Captain Deadpool: QuillVerse IV

by Barricade Pax

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, Violence, Crossover, Death, Alternate Universe, Shadowbolts (EqG), Spike (EqG), Dazzlings, Science Fiction, Comedy, Other, Equestria Girls, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Random
Length: 6405

OK fuck sticks listen up!, im only gonna say this twice! hers the short version: went to comic-con as Deadpool from my, yes i said my, 2016 movie.. then i bought some shit from some dude and got sent to a version of the EqG Universe, fucking perfect!

OK fuck sticks listen up!, im only gonna say this twice! here's the long version: my name was Peter Quill, yes im aware of the coincidence there, but then i went too Comic-Con as Deadpool from the 2016 movie & bought some shit from some ass-hat & now im stuck in a version of the Equestria Girls Universe, fucking perfect!

Published 2018-03-05 21:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-09 16:42:04 UTC

Chap. 1: Guess im a Fucking Displaced Now

Alright ass-hats listen up; i know you've heard this a thousand times before, so im just gonna get to the point. Went to Comic-Con as Deadpool, bought Deadpools teleporter from a guy cosplaying as the tinkerer from Spider-Man: Homecoming, and now im in a version of the Equestria Girls universe. But i'll start telling the story properly from when i fell out the portal in the middle of a CHS's gym during an assembly...

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?, ware the fuck am?!?" I asked.

"Language young man!" said Principle Sun Butt.

"Who the fuck cares?" I asked.

"OK, who are you and what do you want?" Asked Sunset as the mane seven walked over to us.

"Names Deadpool, But you can call me Peter" i said grabbing her hand and kissing it. "And i want to get the fuck out of this building" i said as i started leaving.

"Where following him, arnt we?" Asked Rainbow Dash.

"Yep" said Sunset.

*Outside, by the destroyed statue*

"Hold it!" Said Apple Jack.

"I dont got time for your shit AJ" i said making all of them stop.

"How the hell do you know my name?" Asked AJ.

"Same way i know all of yours" i said pointing to all the mane seven and the two principles.

"And that is?" Asked Lulu.

"Im from the other side of that Screen" i said pointing towards you.

"You see them too?" Asked Pinkie.

"That i do Pinks" i said.

"I thought i was crazy" said Pinkie.

"Pinkie, you are crazy" i said, Pinkie slightly deflated at that and Skittle's wanted to get in my face before i said... "And im fucking insane" making Pinkie re-inflate and Pride Flag calm down.

"What's with the costume?, And how are the eyes moving?" Asked Twilight.

"Im a vigilante, and my eyes can move because fuck you that's why" i said.

"You are very crude" said Rarity.

"You aint seen nothing yet... Darling" i said doing my best Rarity impression.

"I like this guy, his funny" said Pinkie.

"Thanks Sugar Tits" i said.

"How old are you?" Asked Sun Butt.

"Im seventeen" i said earning gasps from everyone except Pinks.

"Young man, you are highly inappropriate for someone your age" said Sun Butt.

"Shove it Tia" i said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, i need to further the plot" i said as i started leaving.

"This guy is defiantly insane" said Skittles

"You can shove it to Skittles" i said.

"What the hell did you just call me?!?" Asked Pride Flag.

"You heard me Pride Flag" i said.

"Im gonna kick his ass" she said as she started to run and then held still.

"OK, what did you do Flash?" I asked as i started looking over my self and saw my broken arm. "Really bitch" i said grabbing it and forcing it back into place. "Next time, im not gonna let it slide" i continued.

"You threatening her?" Asked Sunset.

"That i am Bacon Hair" i said.

"Your an asshole" said AJ.

"Im also that, yes" i said. "Hope i never see any of you again, except you Pinks, your cool" i said as i finally left.

"I really hate that man" said Rarity.

"Now's not the time for references to awesome movies, we gotta follow Peter" said Pinks.

"Pinkies right" said Sunset as the Mane seven started following me.

"Oh my god, this is how this stories going... alright you can follow me, just stay out of my way" i said.

"Alright" said Pinkie.

"Pinkie-" Sunset tried to say before Pinks cut her off.

"Sunset, i think its best i lead this one" said Pinks.

"Your right" said Sunset.

"Alright, to the next scene!" I yelled charging forward.

*Canterlot City Bank*

"All the money in the bag!, Now!" Yelled Robber One.

"You girls better stay out here" i said kicking the doors to the bank open. "Alright fuck sticks, who dies first?" I asked.

"Who the hell are you?!?" Yelled Robber Two as him and the other pointed there guns at me.

"Me?, Im Deadpool" i said throwing one of my swords through Robber ones head and into the wall behind the desk. "Now, who's next?" I asked as Robbers Two and Three started shooting me, when all was said and done i lied on the floor filled with crap tons of bullet holes. "OK, now im pissed!" I yelled geting back on my feet, all the bullet holes fully healing. "You better surrender" i said pointing at Three. "Otherwise your heads going up his ass" i said shifting my finger over to Two.

"You stole that line from Hancock!" Yelled Pinkie from outside.

"You right!" I yelled back.

"What the fuck are you?" Asked Three.

"Im your worst nightmare" I said.

"That's overly cliche!" Yelled Pinkie.

"Not now P!NK!" I yelled back.

"Is this guy for real?" Three asked Two.

"I have no idea what's real anymore" said Two as i threw my second sword through his gut and into the floor.

"Alright Three, just you and me now" i said as i picked up my sword from the ground.

"We can solve this peacefully, right?" Asked Three as i picked up my first sword from the wall.

"If i was a superhero, id hear you out... but im no hero" i said as i ran both swords into his gut and lifted him into the air. "I just turned you into a fucking kabob!" I said as i pulled my swords out of him and he drooped to the ground. "Alright citizens, you are safe now!" I said. "Now, to the next scene!" I yelled running outside.

*The Next Scene, Random Abandoned Building(that probably came out of no ware for the sake of the story)*

"How the hell did we get here?" Asked Sunset.

"Plot convenience at its best and worst" i said.

"That makes sense" said Pinkie.

"Maybe to you Pinks" said Rainbow.

"If you cant understand it, then you never will" i said. "Now, we need to wrap this Chap. up" i continued. "Any ideas Pinks?" I asked.

"Nope, guess you should just tell the audience that the next three Chap's. are gonna be a 3 part crossover story" said Pinks.

"What?" I asked.

To be continued...

Chap. 2: Obligatory Crossover Part I: RoadBlock

"Seriously?, A three part crossover?" I asked.

"With three different stories" said Pinks as a giant orange taser came flying out of a portal and it took my head off.

"Fucking fantastic" i said. "Im over here body" i said as my body bent down and grabbed me and put me back on its shoulders. "That's better" i said once i was one peace again. "Alright, who the fuck does this belong to?" I asked as i touched the giant taser. A portal opened and a cop car drove out and crashed into me, sending me into the wall. "OW!" I yelled getting out of the wall.

"Sorry about that" said the car as it turned into a giant robot. "My names Barricade" said the giant robot.

"Deadpool" i said.

"The girls are OK with hanging out with someone like you?, that's surprising" said Barricade.

"Only Pinks is numb nuts" i said

"That makes more sense" said Barricade.

"Actually, hold on" i said grabbing AJ's arm. Ten teleportations later. "OK, there all home, just us three now" i said.

"That's... convenient" said Barricade.

"Plot convenience to be specific" said Pinks.

"Right..." said Barricade. "Im stuck with two fourth wall brakers... that's bound to be fun" he said.

"Oh it will be, trust me" said Pinks.

"Yeah, our authors got some pretty interesting shit planned" i said.

"We share an author?" Asked Barricade.

"Yep, as do Thomas and Charels" i said.

"No shit, that explains a lot... and confirms more" he said.

"I know what your talking about, i read ahead" i said.

"So did i" said Pinks.

"I changed my mind, this is gonna be annoying" said Barricade.

"Probably, yeah" i said. "But there's no reason it cant be both" i continued.

"Guess your not wrong" said Barricade. "In fact, id bet your right" he said.

"Oh i am, like i said, i read ahead" i said.

"Im so excited!" Yelled Pinkie. "This is going to be great" she continued.

"OK, what do we do until Thomas and Charels get here?" Asked Barricade.

"What ever the fuck we want" i said.

"With in reason" said Barricade. "Sorry, but im gonna be the colossus to your Deadpool" he said.

"Well fuck you to buddy" i said.

"I should have expected that" said Barricade.

"You really should have" said Pinks.

"Now, whats on the agenda today?" I asked pulling out a huge stack of papers that said 'SCRIPT'.

"That jokes dead, dont resurrect it" said Barricade.

"Yeah, your right" i said throwing away the script. "I feel like that sums this story up perfectly" i continued.

"Throwing away the script?" Asked Barricade. "Knowing you, it probably is" he said.

"You wanna transform and we can just drive around until we think of something?" Asked Pinks looking at Barricade.

"Sure" He said as he transformed into his cop car mode and then a none cop version of the same car.

"Shotgun!" Yelled Pinks.

"Shotgun!" I yelled. "Damn it!, i was on shot while you where on gun" i said getting in the back seat behind Pinks, who got to ride shotgun.

"Lets get this show on the road" said Barricade as a hologram of a 17 year old kid popped into the driver seat.

"Your a cop?, But also a teenager?" I asked.

"That's right, got a problem with that?" Asked Barricade.

"No, it's just weird" said Pinks.

"I dont think you two get to judge whats normal and whats weird" said Barricade.

"That's a fair point" i said.

*60 Min. Later*

"We ever gonna stop driving around this fucking town?" I asked.

"Nope, this is are eternal doom" i said.

"Fuck that shit" said Barricade. "Hey, theirs the school" he said coming to a stop in front of the building.

"Schools not currently in session Barry" said Pinks.

"I dont care, its an excuse to get you two the fuck out of me" said Barricade.

"You do reali-" i tried to say before geting cut off by Barricade.

"Yes, i realize what i just said" said Barricade.

"OK, just making sure" i said as Pinks and me got out of Barricade's alt mode.

"Thank Primus" said Barricade as he's hologram form got out of the car as well.

"Lets a go" i said impersonating Mario.

"Im with a couple of toddlers in teenage body's" said Barricade.

"That's not a very nice thing to say Barry" said Pinks as we all walked through the doors to the school and i walked face first into Sun Tits.

"I love this view" i said as Sun Butt pushed me a way from her chest.

"That is extremely inappropriate!" Yelled Sun Butt.

"What's going on now?" Asked Lulu walking up to her sister.

"I apologize for my idiot friends behavior" said Barricade.

"Thank you, but I want an apology from him" said Sun Butt looking at me with the stink eye.

"Good luck with that Principle Celestia" said Barricade.

"Who are you anyway?" Asked Lulu.

"Im Nathan" said Barricade holding his hand out to Sun Butt and Lulu.

"It's a pleasure to meet you young man" said Sun Butt taking his hand and shaking it.

"The pleasures all mine" said Barricade shaking Lulu's hand.

"You seem to well mannered and... well, sane to be Deadpool's friend" said Sun Butt.

"I am" said Barricade. "But someone sane needs to be his friend" he continued.

"I suppose that is for the best" said Lulu.

"Et tu Lulu?" I asked.

"Im gonna ignore that" said Lulu.

"Probably for the best" said Barricade.

"OK, when the fuck does Thomas get here?, i want to move on already" said Deadpool.

"Patience young grasshopper" said Barricade as a portal opened and a laser taser flew out. "Never mind" he said as i grabbed it and another portal opened up and a guy in WarMachine armor came flying out.

"Sup Nathan?" Asked the guy in WarMachine armor noticing Barricade first.

"Nothing much, i found number four" said Barricade.

"No shit?, Already?" Asked the guy in WarMachine armor.

"Yep, he's right here" said Barricade pointing to me.

"Hello, i am the great and powerful Deadpool!" I said.

"Oh for the love of-"

To be continued...

Chap. 3: Obligatory Crossover Part II: WarMachine

"-Christ" said the guy in WarMachine armor. "A fucking Deadpool Displaced?, Seriously? Im gonna have a headache by the time this is over" he said.

"Damn right you will" i said.

"I've already had to deal with him for almost two hours" said Barricade. "I just want the multiverse to hurry up and get Charels here so this can be over" he said.

"Im not that annoying am i?" I asked.

"Yes you are" said Lulu.

"And twenty times more inappropriate" said Sun Butt.

"Nobody asked you Sun Butt" i said.

"Oh God, its gonna be one of those days" said the guy in- you know what fuck that, his names Thomas, the guy in the WarMachine armor's name is Thomas.

"I feel your pain Thomas" said Barricade.

"I bet you do Nathan, i bet you do" said Thomas.

"Anyway, shall we get a move on?" I asked.

"Yeah sure, Thomas gets shotgun" said Barricade.

"Darn/Damn it!" Pinks and I yelled.

"Go with them, make sure they dont destroy my car" said Barricade.

"You got it Hoss" said Thomas as him, me and Pinks left for Barricades alt mode.

"I am so sorry for there behavior" said Barricade to Sun Butt and Lulu as he started to leave.

"Today's been really weird" said Lulu.

"That it has Lulu, that it has" said Sun Butt.

*In Barricade's Car*

"It's still weird" said Thomas.

"What is?" Asked Pinks.

"Being inside Nathan" said Thomas.

"OK, that sounds weird no matter who it comes from" said Barricade.

"I dont doubt it" i said.

"So, what you been up to sense last we saw each other?" Asked Thomas looking at Barricade.

"Not much, its been a day for me sense we meet Charels" said Barricade. "How bout you?" He asked looking at Thomas.

"Its only been a day for me as well" said Thomas. "Wonder if its gonna be the same or Charels" he said.

"It probably will" i said.

"I hate to say this, but your right Deadpool" said Barricade.

"What's your real name anyway?" Asked Thomas.

"Peter" i said. "Peter Quill" i continued, a look of shock, concern, and realization all raped into one crossing both Barricade and Thomas faces.

"Thomas Quill" said Thomas.

"Nathan Quill" said Barricade, i got the same look under my mask.

"I bet Charels last name is Quill as well" i said.

"How the hell do we all have the same last name?" Asked Thomas.

"The better question is how the hell did we not know each other before we where Displaced if we all have the same last name?" Asked Barricade.

"Multiverse" said a voice coming from Thomas's armor.

"Who the fuck is the sexy sounding lady?, And ware is she?" I asked.

"My name is Karen, i am Thomas's A.I." said the voice coming from Thomas's armor. "And im not interested Mr. Pool" she continued.

"Well fuck you to bitch" i said.

"Anyway, i was saying that you all have the same name and didn't know each other before Displacement because of the multiverse" said Karen. "All of you are from different Earth's" she continued. "And if my theory is right, your all the same person from different Earths" she finished.

"Parallel versions of each other?" Asked Barricade.

"Precisely" said Karen.

"So... you two are me?" I asked pointing to Barricade and Thomas. "And im you?" I asked.

"If my theory is right, yes" said Karen.

"That... actually makes sense" said Barricade.

"And explains a lot" said Thomas.

"So the multiverse has something planed for four different versions of the same person Displaced as four different characters?" I asked. "Sounds needlessly complicated" i said.

"There is actually one problem with that theory" said Barricade.

"What is that Nathan?" Asked Karen.

"Charels 'said' that he saw someone else get Displaced before him" said Barricade. "We got Displaced by the same Displacer, or at least someone dressed as the same character" he continued.

"Maybe he saw a different version of you geting Displaced for a different destiny" said Thomas.

"So, where definitely all from different universes, but versions of me and Thomas exist on Barricades Earth" i said. "That is needlessly complicated" i continued.

"I have to agree with you Petey" said Pinks.

"Im also gonna agree with that sentiment" said Thomas.

"As am i" said Barricade.

"So we all agree this convoluted plot are author is writing right now is totally asinine?" I asked.

"Yes" said Pinks.

"I did not follow any of that" said Thomas.

"I understood it, wish i didn't" said Barricade.

"So the other Nathan Charels saw get Displaced, what do we think his destiny is?" Asked Thomas.

"Maybe he's evil and our destiny is for the good versions of our selfs to fight the evil ones" I said.

"That..." said Barricade at a loss for words.

"... Sounds awesome!" Yelled Thomas.

"Damn right it does!" I yelled high fiveing Thomas. "MOTHERFUCKER!, What is that suit made out off?!?" I asked holding my hand in pain.

"Vibranium" said Thomas.

"Sense when do you have a vibranium suit?" Asked Barricade.

"Shuri made it for me when i became second in command of the Wakandan army" said Thomas.

"Has Black Panther happened already?" Asked Barricade.

"No, but it will very soon" said Thomas.

"How long has it been sense Civil War?" I asked.

"Five days, two more to go" said Thomas.

"Well, good luck with that" i said. "Hey, did a guy cosplaying The Tinkerer Displace you as well?" I asked.

"Yes..." said Thomas. "I think the same guy is Displacing all of us, just dressing differently" he continued. "A trans former for Nathan and Charels, a supervillian for me and you" he finished as a gun crashed into the windshield.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Yelled Barricade as he got out of the car and touched the gun. "This better be Charles's token or im gonna be pissed" he said as a portal opened and SoundWave from TF Prime walked out.

"Lucky us, i did not want to deal with a pissed of Ex-Con" i said, getting nods from Pinks and Thomas in agreement. "Welcome to my universe Charels" i said as i got out of the car and walked over to Barricade, Pinks and Thomas not far behind.

To be continued...

Chap. 4: Obligatory Crossover Part III: SoundWave's

'Great, a Deadpool Displaced' thought SoundWave.

"Hey!, I resemble that remark" i said.

'Right, Deadpool... can read what im thinking, fucking perfect' thought SoundWave.

'Sup guys?' SoundWave signed to Barricade and Thomas.

"Not much Charels, its only been a day for both of us sense our last meeting" said Barricade.

'Same' signed SoundWave.

"And i haven't saved Wakanda yet before you ask, thats still two days away" said Thomas. "Wasn't expecting to be summoned again so soon" he continued.

"The author did" i said. "But he's way ahead of schedule, which is good for him, not so much for us and his/our stories" i continued.

'Im gonna ignore all of what you just said' signed SoundWave.

"Im cool with that" i said.

"OK... four down, three to go" said Barricade.

"What happens after we all meet up?" Asked Thomas.

'Well, what ever our destiny calls for really' signed SoundWave.

"Im getting really tired of reading your hands" i said, getting the finger in return.

'We had to get stuck with a Deadpool Displaced didn't we?' Signed SoundWave.

"Destiny man..." said Barricade.

"...Its a bitch" said Thomas.

'Aint that the truth' signed SoundWave.

"You three are perfectly in sync... its scary" i said.

"I can get me and Thomas being in sync because of how long we've actually known each other" said Barricade.

"But not Charels... we meet him yesterday" said Thomas.

'It is a bit weird isn't it?' Signed SoundWave.

"You got that right Wave" i said.

"Anyway, whats up with you Charels?" Asked Barricade.

'Well sense last we meet, i revealed what a Displaced actually is to Octavia, Vinyl, and Knockout' signed SoundWave. 'I've killed an insecticon' he continued. 'And I've reviled myself to the inter planet' he finished.

"YOU WHAT?!?" Yelled Barricade.

'I had to to save Fluttershy' signed SoundWave.

"Well then, you had a good reason" said Thomas.

"Primus help me, i hope my world never finds out about transformers" said Barricade.

"Why?" I asked.

"Have you seen Transformers four or five?" Asked Barricade.

"That's... a good point" said Thomas.

'Yeah, it is' signed SoundWave.

"Am i missing something here?" I asked.

"In Transformers four and five humanity hates Decepticons and Autobots alike" said Barricade.

"Oh... oh shit" i said.

"Now hes got it" said Thomas.

'Just took him a minute' signed SoundWave.

"Why do you guys always pick on Pooly?" Asked Pinks scaring the shit out of Barricade, SoundWave, and Thomas, who all forgot she was there. Which of course made me fall on the floor laughing.

"Fuck Pinkie, dont do that" said Barricade.

"Like, ever" said Thomas.

"Okie Dokie Lokie" said Pinks.

'Why was that so terrifying?' Signed SoundWave.

"Why was that so fucking funny?" I asked as i stood up.

"Fuck you Peter" said Barricade.

"Fuck you to Barricade" i said.

"His names Nathan" said Thomas.

"First off: no one fucking asked you Tom. Second off: hes name was Nathan, its Barricade now" i said.

'So your always gonna call me SoundWave?' Signed SoundWave.

"Yep" i said.

'Fair enough' signed SoundWave.

"My names Thomas" said Thomas.

"I know, just wanted to piss you off, kinda what i do best" i said.

"I really fucking hate you" said Thomas.

"Get in line" i said.

"This is just great" said Barricade sarcastically. "At least where geting our differences out of the way now so there not a problem later" he continued.

'Like in Marvels The Avengers?' Signed SoundWave.

"Yeah pretty much" said Barricade.

"We better not call our team the avengers" said Thomas.

"We wont" i said.

"Of course you would know" said Thomas.

"You know i dont gotta put up with your shit" I said. "Thomas, our contract is complete" i continued as a portal opened behind him.

"Good fucking riddance" said Thomas. "Goodbye Nathan, Goodbye Charels, tell next time" he said walking through the portal, said portal closing afterwards.

"Well then..." said Barricade.

'...That happened' signed SoundWave.

"Now, either one of you want to piss me off?" I asked.

"Want to?, No" said Barricade.

'Will we before we leave?, probably' signed SoundWave.

"Fair enough" i said.

'What do we do now?' Signed SoundWave.

"No clue, but whatever it is its most likely gonna be weird as hell" said Barricade.

"That sounds factually accurate" i said.

"Lets go introduce SoundWave to my other friends" said Pinks slightly scaring SoundWave and Barricade.

"How do we keep forgetting shes here?" Asked Barricade.

'No idea, lets just try to remember to not do it again' signed SoundWave.

"I can agree to that" said Barricade.

'Ware are you friends?' Signed SoundWave to Pinks.

"Well given the time of day, id say there all at the mall" said Pinks as SoundWave opened a portal.

'Then lets go' signed SoundWave as Pinks ran through the portal.

"Better go after her" said Barricade as he disappeared and his car transformed.

'Let's go' signed SoundWave as him, me, and Barricade walked through the portal, it closing afterwards.

*Canterlot Mall*

"Why did you come out of a portal?" Asked Rainbow.

"SoundWave made it" i said as me, SoundWave, and Barricade came out of the portal.

"Not this guy again" said AJ.

"Fuck you to Apple" i said.

"Peter! Be nice to the young lady" said Barricade.

"Fuck you Barricade" i said.

"You want me to kick your ass, cuss ill kick your ass" said Barricade.

'Anyway, nice to meet you lady's' signed SoundWave. 'My names SoundWave' he continued.

"Nice to meet you SoundWave" said Twilight. "My names-" she tried to continue before getting cut off.

'I know all your names' signed SoundWave.

"Of course you do" said Sunset.

"Well this little adventure has been fun, but im ready to leave" said Barricade.

"Barricade, our contract is complete" i said as a portal opened behind him and as he walked through he said...

"See ya later Charels" said Barricade.

'Later Nathan' signed SoundWave as the portal closed.

"You sticken around Wave?" I asked.

'I would, but i think it best i leave' signed SoundWave.

"If thats what you want" i said. "SoundWave, our contract is complete" i said as a portal opened behind him and he walked through it, the portal closing afterwards. "Finale, things can go back to singular Displaced normality" i said trying not to laugh and failing, Pinks failing along with me.

"Great, hes our problem again" said Rarity.

To be continued... (not by another crossover)

Chap. 5: Place to Stay

Author's Note

I've decided to Retcon the story, this is the new Chap. 5

Chap. 5: Place to Stay

"I'll be on my best behavior Rarity" i said.

"That's not much better then your normal behavior is it?" Asked Sunset.

"Yeah pretty much" i said.

"So what where you all doing before me and Pooly showed up?" Asked Pinks.

"The obvious answer is shopping and hanging out" i said.

"I know that, what i want to know is specifics" said Pinks.

"We where talking about finding ways to never have to hang out with Peter again" said AJ.

"Kinda gonna be hard to do sense me and pinks are such good friends" i said.

"That has been the running problem with all of our plans yes" said Rarity.

"Why dont you guys like Petey?" asked Pinks.

"He's to crude" said Rarity.

"That's your only argument?" I asked. "Cuss i can definitely turn that down from 11 to 7, no lower tho" i said. "And that would just be Dashie levels of crude" i continued.

"It would be better then nothing" said Sunset. The other five girls nodded there heads in agreement.

"Yay! We came to an agreement!" Yelled Pinks. As a security guard walked over to us, he's taser drawn and ready to fire.

"Put hand behind your head!" He yelled at me.

"GottaGoBye!" I said as i teleported away.

"Bye Pooly!" Said Pinks.

*Later that day Sugar Cube Corner*

"I can not believe he just teleported away like that" said Rarity.

"Really? Cuss i can" said Dashie.

"Well he shouldn't of been threatened by that security guard, he didn't do anything" said Pinks.

"He was a strange man in a costume with mutable weapons in a public place, the probably thought he was a terrorist or something" said AJ.

"I guess that makes sense" said Pinks.

"What's up guys?" Asked a man in a hoody and cap as he sat down next to Pinks.

"That you Petey?" Asked Pinks.

"Yeah, i figured my costume and weapons where a big no no unless i was killing bad guys" i said.

"Where'd you get the cloths?" Asked Twilight.

"I stole them from a thrift store" i said receiving bad looks from all seven of them. "Not like i have any money, otherwise i would have paid" i continued some of them stopped looking at me negatively.

"A dirty old thrift store?" Asked Rarity in disgust.

"Im pretty sure the more important thing is that i stole, not ware i stole from Rarity." i said.

"Why are you hiding your face, no one nose what you look like without a mask, not even us" said Sunset.

"Im hideous, thats why" i said. "And im not overselling it like Rarity would" i continued.

"Hey!" Said Rarity.

"It's true and you know it" i said.

"You cant possibly look that bad" said Pinks.

"I look like an avocado got face fucked by an older avocado" i said making Dashie spit out her drink.

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Asked Dashie.

"I'll show you guys what im talking about, but in private" i said.

*an hour later, Pinkies room*

"The faint of heart may wish to look away" i said as i grabbed my cap and hood in my hands and took them off.

"Holy fucking shit!" Yelled Dashie as Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight all ran out of the room to go throw up. "You look like the hideous love child of Freddy Krueger and The Creeper!" she said.

"That's one i haven't heard before, props for originality" i said.

"Thanks? i think" said Dashie.

"You are mighty disgusting looking" said AJ.

"I was not expecting this" said Sunset.

"You dont have anything to say Pinks?" I asked. She responded by giving me a hug.

"What happened to make you look like this?" She asked.

"A lot of bad shit" i said. "But thats a story for another time" i continued as i put my cap and hood back on.

"You three can come back in now" said AJ. Soon after Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy walked back in.

"What happened to you?" Asked Twilight.

"I already told them that id tell you guys at a later date, gotta build up suspense" i said.

"Of course we do" said Rarity.

"Suspense is a good thing Rarity, makes people stick around" i said.

"Even when that person is you?" Asked Dashie.

"That's right Skittles" i said.

"Would you stop calling me that!" Yelled Dashie.

"Would you prefer it if i called you pride flag?" I asked.

"No! That's even worse!" yelled Dashie.

"Then im calling you Skittles" i said.

"Faust i hate you" said Dashie.

"I hate you to" i said.

"It's getting late, we should all go home" said Sunset.

*10 minutes later, after everyone said there goodbyes and left*

"Just you and me now pinks" i said.

"You dont have a place to stay do ya?" She asked.

"No, no i do not" i said.

"Im sure if i asked my sister Maud she'd let you stay" she said as she left the room and came back with her polar opposite sister.

"Yes you can stay in the guest room" she said.

"Thank you" i said as i followed her to the guest room.

"Here, you can stay here as long as you like as long as you pay rent" she said before walking away.

"Great, now i have to find a job that actually pays" i said.

"It cant be that hard to find a job" said Pinks. "It'll just have to be one that customers dont have to see your face sense no one wants to look at that" she continued.

"Thanks Pinkie, i really needed that joke" i said.

"Your welcome Petey" she said.

"I was being sarcastic" i said.

"I know" she said as she left to go to her room.

"Of course you do" i said as i sat down on my new bed and took my cap and hoody off. "Im gonna have to look for a job tomorrow, great" i said to my self.

"It could be worse" said a voice in my head.

"Oh i got you as well wen i got displaced" i said.

"Yep, both of us, where kind of a package deal sadly" said a different voice in my head.

"Well that's gonna make this more interesting" i said.

To be continued...

Chap. 6: News

Author's Note

sorry for the long wait, I've been busy, but ill try to be more consistent from here on out.

Chap. 6: News

"Hey asshole wake up" said the annoying voice in my head, his names MadClap by the way.

"It's to early for this shit" i said.

"Not when you have job hunting to do" said the smart voice in my head, his names Dr. Bong just so you know.

"Stan damn it, your right" i said as i got out of bed and walked to the kitchen.

"Morning Petey" said Pinks as i walked into the kitchen.

"Morning Pinks" i said.

"Here's the news paper, best start job searching" said Pinks as she handed me the news paper.

"Thanks Pinkie" i said as i grabbed it and started looking for a job.

"Good morning Pinkie" said Maud as she walked into the room.

"Morning sis!" Said Pinks. "Breakfast is almost ready" she continued.

"You find a job yet?" Asked Maud as she sat two chairs away from me.

"No" i said. "None of these things sound good to me" i continued.

"Well you gotta find something Peter" said Maud.

"I know, i'll keep looking" i said.

"What was your job before you came here?" Asked Pinks.

"I was unemployed before i came here" i said. "The character i got turned into was a mercenary tho" i continued.

"The character you got turned into killed people for a living?" Asked Pinks.

"Yeah" i said.

"Only bad people right?" Asked Pinks. "I know you only kill bad people, but thats all your character did as well right?" She continued.

"For the most part" i said.

"You could always do that" said Maud.

"I could, but then id be a wanted criminal" i said.

"No, Deadpool would be a wanted criminal" said Maud. "Peter Quill would be an average high schooler" she continued.

"Huh... good point" i said.

"Wait, do we have to go to school today Pinks?" I asked.

"Yep" said Pinks.

"When do we have to leave?" I asked.

"When ever we want, we can both teleport remember" she said.

"Oh yeah" i said.

"You should probably go now tho so he can get registered for school in the first place Sis" said Maud.

"Your right as always Sis" said Pinks as she walked over to me. "Lets go Petey" she continued as we teleported to principle Celestia's office.

"Holy shit!" screamed Celestia as she jumped away from us.

"Hello Pinkie" said Celestia. "What are you doing here Peter?" She asked.

"Im here to register for school" i said.

"Oh joy" said Celestia.

*3 hours 42 minutes later, lunch*

"He's going to school with us now?" Asked Greedity. *He means Rarity* Dr. Bong said to no one but the audience, even Peter didn't hear it.

"Yes, yes he is" said Skittles. *I think we know who he means with that one* Dr. Bong said to you guys reading this again.

"You guys ever feel like somethings happening that you should be able to hear or see but for some unknown reason you cant?" Asked Peter. *Oh shit he's onto me, goodbye for now readers* said Dr. Bong to the audience one last time.

"All the time!" Said all the background humans actually close enough to hear what i said.

"And now they wont hear shit we say unless the author wants them to" i said.

"We live in the time of bad and lazy writing Petey, best to just live with it" said Pinks.

"It's so annoying tho" i said.

"Id ask what you two are talking about, but ive got a strong feeling we dont want to know or shouldn't" said Sunset.

"And that's why your best human?... pony?... human-pony?... best human that used to be a pony" i said.

"Thanks?" Asked/said Sunset.

"Your welcome" i said.

"Why are you so weird?" Asked Applejack's.

"Well the voices in my head dont help" i said.

(He's probably right) said MadClap.

"What was that?" Asked Fluttershy as all the girls reacted to the voice coming from nowhere.

*You heard that?* Asked Dr. Bong.

"Yeah, we all did" said Sunset.

"You guys can here the voices to?" I asked. "Maybe im not as crazy as i thought i was then" i continued.

(Why can they hear us Doc?) Asked MadClap.

*I have no idea* said Dr. Bong.

"Why did life have to get weirder then magic actually existing?" Asked Sci-Twi to seemingly no one.

*3 hours 3 minutes later, by the broken statue*

"So what are you doing this afternoon Pinkie?" Asked Pride Flag.

"Well-" Pinkie tried to say before a couple cop cars past the school.

"GottaGoBye" i said as i teleported away.

*Generic news network building, 5 minutes later*

"Why are you doing this?" The obligatory sexy female news reporter asked the person keeping everyone hostage.

"Because it's fun" said the psycho as he shot a hostage.

"I agree killing bad people is fun, but not killing good people" i said as teleported into the room.

"Who the fuck are you?" Asked the psycho.

"Im batman" i said in christian belle's batman voice.

"What?" Asked a random hostage.

"What do you want?" Asked the psycho as he aimed his gun at the sexy girl.

"Your head sucking mine" i said as i tried to cut his head of with my katana. (Lucky basterd managed to dodge it tho) said MadClap to the audience.

"That's pretty gay" said a hostage.

"What's wrong with being gay?" I asked turning to him.

"Nothing sir" said the same hostage now fearing i wasn't going to save him if he didn't apologize.

"Im gonna kill you now" said the psycho as he charged me, i turned around and kicked him through the nearby window.

"Guess he missed his window of opportunity" i said. Getting groans of disappointment from all the hostages.

"Fuck you people that was funny" i said as i teleported next to the psycho as the cops where picking him up and arresting him.

"I thought you normally killed the bad guys?" Asked a cop.

"I thought that fall would kill him" i said as i teleported away.

*Sugar cube corner, 5 minutes later*

"Oh hey its on" said Pinks as her, me and all her friends looked at the TV hanging above our booth.

"Just five minutes ago serial killer Cletus Kasady was apprehended thanks to the efforts of the vigilante calling himself Deadpool" said the same sexy news reporter i saved.

"Damn, that bitch went from hostage to news reporter real fucking fast" i said. "Wait the psycho was who?" I asked worried for what this could mean.

To be continued...