Conversion Dragon: A dragon Walks into a Bar

by Alex Warlorn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Science Fiction
Length: 1371

A newly minted former-human and a bar keeper have a brief conversation on the way the world is changing.

A Conversion Bureau story, but NOT like any that you've read before! Shares the same universe as Conversion Zebra, but not necessary to understand this piece. No epic wars here. No ponies flaunting their moral high ground, no humans kicking some alien invaders butt. Instead, we just get a couple of people in a bar (one human, and one new transformed convert) having a conversation about how the world is inevitably changing around them. Hey, a bartender is kinda expected to listen to this sort of stuff ya know?

Published 2017-09-28 22:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-28 22:50:06 UTC

Sit down, have a drink, talk for a while

When two planets from different universes 'reality crash' into each other, and a new type of radiation from one world begins to spill into the other, which is needed for one world's native species to survive, but is deadly to the other native species, people will invariable come to certain conclusions.

Such as thinking you were being invaded by aliens.

And that the point that the two worlds had crashed into each other was a literal physical wall, and that enough fire power would somehow 'shatter' the wall, and stop the radiation from spilling in further.

Or firing a nuclear missile at the capital city of the nation that had been part of the world that had crashed into your reality was a good idea.

Or that sniping visiting ambassadors and their toddler made you a hero to all mankind.

Turns out the aliens were as confused and shocked as you were. And in comparison firing rockets at Chernobyl didn't make the radiation go away. And the local alien head of state explicitly was an expert at manipulating suns, which were natural giant atomic bombs. As for thinking you were a hero to humanity... no, you weren't at all.

This left humans with the option of changing their DNA to become life forms that could metabolize the new radiation, that the natives of the other planet called 'magic.' Naturally, this led to people think this had been the aliens' Evil Master Plan all along. This lead to more people wanting to be heroes of humanity, out to exterminate the alien menace (IE, kill a buncha people), the HLF.

And those who were convinced that changing their DNA was going to lead to a perfect new life with no troubles, and wanted to 'help' along the process, and this would somehow help relieve the strain on poor Mother Earth, the PER.

Both were eager to 'get rid of' anyone who didn't see things their way.

Joe meanwhile, was still human, still owned his bar, and planned to hold onto both as long as possible. And the New Foals who walked into his bar didn't act like mindless zombies, spineless slaves, or had suddenly become different people with new personalties. They could still swear and curse with the best of them, and geeze, they could still get into bar room brawls too. Getting kick by a miniature horse is still getting kicked by a horse!

Joe had hoped to buy a ticket to the moon or Mars, but humanity's space program being a joke after decades of budget cuts and being more interested in sending robots to other planets instead of people, those hoping to escape the planet for a better life in outer space weren't doing so hot.

His bar had been reserved for another Convertee's 'welcome to your new species' party. Joe did his best not to complain, money was still money.

It wasn't a pony who walked into Joe's bar first, not at all. It went on two legs, was covered in gray scales, had golden eyes, wings, horns, a long neck, scaly tail, snout, fangs, and gave off enough body heat that Joe could feel it just from standing next to them. And they had curves.

They were also naked, but that meant nada given she was a reptile with nothing you'd normally think of with seeing someone naked. They had a complimentary generic fireproof wallet hanging around their neck but that was it. Joe had heard the early dragon converts kept setting their own clothes on fire by accident before they finally gave up and took advantage of the changes in the public decency laws in regards to their new species.

"Uh, care for some gasoline?"

The dragon glared daggers at him. "Whisky."

"Oh." Joe complied with his customer. "So, uh."

"Yeah, I'm a 'new whelp' as Dragon Lord Ember described it... Turns being in your seventies makes you a teenager in dragon years. Let me guess, you were expecting a new foal?"

"Uh, yeah." Joe poured the whisky, she downed it in one gulp.

The new whelp sighed. "Figured. Call me Ash, and yeah, that was my name before, didn't have to change it or anything. Heh, the thing is, the age thing is explained in the pamphlet in five places. Rowdy collage kids who sign up, think they're going to be kidnapping princesses, and hoarding treasure and burning down villages, until they notice they're now in grade school in dragon years. It's discouraged most of the idiots, but I think the rest don't mind an excuse to act like wild kids."

"What is this, a commercial?"

"UGH! The dragon wing of the conversion center was full of baby dragons either 'acting their age' and making a mess, or whining that they didn't read that part of the pamphlet. You think that the place isn't built to handle giant sized adult dragons would be a clue."

"So... when your buddies going to show?" Joe asked looking around.

"My family left me to be forgotten in an old folks home. They... " The teenage dragon shuddered. "They just acted like they'd forgotten I exist! ... I... I called them, telling them I'd be going through the process... and... the first thing my nephew asked was if the retirement home would still look after my needs, otherwise I wasn't 'allowed' to. That's when I realized I'd rather get a job at a Jack In the Box as a new whelp than live in that place a minute longer... A couple of my other friends got together and... we decided if the world was gonna end and humanity was going to go extinct, we might as well be something with hands." Ash wiggled her claws.

The less said of the results of the minotaur potion the better.

Joe sighed. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm not. Turns out the griffins, zebra, ponies, and the rest are all pressuring the dragons to tighten the faucet on new whelps, saying that the dragon population boom a hundred years down the line will cause logistics trouble. My friend who was in Vietnam says the rest are just scared what'll happen if dragons, who'd been kept in check by their super slow reproduction cycle, suddenly get a giant population wind fall. So yeah, we managed to squeeze in at just the right time."

"So in a hundred years, you'll be too big to fit in your own house?"

"I'll figure something else when the time comes. Care to join the club before the restrictions hit?"

Joe frowned. "First rule in here, No talking about convincing someone to 'join your club'."

"Sorry. Won't happen again," Ash said calmly and in complete control. "Keep the whisky coming."

Joe raised an eyebrow. "You trying to see how much it takes to get a dragon drunk? Not sure I want my bar on fire."

"Don't worry. I can take it. And I'm betting you're insured anyway."

"Not the point really."

"Just trying to be jovial."

"Could have fooled me."

Ash looked into her glass. "None of my family came to see me off, to see me as a human being for the last time. It's... " The dragon's eyes shimmered. "Like I didn't matter."

Joe said, "Then screw them lady. Sounds like you've got some friends who DO care about you... and if you're going to be alive as long as I hear you are... you shouldn't carry baggage like that around."

Ash breathed in slowly, then slowly it out, wisps of smoking come out. "Thanks."

"HEY! Ashley! This where you gone off to?" Said a teenage gold and pruple dragoness, followed by a few more teenage dragons and one that looked middle school age. Let's get this party started!"

"Thanks for letting me ramble," Ash said standing up.

"Bar tender, kinda what I'm here for, that and the booze."

Ash downed one last cup of whisky and greeted her friends.

This wasn't a beginning, a middle, or an ending. For Joe, this was just another day trying to keep his little island above water in a rapidly changing world, and maybe make a friend along the way.