SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE SPIKE
Spike Is the Best Dragon and Everyone Should Love Him
What the !@#$, written by B
Spike is the greatest dragon to ever lived.
No, seriously, it's true. Who's the one making that proclamation? Well, everyone, of course. When a bunch of ponies come together and say that something has happened, that something is true, then that said thing become true, because it was said by a lot of mouths.
And, as it so happens to be, you read the title of this story in your head, making it forever true.
Take that, Starlight—you bitch.
Anywho. The story.
Spike was born one day, on a day unlike any other, because he was born that day. Instead of being peed out like most ponies were, he was placed inside an egg and hatched from there. Historians are still thankful that Celestia dislikes scrambled eggs.
The greatest dragon had become the greatest before he was even born. His birth was greater than the birth of anypony for he was hatched, something unique among equestrian kind, that made him more unique than those around him. In fact, he was more unique than any other dragon that had been hatched, because his egg had been infused with a shit-ton of magic.
On the day of his birth, Spike had already grown to a full sized dragon—a feat never before seen in dragon-kind. But Spike, being the greatest that he is, decided to revert back to his babyish ways, for he knew the world was not yet ready for his greatness.
Some historians attribute this to his humbleness, others to the magical prowess of Twilight Sparkle, but everyone knows that the latter are scumbag liars.
Anyway, forcing his greatness to be concealed inside facade of an inept baby dragon, Spike would still go on to be the number-one assistant to the embodiment of magic, and assist in saving the world alongside the Elements of Harmony. Even with his greatness withheld, Spike couldn't help but continue to do great things.
It is augured that the dragon spent too much time inside his head. That he would imagine himself as this ripped dragon that would save the mare, beat up an army of diamond dogs, and have everyone bow down to him in worship. To any lower being, this could be seen as a dangerous degree of narcissism, but there's something you have to understand—the only place Spike could access his greatness was inside himself, where his fantasies would be realities if he weren't so darn humble.
Anyone who studies history would know of the great divide. It came when the scumbag mane six were getting more attention than our boy Spike, someone who had been at their service for years, yet seemed only to get shit on regardless of all the good he did. It could be argued that the girls were just putting him in his place, or that those were lessons that he simply needed to learn—that he wasn't as great as he thought he was.
Let's all just agree that's just a bunch of horseshit—no offense, of course.
When Spike makes a joke, it's the funniest thing around. When Spike says he was going to do something and doesn't do it—it's not because of laziness, rather that it would be too asinine for Spike to do that task. Whenever the conversations weren't about Spike, it meant that they had both lost their sense of respect and the drake's interest.
The drake should have had great things happening to him, instead of turned backs and ears that did not listen. But then, he realized, that this was the price of suppressing his greatness in respect for the greater good—he would get nothing in return for his good deed.
Realizing that ponies were just inherently selfish, almost worst than the greed of a dragon, Spike broke the seal holding himself back. Now, the reason why Spike was better than most ponies was because he just had to want something, and he would become bigger and better to get it.
Want a chocolate bar? Now you're tall enough to grab it.
Want that chocolate bar for free? Now you're strong enough to knock the clerk unconsciousness
Want all the chocolate bars? Now you're big enough to pick up the store and pour all of that black goodness into your mouth.
Oh? What's that? You've got Wonderbolts on your tail? Just swat 'em like the flys they are and show what's left to Dash—that'll teach her to break Spike's dream of jerkin' it out to jazz twenty-five times in row.
Anyway, so Spike grew into a big-ass dragon. It wasn't before long that ponies would gather at his feet and worship him as if he were a god. He could see statues of himself being pulled from the ground in a bunch of inspiring poses. Everyone talked about only how great he was, Spike listening to their words like the big brother that he was.
But then, Spike heard something he didn't like.
“Spike!” Twilight said as she hovered before her little brother, now turned big, in case you had been lightly reading this whole time. “Why did it have to come to this? You and I were like brother and sister; now we are nothing more than foes.”
The great dragon only roared like Godzilla, whoever that trademarked character was.
“Must it be this way?” She asked as she hovered closer towards him. “I know I didn't always appreciate you, how you would stay awake at night just to help me study, only for me to yell at you the following morning for sleeping in.”
That demon dude from season four spawned in out of nowhere, but before he could do a thing, a purple claw picked him up, and sent him hurling towards the Golden Oaks Library. It exploded, with that owl with it (Unless that little dude lived on or sum shit.)
“I also know that I held you back from becoming the dragon that you wanted to be.” Twilight landed on the drake's snout, looking into both of his monolithic eyes, with a sweet smile on her lips. “That while I was going on adventures with my friends that would make us better, that you were locked away in home, slowly regressing in the dark. I'm not surprised that you ran away, just like I'm not surprised that the whole nation, no, the whole world went looking for you—just because you're that important.”
Spike stretched out his back and cried like a baby.
“I see that this is the way it must be.” Twilight threw herself back from the snout, gliding into the air with a great flap of the wings, twirling in circles as if avoiding invisible missiles. Once she was a few miles away from the drake, she yelled again, her voice having no chance at being heard. “I knew that we would have to fight since the day you were born. I imbued my magic into your birth and made you greater than any other dragon, bestowed upon you knowledge that any great teacher would be too bewildered ever to explain.”
Twilight sighed and wept. “But I was also a terrible pony, and that caused you to become a villain.”
It was actually because all that she had said were lies, but don't tell Twilight that. It was then that the five other mares floated into the air in holy matrimony to form the perfect circle, with Twilight in the middle, as each of the elements came to life.
All five mares breathed and screamed. “Being dead sure sucks rock!”
Then they fired their magical powers at Spike.
But that blast didn't touch his scales.
“Oh wait,” Twilight said to herself, “I still love Spike like a brother, so my heart isn't in this, thus, the spell will have no effect on him. That means the Elements of Harmony have now become useless and my friends along with it.”
The five mares went back to being dead and fell out of the sky.
Tears began to fall from Twilight's eyes, her horn shooting out magic like fireworks from Katy Perry's fireworks, before those said fireworks became a big, glowing sword. Not the type of sword that would have a light before it, cuz then, that would be breaking the rules.
Spike tore off his tail and held it like the sword. Brother and sister than fought, for the fates of not their own ambitions, but for the world—whatever the hell that means. Of course, if you read the beginning, then you know the end.
All Twilight said was proved to be a lie because Spike's greatness came from his own greatness. The two fought for like, two minutes, before making out over the city. Apparently, incest becomes okay if you're not the same species—tho Spike did cry when he found out he wasn't related.
Celestia died on the sun for withholding that from him.
Anwyay, Spike would go on to travel the world wearing a cloak and sword, helping out and improving himself, and returning home whenever he missed the smell of lavender. I'm sure there's an ending somewhere to be found, but there's a bee that won't shut up, so I gotta leave.
Spike is the greatest character ever to have ever been made.
The end.
