A Very Angry Problem

by GasmaskBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Violence, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Warhammer
Length: 28301

The Angriest of the Emperor's Angles has come to Equestria and unless Twilight and the others can convince him otherwise things might get very... messy.

Ninth Captain Fubar Jac'ass is a very good Angry Marine, he shouts his profanities, he kills the enemies of his Emprah real good, and he don't take no shit from no thrice damned Ultrasmurf. So why in the name of Terra has he been assigned to aid a little purple xeno Inquisitor that keeps having him do the most mundane things? And why does he keep going along with them, something here isn't right. And it's making him extremely angry.

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I don't own the title art, Warhammer 40k, or My Little Pony Frindship is Magic. Rated teen for lots of angry profanity and potential for bloody happenings.

Published 2018-03-29 00:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-02 11:39:51 UTC

Another Angry Morning

Uhg, his head was ringing and felt like he'd been launched head first through a chaos dreadnought again, only this time his armor didn't feel like it had been crushed like a cheap can of recaf. Alright Fubar, what did you do last night? Let's see slight ache in most of the body, but not the ache of exertion or exercise, no this had the wrong flavor, seems more like stiffness from not having moved for too long. Maybe he had somehow found a substance strong enough to actually get him drunk, not likely but it did sort of remind him of getting hung over all those millennia back when he was actually human.

Might as well get up and try- *clink* Wait, why was he absolute fuck was he wrapped in chains? *clink* Really thick chain at that. When he opened his eyes there better be a little spunk gobbler ready to exposition at him or he was going to fucking find one and twist them until they expositied at him enough to satisfy his emperah damned curiosity.

Fubar Jac'ass opened his eyes causing the glaring red eye on his helm to light up in a dull red glow as he slowly observed his surroundings through the auto-senses of his armor. Small empty room with stone walls, no light other than the tiny bit shining under the thick wooden doorway, chains thick enough to pull a ship into a harbor were wrapped around him and embossed with small runes. In fact the floor around him was covered with gay ass little runes. Fubar's internal belligerence engine roared to life as he looked at the little scribbles around him. "THE FUCK? WHAT SORT OF RETARDED EXCUSE OF A LIMP ASS FUCK SORCERER WENT AND PUT ME IN THEIR EMPERAH FORSAKEN FUNGEON OF FAGGOTRY!? SOMEONE FIRE UP THE GRILL CAUSE I'VE GOT SUM SLAANESHI COCK LICKERS TO FRY!"

Fubar threw his massive weight and monstrous strength against the chains binding him with a thunderous boom as he began one of his favorite prolonged and violent litanies insulting the ancestry of the chains binding him and the various unpleasant ways they had been forged along with the many horrible ways they'd meet their end. However he didn't get far as he heard something that made him stop and fall silent. "Ah great, it sounds like he was right and the angry guy's awake. Wait why is he suddenly so quiet? Uh, Twilight, could you go check on him please?"

"Why does she have to go check on that monster?" another voice asked, "You're perfectly capable of doing so yourself."

"It's not like I'm scared of it or anything," the first started.

"GUESS I'LL HAVE TO FIX THAT YOU HERETICAL FLESH SUPPOSITORY!" Fubar threw himself against his restraints again noticing the beginnings of the floor his chains were connected to failing as he resumed his struggles.

"Okay maybe a bit, but you heard the guy it has to be Twilight." the first finished.

"Don't rightly seem fair she should have to deal with that bag full of ornery wet cats with a bad hair day."

"It's okay Applejack," a new third voice said full of nervous authority, "I'm sure this will go over well, what's the worst that could happen?"

"He could actually do to you what he tried to do to Cadence?" the first voice offered.

"He could do what he actually did to all those poor guards?" the second supplied.

"I was actually thinking he might break free more powerful than ever and kill everypony on the planet but really that's not too likely to happen right?" the third voice laughed nervously. Fubar chose to fill their silence with an eager snarl of a chuckle throwing himself to the left and making the cracks in the floor widen. "Well anyway, best get this over with."

The door was thrown open with a slam and Fubar beheld a rather confusing sight that actually made him stop struggling and halt his latest poetic stream of violent profaning. He had been expecting some deranged cultist, or maybe a pansy ass knife eared head up ass Eldar cunt, he most certainly was not expecting a purple unicorn with wings an eighth his size wearing what kind of looked like an Inquisitor's robe and hat. Quiet frankly Fubar was excited, he wasn't sure he'd ever been this angry before, he might even just explode.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU REPULSIVE PIECE OF WANNABE INQUISITORIAL SHIT, XENO?" Fubar rumbled like a volcano just before it erupted.

The inquisitor xeno scowled and adjusted the two weapons that Fubar and many other angry marines had taken to calling 'power toothpicks' that seemed to be favored by the higher ranks of commissars and some Inquisitors. He had to at least admit the hideous xeno creature did at least have the right general idea about how to arm itself. "I would personally think that you would speak better of your commanding officer marine."

Despite Fubar not having psychic powers or connection to the warp, the temperature in the room dropped several degrees with an audible thud that echoed around the room as Fubar growled, "What?"

"I put in a request with your chapter's Chaplins for a single marine to aid me in my mission and they chose to send me you Captain Jac'ass." The mare levitated a single scroll out from under her coat identifying the xeno as a psyker as well as an Inquisitor. Fubar was fairly sure he could not hate the triple fag before him any more unless it pulled out the sign of chaos undivided and spat on a picture of the emperah. "He gave me this in case you proved to be troublesome."

With a snarl Fubar tore his left arm free, uprooting two of the chains binding him as his arm snapped out and snatched to scroll out of the air. The inquisitor xeno stumbled back in shock, but was largely ignored as Fubar read the words put to scroll by none other than the great and holy Reclusiarch Mofo. Quit bitchen you lil bitch and do what the damned xeno witch tells you to. The Emperah demands it.

With all the calm and grace of one of the Angry Marines oldest and most experienced Captains, Fubar displayed his displeasure, "THAT MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF ABSOLUTE EMPERAH BLOWING SHIT FUCK!" Fubar surged to his feet uprooting most of the rest of his chains in the process, "WHAT SORT OF TRIPLE STRENGTH WARP ENDUCED MIND FUCKERY RETARDATION HAS POSSESS THAT FART SNIFFING COCK SUCKER TO SEND AN EMPERAH BELOVED CAPTAIN TO BABYSIT A HERESY FILLED WARP CONDOM INQUISITOR INSTEAD OF SOME RANDOM NUMBER OR NAMED TROOPER!?" He calmly asked while taking his displeasure out on a nearby wall which was rapidly being reduced to powder, "WHEN I GET MY HAND ON HIM I'M GOING TO SHOVE HIS CROZIUS' WHOLE FUCKING FIST SO FAR UP HIS OWN ASS THAT HE'LL BE ABLE TO PICK HIS NOSE AND SCRATCH HIS ASS WITH IT AT THE SAME DAMN TIME." He whirled to face the tiny purple horse, the eyes on his helm seeming almost aflame as he glared down at the teny tiny alien equine. "WELL WHAT FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR DUMBASS? THA FUCK IS OUR MISSION ON THIS STUPID EMPERAH FORGOTTEN WORLD?"

The Inquisitor seemed too stunned to respond for a second before she shook her head, "Ah yes, I am Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle of Ordo Here-"

"I DIDN'T ASK THAT YOU DEAF AS FUCK RETARDED XENO CUNT!" Fubar roared doubling over to better shout in the alien's face, "I DEMANDED TO KNOW WHAT THA FUCK OUR MISSION IS?"

"Yes, quiet." the littlest Inquisitor grumbled rubbing her folded ears with a hoof, "Seeing as my species has applied to join the Imperium willingly I of course was personally chosen and tested-" Fubar growled like a revving motorcycle, "Fine, the short version is that you, my team, and I are to begin investigating the population for any signs of heresy before being made an-."

"FAN-FUCKEN-TASTIC!" Fubar roared approaching the wall that shared the doorway. With one mighty kick he booted a massive hole in the wall, a hole he expanded by simply walking through the damaged wall into the darkened hallway beyond without breaking his stride. There was two other of the tiny xeno equines in the hall that looked up at him in dumbstruck horror. Why Fubar couldn't be certain beyond the faint possibility that for some reason the xenos might view something three times taller than you, wrapped in thick yellow armor and lightly glowing chains, glowing red eyes, and a helm designed to depict a perpetually furious expression, that simply walked through a stone wall like it wasn't even there as frightening. If so, pussies. "YOU TWO SHITSTAINS ON THE FACE OF THE EMPERAH WITH THE INQUISITOR?" The two simply nodded slowly with open mouthed terror. "WELL AIN'T THAT JUST FUCKEN PEACHY, WE GOT HERETICS TO FIND AND SPLATTER."

Oh god please no.

Fubar stiffened with a feral snarl, gripped his own head like he planned to crush it and roared "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!" the roar echoed through the hall several times before he released his head and snarled, "CHAOS FAGS."

He began to trudge up the dark dungeon's hall only to pause as he was surrounded in a magenta aura which weakly tugged him, almost like it was struggling to lift him. It did eventually succeed in doing so before rotating him to look back at the visibly struggling Inquisitor, what was it again Twit Sparks? "Not, so fast, Captain Jac'ass." The Inquisitor released the marine letting him land on the ground with a heavy crash. "Me and several other members of the Imperium have worked long and hard to warm the citizenry to the idea of joining rather than remaining independent. As such you are not to take any actions I have not directly ordered or been given to you by a member of my squad. That includes killing heretics."

"WHAT!?"

"The citizenry here has many cultural differences between themselves and the Imperium, so things you might think heretical have already been declared as anything but by myself and several other fully fledged Inquisitors. So I don't want you running off and causing a scene every time you see somepony," Fubar twitched, "walking around wearing too revealing clothing. The last thing I want is for you to drive my people to joining the Tau or Emperor forbid the Eldar. Am I understood."

Fubar turned back to the destroyed wall and with a roar tore into it to such a degree that he actually tore a hole into the neighboring cell revealing its occupant, some form of ancient forgotten evil, doing its absolute damnedest to try and hide under something despite being trapped in an empty room inside of a spell circle. "FINE EMPERAH DAMN IT!"

"Keep in mind should you decide to act on your own that I will report you to your chapter master so he may, and I quote, 'stick his fist so far down your throat that he can grab your asshole and turn you inside out so he can find all the places your stupid took root and rip it out with his chain fist'." Fubar said nothing, simply vibrating in place, his helm seeming somehow to have become even angrier as Twilight delivered her message. "You may wait for us down the hall with the rest of my escort while I speak to these two."

The three meter tall three thousand pounds of death in yellow astartes power armor turned and stormed down the hall with the sound of cracking stone and rattling chains leaving the three ponies alone in the hall. They were silent for nearly a full minute before a distant , "FUUUUU~" began to echo down the hall.

"Whew whe, I thought for sure he was going to kill us all there at the end. Great acting Twi, you dern near had me convinced at times."

"Thanks Applejack," Twilight whimpered finally allowing herself to collapse, her legs turned to jelly and sweat dotting her coat, "You don't mind if I sit here and pass out for a minute do you? I don't think I've been this stressed since Tirek."

"Well I say you've got until that yellow wrecking ball finishes that swear he's shouting at the moment," Rainbow said patting her friend on the back, "... Which could be a while based on how long he held it while we were attempting to restrain him."

"Yep, real glad we didn't have ta fight him again, once was enough and ah don't reckon the rest of the princesses are feeling good enough to help us again yet. Never woulda thought that all that mumbo jumbo that sad feller told us would actually work, but hard to argue with results."

"Yep, and now I only need to continue deceiving the unstoppable incarnation of anger and violence for the next, how long did he say they lived again?"

"I think he said that these space marine monsters might be immortal outside of outright killing them, but over a thousand years for sure." Rainbow offered.

"Great~." Twilight groaned looking very much like she wanted to cry.

"Oh don't worry yourself too much Twi, I'm sure that with a little effort we'll be able to mellow the big guy out and be able to drop the act in no time." Applejack offered. An awkward silence tried to follow the statement but the persistent shout of '~UUUUUUUUU~' prevented any true silence from forming and forcing the orange farm pony to amend her statement, "Or at the very least we'll figure out some way ta contain or distract the darn varmint."

Twilight sighed, "Come on girls, best get this over with."

Author's Note

Okay upon rereading this the first chapter has a lot of stuff that people not familiar with Warhammer 40k won't understand. So here is a few cliff notes.

Astartes: Hulking post human man beast created by taking the most bad ass of badasses and subjecting them to multiple blindingly painful operations in a process that kills over 90% of those who undergo it. The resulting 7.5-9ft monster is so powerful that five hundred of them are believe to be overkill for seizing entire solar systems.

Chaos, Slaaneshi, Tau, Eldar: Basically several different the bad guys that are seeking to tear apart the Empire of Man. They are all known for killing multiple planets and there populations in the most horrible way possible. Even the nicest of them are know to sterilize humans and put explosive charges in their heads. They are all VERY bad people.

The Warp/psykers: The Warp is at once hyperspace, the manifestation of all thought by all sapient beings, and hell. Reality, causality, and physics do not apply in there and it is literally full of an endless tide of monsters and demons. Psykers are those unfortunate sods who happen to exist a bit more in the Warp than most people do. While this does let them do things like levitate stuff, shoot lightning, read minds, ect. it also makes them far more vulnerable to the many bad things that live in the warp and a point where those bad things can come through to try and kill everything.

A Wrathful Week

Twilight sat with her friends, minus Spike, around the Cutie Map. She had her hooves folded and the hat from her costume sitting beside her as she inhaled deeply through her nose and looked at her gathered compatriots. Both Applejack and Rainbow were looking nervously between Twilight and Starlight, who was currently looking around nervously, had a thick bandage wrapped around her head, and looked like she hadn't slept in a week. Fluttershy hardly looked much better, countless rings under her eyes, a haunted look in her tired eyes, and a deep frown on her face as she looked at Starlight. She too shared Starlight's a nervous glance at the kitchens deeper in the crystal tree castle. Rarity looked absolutely steamed as she muttered darkly to herself while she worked on some half finished piece before her. Pinkie seemed rather happy and excited as usual.

"Alright," Twilight finally began, "I know many of us didn't expect to still be alive at this point and the task I gave each of you was basically impossible. I've heard rumors of how this past week has gone for all of you, but I'd like to hear from each of you how your attempts to befriend our... guest, Captain Jac'ass." Her eyes drifted to the visibly sweating Starlight, "Starlight will you please explain to me what in tartarus happened with you and him? All I've managed to get from Jac'ass is a lot of shouting and profanity about you being some witch and how I should behead you the next time we meet due to chaos or something."

"Ah, before I begin, can I ask where Fubar is?" Starlight asked, eyes darting nervously about.

"I've got him and Spike in the kitchens preparing food, making sure it isn't poisoned, and-"

THAT'S NOT HOW I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO MAKE IT YOU DAMNED CROTCH SNIFFING NEWT!" a particularly angry voice roared from down the hall, "TELL ME HOW IN THE NAME OF THE EMPERAH'S MAJESTIC DONG IS THAT LETTING THE TEA SIMMER WITH FUCKING RAGE!?"

A much quieter but still plenty angry voice shouted back, "Well how the heck am I supposed to let it simmer with rage, huh? I'm fairly certain that is not a literal thing!"

"YOU DO SO BY CHANNELING YOUR FUCKING ANGER INTO THE DAMNED SHIT ASS TEA UNTIL IT LITERALLY BOILS WITH YOUR APPLIED RAGE NUMB NUTS! LIKE SO." the following river of non-stop spine tingling litany of pure anger and profanity was thankfully censored by Twilight casting a spell meant to completely deaden all sound. The gathered ponies could still make out a bit of shouting from down the hall nonetheless.

"This should keep them occupied for at least another fifteen minutes," Twilight finished.

"That can't be healthy for poor Spike," Fluttershy murmured, "I'm worried that he'll be a bad influence on the poor dear."

"Trust me he is," Twilight sighed her horn glowing with the spell, "Now please Starlight, tell me exactly what happened."

"Well it's kinda funny, you see I figured him being a massive terrifying gorilla that seems to be singularly focused on violence, I figured I might be able to impress him with my own troubled past and how much happier I am now that I'm not, what I was. This may~ have backfired spectacularly and gotten me accused of being a cultist traitor, which may have caused me to instinctively lash out with a mind control spell." many of those gathered around the table flinched and Twilight buried her face in her hooves, "He may~ have somehow overpowered the spell with, as far as I can tell, pure rage, which caused some sort of magical feedback. This may have caused me to panic and simply blast him, which in turn made him lunge for me which in turned caused that other guy you were talking about to momentarily hold him so I could escape. This all seems to have reinforced in his mind that I'm some sort of Chaos sorceress and now he really wants me dead. So if you don't mind I'd really like to go back to hiding in Maud's cave if you don't need me anymore."

Twilight simply waved the mare away with a hoof, leaving her face buried in the other. With that Starlight disappeared in a puff of magic leaving an awkward near silence in the room. After a near minute Twilight looked up and asked the table, "Please tell me that nopony else has anything worse to tell me."

"Well, that would rightly depend on how ya looked at it." Applejack muttered.

Twilight paused for a moment, holding her breath and releasing it slowly out her nose before looking over to the farm pony, "Would you care to elaborate Applejack?"

"Sure thing, now when ya sent the big guy my way to try and deal with I figured maybe I'd have him work the farm ta tire him out and maybe he'd be a little less angry after a day of good honest work. Turns out he's a mite too strong for that, was really tearing up every tree he punched or kick, all while screaming words I really ain't interested in Applebloom learnin' and spreadin' around. So without really thinking I told him to go walk the border of the Everfree and make sure none of the dangerous varmints in there were wandering too close to the farm.

"Now, what followed was partly my fault for not being clear with him about what qualified as 'too close' or how to deal with any critter he found. All I knew at the time was that I had about an hour or so of peace and quiet before I started to see smoke. Turns out he had another weapon we didn't know about at the time," Applejack raised a hoof stopping Twilight's question, "It's already on the list you're having us keep, number nine, the one that shoots fire like a dragon with the flu. The feller had gone and used it to burn down a few hundred acres of the Everfree and slaughtered just about everything in it."

"Oh no," Fluttershy murmured, "He didn't hurt too many of them did he."

Applejack cringed a bit, looked about, and finally flashed a toothy grin, "Hard to say to be honest, Fluttershy. I didn't really count. Not that it would have done much good, what with all the fire, and pieces." Fluttershy looked rather green, as did Rarity, "I did manage to stop him before he got too close to Zecora's place, I don't even want to know how he'd react to her, told him to go get cleaned up so that he'd be presentable later."

"Which was probably about the time I got reports of him storming through town covered in blood to walk into the pond," Twilight sighed remembering the countless panic stricken ponies and all the complaints leveled at her by the mayor since the incident had briefly turned the lake red and even stained the shore around it. "Does anypony here have any better news to tell me about their session with Fubar?"

Pinkie's hoof shot into the air as she began bouncing in her seat like an eager schoolfilly. Twilight grimaced and remembered the many many complaints that had come from that day and turned eagerly to Rainbow Dash who was hesitantly motioning with her hoof while muttering, "Well kinda sorta, I'm still not really sure myself."

"Please do tell Rainbow, what did you two do? I remember hearing some roaring, and not the usual kind, that day but otherwise it was pretty quiet." Twilight looked at one of the gems dangling from the chandelier above her with a faint smile, "I actually managed to forget about him for a few fantastic minutes."

"Well at first I asked if he could fly and he stomped off somewhere only to return a couple minutes later with this big yellow jetpack." she paused to look around the table to ask, "Anypony manage to figure out where he keeps getting and hiding all this stuff?"

"The armory." Pinkie stated.

"Right, anyway I told him that we needed to make sure the sky was cleared of clouds to make sure we could insure no one could sneak up on us from the sky or some such before showing him how to clear clouds. Turns out he can't burst them like a pegasus but can still rip them to pieces with enough swinging, shouting, or burning them away with his jet pack. Then I tried to ditch him to go to Wonderbolts practice, but~ he managed to keep up with me. Needless to say Spitfire was not happy to have him there and the two started shouting at each other.

"I was honestly afraid the two were going to come to blows right then and there. The Captain kept shouting about how pathetic the recruits and everyone else was, how poor the defenses he'd witnessed were, and how much of an idiot Spitfire was for setting such low standards, all while he constantly threatened to pound her flat. Spitfire was busy shouting at him for being a flying brick, as noisy as a trainwreck, having the gall to intrude on a military installation without proper clearance, and repeatedly stating that she didn't care what he was he didn't have clearance. Now I don't know what happened next as I'd slipped off to practice the routine for the next show, but I'm pretty sure it did come to blows as Spitfire had some ugly bruises and was favoring her left leg pretty badly next time I saw her and Fubar's armor had some new dents in it.

"The odd thing though was that they both seemed happier in a weird way. Fubar was tearing into a squad of recruits so viciously," the gathered ponies gasped. Rainbow rolled her eyes, "Verbally, he was verbally tearing into them to the point that they all seemed ready to flee but were too afraid to and Spitfire was asking if she could keep him. I honestly don't know what happened and I'm a bit afraid to find out, but it seems that Spitfire wants Fubar to help around the training grounds at least once a week if it's okay with you."

"I'm honestly not sure." Twilight sighed rubbing her face, "While I'd love to get Fubar out of my mane I really don't think it's a good idea to dump him on Spitfire, even if she's asking for him, which is really making me worried about that mare and how she treats he recruits. So Fluttershy, how'd your day with him go?" Twilight asked pointedly ignoring Pinkie's eagerly waving hoof in exchange for the one day a complaint hadn't been leveled at her or her new burden.

"Well, it went okay, I guess." the little yellow pony murmured, "Nothing too horrible happened."

"Did you manage to befriend him?" Twilight asked hopefully.

"I'd have to say, no. He really didn't seem to like me, or my animals, or my house. He mostly just shouted at me for being cowardly and allowing my animals to run free until Discord showed up."

Everypony at the table flinched. They had all been afraid of what would happen when their very violent bother met with the King of Chaos considering the former's very vocal aversion to said Chaos. "How did that go."

"Better than I expected," Fluttershy smiled before her ears fell, "but not as well as I hoped."

"So how much damage are we talkin here?"

"None thankfully, I think." Fluttershy squirmed, "When Discord appeared the two of them just looked at each other for several minutes. Neither said a word, moved, or even blinked, even when I tried to prompt them to. Then Discord just left and Fubar excused himself a couple seconds later. I haven't seen Discord since."

"Well that's, odd." Twilight mumbled.

"I'll say, I was willing to bet some cold hard bits on the two getting into a fight so massive they literally broke the universe when they met." Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"I'm rather glad they didn't," Twilight grumbled, she really didn't need more complaints and budget concerns added to the already massive pile, "So Rarity how'd your-?"

"I shall not speak of my time with that barbarian." Rarity snarled as she glared down at the dress she was working at grumbling darkly as she stabbed the fabric with her needle. Twilight was about to ask for details only to be interrupted.

"Oh, that means it's my turn right?"

Twilight was sorely tempted to say no, "Sure Pinkie, go on ahead."

"I had a great time with Jackie!" Pinkie declared happily, "He helped me take care of the twins, showed me a bunch of great recipes I'd never tried before, and helped with the baking during the lunch rush! We talked about all sorts of things to, our pets, the best ways to surprise someone, our families. Did you know that Jackie has like, thousands of brothers? I bet it's amazing to have such a massive family! Though I imagine that their parents would have trouble housing them all."

"Wait, wait, wait." Rainbow held up both her hooves, "Are you talking about Fubar? Captain Fubar Jac'ass? The perpetually angry and yelling giant of doom? The same guy who I watched literally murder a cloud."

"Yepperoni! Who would have guess he's a great chef?"

"Not that I doubt you Pinkie, but I'm having a hard time picturing him taking care of children." Fluttershy quietly stated.

"I didn't say he was much good at it," Pinkie giggled, "Jackie seemed to be almost terrified of taking care of them. You'd think he'd never had to take care of foals before the way he froze when they first started crying and with how much he struggled to change their diapers. When I asked him to help in the kitchens he practically sprinted for them."

"And he was good at baking?" Twilight's mind was still trying to catch up with Pinkie's description of her day with the giant. Her brains was still stubbornly refusing pair the images together, "As in he's good at something other than yelling and killing?"

"Well he does a whole lot of yelling while he cooks, claims it's an important part of the process, but yeah he's a great baker."

"How in tarnations did he learn to cook?" a very baffled apple horse asked.

"He told me that after getting trapped in blasted wastelands for years on end with nothing to eat but literal rocks he worked hard on making the most basic of foods taste good. Claimed he's had decades to hone his skills and I believe him. His blueberry muffins of vengeance are to die for. Such a shame so few ponies stayed to try them."

"IT WOULD BE MORE A SHAME IF THE LAZY ASS XENO FUCKS DIDN'T RETURN TO THEIR DAMNED WORK!" a terribly familiar roar filled the room causing five of the six ponies to nearly leap out of their seats. Somehow a three meter tall multi-ton mass of armor had simply appeared behind them all.

"Whoa, didn't mean to startle you everypony," Spike peeked out from behind the yellow clad titan carrying a silver tray of tea cups, his voice sounding like he had swallowed a frog, "Thought for sure you'd have heard us coming."

"It's fine Spike, I guess we were just distracted by our, tactics meeting." Twilight said dismissing her silencing spell, "Now why don't-"

"THEN WHY THE EMPERAH LOVING FUCK NUGGETS DID YOU TELL ME TO DO YOUR COCKING KITCHEN WORK YOU RETARDED TRIPLE FAG?"

"Because this isn't combat tactics, it's social tactics!" Twilight shouted back glaring up at the angry post-human. "Now if you want to sit here with us and discuss ways of peacefully persuading more ponies to want to join the Imperium than be my guest. If not than you can make sure no chaos has taken root inside our headquarters while we've all been here."

A low angry rumble, not unlike an avalanche, bubbled up from the yellow marine. "FINE! I DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN IN ON YOU DULL AS FUCK NERD SHIT. BESIDES, I SMELL A HERETIC IN NEED OF AN ANALLY ADMINISTERED PURGING AROUND HERE." Fubar stomped out of the room angrily leaving the room in relative silence as Twilight caught her breath, snorting with annoyance.

"You know you don't have to always be so mean to him," Spike said as he walked around the table passing out the tea cups, "He's actually not that bad a guy under all that armor and weaponry once you learn to tune out his cursing."

"Spike he's literally two tons of death incarnate that has loudly stated at multiple instances that he wants to kill us all." Twilight deadpanned.

"Well yeah he says that but he hasn't now has he?" Spike argued.

"Ya didn't see what he did back in Canterlot or to the princesses Spike," Applejack shuddered, "Frankly I'm astonished the sun and moon are still moving after all that."

"But he's behaving now isn't he? " Spike protested.

Twilight quickly recast her silencing spell just in case, "That's because he thinks that I'm an official from his empire and that he's here under orders. If it wasn't for that he'd probably have killed everypony in Canterlot, Ponyville, and Cloudsdale by now. Why are you even trying to defend him Spike? He's a monster!"

"Because he's not a total monster," Pinkie offered. Everypony turned to look at her, "I mean yeah he really is a big scary guy that is constantly angry and seems to constantly be looking for some way to violently vent his anger, but that doesn't seem to be all he is. When you get to know him, buried deep deep under all that anger is someone who seems so very sad and wants to help people."

"Um, you sure you aren't just trying to find some good in the big guy Pinkie?" Rainbow asked, "I don't think Captain Always Angry even understands the idea of sadness."

"You just got to actually spend some time with him, really look past what he is." Spike insisted setting aside the tea set, "He's actually a pretty cool guy, and really good at Ogres and Oubliettes."

"Do excuse me for being rude Spike," Rarity said patting Spike on the head as she took her teas, "but I'm afraid I don't see even the slightest possibility of that ruffian being anything other than a screaming brute." She took a sip her tea and her expression brightening immensely, "Oh this tea is delicious Spike, what blend did you use?"

"I don't recognize it myself, did you buy a new tea blend while we were busy Spike?" Twilight asked looking up from her own tea.

"Nope, Fubar made that." Spike said with a coy smile, "Said it's angry timberwolf tea with cinnamon and a hint of lemon. He was showing me how to make it, but I couldn't get it quiet right. He promised to spend some time later today to help me practice though."

"He knows how to make TEA!?" Rarity demanded glaring at the liquid with a mix of fury and reluctant appreciation.

"Wait he made tea out of timberwolves?" Rainbow asked, "That's kind of awesome, in a terrifying way."

"I really hope is doesn't make us sick," Twilight muttered.

"Nopey dopey," Pinkie said happily, "He made it while we were visiting the other day and nopony who had it got sick."

"I still refuse to believe that lout knows how to make tea, much less good tea." Rarity huffed taking another sip from her cup, "Though I will admit it does seem to do wonders for cooling a temper."

"I'm telling you he's really a fairly swell guy if you actually make the effort to get to know him." Spike insisted, "Just give him a real chance guys, please?"

"Fine," Twilight sighed taking another sip of her tea, "Even though I think we have given him more than enough chances as is."

Author's Note

Angry Marine Factoid
Some astartes chapters, including the Angry Marines, have traditions of renaming initiates upon becoming full astartes or as they achieve certain feats throughout their life. For the Angry Marines, you do not get a name until you earn it, you are but a number until then. And to make sure you never get to big a head your new name will always be somewhat insulting (I.E. Captain Asshole). However the Angry Marines always wear their names with pride and consider it a grave insult not to be called by these earned names.

A Choleric Chat

Twilight massaged her forehead with a hoof as she tiredly walked around her castle trying not to dwell to long on the day's latest string of unfortunate events. Apparently when she'd sent Fubar to patrol for Chaos in the castle, he'd stumbled across Starlight's room. Her cutie mark had supposedly reminded him too much of some eight pointed star that was somehow tied to chaos, so he had proceeded to toss everything she owned out the window and then set it on fire. When the fire department had shown up to try and put out the fire he'd threatened to throw them on the fire under the suspicion of supporting chaos worshipers, and for being filthy degenerate xenos who did not acknowledge the emperah's glory of course. Twilight had spent the last few hours putting out the fires that had sprung up from the incident, in too many cases literally, and apologizing to Starlight. At the moment she wanted to just climb into her bed and hope that she could fall asleep and wake up to find that the past week had all been one long horrible nightmare, that she had simply been in a coma or something all this time.

She stopped when she noticed that her personal hell made flesh was standing outside on a balcony looking up at the night sky. Twilight considered just sneaking past and ignoring the giant, after all she was rapidly reaching the point of insanity from having to deal with the monster. Then she remembered that she had promised Spike and Pinkie to give him another chance. She still considered giving the juggernaut a chance tomorrow after she had slept, but rationalized that if she did that he might well try and kill some passing thestral for being a heretical mutant or something.

Inhaling deeply through her nose and letting the breath slowly out her mouth Twilight turned to face the astarte warrior and immediately noticed something off about him. He not only didn't have an obvious weapon at hand, but he had removed his helmet, something she'd never seen him do. She could already notice a small bit of wispy grey hair on the top of his head, and more than that he didn't seem like he was about to leap on something with the intent of violently murdering it. Twilight briefly considered the soul crushing possibility that she might actually have another space marine monster on her hooves. "Captain Jac'ass?"

The Captain turned his head to glance over his massive right shoulder pauldron down at her and Twilight found herself a bit surprised at the creature that she saw. The grey head of hair was marred four deep scars, three appeared to belong to the claws of some unknown creature while the fourth was more of a long singular line, the fourth seem to have taken half of the man's right ear whenever he'd earned it. His nose might have once been prominent before it seemed to have been pounded flat from multiple breaks. A single emerald eye gazed down at her with a kind of tired disgust that Twilight felt affronted to have directed at her. All and all the face made her think of the creatures on the other side of the mirror portal blown up to monstrous proportions with tiny eyes. Honestly Twilight had been expecting something more vile and evil under that armor, seeing this, was almost more disturbing.

The man turned away from Twilight and with a tired irritable snort, "What the hell do you want, Inquisitor?"

"What are you doing out here?" Twilight wracked her tired brain for the least objectionable reason, "Scouting for enemy fliers?"

"No, just looking at the stars."

Twilight paused as she forced her mind to restart. "That doesn't seem like you. Is something the matter."

"I do not recall my travel to this world, I have no idea where I am, I am being SO POORLY FUCKING UTILIZED IT MAKES ME TEMPTED TO SIMPLY PURGE EVERY EMPERAH DAMNED XENO COCKSHEATH ON THIS DAMNED PLANET, AND I AM WITHOUT EVEN A SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF MY FART SNIFFING LAZY ASS BRAINDEAD BROTHERS WITH ME ON THIS FUCKING MISSION. I AM COMpletely and utterly alone for the first time in centuries. Looking at these stars I can't even recognize a single one. I haven't received A SINGLE COCKING REPORT ABOUT ANYTHING GOING ON IN THE REST OF THE BLOODY IMPERIUM THE ENTIRE TIME I'VE BEEN ROTTING LIKE A BRAIN DEAD NURGLITE ON THIS SHIT STAINED XENOS INFESTED PILE OF RANCID SHIT PASSING FOR A GARDEN WORLD. FOR ALL I KNOW, everyone else is dead." He snarled like a caged beast, "And now I'm SPILLING MY FUCKING GUTS TO A TRIPLE FAG XENO WITCH INQUISITOR WHORE LIKE A DAMNED PUSSY!"

Twilight took a step back in utter shock at the most productive and meaningful interaction she had had with the roaring giant during her entire time with him. She took a nervous step forwards, then a couple more and rested her hoof on the man's knee. Ignoring his warning growl she smiled up at the man beside her, "You know it's not a bad thing to have these feelings or talk about them Captain. In fact you should probably voice such concerns more often, it might make you feel better and be less angry all the time."

Twilight felt immediate regret which was swiftly replaced by mortal terror as before she had time to blink, she was swept off her hooves and lifted into the air by her throat. The experience was made all the more terrifying as Twilight discovered that the man's left eye, and more than a bit of his face, had been replaced by three glassy red eyes and several chunks of metal. "MAYBE IF I WAS SOME WEAK ASS PISSY XENO BITCH LIKE YOURSELF OR SOME WEAK KNEED MILQUETOAST PUSSY OF A GAURDSMAN SUCH FEELING WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE YOU STUPID LITTLE TRIPLE FAGGOT." Twilight flapped her wings, slammed her hooves against the hand that held her, as the terrifying half mechanical face that had already blown past red and was turning purple dominated her view, "BUT I'M NOT, I'M AN EMPERAH FUCKING BLESSED ADEPTUS FUCKING ASTARTES. AND NOT SOME OVERHYPED TOILET SEAT LICKING ULTRASMURF, A RAGING UNSTOPPABLE CHAOS DESTROYING BADASS ANGRY MARINE. MY RIGHTEOUS FURY HAS BEEN SCRAWLED INTO MY FUCKING GENETIC CODE FOR THE SINS COMMITTED AGAINST OUR LEGION AND OUR BELOVED IMPERIUM. NOTHING SHALL EVER QUENCH MY FURY, CERTAINLY NOT SOME STUPID BITCH WITCH THAT SUCKED ENOUGH COCKS TO GET HERSELF AND HER PEOPLE SOMEHOW OKAYED WITH THE THRICE DAMNED INQUISITION."

Twilight found herself dropped unceremoniously on the ground. She gasped for breath as she instinctively backpedaled into a corner to try and put some distance between herself and the monster attacking her. She braced herself against the wall with wide eyes as she tried to still her heart, massaging her throat and cast a furious glare up at Fubar who was once more watching the stars with an angry glare of his own. Finding herself ignored Twilight slowly calmed herself and straightened up, giving the towering beast an uncertain look as she found herself unable to decide if she should be afraid, angry, or sad. He was every bit the violent, murderous, xenophobic monster she thought him to be, but she did in fact catch a glimpse of that sadness Pinkie said he carried. She honestly didn't know whether she should continue trying to reach him, run away and hide under her bed, or resume trying to find a way to spirit him away in some manner she felt certain he would never ever possibly manage to return.

Then a weak, weary voice laden with despair trickled into her ears, "Twilight."

It had come from Fubar, but it would never be recognized as him by any who heard it. The new voice made Twilight perk up in nervous excitement as she carefully examined the astarte. Fubar Jac'ass' shoulders where no longer impossibly square, but sagging and defeated, despite still being a three meter tall terror, he seemed much smaller than he usually did. He was looking back at her with a face so sad and devoid of anger that Twilight wouldn't have been able to recognize it as Fubar's had she seen in a crowd. "Danse?"

"Yeah," the stranger in the angry marine's body said sadly, "Sorry about that, I was trying to resurface earlier, but he never really stops fighting that little niggling voice in his head."

"How long do we have?" Twilight asked worriedly.

"Not long," the man stated sadly, "Have you managed to find a way to separate us yet?"

"No, I'm trying, I really am, but," Twilight hesitated, "I'm also not certain I should, you're the only thing really holding Fubar back and-."

Twilight gasped out in pain. Despite not being Fubar, the entity named Danse still inhabited the body of the Angry marine. In an instant he'd spun around, crossed the distance between them, and tightly gripped Twilight's forelegs in what was an unintentionally bone crushing grip. "Please Twilight, you have to free me! I can't survive in here! I'm being constantly crushed beneath the weight of Fubar's mind. Every day I feel like I'm losing more and more of myself to him. I don't know if we're becoming one, or I'm simply being erased bit by bit. Either way it is horrifying, painful, and unstoppable, I need you to save me Twilight, please!"

"Danse," Twilight gasped as tears began to spill from her eyes in pain, "Stop. Please."

"You have to get me out of here Twilight! You have t-to gET, GET. OUT. OF. MY HEAD!" Twilight's limbs were released as Fubar's body seemed to suffer a stroke and in an instant became the living avatar of the Emperor's righteous fury once more. He stood up and began to visually sweep the area with such speed his body was a blur, "EMPERAH DAMNED CHAOS PSYKERS, GET YOUR MULTI-DEAMON COCK SUCKING ASSPIPE OUT HERE AND GET YOUR FREE CHAINSWORD ASS RAPING YOU COWARDLY CUNTS! I'LL SHOW YOU-" His eyes fell to where Twilight lay gasping on the floor, curled into a ball of pain, the occasional sob managing to squeeze its way past the pain. "FUCKING JIZZ SNORTING COWARDS USING ME TO ATTACK YOU IN THEIR STEAD."

With alarming speed and almost equally alarming gentleness Twilight found herself in the giant's arms. "LET GET YOUR BUSTED ASS TO THE MEDICAE BEFORE SOMEONE DEMOTES YOU TO GLUE INQUISITOR."

Author's Note

Originally this chapter wasn't suppose to occur until later in the story. But it just seems to fit better here. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but I say it's good enough for now. Also don't expect the current rate of chapters coming out to continue. I'm not holding myself to any kind of schedule, just posting them as I get inspired or feel the need to write.

Angry Marine Fun Fact
The Angry Marines on one of several chapters that are not compliant with the Codex Astartes, a book that many believe must be followed to the letter. This means that the Angry Marines are technically an illegal organization within the Imperium of Man and will be forcibly terminated if this fact is discovered. To date they have managed to avoid this fate by several rather clever ploys that include writing their own codex, becoming fleet based to make it harder to get an accurate count of their numbers, not really counting their numbers themselves so the information is unavailable, and making life for anyone attempting to appraise their compliance so hellish that they leave before getting a good look at anything.

An Antagonistic Aftermath

Twilight awoke with bleary eyes and pained forelegs to an earth shattering cry of, "DIE YOU FUCK LOVING CHAOS MUTANT!!" accompanied by the increasingly familiar sound of shattering masonry.

Twilight groaned, trying to wipe the sleep from her eyes before remembering that her forelegs were both broken and sighing. She had been kept awake most of the night by both pain and the near constant sounds of a certain yellow terror rampaging through the entirety of Ponyville which included, but was not limited to, screams of terror, her friends begging the monster to put the accused heretic of the minute down, and what she was sure was the sound of a building being uprooted and thrown. She had finally managed to drift off to sleep well after the sun had risen when her friends managed to convince the astartes on a warpath to return to the hospital and guard her. Judging by the clock she had only managed to catch three hours of sleep.

Twilight sighed again, fighting back the weary tears building at the edge of her eyes, tiredly listening to the distant screaming and roaring that she was currently powerless to stop. On the bright side, she didn't hear the telltale sound of weapon number four, the screaming chainsaw sword, so at least there was a chance he wasn't trying to kill whatever had set him off. She did wish the building would quit shaking though, the vibration was really aggravating her legs.

Twilight felt just a bit of pride, and a lot of weary despair, that she barely even jumped when the door to her hospital room was booted off its hinges and impacted loudly against the far wall. She slowly sat up to better face the dusty, ash covered, but thankfully blood free giant that was currently trying to awkwardly fit itself through the doorframe without damaging it further without much success. She didn't even sigh when with an angry snarl her constant tormentor simply stood up and destroyed several feet of wall by walking into the room.

"INQUISITOR TWATLIGHT! AS PER YOUR OH SO STUPIDLY RETARDED ORDERS, I'M HERE TO DEMAND YOUR FUCKING PERMISSION TO END THIS HIDEOUS CHAOS COCK WORSHIPING EYESORE OF A FUCKBOMINATION FOR THE GOOD OF THE IMPERIUM." With a jerk Twilight realized that the captain was holding someone in his massively oversized hand by the head and holding his chainblade to "fuckbomination's" throat.

"H-hi Twilight," Thorax whimpered with a weak wave, "Please help."

"SILENT YOU CUM GARGLING COCK MONSTER!" Fubar roared, "YOU ARE HERE TO DIE! NOT FUCKING FOUL THE ALREADY XENO TAINTED AIR WITH YOUR BRAIN DEAD WHIMPERING!"

Now Twilight did in fact, sigh. She longed for her forehooves to be healed so she could massage away the newest migraine, but alas, such was her fate. "Fubar, please release him. Thorax is a friend of mine and ruler of a southern hive. In fact, I'd be very happy if you resumed whatever my team had you doing before you so roughly escorted him here."

Thorax hit the ground with a thud as he was dropped, "FUCK YOU! I REFUSE TO FUCKING LEAVE YOU ALONE WITH THIS DAMNEDABLE HELLPIT ABOMINATION! THIS FAGGOT PRACTICALLY REEKS WITH EMPERAH DAMNED TZEENTCH AND SLAANESH TAINT AND I'LL BE A BITCH TO AN ULTRASMURF INITIATE BEFORE I LEAVE YOU TO BE SKULL FUCKED BY THIS FUGLY XENOS PSYKER BITCH BABY!" Thorax curled into a trembling ball as the three tons of death seemed to fill half the room, towering over him and glaring down at him with unblinking eyes of an angry god.

Twilight found herself channeling some of the marine's own anger as her brows furrowed and she growled, "I believe I ordered you to leave the room and let us speak in peace Captain. Now leave before I'm forced to let your superiors know how one of their captains is incapable of following simple fucking orders."

Twilight glared at the angry titan as he glared right back at her, vibrating with barely contained rage. Twilight briefly wondered if she'd finally pushed the monster too far as she became keenly aware of exactly how deadly the armed beast before her was and how powerless she'd be against it in her condition. But she continued to hold the gaze of the unstoppable avatar of fury before, fearing her end if she so much as blinked. Twilight began to sweat as she spotted the spasmodic twitching she'd come to recognize as Danse mentally attempting to hold Fubar back, but continued to maintain her glare with the marine's glowing red eyes.

The stand off ended as Fubar turned to the far wall and proceed to walk through it, causing the wall to collapse with a loud clatter. The fuming fighter continued forward through the hole, taking the fall from the second story of the hospital like it wasn't there. Twilight, briefly thought that the battle of wills had ended, when two massive hands gripped the edge of the hole and the top of a snarling yellow helm peeked over the edge and glared at the pair from, technically outside of the room.

Unwilling to begin a fresh battle of wills, Twilight levitated the blinds from the destroyed window off the floor and placed them over the hole Fubar had left in the wall before letting them down. While this did indeed block the very angry man from sight, his helmet's eyes continued be visible through the blinds as two red glows that seemed to be attempting to burn their way through the fabric with concentrated vitriol.

Casting a sound blocking barrier over the hole in the wall Twilight finally felt comfortable to let the exhaustion nearly floor her. She sagged back into her bed and closed her eyes, sorely tempted to simply fall back asleep, but that would be rather rude. So she turned to smile at Thorax, "Hello Thorax, I'm really sorry if I forgot an appointment we made, but as you can see I've been a bit busy lately."

"D-don't worry, uh, Inquisitor Twilight, I actually was just stopping by to visit Spike when your, ah, new friend stopped me." Thorax's eyes darted over to the two glowing dots on the blinds as his senses showed him the towering white hot inferno of fury that was waiting just meters away from him. He swallowed nervously and smiled even more nervously, "Congratulations on the, promotion?"

Twilight's smile vanished, "Please do not call me that Thorax, not only are we friends, but I've come to actively despise having to use that false title. And Captain Jac'ass is not my friend, he is an unspeakable burden that if not properly handled could end Equestria." Thorax began to sweat nervously and scooted a bit further from the angry ever watchful eyes, "But on a more pleasant note, you said you were coming to visit Spike?"

"Yes, I'm afraid that some of the changelings, are being a bit, resistant to the current way of doing things and-"

"WHERE ARE THESE BRAINDEAD SOON TO BE DEAD REBEL FUCKING CORPSES?" a malicious snarl demanded as Fubar began to drag himself back into the room, tearing great gouges in the floor.

"Back outside Fubar, this will be handled by my team and-" Twilight started glaring daggers at the marine while she mentally shelved the question of how the monster had heard the conversation through a sound proof barrier.

"FUCK YOU BITCH! I AM PART OF YOUR FUCKING TEAM! UNLESS YOU ARE COMPLETELY EMPERAH DAMNED RETARDED, YOU BROUGHT ME HERE FOR A DAMNED REASON AND BEING A FUCKING BAD ASS ANGRY AS FUCK MARINE THAT REASON IS SMASHING IN THE SKULLS OF MUTANTS, REBELS, AND HERETICS! AND SEEING AS YOUR HORRENDOUS EXCUSE FOR A FRIEND IS HAVING PROBLEMS WITH A BUNCH OF CUNTING REBELS IT IS MY CUNTING PROBLEM TO END WITH MAXIMUM PREJUDICE! GOT THAT FUCKTARD?"

Twilight wanted to push back against the marine, but she was simply to tired to try and pick apart the man's argument. And even if it meant passing the buck to Thorax, she would be more than happy to not have to deal with him for a few days while she recovered and got some sleep. She could have a freak out over the moral implications of what she was doing and how it could end Equestria when she got some shut eye. "You make a fair point Captain, however I will insist that you follow King Thorax's orders during this mission and not kill anything without his explicit permission."

"Um, Twilight, can't I just talk to Spike about this?" Thorax begged his smile becoming unspeakably nervous and forced.

"GREAT IDEA MINI-MUTANT," the worryingly excited sounding purpose built killing machine roared, grabbing Thorax by the head again. "THAT LITTLE PURPLE NERD IS A DAMN GOOD STRATEGIST FOR A FUCKING XENO SOFTY."

With Thorax's rapidly vanishing cry of misery and terror the two disappeared out the hole in the wall once more leaving Twilight alone. She took advantage of this by promptly falling back in her bed with a tired, yet satisfied, hum as she began to drift off to sleep. She was prevented from drifting off by a staged cough from where the door use to be. Looking up Twilight spotted a dozen less than pleased hospital staff being led by Mayor Mare, who looked rather cross herself.

"Now that you are done with your lastest meeting, I don't suppose you'd have some time to talk, Inquisitor?" Mayor Mare all but growled, her eyes locked onto Twilight like a hungry timberwolf. Twilight for her part just lay her head down and began to silently weep.

~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~~*~~~~

Halfway across town Spike was actually having a rather nice morning with Princess Ember. He'd been a bit nervous when he'd started setting up the welcoming banner, especially when Fubar had stumbled across the preparations, thankfully a short explanation got the marine to move on with his witch hunt. Frankly, after that welcoming Ember and showing her around the town had been relaxing and easy.

They were currently sat at an outdoor cafe where Spike was planning to introduce Ember to milkshakes. "So what's this problem you said you're having? Are the other dragons still giving you trouble? They aren't planning to overthrow you are they?"

"Nah, not really anything like that. They were at first, but I just kicked their butts a bit and smashed a few heads together and they fell into line, mostly. Nah my problem has been that a bunch of dragons have been," Ember paused, tilting her head as she listened to a rapidly approaching roar of thunder, "The heck is that?"

Spike tilted his head before quickly recognizing the sound of something big moving very fast. "Oh, that's just a new friend of mine, he's pretty scary at first, but he's also really cool. If you want, I can introduce you to him, I think you two would actually get along pretty well once you both finish screaming at each other." Spike hopped out of his chair and looked down the street where he spotted a splotch of yellow that was causing ponies to rapidly flee the street near the edge of his vision. Spike could just make out something in the distant giant's hand, a new weapon? Spike waved and shouted, "Hey! Captain Jac'ass! I'd like to hmfph!"

Spike felt the wind knocked out of him as his oversized friend roared down the road in an instant and scooped him up without slowing down. Spike shook his head from within the massive hand that had enveloped his body and noticed that what he'd seen in the astartes' other hand was rather surprisingly Thorax. "Thorax? What are you doing here?"

"I'm so sorry Spike!" the changeling wailed, "I just wanted to ask you a question! I didn't mean to get you tangled up in this!"

"What are you talking about?"

"INQUISITOR TWATLIGHT HAS DECIDED I'M TO HELP THIS PATHETIC PIECE OF EYE SEARING XENO-SHIT PUT DOWN A REBELLION CAUSED BY HIS OWN DAMNED INCOMPETENCE." Fubar roared as he carried the pair through town at top speed, "HE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO GET HIS SHIT FILLED BRAIN TO FUNCTION FOR HALF A SECOND AND REQUESTED WE GATHER YOU AS WELL. I AGREED, TIME FOR YOUR FIRST MISSION NERDNEWT!"

"Oh cool, are we going to the changeling kingdom? I can't wait to see what you've done to the place! Oh wait, Fubar, can you hold on a minute, I was in the middle of something when-."

Something impacted the back of the Fubar's helm hard enough for him to actually feel it. The giant skidded instantly to a halt without a sound, leaving a rather ominous silence hanging over the street.

"Ow, the heck are you made of?" Ember grunted clutching her hand before turning to glare at the Angry marine captain, "Alright punk get away from my friend or I'm going to mess you up good." Without looking at her, Fubar slowly set down both Spike and Thorax, "That's right punk, now get out of here!" Instead the oddly silent man slowly removed his helmet and looked it over. There was a small, barely noticeable scratch on the back of it where Ember's claws had not only removed paint but actually dug into the metal of the armor. A scratch on the back of his armor, it would doubtlessly look like he had either been ambushed or had acquired it running away.

Spike and Thorax looked up at the man's face with shock and began to slowly back away as with horrific slowness the Angry Marine rose to his full towering height. He made not a sound and spoke not a word as he stood there, his entire body trembling violently as he looked down at the helmet in his hands. "Hey you hard of hearing!? Get lost!"

"Ember! Fucking run damnit!" Spike cried out, his eyes wide and panicked.

"Spike? What are-?" Ember made the fatal mistake of glancing over to the smaller dragon.

A wordless roar tore through the street as Fubar Jac'ass, whirled about and lunged at the tiny little lizard that had given him such an insulting and dishonorable mark on his armor. His red mechanical eyes seemed to leave red trails through the air as the three thousand pounds, two hundred decible, purple faced eidolon of murderous fury descended on its target. Ember was hardly even aware that the unknown creature had moved before it was lifting her off the ground by the throat with one hand and roaring in her face. She struggled against the grip as a terrible alien visage filled her view and her friends watched on, powerless to stop what came next.

~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~

"Who even knows what he's doing now? Attacking more citizens? Causing more property damage? I know you keep claiming that you need to keep an eye on this monster or else it could destroy Equestria, but do you really have to do it here and let it have free reign in Ponyville? I'm constantly inundated with complaints from concerned citizens and now I'm beginning to hear talk of people moving out just to get away from your newest pet monster! I understand that you are a princess now Twilight, but this is still my town and I have given you more than enough time to try and get that beast under control."

Mayor Mare paused to take a breath from her latest rant. Twilight fully understood how she felt, but she really wished that the Mayor would both find new material for her rants as well as actually pay attention to the information Twilight told her. This was the twelveth time this week the mare had come complaining to Twilight, thirteen if she counted the time Fubar had caught her complaining and booted her out the nearest door, and every time it was almost the exact same complaints repeated verbatim. At least this time Twilight had something to offer the mayor other than her usual assurances of doing all she could.

"Mayor Mare," Twilight interrupted the politician, "While I would love to listen to your lecture about a princess' duty and how I'm obviously not doing enough to try and restrain what might potentially be the greatest threat Equestria has ever faced. I'd like to save us both several minutes by informing you that I have currently managed to have Fubar transferred over to the changeling hive to help King Thorax deal with some minor problems that have been plaguing them lately. I've also began negotiations with Spitfire to have him spend a bit of time with her to help train new recruits. While these are both short term solutions at best and do not deal with the issue of a giant murderous monster from another world that would see us all dead if he has even the faintest of an inkling of the idea that we might not, in fact, be in the middle of joining his massive space empire, it will give us more time to find a way of dealing with him and give Ponyville a few days to recover."

Twilight took a moment to feel slightly smug at the following quiet, until she caught sight of a tangled blue ball of limbs that was emitting a muffled scream as it was hurried past her room on a stretcher towards the OR. "Redheart, can you please let me know when Princess Ember will be in any condition to have visitors, I'd like to try and stop another diplomatic incident happening with the dragonlands if at all possible."

Author's Note

Fun Angry Marine Fact

Despite everything about the Angry Marines and how they conduct themselves, they are still easily in the top ten, possibly even top five, best chapters to come calling when you need help.

Yes they will likely demand control of your military, constantly insult you, badger your men, and not care overly much about collateral damage, but they actually do care if normal people live or die. They might not make it a priority to save lives like the Salamanders or Knights Inductor, but they also won't use you as bait/target practice like others will.

Heck they are the only Astartes chapter, to my knowledge, that has a literal army of 'serfs' composed purely out of guardsmen that they have save from an overzealous Inquisitor or Grey Knights that they fight along side.

A Riotous Rebellion Resolution

It had been a long time since he had spent so much time on a garden world, it had been even longer since he had been able to fly over one without worrying about being shot at or attacked by vile aliens. He had to admit, he hadn't cared for it at first, but now the tedium of it all was causing him to pray that he never had to suffer through another such stay ever again. It had somehow managed to turn roaring through the skies on a noisy jetpack that left an acrid black trail of smoke and flames behind him boring. Even his two passengers were no longer screaming in terror and had settled in to tired grumbling. Honestly the amount of bugs that he'd flown through hadn't helped the mood of any of the three, especially not when the hideous governor bitched at him to stop using the monster's horns to scrape the bugs out of his visor.

"HOW MUCH FURTHER IS THIS SHIT HOLE XENOS SCUM?" Fubar growled as the trio zoomed over yet another tiny little town, he wanted to get to killing hideous xenos already and he didn't have any brothers with him to banter with to help pass the time.

"Shouldn't be much further I think," the ugly as fuck acid green and orange abomination shouted over the wind and engines, "In fact I think that's it- GULHUK!" Yet another cloud of bugs, more than a few being swallowed by an unfortunate abomination, much to Fubar's personal amusement. As the governor gagged and the tiny purple xeno reptile that Fubar had come to reluctantly admit was a halfway decent tactician and not too horribly obnoxious to be around, for a weak little xeno nerd, did its best to scrape the latest coating a smashed bugs off his face using Fubar's knuckles. He was about to gently chastise the whelp by headbutting it when the roar of the jetpack cut out and the three began to fall.

"Uh, Jac'ass?" Nerdnewt called nervously looking at the approaching rocky ground. "Isn't it a bit early to be going in for a landing?"

"OUT OF FUEL NERDNEWT," the towering captain shouted as the flying brick rapidly continued its transition from flying to falling, "BRACE FOR IMPACT WIMPS!" The two did their best to escape his grip, thrashing in his hands while screaming at the top of their lungs as Fubar continued to gaze resolutely ahead, seeming to ignore the rapidly approaching rocks. After all, dynamic entries like this were practically an everyday occurrence for any Angry Marine worth their salt, and he was not afraid to admit that he'd become something of a fan of them himself. Such entries were a great way to get to murdering without all that tedious walking.

Without a word he put his legs beneath him, charged up his boots and performed a dive kick into the ground at near terminal velocity. His thick power feet glowed brightly white as their energy field tore into the ground, reducing it to a fine rocky powder. The Captain, with the experience of centuries of rough landings bent his knees to further absorb the impact as he skidded across the ground, throwing up chunks of rock that pinged loudly off his armor as his power feet tore a deep groove into the ground as the brilliant white disruption field continued to atomize the ground around them. Slowly the protective field of destruction was worn away and finally failed, causing the ground to abruptly become very firm and solid, sweeping the feet out from under him, sending all three of the unfortunates into a profanity laced tumble across the rocky ground of the badlands.

Spike and Thorax screams shifted a octave higher from their inescapable position within each of the astarte's massive hands as the tumble began. They each expected death to come in an instant, dashed against the sandy rocks of the badlands. Yet as the monster carrying them continued to skip across the ground, the death never seemed to come, each finding themselves shifted away from death with each violent strike of the ground.

Finally the bouncing ended and the mass of dented yellow metal containing a moderately mad man simply slid along the ground for nearly a hundred meters on his face, his two still screaming passenger still held safely away from the ground as they all finally came to a stop. The two natives continued to scream for several second, their eyes still squeezed shut in hopes of not seeing their approaching death. Eventually their cries of mortal terror began to trail off as they began to realize that they had both stopped and still seemed to be alive.

"We're alive?" Thorax croaked looking about in disbelief. As Fubar remained face down. His entire frame was full of a tingling aftershock from the impact that was making him feel ever so slightly more alive than he had been this entire long tedious week.

"I think so?" Spike looked down at the motionless giant holding them, "Jac'ass? You okay big guy?"

Captain Jac'ass decided he'd taken enough time laying down in the ground enjoying the familiar feeling of dull pain echoing across his frame from the rousing sensation of a violent impact. "IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN A SINGLE IMPACT AT TERMINAL VELOCITY TO DOWN A FUCKING ANGRY MARINE," the fact that his face was half buried in the ground did little to muffle his shouting, a technique he'd mastered centuries ago. He released the two natives and pushed himself up to his knees, "I HAVE TAKEN FAR WORSE IMPACTS IN MY TIME. THIS SHIT WAS NOTHING TO BEING FIRED OUT OF AN ANGRANATOR INTO A DAMNED DREADNOUGHT."

"Glad to hear it buddy," Spike smiled patting the marine on his knee as Fubar finished pulling himself out of the ground and turned around to admire the massive trench he had dug in the rocky ground.

"AH FUCKING SHIT!" Fubar stomped the ground, "EIGHT MORE METERS AND THIS SHIT WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERSONAL RECORD! FUCK YOU YOU SHITTY GROUND FOR STOPPING US SO SOON!" He stomped the ground again before bending over and punching it several times while screaming more profanity at it. And no one was trying to stop him, mind he didn't hear the others cheering him on or joining in, but still it was a nice bit of normalcy for him.

Under his profanity and the sounds of pulverized earth Fubar heard the ugly bug governor whisper to Nerdnewt, "Uh, Spike can we try and get to the hive without your, um, friend? I don't think something like that should be near the hive. It will probably end violently."

"YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT IT WILL END VIOLENTLY YOU RETARDED EXCUSE OF A GOVERNOR!" Fubar said pointing at the bug monster, pausing to give the earth one last punch in punishment before rising back up and walking over to the two tiny xenos. "I PLAN ON MAKING IT SO THAT THOSE GENIUS FUCKING CUNTS WHO WERE SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE YOU WERE A SHIT GOVERNOR NEVER HAVE ENOUGH BRAIN CELLS LEFT IN THEIR STUPID HEAD TO EVER FUCKING DARE QUESTION YOU AGAIN!" Fubar held up his power fist which began to crackle with energy and drew his chainblade which began to purr with anticipation. "I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE DOING WHAT I WAS FUCKING MADE FOR AGAIN!"

"Uh, you aren't actually going to kill anyone right?" Nerdnewt asked worriedly.

Fubar snarled like a caged ambull taking a shockmaul to the taint, "UN-FUCKING-FORTUNATLY, YES, UNLESS YOU OR GOVERNOR NO NUTS OVER THERE AGREES TO IT. THANKFULLY, BY THE GRACE OF THE EMPERAH, CRIPPLING AND DISMEMBERMENT ARE STILL ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY STILL ON THE MENU." He found himself chuckling maliciously as his vision danced with memories of just extermination and dismemberment of both himself and his foes.

"Can I get you to at least keep it down to no lasting injuries unless absolutely necessary?" Nerdnewt asked in a tone that sounded just shy of begging.

Fubar's gaze jerked down to the tiny little reptile that could live comfortably in his boot, causing said xeno to flinch but meet his eye. Fubar lowered himself down to sit on his heels, completely enveloping both of the xenos in his shadow as he continued to hold Nerdnewt's gaze causing two tiny creatures to begin to sweat. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I TEACH YOU AND YOUR GEHTO ASS TEAM IN YOUR CHILDISH LITTLE COMBAT TRAINING GAME?"

"That if you even think it might be dangerous destroy it as thoroughly as possible with as much overwhelming firepower as manageable?"

"NO YOU STUPID TWAT, THE OTHER THING!"

"Sometimes it's more important to stop the bad guys than to save everypony?" That one drew a horrified look from Thorax.

"NO! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT NOW PARROT IT BACK TO ME OR I'LL STOMP YOU THROUGH THIS MISBEGOTTEN CLUMP OF FOSSILIZED SHIT YOU CALL A PLANET"

Spike looked at the ground and quietly murmured out, "It's often better to make a horribly bloody example out of a few to spare the many." Before Fubar had a chance to praise the little thing for being smart enough to remember his basic lessons and offer him a weapon to help with the necessary purging, Nerdnewt glared up at him with fire in his little eyes. "But this is not one of those situations. I bet you're just trying to do it this way because you're too much of a pussy to try and solve the problem without maiming everyone. So much for Angry Marines being the biggest, toughest, and bravest mofos to ever serve the Emperah, you're such a, uh, cocking pansy ass Ultrasmurf just doing whatever your dumbass buttwipe of a book tells you to do."

For half an instant the insult had shocked Fubar into a state of speechlessness. After said half instant, he rose to his full height as his blood began to properly boil from the bite of the little xeno's insult. Normally he'd rip anything that dared even imply such words into tiny, screaming, burning pieces before grinding them under his boots. But this wasn't normal circumstances. This was from someone who technically qualified as an ally, showing more spine than the captain had seen in weeks, dealing out the first damned impressive insult he'd receive since arriving. With no small amount of pride, fury, and regret he couldn't help but speculate about how good an initiate little Nerdnewt could have been if he'd been born human. Nevertheless, he felt like the little shit had earn himself a proper reward, so he knowingly swallowed the bait.

"IS THAT SO YOU LIL' SHIT!?" he roared slamming the tiny dragon on the top of the head hard enough to bury it up to it's neck in the ground, "I'LL SHOW YOU WHO THE REAL PUSSY IS! I'LL SHOUT THESE REBELLIOUS FUCKERS INTO LINE WITH MINIMAL INJURED AND LITERALLY RUB IT IN YOUR RETARDED LITTLE FACE WHEN I'M THROUGH!" With that he turned to face the distant structure and began to storm towards it loudly muttering a proud litany of curses. Sure he was no longer going to get to horribly maim countless rebels for shits and giggles, but he'd made a major step on properly converting one of the vile xenos on this planet over to the proper way of doing things.

But why did he care? These were repulsive xenos monstrosities that he should be purging until either he died or all of them were dead, not only that an alarming portion of them appeared to be psykers, and a few were obviously tainted by chaos. So why in the Emperah's holy name was he actually helping them.

They have been accepted by the Imperium, a part of him quietly argued, And are working to become a part of it. Isn't that enough?

Except that they weren't, not really. Despite seemingly having asked for him, so far the Inquisitor had been doing her level best to keep him out of everything and even this mission had required him all but threatening her to send him on it. Not to mention the notable lack of any other members of the Inquisition, Commissariat, or Guard that should being going through this planet with a fine toothed comb. Even that one chaos sorceress and her pet demon should have been enough to get this entire world glassed and its people exterminated, yet not only had there been no official response, even he had somehow let it pass. Why?

Perhaps because of all the psykers? The little voice offered, To have so many psykers and have so few falling to chaos was an oddity. More than likely the Imperium is giving these xenos such astonishing privileges in order to properly study them and draft from their seemingly endless hordes of psykers.

Fubar shook his head with a snarl. That was also impossible. If they wanted to study these creatures, there would already be countless Magos and Mechanicum bases dotting the planet to dissect the natives. Not to mention the fact these aliens had so many psykers would only prove that they could potentially be a threat if they were allowed to propagate and thrive. And he personally knew exactly how dangerous it would be for it to be known that anyone knew anything about anything that made someone immune or highly resistant to the warp and its threats. If that was it, these creatures would have all been abducted and secreted away by the Inquisition or the Ghay Knights. After all it was for that exact reason that the Angry Marines were now what they were.

The little voice tried to speak again, but Fubar simply snarled again, shaking his head with frustration. Why was he even arguing with himself? This wasn't like him at all. He'd always been so sure of himself and everything he did. Keep it simple you fucking moron! Had always been his creed and he'd never struggled to live by it. So why was he now second guessing himself? Was it because he was afraid of punishment? Like hell he was! He was a mother fucking Angry Marine Captain, he wasn't afraid of anything! If Mofo or Temprus had a problem with how he handled this he'd tell them to eat his ass and take his beating like a man! If the Inquisition took issue, then fuck them in the ass! Like he'd never punted an Inquisitor before, they should have fucking known better than to send a fuck mothering Angry Marine to baby sit some fucking alien cattle! In fact he should kill aLL THESE FAGGOTY DAMNED XEN-

Something impacted his helmet hard enough to actually make Fubar stagger for half a second, "That's far enough, whatever you are, either tell me what you're doing here or leave!"

Fubar eyed the dozen or so creatures before him. Small, black, insectoids, with hole filled wings and legs that bore a faint resemblance to the hideous chaos spawn that was pretending to be a governor. No doubt about it, these were the rebels he was here to ~~brutally murder~~ lightly maim. They also appeared to be mutants and possibly chaos infested versions of whatever horrible xeno he was currently... h e l p i n g...

The towering space marine monstrosity made not a sound, he didn't move a muscle, and yet all of the gather creatures took to the air and doubled their distance from him. Fubar himself slowly, deliberately unhooked his jump pack and held it loosely in one hand as an overwhelming ocean of rage filled him to the point that he was no longer even able to speak. He felt the briefest spark of satisfaction at seeing the blatant terror in the eyes of the prey before him, but it was quickly consumed by his fury, righteous hatred, and disgust. His power feet crackled with energy as he dug them into the ground and launched himself at the aliens with a boom like a gunshot, jetpack raised high, his eyes shining with feral emotion, and not a sound escaping his throat.

Remember that little fucker the quiet voice screamed at him, It's a matter of pride and honor to prove that little shit wrong!

A roar tore itself free of his throat as he closed the distance between himself and the xenos traitors in just over a second. He swung his spent jump pack with far less force than originally intended, still sending one of the hideous little bugs bowling into three of its fellows with enough speed to knock all four to the ground in a tangle of limbs. His freehand lashed out with speed and precision enough to make a viper jealous, wrapping around the horn of what appeared to be the leader of the group and using him as a club to smash another to the ground.

Fubar spun himself around swinging both his spent jump pack and improvised cudgel to clear the area immediately around himself of hostiles, before swinging his jump jet in a wide overhead arch to crash it roughly into the ground. The ancient piece of machinery took the impact like a champ and found itself being used to vault the multiton marine nearly five meters into the air, bringing himself face to face with two very surprised aliens fliers. One found itself spiked into the ground violent by another overhead blow from the jump pack, while the other, less fortunate xeno found itself returned to the ground beneath to foot of the angry astartes.

The alien being used as an improvised weapon attempted to free itself from the giant's grip, managing to get a hold on the oversized fist holding him and struggling against it's grip. He found himself freed as he was driven into the ground. The air rushed from his lungs in an instant, and showed a deep reluctance to return, especially when a foot the size of a piece of furniture slammed into him, sending him spinning into another two of his comrades. He had not even fully registered what had happened to him as he felt the metallic grip of the monster wrap around one of his legs to use him to violently beat the two he'd been kicked into.

Fubar turned to face the hand full of hostiles that remained upright, and chuckled as he saw them flinch away from him. The cowards were afraid of something that had taken less than three seconds to dismantle them? Truly the various xenos filth of the galaxy could not hope to stand against humanity. He braced himself to leap at the straggles, only to stagger as a force rivaling one of his own punches slammed into his pauldron. He turned to glare at his new attacker with a snarl and found himself glaring down at the ugly ass governor who was matching his glare with an equally furious one.

"Unhand my brother!" it roared at him, or as much as something with such a nerdy and weak voice could roar. It actually managed to approach respectable.

"Thorax," the limp rebel in Fubar's hand wheezed, "Run."

"ARE THESE NOT THE DAMNED REBELS YOU TWATS NEEDED HELP DEALING WITH?" he demanded.

"Drop my brother and stop attacking my subjects!" Fubar found himself tempted to simply chuck the limp alien in his grip at the governor with all of his might, it would be what he asked for after all. Something inside himself fought against the impulse and prevented him from reducing the two to a grease stain and instead he easily underhanded the governor his brother. A gentle aura caught the falling form, softly lowering it to the colorful abomination. "Pharynx? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just give me a few hours to let the world stop spinning."

The giant bug seemed to sigh in relief before glaring up at Fubar with fresh burning hatred and stepped over the prone form of its brother spreading its wings. Was it trying to look intimidating? That would be adorable if it wasn't a horrific xeno beast the color of puke. "Get out of here! I didn't want your help to begin with, and I won't tolerate your presence now!"

"HA! DID THE SHITTY LITTLE GOVERNOR DECIDED TO GROW A SPIN UNDER ALL THAT REPULSIVE EXOSKELETAL VOMIT? WHAT A FUCKING JOKE."

"Leave!" Faggotfly shouted, its horn lighting up.

Fubar walked casually walked over to the governor, who began to tremble slightly in fear but maintained its position even as its brother tried to drag itself upright. Once more Fubar lowered himself to look the lowly creature right in the eye as he quietly growled, "FINE FAGGOTFLY, BUT KNOW THAT IF I EVER HAVE TO FUCKING HAUL MY ASS DOWN HERE AGAIN FOR ANY DAMNED REASON, YOUR ASS WILL BE IN THE LINE UP FOR A SERIOUS KICKING."

With that he rightened himself and began to casually storm away from the gathering and the distant tower which was supposedly Faggotfly's home. As he walked he spotted Nerdnewt watching from behind a nearby rock. He changed directions to approach the little guy and shouted over to him, "ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND AROUND FINGERING YOUR ASSHOLE OR YOU GOING TO GET THE FUCK OVER HERE NERDNEWT? MISSION'S FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED AND WE CAN GET OUT OF THIS SHITHOLE."

"Are you sure?" The little shit whimpered not coming out from behind his rock, "Thorax seemed pretty mad and he still has that problem with rebels doesn't he? Maybe I should stick around for a bit to make sure everything is okay."

"NO FUCKING REASON NERDNEWT. EVERYTHING'S TAKEN FUCKING CARE OF ALREADY." he allowed himself to feel a bit proud as he began boasting, "AFTER THAT SHIT SHOW THOSE FREAKS ARE GOING TO BE IN FUCKING AWE OF FAGGOTFLY FOR A WHILE AND EATING SHIT STRAIGHT FROM HIS ASSHOLE. NOT ONLY THAT BUT AFTER FINALLY MANAGING TO GROW THE A SET OF EMPERAH DAMNED BALLS, THE LITTLE FUCKER SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE KEEPING HIS HOUSE OF FREAKS IN LINE."

"Wait, did you plan for this to happen?" Nerdnewt asked finally coming out from behind his rock to jog along beside Fubar.

"HELL FUCKING NO I DIDN'T," he admitted with pride, "SHIT FELL INTO MY COCKING LAP AND I DECIDED TO FUCKING RUN WITH IT. ALSO IN YOUR FUCKING FACE NERD! I TOLD YOU I COULD GET THIS MESS SORTED WITH MINIMAL INJURIES." he shoved one of his massive fingers into the little guy's face, "EAT A DICK LOSER!"

Nerdnewt frowned at the finger in his face and then up to the owner, "Still couldn't you have done it in a way that didn't require you to hurt anyone?"

"WHAT WAS THE FIFTH LESSON I TAUGHT YOU FAGGOT?"

Nerdnewt didn't even pretend not to know this time as he sighed, "The fastest and most effective method is often the most violent one."

"DAMN STRAIGHT, NOW LETS GET BACK TO CASTLE PRISSY TREE FORT AND SEE WHAT YOUR OWNER HAS FOR US TO NOT DO NOW."

"Wait are we walking back?"

"OF COURSE WE'RE FUCKING WALKING! I DON'T SEE ANYMORE FUEL AROUND HERE DO YOU?"

"Can I at least sit on your shoulder part of the way?"

"NO!" Fubar roared, turning to shout in his companion's face.

As he did so he caught another glimpse of the structure behind him. From here, it almost kind of looked like a hive city that had been abandoned and started to be reclaimed by nature. He found his mind wandering back to all those centuries, perhaps a millennia ago to when he lived in a hive city. He remembered the invasion, the discovery of his parent's bodies, but not his sister's. He never had found out if she had survived the chaos incursion. Had she been safe in her factory work place? Or had she been one of those countless millions slaughtered as part of some profane ritual? Some little part of him had liked to believe that maybe she was still out there somewhere, that she had survived and accomplished her dream of becoming a Magos. If she had, perhaps she was still out there somewhere. Not that he would ever know if he met her. He couldn't even remember his own name from back then, or her face. Not that either of them would even be recognizable as the nine year old children they had been back then.

A flash green light actually startled Fubar, at least enough to dislodge himself from his unusually nostalgic thoughts. He glared down his left to see the last traces of something being burned to cinders by Nerdnewt, "Just sending my report to Twilight and letting her know that we might be a bit late."

Fubar snorted as he turned away and began walking back towards the big stupid crystal 'castle'. "IF THE CUNT WANTS TO GET PISSY AT ME FOR BEING ME AGAIN TELL HER I DON'T FUCKING CARE AND THAT I'M NOT LISTENING TO HER."

"I'm sure she's gotten the message the last five times you told her that to her face," Nerdnewt said with a smirk, jogging to keep pace, "So seeing as we've got a while, you got any more stories about the wider galaxy you can tell to try and beat into my tiny inferior xeno brain about why the Imperium is our only real choice if we want to survive this hostile as fuck galaxy?"

"I TELL YOU YET ABOUT THE TIME I GOT CALLED BY THE INQUISITION TO DEAL WITH THESE FAGGOTS CALLING THEMSELVES THE KNIGHTS INDUCTOR?"

~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~

"I'm glad to see you are feeling better after your recent surgery," Twilight said with a strained smile from her seat in a wheelchair parked next to Ember's bed. The young dragon lord was looking surprisingly good for having come out of a mauling from Fubar, both her horns had been hacked off by the doctors and everything from the dragoness' waist to her knees was wrapped in thick bandages but otherwise she looked unharmed, aside from absolutely horrible case of pink eye. "I really hope that you don't take the attack to personally."

"Nah, I swung first so frankly I had it coming." Ember smiled waving away Twilight's worries, "In fact, I think this whole incident actually solves the problem I was having."

"I'm glad to hear that," Twilight's smile became rather strained as she struggled to think of anything that could be solved by what had been done to Ember. "How exactly?"

"Well I've been having problems with the dragon's I've been commanding being rather lethargic and unhappy. After getting my butt literally handed to me, I'm starting to understand why." Her smile fled, "Get your butt handed to you by someone shouting at you sucks. I mean it really sucks. I can understand how constantly having someone shout at you what to do and kicking your butt over it might not make someone miserable much better. I'm going to need to think of some new way of ordering folks around."

Twilight sat there for several seconds, her mouth half opened as her eyelids and ears twitched randomly as her brain struggled to come to terms with the fact that Fubar had somehow solved a problem instead of causing six. Smoke began to trickle out of her left ear as the logic error continued to get worse. She was thankfully saved from a complete shut down by the distraction of a scroll materializing in front of her. She snatched at it and quickly opened the scroll, only for her pretty purple coat to become ghostly white as she read its contents. Four terrible words sat before her, four words that likely spelled doom for all of Equestria.

He knows. Control failing.

Author's Note

Well this took way longer to get out than I expected, but about five levels of life dog piling one can have that sort of effect on writing. Still, five hundred views now, and twenty five upvotes. Better than I was really expecting.

Just a little heads up, the next couple chapters will likely be a lot lighter on comedy.

The Pissed Off Panic

Once again the defenders of Equestria gathered around the Cutie map, pointedly ignoring the profanity and vulgar vandalism scribbled on the map. Both Twilight and Starlight looked significantly worse for wear as the other five mares watched as Twilight wheeled herself back an forth. "I've already contacted Celestia and my brother. Luna won't be able to make it due to injuries and many of the guard who experienced the last rampage either are not willing to come or incapable of making the trip. Still Shiny says that he can have two hundred crystal guards here by the end of the day and two thousand more by the end of the week. Celestia says she'll be bringing nearly a thousand guards of her own, but won't be here for another four hours, hopefully he won't have arrived by then." Twilight whirled to gaze desperately at her friends, "Can anypony else here dig up more forces on short notice? Rainbow, can you get the Wonderbolts here ASAP? Fluttershy, maybe Discord?"

"Uh, I guess?" Rainbow Dash said hesitantly, "What exactly is going on here Twi? All we know is that you were rolling through the streets of Ponyvillie shrieking about how you need us all to gather here immediately."

"Isn't it obviously?" Twilight giggled madly, "It's already happening! Everypony's biggest problem is breaking free of Danse's influence and that means that if we don't stop him, everypony's going to die horribly!" She flashed a wide terrified smile across the table, "So Fluttershy, Discord?"

"Sorry Twilight," Fluttershy quietly mumbled, "I've already talked to Discord about Mr. Jac'ass and he told me that he has a non-interference clause with someone big and important that prevents him from simply poofing Mr. Jac'ass away or reducing him to only being a couple inches tall." She perked up slightly saying, "He did promise to save us if things got too terribly lethal," her ears fell, "well the seven of us anyways."

For nearly a solid six second Twilight didn't move, not even blinking or breathing, just smiling with horrible dead eyes in Fluttershy's general direction before finally emitting a cheerful, "Great! Pinkie, any chance that you might be able to talk Fubar out of murdering our planet? He seems to actually like you and Spike somewhat."

Pinkie just giggled happily back at Twilight, "No way José! He's told me to my face that if it came down to it he'd murder me and all I loved, but he did say that he'd at least try to be sure it was mostly painless."

"Wonderful," Twilight cheered, smiling despite the tears building at the corner of her eyes, "Does anypony have any ideas about how to stop an unstopabble monster without letting him kill the planet, preferably without killing him or the poor soul slowly being crushed inside his head?"

"We could take as many ponies as we could and hide them underground," Starlight offered, "Maybe hide down there with the diamond dogs for a few thousand years until he's gone?"

"We are not going to hide the entire population underground and hope that he goes away Starlight," Twilight scowled.

"No really, it seems to work," Starlight insisted, "Sure you start to miss the sun after a few days and quickly lose track of time but,"

"I've already done the math on it and frankly we wouldn't survive, even if we only hid away enough ponies to have a breeding population it just wouldn't work for long enough, a couple centuries at most. And to get it that long we'd have to do horribly immoral things like use the mirror pool to mass produce ponies to eat. And this is assuming that Captain Killcrazy doesn't find us and kill everypony while they're trapped underground!"

Starlight noticibly wilted while both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy looked a bit green at the idea. Pinkie just laughed, "Silly Twilight, Killcrazy is just a Sergent."

"The Elements of Harmony?" Applejack suggested after a moment, "Ah mean, if all of Equestria is doomed, taking the elements again can't possibly make anything worse can it?"

"Great idea Applejack!" Twilight said, all but pouncing on the idea, "Sure there's still the slight chance that doing so will kill the Tree of Harmony which could have completely unknown effects on the world including but not limited to the return of the Windegos, the freeing of all creatures of Tartarus, and a thousand years of darkness. But hey there's only a chance of that happening right?"

"Alright ya made yer point," Applejack huffed.

"What?" Twilight blinked, "No, I'm serious Applejack, that is a great idea, probably our best option seeing as four alicorns and hundreds of guards couldn't stop him when he was being actively restrained. We probably have more than enough time for myself and Starlight to run over to the tree, reclaim the elements, and have everypony else marshal an army while the town's being evacuated! This might just work!" Twilight smiled brightly, hoof held high, and wings spread.

It was at that point that Spike flew through the nearby window with a clatter of breaking glass, slid across the Cutie Map with the sound of someone sliding cinder blocks across a tile floor, and impacted the far wall with a crash. Twilight, resolutely maintained her stance, though her smile became noticeably strained, perhaps praying that if she continued to ignore the incident, then the likely implications of said incident would simply cease to be.

"Spike? Are you all right darling?" Rarity asked trotting over to the dazed dragon and helping him upright with her magic.

"Yeah, for the most part, the brick took the brunt of the impact," Spike said tossing aside the red brick he was holding and brushing bits of glass off his scales, "Was actually kind of fun."

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but why exactly did you just fly through a window holding a brick?"

"Oh right, Fubar wanted me to deliver a message and said it would be much more impactful in person." Spike said with a smile, "He gave me the brick to help get through the window."

Everypony in the room flinched, except for Twilight who still seemed to be doing her damnedest to try and pretend that nothing was currently happening, though the single tear that was currently rolling down her face spoke volumes as to how well she was doing. Fluttershy was the first to gather her courage and ask, "What exactly was his message?"

"And how the hay are you two back already?" Rainbow Dash asked, "I thought that you two were going down to Thorax's hive, which is way out in the Badlands or something."

"Oh we took a train back. Fubar's currently arguing with the station manager about why he doesn't have to pay. As for the message, he just wanted me to tell everypony not to go anywhere because he has some very important questions he wants answers to." Spike paused, "Though he might have included a lot more threats and vulgarities in his message, I summarized to save time."

"And how long do you think it will be before he manages to make his way here?" Starlight asked nervously, eyes rapidly darting around to the various entrances into the room.

Before Spike could answer, a light blue pony in dressed in a conductor uniform flew through another window, skidded across the table and narrowly missed slamming into Rarity as he collided face first with the wall. Everypony noticed that the poor stallion lacked a brick, was bleeding from several cuts full of glass and that someone had written "PAY THIS FAGGOT" across his butt in what looked like permanent marker. "Well judging from that I'd say a couple minutes, maybe less if decides to run here."

Starlight's horn lit up as she began to sweat bullets, only for Twilight to zap the glow away with her own horn. Twilight seized hold of Starlight and shook her violently while glaring into the panicked mare's eyes and snarling, "Oh no you don't, you are staying here this time and helping me solve this!"

"But I want to live!" Starlight wailed, trying to push Twilight away.

"Then help me solve this here and now!" Twilight demanded, "We are two of the best magic users in Equestria and have been thinking on this problem for over a week! We should be able to think of something that might work!"

Rainbow and Applejack, meanwhile had wandered over to the broken windows to look down on the streets below. "Hot dang," Applejack whistled, "I fergot how fast that boy is."

"I know right, something that big shouldn't be able to move like that!" Rainbow complained.

"Is it just me or is he looking a mite more ornery than usual?"

"Yeah... Hey Twilight I think I'm going to go try and get the Wonderbolts real quick."

Twilight simply cast a glare at the two mares, her horn lighting up as she held Rainbow Dash back from fleeing. Starlight had proceeded to sobbing uncontrolably while bemoaning all the things she hadn't done yet. "I don' wanna die a virgin!"

Twilight slapped Starlight across the face, drawing a shocked gasp from everypony, and dragon, present with the notable exception of the unconscious train conductor. "Focus dang it!" she shouted, "We need ideas! Now!"

"Uh, uh, Siege's Unbreachable Door?" Starlight suggested.

Twilight nodded as the two mares turned to the entrance and cast the spell, causing the usually open and inviting doors of the council of friendship to slam shut with resounding finality and encasing them in a brilliant glow. "Well that should hopefully buy us the time needed for Celestia and Shining to arrive."

There was a resounding THOOM as something slammed against the door hard enough to make the magic surrounding it ripple alarmingly. "OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR YOU DAMNED COWARDS! I'VE GOT SOME DAMNEDABLY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS FOR YOU COCKSUCKING HORSE WHORES!" The pounding on the door resumed with alarming ferocity.

Twilight took a quick look around the room. Fluttershy was currently somewhere between trying to hide behind the conductor and attempting to gently wake him up. Applejack, had tied her lasso around one of the thrones and was looking out the window as if considering going out it, Rainbow Dash and Rarity showed a worrying interest in joining her. Starlight had already formed a modest sized puddle of sweat, and other fluids, around herself as she looked at the door in absolute terror. Spike was looking around worriedly, seeming to realize that nopony seemed ready for this. Pinkie had walked up to the door and happily asked, "Who's there?" which seemed to only cause the raging demon outside to attack with greater ferocity and more hair raising profanity.

"Everypony calm down!" Twilight shouted loud enough to be heard over the thunderous attack, "Rainbow, go get the Wonderbolts, and if you see the crystal train, let my brother know to hurry! Spike, send a letter to Celestia asking her to do the same! Fluttershy, get that pony out of here! Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie barricade that door!" Twilight wheeled herself over next to Starlight and hissed, "Starlight, if you have any ideas I need to know them now!"

"I don't!" Starlight cried, tears and snot starting to run down her face, "I've been mulling this over constantly and nothing I've come up with has any guarnatee of working or not making things substantially worse!"

"Well then at least give me your best ideas, it's better than-" Twilight was interupted by a horrible crunch that caused her heart to drop into her guts. Whirling about Twilight was horrified to see a fist the size of an adolescent yak wreathing in crackling white energy sticking out of a massive hole in the wall. The fist withdrew and an even more massive boot wreathed in the same energy forced its way through the wall of the castle. Twilight tore her gaze away from the rapid deconstruction of her wall, "Starlight, idea's now!"

"Well I was thinking that maybe he wouldn't hurt us if he was turned into a fellow pony, but it might not work or only make him a hundred times angrier." Starlight offered weakly, her eyes still locked on the spot where Fubar was tearing through the wall with horrific efficiency and skill.

"What about saving Danse? Anything for that?"

"Maybe Crazy Talk's External Debate?" Starlight offered over an ominous crumbling sound, "but that might simply give us two giant unstoppable rage monsters to deal with."

Finally the living monolith of bloody murder and destruction finished working its way through the wall with a shoulder tackle that left his yellow armor clad in crystal dust. "ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE COCKSLEEVES, WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOU LOCKING THE DAMNED DOOR ON ME? WHATEVER THE EMPERAH FORSAKEN REASON YOU LITTLE SHITS BETTER HAVE SUM DAMN GOOD ANSWERS TO MY FUCKING QUESTIONS OR SO HELP ME I-" he jerked violent as his gaze locked onto Starlight's terrified form and, somehow, the angry glare that had been crafted onto his helmet seemed to become angrier, "YOU."

A massive beam of magic flew from Twilight's horn and slammed into the giant astarte, causing him to rock back a step before raising his equally massive fist weapon to block the beam and slowly forcing his way closer to the two mares. Applejack threw a lasso around the monster's neck and dug in her hooves, she was dragged along without slowing his advance. Rarity tried to wrap him in her magic to drag him away but her efforts seemed just as ineffective. Pinkie Pie leapt onto his back and tugged, but if he even noticed the pink mare's presence he did not show it. He simply continued to march forward against the constant stream of magic that was splashing against him like a firehose, his burning gaze resolutely set on the two magical creatures before him.

"Starlight! Help us!" Twilight cried. Starlight jerked as if slapped again and lowered her own horn, adding her own magic to Twilight's. This finally seemed to overwhelm the warrior's resistance as magic completely consumed his form making him nothing more than a dark silhouette in a brilliant river of light. Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie were flung around the room as Fubar began to violently thrash, roaring like all the rage in the universe was being channeled through his form and was attempting to free itself as pure sound.

Soon a second scream began to fill the room, this one a cry of agony, much higher than the astarte's mountainous rumble. Even as the Princess of friendship and her faithful student continued their spells, they couldn't help but feel a bit of deep horror settle deep in their guts as the shadowy figure of the angry marine began to shift and twist in a disturbing manner. Digits began to vanish and reappear almost at random, sometimes entire limbs would seem to burst free of the figure or vanish into the tangled mess of twisting flesh and metal. He fell to his knees inside the spell, still screaming with two voices echoing two emotions as a second head emerged from the mass, something hardly recognizable as a wing appeared and a third arm tore itself free from the wing. A thick clubbed tail burst free from the mess of limbs, seemingly to blindly lash out and smash repeatedly into one of the two heads of the twisted abomination that had been Fubar Jac'ass.

Just as the horrified audience watching the transformation began to seriously consider ending the spells, there was a massive explosion of magic from the abomination that blinded all within the room and caused the crystal dust to fill the room in a choking cloud. Twilight and Starlight drew back, coughing and disoriented, trying to see what they had actually ended up doing to the terrifying monster that had sought to end their lives. They desperately hoped that what they had witnessed was not the final result of their attempts to incapacitate the terrifying and troublesome thing they somewhat tenaciously considered an erstwhile frienemy.

Then a massive metal fist shot out of the cloud of dust and wrapped around Twilight, crushing her wheel chair and causing the mare no shortage of pain as it lifted her into the air. "WHAT THE EMPERAH LOVING FUCK HAVE YOU DAMNED CUNTS DONE TO ME!?"

Twilight managed to catch the outline of Fubar in the dust now, his armor seemed to have reshaped itself to be an equine form expanded to fill the man turned stallion's usual titanic proportions, aside from his left arm and right hind-leg which appeared to have both maintained their original shape. He was sprawled out on the floor, seemly unable to right himself, his entire body spasming and twitching as he shook Twilight. She finally noticed a desperate edge that had slipped into his deep furious voice. "WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'VE DONE YOU WILL UNDO IT NOW OR I SWEAR TO THE EMPEROR THAT I WILL MURDER EVERYTHING ON THIS FORSAKEN PLANET AND MAKE YOU FUCKING WATCH AS I DO SO!"

"You will do no such thing!" A familiar voice full of authority declared. Twilight felt herself teleported and was grateful to be freed of the former astarte's crushing grasp. She smiled up at the towering Sun princess glaring down at Fubar. Celestia might still have a black eye, her horn might still be heavily bandaged, and she might still be favoring her right foreleg heavily. But at the moment she seemed an unstoppable divine juggernaut comparable to the twisted stallion across the room from her.

"GIVE HER BACK YOU WHORE!" Fubar roared, digging into the floor with his remaining hand, "SHE STILL NEEDS TO FIX THIS SHIT!" He flung himself across the room with a horrible roar using his arm to propel himself, reaching out for either Celestia or Twilight, it was difficult to be sure. Celestia reacted by launching another beam of magic at the titan, the thick orange beam radiating fire as it drove the giant backwards. Countless blue beams began to dance out from behind the princess and slam into the downed ex-astarte as a thick crowd of white stallions in golden armor advanced to stand along side the princess. Even under the concentrated fire Fubar managed to half rise up under the barrage, blindly reaching out and grabbing one of the thrones which he hurled across the room. The crystal seat was blown to pieces under a hail of fire from the royal guard and Celestia, yet it seemed to give the monster the half second he needed.

Twisting with inequine speed, he placed his still humanoid leg against the wall and kicked off, with the force of a cannonball. Celestia's eyes widened as she reflexively fired into his face, but the beam of power was not enough to drive him back again, simply slow the multi-ton monster. His hand wrapped around Celestia's throat and with a roar he drove the sun goddess to the ground, balancing awkwardly on his hind legs and the fist still clutching Celestia's throat, he raised his new forehoof high, ready to try and shatter the princess' skull with it as the desperate spells of the guard impacted his armor with little effect.

In a desperate moment of panic, Celestia fired another spell into the giant's face, as did Twilight, and from across the room, Starlight. In an almost unbelieveable fluke of absolute luck, all three spells impacted the stallion's head at the exact same time and had been the exact same spell. The three powerful simultaneous spells managed to overpower the former angel of the Emperor's resistance and stick.

For a moment Fubar didn't move, simply wobbled in place as the guard's spells pinged harmlessly off him. Then he shifted ever so slightly to the right and toppled over, completely limp. Spells stopped firing as everypony in to room looked at the massive form of the not quiet pony. Celestia slowly and carefully unwrapped the fingers from around her neck and shifted away from him before rising to her hooves as everypony drew around to look down at the massive sleeping form of Fubar Jac'ass. Everything was silent for nearly a full minute, almost as if everypony gathered couldn't believe that they had actually overcome this living disaster, or terrified that the slightest noise could wake him.

Finally Spike managed to voice a question over the deafening silence, "Hey, has anypony seen Pinkie?"

Author's Note

Starting to wonder if I might need to remove the comedy tag, especially if the next few chapters are half as dramatic as I think they will be.

A Mildly Melancholic Meeting

The ponies of ponyville had always been a little wary of the unknown, ever since the town had been built adjacent to one of the most dangerous places in Equestria. This quasi-xenophobia had only increased with the arrival of a certain yellow clad individual who had in the past week caused nearly a year's worth of property damage and injuries upon the populous. As such, the ponies in sugar cube corner all cast a suspicious and distrustful look at the diamond dog clad in yellow armor that had more than a passing resemblance to their latest bout of troubles. This diamond dog, thankfully did not instantly begin yelling, cursing, and hurling various objects/ponies around, instead simply walked quietly over to one of the booths where he began to peel off the plastic armor piece by piece and toss them aside with a snort of disgust until he only wore a pair of black sweat pants and shirt.

As the dusty grey canine sank back into his booth and sighed quietly, most of the patrons began to return to their meals, they did however keep a mistrustful eye the stranger. For his part, the rather plain diamond dog seemed to simply be looking off into space with hollow dead eyes as it slouched deep into its seat. It seemed more than willing to ignore the ponies around it, so most of the ponies were willing to leave the stranger unmolested.

"Hi there? Can I take your order?" a cheery voice asked.

The dog's gaze slowly focused and drifted down to look at the bubbly pink pony bouncing before him, her eyes as full of life and excitement as his appeared to be dead and empty. A sad weary smile drifted across his features as he simply stated, "Sorry Pinkie, but I'm afraid I don't have any money to pay for anything with."

"That's alright, I'm willing to cover the cost just this once, you look like you've been having a hard time. I know that while Jackie might be a nice guy deep down inside, he can be a real hassle for some ponies to deal with for extended periods. And you've been dealing with him non-stop for who knows how long!" Pinkie's smile widened happily, "So what can I get you Dancey?"

The smile fell away from the diamond dog's face as his entire body seemed to sag to such an extent he seemed to almost melt. "That's not my name."

"Oh don't be like that Danse, you were there when I told Jackie this, I think Twilight's whole explanation for you two kind of went over my head so I've just been viewing you two as two friends for the price of one, I've got nicknames for all of my friends. Sure I might just technically be meeting you for the first time, but I'm still more than willing call you my friend. Still, if you don't like Dancey I could give you a different nickname like Mac, Danny,-"

"Danse Macabre isn't my real name." The diamond dog snarled.

"It isn't? Odd I could have sworn that Twilight told me that's what your name was."

"It is what I told her." The diamond dog who was not named Danse Macabre somehow sagged even deeper into his seat, "I thought that if she thought it was a pony trapped inside Fubar's head that she might try harder to get them out, so I made up a pony sounding name." He chuckled ruefully, "But now I can't even remember what my real name was."

"How can you not remember?" Pinkie asked, seeming to deflate a bit as she walked around the table and sat down next to the distraught dog.

"Because of being trapped in his head for so fffreaking long." He growled, his big meaty paws curling into tight fist, his teeth bared, and eyes squeezed shut as if he was in a world of pain. "Everytime I questioned him, anytime we disagreed on something, or he simply got too mad I would get shoved down into the darkest corners of his mind. Every Time, I'd lose bits and pieces of myself, and I didn't even notice until days had passed and I realized I couldn't remember... remember..." he began to laugh so joylessly that Pinkie was certain the diamond dog next to her was about to cry, "I can't even remember what I forgot now, I remember it was important to me and the realization I'd forgotten it shocked me to my core and now I can't even remember that." he threw his head back and loudly laughed a desperate broken laugh that made everypony in the store distinctly uncomfortable.

Pinkie however leaned in and gave him a weak hug as he continued to laugh. And he did continue to laugh. He laughed until tears ran down his face, stained his fur, and he was wheezing for breath. He finally seemed to notice the pony hugging him and slowly quieted down. Pinkie took her opportunity to fill the depressing silence now filling the usually cheery restaurant. "I'm not going to say it will be okay or that you shouldn't feel sad about this. Heck, just the idea of not being able to remember my name or family makes me want to cry. But I will say that things can only get better for you now. I'm sure Twilight has all sort of things that will be able to fix your memory problems, you can now actually talk to us and can finally have your own welcome to Ponyville party, and I'm sure that given time you and Jackie will be the best of friends!"

"I hope to never see that c- jerk again." Danse growled a bit of emotion flashing in his empty eyes, a few embers of the fierce violent rage that constantly filled the eyes of an Angry Marine. "I have spent too much time around him, and will never forgive him for the damage he has done to me."

"But you have to forgive him eventually," Pinkie insisted, "It's not like he meant to make you forget things about yourself."

"Would you forgive someone who nearly unmade you Pinkie?" The diamond dog glared down at the smaller mare, "Even if they didn't mean to?"

"Yes," she replied instantly with a smile.

The fire in his eyes seemed to go out as Danse sank down to mope on the table, "Then you are a better person than I am. I honestly don't think I'm even capable of considering forgiving him."

"Aw, you're just saying that because you've still got a bit of Jackie's case of the grumpies in you." Pinkie giggled patting his shoulder. "I'm sure that once you've had a minute and a couple of nice tasty snacks in you you'll be bright, chipper, and ready to come to your party tonight." Pinkie stuffed a folded invitation into his paws along with a small bag of bits. "Go ahead and order yourself something nice, I'm going to go try and calm down Jackie, would you like to talk more afterwards?"

Danse opened the invitation, blinking as a bit of confetti sprayed in his face. He gave a sad smile, "I'd really like that Pinkie."

Pinkie smiled happily, "Great see you later Dancey!" She bounced her way out of the store smiling happily.

Danse, however, continued to look sadly at his invitation before slowly closing it and sliding it away as he picked up the bag of bits. "I'd like that Pinkie, but it seems I'm not that brave or good of a person." He rose from the booth with the bag, glancing back at the pile of discarded plastic armour. He did a double take and reached into the pile. His dead eyes came to life as they narrowed, becoming the eyes of a predator focusing in on prey. Taking the single piece of metal from the pile of plastic refuse, examining it with intense focus. He tucked it under his arm as he walked out of Sugarcube Corner.

Author's Note

A bit shorter than the usual chapters I put out, I decided to cut this bit off a larger chapter because I wanted to give Danse the room to start existing separate from Fubar, that and the tone of this chapter is radically different than the next part. Hopefully it doesn't chase off the 150ish people who still read this, love you guys.

Malicious Melee Maiming

As much as Shining Armor was loathe to admit it, he did feel fear. As the former captain of the guards for Equestria and Prince regent of the Crystal Empire, a stallion who had faced down the changelings, Sombra, Tirek, Discord and more. He was suppose to be fearless. But he did feel fear, he still had a deep fear that Chrysalis might do something to his family, especially young Flurry Heart, he feared he'd die in the line of duty before getting to see his daughter grow up, and he honestly was more than a little scared of visiting the dentist. However, his first encounter with raging titan known as Fubar Jac'ass the Angry Marine had left him, his wife, and many others with a deep and terrible fear of that monster who had so effortlessly overpowered them all.

When he'd received word that his newest fear had broken free of what limited control his sister had established over it , he had to fight down a powerful desire to abandon her and flee to another country. He had managed to overpower the shameful impulse, but he decided against telling his wife anything, he couldn't bare to tell her that her nightmares had come true, especially not while she was still recovering from her own horrific physical and emotional injuries. When he had then receive word that that abomination had arrived before him, it had left him nearly frozen with dread at what he'd find at his sister's castle. To then discover her alive and mostly well had nearly brought him to tears as he embraced her.

Now though, he was walking down to the roots of Twilight's new castle, where the unconscious terror was being held, to reinforce the measures being used to bind him. Twilight and Celestia still had hope that perhaps the rampaging Ragnarok could somehow be persuaded from its goals or at the very least be contained. Shining was firmly of the opinion that a monster like that needed to be put down, but sadly even his position as a prince was not enough to overrule the two.

He finally reached the door flanked by twenty armed guards who saluted him and held the door open for him. Shining Armor took a deep breath, wincing as it agitated his half healed face, before marching forward into the dark room to confront his most visceral and primal fears.

He immediately looked about the dimly lit underground chamber, the only light being from a few thick crystal roots hanging from the ceiling. His eyes quickly locked onto his quarry dangling from where it was suspended by eight three inch thick glowing rune inscribed chains. "Still asleep, thank Celestia," He muttered letting out his held breath and shuddered. He had honestly hoped upon hearing that this living disaster had been turned into a pony that it might be less terrifying, alien, and monstrous to behold. If anything it was even worse now that it had been half crammed into a familiar shape as the sheer power and alienness of the creature shined through far more clearly.

Twilight and the solar guard had managed to strip most of the heavy yellow armor off of the monster, but appeared to have been unable to figure out the black skin suit that seemed to be bolted onto the monster beneath the armor. This revealed far more details about the nature of the abomination turned pony that was suspended from the ceiling, something Shining was less than pleased with as the thing was horrid to look upon. Even unconscious it seemed to remain furiously angry, its face twisted into a furious grimace, continuing to angrily mutter at its no doubt twisted dreams. Three red glass eyes embedded into the left side of its face glowing dimly against the dull grey metal that seemed crudely bolted to its face, they left him with the uncomfortable feeling of being watched as he continued his work. What was visible of its coat was a network of scars that shown a ghostly white against a pink coat the seemed a cruel imitation of Cadence's or Twilight's pink friend, apparently despite its armor, this creature had taken more damage than most armies. When mixed with the thing's torn ears, receding red mane, and the aura of danger radiating from the monster it briefly reminded Shining of some of the older veterans he'd met. Torn to pieces, aging, and a shadow of what they once were, but still proud and unbowed.

He shook the thought away as he continued to weave a dense and powerful barrier around the hanging creature. He mustn't think of this beast as a pony, no matter how much it looked like an oversized pegasus, to do so might make him hesitate and it would doubtlessly take that chance to kill him. No he must focus on all the ways that the thing was clearly not a pony. Things like the fact that its left foreleg and right hind leg still bore their old alien shape, possibly due to the fact that they seemed as mechanical and artificial as the red eyes jutting from the left side of its face. The way that its flesh and coat seemed stretched to the breaking point against the monster's mass of muscles despite being the size of Celestia if she'd spent every day of her life doing steroids. Its two massively oversized pink wings, which actually made him briefly think of Flurry and her own big silly wings.

NO! Shining shook his head violently. He would NOT compare this demon to his sweet little filly! This thing was a pure heartless monster that desired only to kill everything around it and would enjoy every second of it! To believe otherwise was the height of folly! He glared up at the hanging horror and snarled, "Not so tough now are you monster?"

The moment those words left his lips the suspended savage snapped awake its piercing green eye immediately locking onto Shining Armor as its red eyes began to glow brightly casting everything in the room an ominous red. It's grimace quickly morphed into a vicious snarl as a near suffocating aura of malice and fury filled the room to the brim. "DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING YOU PILE OF STALE SPUNK?"

Shining held the gaze as he finished his spell, erecting a thick magenta pillar of protection that held all the strength of his shield over Canterlot condensed into a thousandth of the space. The red glow of the monsters eyes was replaced by the shield's own calming color making the room far less ominous and reducing the aura of malice to an almost tolerable level. "I said not so tough now are you monster." Shining allowed himself a smile as he fought to keep his knees from trembling and his instincts insisted he was still in incalculable danger.

"GOT A BALL ON YOU SOMEWHERE SHITSTAIN, EH?" the beast roared, the barrier seeming to do little to quiet its noise, "GOING TO BE A DAMN SHAME TO RIP OFF AND CRUSH THE ONLY FUCKING NUT ON THIS PLANET THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO ME." The chains rattled causing the giant to swing slightly within his magical cage. It blinked seeming to only now take notice of the chains holding it, "THA FUCK? DID I GET SENT TO ANOTHER FUCKING FUNGEON?" Then it seemed to notice its own snout and pink coat. Shining armor swore he felt the room grow colder as the monster's face somehow became far angrier than anything Shining had ever witnessed. Its eyes, real and mechanical seemed to be trying to bulge out of its face, thick veins began to press against its skin as its entire face turned a deep purple and the tips of its mane began to smoke. "WHAT THE EMPERAH LOVING SHITFUCK DID YOU ASS RAPING CUNTS DO WITH MY FUCKING ARMOR!? WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE LOST FUCKING PRIMARCHS DID YOU ASSHOLES DO TO ME!?!

"Me? I didn't do anything but help make your new cage a bit stronger," Shining shrugged as he began to carve runes around the barrier to make it independent of his magic. "Now a couple of very nice mares I know turned you into a pony because they thought it might help you adopt a better attitude. Though I'm much more of the opinion that giving you some time down here to yourself will do far more to help with that temper of yours. Either way I'm sure that examining your armor will help save a lot of lives, so we can thank you for that anyways."

"FAT CHANCE OF THAT SHITNUGGET!" the monstrous pink stallion struggled against the chains holding him, "NOT ONLY ARE YOU TOO FUCKING RETARDED TO EVER BEGIN TO COMPREHEND THE EMPERAH'S DIVINE DESIGNS, THE SECOND I BREAK OUT OF YOUR LITTLE FUCKHOLE I'M GOING TO TAKE MY SHIT BACK AND FORCE YOU GRANNY RAPPERS TO TURN ME BACK INTO A DAMN ASTARTES INSTEAD OF THE GAYEST OF GAY ASS XENOS!"

"If you are the best your 'emperah' could manage then it shouldn't take us more than a couple of days to unravel everything about you," Shining smile up at the furious fiend, "I hope you enjoy your stay." Shining adding a new sound proof barrier before happily returning to his work. He actually managed a nervous chuckle, rather impressed with how he had handled himself. As he heard the muted cursing of the prisoner above him he began to think that perhaps he'd been wrong to be so scared of this stallion, sure he was terrifyingly powerful, but just like everything else he could be beaten and contained.

Then he began hear something over the muffling of his barriers. "ALWAYS ANGRY!" THOOM "ALWAYS ANGRY!" THOOM "ALWAYS ANGRY!"

Shining's head snapped up to witness the captured Goliath swinging violently around in its cage smashing its mechanical fist against the barrier. Shining began to sweat, telling himself that there was no possible way that the monster could possibly tear itself free. Even if it could somehow rip itself free from the chains that had been magically reinforced and magically enchanted to suppress any natural magic this abomination had gained from its transformation, it would still have to beat through a barrier that had taken an entire invasion force of changelings to break. Still he found himself completely frozen in mute horror, recalling that same mechanical hand wrapping around his throat and shoving him where the sun don't shine.

For nearly a full minute the marine's roaring and violent strikes seemed worthless, until in a fit of rage the mechanical hand grasped the chain binding it and yanked, "FUCK YOUR SHITTY CHAINS! THEY WERE FORGED BY BURNING SHIT AND COOLED IN PISS BY A RETARDED FART SNIFFING WHORE WHO HAD FEWER BRAIN CELLS THAN SHE HAD FINGERS!" With two more yanks the anchor point in the ceiling began to crack, another three and it gave way, tumbling fifteen feet to bounce off the angry marine's head. This seemed to daze him for half a second, but then he looked down at Shining Armor's frozen and horrified form, flashing a wide predatory smile.

Shining Armor finally broke from his stupor to sprint to the door and rip it open. He shouted out to the startled guards, "Quickly, gather reinforcements! Alert Celestia and the Elements! He's breaking free!"

He rocked at the sensation of his horn being struck and turned back to the caged beast, it had resumed its pounding on the barrier, but had now wrapped the magic suppressing chain around its arm, making its striking far more effective. Shining staggered again as again the beast kicked off against the far side of the barrier to drive its fist repeatedly into the barrier. "ALWAYS ANGRY! ALWAYS ANGRY! ALWAYS ANGRY!"

Massive cracks began to rapidly form under the assault. Shining pointed at half of the frozen guards, who had become as rooted as their commander by the seeming impossibility of what this monster, no walking catastrophe was managing, "You twelve, with me, try and slow him down! The rest of you get moving now!"

"Yes sir!" they all shouted, snapping free of their paralyzing terror. Two unicorns, six pegasi, and four earth ponies all rushed in with the Captain to try and stop certain doom.

Shining pointed his horn at the barrier, preparing to try and repair the damage. Then the next blow came. It drove him to his belly with a pained gasp, spots dancing before his eyes as his ears picked up the soft shattering of the barrier and a world ending roar that seemed to contain all the fury of a malevolent god who was having a particularly unpleasant day.

"ALWAYS ANGRY! ALL THE TIME!"

Shining could feel the moral of the ponies around him shatter under the deafening assault. He struggled through his own pain and terror, blindly firing a spell to repair his barrier hoping to try and contain this living incarnation of death. He was rewarded with a cry of, "OH, YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

"Men!" He struggled slowly back up to his hooves trying to blink away the dancing lights inside his eyes, "Keep him in the barrier, we just have to hold him until the princesses arrive!"

"TRY IT FUCKERS!" It laughed, it actually laughed at their efforts!

Shining glared up at their foe seeing that he'd managed to trap the monster in the middle of the barrier. Apparently when he had repaired it the beast was halfway out and the repaired barrier had snapped close around it's waist and left foreleg. Time would tell if this was a good thing or not as this had given the monster an anchored position to begin and attempt to pull more of its chains free. Something its right hind leg managed but a second later.

The pegasi leveled their spears and soared up to stab at the brutish fiend while the unicorns began to charge spells to aid them and the earth ponies gathered around Shining Armor while he struggled to regain enough focus to make his shield drag the half escaped prisoner back inside. The pretty pink predator responded with a speed and ferocity that put all of its previous displays to shame.

The chain wrapped around its fist was unraveled and in the time it took one to blink it lashed out twice in long vorpal arcs. The first swing caught a pegasus in the side of the head, completely caving not just her helmet, but the skull beneath it, sending her corpse spiraling into one of its fellows knocking the second pegasus to the ground. The second arc completely tore off the front of another pegasus' face leaving him screaming without a jaw as his spear was knocked into the wing of his partner knocking the both of them out of the air with ease. One of the remaining pegasi froze in fear while its fellow continued on course attempting to drive its spear into the monster's face, only for the monster to effortlessly dodge and bite down on the haft of the spear with enough force to halt both weapon and wielder. His mechanical hand snapped out and almost before anyone could even notice that the attacking pegasus' head was completely enveloped by the hand, said head was instantly crushed into such a fine paste that its now headless corpse fell away from the closed fist. Before the body was even halfway to the ground, the monster spat its captured spear into its hand and hurled it at the remaining airborne pegasus with the force of a ballista, running the stationary target through in an instant.

In less than a two seconds six pegasi had been disabled or killed, again Shining could feel the moral of those around him shattering, even as the unicorns began to fire off beams of magic. The magic seemed to do little but annoy the captured beast, it easily dodging the magical attacks or swatting them away with its chains. Perhaps panic had made their attacks easy to read, or perhaps the demon they were shooting at was just that quick, Shining couldn't be sure as he began to focus on making the barrier drag the monster back inside.

"FUCK THAT BULLSHIT." the angry god above snarled, smashing its fist into the barrier near it's trapped foreleg. After three swift strikes the barrier again cracked and shattered, freeing the pinned limb.

With both forelimbs free, the enraged beast before them tore at the chains still holding it, tearing the chains around its neck, foreleg, and wings free leaving only two chains to hold it back. Pressing its freed limps against a the barrier and pushing, Shining, and his six remaining guards could do little but watch as the monster began to forcibly drag itself free of the barrier, eventually escaping it completely with an audible *pop* and dangling half way down to the ground by the two chains that remained anchored to the ceiling above.

"Stop him!" Shining Armor cried in absolute terror of the dangling pink pony. The unicorns redoubled their casting, though they seemed to be being completely ignored by the dangling demon as it braced itself completely against the barrier that was still trying in vain to pull him back inside. With an almighty yank first one chain snapped free, then the other finally gave up its resistance allowing the former prisoner to slam into the ground with a thud that seemed to shake the entire room.

At first, Shining thought that he'd been struck deaf by the sound, as he heard nothing, not even a single breath. Then after a momentary eternity, he heard a low cruel chuckle, followed by the loud clanking of heavy chains rattling as a towering mountain of pony flesh and enchanted metal rose from the ground and towered over the few remaining Equestrian guards before it. Once again the red glow of its eyes seemed to dominate the room, shining as malevolent beacons foretelling doom for all bathed in their light. Despite the behemoth's shaky stance, almost as though it wasn't entirely certain on how to stand, its toothy cruel smile held only the horrific confidence of a hydra about to devour pinned prey.

"ALL YOU LIL' CUNTS ARE FUCKING FUCKED! FUUUU~" it lunged clumsily at the nearest unicorn, an attack that should have been easily dodge made impossible by the speed of the attack. A metal hand closed around the body of the guard and squeezed, causing blood and guts to spill from the now dead guard's rapidly ruptured flesh. A wild buck sent the other unicorn flying into the barrier with a clang, the guard's limp form being slowly dragged inside.

Shining dismissed his barrier as the monster turned to face him and the four remaining guards, again it lunged, this time smashing into a new barrier as Shining interrupted its trajectory. The four guards around him charged the stunned astartes with their spears, hoping to take advantage of their Captain's work. All four of them quickly learned what many in the galaxy already knew, being in close combat with an Astartes is the height of misfortune, doubly so if it is an Angry Marine.

The first guard died as a massive pink forehoof came down on his head, forcing his head into the ground where the hoof effortlessly pulped the guard's skull and everything it contain. The next died as a set of powerful jaws clamped down on her throat and with a swift jerk broke her neck. The third guard was bowled off his hooves by a shoulder tackle, knocking both him and his weapon away, unfortunately for him, his spear was grabbed out of the air and used to stake him to the ground well before he had ever landed. The forth was pinned by the giant deliberately falling on him, he, among all the guards managed to score the first injury against their foe. His spear left a shallow gash in the problematic pink pegasus before his head got twisted off with a wet squelch. "~UUCK YOU!"

Shining Armor took a frightened step back, horrible flashbacks to a week ago in the Canterlot throne room as the juggernaut that had killed a dozen ponies in under a minute shakily climbed back to its hooves. A satisfied snort escaped the beast as it looked at the blood that now stained both its mechanical limbs and coat. Then the piercing green eye fell on Shining Armor and a low angry rumble that should have come from an ancient dragon or monstrous machine escaped the phony pony.

Shining Armor's mind finally gave into the cries of his instincts and he turned to flee, just as the sound of a rattling chain filled the air. An unimaginable amount of pain filled his horn, or more accurately the place where his horn had been, and Shining collapsed in screaming pain. Even blinded by pain he continued to try and crawl away, he could feel the giant's clumsy approach and knew what would happen to him if caught. He didn't want to be caught! Not again! He needed to live!

Then something wet, sticky, and metal wrapped around his hind leg and lifted him effortlessly into the air. "WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING DOUCHEFACE? I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOUR ASS YET."

Author's Note

For obvious reasons I'm removing the comedy tag.

~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~

Angry Marine Fun Fact: Just like most Astartes chapters, Angry Marines get around the galaxy by use of their battle barges, massive heavily armed space craft designed to approach planets and rain drop pods full of astartes down on a planet. However, Angry Marine battle barges have a slightly different take on the concept. While they can still deploy by drop pod and do so on occasion, the Angry Marine battle barges are designed to land on the planet, violently.

When sighting a particularly dense or dangerous enemy on the planet an Angry Marine battle barge will deploy an array of massive armored plates to the front of their ship, usually in a configuration of a middle finger or fist, before rocketing down towards the planet at max speed. Obviously the impact of a six to seven kilometer ship slamming into an enemy force is exceptional, but this also has the added advantage of depositing the Angry Marines on board directly on the enemy formation and giving them the fire support of an entire ship with mountain leveling weapons.

The only downside of this tactic, aside from the very angry mechanics who have to fix the ship later and the massive damage to the planetary surface, is that it prevents the Angry Marines from fleeing if the fight turns against them or redeploying quickly. However the Angry Marines believe this is an acceptable trade off to get them to the fight quickly and deliver a whole hell of a lot of FUCK YOU straight to the enemy's face.

Aggressive Armory Arguements

When Twilight heard that Fubar had broken free again she'd been scared. When she had heard that her brother was staying behind to try and slow him down, she nearly teleported down there that instant. She was prevented from this act only by Celestia quickly snuffing the spell. Instead she found herself forced to slowly guide hundreds of guards down the narrow stairway to the basement. They had managed to mobilize quickly, mere minutes really, but even as she painfully hobbled down the stairs on her two mostly broken legs the logical part of her mind stated plainly that she'd be too late, that her brother would be dead long before they could arrive. Her heart desperately tried to convince her that her brother would be fine, he'd doubtlessly be able to slow Fubar down with his barriers, especially since he'd already fought the man before and the Astarte was hardly in peak condition.

When they finally arrived at the basement the logical part of her mind muttered a grim, I told you so.

There was no barrier in the room, the chains she had hung the Astarte had been ripped from their mountings and there were dead bodies, lots of them, torn brutally to pieces scattered about the room. Her breath caught, eyes dancing about the scattered bodies, trying to find one particular body. A single white, blue maned stallion among guards still white and blue maned by their twisted and ruined armor. Which one was he, was that meaty chunk there him? Or that blood splatter? Would, would Fubar have eaten him?

"Princesses?" a terrified desperate voice called out from the room. Twilight's eyes immediately locked onto a wide eyed mare hiding beneath the body of a pegasus stallion with a collapsed head, "Oh thank Harmony you're here! A couple of us are still alive, I think. Swift was still breathing after her fall, and Steadfast only got backhanded, they haven't been moving much but I think they're still alive! I can't be the only survivor right?"

"Where is my brother!?" Twilight demanded closing the distance between the herself and the mare in an instant. She grunted as her damaged legs made an unnatural grinding sound but remained focused on the trembling mare. She grabbed the mare in her magic and lifted her up to her face, "What has he done with my brother!?"

"Twilight," Celestia started, limping into the room as a couple of medics rushed in to check the more intact bodies for any sign of life.

"SHUT UP!" Twilight tossed a smoldering glare back at Celestia her eyes seeming to shine with a furious madness that froze the elder princess midstep. Twilight turned back to her captured guard, "WHERE IS HE!?"

The guardsmare made a few pitiful gasping noises as she looked into Twilight's eyes. The mare's own eyes seemed to be glazing over and drifting out of focus, tears beginning to freely run down her face. The tiny gasping morphing into tiny sobs as the mare went completely limp.

"NO!" Twilight roared shaking the mare, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BROTHER!"

"It took him!" the mare wailed, her eyes screwing shut as she twisted in the princess' grip, her hooves pushing against Twilight in a futile effort to escape.

"WHERE!?"

"To it's equipment!" The pegasus mare wept beginning to flap her wings with such desperation that feathers began to rapidly dislodge themselves. Her struggles growing more desperate as snot joined her tears and foam began to pour from her mouth, "Let me go! I want to live!"

Twilight did so with a startled blink, seeming to finally realize the state the mare was in. The mare quickly flapped away from Twilight, flying against the walls, much like a bird trapped in a hallway might, hooves scrabbling against the walls as if trying to dig her way out. The mare quickly dove to the ground, curling up in the corner furthest from both Twilight and the door. The only sound in the room was loud wailing sobs of the former guardsmare, her cries becoming all the louder and more panicked as anyone attempted to approach her.

Twilight looked at the broken shell of a pony with a deeply haunted look, her hoof briefly drifting towards her chest, before the pain of standing on one foreleg caused her to quickly return it to the ground. She shook her head and looked down at her hooves, and then around the room, her eyes seeming to skip over the mare.

"Where is Fubar's gear being kept?" Twilight quietly demanded.

"We'd stored it in your Armory, princess Twilight." a guard stated.

This seemed to confuse Twilight, she blinked owlishly, turning away from the gore soaked dungeon, "My castle actually has an armory?"

"Yes mam', we noticed that the enemy seemed to be storing most of his equipment there and we decided to store the rest of his captured gear there to have it all in one place for later study."

"Take me there."

"Twilight, are you sure you are in any condition to face that, stallion, again?" Celestia asked, looking down at the smaller princess, eye filled with blatant worry.

"Are you?" Twilight asked quietly, looking Celestia in the eye. Celestia frowned and glanced away, her newest bruises marring her usually flawless features. "We have to face him again Celestia, I have to face him again. Not only do I refuse to send these ponies against him without our support, I need to know what happened to my brother. More than that, I'm the one who argued to keep him alive, to turn him into a pony, and vainly believed I could teach this monster the value of friendship. These ponies' blood is on my hooves. I will do what I can to avenge them, and my brother, if it comes to that."

A deep frown sat on Celestia's face, a rare expression for the princess that had been becoming worryingly common this past week. She watched Twilight limp over to the waiting guards and begin to lead them back up the stairs out of the basement. Celestia's eyes drifted over to the still sobbing mare, now being tenderly looked over by two medics and the room full of dead ponies. She to felt an odd alien emotion take root in her chest, her normally friendly face becoming hard and grim as she turned to join Twilight and the army.

~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~

More bodies. Usually in groups of three or four, scattered about the halls on the way to the Armory, doubtlessly the patrol groups that she had intended to use to keep ponies out of the castle while she dealt with Fubar. It was obvious, even to her untrained eyes that they had met their end largely unaware of their attacker and with overwhelming brutality. Ponies hung from walls impaled by their own weapons, torn in half, crushed into paste, and often with injures that Twilight struggled to understand how they were even inflicted. Not to mention why someone would even inflict them.

"He seems to have a rather odd fascination with hindquarters doesn't he?" one of the guards commented eyeing the four guards weakly struggling against the cruel and torturous injury that had been inflicted on them.

"They still seem to be alive, medics, try to get them out of there while they're still breathing. They can't have to much air in there." Twilight ordered as she walked past the honestly horrifically fascinating four. "How much further to the Armory?"

"Not much further princess, just around this corner."

Twilight nodded, her face becoming a gathering of black storm clouds promising a storm of vengeance as she hobbled slightly faster. And drew up short.

Twilight had thought she was becoming immune to the damage that her monstrous charge could inflict, but the amount of destruction and death around the armory drew her up short. There was a half dozen mangled bodies scattered about, their blood splattered across every surface, two more were impaled to the walls by spears, and another seemed to have been embedded into the ceiling. The door to what must have been the armory was missing, though there was plenty of splinters scattered around, and opposite it was dozens of massive craters in the wall, the craters was thankfully mostly free of blood so however they'd been made it likely hadn't involved killing more ponies.

Twilight could hear loud, furious cursing from inside the room, but her eyes were drawn to the last detail she'd noticed. One of the bodies across the hall was still breathing, something that might have once been white, but was now so covered by blood and bruises it was difficult to tell. But she did notice a small blue shield with a purple starburst half hidden under a frayed bloody tail.

"Shining!" Twilight cried hobbling forward at her best attempt at a gallop.

A single red engorged eye peaked past a purple swollen eyelids, the broken face lifted itself off the ground with the most heroics of efforts, revealing a shatter chunk of bone that might have once been a horn. The eye widened as the broken stallion took a wheezy breath and breathed out a weak cry. "No, don't."

"Wha-?"

"FUCK OFF YOU EMPERAH DAMNED CUNTS!"

Twilight shrieked as the wall in front of her exploded, a spear hurled by terrific force screamed past her snout, close enough to draw blood, before embedding itself halfway into the opposite wall where it vibrated with an almost comical twang. Twilight backpedaled eyes focused on the weapon that had nearly killed her before shifting to her brother across the hall. Gathering her focus she quickly teleported to the wheezing pile of beaten meat, flinching as the blood swollen eye drifted over to her, still full of desperation.

"Don't worry Shining, you're going to be okay, we can get you out of here and to a hospital." She ignited her horn to try and move him but the corona had barely formed around him before he emitted the most pained wheeze Twilight had ever heard and she quickly released him. Her eyes widened as she cast her gaze across the hall where an army of ponies waited for orders, eyeing the damage to the hall worriedly. She quickly picked out the two blood stained ponies she wanted and teleported them to her. The two blinked in confusion and before they even had time to recover Twilight gave the pair a simple order, "Heal him as best you can and get him to the hospital when he's safe to move."

Before they could respond Twilight teleported back to her army, holding up a single hoof ordering them to hold position. She slowly lowered herself onto her belly and began to crawl forward towards the hole a spear had recently made in the wall. Twilight could clearly hear the sounds of angry grunting, rattling chains, and muttered curses from the room but could only hazard a guess at what the beast inside was up to. Needing more information she slowly raised her eye up to the hole to peek inside, where she gulped as she noticed her gaze being met by one glowering green eye and three radiant red ones.

"WHAT PART OF 'FUCK OFF' DON'T YOU LITTLE ANAL SAUSAGES CUNTING GET!?" Twilight witnessed the astarte snatch up a nearby spear from a rack full of them and using his mechanical arm hurl it a her. She didn't have time to react or try to defend herself, thankfully for her, Celestia was watching over her today.

A golden barrier appeared between Twilight and her demise. The spear shattered and splintered against the barrier as broken masonry like wise pinged of the now dented and cracked magical barrier. Twilight yelped in shock, toppling over and scooching away from the wall and back towards relative safety, taking deep breaths as a weak chuckle escaped her throat as she realized just how close to death she'd come. She quickly silenced these nervous giggles and ignored both the guards around her and Celestia herself as they all fussed over her.

What she had seen with her brief glimpse had not at all been what she was expecting. She'd expected to see Fubar half clad in his armor, gearing up to go on a slaughtering spree, instead he seemed to be doing the opposite. The massive pink pony had gathered all of his things together in a pile and had been in the process of chaining it all together around something. Instead of wearing his own armor, he had instead fashioned a makeshift armor from his own chains and the cuirasses of more than a dozen suits of armor. Considering the absolute disdain for anything pony made and the vast superiority of his own gear, if made Twilight rather curious. Now she wasn't going to be so stupid as to- "Hey Jackie, what are you doing?"

Twilight's, Fubar's, and nearly every other gaze in the hallway snapped to where Pinkie was happily looking into the open armory without an apparent care in the world. The mountainous stallion in the room growled like an avalanche as he roared, "I'M TRYING TO FUCKING BLOW MY SHIT UP SO NONE OF YOU COCKING XENOS FAGGOTS CAN FUCKING FUCK WITH MY FUCKING STUFF! NOW SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK THE FUCK UP SO I CAN FINISH AND PURGE EVERY FUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU FROM THE DAMN UNIVERSE BEFORE I END MYSELF!"

Twilight needed a bit of time to absorb that bombshell, sadly Pinkie didn't seem to. "Why would you want to do that? Your stuff's super neato and you always told me suicide was for pussies and xenos."

"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE EMPERAH LOVING FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM NOW!?" Fubar roared with such volume that every ear in the castle folded. The raw fury and anguish in that cry carried across the town seeming to echo for minutes throughout the crystal halls of the castle even as he continued, "LOOK AT ME YOU FUCKING CUNT! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A FAGGOTY ASS TINY XENO ABOMINATION LIKE YOURSELF! I'M NOT ME ANYMORE! I NEVER WILL BE MYSELF AGAIN! I CAN'T DO MY ONE EXPRESSED PURPOSE ANYMORE! I CAN NEVER RETURN TO MY HOME, NEVER SEE MY BROTHERS AGAIN, NEVER TRULY SERVE THE THRONE BOUND GOD OF TERRA EVER AGAIN! I AM NO LONGER ASTARTES, I'M NO LONGER HUMAN, I'M NOT EVEN A FUCKING ABHUMAN ANYMORE BECAUSE OF YOU CUNTS!"

Despite not being able to see the titan, Twilight could tell from here that he was crying just from the raw anguish in his voice. For a brief moment, she began to find herself questioning if she should try to end the man or embrace him in his moment of need. However, as the ex-astarte draw breath and continued, his voice now devoid of anguish, only what she knew as duty and a rapidly building inferno of pure rage, all such thoughts fled her mind. "SO SINCE I CAN'T USE MY OWN EQUIPMENT ANYMORE, FOR NO SON OF MISBEGOTTEN XENO WHORE IS GOING TO LAY ONE HAIR ON ASTARTES EQUIPMENT, NOT EVEN MYSELF, I'LL MAKE DAMN SURE IT IS UNRECOVERABLE. AND THEN I WILL TAKE GREAT AND BOUNDLESS PLEASURE BY FUCKING ASS RAPING EVERY LAST CUNTING LIVING THING ON THIS COCKING PLANET WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING GEAR UNTIL NOT A SINGLE LIVING THING IS LEFT TO RECALL YOUR MONUMENTAL FUCK UP AND MY DAMNED SHAME IS ERASED FROM LIVING MEMORY AND HISTORY! ALWAYS ANGRY!"

"But can't Twilight change you back?" Pinkie asked cocking her head to the side.

Suddenly one could hear a pin drop, if a pin would even be capable of falling due to the raw amount of tension in the air. Every breath in the entire castle seemed to be held as slowly ever last one of the hundreds of soldiers crammed into the hall slowly turned to look at the paralyzed princess with wide terrified eyes. As one they all began to quietly shuffle away from her with the lone exception being Celestia herself, who had just enough mental fortitude to not abandon her fellow princess just yet. Though even that resolve was shaken as from within the armory emerged a single, almost quiet word that rumbled with more menace than an active volcano threatening to explode. "What?"

"Can't Twilight change you back? I mean she turned all of us into Breezies once and she changed us back, can't she change you back into a big ol' Space Marine again?" As she asked this, Pinkie to turned to look at Twilight. Though her gaze was more questioning and not one of sheer horror like all the others.

There was a rattle of chains, metal, and the slight whirling of some unknown mechanism, followed closely by loud, heavy, slow hoofsteps. Each step seemed to echo like thunder across the halls of the castle. Each step causing a minor tremor that ran up the legs and down the spines of everypony present. Each step was a clear and succinct declaration of someone with absolute authority that tolerated no argument. They were each accompanied by the soft cracking of crystal breaking and being ground to dust beneath the heavy hooves of an approaching force of nature.

Towering, terrible, and temperamental, the giant pink pony that was now the former Captain Fubar Jac'ass, ex-member of the Angry Marines and all the angrier for it, slowly emerged out of the broken entryway to the armory. With stony slowness and an expression great disdain seemingly permanently chiseled into place upon a face the size of an equine's torso rotated to face Twilight. A short angry snort escaped the beast as a single solitary green eye slowly locked with Twilight's own lavender ones. "Is this true?" Twilight gulped, why was it so much worse when he wasn't screaming and cursing? "Are you capable of turning me back to normal?"

Twilight managed to squeak out a tiny barely audible whimper that would have done Fluttershy proud, "Maybe."

"THEY WHY BY THE EMPERAH'S MASSIVELY EPIC BALLSACK HAVEN'T YOU DONE SO YET YOU LITTLE XENO TRIPLE CUNT!?" Fubar roared slamming his front two limbs into the ground like a petulant colt, though with far more effect.

Twilight desperately and hurriedly fished for a lie that wouldn't get her turned into a grease stain on the floor, "Because I don't have a good template for the spell!" she shut her eyes and flinched, waiting for a deathblow or more screaming, when none was immediately forthcoming she barreled ahead, "I know pony biology inside and out so turning someone into or back into a pony is easy for me, but for something I'm not familiar with I need a template to work off of. In other words, without another Astarte I don't think I can change you back," Uh oh, no that's a squishable offense, she can see his face turning purple as her mane, hell she can feel his shout building, "BUT! I think with a bit of time and research, I might be able to construct a spell that will let me acquire not just a template, but your specific Astartes form. I just need some time to work out a safe time travel spell to go back and scan you is all, it is completely doable, but it will take me some time."

"THEN GET THE FUCK TO WORK YOU RETARDED LITTLE HORSE HUMPER!" With that Jac'ass began to turn back into the armory.

For some reason Twilight couldn't properly explain, merely theorizing at a later date that her fear had become so great that it had somehow flipped all the way around to suicidal courage. "If I'm to do this, I have some conditions that need to be met." Again with geological slowness the titan's gaze turned to her, "You've already expressed intent to wipe out everypony on the planet regardless of your form so if I do this and change you back I want you to swear to your god emperor that you will not harm a single pony on this planet that is not directly trying to harm you." A great and terrible rumble was building in the pink stallion's chest, "More over, while I'm working on this spell, I will need the help of my assistant Starlight so I also don't want you attacking her or her stuff anymore." He was now also bearing his teeth in a most unhappy fashion. "And lastly, I understand you don't like sharing any information with us, but I might need to know some bits and pieces about you to make sure this spell doesn't kill you so I'd like if you'd answer them when I ask them. Is this all acceptable?"

For nearly a solid minute Fubar didn't move, just stood there in the doorway, glaring down at Twilight. As he glared at her, he began to tremble violently. As he began to vibrate his unhappy rumbling turned into the roaring of a combustion engine being pushed to its limits. As his unhappy noises got louder his new wings began to spread in a manner that made Twilight feel like he was about to swoop down on her like some great predator. He bit down on his bottom lip so hard that it drew blood as a sound not unlike a whistling kettle began to sound. Finally as his face become a deep deep shade of purple and his eyes began to bulge so much Twilight felt sure they might explode out of his skull a single word forced its way free of the stallion with such force that the front line of pony fell screaming to the ground with ruptured ear drums and shattered bones.

"FINE!!!"

With that single word he turned back into the armory, tried to slam the non-existent doors close, only to realize they weren't there and instead tore up a massive chunk of the floor to slam into the doorway with resounding finality. By the following sounds of crashing and cursing Fubar was either piling yet more junk against the wall, having a tantrum, or had perhaps caused to floor to collapse. Either way Pinkie smiled happily and skipped over to Twilight, who was herself smiling, admitted it was a frazzled terrified smile and her eyes didn't appear to be all that focused at the moment.

"Wow Twilight! That," Whatever else Pinkie was saying was cut short as Twilight slowly tilted over.

Author's Note

Sorry about the long delay on this one, moving, lots of job overtime and general life junk got in the way, as did the need to start writing another story that will be going up and being written at the same time as this one. Hopefully fewer delays on the next few chapters.