Author's Note

ScopingLandscape, you've fallen right into my trap! DRIVEBYFRACTURESPOSTING, GO!

a Storm Kingdom operative actually comes and takes Spike away? (PE#5)

"RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH," a Storm Kingdom grunt tore through the walls of Twilight's castle. He pointed a bony finger at Spike. "Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."

"Yes, I'm me. Do you have an appointment?"

The grunt picked up Spike with a single hand, his fingers clasped firmly around Spike's small frame. "I am going to cover you in wax, as per my orders that were described within the previous chapter."

"H-huh?"

The Storm Kingdom grunt lumbered out of the hole in the wall with Spike still firmly in his grip.

"Spike?" Twilight peered through the hole in the wall. "Spike? You in there?"

Silence hung in the air amidst the destruction. All around, pieces of pulverized crystal lay scattered across the floor. A shredded comic book lay in tattered ruins at her hooves.

"...Spike?" she picked up the comic, tracing a hoof along the imprint stamped into it by heavy boots. A steely frown slowly crept across her face.

"Celestia, Luna," Twilight bowed before the throne. "As the Princess of Friendship, I am here to request military aid from our sovereign ally of Equestria for a..." she paused for thought. Given what the very reason for her domain's existence was, she'd have to pick her words carefully. "An act of friendship."

Celestia set a hoof on her sister's Intrendo Swatch and pushed it down. "Pay attention, Lulu." She turned her attention back to Twilight. "What aid do you request in this mission, and for what reason is this act of friendship being performed?"

"Five surface-to-air missiles, ten of your finest tanks, and if possible, two nuclear-capable ICBMs. I cannot disclose the reason for national security concerns."

"It's Spike, isn't it?" Celestia deadpanned. "Saw him being carried like a duffel bag like an hour ago. Thought it was weird but whatever. Anyway I'm rejecting your request 'cause do you know how expensive that'll be? That would cut into make cake budget!"

Twilight let out a huff. "Fine then. No weapons of destru--er, peace and kindness. Any aid at all will be greatly appreciated."

Celestia took a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong sip of her drink. Twilight watched the liquid spiral up the curly straw.

"Best I can getcha is a wagon, two jugs of lemonade, a Raven, and this filly that wandered into the palace the other day."

"Wha--"

A little red wagon fell squarely on top of Twilight. Raven Inkwell sighed quietly, moving to extract Twilight from beneath it. "Princess," she began, "I believe it would be wise to treat your former student better than this."

"Fine. One guided missile." Celestia lowered Luna's Intrendo Swatch. Again. "Watch, Luna. This is true diplomacy."

Luna glanced between what was currently happening and the intergalactic empire she'd built in her game using purely pacifist strategies. "I--"

"Shh."

Luna rolled her eyes.

"Thank you," Twilight brushed herself off as Raven loaded the wagon with the bottles of lemonade. "You mentioned something about a filly as well?"

"Hi yeah it's me again," Gadget peeked out from behind the two (admittedly quite large) jugs of lemonade on the cart. "Might've gotten a little lost."

"Ah."

~~guess what ya hecks this is actually Project Emphenom Numero 五.~~

"--and then it turns out my real dad was some guy named Mister Microwave, and he tried to banish me to a parallel universe because he wanted a son! Didn't work though 'cause I'm still here!"

"You sound surprisingly okay with this, Gadget," Twilight trudged along, pulling the filly in the wagon behind her. Raven trailed behind, carrying a guided missile on her back.

"That's 'cause I am. I didn't even know he was my dad until recently."

"Oh. Okay."

"Soooooo, do you think you can teach me some magic while we're out here truckin' along?"

"Wait--" Twilight stopped. Gadget and the rest of the wagon bumped up against her leg. "Up there, you see that?"

Raven stepped up beside her, squinting. "I believe I do. Is that the Storm King's vessel?"

"Ooh, can I shoot the missile?" Gadget scrambled out of the wagon to Raven's side. "I've always wanted to make something big go boom!"

Twilight stared at Gadget.

Gadget stared back.

"No."

"Awwwwwww."

"Shall I fire the missile myself then?" Raven steadied herself under the weight.

"Also no."

"Dangit."

Gadget glanced at Raven following that utterance. Then she turned her gaze to Twilight. After that, the dot in the sky that was currently occupying Twilight's attention.

"What do you plan to do if we are not using the missile?" Raven asked. "The ship is far out of range of teleportation, and simply flying to it would be unwise given the likelihood of it having anti-air defenses onboard."

The sound of something tearing caught both of their attention.

Gadget looked over her shoulder for a brief second, then resumed her sawing of... nothing?

"What are you..." Twilight stepped to the side for a better view. Gadget had some sort of knife from who-knows-where, and was currently furiously sawing at something. "Gadget? Where'd you get that from?"

"Hm? Oh, this thingy?" she held up the blade. It looked more like a shard of glass than any sort of knife, even down to the faint glimmer it took on in the sunlight from the light it refracted. "Found it. I did say that my banishment failed, didn't I?"

"...Yes?"

Gadget grinned. "Well, this is a little souvenir from that. It's my little piece of the sky."

"Wat."

Raven shook her head, taking the momentary pause in action to sit.

"I mean, I don't really know how to explain it either, soooooo--" Gadget flipped the shard in her hoof a couple of times. "All I know is that I can cut holes in the air with it. And then I can go into those holes, and then I find myself in some weird void place!"

Raven leaned toward Twilight. "In the words of Princess Luna, I believe what she is doing would best be described as 'noclipping out of reality itself'."

"Exactly!" Gadget cheered. She started on another cut, this time horizontal.

Twilight joined Raven in taking a seat, watching Gadget tear into whatever it was she was cutting.

"...What's it like? In the void, I mean."

Gadget slowed her movements, looking over her shoulder again. Twilight leaned forward intently.

"Well," she tapped the blade against the air. "It's dark, for one. But also kinda cozy in a weird way. Like, it's always the perfect temperature, and I never feel hungry when I'm in there either. There's like, little dots of light all around you, too. If you get close enough to them, you can look through and watch things happen. I have a whole collection if you wanna see!"

"A collection."

"Yup!" Gadget made one final slice before punching the hole open. "Follow me!"

Spike yawned at the table as the grunt continued dripping hot wax on him. It wasn't even painful at this point--not because he'd become numb to it or anything, but because there legitimately was no heat reaching him anymore.

The grunt hummed along as he continued to make his drip-candle on top of Spike.

Twilight backed away from the glowing orb. "Oh. So Spike's perfectly fine then."

Gadget lowered the ethereal object. "Yeah. And I'm pretty sure dragons are fireproof anyway, so it's not like the wax would've done anything to him in the first place."

"Yeah."

"Here's another one!" Gadget set the orb aside and held up another. "This one has a different version of you in it!"

Twilight peered into the ball of light. Sci-Twi immediately locked eyes with her.

"Woah now, don't get too excited," Gadget nudged Twilight back. "These things are like little invisible portals. If you're not careful, you'll go right through 'em!"

"Remind me again why you wanted a guided missile?" Raven looked up from watching the timeline where she was not only the only Raven Inkwell, but also one where she had a sane job.

"To make big things go boom."

Gadget shot Twilight a wide grin and a magically-formed thumbs-up. She tossed the Sci-Twi orb aside and picked back up the one involving Spike. "Anyway, you think we should go help him now?"

"I--"

A shudder rocked the strange realm surrounding them.

Raven groaned. "Oh, what now?"

"Something something parallel universe fight something," Gadget did... something to the glowing ball of light. Kinda looked like a cross between cracking an egg open and throwing a grenade. "What we should be doing right now is getting outta here!"

She fled through the newly-formed portal alongside Twilight and Raven.

"How's the candle going?" Spike rested his chin on the table. "It'd be nice if I had a mirror to see it."

A second grunt entered the room and placed a mirror in front of Spike.

"Oh sweet, thanks."

The grunt saluted before leaving.

"Spike!" Twilight and two far less relevant ponies burst out of the candle on top of his head, splattering everyone with not-so-melted wax. "We're here to save you!"

"M-my candle..." Spike touched the remains of the waxy structure on top of his head. "I sat so still for that! Craig was so careful!" He waved a freshly-issued comic book in the air. "I was treated like a king!"

The grunt nodded with a snort.

Gadget blinked. "Oh. We're the baddies here, aren't we? Might've picked the wrong timeline. Gimme a sec--" She scurried off somewhere to start cutting a hole again.

"Oof!" she cried out from around the corner. "Ohhhhh, hey guys, I found the Storm King!"

The Storm King Mister Sir Big Bossman loomed over the filly. "What do we have here? A stowaway? On my ship?"

Gadget's wide eyes shifted to the jugs of lemonade still sitting on the wagon they'd brought with them. "Actually, I'm not a stowaway! I'm... uh, your supervisor, sent from the kingdom! Don't you know your own handler when you see them?" She pulled a lock of her mane over her muzzle and took on a more nasal voice. "You see Mister The Storm King sir, your higher-ups from home sent me to train you on a new class of weaponry! If you let me free, I can explain it to you. But only if I decide that you are worthy of it. Only the best of my kings can wield it, you see."
Yes, Gadget just gaslit, gatekept, and girlbossed her way out of this situation.

"My superior, huh?" The Storm King lifted a brow. "I don't recall you being so... small."

"I've always been this small ya big doofus," Gadget booped the Storm King on the nose. "You're just remembering wrong. Anyway, I have a question for you before we continue. Why did you have your men kidnap Twilight Sparkle's assistant?"

"Yes. Let's hear it," Twilight stepped out from the room.

"So my superior is in hijinks with the enemy," the Storm King growled. "I see how it is. My country has betrayed me!"

Gadget pulled a jug of lemonade over and uncapped it. "I don't know what you're talking about. You want a sip?"

The Storm King opened an eye mid-overdramatized mock faint.

Gadget continued chugging the entire bottle.

A steely grin spread across his face as he cracked his neck. Gadget backed away a little.

"No."

"Oh nooooooo," Gadget tossed the jug of lemonade aside and floated the second one over. "No lemonade? Are you suuuuuure about that? You must be mighty thirsty up here in the sky. Look around you, do you see any water up here? Surely, you must be feeling a little dehydrated after all that you've done today."

"Nope."

Gadget uncapped this other jug. "Well too bad. Lemonade time ya scrublord."

"WAITWAITWAITWAITWAI--"

Gadget tossed the cap aside and lobbed the entire jug at his face.

"ARARAAAAAAAAAAGH, MY EYES. DEAR SUN AND STARS ABOVE, I'LL END YOU FOR THAT."

Twilight grumbled under her breath as she scooped up the filly and made a run for it. She grabbed Spike and Craig as well. "Raven! Ready the guided missile!" she shouted as she ran past. "Gadget, gimme that knife thing."

Gadget pulled out her little shard of sky from who-knows-where.

"Thanks. Also, please don't blind your opponent with lemonade grenades when they appear willing to talk. I have a vague idea of why Spike might've been kidnapped in the first place, but I highly doubt that we'll know for sure now that the Storm King is bent on killing us."

Gadget wiggled her dangling legs in the air. "You're taking this surprisingly well."

"Touché."

Twilight steadied herself with the blade. "Alright Gadget, I just cut, right? Does it matter what kind of motion I make?"

"Nope! Just like, imagine the cutting. Don't really know how it works either but I know that it does work!"

Twilight took a deep breath before making an X-shaped slash across the air. With a sudden shoom, reality once again tore open to reveal the dark void that lay beneath it all. She glanced one more time at the interior of the ship, then made eye-contact with Raven, who was now using the wagon as a mount for the missile to launch from.

She ducked through the flapping shreds of space, followed by Raven and the wagon.

"Fire!" she shouted behind herself.

A loud shoom marked the launch of the missile as it glided through the tear. Twilight did the best she could to hold the flaps shut against the force of the explosion as all three ponies covered their ears. Despite those efforts, however (I mean, it is a military-spec guided missile), they were sent hurtling deeper into the void.

Thankfully, because this is still somehow a chapter of What If on top of the three being cartoon ponies, no harm came upon them.

Spike rubbed his still waxy head. "Sheesh, did we really have to do that?"

Raven adjusted her cracked glasses. "Well, Twilight did request a guided missile."

"You didn't even use it as a guided missile! You shot it almost point-blank at the inside of the airship!"

Twilight shrugged. "Well, we got you back safely, you made a friend, and I'm pretty sure the Storm King is no more. What downsides are there in what we did?"

~~They all proceeded to get lost in the interdimensional backrooms for the next two days. Oops.~~