Pancakes.exe

by Lil Penpusher

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Royal Guard, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 1128

Celestia likes Cake. What's better than cake, you ask? Pancakes. Lots of Pancake. Unofortunately Luna isn't particularly good at making Pancakes.

Pancakes are like cake, except with slightly less cake and a bit more Pan. To Celestia, the almighty goddess of cake, pancakes are the very best kind of cake.

Unfortunately for Luna, she isn’t exactly that good at making cake, especially not pancakes. Now she will have to face the judging eyes of the cake goddess herself.

Will Luna survive Celestia’s onslaught? Will she be banished for making horrible, tasteless pancakes? Will I ever stop writing these random, retarded comedy stories?

We shall see.

I honestly have no clue anymore. Somebody shoot me.

Published 2017-09-30 20:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-30 20:40:06 UTC

"You call THIS a pancake!?"

“Finally,” Celestia said to herself as she stood on the balcony, “another day of boring diplomatic duties over with, at last.”

The princess’ horn was suddenly encased in her yellow magical aura, and shortly after the sun began to lower itself. This was more than routine for Celestia at this point, having done it over and over for thousands of years.

“Sister! There you are!” Luna’s voice called out from inside the castle. The princess of the sun turned around to see her sister charging towards her.

“Of course I am,” she replied calmly, “where else would I be?”

“Well, the castle is quite large, as you might know.” Luna chuckled a tiny bit, coming to a stop. “You could have been anywhere!”

“You know I’m too busy to just walk around the castle these days, Luna,” Celestia replied, turning around again. “Besides, I have a job to do. It’s high time for the sunset.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t ever forget. How could I forget the sunset, the very act that leads to the beginning of my night?” Luna watched as her sister’s horn began to glow again as she resumed lowering the sun. “I was just a bit... eager to see you, sister.”

Celestia froze for a brief moment at hearing this, the magical aura disappearing. “Y-you? Eager to see me?” she asked her sister in disbelief, turning back towards her. “What did you do this time...?”

“Can I not just be eager to see my beloved sister before she goes to bed?” Luna asked back.

“Oh Luna, please. Spare yourself the excuses. We both know something’s not right here.”

Luna had grown to hate living with Celestia for thousands of years. There was just no way to trick or lie to her, at this point. “Perhaps you are right, sister...”

“Perhaps you are right sister,” Celestia imitated mockingly. “Of course I am. You’re my sister, the very pony I’ve spent thousands of years with. You better bet I know your ins and outs.”

Luna couldn’t help but return a slight, genuine smile, even with Celestia’s mocking voice. “And the way I know you, sister, that’s the way you say ‘I love you, Luna’.”

Celestia smiled and chuckled briefly. “What was it you were so ‘eager’ about, anyway?”

“Oh, uh. Nothing special, really. No need to really-”

“Luna,” Celestia interrupted, “tell me.”

“Well... I know you like cakes and-”

“Like is an understatement, I believe.”

“Yes, yes,” Luna acknowledged, “anyways, I figured I’d make a gift and surprise you with-”

“Cake!? You made me a C A K E ! ?” Celestia shouted as she shook her sister back and forth.

“Not exactly!” Luna shouted back, still caught in her sister’s grasp. “You see, it’s not really a generic cake but more so pancakes.”

“Pancakes?” Celestia asked quietly, her eyes beginning to twitch. “F E E D M E P A N C A K E S, P E A S A N T !”

Luna sweat nervously. “Sister, you’re doing it again!” she shouted back at her sister.

Celestia suddenly shook her head and let go of her sister. “I... I did it again?”

“You did it again,” Luna answered.

“Are you sure?”

“I am sure.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Pinkie promise?”

“Pinkie Pr- sister, where is this going?” Luna asked.

“Well, we have to hit one thousand words somehow!” Celestia argued.

“...What?”

“What? I didn’t say anything.”

“But... sure, whatever. Anyways,” Luna went on, “I made you some pancakes.” Luna flinched and covered her ears instinctively, ready for her sister to lose it and shout at her again.

“Oh, happy day!” Celestia replied with a smile.

“Um, yes, quite,” Luna replied, leaving her defensive stance. “So, I assume you’d be willing to try them?”

“Oh, of course, sister! I know you’re great at-” Celestia froze as Luna summoned her pancakes. They certainly didn’t seem so appealing now. “So... great at... cooking. Yes,” she continued.

“Well? What are you waiting for sister? They’re all yours.” Luna moved the levitating plate over to her sister, who gulped at the pure sight of the pancakes.

“T-thank you, sister...” Celestia said quietly, summoning a fork. “They surely look... special.”

Celestia slowly opened her mouth as she moved a small bit of the pancakes towards it. Ever so slowly. She closed her eyes and closed her mouth, slowly chewing. For just a moment, it looked like Celestia was actually enjoying Luna’s food. For just a moment, that is.

“Dear me!” Celestia gave out as she spit out the bits of pancake. “You call this a Pancake!? That’s worse than a sandwich of rotten fish, frog legs and snails!”

“You liked it?” Luna asked innocently and genuinely.

“Like?” her sister asked as casted her eyes back on her. “Like!? Does eating literal dirt sound nice to you!?”

“Not sure, really. I’ve never tried eating dirt, myself.”

“Luna, you little-”

“Is everything ok out here?” A guard asked as he came running outside. “I heard screaming and-”

“B E G O N E P E A S A N T !” Celestia shouted. The guard suddenly disappeared into thin air, ~~never to be seen again~~.

“Sister, that was one of your personal guards!” Luna interjected.

“Don’t you dare change the topic, Luna! I should send you to Tartarus for making me eat these, and send the pancakes with you while I’m at it!”

“I’m your sister, you can’t do that!”

“Like how I couldn’t imprison you on the moon for a thousand years? Oh waaaait, I did, actually. Whoops, my bad.”

“...I thought we agreed never to talk of that again.”

“Kinda hard when you make me eat food that tastes so bad it might as well be used as a weapon.”

“It’s not that bad! Come on!”

“Really? Not that bad?” Celestia asked her. “I assume you’ve eaten some yourself, already?”

Luna was suddenly silent.

“Ah hah. Tell you what, sister. I will calm down and forget about this all if you agree to eat all of your pancakes yourself. Without throwing up, that is.”

“Sister, you have a bad habit of proposing challenges which only you can win.”

“Is that your way of saying I won without a fight?”

“No, that’s my way of saying ‘Go F yourself’.”

Celestia smiled. “I hate you, Luna.”

Luna suddenly smiled back. “I will end you someday, sister.”

And with that, the two alicorns broke out into laughter, followed up by a tight hug.

“Really though, those pancakes are horrible,” Celestia said during their hug.

“That’s just the extra snake poison I mixed into them, don’t worry.” Once again, both of them laughed, even harder and louder this time.

Friendship is magic, everypony.

Author's Note

No regrets.