From Outside

by Dan_s Comments

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Drama, Original Character, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Sex
Length: 84806

Equestria is being invaded, horrible monsters march . . . and help with the poniform invaders?

Equestria is suffering from an ongoing invasion, then more, different, horrifying invaders arrive . . . and try to help?

Published 2017-10-05 07:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-23 10:30:52 UTC

1) Wolves Should Stay Quiet, You Might Upset the Dragons

Wolves Should Stay Quiet, You Might Upset the Dragons
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

I have been told that it is customary to give a gift and to describe embarrassing incidents participated in jointly, with the language barrier I decided to use the printed page to achieve both of these.

How did I meet those celebrated today? It was in arguably the best and the worst circumstances. I met them in combat that I neither sought nor wanted, and as a show of both intelligence and compassion, neither did they.

His arrival had all the hallmarks of a disaster. Considering he had likely been in the process of dying rather horribly when he'd left where he was, arriving here battered and bruised was a marked improvement. When the universe is nice to me, he thought, It always wants something later.

He stood slowly, verifying that he was essentially intact, and to his delight, still hexapodal, he'd even retained his preferred color scheme, an unlooked for bonus. Only the horn jutting out from his forehead put a damper on things. "I've become a unicorn, oh joy. You'd think I'd flunk the entrance exam, let alone graduate" He ignored the minor inconvenience and tested out his wings on a short flight. The new, feathered things lacked the power and he considered the majesty of his original models, but they served.

Flying over a small lake, or large pond, he got the second disappointment. "I had to be cute and fluffy, didn't I? Well, it beats being dead." He started following the course of the river on foot, or hoof, into and through a wood. While the trees gave him a vague sense of scale, he couldn't determine his actual size until he encountered something of a less variable size. He was vaguely aware of something following him, something that seemed both much larger, and trying to remain unseen. Since it was content to remain unseen, he was content to leave it unmolested.

The creature that stepped out from the forest onto the riverbank before him was a nightmare of the darkest form, for it chronicled the world he had found himself in only too well. "A wolf made out of wood, a timber wolf." He facehoofed. "The local creator is a comedian who thinks it's clever. Oh joy and rapture." He watched the creature advance as no wolf ever did, especially not alone.

He tried his breath weapon and found it useless, he shrugged and loosed a blast from his horn. "I wonder if it'll form kindling kits now," he commented on the sawdust and splinters that dotted the path. "If that was the size of a regular wolf, I am rather tiny. Not a horse, barely a pony." He briefly considered that whatever was following him was neither cowed by his obliteration of the predatory firewood, nor had it worked out that if he'd wanted to harm it, he already would have.

The rest of the journey through and out of the forest had been a strictly boring affair. Ironically when he started going the wrong way, the noise behind him got very agitated, and calmed down when he was back on the optimal path. If it's trying to guide me by only sounding threatening when I'm going to get lost, he thought, I'll take it. If it's a trap, I'll just kill them all. Once he'd cleared the woods, his 'pursuer' broke cover and sprinted away as fast as her legs could carry her.

"Border Collie, I am rather diminutive," he said as he noted the road sign that directed passage to Sweet Apple Acres, or to Ponyville. "If the sense of humor of this place holds, Ponyville will be all equines, and Sweet Apple Acres will be an apple farm. Considering the mobile tree, they may actually need a herding dog for the apple trees." Wonder why she was herding me? he considered before setting his hooves on the path.

He continued towards Ponyville, hoping that the place was not a completely psychotic nightmare.

"Naw!" the Pink Maniac said. "Wow! I've never seen you before and that means you're a new pony in town," the pink pony exclaimed

"Or you've had a psychotic break and I'm just a hallucination," he replied, barely getting the words in edgewise. He noted that while the population seemed to be all equines, many of the fixtures were optimized for human-forms, not their users'.

Rescue came in the form of the dog who'd been skulking in his shadow during the walk through the forest.

"Good Lord, now it's wearing a hat," he said as the happily barking dog approached, hotly pursued by another brightly-colored equine. He considered the human headgear and the possibilities that implied.

"Winona! What's got into you?" the following pony shouted as the dog, possibly 'Winona' came to a stop before him, panting and grinning. The orange pony snatched the hat off the dog and put it on her own head.

The orange pony looked at him. "Sorry, I don't . . . Woah Nellie! You're an alicorn!" The pony fell back into her haunches in shock.

"Wow that makes you an extra special -!" the pink maniac began.

"I'm not standing around here being insulted," he told them as he launched into the air. He flew basically back towards the forest, while gaining as much altitude as he could, testing his wings as well as looking for a place to hole up until he got his bearings. "Ponyville is definitely off my to do list," he said. And wondered, Why set up a town with human implements, but scaled for these equines?

He noted the blue, winged horse in pursuit, but easily outdistanced it in altitude. Later, there were a couple of others, but he stayed well above their maximum service ceiling. He didn't want to test whether he could manage outer space. As weird as this place seems to be, he thought, It might have crystal spheres or lumeriferous aether instead of empty space.

Staying at altitude and hiding behind, and later on, the high cirrus, he waited until night fell and the towns and villages lit up far beneath him. He also noticed the sun and moon seemed vastly closer to the planet than the heliocentric systems he was used to. So the sun and moon go around the planet, he thought as he mused, The equipment is human-form. And the animals are intelligent. Interesting. Let's hope this is C. S. Lewis, rather than Lewis Carroll, or George Orwell.

From altitude, he spotted several coastal cities and decided to head to one of them, the one farthest away from the Castle of Ludwig the Mad he'd seen earlier. He descended fast, but not so fast that he created shockwaves, the last thing he needed was to draw attention to himself. Landing a short distance outside the city proper, he tested his magic to disguise his wings and horn. That done he trotted towards the glowing lights of the city.

Upon entry, he was immediately challenged by guards, ponies in armor. "Hey, you!"

He looked at the pair, and could feel others nearby. "Yes, officer." He decided a doughnut joke could wait until he discovered if doughnuts even existed here.

"What's your business in Los Pegasus?" the officer asked, the other held back, but neither had the look of rookies.

Considering to hell with it he answered, "I was looking for work."

They had a crude picture of his previous form, but without the wings or horn, they had dismissed that and were now dealing with a potential vagabond. "What kind of work?" the officer asked.

"You'll think I'm teasing you, officers," he said, trying to look sheepish, the hardest thing he'd done today.

"Just tell us," the officer who'd held back demanded.

"Making doughnuts," he replied and looked between the officers.

"Beaker Street and Rose Court, they have a help-wanted sign for the night shift," Officer Grumpy told him, "Move along."

He nodded and trotted away, as the pair and their hidden backup drew away.

I seem to have made quite a stir, he thought as he moved through the streets, located a map kiosk, and was soon at the aforementioned Beaker Street and Rose Court, only to watch one of the buildings blow fire out the upper floor windows and flap its roof up to vent the force of the blast. This may be interesting, he considered applying at the alchemist building, but decide on the doughnut shop. The place was crawling with police. Cliches, he thought as he entered.

"Get your order in a moment," the pony behind the counter called.

"I was here about the job," he called back, and in the slickest piece of transformational magic since his own earlier, he was behind the counter wearing a striped cap and apron.

"You're hired," the pony who'd performed the transformation/teleportation told him, and directed him towards the counter, and all the police waiting to place their orders.

For an hour, he took doughnuts from the racks, filled coffee mugs of varying sizes from large to 'able to drown larger farm animals', and ran the cash register. The idea that a single type of coin made up their entire economy made little sense, but the nonsensical never made an impression on him.

He did manage to figure out that the rounder-faced ponies were female, or effeminate, and the squarer features were male or at least masculine. Those retaining their eyebrows were police, and those without, the alchemists. He'd also learned that he was actually rather well favored, considering some of the flirting he'd been subjected to by mostly female police, but also an occasional alchemist, females and one male. He vaguely wondered if it was to get better prices, or their husbands were just inattentive. He doubted it was anything else due to his apparent near poverty.

After the hour, there was enough of a lull for him to check for the owner, who had presumably been refilling the continuously replenished racks. He couldn't find the pony. He didn't go too far out the back, and could find no trace of the pony. He vaguely recollected that the pony had been male, without wings or horn, but couldn't recall anyone using the pony's name.

With someone unseen diligently refilling the racks, he 'ponied' the register until closing, just before lunch, then locked up. He searched the place, finding neither hide nor hair of his employer or the other helpers. He found a set of duplicate keys, and vaguely hoped that the owner had his own set. After finishing locking up, he was initially surprised that it was so hard to leave the building, like invisible hands were trying to drag him back in. Then he realized, Idiot, that's the security system, they can get in, but they can't leave. He unwound the filaments of the 'Roach Motel' from himself, and proceeded on his way.

Overall, the town was like any other, familiar and strange bits. That it was so familiar was one of the stranger bits. The library and a few civil buildings were of the local ideal of grand style, and the other buildings were a hodgepodge characterizable by their age to a certain style of construction and ornamentation. Within a few minute, he could guess the approximate age of the building by the architectural style, with a few glaring exceptions.

Museum of Modern Art, huh, he thought, I wonder if I could encourage the pigeons to show their own artistic talents. Probably better than anything on the inside. Maybe find out what typeface they use on their note cards and attach a doughnut to the wall with something esoteric written there. The mundane torus, the torus of mundanity, no. Widershins and Spinwise? Yeah that's the ticket.

2) Montgomery, Oracle of Delphi, Won't Save You

Montgomery, Oracle of Delphi, Won't Save You
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

He was snickering as he walked towards the seedier part of town, where the local underworld would provide him with his favorite type of entertainment. As he walked through the twisted alleyways, he stumbled upon his second favorite form of entertainment.

Long ago he'd learned that heroes would beat you up if you beat up the 'innocent'. But if you beat up people beating up the innocent, they would lecture you, but they'd let you continue on your way. 'But Dr. Baby-Eater was eating a baby.' 'You should have tried to talk to him first, before you shot him.' 'Oh, I called for him to repent his evil ways and put down the baby, but he refused. Then I shot him.' 'Well, all right then.' Second, the victimizers rarely thought they'd be targeted by another villain, so you often got the first shot. Fair fights were for practice or for suckers. The centaur in the cloak was draining the life out of some poor schmuck. Said schmuck was already on the ground, insensate and motionless.

"Would you like to talk about the redeeming value of hugs and cuddles?" he asked, right before he smashed his forehoof into the brick of the building wall of the alley hard enough to chip the brickwork. The centaur's lack of response was initially due to surprise, then entirely due to his head being between said hoof and the wall. The energy poured out of the centaur and scattered in discrete packets in all directions.

"You may have felled Tirek, but you cannot withstand me!" the alicorn announced as he stepped out of the shadows while flaring his wings to display the red underplumage and ignited the glow of his horn. A black aura, completely in keeping with the black and red color motif of the younger alicorn. His own solid black and apparent Earth pony appearance did not impress the alicorn. Unfortunately for the youngster, neither had 'Tirek's' swift departure from the mortal coil.

Nice trick, he thought of the web of darkness that enclosed him, But the bakery's security system did it better.

"You've fallen into my trap," he told the pompadoured alicorn as he stood, unimpressed by the youngster's net as it vanished, followed by the youngster's bravado, "Now you must answer to me: What is the airspeed of a swallow in flight?"

The young alicorn's terror at having his best trick shredded so easily changed to a smirk. "African or European?" he tossed back.

"Disintegrate."

We're having none of them, he thought as he considered the victim, the only other pony left in the alleyway. Initially he'd thought she was the pony equivalent of a crack whore, emaciated almost to death, now she 'reinflated' gaining more muscle and curves. Towards the end of the process, he recognized her as one of the female cops who'd flirted with him. The grinning flower emblazoned on her flank seemed incongruous with her tough persona. No wonder she hides it with her uniform, he thought as he waited until she seemed on the verge of cognizance but still disoriented when he hugged her.

"Oh thank you, thank you thank you!" he said, "I know as a stallion I should be brave, but that monster was just so scary, and then you appeared out of nowhere and saved me!"

The completely disoriented mare just hugged him back. "It's all right, I'm sure everything will be all right." The hug quickly went from comforting a victim, to seeking comfort herself as her experiences overwhelmed her and she snuggled against him.

"Oh, officer, I'm sorry, it was terribly disrespectful!" he said and very slightly pulled away. He could almost hear her vexed expression.

"Given the situation, it's understandable," she said, still holding him.

Annnndd . . . ? he thought and waited, Is she going for the gold?

"I'm a little fuzzy, er frightened myself," she said.

"Okay," he replied and hugged her a good deal more firmly. His grin as she snuggled against him would have sent her scurrying away. He let her snuggle while he 'petted' her pate with his chin. "Did you see a dragon when you rescued me? I saw a lot of weird stuff before you arrived, but you and that big dragon really stood out."

"So me, and a dragon?" she asked.

"If you didn't see it, it was a hallucination," he replied, "You're real." He pulled away, so he could look her in the eye, and see she was blushing. "Aren't you?"

The miffed look returned and she pulled him into a kiss. Another human action rather than the more logical equine one. He was well versed in human interactions, and he realized that ponies seemed as nose-blind as humans, because the cop didn't realize the signal her pheromones were broadcasting to anyone who could pick up the olfactory heraldry.

He broke the hug, and could smell the female's frustration. "I think we'd get you in trouble, messing up a crime scene," he told her, and hid his pleasure at the look of chagrin on her face. "And I need to do the report, and get back to work, or I'll have half the force trying to break down my door."

She frowned at that, but nodded. Her frustration was olfactively screaming as she hunted down an on-duty guard. He gave the statement that he'd already discussed with her, which he'd been attacked and the officer rescued him, but with all the other weird stuff he saw during the attack he wasn't sure how reliable it was. The sergeant who'd arrived to take over the investigation sent them both to the local station. It seemed that there had been a rash of ponies having their magic drained, and they'd all recovered when Tirek was defeated.

'All the survivors recovered', he considered as they walked back to the station, That's a nice euphemism that some of them died. He noted that she was walking close enough her swaying hips made her periodically brush against him. When he looked at her after several dozen such brushes, she just grinned at him. He just raised an eyebrow at her and returned to walking. And her pheromones announced her determination to get him.

The interrogation at the station was both less friendly and far more professional. It was also wider ranging.

"Have you seen this pony?" the lieutenant asked as he hoofed over the same picture he'd seen on his arrival.

"Yes," he said, "But with all the weird stuff I hallucinated when Tirek attacked, that's not saying much. Besides that was the picture they compared me to when I arrived in town last night."

The lieutenant stared at him, and he felt magics coursing around him, as if to strip away a disguise. But his spells were transformational, not illusions. The shape-change held. The lieutenant left the interrogation room with an odd expression, passing the female officer as she entered. While it was subtle, he heard the lock on the outside slide into place. While he considered the possible left-handed compliment that he was 'safe', he briefly considered, Is this the good or the bad cop? Time to play along.

"Are you okay?" he asked, standing up quickly, and collecting her into a hug.

"I am now," she replied giving him some bedroom eyes.

He glanced at the door, then stepped away from her. "A little protection," he said earning a perplexed look, then comprehension as he wedged a chair under the doorknob.

"Now that I've made my statement, I made a promise," he said as he nuzzled her, her pheromones screaming as he lifted her up and sat her on the table.

They were walking out of the station, Posey Blossom, the female officer was walking a lot more sway hipped than before, and not because she wanted to brush up against him. She was leaning on him, to prevent her from falling down.

He glanced back at her to judge her reaction to his last statement, and watched her eyebrows rise as what he'd said dawned on her. If they rise too much farther, he thought, They'll be clinging to the tip of her tail.

"She said you were inept?" she asked, almost choking on the words.

"Yes, but she kept coming back to me," he said and shook his head, "It never made much sense."

She laid a hoof on his shoulder instead of facehoofing. "If that was 'inept', then Celestia is merely good at magic."

Full points, he thought as they walked, But time to lay down the cover up.

"What confused me is why her twin sister tried to trick her way into my bed if I was no good. She was chief magistrate, and could have had someone better than me." He shrugged. "She said she'd 'get me' if I ever told her sister, which I did, and started traveling after that, town to town doing odd jobs."

He practically saw the light bulb go off over her head. A couple of the officers at the doughnut shop had mentioned the corrupt magistrate and her twin sister in an area outside Baltimare. A few months would be plenty of time to 'lose' all the records of someone's existence, even the copies in the Royal Archives. Making his lack of existence not only plausible, but reasonable.

He shrugged. "But I have a job here and can just rebuild my life," he said and looked at her smiling at him. "I am curious, why was there such concern about that alicorn showing up here?"

She was back to frowning. "There's been a spate of these alicorn-shaped aliens, bronies, they call themselves. They have been nothing but trouble. Fortunately, none have shown up here, they mostly, or have mostly, shown up around Ponyville. That Tirek character might have been one, but he doesn't seem to meet the profile."

"Yes, having someone like that show up in your backyard would not be my first choice of roommates," he replied, "What did they want? You go somewhere, you have to want something."

She stopped, blushing.

"Oh. So aside from my lack of horn and wings, you thought I was one?" he asked.

"None of them would let a mare say yes," she replied and nuzzled his side, "And none of them are as cute and fluffy as you."

"That vision I saw, some tough guy wannabe, black and red alicorn," he mused, "I guess I overheard the rumors and comments and just made it up out of whole cloth, same thing about the dragon, something my mind made up."

"Probably," she said leading him back to the doughnut shop, saying she knew where he'd be, before she left. He watched the sway of her hips and tail and knew he had a contact inside the police.

Mammals are so wonderfully predictable, he thought as he circumnavigated the place spotting the nodes for the security system, and that the owner hadn't come back.

Former owner I guess, he thought.

The shop, which had been a bit of a mess, was spotless. The smell of baking pastries filled the air. And the owner was no where to be found inside either. He'd also had enough of this mysterious business. He dropped his disguise and told them, "Come on out. I know you're there, and I know the difficulty I had leaving was due to you or some property of the store."

He waited a few minutes, checking on the scrubbed pots and trays, the swept floor, and urns of coffee loaded and ready to perc to add to the dispenser. "I can always decide to never open the place again, it wouldn't take more than a few days to lose all the clientele."

The creatures all came out of hidey-holes even he would have missed, if they didn't simply materialize out of thin air.

Few things would make his blood run cold, but the assembly before him got closer than anything in recent memory. Elves, he screamed internally, while considering just incinerating the whole block to guarantee getting them all.

3) Ever Dance With a Dragon In the Pale Moonlight

Ever Dance With a Dragon In the Pale Moonlight?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" the lead baker called, a creature that barely reached his shoulder, "You recognize elves, but we aren't like most of them."

A raised eyebrow indicated both an invitation to speak, but also the very finite resources of time and patience. "Sometimes we can obsess over things," the small creature said, and glanced around for support, which was only forthcoming from his audience, "Well, we like pastries. Not great cakes and those things. The simple ones."

"We ma'e th' b'st doughnuts, sw't r'lls and m'ffins," an elf who somehow evoked an anguished Montgomery Scott talking about his engines, without the proper brogue, "But the eatin' an' enjoyin' is a big p'rt."

"For that we need a frontpony, someone to interface with the customers," 'Baker' said, "We'd be no good at it."

"Big sn'ty place, yeah," 'Scotty' insisted, "But tha's na wha' we wan'!"

He snorted. "Do you have the faintest idea who I am?"

The pair stared at him deeply, and paled. "We do now," Baker said.

"Y'u're sti' better th'n we're," Scotty insisted, "And we don'a wanna g' b'ck. Mus' be why th' own'r ran off. The Queen's coming." He said the last as if it were a sentence of death.

He considered facing an Elf-Queen, In my previous form, no problem. In this one . . . .

"What was your agreement," he asked, "No elf-lord would let subjects simply escape?"

"The place's owner had to have blood on his hooves," Baker said, "Then she sent us here. Four hundred years and no one raises their hooves to each other."

"Blood like this?" he eliminated the shields from the hoof that had introduced the centaur Tirek to a brick wall.

Scotty sniffed at it. "Tha'll do. But wash it afo'e the customers arrive."

"So I don't have to sacrifice a pony right in front of the Queen?" he asked.

Both shook their heads.

"Very well, I assume the screen, which will not hold me," he said as he resumed his guise as an Earth pony, "Was a factor of the building, and not you lot. Because I'm considering dismantling it."

"The owner h's to stay close," Scotty explained, "But we did juice it up when he started panicking."

"So when I took the job, it switched over to me and he ran off," he said, "Very well, besides keeping the place running flawlessly." He let them smile with pride that he acknowledged their accomplishment. "What else can you do?"

A small elf maid, of gnomish face and form approached, carrying a satchel that looked more like a portfolio for her. "Copies of your birth certificate, and diplomas," she said as she presented them, "They hand copy and notarize documents, so they'll pass even police inspections."

He nodded. "Thank you," he said and smiled as she withdrew to another gnomish elf, her husband or lover. "Would the Queen's pending arrival have anything to do with these brony-alicorns who've been popping up? After all, if a magical signature draws all law-enforcement and the military's attention, then the Queen's arrival could go unnoticed."

This was clearly beyond their ken, he thought as little groups formed and discussed, with some of the lower-status ones running from group to group. He studied the dynamic, then called a halt. "I don't need an answer, but it's clear you all think it's a reasonable assumption."

"I don't!" one of the runners said, and quailed when he looked at the elf.

"Continue," he told the elf, "I won't eat a respectful and well thought out dissent, out of hand."

"The Queen could either slip in unnoticed, not care about the mystical fanfare of her arrival," he took a deep breath before continuing, "Or it wouldn't be just these distractions, she'd be doing things to attack the defenders directly or indirectly."

He sighed. I keep doing good deeds, I'm going to grow a shell and saber teeth, he thought angrily, But there's one line of attack, that according to the locals has only one defender.

"Very well, I will uphold the bargain, for the moment. And deal with the Queen when she arrives," he told them, "And despite the legends, I can take short naps, which is what I intend to do. If I'm not up an hour before opening, yell 'is that your mother-in-law', and run. I'll be awake shortly."

They snickered at that as he withdrew. There was a cot in the office, he took advantage of it, and decided he needed to make at least some introductions.

It was the bleakest dreamscape he'd ever seen, and he'd been the cause of some pretty bad ones. The only bright spot was that he'd been returned to his native form here. His utterly nightmarish appearance was his again. That made his job so much easier. But adjuring a chance to luxuriate in his own skin, claws and wings was harder, much. He so enjoyed being a dragon of nightmares.

Spotting his quarry among the rubble of what had been the 'Castle of Ludwig the Mad' he'd spotted on the side of the mountain outside of Ponyville, he dove down, to sweep in behind her. His silent approach was perfect as he considered the female alicorn whose nose and horn were practically digging furrows in the ground.

"When the world gifts you lemons, make lemonade," he boomed at her, knocking her ass over teacup and eliciting a furious stare as she initially resented, then feared his intrusion. Big dragons she was used to, not dragons who'd give archdevils bowel fluxes. "Why don't we clean this all up?" he asked and pointed daintily at the surroundings, "A bit of healthy exercise in the sunshine and accomplishing something you really want, is the perfect recipe for turning a frown upside down."

The blue alicorn stared at him. The demonic reverb in his voice not at all jiving with what he was saying. "Who - what are you?"

"I'm the Cheerful Fairy," he told her, "I knew you needed a pick-me-up, so I packed my bag and came on down." He did a pirouette and a bow that did nothing to settle her mind.

"Can you not see what this is?" she asked and waved around a hoof, "Can you not see yourself." She conjured a mirror and moved it before him.

"Oh dear!" he trilled as he recoiled, "I see what you mean." He licked his forepaw, letting her see his huge, black teeth and long, blood-red tongue, then rubbed his nose. "Smudge," he said, "All better now." He gave a happy grin.

Which Luna didn't take. The alicorn's mouth hung open as she stared.

"Hmm." He sat on his haunches and took a 'Thinker's' pose. "It seems we'll have to get some tea and cookies inside you before we can do anything."

The settings were of a full high-tea, biscuits (British and American meanings), jams and jellies, a centerpiece that could also serve as a buffet, sandwiches, and six varieties of tea, varying in strength from dishwater to knurd-inducing. He poured a mop-bucket-sized cup of number 5 to give to Luna, and took a demitasse of number 6.

Luna stared at herself in the teacup. "I don't deserve this," she said.

At that, he laughed, really laughed. The sound shocked her out of her stupor and had her ready to bolt. "No one 'deserves' what they get out of life," he said as The Cheerful Fairy, "Hard work goes unrewarded, and the meritless rocket to the heights. The question is what do you do when you get knocked down?"

She looked up briefly, then down into the huge teacup. He took advantage of her flagging control to wipe the gloom from the sky, replacing it with the sky over Ponyville he'd seen on his first day, and the sun was Princess Celestia's cutie mark, with Celestia's grin dead center of it. He downed the tea more slowly than he would have liked, and poured another to hide the shakes the effort had induced.

"See, I did the easy part, and you can start on the rest," he told her.

She drank a considerable amount of the tea and then licked her lips before really looking at him. "Why are you -?" she asked and waved a foreleg at him.

He transformed into a pleasantly dowdy unicorn matron in a worn sweater and travel-stained boots. "Because if I'd appeared like this, it wouldn't have penetrated." He returned to his natural appearance. "As for why I came here," he said, "There's an Elf Queen coming. It doesn't take a genius to guess that she'd overwhelm Princess Celestia with alicorns, and Princess Luna with the population's nightmares. I wasnted, wasnted? Wanted, to tell you that you two aren't alone. I'm a little too indelicate to interface meaningfully with your ponies, but the Elf-Queen is not a problem, for me. The ripples she's sending through your principality are your problem, the storm generating them is mine." While he'd been talking, his tail had been moving around one particular pile of rubble than had attempted to befuddle him earlier.

Like a striking snake, it dove in and yanked out what he'd half-expected. The elf kept changing into various forms and striking at the dragon's tail. But the few forms that could penetrate the thick scales to wound him depended on poisons for damage, but those just burned away in the caustic holocaust of his blood. The elf screamed as some of that blood spattered on his arm, eating cauterized holes to the bone.

"I don't get depressed," the dragon told the elf, "I just get puckish, then peckish."

"Don't kill him," Luna commanded, flying up to get a better look at her assailant.

"Heaven forfends," he pledged solemnly, "When there are so many fun things he can live through."

The elf tried to clam up, but this was a dream, and with her confidence returning, and righteous anger burning bright, the elf stood no chance. She was gentler than the dragon would have been, and peeled the layers of the elf's defenses away like peeling an onion, instead of smashing him open and rifling the content from what was left as was the dragon's wont.

I'm glad I'm 'on her side', the dragon thought, I would be hard pressed to stand against that. And she's not even at full song yet.

Luna breathed heavily, the dragon reached out and steadied her, earning a grateful nod. "They have been attacking my people, spreading nightmares, increasing anxiety, and generally making ponies miserable."

"And diverting your attention from assisting your sister or the Harmony Knights in dealing with the alicorn invasion," the dragon added, and got a nod in return.

"I'll hunt the others down," Luna said, "I sense you were both telling the truth, and lying about so many things I would be hard pressed to determine where one stopped and the next started."

"Very well. I have no designs against your people, you or your sister, the terrain features of your country, or the ponies' dreamscape in their persons or terrain features," he told her, "True or false?"

"I would gauge that true," she said.

"With the important caveat, if a pony's life is in danger, you and your sister included, I will break any or all of those promises," he said, "I will not allow someone I care about to come to harm for words and my reputation. I've murdered those I've sworn not to raise my hand against, when they thought to use that vow to give them a free attack against my allies. My word is only as good as the person I've given it to. Likewise, negotiations are always possible."

Luna gulped and nodded worriedly.

"Second, do not assume that just because I am on your and your ponies' side, that I am good. The most evil creature you can imagine would quail in their boots on hearing some of the things I've done," he told her, "However, I'm no mad monster. I have learned that a bit of pain and discomfort in a mix of gained wisdom, enlightenment and self-discovery tend to cement the lesson better and even have many returning for more, so while I may put the thumbscrews to you, you'll get far more for the action than you suffer. I'm not stupid enough to do something that would make you my blood enemy. Make you cringe when I enter the room, or speak, yes, but not enough to have you running for cover. It isn't as much fun to have everyone flee in terror, when I can have them all standing resolutely expecting the worst. And then stand around more and wonder where and whom the lance actually struck."

"That does not sit well with me," Luna warned, "It will be an even greater carbuncle for my sister."

"Then my job with her is done," he said and grinned, "Likewise, the Elf-Queen, unless you and your sister can banish her from all the realms, I will kill her. I haven't liked elves from three cycles of the multiverse back, I have ample proof the breed has not improved since then."

"Life and death on Equestria are the realm of the pony sisters," Luna warned.

"You would be correct and I would wholly agree with you, if, this were a case of crimes." He gestured at the slowly regenerating dreamscape. "This is war, whether you treat it as such or not, I shall treat it as one."

"Just out of curiosity, what would be your response if I told you 'We will stop you'?" Luna said.

"I would laugh in your face. You will not abandon your ponies to chase after this tormentor of you and them for her protection," he replied, "And if you did, I would ensure they all knew you did, and left them all to her tender care while coddling her. I doubt anything would shake the populace's love for your sister, but that would strain it severely. And, can your reputation stand such a revelation, and what would your sister have to do to either mollify the people or refurbish your reputation?" He shook his head. "I will not let anything stand in the way of downing this foe. That said, I will not blindly carve a path through a dozen ponies to get her. There are always alternatives." He dropped the corpse of the elf-lord on the ground, letting it fade away. The one he'd constricted to death while they were chatting "And I can easily bypass anything you envision," he warned, "But I'd prefer not to."

"You offer with one hoof, and take away with the other," Luna said, "That does not give me confidence in your behavior going forward."

"I can control my impulses, now and going forward," he said, "Besides, I needed to paint myself in the worst light, and see if you would be reasonable. Even with your exhaustion, you've heard no reports of my depredations, either here or in the waking world, so you are merely uneasy, not preparing a jihad against me. Even I couldn't be so subtle that you'd miss me, if I was doing anything to attract your attention. The side-effects of a cover-up would attract as much attention as an open attack."

"Again, you are not giving me confidence in how safe you are to my charges," Luna said.

"True enough. But your uncertainty is sufficient 'evil' for me, and if you are looking for me, you are also looking for our foe. So by restoring you to fighting trim, revealing my motives, and my mission, my cause advances on multiple fronts," the dragon said, "I will enjoy leaving here, as we would both agree that I do not belong here. But with the foe you face, I will remain a stalwart ally, if one that makes you shake your head, and look over your shoulder. I'm not nice. I'm not good or particularly harmonious. But I am vastly better than the alternative."

"The alternative is Discord," Luna told him, "And I doubt very much you'd relish facing him."

The dragon shrugged and resumed the guise of the dowdy mare. "I don't know. From what little I picked up, being boring would be an excellent defense. If you don't react to his escalations, he gives up and goes away. Well, you need rest, and I have my own business to attend to. Loopholes don't make themselves." With that he left. Returning to his own dreamspace and verifying the defenses were adequate to dissuade Luna's intrusion, he couldn't keep her out, but he could convince her not to stay.

4) Luna Drops the Soap, Then the Hammer

Luna Drops the Soap, Then the Hammer
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

As predicted, she'd tracked him down and surveyed the 'Rommel's asparagus', redoubts, and various warning signs that notified of minefields, financial audits, and disgronified insegrevious fields. The one gate that seemed both weakly guarded and isolated, unfortunately drew her attention. The small podium had a tea cup full of delicious smelling tea on it. Hidden behind a thick layer of glass was a cardboard box labeled in all sides 'emergency use only'. On closer examination the tea cup read 'to open' around the rim. She drank the tea and proceeded to the door.

What descended on her was worse than Nightmare. She saw how small and insignificant she was to the greater universe beyond. And how small and even trivial that universe was in the ebb and flow of universes birthing, aging, and dying to be reborn across the vast multiverse. She fully understood she would never be as beloved and respected as her sister. Not now, not ever, even when the mere thousand years was an eyeblink of a difference, she would be the inferior. In fact it was doubtful she would escape the shadows of Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadence. She comprehended that she would outlive all her friends, any suitors, and even the planet of Equestria, dying old when this universe itself died and was reborn. She understood that her achievements were a mockery of the power and ability she had been given unearned and undeserving, that all she had accomplished was an anthill compared to the towering mountain that she could have. She understood she had never been truly good, and even as Nightmare, truly evil. She had been a tepid, insipid dilettante at both, without the confidence to truly embrace either end of the spectrum, too dependent on appearing to be one or the other to truly embrace being one or the other. She also realized that this was an emergency.

As she walked, she was aware that every displaced stone and current of air had the faintest chance to prevent the rise of a great artist who would exalt the pony condition to heights undreamed of, and that those same displacements could unleash a monster of a pony beyond what would curdle Sombra's darkened soul. That with every breath a bacterium that had survived from the dawn of its species could be snuffed out in her body's defenses. She realized that every moment she dallied here, she was abandoning her ponies to the cruel agents of a heartless monster.

The glass shattered, leaving thousands of shards that could cut an unsuspecting pony to the quick, that the effort of the one who've poured and tempered it with his own sweat perhaps, had been undone by her selfish need. The cardboard was discarded, it fell to crush an insect or tiny sentient exploring from another realm, the loss of a race of friends and allies who would never know the fate of the lost one and would pine away awaiting his return, never risking to investigate.

The taste of peppermint schnapps and butterscotch rum jolted her thoughts out of the death spiral they'd been descending into, and the 3 quarts of alcohol in her empty stomach hit like a thunderbolt. She received one more revelation before she vomited it all up, and the alcohol scourged clean the less voluminous forces of the tea. 'I really should leave.'

She was at the tail end of the dry heaves when she left his dreamspace and he noted she'd completely missed the sign reading 'Tradesmen use the Servants entrance', and investigating it. He knew the tea there was far less entertaining and dangerous.

Luna returned to the walking world, braced herself for a hangover of epic proportions, and was relieved that none came. The less said about the lingering aftertaste of peppermint schnapps mixed with butterscotch rum, the better. A small price to pay, she thought then shuddered at the revelations she'd been granted on drinking that tea, They are all true, but I think I'd rather not know them.

That revelation hit her like a thunderbolt. That's what he meant by pain causing growth, she thought and grinned, That is an evil that I think could be acceptable. If not to Celestia, then Twilight and Cadence should be agreeable, and even if I am overshadowed by all the others I think those two still see me as senior, and Celestia will listen to the three of us.

Her thoughts resolved, she headed for the Day Court, accelerating to a dead run at the sound of combat. Or more accurately, the sound of the guards in armor bouncing off the walls. The sight of Blueblood battered, bruised and bloody would normally be a daydream she could never have, but when the Prince stood at the locked doors to the court, as a bulwark between his beloved Auntie and another of these foul imposters Schadenfreude could not take hold.

The Prince proved his lineage and his diploma from the School for Gifted Unicorns, by weathering another blast from the sleek, blue-and-white, incredibly handsome, incredibly masculine, and incredibly DEAD for messing with her mind alicorn stallion.

"Celestia shall be my waifu!" he shouted.

Luna considered it an act worthy of Nightmare Moon, but she could easily justify it as defending her sister, their subjects and their kingdom. She duplicated the enchantment of the tea, and cast it on the alicorn.

After several minutes of the most ungodly, horrific whimpering, enough guards had returned to consciousness to take the wretched creature to the dismissal chamber. She actually expected Blueblood to challenge for the crown of 'Most Despised and Pathetic', but he'd taken the easy way out: as soon as the alicorn was neutralized, he'd fainted. More charitably, he'd passed out from shock and exhaustion. She ordered all the wounded taken to the infirmary before neutralizing the spells holding the doors closed. "I am Diarch of Equestria, I bid you open!"

"Sister," Luna said as she entered the court itself, glancing at the huddled masses of the nobles, marked who had armed themselves to defend and who merely cowered. Most she had predicted, but there were anomalies in both camps, that on any other day would have stunned her.

But today is a very different day, she thought as she approached their thrones.

She carefully approached a rather shell-shocked Celestia and explained, "I may have found the source of these villains. And an ally against that source." She nuzzled Celestia, and the answering forelegs and wings' glomp disconcerted her.

"They're in my bedchamber now," Celestia said.

Any guilt Luna felt at the tea spell burned away like a snowflake on the sun.

Twilight felt more free and clear of thought than she ever had before. The occasional invasions of Ponyville had been irritating. The attack on Celestia by these invaders had her through angry, furious and insane, and out the other side where thoughts ran like crystal springs and limitations were for other ponies. She was glad that Luna and Cadence were taking the lead on this. She knew what she came up with would be brilliant, simple and effective. It would also get her a free trip to the statue garden when both she and Celestia returned to their senses.

"The Elf-Queen has no doubt sent these bronies out to attack the Bearers and now Celestia," Luna said.

"If this new friend of yours can be trusted," Cadence pointed out.

"It's an odd thing," Luna admitted, "In a casual conversation, I believe that you would be best discounting anything he said, until you verified it, even the sky being blue, but on this I think he was completely accurate."

"He still sounds like an evil force," Celestia said.

It pained Twilight that her mentor seemed so nervous about things. Celestia had always been her rock, now she seemed so uncertain, and frightened. More like a filly on her first ice skates that the mare she is, Twilight thought.

"He would agree completely," Luna replied, "Even congratulate you on your perspicacity, but at the same time, I think he can be trusted in this. If he swept into your bedchamber, he'd likely put on dab of white paint on the wall and tell you that it would eventually drive you mad searching for it to correct it. When the brush was dry the entire time."

Cadence snickered. "I'll take that kind of evil over who we've faced over the past months. I also suspect that the dragon that pony reported seeing at the death of Tirek was our friend," Cadence said, "So he's already done two good turns for Equestria. Small price to pay for a jack-in-the-box who might turn up shouting 'Boo'." She glanced at Celestia. "Somehow, I doubt he'd consider scaring you 'sporting' in your current state. Although he might coil around your bed and explain he was awaiting lunch delivery."

"Very apropos," Luna said.

"So if he's going to deal with the Elf-Queen, and he seems to have given you the upperhoof in dealing with the dream invaders," Twilight said, "What are we here to discuss and plan for?"

"That these invaders are getting more aggressive." Luna couldn't have picked a better phrase to snap Twilight out of her mental state. She instantly understood all that implied, and that she and her friends were all in danger.

"They'd come after . . . us, the same way?" she asked, instantly understanding Celestia's nervousness.

"Likely. There are defenses, our artisans are placing them in my and Celestia's bedchambers, and a team has been dispatched to Ponyville to determine which of your homes can be so fortified," Luna said, "Without her agents spying on the dreams of ponies, it is unlikely they could be as precise as the recent arrival was. But if we haven't found all of them, they could be funneling the Queen new information."

"That black alicorn who ran away," Twilight said.

"Unusual that," Luna said, "But less of a problem I think, they are never so indirect nor are they concerned about the opinions and desires of others. I will inform our friend, and see what can be done."

"If he's well enough behaved to not want a confrontation," Cadence said, "Maybe we should leave him alone. He's the only one who we've had to set up a dragnet for."

"So you'd ensnare him in a dragon-net?" Luna asked, eliciting a faint smile from Celestia, "There is the possibility that one of these 'bronies' actually believes 'love and Harmony' have nonphysical components."

"You mean he's the only one not acting like a filly in her first heat," Cadence said, "Fortunately, there've been none in the Crystal Empire, or Shining has dealt with them so quickly, I never heard about it."

"They aren't exactly subtle," Twilight said, grimacing about her encounters.

"Could that alicorn have been a changeling?" Celestia said, "Trying out something new?"

"That would explain why he ran away, but not how he outflew Rainbow Dash," Twilight said, "Not only speed, but altitude."

"The real problem remains: the Elf-Queen sending these creatures. To wit: what was she offering them? If not for their inexperience using their powers, we would have been overwhelmed time and time again," Luna told them.

"What could she possibly be using to power such mighty transformations?" Celestia asked, slowly drawing out of her shell, "If my dreams are any indication, she is not that formidable personally."

Twilight cleared her throat. "Since these 'bronies' don't dream, that may be what's powering them, their ability to dream, and their belief in themselves and the strength of their desires."

"They are so strong because they think we are less real?" Celestia asked, she looked over at Luna, "That may explain your ally. As dark as he proudly is, he may believe in friendship as powerfully as we do." She nuzzled Luna. "I trust my sister. Do what you need do. If it protects our ponies, I will learn to live with it."

Sergeant Posey Blossom of the Los Pegasus Police and Guard felt she was walking on a cloud. The only dark part that promised a silver lining was her coltfriend had been abused and lied to so horribly. She knew mares who played such games with a string of stallions who never could be more than beasts of burden for them, or emotional dumping grounds for the travails of the day. She'd despised such mares. The irony of being an 'honorary stallion' among the police was she could see their troubles, revealed only over a cup of cider among other stallions, then laughed off as his problem with some advice and gentle ribbing. It came as no shock that some of that advice was bubbling through her mind now. How to approach a stallion who had been treated that way, letting him know how interested she was, without scaring him the other way.

That she spotted him surrounded by a few other police mares gave Posey some worries. Then she overheard the conversation. "Agamid Don, we need more than that."

"Yes, I never got his name, but you all frequented his shop," Don told them, "He must have given you some clues about where he might have to run off to. I can run the shop, but it really isn't mine."

Posey relaxed as she realized they were here as part of a missing persons investigation. "His name was Recurring Snow," she said, "And he had a mountain with layered snowlines as his cutie mark."

She looked over at Agamid's flank, and frowned. He looked over and frowned. "It's a dog's nose, my sense of smell is particularly acute. Of course it's all in black, so it's impossible to see normally."

"How does that segueway into a baker?" Lt. Rosethorn asked, "And how does that do with your name?"

"I cook by smell rather than taste," he explained, "As for the name, dragons have the best sense of smell of the various races, and mine is even more 'educated' than that. I'm just glad my parents didn't name me Turkey Vulture, or Bloodhound."

That got them all laughing. Rosethorn collected the others with a glance. "We have enough to start looking. I just hope he didn't run into that Tirek creep." She gave Posey a saucy wink and a quick flip of her tail that had Posey blushing furiously.

At remembering their encounter with Tirek, Posey and Don both cringed and watched the others go. He very ostensibly sniffed her. "You missed me," he replied.

She blushed right down to her fetlocks.

He stared at her, then covered his mouth. "Fancy shampoo," he exclaimed.

She relaxed, and reminded herself how cute he looked when he was embarrassed. She kissed his muzzle and smiled. "Maybe you can sniff out a good restaurant."

He glanced at the watch on his foreleg. "Well, I go for the food, not the fanciness, so if you don't mind a good hole-in-the-wall, I'm your stallion," Don said.

You certainly are, she thought as she nodded and followed him. She remembered that despite how cute and fluffy he looked, there was a body beneath that fluff that would put most guards to shame. She nearly facehoofed as she realized that he moved heavy objects all the time, so being built like a mountain hoss was perfectly reasonable.

5) Winona Leads the Way

Winona Leads the Way
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Applejack wasn't happy that she'd been sent away from her farm to check on the alicorn she and Pinkie had seen. That Winona had jumped onto the train after her had caused a bit of consternation, Applejack had never seen Winona act like that before.

Maybe his special powers are dealing with dogs, Applejack thought as she noted that Pinkie was staring out the train's windows, instead of talking a mile a minute about throwing the alicorn a party, or finish the party she'd been warming up to throw when he vamoosed. Normally, she left Pinkie to be Pinkie, as any sane mare would, but a quiet Pinkie just seemed wrong on so many levels. "You okay in there?" Applejack asked, and braced for any reaction from a word-salad storm, to her head rotating all the way around. The soft sigh was far more frightening that the spinning head.

"Was it the offer of the party, or calling him an alicorn that he said was so insulting?" Pinkie said and sighed again, "Or was it both?"

This was not Applejack's field, applying common sense to Pinkie's moods was always problematic to hazardous. "Considering the varmints we've been saddled with -"

"Almost saddled by," Pinkie added.

"Yep, he coulda taken that as us calling him one of those galoots," Applejack said, then frowned, "And I'll apologize to him when we catch up ta him. What I can't figure is why he led Winona out of the Everfree. If'n he was one of them polecats, why do somethin' nice, and not take advantage of it?"

"You suppose he really is nice?" Pinkie asked, turning to look at Applejack.

"I'd rather bet he's a dragon in disguise," Applejack said, and she and Pinkie shared a laugh about that.

Posey had never heard of Prance-Neighponese cuisine. It was a lot of noodles made from various exotic ingredients, so a simple noodle salad was a symphony of tastes. The place itself looked like it had been the living room of somepony's house, converted to seat patrons. It would never grace a foodie magazine, but it was still a wonderful experience. "What made you think my name was Squeaky?" she asked of the offhoof comment by her colt friend.

He smiled and paid the waiter, giving a generous tip. "Oh well, perhaps I should explain it."

"Yes," she said.

"Your apartment I think, the health inspector wouldn't like it in a bakery, and demonstrating on this table might get us thrown out of the restaurant." He paused to let the implication sink in, and her to blush crimson. "And before you threaten me into silence, your colleagues already know. It was an interrogation room after all."

Only his gentle kiss on the forehead kept her from curling up and crawling for the door in embarrassment.

Applejack let Winona lead them, she seemed to know where she was going in this chaotic, crowded and overly loud city. She would dash ahead, then wait for Pinkie and Applejack to catch up, then happily bark and race ahead, sniffing the air, sniffing the ground, and drawn inexorably towards whatever her goal was. "I hope she's got a better idea of how to find that alicorn than I do," Applejack muttered. She glanced at Pinkie who was acting a little Pinkier, but was acting more like Mayor Mare or Celestia than Pinkie Pie.

Too serious, Applejack thought, But no twitches or hair signals, so it's not Pinkie sense. She discarded the idea and continued letting Winona lead them. "Ya'all have any guesses why them varmints are all coming after Ponyville. I know Rarity's a looker, but ah'm as dull as dishwater, and they were comin' after me too."

"Element Bearers," Pinkie said, and kept walking, "That's part of what's bothering me. Why the Element Bearers and not Luna or Cadence who are stronger than we are?"

"They hate harmony?" Applejack offered, "It's all I kin think of."

"Or is it they want more harmonious ponies," Pinkie said, "What if they are Element Bearers, just really different elements."

"From the way some of them talked, about us, and what we were going ta do, I can imagine it ain't Harmony them all are the Bearers of," Applejack said as Winona stopped in front of an apartment building and stared at it.

"This place looks way too working class to be where one of those varmints would hole up," Applejack said.

"Maybe that black one would hide where no one would expect to find him," Pinkie said.

Applejack waited for the 'hide and seek' reference, and was a little worried it never came. "So, walk on in and start nosing around?" Applejack asked, "We are supposed to find him."

"Yeah," Pinkie said quietly, "I just wonder, if he's like Cranky, not hurting anypony, and just wants to be left alone. I was able to get Cranky to be my friend by finding his old flame. But, it's like that alicorn wasn't there. There was no him, despite him standing there. Everybody wants friends, because they complete you. He seemed, a little too complete, if you take my meaning. He didn't need friends or anything else. It was sad, and a little frightening at the same time."

"Isn't that how Celestia is?" Applejack asked.

"No, she needed Luna, and she wanted friends," Pinkie said and waved her hooves vaguely, "This is like, I don't know, imagine Nightmare Moon, who just wanted to stand around and watch. Not do anything, not even be recognized as Nightmare Moon." Pinkie frowned. "Sorry for not making any sense, but it doesn't make sense to me. Some ponies say they don't want friends, because they've been hurt by friends. But I can't wrap my head around something not actually needing friends. Even Opal likes Rarity, although if she could talk she'd deny it. But him, the more I've thought about it, the more I understand he doesn't need friendship." Pinkie looked at Applejack. "How is that even possible?"

"I think you hit the nail on the head, and passed it right by," Applejack said as she opened the door for Winona, "He don't need'em, but by running off when he thought we might see him as one of those bad alicorns, he might still want'em."

Pinkie's face screwed up in confusion as she followed Applejack and a frantically sniffing Winona.

"That's why I call you 'Squeaky'," he said as he snuggled close and let her wrap herself around him.

She felt utterly spent, and so strong she could race to the Canterhorn and back between heartbeats. A small part of her mind that was ever and always a cop kept asking what his angle was. A stallion like him could have any mare he wanted, why settle for her.

"And I enjoy making you squeak."

Her inner, hard-boiled cop quadruple facehooved and started banging her head on the wall. She felt him moving her tail out of the way.

"More squeakies," he said as that tongue and those incredibly nimble teeth began promising things that the very gods would envy.

But her inner cop had a point, for a different reason. "Cheddar Cheese," she said and he stopped, looking a little confused.

"I've got to be able to walk my beat in three hours and you open your store in two," she said gathering him in to snuggle against her, which she enjoyed almost as much as he did. For a while she was quiescent, her cop accepting that she wasn't bad looking, and a friendly cop would be a good defense against a magistrate looking for the return of 'her' stallion. Or maybe the funny noises really do amuse him, she thought and had her inner cop banging out the Anvil Chorus with her head. The one nagging thing she had to ask, was why he didn't want reciprocation. He was well favored, and although well past high school, where every stallion wanted mares, he hadn't even tried. Focusing on her pleasure and ignoring his own. She lay there luxuriating in the feeling, but uncertain how to broach the subject without an absolute avalanche of other problems. She decided to let the softness of the fur, and the firmness of the body beneath it silence all her questions while she dozed in his arms.

Winona stopped in front of a door, and seemed to lose her noisy enthusiasm, in fact she had no problem with Applejack clipping the leash on her. Pinkie seemed to be twitching, and so Applejack waited til it was over. "Do we knock?" Applejack asked, it was early evening, and the idea that they could be asleep had occurred and was rejected.

"No," Pinkie said quietly, "We wait outside and watch. There's something, it's not a doozy, but it's important, and something will fall on us if we go through that door."

Applejack accepted and she led the more quiescent Winona back down the hall to the elevator they'd used earlier. "This is getting really strange," she admitted.

"How do you think I feel?" Pinkie said, "I'm just glad that they tried that trick with Celestia first. The poor Cakes would have had a heart attack if that would have happened to me."

"Why ya'all think they got - " she glanced around to ensure they were alone before continuing, "The belief that they're entitled ta us?"

Pinkie shrugged and waited until they got into the empty elevator to answer. "They're all crazy?" Pinkie offered and Applejack had to agree.

She looked at her two companions on this 'quest' and thought, The one they we're chasing wasn't anything like the dozens who'd been showing up in Ponyville over the last months. We might be poking a hornets' nest with a real short stick. She looked at Winona, and considered how to make that stick a lot longer, and more precise.

"Let's get some food and then we can think about what to do next," Applejack suggested, "If this place is like Manehatten there should be something good close enough to watch the buildin'."

Pinkie nodded as they left the elevator and headed toward the building's exit.

Winona 'alerted' at a black Earth pony who walked down the street out of the apartment building. Pinkie saw that while he was courteous and deferential, it was because he chose to act that way, it seemed to be a party game he was playing, the real him might have been as majestic and commanding as Celestia. Pinkie put on her deerstalker's cap, and headed after him. "He already knows we're here," he told Applejack over her shoulder, and followed him into . . . a doughnut shop. "Impossible," Pinkie breathed as she galloped up and plastered her face on the window. It was beautiful! So organized, and clean, it served coffee, which was a detraction, and it was mainly open at night, but that made sense in a big city. She wiped the window where her breath had fogged it and stared more. Even Applejack tugging at her tail couldn't dislodge her, until the stallion came out, turned her head slightly and broke the suction. Unfortunately Applejack had been quite a distance away so when Pinkie went flying, she took Applejack with, and the two were a few blocks away after several moments.

"I hope those trash cans were that dented before we got here," she commented as she tried to pry Applejack out of another one.

Applejack stared at her woozily. "Granny, there's no school today, it's Sunday."

Winona had approached, but stopped a considerable distance away and seemed to be shying at every breeze that put her down wind.

"Yeah, a bath is a good idea," she admitted, "We should have gotten a place to stay first. We're never gonna get one now."

"Police station," Applejack said, and stared at Pinkie as if trying to force multiple images back into one, "We are working for Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, ya know?"

Pinkie started to facehoof, looked at what was on that hoof and just shrugged. "Yeah, maybe they can call the fire department and have them hose us off. I mean who mixes banana peels and nitroguanidine?"

"The Las Pegasus Alchemic Buereau?" Applejack said.

"Yeah, that'd be one group? How'd you figure that out?" Pinkie asked.

Applejack did an almost face hoof, curled her lip at what was glowing on her hoof, and pointed at the battered sign reading 'Las Pegasus Alchemic Buereau, visitors welcome, solicitors will be experimented upon, grammar nazis will be fed to the glockenspiel'.

"Woo-ow, we have to call Fluttershy! They've been able to keep a glockenspiel in captivity! That's amazing. You see, they almost died out, ponies kept using their rib cages as musical instruments, like the poor A' Phìob Mhòr , hunted to death for their pelts to make bagpipes." Pinkie shut then covered her mouth at the threat of Applejack inserting her hoof in it. "Shutting up now."

Finding Princess Cadence and a few Crystal Guards already at the local police station was a surprise, but why she was there made sense. "They were investigating Tirek," Cadence said as she helped wash Pinkie and Applejack clean off. The clip on her nose made her sound funny. The Crystal Pony who collected the foul-smelling goop had muttered something about harmless riot control, before descending into full blown 'Twilight (or Rainbow) with a new book' mode, making her immune to the smell.

"The pony who defeated him, my team interviewed and all of the victims saw weird visions when they were drained, so the sighting we have of the black alicorn was probably induced by that pony seeing a wanted poster of the black alicorn."

"So we're back to square one," Pinkie said.

"We still have Winona," Applejack said, "She seems bound and determined to take the critter down."

"Do you have any idea why?" Cadence asked.

"He led her out of the Everfree, gratitude maybe, or maybe he smells right," Applejack said as she rinsed off and smelled like a pony again, "I wish I could ask."

"Maybe Twilight's machines could, shutting up now," Pinkie said.

"I was thinkin' Fluttershy, " Applejack said, "But after what happened to Celestia, she's hidin' out with some of her animal friends. The big ones, with lots of teeth."

"She'll be safe in her cottage soon," Cadence said, "Luna hunted down the last of the elves hiding in pony dreams and spying on us. With luck, they won't even be able to find Equestria, let alone Ponyville."

"That sounds a bit too much like Twi's 'brilliant' plan with the Parasprites," Applejack said, "Sure it lets us rest, but who besides us or the Princesses can deal with those things?"

Cadence gulped, but nodded. "Let's hope that we have other means to deal with them. Or that they'll just want to get to Canterlot or Ponyville." She saw neither of the others were buying it. "Applejack, Pinkie Pie we haven't figured out why they are coming here, the explanations are either ludicrous, gibberish, or both. It's as if they don't fully understand themselves. But one thing they do make clear, we aren't real to them. That's the dictionary definition of a psychopath. They don't see others as real 'people'. Tirek saw ponies as an energy source and something to rule over. He at least gave them value. For most of these alicorns, ponies are toys for foals, and they are almost without exception foals in all but name and power. Twilight hasn't shared this with you, because we didn't share it with her, until just recently. Initially, we didn't know, then we didn't believe it. But an ally who gave Luna a new spell to use on them, we were able to drive one into enough of a state that we were finally able to talk to it. Although it seems once they actually realize that we are people, they sort of collapsed inside. So we sent that one home before he could really give us all the information we need."

"Seems a might ways cruel," Applejack said.

"They'll survive, he used it on Luna first." Cadence ignored the gaps. "She said 'once you're through it, it is actually very insightful.' Although Luna didn't want to talk about what those insights were, nor did she recommend being subjected to the spell without a fair amount of alcohol or something similar to hoof."

"Sounds like somethin' ta avoid," Applejack said.

"I think the alicorn who broke into Celestia's bedchambers while she was napping would agree with you wholeheartedly," Cadence said, "Although Luna didn't give him anything to deaden the pain."

"Yay Luna," Pinkie said, "But what about the black alicorn? The one we were sent to investigate?"

"All we know is there was a report of him being seen, but it was from one of Tirek's victims being attacked. So it's hardly credible, even the witness said that. Oh, Sergeant Posey Blossom!" Cadence hailed the Guard who'd wandered into sight.

She was one of those mares who aside from a few curves and a rounder face, would have been a striking stallion. In both the attraction and the punching meaning. She looked like she could have hoof-wrestled Big Mac and lost only after he really exerted himself. She was also had the aura of a mare who really enjoyed her coltfriend. Cadence grinned to Applejack and Pinkie before returning to 'princess mode'.

"Princess Cadence, I was told to expect you and, oh you must be Applejack and Pinkie Pie, I've read quite a bit about you." She patted Winona on the head, and accepted the answering lick. "I should introduce you to Don, he was just joking about nearly being named 'Bloodhound' due to his sense of smell." Winona wagged her tail at Posey.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to limit my questions to your encounter with Tirek," Cadence said.

Pinkie waved and began moving off. "Glad to have met you," Pinkie said.

6) Bearding the Villain in His Lair

Bearding the Villain in His Lair
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Applejack and Winona followed suit. "Don't want to hear about it?" Applejack asked.

"Not when he got squashed. Yeah, he hurt a lot of ponies, but squashed?" Pinkie said, and exited the police station and headed straight back toward the doughnut shop she'd stopped at earlier.

"Don't get your face too close to the glass this time," Applejack warned and put a leash on Winona, who seemed as eager as Pinkie to return to the place.

"Naw, they're open, so we can go inside and look," Pinkie said and entered along with over a dozen police and half that number of alchemists. She and Applejack waited their turns and ordered. Winona letting out the occasional happy bark at seeing the owner, a very large, jet black Earth Pony stallion who looked like he was having the time of his life filling orders and kibitzing with the customers. "Apple fritter, with a side of tea, green jasmine," he said looking at Applejack and then looked at Pinkie, "Oh a tough one. Death by Chocolate with a chocolate milk."

Pinkie's jaw dropped. "How, who, what told you?"

"Oh, I'm getting better at reading the customers. Now I know you wanted to try some of the Star Shatter tea, but unless you're trying to stay awake really hard, I wouldn't," he said, then grinned, "Besides I recognize the scion of Sweet Apple Acres, and the Ponyville Party Maven, everypony knows the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony."

Applejack giggled at Pinkie's reaction. "Well, if'n I ordered the orange marmalade filled?"

"You'd get it," he said as he took the bits and gave them their orders. He nodded and started working the same trick with another customer, only this time it was a regular, so it was just good memory.

Applejack bit into the fritter and her world lurched. The apples were Sweet Apple Acres sourced, but the fritters she and even Granny made with them were pale imitations of the wonderful taste in her mouth. She was briefly torn between ordering another, or demanding the recipe. She turned to Pinkie for advice, but Pinkie's eyes were closed and there were tears streaming down her cheeks. "Pinkie?" Applejack asked and the mare held the half-eaten doughnut.

"This is what chocolate is supposed to be," Pinkie said quietly, "This is chocolate perfection. This is what it means to be chocolate."

Applejack glanced at the fritter and sighed. "Yeah."

Only Winona's happy barking brought Applejack and Pinkie out of their funk. Agamid Don was bringing a bowl of something for Winona and a smile for Applejack and Pinkie. "I think you've found out why so many people come in every day," the stallion said as he petted Winona, who would have jumped into his lap if he'd had one at the moment.

"She seems to like you," Applejack noted.

"There's no accounting for taste," he said and endured a furious licking from Winona, "I don't think that's what is meant by that. So what're you heroes here for? Savage monsters from the depth of time? Checking up on the reputation of Equestria's most famous apples? Industrial espionage?" He directed the last at Pinkie. "I saw you trying to eat your way through my window earlier."

Applejack couldn't help herself, she laughed at mental the image of Pinkie, Daring Doo style, trying to sneak in and steal the secret plans.

"No," Applejack ignored Pinkie's frantic denials, "You heard about the alicorn sightings, we're just following up on one who got away."

" 'Got away', don't they all basically want one thing?" he asked, "And beg pardon for asking, was one able to, ahem, accomplish the goal in a more than satisfactory, perhaps even salutary manner, so recurrence would be desired instead of abhorrent?"

Pinkie gasped and fell over. Several of the cops immediately facehoofed. Applejack understood the words but the concept still left her boggled. "No," she managed, "We're just keeping track of all of them."

Don nodded. "Well can I get you anything, besides the location of that alicorn and my recipes?"

"Y'all can make the marmalade-filled?" Applejack asked sheepishly.

"I can do anything," he said, "It's just that sometimes I don't. Or people beg me not to," he said, and announced, "Back in a moment." He stepped into the back where the workers were refilling the trays.

"Orange marmalade?" Pinkie asked and rubbed her hooves at discovering one of Applejack's darkest secrets.

"Ah am related to my cousins, the Oranges," Applejack said defensively. Still it was all Pinkie could do not to twirl her mustache.

A bit later, Don returned with a doughnut on a tray, and a sheet of paper. "There you go, on the house." He dangled the paper in front of Pinkie. "You don't breathe a word of where you got this." He handed the paper to Applejack. "And maybe, she'll let you study it."

Applejack twirled 'her mustache' and grinned at Pinkie who was nearly salivating at the recipe.

"Glad to meet you both, but customers wait for nopony," he said and headed off to start filling orders again.

Applejack carefully folded up the recipe and put it in her hat. "Let's go Pinkie."

Pinkie whined and pointed at her hat.

"Ain't heard no Pinkie Promise, nor any kind a promise," Applejack said as they headed back onto the street. Winona following at Applejack's heels.

Once they were some distance away, they stopped, Pinkie started a Pinkie Promise, but Applejack interrupted, "Either that was the alicorn, or he was in there working behind the scenes."

Pinkie put her hoof on Applejack's forehead. "Hmm, no fever, you must have just gone crazy," Pinkie said.

Applejack swept her hoof away. "Think about an alicorn with a baking cutie mark," Applejack said, "Maybe he wanted to tie in with the Cake's operation, or just set up shop. Those doughnuts were too good to be true." Applejack glanced around. "Unless lots of magic was involved."

Pinkie considered. "As another baker, I find myself drawn to that answer, rather than I'm that poor a baker in comparison. But if Don was cutie marked to be a baker, instead of . . . no, the Cakes have baking cutie marks, and even their specialties aren't as delicious as that." Pinkie sat on her haunches and massaged her mane. "No, it makes sense," Pinkie said and stared at Applejack, "And Winona agrees. So who do we tell?"

"Everyprincess," Applejack said, "Now."

It was closing time, so he shooed the last patrons out. He'd already congratulated the 'staff', and gotten from the alchemists a few 'luxury food' items. Which he'd prepared with his own hooves. He wasn't as good as they were, but the idea that 'the master' would serve the servants was a new experience for them.

He enjoyed having thrown their world view a little off-kilter, and was surprised to find Posey, in uniform, outside the store. "Is this a polite way of telling me I'm under arrest?" he asked, "Lewd and lascivious contact with an officer of the law perhaps?"

Posey laughed and shook her head. "No, I just got off shift and wondered if I could find a brave, strong pony to walk me home."

"I know I have a mirror around here somewhere," he said, making her laugh.

"You nut," she said and kissed him on the muzzle. The guard charging towards them put a damper on things.

"Sergeant, I know you just got off shift, but Princess Cadence, Applejack and Pinkie Pie need to talk to both of you about Tirek. It seems something's come up," the guard said while holding her salute.

Posey saluted back, then sighed. "No rest for the weary."

"It's an old interrogation trick: you tire them out, then question them," he whispered to her.

"You watch too many spy movies," she said and brushed his muzzle with her hoof.

Old instincts died hard, and his were still first rate. When the building dropped on them, neither he nor the two guards were directly under it. But the brickwork split at the mortar and sent piece flying in all directions. He hadn't had time to erect a shield strong enough to fully protect them. Buildings rarely attacked out of the blue, so he raised a stronger one the instant he could. His durability let him weather the storm of masonry with little problem. The two guards were less lucky. The interrupter had a few bruises and a concussion, even local healing would take care of that.

He looked down at the broken form of Posey Blossom. He knew he couldn't feel 'friendship' as the ponies did, but he could value relationships, and dragons hoarded what was valuable. The relationship with this mare was valuable above pearls of any price.

He was no healer, but he knew enough. In an instant she was restored enough that she would recover. He looked into the sky and the four alicorns who seemed to be dropping pieces of buildings on the screaming populace for their own amusement stood out against the sky. Although he whispered, the rage he felt would have killed, "That's enough, by Yig that's enough!"

He ditched his disguise and launched himself into the air, accelerating as he did.

Luna had arrived after Cadence and regretted her delay immediately and deeply. As much as Shining Armor had trained his bride, she was no match for four of them.

Especially four who seem to hold pony lives in such low regard, she thought, the arrival of a fifth sank Luna's spirits. Then she realized he was against them. Hope flared then died as she watched the newcomer's attack. Brave, but foolish, taking off under a strafing attack would be a good way to win the Equestrian Cross, she thought as the black alicorn vertically climbed streaming into the midst of the quartet, It's an even a better way to get killed.

As she prepared to join the unequal fray, she watched as the black alicorn performed a Luft Berry turn which not only moved him from in front of all four, to behind most, but beside one at close range.

"Even the wingmasters can't perform that turn in a climb, it's physically impossible, especially at 50 feet," the captain of her batpony guards exclaimed as they took to the air with their liege.

"You just saw it done," Luna replied as the black alicorn ripped off the wing and crushed the horn of the nearest alicorn, sending the villain screaming to the ground. The other three stared in shock, then attacked. Luna had watched the Earth pony guards' practice, and that their strength regularly broke armor that pegasi would consider too heavy for flight. She rarely considered what that strength would do in the air. Landing a blow that shattered wing bones on one of the alicorns threw the black alicorn backward, but it was just a setup to apple-buck the one behind in the head. The former screamed in terror as he fell, the latter silently dropped. If he would ever rise again was questionable. The last attempted to flee. The black alicorn pursued.

Luna vaguely considered her own pursuit. The black one hadn't even dropped the wounded alicorns on the stricken on the ground, whereas the others had taken great pains to harm her ponies. She left the last one to the black alicorn's tender mercies and descended.

"Let the guards capture those," Luna ordered as she landed, "Let us see to the wounded and the trapped." Cadence landed and apologized.

"If you did your best, you did all that could be expected of you," Luna told her, "And we have much work ahead of us."

The wounded were numerous, and there were many trapped. Many of the building pieces that had been picked up and dropped had been occupied. The princesses worked alongside the others, and Luna was vaguely delighted when the last of the group of alicorns was found, every feather and hair stripped from his body. Even his horn had been unraveled looking more like a tumbleweed than a horn.

Whatever had done it left all four of them alive and utterly traumatized. They rather sheepishly went along with the guards taking them to be banished.

The citizenry had managed to find enough courage to face the day in their damaged city. One of the local restaurateurs had trays of doughnuts and urns of coffee he was passing out to the police and aid workers. He seemed well known to the locals, and his wares rivaled Pony Joe's in Canterlot. The joke that his coffee could raise the dead, and raze the living struck a spark in Luna's mind about tea. But at a quick glance, the baker was gone, and Luna had more pressing problems to pursue.

7) Really Anonymous

Really Anonymous
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Upon my arrival, I looked around at my surroundings. This is clearly not our colony on Sephera 3, I thought as my eyes tried to adjust to the greater light intensity than I'd been briefed about. Aside from the star, and the color of the vegetation, the pex and vulog radiation are wildly varying, something is very wrong.

It has been said that there are things too disturbing and upsetting for the mind of the sane to encompass. I hardly believed it until the events I began chronicling.

Until recently, I was a fairly typical, perhaps sub-average, member of my species. My agile mind made up for physical shortcomings, and an avoidance of more formal scholarship. What interested me, I excelled at; what didn't, I did the minimum necessary. Despite what many have told me, this is a common trait across many species. A Consarkitava hardly studies the trajectory of its lunge, it either collects its prey, or it starves. Yet the same creature will collect shiny things of many colors and obsessively arrange them just so to make a bower to attract a mate. As the day dawned on the flight test, I looked for some way to avoid the drudgery. I was not expecting to fall through a wormhole and find myself elsewhere.

I really would have preferred to complete the flying test.

The cry of rage from my number 3 position indicated a wild animal in some considerable pain.

And I have wandered into its territory, wonderful, I thought as I observed in that direction, while in my numbers 1 and 5 positions appeared more wildlife. Bilateral symmetry? Someone's being artistic, I concluded and moved on my walking tentacles to open the distance. Either sexually dimorphic or two subtly similar species, I thought on scanning their electrical control/response systems and articulation points. Both appeared to be wearing clothing rather that having wildly colored pelts. So, not animals, or very advanced pets, I realized.

That the pair had yet to take notice of me, and the creature from number 3 hadn't appeared, I secreted myself behind some vegetation. Another member of our group tried to 'attack' me with a soft light pulse. It spoke well of its stealth that I hadn't noticed until it fired. Since it continued to fire and move, I assumed these were warning shots of low intensity, but then it showed no hostility, so I reclassified them as some type of game, like pursue, where one of the play group attempts to catch another, and then it is incumbent on that member to catch another.

Then the pex radiation spiked and the more colorful one released an electrical discharge. The target's face twisted into what would be a grimace on face of a Xoth-dweller, but could mean anything. It too generated a pulse of pex, creating a shield that absorbed the blast into itself and grew stronger, not weaker. Very sophisticated manipulation. It then folded itself onto the ground and raised both its upper limbs as high as it could.

Why lower yourself, then reach upward? I considered the baffling display, my 'playmate' fired a bright, soft-light pulse at them, neither reacted with more than a grimace, Ha!, I had guessed right. Oh, more sophisticated, nonverbal communication. I watched as the brightly colored one moved in cautiously, but damped down its pex energies and began making loud noises at the other, utterly ignoring the other who put the light emitter away and brought out what I swear were primitive, writing tools. The absurd notion: this was a mating dance between the original pair, occurred to me. Not unusual, the brightly colored male displaying his prowess to the drab female, I thought, But in a higher-order species, someone is creating sports, or failed to do a better job of purging old instincts.

Then my fremling partner showed up, from position 3 and gave the impression that raising my tentacles in an attempt to duplicate the nonaggression supplication would be useless. If you can sense anger in creatures as alien as these, it is seriously angry. Its pex discharge is weak, diffuse and easily disrupted. To avoid physical confrontation, I launch into the air. My five wings biting the ebb and flow well enough to lift me easily beyond the reach of its limbs, and my own training enough to deflect its pex manipulation. If I'd done the logical thing, and pulled above the canopy of vegetation, things might have occurred very differently, but curiosity kept me close enough to observe the interaction.

It was in the canopy I encountered the last of our group. Similar morphology to the other four, but completely different mentality and psychology. It was hanging onto a tree branch, hissed and swiped at me. I had met small, hunting arboreals who exhibited similar threat displays, and were as trivial. But something that big was clearly a flawed sport. You don't give instincts of a small, hunting arboreal to a creature that size. I did note the vulog-formed claws it manifested. Someone had a very strange sense of humor. And a serious cruel streak inflicting it on a creature.

I glanced down and noted that the other four were arguing. The two drab ones were the loudest and most aggressive, and the brightly colored one seemed to be siding with the first drab one that had initiated nonviolence. 'He-who-writes' tried interjecting, and was roundly ignored. I must apologize that the animal husbandry part of me was intrigued. I realized that the drab ones might be the males of the species, and the brightly colored one might be the female. The realization struck me as I remembered they were wearing clothing, and the coloring was a choice, not an adaptation. If the males were the drab ones, they had selected, or had selected for them, the drab colors as a combat/stalking advantage.

The arboreal made an interrogative noise, waited a moment, then approached. It didn't like my scent, and quickly retreated back to its own branch. It also kept looking at the argument going on down below.

The arrival of the natives put an end to any speculation. Bilateral symmetry, quadrupedal rather than bipedal. Sorry, since upright posture was the only obvious thing I and the others shared, I hadn't mentioned their upright posture with their bipedalism, now that we had quadrupeds to compare I felt that the difference must be described. The natives had primitive weapons and body armor, substantial pex fields around themselves, and unfortunately, yet another alien language that neither I nor the arguers could interpret it. Whatever they ordered was not complied with quickly enough and the quadrupeds employed several pex manipulating devices of significant power. Significant enough that even though the Speciesist arguer threw up his own pex defense, and He-of-nonviolence threw up a defense to cover the four of them, neither proved sufficient. The knots of pex-manipulated energy battered through the first shield, sending He-of-nonviolence staggering, and passed through without restraint the Speciesist's defensive field.

The field quested towards me, and my own manipulations couldn't disrupt it. The Arboreal hissed and fled through the trees. I was about to take to the air and initiate a duplicate escape when the initial pair both screamed in either pain or mortal terror and collapsed writhing on the ground. Seeing that the natives seemed to be as possessed by the energies they were using as the energy was on completing its duty cycle, I had to intervene. I dropped from my perch, spread my wings wide and placed myself close enough to attract and survive the pex energies that were pummeling the pair. With two and five wings wide, and three and four trying to cover the pair, the energies used against them nearly ceased. I could still smell the stench of roasted meat emanating from the pair.

The natives managed to shutdown their attack, and stood in horror at me standing amid their heavy barrage, and the two peacemakers falling under the heaviest and nearly lethal attack. They clearly expected I would be in their victims' situation, yet I was unaffected.

Orders were made and people, I grant them personhood because of their ability to understand the consequences of their actions and empathize with their victims, arrived with stretchers and medical supplies. I noted that the natives while brightly colored to the point of confusion fell into a few broad categories. Winged, horned, neither and the trio of larger examples with both. The Boths were the strongest pex field wielders, and even had some vulog effects in place, or at the ready. The largest seemed genuinely horrified that the attack should have had such a life-threatening effect on someone. Six, smaller ones, the bearers of these weapons clustered around The Largest and chattered in terror, one of the winged, and both of the neithers lacrimating excessively as they spoke. Did the smell of scorched flesh affected them? I noted that during this, the male of the pair had crawled towards the female and gripped her hand in his. He began channeling pex energies, and while all their injuries didn't vanish, enough did before he lost consciousness, that their survival was in doubt rather than the obvious loss it had been previously.

I will admit to some manipulation. The genetic and psychological scans of the two so badly wounded by the natives' barrage demanded it. If they were going to survive here, they needed to change.

I felt the irony of the Speciesist and He-who-writes being so limited in their vulnerability to the natives' weapon deeply. That the two psychologically 'healthiest' by my reckoning were the least by the natives' measure was a fascinating puzzle, and fascinating puzzles always drew me in. I will not claim altruism for my manipulations when I discovered all four of them possessed a chromosomal sequence for a particular metabolism of an enzyme that is as good as a flag saying 'my people were here!' I suspect that on testing, the Arboreal will have it too. They, all four were the product, or likely the descendants of a product of one of our ethical geneticists. One who felt the need to place the proper mark on the work. I can't imagine they were a successful piece of work, but I felt a duty to even these four, obviously sentient, beings, and the Arboreal, if and when it returned.

I have removed several, eh pages, of internal monologue on the possibilities of these creatures' abandonment and concluded that either they are the very distant, fully-sentient and sapient relatives of a form who was distinctly neither. Or they were a more recent development who were released onto a fallow planet to develop on their own. I have that much faith in the basic decency of my own people to come to those conclusions.

The man pulled out the recorder out of the pocket of his seersucker suit, and checked the tape was in it. "There are things that make you question the inherent goodness of man, and at the same time, renew your faith that there is goodness and decency in the world. April 1, 1976, an appropriate day for what became one of the strangest odysseys in this reporter's long career.

"The Windy City had been experiencing a series of storms, unusual at first only in their ferocity, then our staff meteorologist Cameron Burnside began plotting where the most damaging and powerful lighting strikes had occurred, and in that plot, I found a pattern. A circle is what the untrained eye would have seen looking at the result, but a nine-pointed star was what jumped out of the page at me during Cameron's time-lapse assembly. An incomplete nine-pointed star.

"After an argument with my editor Vincenzo, I obtained a decent camera from the photography section and camped out in the approximate location of the last of the expected lightning bursts. While Cameron would have been the choice to document a weather phenomenon of this magnitude, I had a reporter's instinct that this wasn't a series of random events, but directed by some other power. A power that our City Fathers would again sweep under the rug as 'beneath peoples' notice' or other such folderol, but something a good journalist would know the people needed to know about.

"It would become the last serious decision I'd make on Earth for some time.

"The details of my arrival would beggar the imagination of most and would immediately point to the obvious case that I was drinking. Nothing could be further from the truth. To say the companions I'd arrived with were an eye-opener would also be a lie of omission of the most staggering sort. There were only two of us among the group who were psychologically 'normal' and the other member of that fraternity was about as far from physically 'normal' as the rational mind allowed: five, identical sides, tentacles, eyestalks, wings and somehow, somewhere a decent heart." He shut off the recorder and walked after the guards who were removing the fallen. The spear points were real enough that he didn't want to chance that they'd be used.

"People are the same everywhere," he grumbled as he was once again being dragged hither and yon by the inept and obstructive forces of the ruling class.

DISCLAIMER: Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

8) Die To Be of Utility

Die To Be of Utility
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

I was glad they were taking our 'wounded' with some care. The apparent horror on the faces of the natives on the realization that the screams of their victims were not simply existential agony, but the accompanying smell of cooked/burning meat was a direct result of their actions. Even the Speciesists seemed disconcerted by the violent reaction of the pair to the attack. I suspect that the technique was meant as a 'police' action, intent on subdual and capture for later questioning and perhaps trial. The idea that it had suddenly become a military one, where the aim was to injure or kill, barring intervention such as I provided, seemed to have stricken the moral superiority of the natives.

The Arboreal who had wisely fled with surprising alacrity the instant the attack had powered up, an atavistic sense of the source, or a good reading of body language I do not know, it had and continued to evade all pursuit, and shadowed us with a degree of invisibility or with the tacit approval of our captors. The Speciesist was not happy. I suspected from his body language, and incessant muttering that if I had been the victim of the natives' attack he would have felt little remorse, that our two peacemakers were, and that I and not he was the instrument of their survival, had likewise stripped him of his patina of moral superiority.

The last member of our group seemed to have a positive talent for irritating the Speciesist. Some revelation by the Speciesist seemed to have turned He-who-writes from gadfly to overt hostility, something I should not have enjoyed so much, but I did. He also seemed to take it personally that while everyone else was discomfited by the attack, he emerged completely unscathed. I'm no military expert, but if a potentially hostile group deployed a weapon against me with an air of total confidence, and that weapon hadn't the slightest effect, I'd muffle my outrage.

I physically separated the pair, before the natives were forced to do the same. I earned the begrudging thanks of the Speciesist, and the ire of the He-who-writes, but I had other priorities. He was none-too-happy to be brought closer to the two wounded peacemakers. The smell of scorched flesh as nauseating to him as it was to the natives. Unfortunately, pantomime was the only way I could currently communicate. I recognized none of the languages spoken by my colleagues or captors, and trying to convey the message through gestures proved irritatingly difficult.

To both our credit, He-who-writes immediately understood I was attempting to communicate, and did his best to attempt to communicate back. Once he realized I was not attempting to get him to do something about the pair's deplorable, and doubtlessly worsening condition, and that I was in fact trying to get his permission to aid them myself, he became much less agitated. Or differently agitated in that now he wanted me to move with alacrity.

The spells were both low-intensity, and the largest I thought I could get away with, both from us being captives, and the delicate condition of the pair. The squirming that reminded me too much of a soft-bodied invertebrate in a drying environment and the faintly disturbing sounds they had emitted both ended. He-who-writes seemed to approve of the new condition and separated from me to again attempt conversation with one of our captors, who stoically refused to respond. Whether they understood or not I could only speculate. Although the tone and manner of the He-who-writes would have had me feigning incomprehension, deafness or aphonia if we hadn't been thrown together as captives.

Brief and minor as my spell casting was, it brought the attention of one of the natives: the leader of our attackers, who'd been essentially hiding from us since the attack had been called off. It charged over and began making noise at me that seemed oddly similar to He-who-writes with the Speciesist. I did not engage. If they were questions, I did not understand them, and if they were admonishments, they were not backed by force or the threat of force, moral, violent or otherwise. In either case, I could dismiss them, although I retreated as if I were being attacked/admonished. The native's pursuit and continuing barrage answered by my retreat seemed to amuse the other natives as we circled the wounded-bearers like a mottle trying to catch a flitter around a rock.

One of the Neithers yelled at my assailant, who reluctantly walked away in what I guessed was the picture of chagrin.

We arrived at the building we had been headed to. I note that it is marked with a malk, a pair of short, superimposed, perpendicular dashes. Done surprisingly in the color of the two peacemaker's blood. I hoped it was a case of parallel evolution, because the thought of their medical buildings, personnel and supplies essentially being labeled with a punctuation mark denoting sarcasm, written in blood, gave all manner of unfortunate implications.

We were permitted to accompany our comrades, and the interior had the same color scheme as the rest of the place. The bars on the doors to the section we were being placed in could not be ignored. This was the prison wing. Although if they expected to hold me, they would need stronger bars, more complicated locks, thicker walls and vastly more powerful pex and vulog shielding. I would remain here out of courtesy, and to oversee the treatment of the fallen pair. Once they were well, I intended to leave and do some investigating into where I was.

He-who-writes was predictable in his loud protestations before being enveloped in a pex field and thrust inside. The Speciesist was more subdued, but likewise complained, before a row of spears convinced him. Since I'd rather obsessively touched the bars, and still followed the pair and the medical team, I hoped I portrayed a reasonable rather than a gullible person.

The beds were of course ill-sized for the pair. And I'll admit to a mischievous streak when I picked up a trio of beds and arranged them beside another and gave a narrow space, but long enough for the pair, and then placed them together in the rather close confines. A bit of placement of arms and legs had them unconsciously drawing each other together. The expression on the faces of the natives reminded me of the expression most get from grandsires and granddames on seeing a particularly cute grandchild, theirs or another's. I made a mental note for later.

After the medical teams trooped out and locked the gates behind them, I became aware of how hungry I was. On glancing around I noted they had left several large bowls of snacks lying about the room. Presumably some of the other items were for other physiologies. Quite thoughtful of them providing a wide variety. I just wish they hadn't 'dressed them up', it's always vaguely embarrassing when the centerpiece is more appetizing than the meal. These were brightly colored, as was everything else here, and while quite delicious, they lacked the satisfying crunch that better ingredients would have provided.

Hospital food, I relaxed and ate. At seeing the bowl half empty, I realized how hungry I'd actually been, and that I was monopolizing it. I held the bowl out to He-who-writes, and the Speciesist. He-who-writes was writing, but held up his hands vertically and shook his head, I assumed it meant negation. The Speciesist looked horrified, presumably the idea of consuming food I might have touched revolted him at a primal level.

I made the offer. The rest of the bowl emptied quickly, and I was feeling more at ease with these aliens. There was paper, and writing tools left behind. The book with the pictures in it I scanned and handed over to He-who-writes. The wax marking tools and blank paper I kept, making several simple geometric designs and proofs. The perpendicular triangle, the ratio of perimeter to radius, the equivalence of local universe frequency to the pex field. Stuff that every kid knows. I left the Speciesist and He-who-writes to discuss, often loudly, the markings/proofs and I looked in on the peacemakers, who slept peacefully, entwining of limbs and a look of contentment on their faces. Said look eerily similar to the expression worn by the medical staff earlier on seeing them together.

An analysis of the room, its furnishing and fixtures made me extremely uneasy. Neither the Speciesist nor He-who-writes had any trouble not only recognizing but manipulating various objects, without the disconnect and need for analysis I was suffering. A look out the clear door panels revealed this wasn't peculiar to the holding cell. It was repeated throughout the visible area of the medical building, and the natives took the morphology of these objects in stride. Either we weren't the first, or . . . something far darker was amiss.

Attracting their attention to this proved both more difficult and easier than I'd feared. Communicating the incongruity was the difficult part: pantomime, multiple drawn images and diagrams, the hostility between the two, and the Speciesist's mistrust of me all made the initial attempts fruitless. Finally, I created the illusion of a drinking cup we'd all seen the medical staff using or carrying, and added a rendition of their hands, my tentacles and the natives' hooves and made the incongruity manifest. He-who-writes indicated the cup and pointed to me. I showed them the usual drinking bowl used by my people and how the tentacles would grip it. The design was not so alien to them, that they understood that what they'd been taking in stride became sinister. The pair examined all the fixtures that had been providing them a sense of familiarity, and upon confirming that the fixtures throughout the portion of the facility they could see were the same, both took on an expression of what I guess was a deep concern. What they thought was the genesis of the similarity and their place/fate in it became the topic of their discussion until the planet's rotation put the daystar out of our line of sight.

He took out his recorder and looked out the window, "Addendum, 'Curiouser and Curiouser'. Having met one of the cabal of, ahem, people desperate to pull the wool over the peoples' eyes about what lurks one step outside their comfortable sphere, it seems he is as easily duped as the rest of us. Only our most outre, yet forthcoming fellow prisoner brought to our attention that the room, and even the hospital beyond being fitted out for humans. Not the height of the corridors, but coffee mugs, coloring books, even the tacky decorations in the hospital room. Although our outre prisoner seemed to think a pile of glued-together stones made a tasty hors d'oeuvres tray with an digestif of a floral arrangement. Although given our captors the latter may have been accurate. The nearly perfect simulation of ordinary human, modern conveniences makes one wonder about the place.

"Our wounded are recovering, and Harry has decided not to use his powers to assist them. Claiming inability. I suspect that his distaste for their choice of friends makes him unwilling to assist. Also, his blithe assumptions that people can't handle the truth about the wider world rings hollow since our outre companion seems utterly inoffensive despite possessing powers to rival Harry's. And it was Harry who initiated the attack on him. Who's the small-minded fool here?

"As to our captors, aside from their one, vicious attack, which they either didn't anticipate or are truly sorry for, they have let us alone. To have such power and have so little understanding or control of it, is a truly terrifying prospect for either us staying here, or attempting to leave without their permission.

"On a side note, the similarity to human facial expressions seems an oddity now, who made them, for what purpose and what will happen when the boss arrives? Harry made vague claims about the infinity of universes, but a world obviously made for short humans, suddenly being populated by equally short horses gives lie to the assumption of parallel evolution. One or two commonalities is one thing, an entire suite that are not optimized for the inventors makes no sense. The most benign explanation is they are somehow watching us, stealing, well, copying our devices and mannerisms for their own use without the ability to adapt them to their form and culture. The question that must be raised is: Are they training themselves to be at home when they usurp our world? Do they even know if that's their purpose? The powers we've seen would seem to give them the advantage, and from what I've pried out of Harry, our defenders are few and far between. And from my own numerous experiences, incompetent or uncaring. The Masquerade is the thing, what must be defended, not the lives of those going through their existences." He switched off the recorder and considered the camera and film in his pocket.

9) The Cat Out of the Bag, Then Eat the Bag

The Cat Out of the Bag, Then Eat the Bag
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Night meant more easily seen stars and none of us recognized anything in the starfield that spoke of home. The local pex field also changed with the coming of darkness and night. I had the whimsical thought that two competing fields existed on the planet, one for day, and one for night. On analysis of the whimsy, I remember that the two largest Boths had marks on their sides. One I now realized was a stylized daystar, the other was the partially occluded moon. It was impossible not to take the reasonable flight of fancy that one controlled the day pex, and the other the night's.

I'll pause to allow the laughter to rise and fall.

What did arrive after all my analysis and initiation of future revelations was the Arboreal. It managed to slice through the bars and glass of the third floor window, and tumble exhausted through the opening before it's vulog claws guttered out. The poor creature's clothing was torn and it could only manage a soft hiss as I approached. I lifted it easily as it feebly struggled to escape. When I set it at the head of the bed just where the pair's heads lay it actually looked quizzical. It proceeded to snuggle against them and fall into an depleted sleep. My job done I stepped away and verified that neither He-who-writes nor the Speciesist had been awakened.

It was not long after that I discovered why the Arboreal had fled. I'd seen materialized vulog energy fields before, and not just from 'They-who-can't-be-talked-about-around-Xothians', yes they eat brains, you don't, we all get it. This one was more fluid than most, as it crept in through the hole in the window. Out of professional curiosity, and a sense of duty to the others, I approached it to examine it closely. While I'm a poor flier, and not being a physically imposing or impressive specimen, my vulog manipulations are first-rate. No one who competes for a place at and passes a Class-3 license board exam is anything less than the best, of the best, of the best, and most are several iterations more.

I was trying to determine whether it was simply a probe, or an attack construct, when it attacked. Not in a physical way, but by infiltration. It really should have gone after another, although considering the Arboreal's exhaustion, it likely did, with little more success. The best way to analyze a vulog construct is to load it into a shielded node, and disassemble it carefully. I did exactly that. It had rudimentary anti-intrusion defenses, which I bypassed and neutralized. I will admit, I never considered it might be sentient. I committed a crime against science in that I didn't attempt to preserve that sentience, during my disassembly. I can only say that if I had understood, I would have also understood I was fighting for my life and identity, and the end result would be the same. But at least I would have regarded its actions as a death struggle, instead of a bit of clever programming.

Finding the language files was a gift from FIPSM itself. They were intact, mnemonically compatible with myself, although not with my companions, and completely free of hidden surprises. Installing them on myself gave me much to do later when I rechecked what I could remember of the natives' vocalizations. Discovering that a great deal of the language was somatic was a great surprise. I also began recognizing the utterly insane babbling of the probe and realized its purpose was infiltration and espionage, with a side of wetwork as well. Dismantling the rest of it was an easy enough task, although when it started pleading with me, I felt a bit of remorse until I realized that this was the exact tack anti-intrusion systems might employ as social engineering. Again, I hadn't realized it was sentient, it gave none of the accepted evidence of it and it was not merely a 'Chinese Room', namely it lacked empathy, although a biologist might have interpolated its responses differently.

Once it was disassembled and the bits and pieces were stored in an inactive node, I turned my attention to the Arboreal. Its battle with her was recorded and was quite an interesting conflict. It also indicated that the Arboreal needed some pretty extensive work on the preexisting problems and battle-damaged psyche.

The sudden arrival of the natives' assault group and the three, large Boths, awakened everyone, and the natives began casting around, presumably for the attack probe I'd just dealt with. The Pair awoke in their bed and reacted with embarrassment at their predicament, He-who-writes ambled over and explained the situation, while the Arboreal settled across their laps and began purring, and became quite alarmed when the Pair seemed to be pulling away from each other. While it was quite gentle in pushing them together to form the extra-large lap, and was careful to nuzzle each of them, it was also far stronger than either. Add the higher-pitched, baby-like sounds and it had them, resistance was futile.

That changed when the smallest, pinkest of the Both ambled over with a horn aglow. The Arboreal leapt to the end to the bed and hissed. Both He-who-writes and I moved too, and the Pair scrambled backward, each trying to put the other behind them until they impacted the wall and could retreat no farther. The vulog-infused pex construct floated out of the pink Both's horn. The Arboreal snatched the isosceles triangle with the two half-circles on the unequal side out of the air and ate it. The pink Both seemed shocked that the Arboreal had done that, possibly that the Arboreal had even seen the construct. The Arboreal looked back at the pair, and its cheeks became almost as red as its hair. Then it looked back at the pink one, who'd had the wisdom to retreat. The pure malevolence in the Arboreal's expression exceeded what the probe had recorded during their fight, and they'd been trying to kill each other.

While the natives' activities should have been enough to wake the dead, it was not sufficient to keep the Pair awake. The Arboreal, He-who-writes, and I settled them back down, with the Arboreal pushing them together and offering herself as pillow. With nervous laughter, they settled back and returned to sleep. Soon after, the natives had either found what they were looking for, and covered it with more searching, or failed to find it. While the language files allowed me to parse their expressions, the context made it almost a code that I could not break. I mean a sub-planetary body could not be concealed in a room, no matter how forbidding it was. The body, not the room. And the addition of the Arboreal drew no interest, nor did the obvious gap in their security the Arboreal had made.

Only the smallest, and only bipedal one, noted that the snack bowls were depleted. The observation caused chagrin on the two Neithers, and all three of the Boths. Whether their vocalization promised food, were an apology, or both, I don't know. Again, without context, they were essentially a code. I assume they were speaking in colloquialisms that didn't translate well. I was beginning to feel I was a Chinese room. I could translate the words and the grammar, but was only hearing, and would probably speak, gibberish. Only the bipedal one's clear 'they must be hungry, at least they didn't eat the bowls' came across clearly. I would have to reparse the sentences assuming that some of the words and phrases are names, rather than not, and hope that clarifies their statements, but that will take time.

The discovery that the probe's files contained an intrusion package was interesting, although it came with a compulsion, aided by my own curiosity, to use it. I fell to temptation and was cast into parallel worlds of nightmares. The female of the Pair seemed obsessed with being abandoned by males of her own species. The sexual dimorphism seemed reversed for her though, the males were all smaller, weaker and less physically aggressive than her. And thus would abandon her after a short while, over and over again. While even He-who-writes was only slightly shorter, the other two were both taller, so I classed that as a dream-justification, but filed it away. Another node infiltrated the male's dream and found a lack of female support on his endeavors. Which admittedly were often combat, but included diplomacy. He was merely a resource females used, for the promise of reciprocity, approval, etc., but never was delivery made on those promises.

While I am physically incapable of grinning, had I been of my comrades' or the natives' physiognomy, my grin would have terrified. I simply put them in each other's dream, with full autonomy. The 'enemies attack my friends' dynamic, which I judged the real reason for the female's abandonment issues, not her height, for him was a slightly more aggressive day than usual. For him, she was grateful for the help, and stood by his side either fighting or advising, and didn't differentiate between 'her' and 'his' enemies.

Once it was a stable cycle, which occurred frighteningly easily, I left it running. I didn't watch too closely as they became intimate, but I was aware of it.

Then I delved into the Arboreal's dreams and discovered a pair of vaguely mad worlds running side-by-side, the Arboreal in its 'mental shape' of a small, hunting, arboreal creature, and one of its physical form, like that of my other colleagues. Strangely, the colleague-shaped was a dark-haired male, rather than a red-haired female. A bit of work, and all four dreamscapes were linked, and while the colleague-shaped was terrified by the arboreal creature, the four seemed to get on well, especially since they all seemed to take an attack on one as an attack on all. The Arboreal took great delight in shredding anything that threatened its pack.

It isn't fun, waking up and wondering what the cat did when it was in charge. The vivid dream was also disorienting. I . . . I should feel guilty, thinking of some guy as my pop, and some girl as my mother, but they were so nice, and if they were only a little older than me, they were more like parents I'd heard about in stories from the others at Furinkan High than my parents. They looked after me, and the cat. Makoto was like the best parts of Kasumi and Akane. She loved cooking and cleaning, and teaching me all her tricks and techniques, and she was eager to really learn martial arts from me. Not that she let me get away with anything, but it wasn't 'oh hit him with a table' for taking the last cookie. Patrick was a mix of Nabiki and how Kuno thinks he is. It felt weird knocking someone down, and instead of a cry for vengeance, he'd laugh, get up and ask how I did it. He never hit me, but his 'I'm very disappointed' was worse than a kick in the guts. Weird, when you know something's a dream when not everyone is trying to beat you up.

The dream went on for months, and it felt so real. I remember the sparring, the hugs, the fighting monsters, and the meals after. And while I knew neither of them could stand against me in the dojo for an instant, they, we meshed on the battlefield. No monster had a chance, then it was heading on home laughing to clean up. Heck, the only thing that really gave me any trouble were the piano lessons. 'The paper just tells you the movements and the rhythm, you saying it's too tough?' Yeah, Patrick definitely had a streak of Nabiki in him.

The cat was the problem. It was always around. Yeah, it was friendly, but it still frightened me. And it seemed to be eager to keep us all together. I still have to laugh at it scaring Makoto right out her bath towel into Patrick's arms, so she was clinging to him like an anaconda, naked, wet and too terrified to care about either. It did that kind of stuff to all of us, and that Makoto and Patrick used it to help me over my fear of cats.

The part that really frightened me was the way I started feeling towards them. Not just Makoto, who was athletic, friendly and beautiful, but the way Ranko began reacting to Patrick, because he was athletic, friendly and understanding. I suddenly realized their jokes at 'is this a threesome or a foursome' early on, weren't just jokes but prescience. If I hadn't woken up, would it have gone that far? I'd held them in my arms, been held in theirs, even fallen asleep holding or being held when one of us was sick or scared. Brr, that cat-demon, I hope the cat gave it what for.

Waking up with Patrick's head in my lap and Makoto's head on my chest was shocking, in good and bad ways. Before I could fully awaken and act, they growled the way they sometimes did, sometimes did in the dream, and suddenly I was between them and getting hugged by both of them like the long-lost friend I sort of was. I was glad I was still a girl, because bursting into quiet tears came easily. We three stayed that way for a bit until I released my grip on them.

Patrick's question, 'Do you want some hot water?' came a both a shock and a comfort. They still knew me, since he knew I preferred to be a guy. Especially if there was going to be a fight, and I suspected there'd be a fight soon.

But all it did was reignite the waterworks. Two people who cared about me, and let me care about them in my own way, who trusted me and I trusted them, and it was real, not a dream. I didn't have to worry about them understanding me, I knew they did.

"Yeah, but aren't you hurt?" I asked Patrick.

"As long as she doesn't frown at me, I'll live. AKKK!" he said then 'played dead' when she invariably did.

This attracted the attention of the others, and the winged, tentacle creature held up the tips of its tentacles to indicate its nonthreatening intent.

We helped each other out of the collection of little beds, and sat on the floor, although I suspect Makoto and Patrick had wanted to stand but just couldn't manage it.

10) Fluttershy Strikes Back

Fluttershy Strikes Back
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.
"Excuse me," Fluttershy said as she watched the discussion around the table change from options to boasting about these newcomers and how they'd be handled. The assumption that since they weren't alicorns, they could force them to do as required, and the Elements gave them a trump card, rankled. She'd expected it from Rainbow and the guards, Applejack was disappointing but unsurprising, but Twilight joining in and Celestia herself not halting things was the final straw. "There's a better way!" When she was ignored she set her Element of Kindness on the table slid it to Twilight. "If all you can think about is murder, I want nothing to do with any of you," she said loudly enough to register, with some of them.

"How are we going to murder them?" Spike called over the other voices.

The eager conversations ground to a halt as they stared at Spike, then shifted to Fluttershy.

"We already nearly succeeded once," Fluttershy said.

"That was an accident," Rainbow said, waving away her concerns, "We thought they were like those other creeps."

"And this is deciding to do it anyway," Fluttershy shot back, "They were missing one of their pack, and had two injured, injured willfully by us, now they are all together. They are not going to stand back and let us do it again. No, they aren't like those meanie alicorns, they aren't fighting us either. So they aren't acting like those big, dumb, meanies, but we are."

"Fluttershy -" Twilight began.

"Naw, she's right just kill'em," Spike said, "It's not like they could actually help us."

"I hope Spike is just playing Nightmare's-advocate," Rarity said, "All of us have been a little shell shocked at the intrusion of these interlopers. That is not a good reason to treat all these people as if they were the same. In fact, if someone was playing us, they would send in all these 'meanies' then intentionally send in people who would be friendly. If not for Winona vouching for that black alicorn, we might have reacted like this towards him."

"Who and what they are isn't as important as that 'Nightmare Moon' alicorn who showed up right before they did. The one we were hunting before we encountered them," Twilight said, "We have to be able to test them for the Nightmare's influence." She shuddered at the angry stare she was getting from Rarity and Fluttershy. "Without hurting them."

"Again," Applejack added.

Fluttershy looked around. "You need them alone, or at most in pairs to search for . . . him?"

"Alone would be best," Celestia said, "But pairs would work."

"I can get them to form pairs away from the others. I can get them to want to," she assured them.

"How?" Applejack wanted to know.

"Simple," Fluttershy said, "What do most creatures have in common?"

To her disappointment, only blank stares answered her. She sighed and hoped she didn't have to explain everything.

It was a point of concern that one of the attackers nosed open the door. This one came alone, although several faces were pressed against the clear portion of the door once the yellow and pink native waved us forward. She pulled a drawing from under her wing and placed it on the low table. It showed a stick figure of one of the others, with green lines radiating off them. She pointed to the female, snuffled and backed away with a grimace. The Arboreal made a comment, then the Female sniffed the Arboreal and backed away with a grimace.

Frankly, their scent traces were so unusual, I didn't find them too offensive, but the native indicated a pair of us going to a shell with red lines radiating off the upper surface. One of the figures bore a spear while the other took part in doing something in the shell.

While I was utterly mystified by the drawings' meaning, my colleagues seemed to understand instantly and with varying degrees of enthusiasm. The male pointed at the spear-carrying figure, held up one finger and rotated his head side to side, then held up two fingers and moved his head up and down.

The native seemed mildly perplexed, then pointed at the trio. All three moved their heads up and down. The native relented and waved them forward. The two 'guards' presumably were handed spears, and accompanied them to a room outside the cell and down the hall. The Peacemaker took up a position outside the room, while the Arboreal accompanied the female within. The native soon exited the room to return to us and held up a cloth wrapped bar of a white substance. That decided it for He-who-writes and the Speciesist, the Speciesist took the spear and stood guard over a second room where He-who-writes did whatever they had promised. After a while the Speciesist and He-who-writes exchanged places. He-who-writes seemed a bit damp, but in far better spirits. The Female and the Arboreal, now returned to her red-haired, female form, urged the Peacemaker into the room, and the offer of which would be the close guard had his cheeks redden.

I couldn't help it, I laughed, both at their rather innocent embarrassment, and that my manipulations in dreams had carried over so well into the waking world. The ambient pex energies in the room had shifted, but not uncomfortably. Since spellcasting was in the offing, and I was alone, I took the chance and used a spell to clean and refresh myself, since that seemed to be what the drawings and the actions were accomplishing. Although I didn't submerge myself in water, fire is a better purifier and it just took a flash to clean myself off.

Twilight watched with her jaw hanging open. "Gotta trust your friends," Applejack told her, and shut her mouth, "Looks like I owe Winona a few treats and a word with the Princesses." She paused. "I wonder what would happen if Pinkie and I took them ta that doughnut shop." She closed Twilight's mouth again, before leaving.

Rarity looked up from the project she'd been working on with Fluttershy and stared at all of them and their clothing. "I wonder if we provided replacements, would they allow us to take and launder their clothes?"

"They should be as close to what they have as we can manage," Fluttershy said, "And let them guard whoever is doing the laundry."

Rarity stared at her. "When did you become a mastermind?"

"Have you ever approached a momma bear with cubs, who needs a tooth extracted?" Fluttershy asked, and waved a hoof at the newcomers, "I have, this is the same. Except we're the one who gave their cub the toothache."

Rarity gulped then nodded. She picked up the project, and followed Fluttershy to meet with the 'newcomers'.

The grumbling from Kolchak is getting to me. I'm reminded why mind-altering magic is so illegal. It would be so satisfying to wipe this reporter's memory.

I put that aside, the real reason for my anger is the Outsider standing just a few yards away, protected by the others in the group. None of them are in this thing's thrall. I have no idea what hold it has on them, unless you count it throwing itself into the line of fire while I stood there transfixed.

It's not my fault, I think as I remember McCoy's lessons, Whatever they hit me with, I couldn't imagine doing anything than standing there, and I couldn't understand how anyone outside the Nickleheads would be affected. Until they started screaming, and then it was like being too drunk or stoned to do anything meaningful.

I returned my attention to the situation at hand, and considering they were on its side before the attack, that it acted when I didn't probably only strengthened things. Until it makes a move that proves to the others what a threat it is, I can't move against it.

My fellow wizard is almost as bad. 'Elf-slave' he called me, telling me he could smell their corruption on me. The idea that anyone rational would befriend an Outsider and view elves as infinitely worse makes no sense. Yes, I'd love to get rid of both of them, but the elves are all that keep the Outsiders from overrunning my home world.

The scary thing is all his accusations could be true. Whether I'd know if they had put me under their influence, is a big question mark. There are enough things that go bump in the night that work exactly that way. So no outright denial would be believed, even by me. The assertion that mind-magic doesn't work that way doesn't stand up when the Outsiders break most of the mystic rules. My Fairy Godmother may have simply influenced me since I was young.

Our captors are another thing. Fricken' technicolor, pastel ponies, I kid you not. I nearly died laughing, until they flash fried the wizard and his girl friend. I've heard some real horrible screams in my life, but those two managed one that still has me shaking. Whatever these ponies did, it hurt those kids bad. If not for the wizard and the Outsider's healing powers, both would probably be dead.

I should be used to feeling like I don't know what's going on, but here everything I know is turned, not on its head, that would be too easy, but tilted just enough that making guesses only makes things worse. The Outsider may be an ally, against the cute, harmless-looking ponies, if Carl's wild conspiracy theory is accurate. I need a drink, a good steak and about a week of sleep. I'd settle for a way home, because no Way brought me here, I just woke up here.

The one who offered the deal with the baths arrives with another of the native attackers. "If they don't have all six, they can't use their superwhammy," I told them, yeah superwhammy, technical term. That calms Patrick and Makoto down, Carl is still acting like he's standing on a hot stove, although hot scoop might be a better phrase.

But where would you publish it? I thought, You putz. Okay hanging out with the wrong crowd.

The two set what looks like a thin book on the table and gesture for us to come closer. With both Patrick and the Outsider making subtle scanning spells, I do the same, and Patrick gestures us closer, then the Outsider mimics the gesture, I close on the table with the others.

Maybe I got it wrong, I thought as the storybook is displayed, Maybe Patrick is holding the Outsider in thrall. Dangerous, and very unwise. If it breaks his hold, it will kill him and anyone he seems to value first.

The first picture/page is of happily playing ponies with a couple of the winged unicorns in the background looking over them. Next page is a group of the winged unicorns, but obviously male with long teeth and claws scaring the ponies. Next one of them attacking the one with the sun on her butt while she's sleeping. Then a pony dashing up to the three of the horns and wings crowd and his 'speech' bubble is of another of the nasty, mean-bad monsters. Next is the groups that attacked us all with thought bubbles of these evil winged-unicorns changing into other forms to attack ponies. The next page is the attack, and the horror that they had hurt us who were not their targets.

"Friendly fire," Ranma says, "Story of my life."

Patrick's answer is more comprehensible to them. He flips the 'book to the page with the winged unicorns scaring ponies. He slowly drives a knife through one of the evil, nasty-bads. Makoto puts her finger on one, and leaves a scorch mark obliterating the image. The Outsider tears one out of the book and eats it.

"In for a penny, in for a pound," I say and tear one out of the book, then tear the image into confetti.

"Oh, you'll help them, but not your own people," Carl comments, "Because they can use magic too?"

"I don't see you signing up," I tell him, he backs away.

Ranma stands with Makoto and Patrick, indicating his support. The yellow one with the pink mane and tail nods, then flips to the end of the book. The images are harder to figure out. Her companion seems to be warding off a human figure with a string, then doing something, and then warding us off with a set of clothes?

"She wants to make us outfits?" Ranma asks as he stares at the pictures, then at his own clothes.

"I guess if we're in their nation's service, we need to be uniformed," Makoto says, "But I'm staying in my costume to fight."

"How are they going to make us clothes, other than hats and lab coats, none of them wear clothes," Carl said.

"Maybe a hatred of seersucker is a universal trait," I tell him. It earns me a frown but it also puts me one up on the snark contest.

Patrick used his knife to carefully cut the six ponies needed for the maguffin superwhammy from the picture they were in. He cut the picture into six, one pair of ponies he took for his group, one pair he slid to me and Carl, and the last third he handed to the Outsider, who accepted.

The Outsider then pantomimed something that was utterly incomprehensible to me, but had Ranma staring intently at the thing. "I think he wants to tell them that the pairs we picked aren't the pairs that we are stuck with." Ranma looked at Patrick and Makoto. "Did you know he can talk to them?"

"Elder Things are extremely intelligent, I doubt it would have any trouble learning their language," Patrick replied, "I'd also like to know how in Heaven's name you figured that out from those gestures."

We finally agree on something, I think.

Ranma grinned and rocked on her heels. "You mean I thought of something before you did?" Patrick just shrugged, conceding the point.

"You treat that thing like a person," I say, "Can't you sense what it is? As bad as the Fae are, that thing is a thousand times worse."

"Mister Dresden," Patrick sighed, then replied, "Elves are tapeworms in evening dress, they give us nothing that we couldn't make ourselves and often already did, without the overwhelming condescension. The Elder Things create things, and when their hubris gets the better of them, those things bite them on the ass, just like people. They do not create automatons who endlessly trumpet their praises, Mister Dresden."

I enjoyed the 'tapeworms in evening dress' comment, I did not like being called a robotic cheerleader for the Fae.

"Can I borrow your pom-poms or do the Outsiders need you for a performance?" I ask.

"Sure, but not my tutu, you'll stretching out to much," he replied.

"If I must separate you two," Makoto said, "I must separate you two."

Patrick backed off, leaving me the field. But he got the girl, no fair.

"Okay," Ranma said as he arranged the tokens, "The pegasi will go with Patrick and Makoto. The unicorns with the Outsider and me. The ground pounders go with Snark and Boojum."

"You're the Boojum," Carl tells me.

"Oh joy," I tell the universe.

11) ﻿Divide and Conquer

Divide and Conquer
﻿Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the
property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma
Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.
﻿
Rainbow was not impressed by these newcomers. Fluttershy seemed to be able to make herself
understood, but Rainbow was disgusted that they kept to Fluttershy's speed. So they were
currently crawling along as the others had left in their own directions.

"Why do I have to babysit the slow-pokes?" she complained as the two, weird-looking ones had
managed to take to the air with the girl almost as a backpack, and Fluttershy fussing with them.

The backwash spinning her around in the air had Rainbow as close to airsick as she had ever been,
at least recently. Then she saw Fluttershy waving to her as the trio sped away. "That's not
possible!" Rainbow breathed and raced after them, but the trio kept increasing the distance. The
girl newcomer sitting astride the guy's hips, while Fluttershy stood on his back and shoulders.
Neither was doing the flying.

Rainbow strained and only caught up as they slowed on approaching the outer patrols from
Canterlot.

"If you could go that fast, why didn't you tell me?" Rainbow shouted as the patrol pegasi
approached.

"I wouldn't let them until they had their goggles on properly," Fluttershy told her, and she noted
that all of the trio were wearing goggles. Rainbow facehoofed.

"Well these are the ones you guys zapped?" the leader of the patrol asked as he approached, "They
look healthy enough now." He looked at Rainbow. "Fast too."

Rainbow facehoofed again. "It's not bad enough that I get the library crawlers. Those rogues need
a good kicking." She shadow boxed. "But I'm here looking at books."

"You could have asked to go with one of the other teams," Fluttershy said, "Like the reporter."

Rainbow frowned but followed them.

"My hovercraft is full of eels," the weird, five-sided critter said.

Beyond the shock that the critter could talk, Applejack scratched her head at what he'd said. "I
don't rightly know what a hovercraft is."

"And why would you use it to store eels?" Pinkie asked as they rode the train to Los Pegasus.

"It's a checksum, a test if I'm communiquing understandably," the critter said.

"It's understandable, jist a little weird," Applejack said, "I'm Applejack." She extended a hoof, and
felt the tentacle touch her. It was dry, like a snake's skin, but soft like a baby's butt.

"I'm Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Pinkie, everypony does," Pinkie extended a hoof, and another
tentacle grasped her hoof.

"Pinkie-Pie-But-You-Can-Call-Me-Pinkie-Everypony-Does is very cumbersome, can I call you
Bruce? Just to keep things clear," the critter asked.

Pinkie just stared at him.

"You haven't given your name," Applejack pointed out.

"My nominate-epithet doesn't translate, as your science doesn't even have the conceptions of those
ascribations," the critter explained, "Like calling someone 'Cutie Mark' when their race doesn't
have the concept of individuals."

"That's very cumbersome, can we call you Bruce, just to keep things clear?" Applejack asked and
smirked.

"He was a Xothian you know," 'Bruce' said, "So now we know we weren't attacked out of malice,
now we know someone/thing was attacking you out of malice, and your leaders believe that better
the crazies on our side than at our backs."

"I think Princess Celestia didn't mean that," Pinkie said and then brightened, "Say! Now that we
can talk, I can throw you the biggest 'Welcome to the Planet Party!'"

"Ah, Pinkie," Applejack started.

"And we can invite all your friends and this Agamid Don we're going to meet!"

"Excellent, I assume I have until we return to Ponyville to discover who I offended and make
appropriate and necessary reparations on my own. I profoundly thank you for the warning. I
would not have known I was being punished until you all yelled 'Surprise', you do all yell 'Surprise'
at the start of parties to let them know the punishment has commenced?"

"Yes, we yell surprise, but what do you mean 'punishment'?" Pinkie asked.

"That's what a party is, you collect a whole group of people to just drag the energy out of a person,
and continually embarrass them with simple games, feed them food they know is going to make
them sick if they indulge too much, and they have to figure out who they offended, what they did
and then make a public apology in front of all their friends and neighbors," Bruce said, "A so much
more civilized form of complete, public humiliation. I had no idea you were the town's
disciplinarian. Wait, Element of Laughter, you're the go-to-pony for the Diarch's entire kingdom
aren't you. The best pony party purveyor. I am honored, and a little concerned that I've made it
onto your roster."

"But parties are fun," Pinkie said.

"Of course they are," Bruce said, "You get to see an enemy humiliated by the community, see them
utterly exhausted by the activities, and have them frantically trying to figure what they did wrong
and to whom. It's great sport, and such a civilized and organized form of public shaming. I've
been to some great parties. I never did anything bad enough to have one thrown in my honor, but I
guess invading your country certainly counts. You throw your best party. I accept the full force
and fury of your people for my actions. And look forward to the penalization and mortification of
the others in my group. We can still be friends afterwards, I hope."

Pinkie stared at him slack-jawed, and Applejack was near enough that condition as well that she
ignored any number of fly-catching jokes she could have made. "Wow, you really are an alien."

"Not that alien, I still like apples," Bruce told her.

Carl pulled out his recorder. "We're getting new clothes. While their sartorial tastes run from
baroque to gaudy, the seamstress can understand the need for functional working clothes. Frankly,
I doubt the House of Trevi could match the work I saw, and the owner is also the primary worker.
Although her magic multiplies her effectiveness many times. The brave defender of humanity's
ignorance seems very concerned about the offered clothes. The reason makes little sense. I think I
do understand Patrick's loathing of elves, if offering a free uniform in exchange for putting your
neck on the line causes you to fear all offers from others. On a personal note, I am not looking
forward to the pantomime argument to retain my usual sense of style." He shut off the recorder
and watched the rather passionate 'discussion' between the Seamstress and Dresden.

"I don't want the sequins and -" Dresden said.

"Those are gems not sequins," Carl told him. He enjoyed the shocked expression on the wizard's
face.

"They can't be, they'd be worth a fortune!" Dresden told him.

"Differing economies," Carl told him, "Frankly they'd look good on you. They'd match your eyes,
and if we get out of here you'd be set for life."

Carl smirked as he thought, Take that on your claims of genteel poverty. He thoroughly enjoyed

Dresden hanging himself on the horns of that dilemma.

Spitfire was beginning to think she was in love, And with a weird, sex-changing biped from
another world, who understands flight, energy and balance better than most pegasi, heck only a
few Wonderbolts understand it so well. Certainly Soarin' doesn't.

That worthy crashed to the floor of the empty boxcar as the martial artist landed softly and squared
off against Fleetfoot, who understandably wanted less and less to close with this alien youth.

"So what was that about 'being able to fly gives us an unfair advantage'?" Spitfire asked Soarin' as
he shook his head and regained his hooves.

"What he's doing is impossible," Soarin' said, and circled behind the martial artist. The figure
turned and moved to keep both targets in sight. The grin indicated he was enjoying the challenge,
and that he was winning despite the challenge.

"If it was wide open skies," Fleetfoot said, "We'd have him."

Riiiight, Spitfire thought, then considered entering the fray in a completely different manner, That
wouldn't be fair. She grinned, then decided, But I'm going to try anyway.

"Okay, you two stand down. And go get something to drink," she ordered.

"Don't want to let anypony see you getting trashed?" Fleetfoot asked, then grinned, "Your tail is
giving you away."

Soarin' looked at the two mares and shrugged. "Good luck, or should I say, better luck than with
that minotaur."

"We solved that diplomatic crisis," she replied, "And he did get married, eventually."
She waited until the door between cars closed and she was alone. The boy took up a defensive
stance and said something Spitfire didn't understand, although the challenging/insulting tone was
obvious. She circled, then reversed direction, cutting down the area he had to maneuver.

Of course he can just jump over me, she thought, But lets see how he deals with a softer approach.
She reached out with a wing, he braced, and she just stroked his outstretched fist, then pulled the
wing back. His look of wariness told her a lot.

So fighting is what he's used to, she thought, A gentle approach frightens him. Odd that. She
walked around him, brushing his leg with her tail as he pivoted. Again he jumped back. He
glanced around and jumped over her, she could calculate his landing spot and was there before he
was. He windmilled his arms and twisted his body as he tried to redirect to not crash atop her, she
used her wings to redirect him so he did, but more gently than his leap would have.

From his tone, he's apologizing, Spitfire thought as she maneuvered her wings to prevent him from
slipping off, Why doesn't he just jump off? I think that tells the story he's been trained not to hurt
people who aren't a threat.

She let him slip off into a corner, then pinned him long enough she could get on her hind legs and
give him a nuzzle. He seemed utterly confused by her behavior. He hadn't shown that level of
near panic in the fight. Why show it here? She wondered as she let him escape, leaving a trail of
apologetic words as he withdrew. She smiled at that. She was tired of always having to be the
trainer-hardplot, but here she'd have to be gentle to catch a trainee, and no falling back on 'oh wow

you're a Wonderbolt'. This will be interesting, she thought of her new project.

Applejack facehooved as Bruce carried a number of branches in his hoov - tentacles, and tried,
very poorly, to look like a tree. What made Pinkie facehoof was that the population seemed to be
buying it. He was a bad tree costume, not an alien from another world. What made Spitfire giggle
was that Ranma seemed to be doing his level best to nonchalantly keep Bruce between him and
her.

"What a bunch," Applejack commented as they trotted through the streets, trying to arrive before
the shop opened and 'Agamid Don' was inundated with business.

"So first apples, now bananas," Bruce said, "I can presume oranges, what about pears?"

"Not into tentacles, Bruce," Applejack replied and smirked at him.

"Ouch," Bruce said, "And I thought you liked trees. Out of curiosity, when you rushed in in the
middle of the night, you spoke of a moon of nightmares. What did you mean by that?"

" 'Moon of . . .'?" Pinkie said, "Nightmare Moon?"

"Is the resequencing significant?" Bruce asked.

"Sorta," Applejack said, "Nightmare Moon was a corrupting spirit, it got Princess Luna, and it got
Rarity, but we freed both. One of them brony-corns either linked up with her, or had a right
similar basket of powers."

"So, it is a sentient creature? It thinks, feels, experiences life as we do?" Bruce asked, his voice
getting shaky.

"Yeah, but it got away," Pinkie said, "But except for the black alicorn, they haven't stayed hidden
for very long. So we're guessing it either left, or went after somepony else and that we don't
know."

"So, what does it look like?" Bruce asked.

"Later, we're here," Applejack said.

They arrived at the doughnut shop, with a police escort, who knocked on the door when they
spotted Don moving within. He opened the door, did a quick double-take on the tree, and let them
in. "I'm beginning to believe that I should have let Tirek eat me," Don said with a grin, "It would
have solved a lot of problems."

"Sorry, with the invasion going on," the police officer said, "We just need to ask a few questions."

"He's not an alicorn," Bruce told them, a tone of dread suffusing his words.

Applejack raised an eyebrow, but filed the question away for later. "Ya saw the alicorn attack
yesterday?" Applejack asked.

"Yes I did," Don said, showing anger for the first time, "A friend of mine is still in the hospital
because of those four."

"It's the black alicorn who came to the rescue that has elicited the series of investigations," Bruce
said.

His eyestalks are usually looking in their own quadrant, quinrent? she thought, He's got four of
them staring at Don. He may not be an alicorn, but he's a lot more than meets the eye.

"I'm not an alicorn," Don told them, "Just a pony trying to walk in the hooves of those who've gone
before. Speaking of 'gone before' did anypony find hide or hoof of the previous owner? I think I'm
doing a good job running the place, but if he's still out there, it doesn't seem right to pocket all the
proceeds myself."

"No. Not a trace. Nopony we rescued or . . . otherwise identified showed his Cutie Mark, and
since he left, nopony has seen him," the officer explained.

Don shrugged. "Well, I'll do my best, but I can't keep all the money in trust, I have personal
expenses, and the salary was never discussed."

"Talk to a lawyer about abandoned property," the officer said, "I'm sure Posey will be back on her
hooves in no time."

"If I can offer recompense for your time. I have some healing powers. I would welcome putting
them at your disposal," Bruce said, four of his five eyestalks locked in Don, the fifth swinging back
and forth to cover the rest of his field of vision.

"I would appreciate that," Don said and nodded, "Thank you."

"We'll take our leave," Bruce said as he started heading for the door.

Applejack pulled off her hat and said, "Sorry about your kinfolk."

"She isn't kin, yet," Don said, "And thank you for your sentiment."

"You're welcome," Applejack replied, caught Pinkie's tail before she could slip through the
swinging doors and into the kitchen. She dragged the obstinate baker from the shop.

They were outside and someways down the street before Bruce spoke, "There are legends among
my people, of that creature. Some amusing, some terrifying. If he's bonded with a pony here, your
people have nothing to worry about."

"What is he called?" Pinkie asked, "And why is he acting like a baker?"

"That creature does what it decides to do, and it doesn't care what anyone outside its inner circle
think. Emperor or slave, jester or sage, some of both, a little of neither, predicting it is impossible
from previous appearances, but we have its current behavior. It fled from you, settled into a job,
and got close to a local pony."

"Very close," the officer said, "Romantically close."

"So, y'all are staying not ta worry?" Applejack asked.

"I'm saying that the creature Princess Luna encountered was that one and it seems to have taken a
shine to you ponies. Whether that means don't worry, or worry a lot about tricks, is the question
before the house," Bruce said as they walked.

"You make him sound like that meanie Discord," Pinkie said, "Would the Elements work on him?"

"Considering what they did to our two young companions, I'd strongly advise against trying,"
Bruce said.

"Took the words right outta ma mouth," Applejack said.

"In that case, you need to brush your teeth more," Bruce said.

12) Derivatives are Not Disintegration

Derivatives are Not Disintegration

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Makoto looked up from the book. "How is it I can understand all of this, but we can't talk with them?" she asked as Patrick set another set of books into the reject pile.

"The spell I used was based on psychometry, the intent of the author is ground into the pages. It guides the understanding of language," Patrick replied, "If these books had been commercially printed, the spell wouldn't have anything to grab hold of." He sat back and rubbed his eyes. "There is no record of male alicorns. I think if push came to shove, I could put together a ritual to raise a pony into an alicorn, but there were no naturally occurring male alicorns. I don't think it has anything to do with male disposability, i.e., there were some but they died to protect Celestia and Luna."

"Or Cadence," Makoto added.

"The records on Cadence are even sketchier than those on Celestia and Luna," Patrick said, "Either to protect her privacy, or they just didn't write it down. Lots of 'secrets' have been lost that way: everybody knows it, then everyone who knows it figures someone else will pass it on before they die."

"But nopony did," Makoto said, cocked her head, "Or they didn't consider it important or ancient enough to record here. That's the other weird thing, the lack of folklore. Human literature is full of monsters and magic, here where they've actually got them, it isn't recorded."

"Humans are apex predators, by our mastery of language and technology, and forming alliances with our strongest competitors. Friendship, if you will," Patrick said, "They had it from the beginning and they are herd herbivores, so they had no need to speculate on great heros, monsters and feats of daring do, or create books about it. Reality was enough to provide them all the adventure they wanted. We had to subdue powerful, external forces, force the land to give us crops, but ponies have magic to do all that. If humans had the power of ponies, we'd have colonies on other planets, artificial intelligences, toilet seats that raised or lowered depending on who walked into the stall, etc."

"Sounds like the Silver Millennium," Makoto said, then stopped and grinned as the last 'accomplishment' filtered in, "You two always lowered the seat, and the lid."

"That was a handful, I'm talking about the whole population," Patrick said then looked around and sighed, "I'm hungry. And with 'the neko' eager to drink out of the blue-water bowl, you bet we did."

Makoto grimaced. "Yeah, they're so proud of their food, but, it all tastes like cardboard. Those apples that the orange pony gave us, a drawing of an apple would taste better. Why did neko always want to lick somebody after it did that."

"Yes, but it'll keep us alive." Patrick stood and offered his arm to Makoto, "And the neko was a cat, a mischief maker from the word go, it wanted us to freak out. If it could have figured out food coloring it would have driven us crazy."

She giggled and took it. "I still miss her, or was it a him, or you know what I mean." Patrick gestured and returned the hundreds of books to the cart for the librarians to reshelve. Their escorts were reading their own books in the anteroom of the guarded collection. Butterfly looked up and waved, Macho-Idiot looked like they'd caught her molesting foals.

"If I ever get that bad," Makoto said and nodded towards the embarrassed pegasus, "Kick me, hard."

"You got the good masculine traits," he told her, "And the stereotypical feminine ones. Without the hypergamy, it's probably why you couldn't get dates, no guy wants to date a girl who's a better 'knight' than he is."

"You and Ranma don't seem to mind," Makoto said, as she ignored the rainbow-maned pegasus trying to explain away the book she'd been avidly reading. Explaining in a language neither human could understand.

"We're a little out of the normal range, Shorty," Patrick said, and smiled as Makoto positively glowed at the affectionate insult.

They noticed Butterfly's intense interest, and Macho-Idiot's intense disgust. Neither cared as they headed off to get some food.

The fairy-tale decorations and architecture continued through the castle's interior, and the absolute crowds of walking and flying ponies staggered the imagination.

"Why are some of them, most of them, wearing clothes?" Makoto asked, "Most of the ones in the town only wore - what's the word?"

"P.P.E.," Patrick said, "Personal Protective Equipment. Yeah, hat for the farmer out in the sun all day, lab coats for the doctors, and the like. These are for decoration. They have to show off they don't have to actually work. The fancier the clothes, the more loudly they proclaim 'I'm so rich and powerful I can afford to be useless.'"

Makoto snickered at that.

The guard cordon and their own strange appearance drew stares, shouts of alarm and some outright sprinting away while screaming in terror. Butterfly and Macho-Idiot kept covering their faces with their forelegs, an action the guards seemed to want to duplicate, but their professionalism denied them the opportunity.

The castle had a buffet set up. A huge array of dishes set out to sample. All vegetarian, and all with another characteristic in common.

Makoto managed not to spit out what she'd just tasted. "This is awful."

"Bad?" Patrick asked as their two minders eagerly dug into the spread, then he sampled some of what he'd put on his plate, "No, bad would at least be something. Have they got any seasonings?"

"You think this will be any better?" Makoto handed over what looked like a bottle of tabasco.

Patrick applied some liberally to the food, tasted it and stifled a frown. "Better, no, different, yes. I must say, that Usagi's cooking would be welcome at this point."

"Before or after our lessons with her?" Makoto said and sighed, before collecting enough to stave off her hunger.

"Either, even before you could hardly call what she made unflavorful. I've smeared stuff on a wall that had more flavor than this stuff." He laughed. "This is like the slop they served the kids at the beginning of Oliver, it was so bad they actually started singing about it. They have no idea how lucky they were."

"So, dinner and a movie?" Makoto asked.

"Why not?" Patrick replied and cleared his throat.

Harry looked over the documents and the diagrams he'd created. While Carl had been helpful in the basics, the deeper analysis had to fall to the wizard. While he'd worked, the reporter had been trying to communicate with the library's dragon. Something's wrong, he thought as he looked over the diagrams he'd made in his analysis of the spell that had brought them here, There's something missing. There should have been seven of us.

"Mr. Kolchak, what do you know about numerology, or special numbers?" Harry asked.

Carl shrugged. "One, two, three, seven, twelve?" he asked, "That kind of thing?"

"Exactly," Harry said, "Then if we're important, why are there only six of us?"

"There are six mares who used their superweapon. Maybe six is an important number for them," Carl said.

"That would work," Harry admitted, "But to get us, they'd have to conform to some of our world's standards."

"Assuming that all of us come from the same world," Carl said.

You were convinced we did, Harry thought, while he stared at Carl, I know about the theory of multiple worlds, but there are supposed to be barriers to prevent people from crossing over.

Carl counted off the points. "Patrick's an American wizard, and he's never heard of you. Makoto and Ranma are both from suburbs of Tokyo, they've never heard of each other, and none of us have heard of them. I've never even heard of the Outsider, and I've seen a lot. So what are the chances we're all from similar but separate worlds. One is important to us, but six is important to them."

I hate it when he makes sense, Harry thought. "So what does that mean about getting home? We all decide on one planet and emigrate there? I have responsibilities 'back home'," Harry said.

Carl shrugged. "As long as they have newspapers." He smiled. "It will be interesting ripping the lid off the conspiracy of silence that your people have woven."

Mind magic is illegal for a reason, Harry reminded himself.

The crash and scream came from outside the library. All three of them dashed for the small door. Harry got there first and squeezed out. The tiny dragon came next and Carl last, as he'd retrieved his camera and other gear.

The creature standing in the town square tossing guards around was magnificent. Tan body, blond mane and tail, like a surfer from an old movie. More a horse than pony shape, but an alicorn nonetheless. "Where is Rainbow Dash?" the figure demanded.

"Out of your league kid," Harry said and loosened the blasting rod in its holster, "Who are you, and where are you from?"

The alicorn stared at Harry. "A human, in Equestria? What is this, some cheap fanfiction version?"

Harry half-expected a bolt from the blue to slay the blasphemer, when none came he resigned himself to deal with the interloper. "Would that make you a self-insert?" Harry asked, "That's what you were planning on anyway Gary Stu."

Have to thank Billy and Co. for the lessons on Internet culture, Harry thought as Gary trembled with rage.

"I am not some lame Anon who gets all the mares! Rainbow and I are soul-mates!" Gary shouted, then opened fire.

Harry was delighted to see magical fire spewing from the alicorn's horn. This is going to be easy! he thought.

"Glor - i - ous food!" the blond-maned unicorn completed the song to the accompaniment of fireworks as he stood atop the pyramid of stallions, while at the opposite end of the banquet hall, the mare in the wizard's hat atop a pyramid of mares sang counterpoint.

Makoto peeked over the redoubt of tables as the ponies completed the song and returned to whatever they'd been doing moments earlier. She scanned their faces for any signs of irritation at having been somehow coerced into the performance. Fortunately, she saw none. She turned and grabbed Patrick's collar to turn him to face her. "You are NEVER singing around ponies again, clear?"

"Crystal. I'm just glad it was the original, rather than the Buzzard Berkeley version where we were on the menu," Patrick replied, peeking over the upturned tables. "At least now we know some pony words."

"You do know we still have to eat that stuff," Makoto pointed out.

"Drat, I was hoping they would have spilled it all," Patrick replied and winced, "What the -?" The scroll had appeared out of nowhere and bounced off his head. "What a way to run a post office, at least we don't have to worry about owl scat everywhere." He unrolled the scroll as their escorts, and the two lead singers rushed over. Or limped over in the stallion's case. "Weird, he was fine during the song," he said as he turned his back so everyone could look over his shoulders at the message, rather than block it out for everyone.

Makoto waved them forward, she recognized the gesture from the dream where the other Senshi would put their heads between others and the message. Then he'd turn their heads transparent and freak out everyone, she thought as she looked at the excellent drawing of an alicorn hovering over a burning village and running, screaming ponies everywhere. The crude map showing the rivers and a mountain with a castle on the side indicated their location, and the location of the event.

"That's close," Makoto said, "Isn't that where Harry and Carl are?"

"Yeah, time for drastic measures, we need to be there now," Patrick replied and motioned their escorts closer.

13) Whose Side Are They On Really?

Whose Side Are They On Really?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Uitorembina had named himRunner, since as a low-caste type unaligned with Baker or Scotty's faction, he was often tasked with carrying messages when they weren't speaking to each other. Running the messages between them. He'd noticed that ponies gave up that behavior as foals, only to pick it up as teenagers when hormones overwhelmed their developing brains. He was glad of the added name. Names given by your betters amounted to great currency among elves who collected new sobriquets, nom de plumes, epithets, and nom de gurres as bankers collected deposits and mortgage payments. And a name from the doughnut shop's new owner was high currency indeed.

He mourned the loss of Recurring Snow, but that was an identity he had to abandon. While he had met the necessary requirement, revealing that would have drastic consequences. Revealing he was neither an elf nor a pony would have even greater consequences. Rarely did he have to move as quickly as he did today. The chain of messages would take too long to reach the hive, and would lack the emotional appeal, and he would not be able to be cross-examined to provide all the intelligence the hive-queen would require.

He transformed into a pegasus, flew a good distance away from the city, resumed his native form and teleported the remaining distance to the secluded hive.

Comb was the second hive-queen he'd ever met. Chrysalis, brr, he thought as he let the guards check him, before he approached her. Like her name suggested, coming into her presence was like coming home to a restful place. In other moments he wondered if her power to put Lings at ease added to her intelligence gathering. Today, he thought, I don't care . . .yes I do, I'll need that calmness.

"My Queen," he said and bowed briefly to show obeisance, but not low or long enough to waste time,"I have not broken cover, but have broken protocol to save time." He paused long enough to let Comb glance at him, time being her most valued possession, she hated not to use every moment to the utmost.

"We should warn off the planned attack on Equestria, as these faux-alicorns and nightmares plague them. They have gathered a new set of defenders. One is a dragon more lethal and vicious than the Equestria variety, who slew Tirek out of hoof. Two are wizards, one who reportedly raised 60 million year old bones to make a battle-zombie, the other fought a legion of elves singlehandedly and won. Additionally, they have a magical female who regularly dispatches magical foes of Sombra's caliber. A martial artist who defeated a demigod single-handed and impresses the others with his skill. A ferreter of information who has survived more dark encounters than all the Element Bearers combined. And an alien my sources cannot even identify, except as an Outsider, implying outside of everything."

"Reliability?" Comb asked,"Specifics."

"Harry Dresden, is probably a match for an alicorn, he is beyond dangerous. The elves I have been working with speak about him in whispers, how he is being groomed as a thrall for their highest nobility, yet is too powerful to simply seize. His first major action as a youth was slaying a demi-god.

"Patrick Buchanan, the elves don't speak about him at all. Save that as rearguard facing the entire Shining Legion, some 3000 nobles and 12,000 elite troopers, a unit behind lost sight of them for 2 minutes, and when they arrived at the battlefield 10 minutes later, the Shining Legion was gone. Not corpses, not blood stains, gone. He was seriously injured by the Elements of Harmony, nearly killed by them, so he has one vulnerability.

"Makoto Kino, with her teammates, took on Sombra-level opponents on a weekly to monthly basis and Nightmare Moon-level once a season, and prevailed. Her allies are sufficiently ruthless, one slew her pair-bonded partner who was actually an infiltrator. She also was seriously injured by the Elements of Harmony, nearly killed by them, so she has that same vulnerability."

"Reports are she is trying to form these people into a coherent team," Comb added, "So that ability should be considered a power as well. Continue."

He nodded. "Carl Kolchak, no 't' in the name, has overcome a legion of supernormal foes with just his wits, research skills and determination. While unpowered, he cannot safely be discounted. If it has a weakness, he will find and exploit it.

"Ranma Saotome, also unpowered, but a skilled hand to hand fighter, and shrewd tactician, sufficient so he too overwhelmed a demi-god with his skills and mind. He also has alternate forms, so an untrained shapechanger, implying untapped mystical abilities."

"We may offer him control over them, to buy our lives," Comb said, "And I assume that this Makoto has been exerting effort to keep him in the hive she's building?"

"Yes, the last, we have no information on species, history or motivations, an alien of completely unknown capability, although Buchanan seems to know of them, the elves speak in whispers of 'Outsiders' but will divulge no more. This one withstood the Elements of Harmony without effect. He is also the only one of them who can understand Equestrian languages. The Equestrians have nicknamed him 'Bruce'."

"Anything further?" Comb asked.

"Not at this time, Highness," he said, "I would return to gather more data."

She nodded and he raced back to the bakery, hoping to avoid suspicion.

The Hive-Queen he'd left behind was now consumed by her own thoughts. These creatures are too dangerous, she considered, But if they are not hostile, then treating them as dangerous, may become a self-fulfilling prophesy. 'You look into the mirror and what you expect to see is what is.' That's what it means.

She considered the risks versus the time, and came to the same conclusion that her loyal infiltrator had. Some messages had to be delivered in person without the safety the normal chain of cut outs and dead drops provided. She sighed and teleported, finding herself in the isolated cave in the side of the Canterhorn. A suit of guard's armor awaited her, to change to form a similar suit would not be dangerous, but risked losing time, which was in short supply, and enhanced the chance of discovery which would cost more time. So she wore the physical trappings, as she shifted into a pegasus' form and raced through the cordons that surrounded the city, the government center, and only landed and cantered forward when she was in the royal sector proper.

She was glad the guards were reinforced enough to include an officer who would recognize the sigil that gave her access to this 'holy of holies'. Access yes, but not unverified, as the guard summoned Comb's patron and confidant in Equestria.

"Let her enter," Celestia said, and glanced at the guards,"No one, not even Princess Luna is to enter without my say."

The lieutenant gulped but nodded, letting Comb pass. The instant the door closed and locked, Celestia's magic, Comb found herself engulfed in a wings and forelegs hug that was the second reason for the armor as it creaked under the assault.

The Nymphs will dine well this month, Comb thought as the love directed at her streamed through and proceeded to the hive.

"I've missed you and our talks," Celestia said, and carefully removed Comb's helmet, "Or is this business?"

"A little of both," Comb said as she selected the combs and brushes,"I wonder what my fellowlings would think about my name being because of these, rather than a honeycomb?"

Celestia laughed. "Is it good news or bad?"

"A bit of both," Comb said as she began currying the Diarch,"I have an answer to your frightening dream, and a caution. Equestria is the mirror, and the creatures that came out of it, are your new allies. They will be friends or foes, depending on how they are treated."

Celestia facehooved. "I should have realized that," she said as she relaxed under Comb's careful grooming.

Rarity glanced around. The wizard had been doing quite well fighting the faux-alicorn and buying time to evacuate Ponyville, until two more of the 'bronicorns' showed up. Then he'd managed to thoroughly infuriate both of them. She put aside that the bronicorns could communicate simultaneously with the Equestrians and the newcomers, and concentrated on getting the slower and more panicky out of the line of fire. Twilight had fled the instant one of the faux-alicorns had proclaimed his 'love' for Twilight.

Rarity had never been happier at the arrival of more monsters. There was a soft boom, and the pair who'd gone to Canterlot arrived with Fluttershy and Rainbow. Oddly, an afterimage of them receded back towards Canterlot. Rarity filed that away as the male dropped off the female, and he began firing something into the burning thatch of homes that were collateral damage from the battle with the wizard. Whatever he was using, the fires vanished immediately. The female kept up a steady barrage of lightning to keep the other bronicorns away from the huddling citizens. The firefighter swept over the town putting down the myriad fires.

An oddly swirling lightning storm appeared on the ground, and Applejack's group appeared through it.

"Again, again, again!" Pinkie shouted, then her eyes went wide, "Sugarcube Corners!" She dashed towards the damaged bakery.

Twilight poked her head out of a rain barrel. She was spotted immediately.

"Twilight! I am your soul-mate, be my pegasister!" The bronicorn swooped down towards the panic-stricken mare.

He passed between the red and black clad newcomer, and the lightning thrower. Their fists converged on the bronicorn's skull, bring him to a complete halt and collapsing him onto the ground between them. Rarity sighed with relief, then gasped as the bronicorn stood up, unsteadily, but he still stood up.

He tossed his mane, and looked ready to toss his cookies. "You cannot harm a man who has dreamed the dreams I have," the bronicorn slurred as he wobbled on his hooves.

Lightning and Red-and-Black exchanged glances then switched their synchronized strike from the upper front of the bronicorn, to the lower rear. Even Rarity winced at that hit, and the thoroughly pacified bronicorn's Cutie Mark transformed into a rolled-up wood louse, eerily mirroring its owner. Rarity saw no sympathy, concern or triumph on the faces of the victors.

Red-and-Black walked over to the rain barrel and said something that meant nothing to Rarity. He turned back to Lightning and called out in a confused tone.

"The bronicorns speech can be 'heard' by both of us, " Rarity told Red-and-Black, who shook his head. Rarity frowned that the effect was exclusive to the bronicorns and she carefully shook Twilight to get the mare's mind back to somewhere it might be useful.

Mrs. Dresden's favorite son was not having any fun, Harry thought as the flying bolt-lobber made another strafing run, keeping Harry pinned down, but also keeping the feathered menace away from the ponies. He glanced over the town where pillars of white smoke rose. It's not my fault, he thought then considered he hadn't seen black smoke, White smoke means the fires are going out, hooray for our side.

His good cheer vanished as he saw who had come to assist him. Anyone but him, he thought as the Outsider brought the feathered menace under fire, and waved a tentacle at Harry, It isn't fair. First there was one, easily handled. Then three, trouble. But did I have to have a flippin' Outsider rescue me?

He dashed from his hideyhole and looked over the ponies coming out of their hiding places and surveying the damage to their homes, business, and civic institutions. "It's not my fault," he told them, then noted that the Outsider was returning with a thoroughly subdued feathered menace, to the cheers of the populace.

He followed and began helping with the clean-up.

Author's Note

rembina - entangled
uito (interjection) - it is not that (emphatic word for no?)

14) Finding Allies in Unexpected Places

Finding Allies in Unexpected Places
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Patrick hadn't known what the little filly with the crown was saying, but she had made clear there were four of these rapacious idiots, not three, and number four had raced away flying nape of the earth in the direction of something important.

A suite of detection spells were basically screaming, 'no you idiot the ponies are all behind you', but a faint whisper drew the man forward. A few small groups were far outside the town, but one trace wasn't moving. Unusual for a farm away from sleep or mealtime. That was his target as he too flew low and circled around to come at the idiot from a direction opposite the way to town.

Three fillies in a force cage, a winged idiot with a horn, and no one else as he lounged around a tree with a treehouse in it. Problem was, he was getting three targets, not four. Which means that either those things aren't ponies, he thought, Or its stealthed, or they are stealthed. Let's hope they aren't good strategists.

"Thought you Crusaders could just hide in your fort and no-pony would find you?" the alicorn laughed, and ignored whatever the fillies said in return. Although the one with the hairbow's assertion got a chilling response. "I'm counting on it. I want them to watch what happens to you."

Patrick dug up a bit of soil, used it as a focus to form a simulacrum, before casting an anti-magic field on the force cage and sending in the decoy. If these idiots use a different substrate and path, I just gave the game away, he thought, then relaxed as the force cage vanished.

The simulacrum gestured, as Patrick teleported the fillies back towards town.

"Well, a hero, but you ruined our fun," the alicorn growled.

'Our', Patrick thought, This is not going to end well, as two more alicorns appeared and cast restraining spells on the simulacrum, Okay two more, I'm going to keep hiding and watching for how many more of these bastards show up. I thought they were showing up one at a time. Wait a second, maybe she meant there were four of them that headed out here. I hate it when things get interesting.

Carl wasn't used to being hailed as a hero, but the ponies he'd sheparded to safety certainly thought he was. There seemed to be some agreement among the other groups that his organizing the running away had been worthy of recognition.

"Kids," he explained to Dresden as another mother hugged Carl for having corralled the kids and gotten them out of the line of fire. To say that Dresden was taking the paucity of accolades directed at him badly was an understatement. "Well, you did toast most of their homes."

"It wasn't my fault," Harry replied, "There were too many of them."

"Funny how the guy shooting fire isn't at fault for setting buildings on fire," Carl replied, "I'm actually glad you and your kind stick to the shadows. We couldn't survive too much active 'help' from people like you. Maybe Patrick could teach you some extinguishing spells, or do only Outsiders know how to clean up their messes?"

Makoto separated the two. "I'm sure there's something both of you can do separately." Carl watched Dresden muttering something as he marched off. "Okay, where'd Patrick run off to?" she asked.

"I don't know," Carl admitted, "I was basically trying to keep my head down, and keep the others moving to safety." He briefly considered the woman. "How do you relate to the public?"

"People don't recognize that the senshi are, when in our normal identities," Makoto said, "And since the manga is out, a lot of what we do is dismissed as a publicity stunt. For us, we need time not to be 'saviors of the world' and just be regular people."

Carl nodded and accepted another tearful accolade from a family.

Makoto was worried. Patrick and Ranma need keepers, not friends, she thought as she headed in the direction the filly in the tiara had sent Patrick, Normally they're level headed enough, but when kids need rescuing, it's as if they suddenly think of themselves as disposable. 'Pot meet kettle.'

She heard the voices, and nearly didn't slow down.

"Come on, squeal."

"Mebee he likes it too much?"

"Well you sure like it."

"Just ready for when Applejack gets here."

She peeked through a bush, and the world clouded with a red mist. She'd faced enemies, enemies who'd threatened to marry her and all that implied, but none of them, not her foes, nor Patrick's, nor Ranma's were doing what these bastards were doing to Patrick, and then planned to repeat on the ponies. She blinked and the mist cleared, the anger left her. She felt oddly serene as she'd seen with Ranma in practice or when Patrick was scheming, but never felt it herself. She was concerned, not worried, that she was feeling it now, but she'd consider that later.

She made no speech, called no attack, she fired three quick bursts into the trio. One went down instantly, the other two staggered away from the broken, bleeding, naked figure they'd been holding down while their friend had been torturing him.

Her next shot met shields, but most of it got through. Enough to set the alicorn on fire in several places. She ignored him as he flailed in the dust to extinguish himself. Her fists rose and fell on the last, shattering his shield and most of the skeleton beneath, then removed feathers, hair and teeth. A blow went wide as someone grabbed her arm. She turned and regarded who had spoiled her aim.

"I appreciate the sentiment," Patrick told her, clothed, unbloodied and unbruised, as the brutalized figure returned to the dirt from which it had been formed, "But we need them alive, at least one."

Every emotion she felt crashed down on her: relief he was unhurt, rage at him and them for what she'd seen, horror at what she'd done and planned to do, joy he was with her and not horrified by her action, and an odd sadness she couldn't in good conscience finish what she started.

She settled on hugging him till his ribs creaked.

"Ha, I knew I'd draw you out!" another voice called out, "And now -"

BOOM.

The winged, now-hornless unicorn flew out of the woods' upper branches and crashed into the ground. He twitched once then lay still.

Ranma lowered the .45 from the stance he'd shot the late-arriving alicorn from. "And now it drew you out," Ranma said, as he safed the pistol.

The only one left in condition to speak looked at Ranma. "But guns are a dishonorable weapon."

Ranma squatted next to the alicorn. "Even if that was true, they'd be perfect to use on you," Ranma said, mirroring the icy calm that Makoto had felt a few moments earlier.

Makoto glanced worriedly over at the two boys, men, Patrick to Ranma, she knew they had both seen her, what she had done. The other senshi would never have approved.

The kiss on the forehead shocked her. The one-armed hug from behind stunned her more.

"We like someone who'll charge to our rescue," Patrick told her as he kissed her again.

"Yep," Ranma said as he hugged her.

"I am going to - YIPE!" one of the fallen winged unicorns said.

"How does she hit there without trying to aim?" Ranma asked as he kept an arm around Makoto's waist and stared at the curled up alicorn.

"She just channels the frustration from dealing with us, like the Force," Patrick said, and cast a spell that bound the alicorns to the ground.

"Okay," Ranma said and rubbed his hands together, "I picked up your tools along with the backup pistol. You two go 'discuss' and I'll have a chat with this one, and any of the others who wake up."

Makoto blushed, remembering the first time he and she had nearly died, a week or two before they'd met Ranma, and what they'd done together afterwards. She leaned into Patrick as Ranma released her. She took the lead and led Patrick into the woods.

Returning from the Los Pegasus City Hospital, he had two pieces of good news. First, the alicorns had left the city, seriously reducing the chance that they'd interfere with his activities, and second, Posey had brief periods of wakefulness. Her unconsciousness was no longer a coma, but regular, restful sleep.

I should visit her, he thought as he approached the bakery, Make her squeak and tell her all of what's going on. Or maybe not, act like a completely cucked knight and tell her the complete, unvarnished truth. If she confronts me on it, I can always tell her I told her.

He was nearly chuckling about that, when he felt the disturbance within the bakery warned him that the symptoms weren't the disease.

He entered normally, as his senses had not yet picked up the intrusion. The security system was providing enough information that targeting would be possible, if imprecise.

Leveling the building remains an option, he considered as the elves stepped out of their hideyholes.

"The Lords of Krevinim, representatives of the Queen," Baker said. Scotty looked like he was ready to eat old paint and spit bullets. Before he could introduce himself, the leader sneered.

"You are a pony, you think I would be impressed by you?" the Elflord asked, "You are a game children play."

"Very advanced children, to game with Oloristyar Fëarámalócë," he told the elf, "Or has it been long enough that your kind has forgotten Uitorembina." He glanced at the elves' rapidly dampening shoes and sniffed the air, "Apparently not. However, I am the owner, I fulfilled the Queen's conditions, and I give you leave to depart with the news." He nodded to them.

And hope bloomed on the elvish faces, he thought, Can't have that.

"Unless," he said and grinned at their resurgence of terror, "You wish proof of bloodletting to take back to your Queen." He glanced around, tapping a hoof on his chin as if trying to choose which of their party would provide the proof. He wouldn't kill them, just damage them enough they'd live out the rest of their long lives in disfigurement and physical agony. The disfigurement and resulting social agony would be worse of the two torments.

One of the smartest, although not highest ranked, managed to blurt out, "Your word is sufficient. Thank you." He bowed and departed before his allies had the insight to do so as well.

Unfortunate, he thought, They followed suit so quickly.

"The contract was with the Queen I take it?" he asked Baker and Scotty.

"Aye," Scotty said, "And those jackanapes tho' we'd crumble ta them."

"They're so used to lying about their status, they've come to believe it," Baker replied, "As you said, if our contract is with the Queen, it is she who must fulfill it."

He nodded. "Good news is we'll be open for business at regular hours." He waited while they cheered. "The bad news is that the Equestrian nobles are getting suspicions, so I'd gin up some 'typical' working clothes for the inevitable meeting."

"Can't you keep them away?" Runner asked.

"I can, and they'll redouble their efforts to speak to you," he told them, "To ensure I'm not enslaving you myself."

He shrugged and let the elves laugh at the absurdity of a nonelf ever enslaving an elf, without the elves killing the enslaver, horribly and brutally.

Author's Note

Spark winged dragon - fëarámalócë
scholar, learned man - istyar
vision, dream - olos (olor-)

rembina - entangled
uito (interjection) - it is not that (emphatic word for no?)

15) You Bring Who You Are with You

You Bring Who You Are with You
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Rarity had sweated the information out of Sweetie Belle and Applebloom, and pursued the team into the area of the Crusader's clubhouse. The run to that location would require a spa visit earlier that her usual schedule but matters need as they must. She'd even accept a drenching in tree sap, as long as the alien heroes were all right.

She arrived to less of a disaster than she'd feared. She settled in a bush to watch. Black-and-Red had positioned himself in front of the four bronicorns, who were chained to the ground. The horrified looks and desperate scrabbling at the ground by the four miscreants made her think of how to rescue them.

Then she stopped and really looked and listened. Red-and-Black held up a small sharp tool she recognized.

"Dental pick?" one of the bronicorns whimpered.

That's where I know it from, Rarity realized as Red-and-Black made small motions with it, demonstrating its use, What's so scary about dental tools? Yes it's uncomfortable, but it isn't as bad as their reaction implies.

Red-and-Black held up another small tool, similar to the screwdriver she used to fix her glasses or change out the needles in her sewing machines. And his gestures mirrored the motions she herself would put it through.

"Removing tiny parts?" another bronicorn mewled, then fainted.

Rarity stared at the scene in utter confusion, until it hit her. He could be giving the same speech to Cheerilee's class, and they'd be watching in fascination, Rarity thought, But to these monsters, they see only harm and evil, in even so innocent a demonstration as this. Red-and-Black knows it too. They are bringing the evil and terror to the party, he's just letting their imaginations run wild. The Crusaders would think about building for their next Crusade, but these, they only see implements of torture.

She sat down to watch. Part Schadenfreude, part enjoying an artist at work, and part as backup if needed.

Ranma thought he'd softened up the four 'alicorns' and was confident that the locals would have little problem with them. He saw Patrick and Makoto returning. There were a few grass stains on his clothes, but he was smiling. She had a few bits of bracken in her hair and a serene grin as she rested her head on Patrick's shoulder, and held his hand on her stomach, while her other arm encircled his waist.

Utterly happy and 'MINE!!!' all rolled up into one package, Ranma thought, and was worried about a feeling of jealousy, It would be all right if I was just jealous of Patrick, Makoto is wonderful, but why the heck am I jealous of Makoto? Heck, why am I jealous at all? All I have to do is walk within reach and they'll gather me in. The only reason it isn't a threesome, or shudder a foursome, is because I haven't decided I want it to be, and they respect that.

He sighed and stood up. The desires were getting troublesome, and they were new, not counting the dream.

Wait a second, he thought, That dream, that's where all this started. Patrick couldn't have, nor could Carl or Makoto, Harry's a clever howitzer, that leaves . . . , he let the thought trail off, because he was the only one who could confront their other ally.

He patted the unicorn mare on the head, making her scream and jump out of the bush she thought she'd been hiding in. She launched into a blistering tirade. Ranma just looked at Patrick and Makoto and sighed with dewy eyes, then tapped his fist on his head. The unicorn's tone changed from angry to frantic explanations. The switch back to the whole scenario being his fault never came, which was a surprise.

I wonder if not blaming me for everything is a pony-thing, or if other people act like that? he wondered as Patrick collected the cowed to comatose alicorns in a force bubble, and headed back to town.

The unicorn trotted along behind, trying to make herself understood. Ranma wasn't quite sure if she was talking about his clothes or his skin. Since she seemed to be implying she'd change it, he was hoping clothes. For once, he treasured his inability to speak to someone.

Patrick had gathered Harry and Carl in the library. He checked the heavy door before closing it behind him. "I know you both say you hail from Chicago, well so do I originally, I am curious to see if it's the same or similar Chicagoes." He cleared the sheet music off the piano's bench.

"How are you going to do that?" Harry asked as they approached the piano and Patrick sat down in front of it.

"A quantum resonance scan would be the first choice, but if we were transferred here, then we'd read as locals, not ourselves," Patrick explained as he tested that the piano was in tune and he could actually play it, "The bimorphic field distortion is useless without a zero point to start with, so that's out, so I'm going to go old school. Just imagine this as an 88-string guitar." He started playing.

"Music?" Carl asked.

"The street lamps are on in Chicago tonight, and lovers are gazin' at stars," Patrick sang.

"The store are all closin', and Daley is dozin'," Carl joined in.

"And the fat man's countin' the cars," Harry reluctantly joined in.

Makoto had been walking around town trying to lift the spirits of those whose homes and businesses had been damaged. The native wings-and-horns group had arrived, but Makoto could see that the events of the past were beginning to wear on the locals.

She'd used her muscle and lightning powers to help as much a she could. But it isn't enough, she thought as she glanced at Ranma who was showing off to a pack of youngsters, he was juggling, not just with his hands, but with his feet, kicking objects into the air to join the ones he was tossing about. Even the really alien creature was trying to assist, helping mainly with the wounded.

When everypony in the area suddenly stopped and stiffened, Makoto got the urge to run. Both Ranma and the Elder Thing picked up on it as quickly as she had. Before she could turn and run, two ponies grabbed her arms and dragged her over to one of the unicorns who'd been on the assault team. They'd dragged Ranma and the Elder Thing over as well. Makoto glanced around for a moment looking for outside threats. She didn't want to believe that after all they'd done for the ponies that she and the others were going to be murdered out of hand.

Then one of them tied a silk scarf around her hair like a bandana. Another tied a long, thin scarf around her waist, then shorter ones at the elbows and knees. She glanced over at the Elder Thing who'd been provided a hat adorned with a skull and crossed bones, and three eye patches.

Someone sat a small pegasus in a parrot costume on her shoulder. The pegasus began taking pictures of the assembly of pirate-clad ponies who'd surrounded them. Makoto glanced at Ranma who was fending off the orange, Stetson-wearer who was trying to thrust a hook into his hand, but while Orange had him distracted, the pink neither not only thrust one in his other hand, but duct taped it on. A tricorn hat completed the ensemble.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Ranma asked.

Makoto grimaced and nodded. "Don't sing around ponies," Makoto warned as the line of pirate ponies belted out the song as they gathered every loose wagon and cart around the library.

"Be it Edsel or Chevy," they sang as a red stallion lifted a cart over his head and carried it after the others, "There's no car too heavy."

The song slipped out of phase for a moment, with Orange holding up a pick axe, Hairbow hold a sledge hammer. The Pink pulled the hockey mask over her face and gunned the chainsaw she was wielding. Makoto and Ranma stared at the spectacle and only jumped when the ruler of ponies stuck her head between them and announced, "But little care I for the law!"

The ponies who owned the flower shop, and seemed to have fainting as their primary vocation extolled their good manners, then while the pile of wagons and carts around the library grew these same shop ponies displayed any number of tattoos and improvised weapons.

"I wonder if this 'Joilet' charm school is like Furiken is supposed to be a High School," Ranma said.

"Sometimes I wondered about Juuban High the same way," Makoto replied.

The Elder Thing looked at them with its two, non-patched eyestalks. Ranma shrugged. The Elder Thing replied with a five-tentacle near equivalent. All three of them returned to watching the spectacle, and moving closer to the library which seemed to be the epicenter.

They paused as all three in the wings-and-horn brigade dragged a large, blue shed with a blinking light on top towards the assembly of carts.

"Police?" Ranma asked, "Or my English isn't working."

"One of my friends spent time in England, they're sheds for the police to store stuff in, but they've been gone for years," Makoto said, and watched it vanish, "I hope I didn't do that."

The little dragon, in pirate regalia, stood atop a pile of carts, wagons, and other implements. "And when I've collected the ransom," the dragon sang, waving his sword in the air, "And sunk all the ones that won't yield," the dragon sang and drove his sword into the wagon he stood on, to cheers from the entire crowd.

Makoto and Ranma wormed their way through the maze of assembled carts to the door of the library. They entered and raced through the small corridors.

"Let's tow the bum out of town," Harry, Carl and Patrick sang. And froze as Makoto slammed the door open.

"What did we agree on about singing around ponies?" Makoto asked.

Carl proved his own skills by leaving a windowless room whose only door Makoto was blocking. Ranma looked at the vent which would have been too small for him or her, and watched the seersucker disappear in the distance.

"This room is soundproofed," Patrick said, stared at her adjusted costume, "What are they doing?"

"Just look!" she told him.

He jogged to the front door and looked around. "What? Walking around, maybe smiling a bit?"

Makoto and Ranma rushed to the door. The pile of carts, the piratical ponies, and even the scuff-marks on the turf were gone. The only vestige was the Elder Thing with the three eye patches, and Ranma's taped on hook.

"They - they - !?" Makoto insisted as she waved her arms around.

"I believe you," Patrick told her, "I also think it's less dangerous than we originally thought."

"Thank you," Makoto said, then realized Patrick was still staring at her, "What?"

"That's a good look for you," Patrick said, "Very Pirates of Penzance." He bowed. "Your majesty."

"No singing," she warned.

"Yes it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King, hurrah!" several ponies belted out.

"How can we understand their songs?" Harry asked.

Patrick sighed. "The man has no sense of the absurd. Because it's funny. That's how this place works. It's like a children's cartoon, certain things just work. Who pays for all the Acme stuff? Why do sentients try to eat each other? When are fur and feathers clothes or costume, and when are they skin? Depends on what's funny."

"Those alicorns aren't funny," Makoto pointed out.

"Fragments of unicorn horn?" Harry asked.

"Their name for the horns-and-wings brigade," Makoto said, "Is that what alicorn means in English?"

Harry nodded.

"How come he doesn't drop into lectures, like you do?" Makoto asked.

Patrick mimed being stabbed in the heart.

"So, aside from them having Busby Berkely as their patron saint, what did you learn," Harry asked.

"I'll get the yellow book notes later," Makoto said, "Hey, Ranma, you've got a good voice, want to help cheer up some kids?"

"As long as you aren't going to alternate me in water so we can do three part," Ranma said, "So, alto or baritone?"

"We'll decide when we get there. Do you think this song stuff works with Japanese?" Makoto asked.

Ranma froze. "Yes, I - oh sh- no, I remember the theme from Sailor Moon."

Makoto had him by the arm and was sprinting towards the hospital before he could escape.

16) Revolution or Mere Rotation?

Revolution or Mere Rotation?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Harry was looking at the collection of injured alicorns who had been taken during the fighting. Most of them had been cowed enough by the fighting, and that their feeling of invincibility had been shattered. They were still morose and petulant, like spoiled brats who'd always gotten away with things, on their first encounter with real consequences.

"You keep expecting all this to go away," Patrick said as he laid out a set of tools that looked like a cross between a jeweler's set and computer tech's, "It will, just not in the way you want." He set particular tools at locations around the circle Harry had drawn around them to help in their containment. "First, you've got no rights. There's no Constitution or Geneva Convention here. And if there were, spies and saboteurs are specifically excluded from the convention's protections. Now, my colleague here has problems with mind magic, it leads to all kinds of mental health issues later in life. I assure you, that won't be a problem. Sending you back as sociopaths who'll explode in violence later, well, you already are, so that's out. Then there's the question of whether your bodies and minds will survive, again, not a problem. The alicorns are otherwise busy, so as long as the brain-dead creature continues to be able to follow instructions, well, when your zombie corpse begins to putrefy back home, what the alicorns don't know won't hurt them."

Patrick shrugged. "Of course I could just put irresistible hunger in your minds and let things run their course. I doubt the locals will believe it's aberrant behavior for you lot. You seem to be running on your basest drives anyway."

"You don't scare - " the boast was interrupted as the alicorn fell down writhing and silently screaming.

"Good, fear dulls the intellect, while pain sharpens it," Patrick said as he laid down the last tools and sat down behind them, "So, I'm going to sharpen your recall, then I'm going to ask you questions."

"What if they die?" Harry asked.

"I'll have plenty of time to ask again on the way to the afterlife," Patrick said, "After all, just because they don't believe it on Earth has nothing to do with whether it's real here or not."

The mouthy alicorn shook off the effects of the interruption. "Is that all you got? I've had dental hygienist who hurt worse than - " And he was off to the worm dances again.

Clever, Harry thought, They don't understand he's torturing a simulation. They don't know each other, so they aren't an organized group. The rulers would never countenance torturing a real person, but this is just showing a movie of some pony being tortured to the villains. Harry didn't really approve, and wondered how closely it skirted to the Laws of Magic, but he couldn't deny the effectiveness.

"Look!" one of the other alicorns shouted, "The elf just promised we could go to Equestria, it's just a kids' show, what's your beef?"

Patrick glanced at Harry. He'd admitted his interrogation methods broke several of the Laws of Magic, so he'd let the licensed PI ask the questions.

Ranma had been looking for the Elder Thing after the songfest had broken up and Makoto had gone off to 'talk to a man about a horse'. Ranma found the creature standing behind the fountain as night fell and the ponies retreated to their homes. A public square was not the best place to question the creature, but inside meant very low ceilings, and while Ranma could crouch or sit, the Elder Thing had more trouble.

This is the one who put us in those dreams, Ranma thought as he approached, But why, and why did he make them go that way? Why do I feel the way I do? I liked the attention from all the girls, and the guys, but settling down with them and getting that close to them was strictly out. Why now? What did he do, and can he turn it off?

Trying to pantomime the questions would have been impossible, so Ranma had paper and pencil, and a good idea how to illustrate the questions and answers. He wanted to be able to explain it to Makoto and Patrick later, and get their interpretations.

Ranma wasn't a great artist by any stretch, but illustrating books on his martial arts, in the dream, had allowed him to develop the basics. The first picture was of the four of them: Patrick, Makoto, Ranma and the Neko all separate and distinct. The Elder Thing did something, wavy lines emanating from its tentacles, and then the five of them, now including Ranko, overlapped to the point of being obscured by each other.

The Elder Thing took the drawing and stared. It extended a tentacle and a light began to form. Ranma shook his head and handed the creature a clipboard with paper and several colored pencils. Ranma wanted a record of this conversation. It made a blue line to Patrick, green to Makoto, red to Ranko, black to Ranma, and purple to the Neko.

The stick figures showed a black one surrounded by yellow figures, while red and purple stood outside the crowd with little clouds raining on them. Ranma frowned at that, but looked at the next drawing.

Okay, that's bad, he thought as he looked at the blue and green stick figures surrounded by a blue aura getting hit and holes punched in them by yellow lines from six, stick-figure ponies, and a purple arrow moving off the page. The next drawing was of smaller yellow lines coming in from everywhere punching more holes, and the figures were smaller, then smaller still, then just a field of random yellow dashes.

Ranma quickly redrew the overlapping faces, but included the Neko, and color coded them as the Elder Thing had. He gave it to the Elder Thing, who added a series of dashed lines of each 'person' color, and fields of yellow lines around it like a representation of a magnetic field. The next drawing was just the encircling field of colored lines, solid not dashed, and the yellow field surrounding them.

Ranma looked at it and blew out a breath. "I don't like it, but it makes sense."

The Elder Thing handed Ranma a picture. One image where the five stick figures of their color: Patrick, Makoto, Ranma, Ranko and the Neko armed with torches and pitchforks chased a tree. Another was of the five plus presumably Carl and Dresden standing with the Elder Thing against several alicorn stick figures.

Ranma shrugged, he tapped the figures of Patrick and Makoto and mimed showing them the pictures. The Elder Thing shrugged in return.

Ranma looked at the pictures. I can understand why he did it, he thought, I don't have to like it. And I don't think Makoto or Patrick will like it either, but I doubt it'll come to pitchforks and torches.

Luna had seen Celestia getting rest in the fortified library, and she wanted to determine what the dreams of their new allies could reveal.

She hadn't expected the relatively pastoral scene of rolling hills with a large temple in the distance. It seems very strange, she thought as she looked at the waving deep grass, As if it wasn't a dream.

She nibbled a bit of grass, and she nearly fell over. She opened her mouth to gobble more down, then stopped herself. This grass cannot really exist! she thought, It's like the distillation of the most delicious grass. Not grass, but GRASS!

She brought herself under control and began walking the fields, the smells of wild flowers intoxicating in a literal sense. Is this how the bronicorns view us, as half-real, she wondered, If this is a dream, and it is this intensely scented and flavored . . . . She looked at the sky and the grass. But the colors are muted, and yet more subtly shaded, she thought, Is this their reality? Is it any wonder they think of us as unreal.

She walked towards the temple, noting the columns and weighted hangings between the columns fluttering in the breeze yet allowing no view of the interior. She continued to walk towards it, trying to judge the few snipets of sound that made it to her ears over the sounds of the gentle wind through the grass.

"Mrrow," came from a small hillock in front of her, that had been empty a moment before. The black and red clad alien sat on the rise and did a credible impersonation of a cat, idly grooming himself and enjoying the sunshine. When Luna took a step forward, towards the temple, the 'mrrow' was repeated, but the tone was less curious and more a warning. Luna took one more step, and the cat-grooming act stopped, and the alien simply stared at her. No part of his body language giving her a clue as to his intentions.

Or his intention is simply to react, Luna realized, The question is, will taking another step provoke a reaction, or just a warning.

Sitting down seemed to settle the alien slightly, as if presence was tolerable, but forward progress was to be dissuaded.

"So do we stare at one another for a while?" Luna asked.

Calm, she told herself, understanding her nature was not to tolerate being balked, Listening is acceptable, and it was the sound that drew me.

She listened. Hearing a bit of laughter, talk, male and female. When it hit her, it struck like a thunderbolt.

The last time I heard that was walking in on, interrupting, Shining Armor and Cadence, she thought and blushed at the memory of the tangled ponies and tangled bedclothes, They were frigidly polite to me for a week. Even in ancient days, there were faux pas that a ruler could make against her subjects.

Luna stood, causing the alien to tense, until she backed up and walked away.

All right, we do know one thing, she thought, They don't dream exactly as ponies do. And they do somethings pretty much as ponies do, at least if they are young lovers.

As nightmares went, Celestia's seemed very minor. These are the real ponies, she thought as she looked over the oddly modified chessboard, If they are lost here, they are really lost. I understand the metaphor, but why?

The rest of the room was bare, not floor, walls, nor ceiling. Just the board, a chess clock, and a table they rested on.

The creature who approached had an odd beauty to her. She looked very much like the group invaders who had last been helping Ponyville recover from the massed attack of 'bronicorns' as Rarity had dubbed them. But Celestia was more skilled at looking beneath the mask.

I've seen crueler creatures, but not recently or often, she thought as the creature sat across from her and set up her own side, So, it isn't even a fair fight, Celestia noted as the set up did not exactly mirror her own, You bring what you have, not a fair fight. Twilight and the others against whatever the best of her legions are.

Her stomach churned as she began the horrible process of deciding which pieces she could sacrifice for Equestria.

This is what I've always hated about rulership, about command, deciding who lives, who dies, and what they must face, she thought, But you don't care about the pieces sacrificed to win. Then Celestia was thunderstruck. You don't even care about winning, she realized, You just enjoy making me suffer. What have I done to you?

Celestia assayed a few moves, trying to keep her slow advance covered. If a piece moved, it was covered by one or two others. It made for a slow game, but it was the only way she could stomach it. Usually it was a guard sacrificed, and she had to use a Bearer, her sister, Cadence or one of the ponies she really knew, like Shining Armor, to take the attacker. Each loss flayed her a bit more, as her opponent never cared about the loss.

The sudden appearance of half dozen pieces on the board shocked both of them. The miasma of evil curdled Celestia's heart. The draconian features of the one who'd placed them did little to soothe her.

It looks like one of our dragons, Celestia thought, If one was possessed by both Sombra and Nightmare Moon at once. But she seems even less happy about this than I am. So not an ally.

The creature simply smiled and hit the stop on the chessclock. And his pieces moved. Not that he moved them, or that only one moved. All six moved at once of their own accord.

And very aggressively, Celestia thought as the advance took three of her opponent's pieces, But you're too aggressive, her counterstroke will end that. And the six are our newcomers, wait there are only five, where's the sixth?

Celestia watched as her opponent moved a piece forward to take 'Lightning'', only to have the piece vanish on contact in burst of St. Elmo's Fire and 'Lightning' to remain on the board. The dragon withstood the glare of Celestia's opponent and dismissed it with a shrug.

A more powerful piece advanced on the Fire-Wizard, not taking it but hemming it in. Then it was Celestia's turn again, and she took the hint, pulling her forces back. That earned her a glare from her opponent and a vague smirk from the dragon.

As her opponent reached across the table, a dozen pieces clattered onto the table from her sleeve. One, the reporter from the dragon's group, stood, tipped his hat and sprinted across the table to the safety of his allies.

If I could speak, I'd accuse her of cheating, Celestia thought, But she'd likely laugh in my face. She couldn't simply stack the rules in her favor, she had to cheat as well. Only someone else decided that 'if there are no rules, there are no rules'.

Her opponent swept the table clear of pieces, clock and board with an imperious stroke of her arm and stormed off.

Blueblood does that better, Celestia longed to say. The dragon set the pieces up on the board, his, and hers, all her lost restored. He set the clock to her turn, before he vanished. She looked at the board and wondered what the rules of this new game really were. And what did victory mean?

Eschewing the guard-pawns, she advanced both of her 'knights' as one. And watched the six move through their dance.

17) ﻿Dreams and Squared Circles

﻿Dreams and Squared Circles
Dan's Comments
﻿DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the
property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma
Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

He felt the air around him rife with dreams. He kept his tentacles firmly grasping the desire to go
out and help. The Arboreal hadn't been pleased with his manipulations, but was instead resigned
to them. It was a curious thing to desire to be in a more dangerous place, rather than desire to
overcome. He was idly speculating on that as he rested one mental node, then another so he'd be
fully refreshed in the morning, likely when the next attack would come.

It came to him that without the ability to switch on and off nodes, that the wide cognitive and
personality shifts that occurred naturally to his people as a consequence would not be positively
seen and embraced.

The change would have to be seen as damage or a major failure of the whole, rather than a natural
consequence of maintenance, he thought, Oh well done, idiot. A bit of restorative therapy and they
think you're poisoning them instead. Well done, well done indeed.

He caught himself nearly slapping his eyestalks with the facing tentacle, copying the gesture he'd
seen on the natives and his collogues.

Well, I wonder how to offer an apology, he thought, I also need to curb my enthusiasm to do it
again, until I better apply the lessons of their biology and psychology. Stupid, I should have
realized that from the existing evidence.

He continued to rest as part of him watched the night sky, hoping to detect a familiar star, or
something he might recognize that would lead him home.

Visit a lost colony, what could go wrong, just a jaunt, he remembered being told, I'll tell them what
can go wrong. You better believe I will.

Makoto woke before the others. She enjoyed being the 'center of attention' of two such yummy
guys, yet she also enjoyed being the one they could confide in and act as a sounding board.

Mixed signals, Makoto thought of one of the long talks she and Patrick had in the previous dream,
'Open yourself emotionally' we tell them, but hate weak men. Except I try to rescue them like lost
puppies.

With a smirk she remembered the screaming rage Patrick enjoyed putting the Outers in as he
would rationally explain that the Outers acted like women, and would list everything that drove the
Inners crazy about the Outers' behavior, then would say the Inners acted more like men, which
explained their difficulty in finding dates, except with other heros.

She kissed Ranma gently, remembering all they'd done in this most recent dream, and that
dragging Ranma and Ranko out of their shells had been both arduous and fun.

Don't scare him, Makoto thought and almost laughed at his terrified expression to waking up in
bed with a woman, Just remind him you aren't like the others. She hugged him slightly, then let
him go. When he relaxed a bit she hugged him tight to her, enjoying the feel of his body against
her.

"Sleep well?" she asked and could feel his blush through the layers of their bed clothes. She kissed
his forehead again. And struggled not to laugh or comment on his discomfort, knowing that if she
wanted to lose him, pricking him now would make him run away. If not physically, then
emotionally.

Ranma raised up, and peered over her. Seeing that Patrick had gone, scrounging breakfast for
them, Ranma asked, "Was it . . . weird, with Ranko?"

Now Makoto did laugh, but hugging him to her breast. "No, silly. Ranko is you, and we love her,
we love you," she told him and smiled as she felt his arms encircling her waist, "I don't mind
sharing with her, as long as I get you too. Patrick and I want both of you, Ranma and Ranko. We
even kind of like the Neko."

"I mean, only getting together in dreams, not in real life," Ranma asked, "I just - I just keep
expecting one of my fiancees to come crashing in and attacking." He frowned. "Or my dad,
demanding I live up to all the agreements he made."

"I think Patrick and I can handle them. And while you're nervous about the Neko . . . which side
would he come down on? Ours or theirs?"

Ranma shivered at the thought of the Neko manifesting outside him, as it did in the dream. "I think
we both know that."

The elven sorcerer walked through the Everfree as if she owned it, but an elf would walk to the
guillotine with the same attitude. The crystal hand mirror showed her the trails she was following.
She had sneered, privately of course, at her Queen's insistence that any of the natives could be of
use. But she was willing to march around in a primeval forest to hunt down one who could be
turned to her Queen's purpose.

The trails led to a primitive hovel. Its stone walls and fallen roof showed the poorness of its
construction, and the fact that the owners hadn't been wise enough to assign a caretaking force.
She'd seen enough idlers and children that could have been forced to earn their keep maintaining
this building rather than sit for hours learning. Experience was the best teacher and if they
needed to know more than their task, they could be educated out of that delusion.

She almost laughed at the attempt at finery the place essayed, as if they could achieve more than a
parody. She found the trails converging, and followed them, swinging the mirror leisurely to see
where the trails were newest, and strongest.

The closed-in stairs gave her some worry, but mainly due to the poor construction of the place.
She noted the trails all banked sharply away from one direction. She'd explore that once the initial
job was done. She hoped it wasn't ponies, she'd been told to avoid those, but she knew many of
the local beasts were intelligent enough to understand when they were being played with. If they
were that smart, they could understand their helplessness and she could enjoy their struggles.

The miasma was unexpected, but easily forced back. She fought down the bile in her throat to
address this base thing as an equal. "You who have been forced from your host, my Queen offers
a chance to achieve your ends," she told the skulking thing that was searching for a weakness in
her defenses, "One that the ponies would loathe to use the Elements of Harmony against."

"You have my attention," the miasma said, trying and failing to sound regal and in control.

The elf hid her smile and gave her Queen's proposal, and the targets the miasma could infect.

The day had ended, the business was closed as he walked and thought about the day's activities, I
could visit Posey, then comes the question of what to do then. I guess just holding her hoof would
be acceptable. Of course the other possibility is I could enter her dreams and we could converse
there. She might even remember all of what we said.

He had a few stops to make, and he was aware of the dark shadow dogging his foot steps.
Stepping into an alleyway he sensed the miasma following him. Then it recoiled and fled.

Damn, I thought that looked like a natural digression, he thought, Well, maybe I should have
waited until I got to the alley I killed Tirek in, turn it into a graveyard of monsters. He chuckled at
that as he aimed his hooves to the hospital.

I wonder which of the local monsters that was, he thought as he walked, Maybe . . . no, not my
problem. With the elves poking around, I have enough playthings I can break without the locals
objecting. The question is kill or cripple, or give them a long, slow, debilitating death? Yes, that's
the ticket, something that will cause the other elves to heap more and more scorn on them as the
days go by.

He was whistling a happy tune as he entered the hospital, and considered all the wonderful things
he could do to the elves. Then inspiration struck him and he sent a mighty spell winging its way to
the new 'champions' who had arrived in Equestria. Just something to strengthen their wills, and to
give them a bit of insight into the situation. Not brand new data, but something to help them draw
the conclusions themselves. But it would also be like honey to a bear for that miasma, and the
other elvish delvers and denizens.

They might even surprise me, he thought as he entered Posey's room, and saw she was asleep,

Fancy picnic it is!

Posey woke in the middle of a meadow, warm light thawing her body and a soft breeze keeping it
pleasant. The blanket under her chin was odd, and the picnic basket just out of reach made it
slightly irritating.

She froze as the immense shadow passed over her, and she glanced at what had momentarily
seemed like a cloud. She'd seen dragons before, but this one was more.

If I'd seen that dragon, heck a dragon trying to eat me wouldn't be as scary as that one just flying
around, she thought, What does it want?

She watched it maneuver until it was lined up and coming straight at her. She couldn't make
herself run. Then it transformed. First into a staggeringly handsome, albeit fuzzy and cute,
alicorn, then when it touched down, into - "Don what are you doing here?" she asked as she stood
up, "What's going on? Where is this place?"

"You're dreaming," Don said matter of factly, and kissed her on the nose, "While I'm honored to be
in your dreams, I hope this isn't one of those dreams."

"What make you think this is a dream?" Posey asked and gestured at the terrain.

"Well, the chandelier is kind of a dead giveaway."

Posey craned her neck and shielded her eyes to see what she'd assumed was the sun. It was one
of those huge collections of lights and crystals that took a staff to change all the light bulbs. "Oh,"
she said, "What's it hanging from?"

Don shrugged. "Beats me, I flew over it and couldn't figure that out."

Posey facehoofed and looked at the picnic basket. I'm certain I would have noticed him carrying
that when he flew in, she thought as the smells of the food made her mouth water, I'm going to
drool my pillow into a sodden mess if I am asleep.

"What is that?" she asked.

"Eggplant Parmesan, lasagna, stuffed peppers, dakon scallopini, alfalfa bread pudding with vanilla
chive glaze, potatoes au gratin, and several varieties of cheese," Don told her.

She stared at him perplexed. "They all smell great, but I've never heard of any of them," she
admitted, "How is that possible if this is my dream?"

"Oh, I'm at your bedside describing what I'd fix you when you wake up and are off hospital food,"
Don said, "I'm not just a doughnut baker you know."

Posey laughed. "How is it you're so smart?"

"Your dream, you think I'm that smart. You also are hoping I'm that black alicorn or something far
darker and more evil!" he said as he loomed threateningly over her, "I guess being warm and fuzzy
isn't enough." He 'unloomed' as she laughed at his act.

"Okay, but even you have to admit it's an interesting coincidence. You show up a few hours after
one of the alicorns, a black, fuzzy one no less, shows up outside of Ponyville." She tried to smile,
to get him to smile, but he just grew serious.

"Posey, I may misremember. I may tell tall-tales to entertain. I may deflect to protect people
who've helped me, but in this I want clarity and complete honesty between us. I am not one of
those 'bronicorns' as the press has dubbed them," Don told her, "I'm not an alicorn of any stripe."

"Okay," she whispered. "What about a dragon?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Oh well, you got me there," he said, "I am a dragon." He turned around in front of
her. "Don't I make a great pony though?"

Posey started laughing.

18) ﻿﻿Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra?

﻿Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the
property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma
Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

"Patrick Jasper Buchanan, I want you never to use magic ever again," Harry said, a mix of nervous and angry that he had to demonstrate this.

Patrick held up a hand and flames danced on his finger tips, each one a different color. "No effect," Patrick said.

"That's not possible," Harry whispered, then his eyes narrowed, "Unless that's not your real name."

"It's my real name, given at birth," Patrick said, "It's just not who I am. You're like these ponies. Your name is like theirs and their 'Cutie mark', yeah, flaming, but that's the closest translation. The point is, you came into the world complete, but unrevealed, you can never be greater than your ultimate destiny. As you 'grow' all you do is reveal more of what you are. Carl and I can add to who and what we are, we can grow in ways you can't, and that makes us immune to your Name-power. Our names are just ink on the page in the Cook County registrar's office. They have no power over us. You, and the ponies, on the other hand are enmeshed in destiny's web, unable to escape. You may take a different path, you may adjust things, reveal more or less, but ultimately, you're just a cog in the great machine with your free will about the rate and type of your self-revelation. The ponies are the same. I can't speak the language, but I can already take a stab at the course my three admirers will take."

"So how do you tell destiny to fuck off?" Harry asked.

"I was born with the ability to," Patrick replied.

"What about Makoto and Ranma?" Harry asked.

Patrick shrugged. "Somewhere between the two I guess. What you have to do is decide to resist, and fail, or embrace and take charge of your destiny. The goal posts are laid out, but like a long-distance road rally, you have some latitude about the path between."

"So how does this affect these alicorns?" Carl asked, having remained silent but attentive during the experiments.

"I think we can test it," Patrick said, "Their Cutie-marks are obvious, so we should be able to work out their names, and go from there."

"This is straying dangerously close to mind-magic," Harry warned as he stood.

"Yep," Patrick said as he nodded, "But since your mind-magic is the problem, not mine, you can watch the border."

"How much of this is intelligence gathering, and how much is avoiding the clothier pony?" Carl asked as he followed the two wizards out of the library.

"There are some things man was not meant to know," Patrick intoned.

The darkness hid from the direct light as it stalked. Eaves provided some shadows. As did awnings, even other ponies, but the pursuit was difficult. The target moved quickly, confidently. It also lacked the typical vulnerabilities that gave the darkness access. Others had easy phobias that were broadcast to any with the wit to see them. This one was far too well adjusted, and it had utterly lacked the need to be and remain special that its former targets had possessed in spades. A fondness for protecting and helping children seemed the only real weakness that could be discerned and that was hardly the clink in a target's mental armor that it was comfortable exploiting.

Any of the alicorns were a better, more satisfying target, but the Elements were here as well, and possessing an alicorn would simply result in the expulsion by Element and months, or this time years of lying broken in a pool of darkness.

The fool was right, the darkness thought, A layer of armor the Bearers would be loathe to use the Elements on is a better choice. I hope the fool enjoyed the 'payment' rendered to it.

Nightmare stifled a laugh and moved to another shadow.

Ranko shook herself, and glanced around the darkened alley she stood in.

I was Ranma a moment ago, she thought as she realized that the Neko had forcefully taken control.

She dashed from the alley to see if anyone or anypony had been hurt in the Neko's possible rampage. There were no burning or sliced-to-pieces buildings or trees, the ponies weren't running around screaming in terror. The local tomcats weren't reacting strangely.

Without a . . . cat, I've never changed, Ranko thought as she looked around, What happened? Patrick and Makoto!

Ranko sprinted to search for them, both to act as protector, and to get some answers.

Nightmare would have screamed in frustration and agony if it wouldn't have drawn the forces that might have been able to destroy it, rather than just wound it.

What sort of idiot trains a child to fight like a cat? Nightmare wanted to know, so she could avoid the student, and roast the teacher over a slow fire, And how did it manifest those claws?

Nightmare withdrew to the deepest pool of shadows it could find to rest and heal, while it selected a different target from among its choices. Attacking one of the Elements was briefly considered, then expelled.

If that thing could wound me in this form, it would have little compunction against wounding a physical body, Nightmare thought, The Elements would be preferable.

It settled to rest and consider the other choices and what vulnerabilities they would have, and what hidden defenses.

The axe fell from the elf's nerveless fingers. Whether the Tree of Harmony was grateful for the plunder vines' rescue, it gave no clue. The corpse was dragged under the ground to serve as fertilizer, only the axe remained above ground. As it was bronze, it would remain there for perhaps a century. A reminder of the vulnerability the Tree had without the gift it had lent out to defend Harmony against Discord.

The bronicorns had provided a plethora of information, including what the Equestrians were calling them, before the Princesses had sent them home.

So we know how to beat them, Harry thought as he walked, shoulders hunched and hands thrust into his duster's pockets as if walking into a driving rain, Cheap, easy, and every guard unicorn can cast the spell needed to do it. Why am I so horrified by it? It's no different than the power I'd have on learning a creature's name, and the local ponies are highly resistant, so it's safe. Why am I revolted by the means? If these people changed significantly on their arrival, they'd be immune to, and they'd be less of a danger as well. That black alicorn who fled to Los Pegasus seemed to learn and grow enough to just want to blend in. Why does the idea that a few moments of observation, an educated guess and a bit of magic gives you the win feel so cheap and too easy?

"They said of Ulysses S. Grant, 'He looks like a man preparing to drive his head through a brick wall and was about to do it'," Carl said, "Problems with a simple, safe and humane way of dealing with this invasion? I'll admit, a less forgiving, live and let live community, I might worry, but with Princess Celestia on the throne, I am confident it won't be abused."

"No one should have that kind of power," Harry said.

"You do realize the utter hypocrisy of that statement?" Carl shouted at him, "All you have to do is glare at someone who knows you're a wizard, and you get the same effect. The only difference is that they'll resent you, rather than maybe being content."

"I don't do that!" Harry complained.

"But you obviously know those who do it to you," Carl said, adjusted his hat and marched away.

Harry briefly considered a fireball, but the fear of the Council held him back and worse, made Carl's point.

Nightmare had seen death, even caused it. But not on this scale, she thought as she hovered over the crowded, near-panicking, two-legged animals streaming away from the carnage for the safety of the great airships that lumbered slowly into the air, one by one, but never fast enough to make a sizeable dent in the growing throng seeking escape.

But these were just the backdrop for the one she sought. He was closer to the front lines.

So that's what he's fighting for, she thought as she returned to the battle. She'd been following him and incidently a few spare others who seemed to move to where the battle was the thickest, the fighting the heaviest, and the course of future history balanced more precipitously.

I can appreciate his coldness, she thought, My work would be half done, but if this could not elicit despair, what could?

She'd watched him and some of his cadre snatch disaster from fate's hands time and time as the sunset. Buying time for more regular troops to shore up the defenses or fall back and regroup. As the night dragged on, the enemy had switched from trying to defeat the bodies arrayed against them, and had switched to trying to break the spirits of the defense.

And again he is there, Nightmare thought as a few words that should have shattered the defenders' will evoked a grim acceptance, They still think they'll die, but now they're dying for something. But where is my opening? Even exhausted, he should be breaking. If the enemy knew, break him and the whole rotten edifice would collapse.

A call from a runner brought a look of despair from those around him.

"What? Again?" he shouted, earning a grave chuckle and grim smile from those who should have snapped under the hammer blows the enemies still hurled at them.

The valley had fortifications, which had been breached, but no defenders. The cold eyes surveyed the fresh elven troops with the sun banner advancing, and the groups behind them.

"Enjoying the show?" the man asked Nightmare, "Curiosity or invader?"

Nightmare drew back.

"The Shining Legion advances, the elves will win, and the slaughter will begin in earnest. What you've already seen will look like a folk dance by comparison. Since this is a just a dream, should I let them? I can escape, but you'll be at their mercy," he said, "Flight will not save you, and you can't teleport out of here."

Nightmare tried and failed to be elsewhere.

"So, do I bury you alive like I did them all those years ago, or do I leave you as a shiny to let you see who you've really allied yourself with?" he asked, and smiled at Nightmare in a way that froze the dark spirit's marrow.

'Bruce' tracked the departure of the vulog construct from where the Wizard was studying some data from the bronicorns. Considering its horrifically damaged condition, he doubted he'd need to pursue it.

It does read as alarmingly similar to the one I disassembled, he thought, So, are their more bronicorns invading? Should I alert the others? If yes, then how, our shapechanger went to sleep. The Speciesist is hardly likely to be of any assistance to me. I do wish I knew what he thinks I've done. Okay Bruce it looks like it's your job to check up on this thing and if necessary deal with it. But considering its condition, a healthy sneeze would be sufficient to destroy it utterly.

He set off in pursuit. Leaving off his monitoring of the dreams of the locals for data on where he was and how to get home.

19) If You Gaze into the Sausage Factory, the Sausage Factory Gazes into You

If You Gaze into the Sausage Factory, the Sausage Factory Gazes into You
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. , Harry Dresden is the
property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma
Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Nightmare had never seen a mindscape like this one. Rather than the mirrors, or an actual person to confront, she was in a forest. The weirdest forest I've ever seen, she thought as she looked at the trees around her that rose up and nearly blocked out the sky, Are there leaves on those branches? At least nothing is trying to tear me to pieces like the other two.

She had no intention of flying, not after she'd seen an apparently abandoned spider web easily a dozen paces across. She shivered at the thought of having to fight that kind of monster, then was nearly thrown to the ground.

It's safer, but not safe. With what's happened before, the spider web I saw would be a child's, and I'd encounter the full-grown mother. Then there are the earthquakes, she thought as she relented and lifted into the air to move forward at a running pace, What kind of insane world do these creatures come from?

The building appearing directly in her path forced a frantic evasive action. "How adorable, a building that looks like a shoe, how fairytale," she complained, then looked up, at the structure coming out of the shoe-building, and up as a second similar structure disappearing elsewhere in the forest appeared, and up at the two columns joined, and up at the skirt that would dwarf any circus tent ever made, and up at the face so large to couldn't be carved to scale on the Canterhorn without removing Canterlot first.

The roar, as if every contrabass to ever exist were being played with a leather glove instead of a bow, blew Nightmare back, and nearly blew off her fur and feathers. Only her lack of a digestive tract kept the Equestrian bogeymare from voiding her bowels and bladder.

Makoto looked at the tiny, fleeing creature. The invader who tried to manipulate her dreams. "Did you think that Nehellenia and Helios wouldn't have taught us about dream manipulation?" she asked as she walked across the lawn.

She snatched the tiny creature out of the grass. "Now, I'm all for giving people another chance. But we're going to set some ground rules. And if you don't behave, I've been living with two gentlemen who are experts at breaking things without permanently damaging them, and I am an avid student."

Celestia was glad to be back in the palace and was actually looking forward to the opening of the Court. She saw the early-arrivers kibitzing among themselves. She smiled that even Blueblood seemed to have opened up a little. His rather uncharacteristic defense of the court and his Auntie had gotten him some of the respect he assumed was simply due him by his station.

He's learning that the most valuable things are earned, she thought happily, Not given.

"He's grown up," Cadence said from across the tea trolley on the dias, "Even Shining was stunned that he stood alone."

"Reportedly his words were 'if we are all to die, then mine shall make you remember it'," Luna added, stifling a yawn as her shift had ended with the lowering of the moon, but conversations about the chess dream had Luna thinking, "Backed into a corner, with no way to retreat, he did what many of more martial mien utterly failed to do."

"Preparing to die well?" Cadence said and shuddered, "I can think of things I'd rather have Shiney doing."

Celestia smiled at Luna coughing into her tea. "I'm sure she didn't mean that."

Luna mastered herself. "I am sure she did. But it does reveal another thing, about our newcomers, and that the dream together, as my -"

The sudden arrival of 'Lightning' in a cloud of black smoke stopped all conversation.

"There is a time for everything," the black clad female announced, and laughed.

Celestia and Luna recognized the laughter instantly. "Nightmare Moon."

"Now is the time for you to vacate the throne," Lightning said, "So speaks Eternal Dark Sailor Jupiter! You want defense. I grant it."

She gestured, and Twilight and her friends appeared around them.

"Jus' fi' mo' minut'," Rainbow said.

"You have chosen your own fate, so be it!" Eternal Dark Sailor Jupiter said and the throne room and the ponies faded from view.

Makoto looked at the three guards restraining the lead guard. "Let him go!" she ordered, "The fate of your princesses rest on your heads. You behave and no harm shall befall them. You do not, and it is the darkest of all fates, prolonged forever." She gave off a villain's laugh she was sure was better, read more creepy/disturbing, than anything Beryl ever managed.

"What have you done to them?" the guard captain screamed in her face, clearly wanting to tear Makoto limb from limb, but his love-interest's fate holding him back.

"Where does Celestia hold private, diplomatic audiences?" Makoto asked and smiled, infuriating the stallion further. She turned to the team who were a hoof-step away from tackling their captain if he raised more than his voice against her.

"Not now Shiney," a more elegantly dressed, blond unicorn, the one from the musical number, whispered.

She conjured several hoof-cuffs and lengths of chain. "Guards, find the Cadence-imposter in Shiney's quarters, bind it and bring it to the -?" She stared at 'Shiney'.

"The Sun Room," he ground out.

"Lead the way," she told him and grinned at him, she looked at the guards, "Go."

They scurried away at her grinning countenance.

Applejack felt the world form around her, although it was a vastly different place than she had left. This looks like a Manehatten hotel, she thought on glancing around.

"Ah yes, Contessa Solaris, Contessa Selene, Contessa Credenza and friends," the stallion who was almost as pretty as Rarity approached, "I do wish you'd reconsider a full week at the Spa Mareiveles, but your minotaur major domo said you could only spare three days."

"We're only here three days?" Applejack asked.

"Yes, regrettably," the stallion said, "Your animals also arrived at the beach house so if you'll follow me, I can assure you the utmost discretion."

"Doth thou not know whom you address?" Luna asked.

"You are the Contessa Selene, your major domo was quite clear about that, and the customer is always right," the stallion said.

"There is a time for everything, and someone decided it was time for a vacation," 'Contessa Solaris' said.

"They've got a beach volleyball net!" Rainbow shouted excitedly.

"Yes, and a horseshoe pit," the stallion sighed.

"Wow! Any of you wanna take on the champ?" Rainbow asked Applejack.

"Since I'm 'only' a Contessa," Celestia said, "I think I'll go first. But you'll need some help."

Rainbow glowered, then instantly remembered who she was glowering at.

"My animals?" Fluttershy asked.

"Our dieticians and chefs are at their service as well," the stallion said, "Although I must say, that rabbit is a more fearsome major domo than Pr - Contessa Solaris' was."

"Oooo! They do eggplant body wraps! Twilight you must try one of those!" Rarity said as she read a brochure.

"This is a weirdest 'vacation' I've ever heard of," 'Contessa Credenza' said, "I hope Shiney doesn't do something rash."

"Why aren't you all thinking about -?" Twilight began.

"Can you teleport?" 'Solaris' asked.

Twilight concentrated, vanished, and reappeared down the hall.

"Nor can I, I think we need to adapt, and I'm certain that our ponies can handle a few days without us," 'Solaris' said, "Then there will be a reckoning."

Makoto reached over and shut Shiney's mouth as he stared at the scrying pool in the middle of the Sun Room.

"Wha?" he asked.

Makoto grabbed his ears and swung his head to face her. Her expression sobered him up immediately. "Listen carefully. Your nation has been infiltrated. There is going to need to be a house cleaning. Shocking everyone will cause the infiltrators and their traitorous allies to be careless if not panicky. You are going to form two resistance networks. The first full of ponies who are well connected but not exactly on Celestia's side. The second full of people you know you can trust. You will employ a canary trap on both groups. Give slightly different 'facts and goals' to each group. When they betray you to me, we'll know who did it by what comes to my ears. Understood?" She released his ears.

He gulped and nodded.

Makoto ignored the whistle of admiration from Nightmare. Hey, I lived with a master schemer for 18 months in dreams, she told the entity, You think I didn't listen and learn?

"Now, on a practical note. Yes, Nightmare and I have an arrangement, and it has made me a bit . . . impulsive. I need a good chancellor, a good yes-pony to my face, but who'll creatively interpret my orders. Say I order someone's head on a platter, they'll get the royal jeweler and carpenters to make a table and collar so they roll the table in with the head on the platter, and the rest of them still attached in the table below. Understood?"

Shiney nodded, and she saw realization was dawning.

"Ah, the lead infiltrator approaches," Makoto said, "And Shiney, that's not Cadence arriving."

The spitting image of the Alicorn of Love arrived, chained to a busboy's cart, and growling through the chains around her muzzle. She instantly changed demeanor and mewled at Shiney, who started trotting towards it.

Makoto removed the disguise and all the ponies reeled back from the revealed creature. "This is Queen Chrysalis, leader of the army poised to attack Canterlot on Shiney's wedding day. Of course she'd be the bride, the real Cadence . . . disposed of, shall we say."

She watched their expressions turn ugly as Chrysalis struggled to escape her bonds, to no avail.

"Everyone drop!" she shouted, and did herself, turning her fuku white and green again as she covered her head.

The wall didn't explode as she'd expected, but the sudden addition of Patrick, Ranma and 'Bruce' would have had the same effect in other circumstances.

Here it comes, she thought predicting Patrick's instant reaction to two groups of allies seemingly at each others' throats.

Patrick's cast spell stunned everyone in the room save himself, Ranma and Bruce.

"Guessd i-," Makoto slurred as she let herself slump to the floor. She languidly pointed at Chrysalis, "Teki!" calling out the changeling in Japanese as English seemed to have slipped through her fingers.

Why do I love these two? she immediately wondered.

"That's no beefsteak," Ranma announced, "That's what Akane would get cooking gingerbread men."

"Holy hamburger source Mantab!" Patrick added, "If I bless it, it's a wholly Holy holey hamburger source."

Chrysalis managed to achieve a pre-stun level of struggling. That sparked a thought, all alone in the dark. "She can hear you?" Makoto managed.

"Oh good, universal communication!" Bruce added, "Your colors are too bright. Your ponies are not. Who are you pack of maniacs? And I want to go home!"

Shiney stood up, something Makoto was not yet capable of. "I just want to make sense of what's happening here."

"Make sense, where's the fun in that?" came a voice, which galvanized all the ponies.

What materialized in the middle of the room over the writing desk was a complete creature of totally mismatched parts.

"Youma," Makoto said of the creature as she sat up.

It was too busy looking from ponies, to humans, to the Elder Thing, and back again, its head kept rotating clockwise, winding the body up like a spring. Finally it unwound spinning the creature violently back the other way.

"Why does he sound like John DeLancie?" Patrick asked.

His name is Discord, Nightmare told Makoto.

"Okay, even I know when I'm being trolled, " Discord said, cracked his knuckles, and the six mares of the assault force appeared, making the room a trifle crowded.

"Necklace, necklace, necklace, necklace, necklace and big crown thingy," Discord said, and on realizing the jewelry's markings didn't match the wearer's marking, rearranged the owners, several times until they did match, leaving them slightly dizzy, "Care Mare Stare s'il vous plait. I never want to see you things again." He said and blew a raspberry at Patrick, a potato at Ranma, a glob of something gelatinous at Bruce and a rose at Makoto.

The ponies powered up their heavy weapon, lifting into the air as Makoto, Patrick and Ranma scrambled to be nowhere near the blast radius. Bruce reached over with a 'foot-tentacle' and dragged Chrysalis directly behind Discord. A moment later, the creature was turned to stone.

"Weird critter, but a good cook, this actually tastes like something," Ranma said as he munched the potato, then noticed the mares were swinging around towards Makoto.

"Has she really done anything warranting a death sentence?" Bruce asked, "Because that's what you're giving her."

The light gray and indigo unicorn with the gold and rose pegasus depowered and returned to the ground. "No, we cannot," the unicorn said.

Makoto acted fast, and returned the mares to the spa, as their devices floated down to the ground. "Okay, someone can explain all that later," she said, as she turned to Shiney, "You have your assignment, go."

She focused on Ranma. "There are these creatures in the castle, they're shapechangers, find them and put them in prison." She faced Bruce. "Elves and these things, we need to flush them out, they have an army somewhere. We have today, tomorrow and the next day to find and neutralize them."

Bruce made a complicated tentacle gesture and said, "On my way."

Patrick looked around. "What about me?"

Makoto decided to really disgust Nightmare, while channeling her at full strength. "I'm going to have you stripped, washed and brought to my bed."

Patrick's utterly surprised expression was almost as wonderful as the mental voice of Nightmare piledriving the dry heaves.

19 Omake

Omake

Shiney stood up, something Makoto was not yet capable of. "I just want to make sense of what's happening here."

"Make sense, where's the fun in that?" came a voice, which galvanized all the ponies.

What materialized in the middle of the room over the writing desk was a complete creature of totally mismatched parts.

"Youma," Makoto said of the creature as she sat up.

It was too busy looking from ponies, to humans, to the Elder Thing, and back again, its head kept rotating clockwise, winding the body up like a spring. Finally it unwound spinning the creature violently back the other way.

"Why does he sound like John DeLancie?" Patrick asked.

His name is Discord, Nightmare told Makoto.

"Who's John DeLancie?" Makoto asked.

"A character actor played a few roles in The Six Million Dollar Man and Emergency, nothing else really spectacular or noteworthy, which I thought was a shame," Patrick said.

Discord exploded, literally. "Are you INSANE? Or just STUPID?" he thundered at Patrick as he reassembled himself, "He played the master reality warper, in Star Trek!"

"That was William Campbell," Patrick argued.

Discord handed a bag of small pebbles to Bruce, and popcorn to the others. "The other one," Discord said.

"James Doohan did those voices in the animated series," Patrick said.

"Okay, even I know when I'm being trolled, " Discord said, cracked his knuckles, and the six mares of the assault force appeared, making the room a trifle crowded, "I'm not hanging around in one of YOUR stories."

"Necklace, necklace, necklace, necklace, necklace and big crown thingy," Discord said, leaned down to the lavendar one, "It's pronounced tiara, Buffy." Then he straightened up. "Care Mare Stare s'il vous plait. I never want to see you things again." He said and blew a raspberry at Patrick, a potato at Ranma, a glob of something gelatinous at Bruce and a rose at Makoto.

The ponies powered up their heavy weapon, lifting into the air as Makoto, Patrick and Ranma scrambled to be nowhere near the blast radius. Bruce reached over with a 'foot-tentacle' and dragged Chrysalis directly behind Discord. A moment later, the creature was turned to stone.

"Weird critter, but a good cook, this actually tastes like something," Ranma said as he munched the potato, then noticed the mares were swinging around towards Makoto.

"Has she really done anything warranting a death sentence?" Bruce asked, "Because that's what you're giving her."

The light gray and indigo unicorn with the gold and rose pegasus depowered and returned to the ground. "No, we cannot," the unicorn said.

Makoto acted fast, and returned the mares to the spa, as their devices floated down to the ground. "Okay, someone can explain all that later," she said, as she turned to Shiney, "You have your assignment, go."

She focused on Ranma. "There are these creatures in the castle, they're shapechangers, find them and put them in prison." She faced Bruce. "Elves and these things, we need to flush them out, they have an army somewhere. We have today, tomorrow and the next day to find and neutralize them."

"I'll need a plunger and a whisk to exterminate them," Bruce said, "On my way."

Patrick looked around. "What about me?"

Makoto decided to really disgust Nightmare, while channeling her at full strength. "I'm going to have you stripped, washed and brought to my bed."

Patrick's utterly surprised expression was almost as wonderful as the mental voice of Nightmare piledriving the dry heaves.

20) Observable Behavior Doesn't Exist or Does It?

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Ranma prided himself on his ability to read people's body language, usually to defeat them in combat, but it often applied in other instances. While most people would interpret Patrick's two, quick, behind-the-back waves as 'shoo, go away', Ranma correctly interpreted the man's statement as 'if you try to save me from Makoto, I will rip out your balls with my teeth, ram one up your ass and the other down your throat, and tie in knots whichever organ they meet in.'

Ranma took the most reasonable course of action in this regard: grabbing the cart bearing the bound and now sniveling holey, bug pony and left the room at best speed.

The guards stationed outside accepted his bursting into their midst, and subsequent slamming of the door with some aplomb. He gestured at Chrysalis. One of the unicorn guards created a set of bar around her. Ranma nodded, satisfied himself these were not more infiltrators and left the ponies to deal with her, it, while Ranma scared up the others.

This isn't going to be as easy as Makoto thinks, Ranma considered, It's not like they're going to just jump out at me.

A force bubble formed around Ranma and dragged him into a broom closet.

On the other hand, er, hoof? he thought as two maids transformed into bug ponies. Although, these didn't seem as holey as Chrysalis was.

Through a series of pictures, they displayed that there were in fact two factions in the city. One was Chrysalis', and were bad guys, the other were nominally working for Celestia, doing what Ranma was doing, poking around in all the dark corners looking for baddies.

Ranma felt the beginnings of a headache and deja vu coming on as he realized he was back where you really couldn't tell friend from foe, until they tried to hit you.

"Great, Makoto takes over and this place becomes Nerima instantly."

Twilight walked up to Cadence and Luna as they watched Celestia trounce Applejack and Rainbow at volleyball, despite not using her wings or magic.

"Best seven out of eleven?" Rainbow asked.

"Seven out of thirteen," Applejack replied, "Does anypony else wanna play?"

Rarity was off getting a massage with Fluttershy. Pinkie was drooling over the desert menu provided, and thus not attached to the real world anymore. Twilight missed Spike, but he was likely minding the library.

"Your Highnesses," Twilight said.

"Excellencies," Luna replied, "Contessas are Excellencies, not Highnesses. As for your question, Celestia realized that we, nine, are the enemies' real targets. Not our ponies. To move us out of reach immediately after a devastating counterblow against the bronicorn invasion will throw the enemy into panic and during that panic, someone better placed, and more ruthless, will be in a superb position to move against our enemies. All in all, a brilliant strategy. We will of course rest, build our strength, lighten the burden on our hearts and souls for the return. A return which will likely be into battle and chaos."

"They wouldn't have returned Discord would they?" Cadence asked before Twilight could.

"Unlikely they even know of Discord," Luna said and waved a hoof dismissing the idea, "Nightmare would not desire the competition."

"How do you know all that?" Twilight said.

"I am who and what I am," Luna replied.

"Best eight out of fifteen?" Rainbow said as she lay panting on the sand.

"No, the three of us call dibs!" Cadence said as she stood and passed a grateful Applejack dragging the limp pegasus off the court.

" 'Don't panic Spike, your princess is in another castle,'" Harry read the lower part of the note Spike, presumably the small dragon, had belched out a few moments before.

"Well it calmed him down, what about us?" Carl asked as he read the note, the top full of odd sigils, the bottom in clear print.

"We keep doing what we were doing," Harry said, "I just wish we could hear back from the others. 'Hold the fort' doesn't give us a lot of options."

Harry had been trying to contact the ways, any of his allies, or anything that would give him a gauge to where he was and how to get back home.

"So do we charge up there, or keep an eye out for problems here?" Carl asked.

"How much do you trust Makoto and Patrick?" Harry asked.

Carl scoffed and set his hat forward.

"Right," Harry said, "But do we trust them in with this, or do we charge up to check on them?"

"Simple answer," Carl said, "What do you mean 'we'?"

Harry nodded. "Go."

Carl tipped his hat and headed over towards Spike, who seemed to take being abandoned with a good deal of aplomb, or at least well-concealed disappointment. Carl indicated the path to Canterlot. Spike got a bit nervous, but went to a bookshelf, removed the books, opened the cubbyhole behind, and brought out a paper. He handed it to Carl as if he were handing over state secrets at gun point under orders. Spike then explained through pantomime that it was a rail pass, free passage to anywhere under the authority of Princess Celestia.

Carl took the pass and headed out.

Harry watched the dragon work at reorganizing the library and wondered if Spike was like Bob, bound to his 'owner' by some geas.

"Ow," Makoto commented as she tried to crawl out of the bed. Her arms worked, below the ribs to above the knees, not so good. It was a dull ache rather than a screaming pain, but there were enough twinges to indicate she'd really be feeling it in a few hours.

"Then hold still," Patrick said, and began running his hand up her inner thigh.

"Stop that, it's what caused the problem in the . . . first place," she trailed off as the pulled muscles, bruises and little aches faded, feeling cool to almost cold then a delightful warmth filled in right after. She put her head down and luxuriated in the end of the discomfort and the pleasant heat that was left behind. "You're going to put me to sleep, and ravish me in my - ah, sleep."

"Are you kidding? I'm going to have to do the same to myself, I'm transferring the injuries, not curing them yet," he said, then slapped her bottom, "Not that I'm complaining, you naughty girl."

The knock on the door brought fear and embarrassment as she tried to find her fuku, and cover herself at the same time.

"You're evil, remember, who cares what they see," Patrick teased, and opened the door by magic. He pulled the covers away and began massaging her bare legs, accidently keeping her from sitting up.

Shiney and the blonde unicorn from the song entered, and Shiney back-kicked the door closed.

"Prince Blueblood, at your service," he said, and bowed, wincing slightly as he did, "And at Equestria's, as I understand it." While he phrased it as a statement, his ears straining forward made it a question.

Makoto settled in the bed, and briefly considered.

"The room is secure," Patrick said. Implying they could talk freely.

"The enemies' targets, enemies, plural, were the princesses. The Elfqueen's were aimed at Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and the Bearer. Chrysalis decided to take advantage and slip Princess Cadenza out of the way. So, with Chrysalis' army massing to attack in a few days, I send the targets away to rest and recuperate." She gave them a very toothy smile. "And do what we were summoned to do, deal with the enemies efficiently. With the court, the ponies, and thus their plans in chaos, we can move among the maelstroms and strike not the foot soldiers but the leaders. Once they are located and dealt with, Celestia can return in triumph, depose me and continue ruling her blissful kingdom, and the massacre of the enemies falls on my head not hers." She looked over her shoulder at Patrick. "Fine, be impressed, just keep working." As he continued to massage the aches and tension from her legs, she turned back to the ponies. "So, the disadvantage of having Mightnare - Nightmare as a roommate, aside from her screaming at me where no one can hear, is that I tend to be impulsive, you're the shock absorber, I command, you transmit. Oh, and play up the insanity, say, I'm planning to mount Canterlot on pontoons and sailing around on the oceans stealing ships and cargoes, besieging other cities, and such. Anyone who gives you trouble remind them I need rowers and they'll need to be trained and fighting fit before we take to sea. Give Shiney -"

"Shining Armor," Blueblood said.

"Do you eat knights?" Makoto asked, earning a snort from Patrick, "Give Shining Armor the useful ones, we'll need all the troops we can lay our hooves on to defend the city when Chrysalis' army attacks."

"Other than making you seem crazier than you already are, and moderating your actual craziness," Blueblood said, "What are my other duties?"

"That's up to Shining Armor," Makoto said, "He's putting together a resistance, so he'll need warm bodies. Chancellors and Viziers are supposed to plot against their masters, so that'll be perfect."

Blueblood looked like he wanted to say something, but just bowed.

"Oh, there is a major diplomatic dinner, tomorrow night," Blueblood asked, "Should it be canceled? Celestia wanted to break the ice with, ahem, a rather warlike tribe. I would advise against canceling, and that you and your fellows be your own combative and barbarous selves."

"That sound rather like an insult," Makoto said.

"Just critiquing the true flower of humanity," Patrick said.

Shining and Blueblood nodded.

"Anything else?" Makoto said.

"Nothing that the bureaucracy can't misfile and present when Celestia is back," Blueblood said, "There are the people requesting a royal redress of grievances, I'll pick out those few with legitimate calls on your time, teach them to be appropriately terrified, that should reduce them to a few from a few dozen."

"I'll be there in an hour," Makoto said.

Blueblood stared over her at Patrick. "I'll also order a new bed, that one appears to have been badly damaged."

Makoto had thought running the bed over with a train would hurt the train more, then she got Blueblood's point. She nodded as the stallions left.

"Congratulations, your reign of terror is going swimmingly," Patrick said.

"Are you up to hunting down any lose elves running around?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied, and kissed her butt.

"Fine, let's see if there's a tub in this place, I want a soak and a shampoo."

Carl watched Ranma move through the palace, accompanied by a pair of ponies in armor. Despite his best efforts to remain hidden, Ranma looked right at him and waved him forward.

"The place has been invaded," Ranma told him, "Makoto decided to become Nabiki and throw a bunch of stones in the pond. The ripples will make the infiltrators incautious. Unfortunately, I've already discovered that Celestia, that's the big, white alicorn's name, had a spy network of her own to keep an eye on things. So they're panicking too which just muddies the waters."

"Sounds like it wasn't well thought out," Carl said.

Ranma shrugged. "Plans are just frameworks on which to make changes," he said, "So part of the spy network are helping me search out other spies, who aren't part of the network. But then there are elves who are behind the alicorn invasion."

"That makes three," Carl said, "How do they avoid tripping over each other?"

"I think Makoto decided to grease the floor and let me, Bruce and Patrick deal with them," Ranma said, "I get the idea that with elves around, Mister Dresden isn't on the vetted list, so he's back in Ponyville."

Carl had been taking notes. "How'd you learn all these names?" Carl asked.

"Evidently, one of the local villains tried to overwhelm Makoto's brain, and got eaten instead. So now she can do the alien alicorn thing where she talks and everyone understands her, except she can do it for a whole room full of people."

Carl snorted at that. "Not a very good villain."

"Kolchak-san, those are the best kind. Oh, we also met another who decided we were too much trouble." He pointed to a group of ponies moving a statue that would have put Picasso's 'The Chicago' to shame for weird.

"They normally turn troublemakers to stone?" Carl asked.

"It's what they had planned for us," Ranma told him.

Carl nodded and headed off deeper into the palace.

21) Tools of the Trade

Tools of the Trade
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

The shop wasn't in a particularly good part of town. But pony 'seedy and dangerous' was a walk in the park with full police escort compared to Detroit or other places Patrick had been. Makoto's directions had been spot on, as he saw exactly what she'd described on the shelf. A gorget with a unicorn head and a pegasus' wings worked into the metal containing the red gem.

The unintelligible, but obsequious, shop-owner turned frightened at the idea of anyone having interest in the mighty MacGuffin of doom (Tm). Until Patrick put the bag of coins on the counter and pointed again. The shop-owner gift wrapped it before he could stop him. Patrick also picked out a few other items, paid the rest of the money Makoto had given him and left with them.

In a nearby alley, he put it on and the effects were immediate.

He could understand the ponies' speech around him. How the heck is that dangerous? he asked himself as he hid the device beneath his clothes, then headed for the train station to head down to Ponyville for his elf-sweep.

He paused slightly before boarding, all the wheels on the train making him briefly uneasy.

At least it's not like the Eye of Argon where you have to laugh with every step for the last hundred yards of the approach, he thought. He considered the other items he'd purchased. I wonder if someone intentionally separated these, he thought, Or am I the first to notice they go together? I hope it's the former, I'd hate to think the rulers were so naive to allow the latter.

Once he was on the train, and no pony would share the car with him, he pulled out the crystal alicorn skull and the brass shaving basin which fit on the skull like a Tommy's tin hat, then he took out the poiuyt and considered how it would fit together with the other two pieces.

Agamid Don smiled as he served his customers, and the endless and ultimately pointless speculation swirled around the events in Canterlot. The police had no orders to move to the capitol's defense, although they were expected to send some troops to Ponyville soon. The alchemists were either deep in conspiracy theories about it, or were unaware of it until it was mentioned to them.

So the 'grunts' want to move, but orders forestall them, he thought as he filled another tankard with coffee and bid the police captain a good night, While the 'brains' are either overthinking it, or it can't penetrate their thought bubble. Interesting.

The rumors about what had actually happened were rife, and the sun setting on time with the moon rising simultaneously seemed to imply a smooth transition of power.

With the alicorns temporarily out of the way, he thought, I should be clear. I just wish I could leave for longer. A quick trip to Canterlot would be interesting, but I'd either have to explain the speed, or take time off to travel at rational speeds. Troublesome.

The evening passed with little to remark on. A few arguments that grew too heated were ordered to go outside, and despite his earth pony appearance and general 'cute and fuzzy' motif, he was still a powerfully muscled, cute, fuzzy earth pony, and no one wanted to see if he had the chops to back up the muscle.

The sense that an elf or elves lurked in the shadows outside the building troubled him, but not enough to go looking for them in the middle of his day. Although their sudden disappearance from his 'radar' did cause him to step outside and look around.

I felt them, they touched the security screen, he thought as he looked up at the night sky, and then looked around, But I didn't feel a displacement from a teleport or other escape, and they didn't just walk away, they stopped being there. If they didn't leave by unconventional means, they left this world by the route everyone eventually takes, but without a struggle?

He left those disturbing thoughts behind as he entered the business and got back to work.

Bruce followed the local ordinances, and deposited the trash in the appropriately marked cans. The 'organic waste only' cans behind the alchemists' building seemed the best place to leave the remains of the elves he's peeled off the walls around the dragon's shop. He checked the charge left on the tractor-repulsor he'd built on his flight here and wished there were better power systems available.

This will only last one or two more shots, he thought, Although it might be a good idea to just completely rebuild it, rather than just replace the power cell. I don't think I was picking optimum materials considering I was trying to take them alive, or at least keep them separate for a forensic examination.

He looked at the slowly resolidifying goo he'd poured in the mixture of other organic wastes and considered building a much lower output unit next time.

So, they know he is what he is, Bruce thought, I wonder if he knows a way home, and if he'd share if he does. Or is he staying to watch the battle and the aftermath? That would certainly sound like him. I wonder if I should go back to searching for Changelings, or formally switch with Patrick and let him find the Changelings and I'll search for the elves. I'm certainly having more luck in that regard.

He resumed his 'awful tree costume' disguise and headed to the next area he'd sensed the elves.

Ranma sat in a tree and watched. There were four elves in positions around the campfire, and four more 'hiding' and waiting to ambush Patrick. Patrick had signaled he'd spotted all 10, and Ranma was trying to workout the location of the other two, and to verify all eight he saw were within the ten Patrick had detected.

The small squad of Changeling soldiers were the real prize, Ranma thought, Holier than Celestia's so these must be Chrysalis' troops. So do they have any information? And what are they doing outside of Ponyville, instead of closer to Canterlot, unless they were spying on the Bearers, and with the Bearers elsewhere, they are getting stupid. He smiled at what of Patrick had rubbed off on Makoto. And smiled again as all ten rushed in to attack Patrick, and what Ranma had taught them had been retained by Patrick.

Good grief! Ranma thought as he watched, Kuno could take out those guys. And girls - who wears armor that doesn't armor the important bits.

Ranma glanced around, glad he hadn't had to intervene. He'd spotted a couple of weaknesses in Patrick's technique that needed correction. Especially the two times he could have just ducked and let the elves stab each other instead of parrying both strokes.

"It's not armor, it's lingerie," Patrick called out as he wiped his sword clean and sprinkled some powder on the bodies. They twisted briefly from very attractive humanoids, to emaciated almost onis, then to different species of humanoids, before vanishing. "That's done for them," Patrick said, and turned to the bug ponies, "Let's let Harry in on this part, and get another set of eyes working on Changeling hunting."

"Did that powder warp them before they disintegrated?" Ranma asked as he dropped out of the tree.

"No, elves project a glamor to make themselves what you consider attractive, that went. Next elves reproduce by grafting themselves onto a baby, and taking it over, that went next," Patrick said.

"Sounds like a zombie movie," Ranma said, " 'Brains'."

"Not like any zombie I've ever heard of," Patrick said.

Ranma explained the movie some of his 'friends' had dragged him to see about zombies conquering the world. It soon had Patrick in stitches. "Yeah, I laughed so hard they nearly threw me out of the theater."

"Well, that's why I'm nervous about Harry," Patrick said, "He's got all the hallmarks of being an elf-baby, or what we call a changeling, himself. A few more years of contact, and poof, the elf will take over completely."

"Sad for him," Ranma admitted, "Any way to free him?"

"Without killing him?" Patrick asked, "None."

Harry watched the pair entering Ponyville as they discussed. A large dark sphere followed them, but their conversation was infinitely more disturbing.

"So after you kill them, why do you shatter their spirits?" Ranma asked.

"Because otherwise they'll jump to some other sentient's child and take over," Patrick said, "If I shatter them, then the pieces don't have the strength to do that. They have to take over a lesser animal, usually insects. And it's like suddenly dumping them on the karma wheel that their usual method lets them avoid. Completely intentionally by the way, they know they'll be screwed in the reincarnation cycle if they were actually judged on their actions, so they've worked out a way to bypass it."

"But wouldn't they just start advancing again, they have all the knowledge of their previous life?" Ranma asked as their path seemed to be towards the library.

Harry moved from cover to cover, close enough to eavesdrop, but not close enough to be noticed. He'd also deployed a spell to distract the senses from him. Not invisibility, but 'this is not the wizard you are looking for' type of thing.

"Think of any of those we finished off actually trying to be a good ant," Patrick said, "So they'd gain the strength to take over something higher up the food chain."

Ranma shook his head and looked at the sphere that still trailed them. "So how do they make Elfqueens?" Ranma asked.

"Simple, two ways, one, they wait until a woman is pregnant to covert her to an elf, which takes a great deal of finesse. Or they go the succubus/incubus route."

"Aren't those demons?" Ranma asked.

"They are, but they're really an ancient explanation for wet dreams. Ironically, demons picked up the idea from humans, so did elves. Basically the elf appears as a female and collects the man's sperm. Then he, or she, alters the sperm and uses it to appear as a male and inject it into a female. The woman gives birth to an infant Elfqueen. Or the rarer elf-king."

"That reminds me of something really creepy," Ranma said, and shuddered. Harry too got the shivers from what Patrick was implying, especially about the Elf Queens and the lack of Elf Kings he'd seen.

They have knights, but not kings, he thought, So what are they interested in me for? Is that what 'starborn' or whatever means? That I'm an elf king? He shuddered at the thought.

"Don't do it," Patrick warned, "Ranma and Ranko are so close genetically, that the baby would have all kinds of birth defects."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Ranma shouted, "Sorry, that's been something some of my creepier classmates have suggested. What I meant was, there was a movie where this thing laid eggs in people and the larva bursts out of their chests. That's what I meant."

"The term is parasitoid, those wasps who hunt spiders to lay their eggs inside them," Patrick said and chuckled, "That sounds like comedy gold. But I'd probably get tossed out of the theater for laughing too hard. The right thing to do is incinerate the victim and the egg. Harsh, but if it's life or death, too bad. Or at least keep them quarantined and under observation, maybe full body scans."

"Yeah, I got tossed out for laughing, and yelling at them," Ranma said, "Considering what I have gone through that movie had to be comedy gold."

"Yeah, horror films used to be cautionary tales," Patrick said, "Now they're viewed as how-to guides on not surviving a crisis."

They entered the library, and waved for Harry to follow them.

"How'd you know I was there?" Harry asked.

"I can smell the elf on you," Patrick said, "It's like asking how to find some who's been skunked."

"I heard you stomping around behind us," Ranma said, "Hard-soled boots aren't the best for sneaking."

"This is what you need to be searching for," Patrick said and removed the opacity of the sphere, "The locals call them changelings, so they're different from the elf-cuckoos that human folklore talks about. But they are shapechangers who feed on emotions, like G-rated succubuses. They still rate movies in your time, or did they implement a new Hayes Code?"

"Yes, movies are rated," Harry said, and looked at the trio of soldiers.

"Oh, while they feed on emotions, directing hatred at them is not a good idea," Ranma said and glared at Patrick, who looked a little sheepish.

"How do you know that?" Harry asked.

"We used to have four of them, and now I'm taking a shower," Ranma said.

"That's why I stayed behind the rock," Patrick called after Ranma. He shrugged at Harry. "Sometimes you have to try, but thinking of elves was probably not the best choice. Next time I'll stick to thoughts of marshmallow lima bean casserole, less messy."

"I almost don't want to know," Harry admitted as he prepared some analysis spells.

22) Celestia is Broken . . . Really?

Celestia is Broken . . . Really?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

"Be vewwy, vewwy quiet, we're hunting bug ponies," Harry said as they approached the trace that meant changelings.

Ranma shaded his eyes and looked, before dropping down out of the tree to the ground. "Are you sure? I don't see, or feel anything."

"My magic never lies," Harry said, "You wouldn't understand."

"I have a curse that changes me into a girl," Ranma replied in low tones, "I know something about magic."

"So why doesn't Patrick remove the curse?" Harry whispered.

"Something about having a birefringent soul manifesting from conjointment." Ranma shrugged. "Basically I am Ranma and Ranko and they aren't similar enough now to be considered a curse, but they're still entangled enough that separating us will leave us both soul-sick. More like a split personality in siamese twins. You want the technical mumbo-jumbo, ask Patrick." Ranma scrambled up a windmill and peered over the edge in the direction the magic said the changelings were.

Harry wondered what Ranma would do against some of the creatures Harry had previously fought. He'd probably kick their ass and make it look easy, he thought as Ranma climbed down as fast and quietly as he'd climbed up.

"Nothin'," Ranma said, "Either your spell is wrong or they hide better than anything I've ever heard of."

"Let's head up to the next ridge. They could be moving away from us, the trace isn't getting that much stronger, but it's still arrow straight, that way." Harry pointed.

Ranma looked. "Are they in those hills? They're too far away for me to see."

Harry chuckled. "No chance, what are we looking for, an army? Oh shit, we are."

"Let's get a map, and we'll triangulate. Two lines, and where they intersect is where they are," Ranma said.

"How come people think you're stupid?" Harry asked.

"I'm good at fighting and sparring, not so much at anything else," Ranma admitted.

"So how do you, Makoto and Patrick . . . get along?" Harry asked.

"They turn everything into a spar or contest," Ranma said, then blushed, "And they like it when I get as good as they are." He brightened. "Then it's my job to teach them. That's fun too."

"I'll bet."

'Contessa Solaris' briefly wondered if that was actually an assassination attempt. The loud CRACK from her left wing root joined the mental echo of the one from her right moments ago. And the large minotaur mare who'd inflicted both had hardly even begun.

POCK! SNACKLE! Came from her back. Celestia's eyes went wide as her body reported the insistent rearrangement of her normal structure.

"I had no idea she was so tense," Fluttershy told Helga, the masseuse who wasn't quite sending Celestia into the throes of agony.

"Ya. Is always gut." CR - POP! "To get a pro who is working on." crik, Crick, CRIK, SN-POPPLE! "Healthy body. Not just feel gut body." RASP-Pop-pop-pop.

Celestia dearly hoped the hoof in her peripheral vision was a forehoof, a hind leg had no business being over her head.

"Yes I have a bear friend who sometimes needs some chiropractic treatments," Fluttershy said, then laughed, "Poor Twilight thought I was hurting him."

Celestia was mare-handled onto her side and had her foreleg moved up and up higher than it was ever meant to go. She felt the scream of pain building as her body told her there were pieces so out of position they might as well be detached, and it was quite uncomfortable. But she didn't scream, since the pain somehow never arrived.

She was rolled over and the other foreleg got the same treatment, and nearly produced the prepared scream. But as uncomfortable as it got, the threshold between pain and discomfort was never breached.

Then the hind legs. The incipient scream of agony waited on her lips but the pain threshold was never reached. She only yelped a little when Helga somehow grabbed her tail and adjusted. CRICKLE!

"Is Prin - Contessa Solaris okay?" Helga asked with honest concern.

"Oh, just taken by surprise, don't mind me," she said and chuckled, wondering just how many pieces she was going to find herself in.

"Well, be ready for this," Helga said, and Celestia nearly yelped again as a hot, moist towel was wrapped around her tail. Others went around her wings and legs, then were added to her barrel and neck, Fluttershy helping with the last. The heat easing the last tension as Helga packed away her gear.

"Now, she stay in moist heat an hour. Helga will change them out in 20 minutes," the masseuse said, "We'll do the real work tomorrow."

"I'll keep an eye on her," Fluttershy promised.

With the minotaur gone, Celestia looked at Fluttershy. "That was normal?"

"No, you were a lot worse than most ponies. I would think you'd have someone to help you at the palace," Fluttershy said, "It was a pleasure to watch her work. I picked up a few tricks myself."

"I thought I did have a masseuse. I just never had an experience like this," Celestia admitted.

"Well, the Contessa can come back every so often and get a retreatment. That's the best compliment you can give, trusting and coming back," Fluttershy said, "Although Princess Celestia may need to talk to her masseuse about really doing his or her job."

Celestia didn't nod, and considered how to broach the subject with the pony. Maybe let him watch Fluttershy work on her bear friend, Celestia relaxed and considered. Then unrelaxed as she remembered Helga had said 'real work tomorrow'. It isn't over, Celestia realized.

Ranma looked at the map and felt no satisfaction that the hills he'd pointed out earlier were in fact the source of the changeling emanations. He was already on to the next question. "How many changelings would there have to be, to be that far away, and for your spell to make you think they're fewer and close?"

"A lot," Harry replied, "You feel like walking into the middle of them and counting?"

Ranma steeled himself. "You don't suppose that we could beat up the leader and take over the whole army?"

"If we defeat him?" Harry asked.

"When we defeat him," Ranma replied, cocked his head and grinned at Dresden, "What's with the doom and gloom? You're a wizard, Harry."

"I hate those books," Harry said as he followed Ranma.

Sometimes they'd infect them with various diseases, and watch how the disease progressed. The Nazis did the same, but the troops at Harbin kept meticulous records, better than the haphazard ways the Nazis did, Makoto thought and enjoyed Nightmare's faint pleas to stop, But it was the testing of artillery shells that was ingenious - aw it fainted.

Sailor Jupiter returned her attention to the meeting taking place before her. The argument about water usage, from the ocean, had the feeling of the surreal. "Excuse me, doesn't drinking sea water make ponies sick?"

The academic who was presenting her plans to tax ponies for sea water consumption looked around confused at having the rhythm of her speech broken. "Well, yes, I suppose," she said with a strong air of 'what does that matter you stupid person?'

"Chancellor, collect that pony, her charts and colleagues and have them thrown over the edge of the city as a lesson to people coming into my presence unequipped with common sense. Have her," Sailor Jupiter said and pointed to the pegasus presenter, "Thrown off the west end."

"Yes, your Cruelty," Blueblood said with all the gravitas he could, reminding others not to laugh at the situation of killing a pegasus by defenestration.

Sailor Jupiter ignored the protests and screams of the others, and returned her attention to the rest of the court. "Now, who had the pollution diagrams, and are you ready to present, or do you need time to brush up?"

The youngest and frailest of the presenters stepped up. "I'm willing to present," she said as she levitated her charts to the easel and began explaining why letting the steel mills and other heavy industry simply dump their wastes in the ocean was a bad idea.

"Have you considered the effect of mercury?" Sailor Jupiter asked, remembering the absolutely disastrous effect that had on a fishing village in Japan.

"Yes, I kept that as a stinger, but we can go over it now if you wish," the presenter said.

"No, please continue," Jupiter said and settled back to watch the presentation and the ponies' reactions to it. She'd read the synopsis and was generally in favor of what was being proposed, but it would have to be broken into bits, rather than lumped together as an omnibus bill.

Ranma stepped away from the fallen changeling, after seventeen of the things, the last three the huge ones he'd nicknamed leviathans, he was feeling a little winded. "Any more?" he asked, and regretted it as three came at him at once. A leviathan and two ordinary soldiers. He watched the green glow form around the two soldiers. He sighed and leapt atop the leviathan, only to dodge out of the way as the soldiers slammed into where he formerly was, knocking themselves and the leviathan out.

He jumped off the three morons, and shouted to the assembled crowd, "Look, I can fight you all, or you can show me to your leader, or you can surrender."

He heard the angry noises, and watched an entire phalanx break from the crowd and advance towards him. He mentally shrugged and began stepping backwards and to the right. And they followed him.

So if they don't feel emotion, can they still be angry? he wondered as his body's long practice carried him automatically through the spiral of the Hiryu Shoten Ha, I guess we'll find out.

Harry was well aware of his family name and the implications, but he'd never really understood the item connecting his name to his city's, until now. The tornado that Ranma had generated somehow, grew larger and larger as the changelings charged Ranma en masse.

The first group got thrown a few hundred feet, while this last group might manage miles, he thought as the changelings charged and were hurled in all directions, by a force that should have screamed magic, but couldn't be detected as such.

I gotta learn how he does that, Harry thought as he dodged a falling changeling.

The creature with a tool belt dumped it, spilling various fasteners everywhere, and briefly changed into a duplicate of Harry. "Screw you guys. I'm going home!" the changeling-Harry told Harry, before detransforming, and racing into the air on battered wings.

Sailor Jupiter led the dance of the guards as she sang,

"Oh, Sailor Jupe, babe, has such teeth, dear
And she shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has Pat Buchanan
And he keeps it, out of sight

"You know when Lil' Jupe bites with her teeth, babe
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves, though, wears old Buchanan
So there's never, never a trace of red

"Now on the sidewalk, ooh, sunny morning, uh-huh
Lies an elflord just oozin' life
Eek, and someone's sneakin' 'round the corner
Could that someone be Pat the Knife?

"There's a tugboat, down by the river, don't ya know
Where a cement bag's just a-droopin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten old Paddy's back in town

"Now d'ya hear about Annatar?
He disappeared, babe
After drawin' out all his ring-made cash
And now Buchanan spends just like a sailor
Could it be our boy's done something rash?

"Now naughty Melkor, ho, ho, yeah, mean Ungoliant
Ooh, nine-head Orochi and old Lucy Fur
Oh, the line forms on the right, babe
Now that Paddy's back in town

"I said, "Now naughty Melkor, ho, ho, yeah, mean Ungoliant
Ooh, nine-head Orochi and old Lucy Fur"
Yes, that line forms on the right, babe
Now that Paddy's back in town
Look out, old Paddy's back."

The ponies broke down the sets and packed away the costumes, and looked at Makoto with very strange and concerned expressions.

"Patrick Buchanan was your paramour?" Blueblood said as he approached, struggling mightily to keep from smiling.

"Yes," Makoto said.

"Interesting. Professor Cluster Flight did remember she could fly," Blueblood reported, "Before she hit the ground, although it took her most of the way to stop protesting her position in academe as justification for not being subject to the, ahem, gravity of her situation."

"The rest, northeast or southeast?" Sailor Jupiter asked.

"We split them up and marched those less guilty to the southeast and ordered them to jump in small groups, it's near their campus after all and all complied," Blueblood said, ignored the stifled guffaw of one of the soldiers, "The others were blindfolded before we reached the edge and were tossed off en masse." He ignored the other soldier who was making noises like a glass jar full of change being shaken.

"Very good," Sailor Jupiter said, "Now, all laugh!" She did the best Kodachi laugh she could manage while the rest of the soldiers and the court just let go and started busting a gut rolling on the floor. She was glad she saw Shining Armor and Blueblood were joining in.

23) The Wine Drinks Itself

The Wine Drinks Itself
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

The setting sun and rising moon told Harry that Makoto was in control of things celestially. That did not change the fact that Harry's life was still going the way it always did.

"Harry! Pedal faster!" Ranko called as she watched the swarm of extremely angry Changelings pursuing their flying carpet.

"I'm going flat out," Harry replied, concentrating on keeping the speed high, the shield around them, and the locator spell for Bruce and Patrick going, "Sorry about flying through that cloud, I thought we could lose them." Ranma's transformation to Ranko would have been more interesting if it hadn't also sent up a flare of magic that the changelings homed in on.

Ranko shrugged. "Couldn't be helped. After all, we wanted to find them, we found them," Ranko said as she watched, "They don't seem to be giving up, which is good for everybody except us. If we flew out into the middle of the ocean would they get tired and fall into the drink?"

"Why not, we probably would," Harry replied. He could feel exhaustion screaming in his bones as he wrung more magic out of himself just to keep the spells going. Then he lost the traces to both Bruce and Patrick. He tried to keep his concentration, but there were limits.

"We're slowing down, we're slowing down," Ranko warned unnecessarily.

"Here I come to save the day!" Patrick sang as he passed them and accelerated. The sonic boom shook them, but the multiples scattered the changelings as he flew into the middle of them.

Bruce appeared next to their descending carpet. The outsider gestured and the trio was back in Ponyville. Harry nodded to the creature, who saluted back, then make a complicated gesture at Ranko, who burst out laughing. Then the Outsider vanished. Presumably to rejoin the fight against the Changeling army.

"What did he say?" Harry asked as he tried to stand and his legs went on strike.

Damned traitors, he thought as Ranko stifled her laughter.

"He said next time he wants to find trouble, he'll just follow us around," Ranko said and laughed, "I think he summed up my life pretty well."

Harry had to smile. "Mine too. Right now I think crawling into bed and getting some sleep sounds like a great idea."

"I'm not that kind of girl," Ranko said and sniffed, before picking Harry up easily.

"I can walk you know," Harry said, overflowing the smaller girl so much his boots and knuckles dragged on the ground.

"I've read your chi, standing would be a major effort right now," Ranko said, "And if you don't get rest and food, you could be out of the fight for days. And this was only the first skirmish. We'll need everybody tomorrow, and especially for the climax."

Bruce was no high strategist, but he knew enough about animal behavior to recognize wary prey when he saw their conduct. "They aren't falling for it," he told Patrick in his own language, the pex-infused device Patrick carried allowing the translation from 'Elder Thing' easily.

The plan to retreat while drawing them into a trap seemed to have been sensed by the changelings. Of course, he thought, They probably sensed we weren't as genuinely fearful as the other two. Probably stood out like a swollen tentacle node.

Patrick tried to charge, but the swarm dissipated like mist on a sunny day, the rear ranks had already begun pulling away. Patrick glanced at the chronometer he carried strapped to his wrist. "Yeah, we shouldn't have sent Ranma and Harry to safety, they were the bait."

"Agreed," Bruce said, "Speaking of bait, there's someone you need to talk to, someone who might be of use in the coming battle."

"Actually, there are two someones, but it's getting past one of their bedtimes, so let's visit yours first."

Makoto had retired for the evening as Blueblood walked out from Shiney's 'rebel meeting'. They'd each been given a private briefing, and details of what and whom to watch, and instructions to discuss it with no one, even each other. Blueblood understood why he'd been lumped in with the bootlickers and turncoats, but it still hurt that he could serve faithfully, he was lumped in with that bunch.

"Would you mind some company?" Stitch In Time, the leader of the seamstresses asked as she walked next to Blueblood. While not as powerful as the chefs, or as obscure as the lamplighters, she was part of the invisible hierarchy that kept the palace and the princess so radiantly perfect.

Blueblood nodded. "Troubling times. I remember a legal brief about the captain of a ship committing barratry against the crown, and the junior officers and crew mutinying against the captain and his supporters. The ship was subsequently lost, as the captain warned. While the legal wrangling made it perfect bedtime reading." He paused to let Stitch give a ladylike snort before he continued, "The fundamental problem fascinated me. Can you revolt against lawful authority and remain loyal, and how does that redound to you in later life? The hierarchy of loyalties and the idea of are you loyal to the letter or the spirit of the law?"

Stitch nodded. "So you think all that's happened is part of Celestia's plan?"

"No, she was as surprised as anyone. And that Patrick somehow found the Alicorn Amulet has changed things in further ways," Blueblood said, "But, with an army of Changelings, and these elves running around, what is a pony to do, be loyal to Celestia, loyal to Equestria and Celestia's ideals, some of one and a bit of the other? This is not meant as a critique, I think each of us must plan our course and decide."

Stitch nodded and departed.

I wonder how much of that will get back to Makoto, Blueblood wondered and decided to retire before the other conspirators approached him to set him up as the scapegoat for their failed palace revolution.

Don looked at the pair. "It is an interesting conundrum," he said, "But you haven't mentioned why I should extend myself only to be revealed for my troubles?"

"Would you be revealed?" Pat asked, "The dragon has been revealed already, the Equestrians haven't made the connection. AS long as you are careful, they won't."

"That addresses the second point," Don pointed out.

"There is the fact that you can have a chance to terrorize both sides, and get a medal out of it," Pat said.

Don snickered. "Yes, that would be worth it." He smiled. "Too bad I can't achieve my true form with my own abilities, or are you and that item offering to help."

"No, I've got my own transformation and reinforcements to worry about," Pat said. He pointed to Bruce. "He'll take care of it."

The Elder Thing fainted.

"You didn't discuss this with him before you came here, did you?" Don asked.

"And have him refuse?" Pat asked, "Perish the thought."

They waited until Bruce woke up. "Trouble?" Don said of the human wizard glancing around.

"Just general paranoia, which too often becomes completely justified," Patrick said, "Ah, I think we have a winner in the question of who remains behind to guard your assets while you go a-dragoning."

"Is he up to facing an Elfqueen?" Don asked as Bruce finished rousing himself.

"Yes," Bruce said, "As long as she is no stronger than Celestia."

"Considerably weaker," Don replied, "But Celestia fights with both wings behind her back, I expect you will not be so limited."

"You expect her to attack, while we are otherwise occupied?" Bruce asked.

"Why wouldn't she when all this has been set up?" Patrick asked.

"You have to think like a cruel treacher, and decide what to move the pieces to do so you have the greatest advantage," Don added.

"So you leave me to guard the - your - real prize, while you rescue ours," Bruce said, "Interesting, gives me an honorable job, while maximizing our firepower against our obvious enemy."

Don nodded to Patrick. "He's learning."

"He's been watching our dreams together, mine, Ranma and Makoto's," Patrick said, "Considering how much Makoto has learned, I hoped he was learning."

"If you can enter dreams, then I have an additional price, something of an ice breaker with her highness," Don said.

Patrick shrugged. "I think I have exactly what is needed. But do you have the time to enact it?"

"It's for tomorrow, before the battle," Don said, "Just to remind dear Celestia what she's really fighting for."

Bruce looked at his ally as they flew through the night. "You are insane," he said, "And why did you leave when he was going to open up?"

"Didn't want to blow his cover," Patrick said, "And this thing has a side-effect. Being trapped with those racks and racks of wheels, brr."

"Then why did you buy and eat one?" Bruce asked.

"Oh, to piss this thing off," Patrick said, "It may have been paranoid about wheels, but I'm not going to let that rule my life."

"I reiterate, you are insane," Bruce said.

"Considering some of the people I've met and work for, that's a given," Patrick replied, he turned and incinerated the elf riding a yarrow stalk in pursuit of them, then looked at Bruce, "Are you saying this is beyond your abilities?"

"Of course not," Bruce said, "But do you know who he is?"

"He's an ally," Patrick replied, "You're starting to sound like Harry, calling you an outsider and implying you're stringing us along until you can eat our minds and souls."

"I know tainted food when I see it," Bruce replied, "Fine, I make him back into a dragon, you can become a dragon with proper rituals, where are you getting the third?"

Despite not having smiling apparatus installed, Bruce knew a predator's smile when he saw one.

Rarity knew she was asleep, was in fact dreaming, but the scenario seemed so real she was inclined to treat it as real. She'd faced dragons before, she'd even faced them alongside Twilight, but the pair of brutes facing them would have eaten that dragon alive without sauce.

A lady is as she must be, she thought, trying not to quail at the attention one the lighter-colored and oddly familiar one.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" she asked, and ignored Twilight's whispered warning.

The lighter dragon lunged at her.

"Stop!" the other, darker dragon ordered, freezing his fellow titan in midgrab, "What is most valuable?"

The lighter colored dragon seemed lost in thought. Then he turned his hand and set it before Rarity and Twilight like a royal carpet. Rarity stepped onto it, and when Twilight stood mouth agape, she levitated her friend beside her onto the dragon's hand. The huge dragon carefully lifted the pair so he was eye to eye with them.

"Look at them," the darker dragon commanded, "One is fearful, one accepting, do you want to lose either?"

The dragon seemed to be struggling with thinking. Rarity felt Twilight approach, and patted her on the leg.

"He won't hurt us," she said, "Will you Spike?" She felt proud of herself at the realization.

"No," the huge dragon brought them close enough for Rarity to nuzzle him. She glared at Twilight who reluctantly did the same.

"So they are - "

"Mine!" Spike-dragon interrupted the darker dragon.

"Of course, but to keep them, you have to let them go, if they come back, that's they think they're yours," the darker dragon said, "Remember the sand running through your fingers. Friendship is the water that holds the sand together."

Spike-dragon set them down, and once they were clear, roared his frustration at the other dragon. The darker dragon accepted the blows Spike rained down on him, blocking and absorbing them as an expert martial artist would, until Spike's anger and energy were diminished.

The dark dragon patted Spike's shoulder. "I know it hurts, but this is the way. The easy way is so much harder in the end."

Spike roared his fury, but sat down and extended his hand to Rarity and Twilight.

This time, Twilight accompanied Rarity. Spike lifted them to his cheeks and gently nuzzled them each.

Quite a feat for so huge a creature Rarity thought as Spike lowered them and let them leave.

"There will be more, but I think you've passed the first test," the dark dragon said, "We need to go."

"Mine!" Spike announced and pointed at Rarity and Twilight.

"Of course, but to make sure they are yours, you have to be theirs, that's what we have to work on next."

Spike's eyes crossed and he fell over.

The dark dragon sighed. "Is what I'm saying lately really so provocative?" he asked and faded from sight along with Spike.

"I think we need some tea while we wait," Rarity said, "I'm going to need that masseuse Fluttershy was raving about."

"Raving?" twilight said.

"Well, raving for Fluttershy," Rarity admitted.

24) ﻿When the Going Gets Weird, the Pros Deal With It

When the Going Gets Weird, the Pros Deal With It
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Twilight had faced monsters before, dragons and nightmares, she'd even been turned to stone. But the colt she was facing now left her with a fear beyond any she'd felt before. This colt, actually an alien ripped from another world by her mistake, had heard the cries of fear from Cheerilee's class and with his eleven companions rushed to the rescue. Payment for this heroic altruism was a severe beating by the Royal Guard out to 'subdue the monsters', and the near fatal wounding of one of his companions.

There was no hatred from the pegasus colt that showed. His expression was one of bored tolerance, but she felt the loathing radiating off him like storm surge before a hurricane. She was terrified of the reaction to her apologize and explanation. Not physical violence but the verbal and psychological reaction.

"This is what you have nightmares about?" Bruce asked as he walked through a wall and looked around the hospital setting, "Let's quit using metaphors, and get down to horseshoe nails."

He gestured and the colt was the human wizard, the unpresent wounded comrade was Makoto, and the details were the real interaction with the humans who had and were still, presumably, spearheading the anti-bronicorn invasion operation.

"What are you doing here?" Twilight demanded, "If this is a dream, how did you get in? Where is Princess Luna?"

"She's stretched a little thin," Bruce told her as he looked at the motionless figure overflowing the colt-sized bed. "Pinkie thought she was eating herself, Applejack poisoned half the country with a new cultivar of apples, Rainbow Dash turned into Scootaloo, a male Scootaloo, and Fluttershy . . . well, she caught the elf who was sending the nightmares to her, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Rarity. Remind everyone not to hurt her friends and mock her about it. That mare has breath-taking anger management issues, practical experience in how brutal nature actually is, various physiologies and quite an imagination." Bruce shuddered at the memory.

"Oh, the elf they sent to give Spike nightmares? I don't think she was planning on meeting two dragons, or was it kaiju, is that Equestrian for dragon?" he said and waved his tentacles, "Anyway, I'm here to help you. First, you didn't bring us here, and whoever did clearly had this mission in mind, so you've got no reason to be guilty. Second, friendly fire, all of them have been shot at or shot by eventual allies so often that they take it in stride, except for me and you didn't hurt me or anyone I cared about at the time, so that's two down. Third, I'm wondering about the infantalizing of your victim, do you want to feel ever more guilt, is that what this scenario is about, or is there a maternal hurt/comfort dynamic, or a full blown Jocasta-complex that you feel sexually unfulfilled in your life and you must submit to an apparently weak male who secretly is powerful enough to dominate you? It is what I squeezed out of the elf, and no I'm not speaking figuratively. Fourth, odd that you'd check in on the man, and it would be the pair-bonded one rather than the loner sleeping under your roof, or the nonmagical type. Only want a magic-using male who has been vetted by a female you trust or trusted, and what, you plan to steal him away from one you hate? You'd need Applejack or Celestia's help there, high maintenance-types like you, Luna and Rarity are definitely off his list. Fifth, don't you ever stop talking, it's like I can't get a word in edgewise without a fromic drill, a sonic screwdriver and a note from mommy. Well, tea to be massacred, Vikings to be steeped, Pythons to be Montied, and elves to be introduced to the wonders of steel wool."

Twilight stared for quite some time at the empty space where Bruce and the colt had been. "I think I actually miss Discord," she said.

The elf whimpered as Patrick approached him with a red stapler. "This can be done the easy way, or the hard way," he told the squirming elf who lay in distinct counterpoint in noise and activity to his colleague who stared open-mouthed at the sky. "I'd really prefer the hard way," Patrick said, "It is so much more fun."

The elf squealed in horror at the thought of those tiny bits of iron shoved into more sensitive parts of his anatomy. The dream-sorceress who brought them into the dream world of the ponies had been nailed upside down to the wall, and despite the apparent pain, the threat of bronze nails were preferable.

"We'll start simple, them move up to the tools you were going to use on those kids. But that'll take a while as they cool. I've remade them in cast iron and it just holds the heat, and I wouldn't want to burn you before I figure out how to strap you into those gizmos. How'd you get in, and how many of you are there in here?" Patrick asked, keeping his voice gentle and quiet, further terrifying the elf before him. "You know you'll tell me eventually. And unlike a human, you can't die in here. Give a human sufficient shock in a dream, and they die. You elves can't quite go that far. So I can take a lifetime to show you all the ways you can hurt, heal you back, and start all over again. I can take an eternity figuring out the best way to use the equipment you brought, and how to combine and contrast them."

The elf could smell the iron all around him, closing him in, threatening to crush him completely in a prison that would burn him away slowly, and knowing that this monster would not only do it, but enjoy every moment of it. Not because he was better, as an elf would, or establishing dominance over a lesser creature, or just for his amusement, as an elf would, but just because he didn't want to riddle the information out of an elf.

"The Queen would kill me for truth," he replied.

"It's good you understand that you'll live through this, no matter what I do, because I have so many things I want to try on a resisting subject," Patrick said, "So shall we begin?"

Ranma could guess where he was supposed to be, but this Nightmare version of the Everfree looked more like a boss-fight from a cheap horror game knock off.

I'm glad Makoto could get Nightmare to send us here, Ranma thought as he drew the lightning bolt Makoto had gifted him and charged, Fifteen to one odds is no fair, unless you're me. He laughed as blades parted on parrying what amounted to a chunk of ball lightning.

Ranma jumped over the stunned elves and laid into the hell hounds that had coursed Luna and Celestia. Most only needed the shock of the lightning to retreat howling in fear. The human musicians accompanying the hunt were a nice choice as they struck up a martial tune, and the elves fell into the rhythm.

I'm never complaining about piano lessons again, Ranma thought as he struck on the downbeats while the elves acted on the upbeat, Where have I heard of all this before? Oh, yeah, Venus describing a fox hunt in England. They're doing the same thing, running the alicorns down, and then closing in. Ranma watched the last elf fall and looked around for the alicorns he'd been rescuing a few moments earlier.

"That what I hate about dreams," Ranma said and found himself on a beach full of bookshelves rather than the forest he'd been in, "Fighting in a dojo one second, walking across a pool of flaming jello juggling lobsters the next. How Kuno taught the jello to juggle I never could figure out."

Ranma heard the sounds of battle, and drew the .45 Patrick had insisted he carry in battle. It came out of the back holster as a Thompson SMG. He removed the huge drum magazine, and instead of bullets there were small, distorted cream pies. "Oh, this is going to be one of those dreams." He replaced the drum, checked the action and headed towards the sound of the drums. He spotted something on one of the bookshelves. "Oh, I always wanted to try that. I guess it is one of those dreams." He shouldered the heavy backpack off the shelf, put it on and continued where the sounds of battle led.

Celestia watched the hunt approaching her and Luna. They'd been trying for the Castle of the Pony Sisters, but had been cut off at every turn.

"Why can't we fly?" Celestia asked as she examined the walls of the box canyon they'd been forced into, a canyon that existed nowhere in the Everfree.

Luna shook her head. "This nightmare is protected somehow," she said and staggered, "Viciously. If I had a bit of time, I could overcome the - what are you doing here?" Luna asked as Makoto began sinking swords in the ground across the mouth of the canyon. She would check that words graven in the swords were facing away from the two alicorns.

"Oh, performing my nefarious scheme," she told Luna, "And to ensure the ultimate culmination of my master plan!" She laughed a particularly grating and horrific laugh, accompanied by a crash of thunder.

Celestia had a bit of trouble holding back a giggle so the full effect of the joke could hit Luna.

"Which is!?" Luna approached and confronted Makoto, "Why do those swords say 'Front Towards Enemy'?"

"My plan is to return Celestia to the throne in triumph!" Makoto announced in a booming voice that echoed off the distant mountains, and she laughed again, and again a thunderclap accompanied it.

Luna stood mouth agape and staring into space. She shook herself and focused back on Makoto who'd finished the picket fence and was moving back towards Celestia. "Then why take her from the throne?"

"How is she supposed to return if I don't take her off first? And if I replace her, I have more control over what happens in the interim." Makoto turned to Celestia. "Was she dropped on her head as a child, er, foal?"

"No, she's just a very linear and direct thinker," Celestia said.

"Oh, she's a man," Makoto said, "That explains everything. Good doctor I can't see any scars."

"I'm a mare!" Luna insisted directly in Makoto's face and glared at the smirking Celestia.

"Yes, yes, personal pronouns are so important when someone is trying to overwhelm your realm and eat the citizenry," Makoto said and spoke out of the side of her mouth to Celestia, "I think her hormone balance needs looking into. My preferred pronoun is 'Your Imperial Highness'."

The hunt in their hundreds approached the steel fence and shied away from it. More appeared at the barrier as they spread out trying to outflank it.

Luna dropped the argument with Makoto to face the elves in their battle array.

"These long swords will not stop us," the lord of the hunt gestured at the fence.

"Oh, those aren't long swords," Makoto said as she pulled out a box with a key and a button on it, she turned the key, causing the button to glow. "They're claymores." She pushed the button.

When the smoke cleared, and the echoes died away, they were standing on a pleasant meadow with a few apple and pear trees in the distance.

"Better?" Makoto asked.

"Luna?" Celestia asked. Her sister concentrated and the meadow sprouted several patches of carrots and a picnic table.

"The influence is gone," Luna said and turned to confront Makoto, who was fading away.

"Tag, your it," Makoto said as she waved and vanished completely.

"The logic of dreams," Celestia said and shrugged, "It seems that we are going to survive another night." She sighed. "As much as I enjoy your company, our ponies are still under threat."

Luna nuzzled Celestia. "I wish I could trust them as you do," Luna said, "And stay here and leave them to do with these 'elves' whatever they wish."

"But you're afraid our ponies might see," Celestia said and nodded. A moment later she was alone and the welcoming meadow seemed little more than another empty place.

25) Homeostasis in Social Systems

Homeostasis in Social Systems
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Cadence and Shining Armor were side-by-side, facing in opposite directions as the dark figures closed in. One would get a glimpse and fire, but the shadow would duck out of sight into the mass before they could focus it down.

"I can't figure out if they look like Discord or Nightmare Moon," Shining said as he tried to watch the two quadrants to his front, while trusting Cadence to watch the remaining two.

"Celestia has let me see some information on the Crystal Empire," she admitted, "There's a villain named King Sombra. When we get out of here, and Twilight isn't around, I'll tell you about him."

"It's a date," he said, "Sounds like a real horror film." He smiled at her laugh and hip bump on his shoulder.

The figure that appeared would have been a worse nightmare than what had surrounded them, except Armor knew he was on their side. Ranma was carrying a device that looked like it had come from one of Twilight's maddest fever dreams: a huge backpack attached by a rectangular metal hose to a large can with a stovepipe at the end. It was already making a loud whining sound, then it transitioned into the true nightmare. Twilight had once speculated about a million monkeys with a million typewriters in a room duplicating the complete literature of Equestria. The machine Ranma swung around like a fire-hose sounded like that monkey room. The narrow finger of white flame swept over the darkness and figures both close and far exploded into burst of rainbow light.

Ranma walked crabwise around the perimeter hosing the darkness away leaving an Equestrian plain with grass and trees in the distance. Once he'd completed his circuit, he adjusted the machine so it first stopped with the flame/million typewriter noise, then the whine went away.

The stovepipe changed into three smaller tubes and a framework holding them together. Ranma took off the glasses and earplugs Shining hadn't seen he'd been wearing and said something to the two ponies. The only thing reassuring about the scenes was Ranma was very careful not to point the business end of the weapon at either pony, even as Cadence approached.

"It smells like spent fireworks," she said. While Ranma never pointed it at her, he did keep the weapon between himself and Cadence.

"He's more afraid of you than he is of those monsters," Shining said, a tactical observation rather than a boyfriend one.

Cadence turned to frown at him, Ranma took the opportunity to run for the hills. Cadence turned to see the Sonic Rainboom the figure made on his retreat. Cadence sighed. "I get the feeling that while they are here to help us, they'll never accept our friendship."

"Considering how they were greeted on entry, I can't blame them for being wary," Armor said, "We can kill them at any time, and they have little defense."

Cadence whirled to face him. "We'd never do that!"

Armor switched to superior officer lecturing junior officer mode. "It was already done, and you then compounded the error. We've given them no reason to trust us. Accept they will fight our enemies, preserve the ones we love, and go on from there. Demanding they accept our friendship after we breached their trust in the first hour they were here, makes us no better than these elves."

"I don't have to like it," Cadence said.

"I never said you did," Armor said, "But if you don't accept their boundaries, you may move us into the 'enemies' category."

Cadence looked at the cleared field, devoid of any trace of the nightmare than had haunted them for hours, swept away in moments. "I'll remember that."

There were 30 of them now, and aside from the four who'd headed out to speak with Zecora, they were all quietly terrified. The boasts by various fucktards on the Reddits and other forums that they had a chance to go to Equestria had been dismissed as trolling or general asshattery. A few had them posted theories about how it would be possible, and how so many people who had only had online contact could come together and plan before they moved. Many of those here had trolled the idealists who had developed those plans, but they had read them.

Then there had been the stories of those who had come back. Horror stories of psychological tortures inflicted by humans/humanoids or utterly inhuman monsters. Some of those here had trolled those previously braggadocios fucktards, but they had listened, and speculated on the identities of Equestria's new defenders.

Now they had massed in the castle of the Pony Sisters, per the previously mentioned plans, they discussed in earnest and face to face their dilemma. They were all fucktards one and all, but they weren't stupid enough to make the same mistakes the first group had.

"Look we know it's Ranma and Harry Dresden, those guys are cool, as long as we don't start anything," one of the alicorn stallions said.

"Yeah, but that's an Elder Thing, those fuckers MADE humanity 400 million years ago, by accident," another argued.

"Sailor Jupiter," a third said wistfully, "I'd like to meet her!" He laughed and got walloped on the head.

"Idiot, that what got those assholes crucified before," the first said and shook his hoof, "I'd ask if you're really that dense, but I got the proof." He shook his hoof again.

He drifted to another circle.

"Look Sergi Antanov had a character like that other wizard who traveled to roads doing little miracles and facing off bad guys in where became the AustroHungarian Empire," one of the more scholarly bronicorns said.

"Look man, I just don't want to get on that fucker's bad side," another said, "I've been outside the wire in Afghanistan, and there are a few black ops guys, in camp nice, mellow, outside, the only place safe is in their six, because they killed every other mothafucker who popped up everywhere else."

"If we understand his psychology, we can avoid that," the scholar said.

"Okay, I'm down with that," the military bronicorn said, and scratched his head with a hoof, "But don't you think this guy's more like Lazarus Long, you know like Heinlein and shit?" He looked around. "Hey when you're in camp and a storm's messin' the satellite, readin's all you got sometimes. So you, brainiac, what the hell is that dragon, Ancalagon the Black?"

"More like Tiamat, not from D&D, the Akkadian embodiment of Chaos or possibly Kur part of her retinue, Apep is too evil and destroying, or even Lotan who prefigured the Biblical Leviathan, could be why he's close to the ocean," the scholar said, "Or either or both could be examples of Raven and Loki respectively. Raven tended to cause beneficial chaos, while Loki would be a troublesome friend."

The soldier bronicorn nodded. "Ran into some of those too that Raven must be the patron saint of DIs. Fuck up your shit to make you a man, then fuck you up again to make you a soldier."

"That's one way of putting it, out of curiosity, Marines aren't 'soldiers' but their instructors are 'DIs', army are soldiers, and their instructors are 'Drill Sergeants'," the scholar said and looked around sheepishly, "Sorry, Associate Professor of Comparative Literature, I study the use and history of words in writing."

The soldier laughed. "No sweat, I got bounced from the Marines, but the Army took me. And I think I figured out how you got lumped in with the rest of us fucktards, you're to drive Sparkle crazy."

There were a few laughs among the group. Another of the 'administration' approached. "The consensus remains, we talk to Zecora, and get her to take us to Dresden, he's the least likely to fry us on sight."

"Agreed," he said.

"Why not just cut out the middle man?" Harry asked from his perch on the balcony overlooking the throne room.

"Oh, shit," the scholar said.

"Naw man, it's cool," the soldier said to the scholar then looked at Harry, "We surrender."

Most of them were actually looking forward to Dresden's chagrin and confusion. Nothing ever came easy for him, without treachery, but they were going to buck that trend and they had the hooves to do it.

Makoto arrived at a scene of complete carnage. The instruments of the carnage were not obvious. The very dead, naked elves were conspicuous, but one armed with a stapler with a bronze railroad spike through his head, and the female covered in small wounds and armed with a pair of similar spikes told a very strange story she didn't want to understand.

Patrick wasn't giving them the usual 'shatter their souls' treatment. Instead he was just waiting for them to dissolve. "Like throwing a couple of rabid dogs into someone's backyard. Not something I'd normally do, but -"

"Did they get to the kids?" Makoto asked.

Patrick shook his head. "I got these, Bruce and Fluttershy got the others, the bulk of the force was part of the wild hunt you and Ranma took care of, and that is that, for tonight." He looked at Makoto. "How's Nightmare?"

"Curled up in ball whimpering." Makoto sighed. "I know this was a dream, and while we could be hurt in a dream, and they can't, it all feels sordid."

"For all their power, it wasn't a fair fight," Pat said, stood and kissed her on the forehead.

"That's your way of telling me to go home, while you play?" Makoto asked.

"Do you want to know what I did to make those two kill each other?" Patrick asked.

Makoto felt her stomach churn but shook her head. Then she stared at him. "I know you don't like elves."

"Especially child murdering ones," Pat added.

Makoto nodded and continued, "But you never did this against any of our enemies."

"Never had to," Patrick said, he changed, somehow becoming far darker, "I did against Mistress Nine, to get her loose of Hotaru."

Makoto felt a spike of horror. "Hotaru didn't see, did she?"

Patrick looked at her with an expression of horror matching or exceeding her own. "Oh course not, how could you think that?"

"There's a vanishing elf corpse who was killed by being stapled, repeatedly," Makoto said and softened her tone, "Sometimes you have to ask, just to be sure."

"No, I kept Hotaru from seeing any of it, other than a covered corpse, which could have been a manikin under a tablecloth as far as she knew," Patrick replied, "But she had to know she was free of that parasite, so she'd quit second guessing herself."

Makoto nodded. "But you're goin' huntin', aren't you?"

"Just a perimeter sweep, I'm fairly sure we got them all," Patrick said.

"Well, hurry back," she said and draped her arms over his shoulders, resting her forehead on his chin, "You know how I get after a fight."

"There's always a short walk and a soft bower," Patrick replied smiling.

"We gotta go, we gotta go!" Ranma announced as he raced into the arena, sidestepping the corpses and the blood and discarding the minigun as he ran, "Pink horse with the heart bombs is right behind me!" Ranma gasped and looked around behind him.

"Go," Patrick said, "I've got other ways to hide."

Makoto swept Ranma up in her arms and reappeared in her bedroom.

"Thanks," Ranma breathed, "Uh, you aren't letting go."

"You owe me, and this time you don't get to run away," she told him undoing the ties of his shirt, "The safe word is 'cats' and I promise to be gentle, but this dance has gone on long enough."

"Can I go back to the pink pony?" Ranma asked weakly.

"What do you think?" Makoto asked and smiled enough to give Ranma the shivers.

26) When is Treachery a Fig Newton?

When is Treachery a Fig Newton?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

The sunrise had been a little shaky, but the day had begun for most ponies, and continued unabated for one careworn dragon. Spike facepalmed as these new bronicorns continued to verbally tear up Harry and each other, but were the soul of gentlemen to him. "This is driving me stark raving smurfy," he muttered then facepalmed again as one of their phrases crept into his lexicon.

"The Filipinos make a good revolver in 5.56 mil," the soldier said after disparaging Harry's choice of weapons, "Just sayin'."

They had also had fun describing, in glorious detail, all his future adventures. Spike still smiled at Harry's 'I rode a zombie WHAT?!' when told about his magnificent cavalry charge to save the world. Patrick had arrived, commented that it was an eminently logical decision, then went to bed. He'd taken the profusion of bronicorns by flipping open his wallet and ordering Scotty to 'implement General Order 24, my coordinates, immediately', which despite being a death threat, seemed to please this bunch no end.

I have to accept that these people are all crazy, Spike thought as he belched out the message from Makoto that these bronicorns should be brought to the castle immediately.

"We got the answer from Makoto, and she wants us at the castle - now," Spike said and looked around the throne room. Patrick sat up in his sleeping bag and looked around.

Spike looked around too as guards surrounded the group. Like Celestia, Makoto took their arrival in stride, smiling as if the entire world and everyone in it were wonderful. Considering the open space and all the guard, Spike thought, She probably expected them to do exactly that.

Makoto wasn't sitting in Celestia's throne, out of respect or comfort he didn't know, but he did see her hair was more disheveled than Twilight's mane was just before she'd eat the chalk and pronounce a mad plan finished. Ranma who stood beside her had the facial expression Twilight usually wore on those same occasions. Spike glanced around for a fire extinguisher or a solid wall to hide behind, two absolutely necessary items when Twilight was in that state. He'd always 'misfiled' those notes for her to find and discard a few days later when the madness place was far behind her. He relaxed at bit when Patrick started grinning at the scene. Then he considered more deeply and when back to looking for a fire extinguisher and a good, stout wall.

"Somebody rode a wild stallion into the ground," one of the bronicorns commented with a mixture of wistfulness and respect.

"As you can see, Celestia is otherwise indisposed," Makoto said, "We do need your help, and so I will remand you to Captain Armor's custody."

"Have you discovered Cadence is actually Chrysalis?" one of the bronicorns blurted out.

"We've swept the entire palace clean of Chrysalis' partisans," Makoto told them.

"So any left are on her or Celestia's side," Spike heard soto voce from the Scholar.

"Just like Afghanistan," the soldier said equally quietly, then more loudly, "We're cool with getting drafted into the army, as long as we can teach as well as learn, I always wanted to be a DI."

"Captain Armor?" Makoto asked.

Shining nodded and gestured for them to follow.

"Spike will you remain please?" Makoto asked.

Spike sighed and remained behind with the court. Patrick approached with a sheaf of reports.

"Now THIS is what I was mothefuckin' talkin' about. Come to Equestria, break some heads, down some booze and kick back," the Soldier said, then turned to Harry, "Say, you've been able to hear Shiney's talk while we're around?"

Harry considered, then nodded. "Yes, it seems a property of bronicorns."

"Sweet!" the soldier said, "A whole army of changelings out there and 30 of us to take them on! That is gonna be an asskicking of Biblical proportions!"

Harry didn't have the heart to ask if they were going to be the receivers or the givers, or both.

"I just hope we can hang around until Sombra shows up," the Scholar said.

"Oh fuck yeah," the soldier said, "Crystalssss - BOOM, headshot - nope." They all laughed at the exchange.

Makoto looked at the collection of 'reports', 'advisories' and hints that she'd received. She'd provided them to Armor, and his good mood about the new crop of bronicorns had evaporated.

"I thought I knew these ponies," Armor said as he checked the warnings against the canary traps.

"Well, at least most of them are the politically unreliable side," she offered to buck up the distraught stallion, and to quell her desire to march over and hug the stuffings out of him.

"Only because there were three times as many of them as there were of the loyalists. By percentage, the treacherous were more loyal than the loyalists."

"Or they're waiting for the opportune time. Remember, if I fall the throne is wide open, that may also have been the motivating factor of the loyalists. Better me than any of the other claimants."

Shining sighed, "I suppose." He straightened up. "At least Fancy Pants and Eagle Belle are loyal, although Blueblood may be because he knows this is a temporary arrangement."

"He does love his auntie as well," Makoto said, "Don't underestimate that, even an 'inbred, streak of piss' can remember what his ancestors wanted and meant. We encountered it occasionally as the Senshi."

Armor sighed again. Makoto had enough. "You sigh like that again and I'm going to treat you as a puppy: hug you, scratch your ears, give you a belly rub, a blanket and a bowl of soup. You're a soldier, your nation is in jeopardy, don't tell me what he's going to do to you, think about what you're going to do to him."

Armor started another sigh but froze when Makoto took a step. "Okay, these bronicorns all seem to have a handle on discipline, tactics, some are even competent in weapons, so it's been mainly teaching them the jargon used by the Equestrian military. Frankly, our trainers are learning more from them than they are from us. But the reports from Patrick, Ranma and Bruce about the Changeling force arrayed against us are disheartening. We need to bring in additional forces from other areas."

"And when those other areas are attacked instead of Canterlot?" Makoto asked, "Part of the strategy is to keep the other areas strong and keep the bait, Chrysalis, here. They'll attack here in preference to anywhere else. I know it stinks, but it's the only way. Concentrate your enemies and hit them all at once. That said, send out feelers about getting some troops ready to move once the attack is underway. Better to catch them in a vice, the more hammer blows against our anvil we can land, the better."

Shining shook his head, hiding and suppressing a sigh.

"Relax, it is supposed to look dire, and the spies within are supposed to have reported it is dire," Makoto assured him, "Dawn tomorrow, it'll be all over."

"One way or the other," Shining said and froze as Makoto took another step towards him, "I mean for you. You'll either be a hero, or a prisoner."

"That's Celestia's problem. Don't forget, I don't have to be banished into the moon, I can fly there under my own power and set up my own kingdom. If Dumpling Head did it, anyone can do it."

Armor walked over to her. "Leave off the belly rub, blanket and soup; and this never leaves the room."

"Agreed, you miss Cadence that much?"

Armor nodded. "And you need it, you need to be who you are as well." He sighed.

Makoto enjoyed his fuzzy warmth and the nuzzles and back rub she got.

Zecora led the small group of bronicorns towards the parade ground. "These four came to my house, polite and quiet as any mouse. When to the castle we returned, pardon for the others had been earned. So per our agreement I must say, authority over them with you shall stay."

Armor looked at the four 'lost lambs' and considered them.

"Sir," Soldier said and managed a proper Equestrian salute instead of the travesty he'd started with, "I can vouch for them, sir."

"Why were you delayed?" Armor asked.

"We ran into a problem getting to Zecora, the Everfree isn't safe and we didn't want to risk simply killing any of Fluttershy's friends," the leader of the four said, and managed a fair approximation of Soldier's salute.

Armor nodded. "Soldier, get them up to speed on our jargon and a few basics of pony culture, pull in a couple sergeants to help you."

"Yes, sir," Soldier said and saluted.

Once Armor had moved off, Soldier asked the other bronicorns, "Tirek?"

All four of them smiled at Soldier, who nodded in reply. "This is turning into a very useful trip," their leader said.

"Yeah well, it wasn't us, he was gone when we got there," the leader of the four said.

"Shit, I just mentioned it to Harry and that Patrick guy," Scholar said, "Just a warning."

"Let's not get any just warnings about us," Soldier told the others, "Scholar, pass the word, quiet like."

Scholar nodded and headed off.

Don opened the door to Posey's room and saw she was awake. "Good to see you up, if not around."

"Please tell me you brought something," Posey said and mated her hooves in prayer.

"Sorry, they searched my bags before I came in," Don said. He fished through his mane, and passed over a large, metal test tube. "Sip it," Don warned.

Posey uncorked it and took a sip. Her joy at seeing him was eclipsed by her rapture at the taste. She smiled, then read the label. "Urine sample?" she asked and wasn't smiling.

"Why do you think they let me keep it?" he said, "I do wish I could see them tasting the thermos of 'coffee' I brought."

Posey giggled at that. "They say I'll be ready for light duty soon, and about two weeks before I'm back to scratch. There were a lot of ponies who died."

Don cut off that line of thinking, "You have nothing to be guilty about. You did your best. Everyone was taken by surprise, even the princesses. If you have to make it up to the fallen, do so by being the best Posey you can be."

"Thank you," she said, "I heard there's stirrings of a battle."

"Some of the aliens identified an army of changelings camped outside Canterlot. Since Shining Armor and Sailor Jupiter have their queen, it's pretty obvious where they are going to strike. Although it may be a ruse to strike somewhere else to get hostages to exchange, so no one is going anywhere, yet."

"What a time to be laid up," Posey said.

"Better idea, you're supposed to be on light duty. If you were trying to get the hostages with the most leverage, where would you hit? A hospital. And where within the hospital?"

Posey paled slightly, then her eyes grew hard. "The maternity ward."

"Let's talk to the doctors about letting you get some light exercise," Don said.

27) Toasted Figins Anypony?

Toasted Figins Anypony?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Harry was bothered by the sideward glances from Patrick as they scouted out the Changeling force. "Okay, I admit something that eats people's magic and identity bugs me."

"Yes, you certainly gave that impression. Indelibly I might add," Patrick added, like he was talking a man off the edge of roof.

"You're the one who actually killed her," Harry replied, "I would have left her alive."

"I am trying to gauge which of us is the more merciful in those two statements," Patrick said, "And frankly, when are you going to put that bat down?"

"I thought this was an oar," Harry said setting down the blood-stained impliment.

"It's a cricket bat, and no that isn't for smashing crickets, although I have no doubt it would serve the purpose admirably," Patrick said, "Did you mean to break each bone individually, or was that just happenstance?"

"I got excited, no I didn't, and you didn't try to stop me," Harry said, then he stared at Patrick, "How did you blank their minds of the events? Mind magic is too dangerous for that kind of manipulation."

"I covered us with an illusion of two bronicorns," Patrick said, "No pony in the village knew it was us, in fact they saw the two defeated bronicorns, and Ms. 'Equaler Than Thou' and her changeling allies as one act of treachery."

Harry nodded. "I wonder why Celestia let that village stand. Even I could smell the dark magic of the place."

"Simple, she had other things to think about," Patrick said, "Like the entire rest of her realm under attack. Traitors and fifth columnists could be dealt with later. I do wonder where this Tirek fellow went, but I think asking may raise more questions than it answers."

"Agreed. So, off to teach Spike about being a dragon in the waking world?" Harry asked.

"If Godzilla is close at hand, you use him," Patrick said, "You want to watch?"

"Yeah, from ten miles away, through a telescope," Harry answered, "My sense of adventurer has been over exercised by this trip."

Shining Armor facehooved as the four newcomers took down ten-times that number of guards without magic, and without hurting anypony.

"We're good, what can I say?" Soldier told Shining.

"You can tell me who Annatar is?" Shining said.

"Sauron is around here?" Soldier asked eagerly.

"No, sorry," Armor replied.

"Shoot, well, Annatar is Sauron, Gorthaur the Cruel, right hand of Morgoth or Melkor, forger of the Rings of Power and the One Ring, and all-around, superpowerful bad dude. He called himself Annatar when he was tricking the Elves into helping his forging the Rings of Power," Soldier said, "Then he ran off and forged the ruling ring, the One Ring to Rule Them All. Planned on taking over the world, but the Numenoreans kicked his ass, so that plan went on the back burner for 3,000 years."

"If he was so powerful, how did they beat him?" Armor asked.

Soldier chuckled, "You'd have to ask Scholar, I mainly read the wiki," Soldier said, "But their fleet filled the harbor at Umbar, 40 by 10 miles. So he pussied out after his army di di mau'd." Soldir pointed behind him.

Armor got the picture, tried to imagine a fleet so powerful Celestia would surrender to it, after the ponies had fled out of reach. There's not enough material on the panet to build a fleet that big, he thought.

Abandoning those terrifying images, he continued, "You mentioned Melkor."

"Sauron's boss until the Valar took him out," Soldier said.

"And Ungoliant?"

"Spider so big, it terrified big M himself," Soldier said, "They ate the light from the Two Trees, the Sun and the Moon are just the fruit of those trees."

"Melkor and Ungoliant destroyed the plant the sun and the moon grew from?" Armor asked.

Soldier nodded. "Why the sudden interest," Soldier asked, "They're just stories to most people."

"Something I heard," Armor said, "Sauron's dead, right?"

"As a door nail, so's Ungoliant," Soldier said.

"That confirms what I heard, excuse me," Armor left, trying to match up what he'd just heard with Makoto's song.

I'm almost afraid to ask about Lucy Fer, Armor thought.

The huge dragon screamed, and suddenly returned to his normal size. Patrick gasped and raced into the air to catch the falling dragon. "Okay," he easily caught Spike and slowed carefully as he headed towards the ground at a more reasonable pace, "You doing okay?" Patrick asked.

"Yeah," Spike sighed and settled into his arms, "Just curious, why did I understand you in Dragon when I was big, but now you're speaking Pony."

"Probably because this thing is doing the translating and it's doing the simplest and most direct job," Patrick said, as they landed, "There's a separate dragon language?"

"Was I speaking anything that sounded like pony speech?" Spike asked.

"No," Patrick said as he set Spike down, "Why are you concerned?"

"When dealing with Twilight, you look out for weird situations, because they are a clue to something that may come back to bite you," Spike said, "Now, you're sure I'll be there and with you when the fight starts?"

"I'd be three kinds of a fool not to have you," Patrick said, "Don't worry, we'll have them in nice bite-sized pieces for when she and Celestia shows up. Basically we'll have them on the ropes when they ride to the rescue. War is as much psychology as it is tactics."

"Okay," Spike said, "Why was Ranma teaching me to grab things out of a fire real fast? I didn't have the heart to tell him that dragons aren't bothered by heat."

"Think about grabbing changelings out of the sky and damaging them just enough they can't get back into the fight. Plus, Ranma takes everything as a challenge, and teaching people his tricks is the biggest challenge he's ever had, because he has to understand the technique thoroughly before he teaches someone less talented the trick."

"Yeah, I can use it to help sort books and a lot of Twilight's supplies that need sorting," Spike said, "So I'm glad to learn, I just have to be careful with some of the things. They explode when you move them that fast."

"Oh yeah, tell me about that," Patrick said.

Princess Luna stalked the nightmares of the ponies, and found none. Not just less, but none. Then she saw her own Nightmare. Nightmare Moon was walking the dreams of ponies. Before she could confront the creature, Nightmare pulled an Ursa Major away from the dreams of a pony Luna remembered had a major phobia about bears.

"What are you doing?" Luna asked, then moderated her tone, "Not that I'm objecting."

"Penance," Nightmare said, "If I give the ponies a peaceful night's sleep, then Sailor Jupiter won't 'remember' at me."

Luna sensed Nightmare's fear, but also sensed an opportunity. " 'Remember', what memories could she have that would frighten you?" she approached the other mare of darkness, "Tell me, I would like to know."

What followed was a litany of horrors unmatched since the War of the Three Kingdoms. Chaos that would have set Discord against it. Plans not just for reigns of terror, not for planetary or even galactic-level exterminations, but enslavement of not only minds and bodies, but souls as well. And the utter indifference of the great powers to it, even using pawns to encourage the suffering and carnage.

Nightmare was lying on the ground, curled in a ball and whimpering at it all. "And she isn't the worst, Dresden and Patrick live in world where that would be a child's story, a light entertainment." She stared up at Luna, her eyes wild and tearfilled. "Those are the people facing your enemies. Discord summoned the Elements to escape, Makoto would not let me escape, Patrick wears the Alicorn Amulet and bears the Yuiop of Mergatroid, the Golden Helmet of Marebreamo, and the Crystal Skull, with no more ill-effect than a distaste for wheels. Dresden is a slaughterer of dark forces and he's warm and fuzzy compared to the others, and Bruce the Elder Thing is of a species who creates life to repopulate entire worlds, as if Applejack could stretch forth her hooves and change the whole galaxy into an apple orchard."

Luna wasn't sure what a galaxy was, but it had a massive effect on Nightmare.

"We even have 30 more bronicorns, forewarned of Equestria's new defenders, and so they surrendered and put themselves at Equestria's service rather than set a hoof wrong!"

It was against every instinct, but Luna knew she had this one chance, and grudgingly admitted that Makoto had no doubt arranged this too. She lay down beside Nightmare and laid a wing across her. "Celestia and I will talk to Makoto, when we get back. And I'm sure as long as you behave, she won't hurt you."

Luna was filled with trepidation and disgust as Nightmare wrapped her forelegs around Luna's and sobbed.

Armor rolled out of bed, ready and willing. Today is the day, he thought, Sometime today, the Changelings will attack. The guard will be ready for them. He considered the reinforcements in the form of 30 alicorns and the promise that the dragon who had been seen over Las Pegasus, as well as two others would join the defense.

With my shield and those forces, how can we lose? he thought, Of course Twilie and their Highnesses will be arriving and will be able to crush anything we haven't already overwhelmed.

He looked around nervously. So why do I think we're all doomed? he wondered.

Spikezilla yanked the stones from out of the fire Ranma was tending. They were tiny things, and it had to be done quickly. He got them all, and dumped them approximately back into the fire. His greed for knowledge and mastery of the skill inflamed as Ranma effortlessly collected the hot stones and tossed them back into the fire to heat up.

He wanted that skill, he wanted it so badly, because it meant Twilight and Rarity would be safe. He didn't shout out 'Spike want!' because he knew it wouldn't work. Instead he dredged his mind for what the other dragon had told him.

They are your friends, friends are very valuable, but to ensure they are your friends, you have to be able to let them go, he thought as he laid down.

A moment later Spike was in Ranma's arms, as the martial artist had raced forward to catch him. Ranma took him over to the fire and went through the motions to pluck the hot stones from the fire. They'd been at this since before dawn, and Spike was getting a lot better.

But I need to be a lot better than I am, he thought. They went through the exercises as Spike for a while, then Spike concentrated on the greed and protective instincts within him.

Spikezilla yanked the stones from out of the fire Ranma was tending. They were tiny things, and it had to be done quickly.

Applejack looked up from the mat at Rarity. "How'd y'all do that?" she asked as she took Rarity's hoof and pulled herself onto her feet.

"Because combat is a skill like applebucking, and it takes practice," Rarity said sweetly, then sharpened her tone, "Twilight quit taking notes and actually move. Letting your body do the move without thinking about it is the point."

The studious unicorn dropped the quill and went back to the motions that Rarity had insisted she practice.

"Your rear legs are stronger than mine, but there are ways to use that strength against you, and ways to transmit that strength to your forelegs," Rarity said, "Cadence be a dear and come over and help Applejack with that hip throw."

The pink alicorn trotted over and squared off against Applejack, and worked her through the training she'd received from her paramour. Rarity took the opportunity to watch Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy practicing against Luna. Mostly dodging by Fluttershy, but Luna had tagged Rainbow, while she couldn't lay a hoof or horn on Fluttershy.

'Weak flier' my fetlocks, Rarity thought as Rainbow brute forced her way through and Fluttershy seemed to become the movements, exactly what Rarity was teaching Applejack.

She looked around for Pinkie. Or Celestia, or Opal and the other animals, she thought as she looked around for Pinkie Pie, What is that mare up to?

Then she heard the boom.

Oh, Rarity thought.

28) Solving Problems with Violence

Solving Problems with Violence

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Winona shoved the powder charge into the barrel, Owlicious added the carton of streamers and confetti, Gummi and Tank adjusted the barrel from loading to firing position, Opal glanced around to make sure everyone was clear, readied the firing mechanism and jumped off the cannon. Angel gleefully pulled the lanyard.

Again the target was covered with screamers and confetti, and cleaning and servicing the party cannon started again.

"You guys are almost as good as I am," Pinkie commented, "A couple more shots and we can move up to firing pies." She grinned at the thought, while the animals showed a varying level of enthusiasm for the task.

Bruce wasn't sweating, mainly because he didn't have those kinds of glands, but the close attention of the police and the alchemists had much the same effect.

"That has got to be the worse tree costume I have ever seen," the chief of police announced as he looked Bruce over.

"You made our head botanist cry," the de facto leader, or mouthpiece of the alchemists said, "She did make a few notes about what you did wrong, and how to correct it." She set a box of paper in front of Bruce. Later Bruce could use it as a steamer trunk.

"Thank you," Bruce managed and held as still as he could as one of the alchemists circled him.

"How do you get in and out?" the pony asked.

"Oh, and have you steal the secret?" Bruce said tersely, "That's really going to happen."

"Oh, yes, right," the pony said and slunk away, "Sorry."

Bruce gave a sigh of relief. Don approached with a broom over his shoulder.

"Sweep out the back," Don told him, and nodded, "You've gotten the feedback on the costume you wanted."

Bruce nodded back with his 'branches' and headed to where the elves were, the people he was supposed to be protecting.

The moment he walked through the doors, he wished he was back with the police and alchemists, at least they thought he was a pony in a bad costume. These knew what he was.

"Hello," he said, looked at the disbelieving, almost weighing-him eyes and wished the Elfqueen would just attack now and get it over with.

"Shi - "

"GAA!" Shining Armor screamed and jumped 10 feet in the air. Several nearby pegasus guards in other watchtowers tensed, then relaxed as Armor's path didn't take him out of reach of immediate rescue.

"That's it," Makoto said as she set Armor back down after she'd flown up to catch him, "You're switching to decaff."

"I was just thinking about the attack, are we ready, is there more we can do, what if they do the unexpected?" Shining said.

"I'm glad you stopped at three. No, by definition no one is ever ready to be attacked. Two, we've done all we know to do, and have reserves to help with the unexpected. Last, the enemy always does the unexpected. If they do exactly what you need them to do, they are being unexpectedly stupid. I see you've got some of your sister's obsessiveness hidden under layers of discipline. No need to be on a hair-trigger, they probably won't attack until near nightfall. They can see ponies in the dark, but you can't see them."

"How do you know that?" Shining said.

"I went down to offer Chrysalis a chance to surrender her forces, and she spotted me before I could see her," Makoto said, "Now relax, you'll help no one, especially Celestia, Cadence or your sister, if you wind yourself up so tight. Accept they're getting the first punch in, it's our counterpunch that matters."

Shining took a deep breath, and let it out. "Sorry, the guard is for little things, Celestia, Luna and the Elements are the real heavy hitters, without them . . . we all feel a little naked," Armor said.

"Aren't you normally naked?" Makoto asked, "Like I said, we're the bait, and the anvil. We have plenty of hammers waiting to use, and one of those is Celestia, Luna and the Elements."

Armor nodded.

"When she gets back, remind me to teach Cadence how to scratch behind your ears," Makoto said, "You need to relax."

Now Armor was worried about 'what happens after I survive', which he suspected was Makoto's goal.

Bruce was glad the questioning, and assisting at the shop were over. Don had set a sign stating he was 'off to watch the war', and would return the next day. That meant Bruce had only to watch out for the Elfqueen or her emissaries. Scotty and a team were performing periodic maintenance on the machinery.

Bruce had two nodes asleep to watch for a dream-based incursion. After the horror stories from the elves of what the Queen had done to opponents, he was feeling much better. If she shows up and starts something, he thought as he watched over his charges, I'll just kill her.

He would have smiled if he'd had the equipment, and felt better and more in control than he had since arriving.

"Yo, biggun wit' wings, the light bulbs," Baker said and gestured at the ceiling fixture, "Change em."

So much for . . . he thought then stared at Baker.

"Why are you talking with Scotty's accent?" he asked.

"We traded," Baker said.

I'm getting a terrific node ache, he thought as he headed for the ceiling.

Don had checked in on Posey, who was on duty in her wheelchair patrolling the hospital. As such, she'd happily acknowledged him, but that was all he could hope for.

Glad the staff and the chief of police agreed to my proposal, he thought as he galloped out of town, Puts all those hurt cops back to work, and frees up resources if something goes down.

Once out of sight, he went invisible, dropped his disguise, and activated the trinket Bruce had given him. He was glad he was alone because the discomfort and disorientation would have made him kill or eat someone as he returned to his proper form.

Celestia lay under the hot towels, sweating quite a bit this time. She was glad she was alone because the discomfort and disorientation of Helga returning to her proper form had caused some utterances that would be hard to take back. Helga had wanted her fighting fit, and had moved them to a soundproof studio before the treatment.

As the heat eased the minor twinges and itches, Celestia felt her body was looser and more relaxed and ready than it ever had been before a fight.

Part of that credit also goes to Makoto, she admitted to herself, All I have to do is show up and save the day, she has to manage the battle until that point.

Celestia lay under the relaxing heat and guiltily considered the need to break the enemies' morale by this continuous hammering, of which the Princesses and Bearers were to be the last and heaviest blow.

She considered simply preempting all the plans, going there now with all her forces bunkered down and safely tucked away out of danger and just showing the changeling how powerful she really was.

Not that they'd appreciate it for more than 10 seconds, she thought, No Makoto's plan is better, let me gain the moral victory where my mere presence tips the scales, that can be leveraged to other diplomatic ends, well played Makoto, well play - , then she realized Makoto had left one, huge trap for Celestia in her plan, She's got no exit strategy, she and her friends do all this, I show up at the last moment to clinch the victory, and then . . . what, they meekly walk to the gallows for their punishment. By Harmony, they might just do that! We attacked them without good cause once, putting a usurper to the sword is hardly out of line. Oh, very well played. No wonder Discord fled on seeing you. He made his dramatic entrance, and left the stage undiminished. Now I have to do the same. Oh, very well played.

Celestia grinned as she sought a way to turn the trap back on Makoto, rather than take the easy way and appear a tyrant.

Chrysalis watched the blade slide down the well-greased tracks and slice through the thick loaf of Minotaur bread. While her neck burned with sympathetic pain, Blueblood examined the sliced loaf, and the machine.

"Ah, Queen Chrysalis," he said and glanced over his shoulder at the machine, "I'm afraid Makoto's protection of you will soon be over." He shrugged, then looked over his shoulder at the guillotine slicing off another thick piece of minotaur bread. "Oh, don't worry, I'm sure Celestia won't subject you to that, you're practically a pony." Blueblood smiled at her, and while his smile radiated sympathy and forthrightness, his paramount emotion was loathing. "No, we have motive improvement spells, reform spells, and kinds of subtler ways to bring a recalcitrant queen to bear. That - " The slice interrupted him. "Is for successful usurpers. Diplomacy is the art of the possible, and offering your apologies and an offer of compromise will go a long way to Princess Celestia seeing you as, well not an ally, but as another rightful ruler, one whose nation's goals are not the same as ours, but we can cooperate." His expression now mirrored his inner emotions. "Return her to her cell."

Chrysalis didn't jump as the blade sliced off another chunk of bread that fell into the basket awaiting it. A basket well able to hold a head.

I always wanted people to believe me, he thought as he jumped over rocks and old mine car tracks, but above all, kept running, I should have specified that I didn't want their problems with what I said to be I didn't go far enough.

He considered the arrow sticking out of the camera he'd taken the picture of the elven warband with. The camera had saved his life, but its destruction erased the proof he had of the weird world he'd found himself in. The other arrow fired at him before he broke contact had hit the recorder.

Saved my life, but destroyed my notes, he thought as he considered the fact he was alive, but he'd lost his proof.

"The ponies have abandoned you," one of the elves shouted, then cursed as he discovered one of the tripping hazzards Carl had found on the way in.

Except I sent them ahead, Carl thought as he stopped next to a support that had deeply worried him when he'd passed under it going in. He picked up a large stone and threw it at the support from a short distance, then started running as the network of ancient wooden supports began groaning like Vincenzo missing his lunch.

The shouts of alarm from the elves made Carl smile as he ran. Until it slammed into something far too solid to move.

Patrick grabbed Carl and dragged him to his feet. "Your message got through," he told the slightly stunned reporter, "Don't pull the arrow, I think I can save the film and the tape."

Carl nodded and ran for all he was worth. Patrick hadn't been joking when he called Carl a trouble magnet, all you had to be was ready to sweep in like the cavalry, and Carl was a tremendous asset.

The elves were digging their way out of the cave in Carl had rigged, and Patrick was in a chokepoint where they couldn't outflank him. He deployed the spell that had given him his one victory over Ranma, that even Ranma admitted was a clear win.

Not that he didn't beat it the next time I faced him, Patrick said as he vanished from sight and 15 duplicates appeared and moved to various defensive positions. Against Ranma he'd started with 25, and won, but Ranma didn't require a defense against counterspelling.

Of course the next time I hit her with 37, and she easily beat me, Patrick thought as smiled at the hellion he and Makoto had partnered with, I just wish I understood why they kept calling me 'Agent Smith' after I used this spell. Something I'm going to tickle out of them once the fighting is over.

The elves charged in and came to a halt as they saw what they were facing.

A moment later he was carefully chasing them.

Who the hell is Han Solo? Patrick thought of the elves' offhand comment as he screamed a bloodcurdling Rebel Yell in pursuit of the elves.

29) Set a Man on Fire . . .

Set a Man on Fire . . .

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

"Harry Dresden, man of action," he murmured as he watched the massing army through an actual crystal ball. He wondered about Makoto's comment about growing his fingernails 'like Beryl' as he moved his fingers around the skull-shaped crystal. With the brass Tommie Helmet tipped forward and the weird horn jutting out of its head he thought it looked as tacky as a lot of other mystical implements that poseurs used.

But this one actually works, he thought, Not as well as Bob, but well enough. He sighed and made more notes on the troop dispositions, their movements and anything else that would identify them when the battle started. Why do they all look like they went a round or two against canister fire? He wondered as he watched, the picture growing more dire as he gathered intel.

He looked up at the brightly colored alicorn staring at the artifact. "Can I help you?"

"The fucking, three-pronged, one-slot widget, that goddamned horn thing in the fucking skull," the bronicorn said, one of the few mares among the ground and easily the most butch and foul-mouthed of the group, "What the fucking fuck man, how is that even fucking possible?"

"Magical horses flying around and you want to know about an optical illusion? They're both magic," Harry said.

"That's a fucking pussy out if I've fucking ever heard one," the bronicorn said.

Dresden remembered a quote from Tolkien about Orc speech. "In magical pony land 2 plus 2 equals four, why? Magic."

"If you aren't a brony, what the fuck are you fucking doing here? It's not like the elves don't already have their hooks in you deep, so what? Fucking Mab needs you to fucking whack some other elf-bitch who got in her fucking way? Plausible fucking deniability? Fuck that."

"No idea," Harry said, "It's not like I like or know any of them."

"Doesn't it fucking bug you?" the bronicorn asked.

Not as much as your 'hood' attitude and way of talking, he didn't say aloud, Probably a pasty-white, bicurious, dateless, suburbanite college student. But a pasty-white, bicurious, dateless, suburbanite college student with the power of a full wizard.

"Nope," he told her and watched her frown.

"Why don't they let us hit those bastards," she said as she walked away, "I fucking need to unload a cap in some ass."

Called it, Harry thought and went back to scanning.

Makoto looked up as Patrick and Carl entered the throne room.

"It's dealt with," Patrick told her, not elaborating on the elven warbands that had slipped into the caverns under Canterlot that Carl had been exploring after Cadence had been trapped there by Chrysalis.

I wonder if he hoped to find other victims, or if he was just curious, Makoto thought as she considered the outlay of forces and the strength of the enemy after Harry's very depressing update, Chrysalis still thinks she can win, so someone/something is backing her, even while she is in prison. So was it the infiltrating warbands, was it additional Changeling hives, what? She nodded and they headed out. Carl for more searching, and Patrick to join the 'dragon corps'.

Soldier, Scholar, Special Pops, and Tactical Sneak were working with the ponies on their defenses, which Armor admitted was a great help.

"The Fellowship tried to go through the Mines of Moria, met the Balrog, and didn't have a Gandalf," she told them, hoping they'd get the cavern battle reference.

" 'Speak 'Friend' and Enter' wouldn't be a good password here," Scholar said.

"Did he steal all their stuff?" Sneak asked smiling, then shrugged and looked around, "Hey Munchkin, what can I say?"

"Probably all booby trapped," Soldier said, "If not like an IED, then like the Ring."

Makoto nodded. "Probably set aside to decontaminate later," Makoto said and looked at Sneak, "As much to keep the Crusaders away as more interesting customers."

Sneak shrugged.

"This is going to make a great novel, once I grind off all the trademarked material," Scholar said.

"Wait until you meet the other dragons," Soldier said, "Find some pantheon, or just a collection of ancient gods fading in power and looking for a new home, and coming here."

Makoto smiled at their banter, a little miffed she'd been promoted to honorary brony instead of pegasister. Well, I've got Ranma and Patrick, maybe Celestia will lock us all in the same cell, Makoto thought and hid a grin at that prospect.

"She's not coming," Runner said as he paced, "After she smashes the Equestrians, there's no point in us being here."

"Boy has a point," Baker added, "If they're back to hunter/gatherer nomads, a cake shop really doesn't serve any purpose."

"And we'll all be so glad to crawl back under her thumb?" Scotty retorted, "Hah, I'd sooner stay here and help them rebuild. I've labored for the ungrateful for centuries. I don't care about adding a century to help friends, yes there I said it: their magic is friendship, and we can be that."

"How many of you are actually required to fulfill the contract?" Bruce asked.

They looked around, old habits of concealing themselves flaring up as they remembered 'the tree in the corner' was a person.

"Technically one," Baker said.

"But neither Baker nor I would trust the other alone," Scotty said and glanced apologetically to Baker, "Were elves, being tricksy is our nature."

"Okay, so we three, the rest go help Celestia," Bruce said, "The question is, what can we do, or rather what can we do without revealing ourselves to all the ponies, Celestia and Luna can know, in fact it might be better they do."

"The Dragon didn't seem to think so," Runner said.

"That was while you were illegal aliens, if you are loyal citizen-soldiers, that's quite another thing entirely," Bruce explained, he enjoyed the tricksy looks among the elves and even Runner seemed buoyed up by the optimism.

Celestia was napping, they would be fighting through the night and might have to intervene at any moment, so all of them were taking the opportunity to rest as much as they could.

So she knew she was dreaming when the black shadow eclipsed the sun and a dragon larger, more brutal and evil than any Equestria ever birthed flew over her and settled behind her. Fear beyond anything she knew gripped her soul. Luna might have manipulated the dreamstuff to fight, but Celestia had little skill in that. She shied as the surprisingly soft and warm wings settled like a high-peaked cloak on her shoulders.

The voice was soft, even loving as he sang, "Remember what I taught you, dear Celestia, you are afeared."

"I am afeared," she replied.

"And you are ugly," he said.

Celestia smirked and sang, "And I am ugly."

Where is this going? she wondered.

"And these are crimes for which the world shows little pity, you do not comprehend," he sang.

Celestia was carried along with the song, but she felt that things were not as they had been. She found herself as an Earth Pony and she was in Canterlot helping with the defense, using her physical might and intelligence to go here and there helping ponies and unkinking the problems 'where the horseshoes met the ground'. An extra set of hooves and eyes and a brain. Then she was a pegasus in Las Pegasus helping with the weather patrol dealing with a hard storm. She heard the song in her mind with Celestia singing, but her earth pony and pegasus forms had not been singing. Then she was a unicorn in Ponyville, among the dozens who had assembled to watch Ranma and Spike/Spikezilla practicing. She bucked up a few of the more timid ponies that the huge dragon was still Spike, and he was doing this to protect them and his other friends.

Again, she heard herself singing while the unicorn simply talked to the others and watched Spike practice, pushing himself as hard as Twilight often did. With Ranma watching over him, keeping him on track and in check.

Then she was back in her dream as Princess Celestia the Alicorn, singing, "I'll have spent, one day, out there."

She looked around nervously as if any one would be there tut-tutting her for her unseemly outburst.

She woke to find almost two hours had passed. Was that dream within a dream only a dream, Celestia wondered, Or was I actually out among my ponies? She put the dream and the song aside as she went out to join the others. I'll have to ask Luna, she thought, Once the war is over. Thank you, who ever you are, I do appreciate a few hours not as 'Princess' but as somepony allowed to help.

Nurse Redheart wanted to ask the very battered, purple-pink unicorn who'd practically landed on the Hospital's doorstep, how? The injuries were typical of a long fall, and the sudden stop at the end of it, but the passage through the tree near the hospital had seriously lengthened the hospital stay and recovery time for the unicorn.

Without that tree-through, Redheart thought, Treatment would have been instantaneous. Just shovel it into a bag and drop it in a hole. Why are the powerful unicorns all crazy and reckless? Too bad she's a blank flank, otherwise I might have something I could send out to get more information. Weird that, someone that old without a cutie mark.

The mare, at least everypony hoped it had always been a mare, was resting none too comfortably with all limbs in traction. There'd been little internal organ damage, but the skull and her horn were points of concern.

The horn damage was going to take some rehabilitation and however powerful the mare had been, without most of her horn, she wasn't that powerful any more.

Redheart checked a few things then left the mare's room. Normally she hated the craziness that any town with Twilight Sparkle or Pinkie Pie in it had, but the flip side of that coin was that any craziness could be hooved off to them or their friends, and the pony who did it had honestly done the best they could.

They aren't here, Spike is otherwise occupied, Redheart thought, And prepared a sketch and relevant information to give to the guard to circulate against any missing ponies who cropped up in the next few weeks.

30) They're Here . . .

They're Here

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Harry had been moved up to a room adjoining the royal court, now reconfigured to a war room. He was using the bastardized device that Patrick had cobbled together to scan the area. Now, not only for changelings, but elves too, he thought as he scanned the areas they had spotted the changelings in before, Or rather their lack. He was finding null zones popping up, blanking him out of seeing anything, even obscuring the natural terrain features. He marked those, transferred that information to Patrick, and scanned on.

He was dimly aware that his nulls were being plotted, and discussed as real targets, or perhaps decoys to saturate the scans. Make sense, he thought and smiled at the respite that came with working with other professionals, Not everything depends on me, I could get to like that. He periodically rescanned the nulls even as he looked in other places.

He took a moment to look around at his surroundings, no one could stare into the crystal skull forever, he had to move and change his focus or the demands of his body would distract him. Patrick slid into the duty immediately, taking up the scans while Harry worked the kinks out.

Carl was off exploring. Ranma was talking with some of the soldier bronicorns, although someone might have taken their discussion as a half-speed brawl. The ponies and Makoto were looking over the maps of the region, while the map of the city itself, actually a model, lay on a massive table.

"I wonder if this is accurate enough for sympathetic magic to work on," he said to the scholars who were monitoring it.

"It would be if we incorporated items from the city proper, rather than making it of new material," the chief wizard said and smiled, "You should build one of your hometown, it'll let you monitor the whole place, like little Canterlot lets us, and you wouldn't need five mages to power it."

Harry nodded. That's a good idea, Harry thought, Even Bob would like that. Better than model trains. Something to do in my copious free time.

He sampled from the buffet table. Despite the ponies' constant talk about their excellent food, a plain potato or a mayo on white sandwich from home would be a taste treat beyond imagining compared to pony food.

He returned to the table and took over the scrying duties. Nothing had changed, as Harry scanned the critical points.

"What's that?" Patrick asked as Harry concentrated on a change in one of the null zones.

Harry wasn't sure, but he was detecting more of the nulls changing. "Report!" he ordered.

Patrick began reporting the locations that Harry was locating as they moved.

Makoto watched the controlled chaos erupt as Harry's message delivered the warning. Makoto had set the sun below the horizon and raised the moon just minutes ago. Armor had raised the shield, and the guard, the militia and all the academy wizards were hurrying to their posts.

At the plotting table, the scribes were trying to triangulate the vectors Patrick was reporting to where the defenses of Canterlot needed to be shored up.

They were not having any luck, the position kept moving, and changing.

Ranma jumped up on the map table scattering the T-squares and rulers the map-ponies were wielding. He set a french curve down and drew a line perfectly through the developing vectors. But the line didn't lead to Canterlot.

"Ponyville," Armor breathed as the implications of the troop movement descended on him.

"Of course, the sisters of three Bearers are there," Soldier said, "And the Cakes' kids. Hostages."

Makoto looked up and Patrick was charging over. "I'll get there and wake Spike, they'll get a good reception, but this is only part of the force, a diversion."

"Go, we protect the realm, not just one city," Makoto ordered and turned to Armor, "Drop the shield before he hits in." She turned back, but Patrick was already gone. "Godspeed."

'Every night in my dreams,' Sailor Jupiter sang to herself using the music to cast a spell nopony or -ling would notice, 'I see you, I feel you, that is how I know you go on.'

"Soldier, pick your five best, sally out to meet them," she ordered, unnecessarily, they'd helped with the plan, "Let's see if they are eager for the fight."

The bronicorn collected a somewhat motley collection, while Scholar gathered the ten who would sally as a rescue force if Soldier's troop ran into trouble.

"Signal all commands," Armor told his troops.

Makoto dispatched the note to Bruce and another to Celestia. I actually hope they break it off, or better yet, call a parley, but that's not how things work around here, Makoto considered.

Spike woke from the most amazing dream of eating all the ruby ice cream he could imagine, he looked up at the night sky and was confused for a moment. The face that he focused on answered all his questions.

"They're after the Cakes and the Crusaders," Patrick told him.

If Spike needed any more to initiate his transformation, he couldn't have imagined what it was. A moment later he was airborne, the size of a hill and more angry than he could imagine.

He glanced over his shoulders and two other dragons took up flanking positions. One so black he was a hole in the night sky, and the other the color of wet ashes. Both nodded to him and let him take the lead as hundreds of changelings spilled out of a hole in the sky.

While the urge to kill them to protect the Crusaders, his friends, and the Cakes' babies, he stifled it and concentrated on Ranma's lessons. His hands flashed out grabbing and slightly crushing the changelings as he yanked them from the sky, crushed their wings and left them wounded but alive to fall to the ground in growing heaps.

The other two dragons kept the changeling from being able to flank him as he drove straight into the thickest of their formation. As quickly as he'd begun, he was done. The few changelings left in the sky were fleeing with the Weather Patrol pegasi and a few guards racing after them. The urge to land and stomp on the icky bugs was nearly overwhelming.

The disappointed faces of Rarity, Twilight and Celestia loomed up in his mind, drawn there by the training he'd undergone. He plummeted through the air, only to land on the back of the gray dragon.

"Well done," the dragon rumbled, "But a swipe at Ponyville was to draw us from Canterlot."

"As long as we can get back here in a hurry," Spike told the dragon.

"We can indeed," the dragon accelerated and they were in the skies of Canterlot, an image of them trailing along behind.

"Dragons!" Blueblood announced as the three of them formed up. Purple, black and gray.

The swarm over Ponyville was gone, and now the forces which advanced on Canterlot were facing the same force. 'Far across the distance, and spaces between us,' Makoto sang to herself, 'You have come to show you go on.'

Soldier's force separated to let the dragons through, then closed in to give distant escort. The swarm tried to evade and disperse to prevent their falling to the same force that had taken the Ponyville force. It availed them nothing, Spike-dragon simply winnowed through a row, then turned to cut another channel.

"Keep your eyes open," Armor ordered, "This could be a feint to divert our attention."

The watch-ponies grumbled but returned to scanning their own sectors.

Makoto thought of Patrick out there fighting, and Ranma who was searching out Carl, to use his ability to stumble into bad situations to find where the fighting would be the heaviest. More than anything, I want to be out there with them, she thought, But here is where I'm needed.

Why did you assume they would go after the children, Nightmare said, Even I wouldn't do that, despite the stories.

Because I can make myself worse than you for brief moments, Makoto thought, then sang to herself, 'Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on.'

Celestia had read the report, and had to practically tackle the Bearers to prevent them from charging off to defend their homes and families.

"We must trust our friends to do that for us," she told the Bearers, and signaled Luna and Cadence to step back from the nervous mares, "This is what battle means, we can't do everything. We must do our part, and trust that others can do theirs."

"But Spike -"

"The Cakes -"

"Mah folks -"

"Sweetie Belle -"

"Are safe, thanks to our friends," Celestia said, "We have to be ready to rescue them, after they have rescued our dear ones."

None of the mares were happy about that, but they accepted.

I wish they were accepting on the strength of my arguments, Celestia thought, Instead of 'because Celestia said it'.

The song she'd been half-hearing intruded on her thoughts for a moment. 'Once more you open the door, and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.'

She acknowledged the sentiment, but thought not being able to charge to the rescue galled worse than the blows that would be received.

"So this is how you feel all the time?" Cadence asked, her concern for Armor obvious on her face.

"Yes, but I must not, or how will ponies grow?" Celestia asked.

Cadence nodded. Not happy with the implications, but understanding them.

Spike flew through the last of the large formations of changelings. Below, the guards and bronicorns were policing up the fallen. 'Love can touch us one time,' Spike heard in his head, he felt the rage not lessen, but not try to break its bonds, acting as plow horse rather than a wild mare, 'And last for a lifetime, and never let go till we're gone.' That thought stabbed at Spike, and his anger, but for different reasons.

They are ponies, unless they become alicorns, I'll out live them all, he thought, Even Twilight.

While his anger screamed 'They will never take them from me!' it too felt the hopelessness and melancholy that no matter what he did, it might not be enough to keep them.

He signaled to the other two that he was headed back to the castle. He was still a youngster and the fighting while it had been fun, had also been exhausting.

He swooped close to one of the gates, let go of his rage and greed, and dropped to the ground as himself. One of the mares from the nursery was waiting, she waited as he sniffed her, changelings couldn't fool his nose. When he was satisfied, she picked him up in a basket, tucking him in before she flew to the castle proper. Spike was asleep before they arrived.

31) Scrape'em Off, Jim

Scrape'em Off, Jim

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

If you had pressed Ranma to say one good thing about his master Happosai, he would without hesitation say 'he does his best to help kids'. For all the old turd's reprehensible habits, tactics, and attitudes, he did his pathetic best to help children in real need when he encountered them.

So the elves Carl had accidently led Ranma to had his blood boiling. Many of the soldiers, politicians and diplomats had their kids together where the changelings couldn't easily get at them. That did mean the elves had one target, and that while invulnerable to changelings, were ill-prepared against elves.

He'd sent Carl off to raise the alarm, while Ranma did what he was best at: attack.

He was running along the ornamental features on the outside of the palace, jumping from balcony to gargoyle to drain channel, as he flanked and got ahead of the elven band.

He was glad the window was ordinary glass when he went through it, there were some pretty, stained-glass windows and he would have hated ruining one. It also had the advantage of shocking the elves enough that he got the first few shots in. The lightning sword that Makoto gave him in dreams worked here just as effectively. Blades and armor parted under its force.

It is getting weaker though, he realized, So it has a charge, or needs to be closer to Makoto. Not a problem this will be over soon.

"They're after the kids!" he shouted to the guards, hoping some of what he was saying got through.

Then the blade changed from bluish, to green-white. Now Ranma smiled at the remaining elves who were tossing spells at him he was parrying with the blade.

Now they're scared, Ranma thought as he went from running ahead of them, to running behind. Although if Ranma had been able to see it, he would have known the real reason the elves had turned and fled. When the blade had recharged Ranma had it in his right hand. But the elves looking at him realized the left side of his face was brilliantly illuminated by it, the right side facing the blade was in total darkness.

Nightmare was making noises like a car trying to start on a cold day.

What's so funny? Sailor Jupiter asked.

Oh, just that when we recharged the lightning sword, I also SNERK gave Ranma protection from CREZITS, ow that hurt, so he'd keep his night vision. Excuse me. BWAHAHA SNORT!

I don't think you answered my question, but on second thought, that's okay, Sailor Jupiter thought, and left Nightmare to her rather painful laughter, 'Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to. In my life we'll always go on'.

Soldier led a trio of Wonderbolts through the flanking attack on the changeling formation. The spell Lightbulb used, Soldier thought as he beat up a glowing Scholar, which dropped out of the sky as a battered Changeling, Every real changeling glows, makes shapeshift brawls useless. Lose sight of your buddy, he shows up glowing, you beat the shit out of him.

The Wonderbolts were doing the same.

Do not appear as Spitfire to Fleetfoot, Soldier noted as the mare did a number on three changelings with her leader's appearance, Don't know if it's love or hate, but the anger is real.

"Don't kill'em, Celestia wouldn't approve," he shouted at his wingmare.

Fleetfoot looked a little guilty, but then shrugged.

"Help!" Butch shouted, on getting swarmed by Leviathans

Soldier uttered a curse about newly-minted, West Point, know-it-alls and their first firefight. "Time to save the moron." He turned towards the scrum. " 'Bust a cap in somelings ass' MY ass."

The elves had been winnowed down, and Ranma pursued the last few up a spiral staircase. Oh noes, the turns cramp me sword arm! he thought as he changed the lightning blade to the other hand, just in time to stab an elf through the heart.

The figure looked offended as he fell to the ground.

Or is it a she, can't really tell half the time, Ranma thought, Most of them are too pretty and too flat-chested to tell. And none seem to have Adam's Apples.

He'd only made the mistake of chopping one in the throat once. Ranma never repeated a move that didn't work, except as a strategy.

The last one managed to get to the top of the tower and slam the door. Unfortunately, the door could be locked independently from either side, so Ranma would have to burst through it, into whatever trap the elf had set, or figure something out.

Saotome secret technique on the attack, Ranma thought, Never expected to need that.

Then he caught the face in the tower arrow loop, and smiled back at it.

Oh this is too good, he thought as he used the blade to cut the hinges and the bolt, and let the door fall outwards. The elf's spear was instantly where Ranma's face would have been had he charged after the door. Instead the elf was silhouetted against the glow of Shining's shield. "You think you have the high ground," Ranma shouted at him/her/it, "But you underestimate my power!"

"Then try it," said the obvious non-movie buff.

Ranma feinted a leap, and winced as the cast iron frying pan caught the elf in the back of the head. "Good job, Spider," he said and offered a hand to the petitest and cutest of the bronicorns. The poor mare couldn't fly, but she could walk or gallop across any surface, be it a ceiling, a pond or a wire.

She handed/hooved the badly dented pan to Ranma and climbed over the parapet from the outside of the tower. "I figured you'd want me out of the way, but close, until you needed me?"

"Can you teach Akane how to do that?" Ranma asked.

"The girl who couldn't swim because she kept breathing underwater?" the bronicorn mare asked, "Ask for World Peace, it'd be easier."

Ranma sighed, Harry had said much the same thing.

Ranma cocked his head, and noted that Spider was doing the same. They heard, 'Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on.'

"I wish I knew what Makoto-chan was doing with that song," Ranma said.

" 'Chan'?" Spider asked with eyebrows raised, "What would Akane say?"

" 'Baka Ranma!'" they said together, breaking the tension of the moment, they were laughing as they descended the stairs.

Harry must hate being the bearer of bad news, Makoto though as she looked at the diagrams on the map, Dawn is coming, so is the storm.

"Evidently they weren't going after Bruce, they are coming here," Harry told them as he outlined the various null points that indicated the presence of a large elven army.

"While we have the numbers, we don't have the viciousness," Makoto said, and glanced at the various soldierly bronicorns. She'd sent them out in groups of 5 and 10, with twice that number resting in reserve, rotating through the force to keep them fresher.

But everypony is worn, Makoto thought, 'Once more you open the door and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.' In for a sen, in for a dollar.

"Captain Armor, you and Prince Blueblood coordinate the defense with Mister Dresden, I am surrendering the city to you." She looked at her ally. "Sorry Harry, you and Carl can't fly, so you stay behind. Soldier rouse everyone. Have someone bring Spike. We'll hit them so hard they wind up on Hello Kitty."

"What about you?" Blueblood asked.

"What does a traitor to the crown get in Equestria?" Makoto asked, "Better by an enemy in battle, than by a friend meting out justice."

The ponies looked nervously at each other.

"A fair trial and a chance to defend yourself," Armor said, nods from the others accented his feelings.

"Trial by combat then," Soldier said as the entire force of bronicorns was policed up, and Spike arrived in his basket, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "It was a pleasure meeting all of you."

"Celestia would be proud of all of you," Makoto said, swept the small force with her eyes, then transformed into a Nightmare Moonish senshi-alicorn. "Ranma can ride with me, Spider stays with Spike." She smiled. "The Death Ride awaits."

" 'She keeps Moet et Chandon in her pretty cabinet. 'Let them eat cake' she says, just like Marie Antoinette,'" Scholar sang as they headed out.

The formation was a flattened X with Alicorn Sailor Jupiter at the center. The three dragons in a V-formation above and behind them. Ranma was riding Makoto's back, and looking all the directions Makoto couldn't as she kept the formation and watched the null point that Harry had sighted, this one definitely containing an elven army.

"This really isn't to the death is it?" Ranma asked.

The elves going after the kids, I'm only a little guilty about ending them, Ranma thought, But these may just be soldiers who may try to surrender. I'm not okay with just killing them.

"No," Makoto said, "That the odds were so against us, and we went out to die, it'll make it easier for Celestia to pardon us, and we're not there to resist her takeover."

Ah! Ranma thought as he glanced at the null point that Harry had detected, said it was an elven army, at least, inside and that they'd have to fight. As long as I can just beat them into submission, Ranma thought, I'm okay with that.

Right on cue, the distortion of the null point vanished and revealed the elven army. Ranma almost laughed. The flying horses and chariots were clearly not stable or tractable, so most of the elven army looked vaguely airsick. Then he focused on what he'd assumed was a cloud. Others had focused on the cloud first.

"Aw fuck me!"

" 'Game over man, game over!'"

" 'Get to the choppa!'"

"We need a bigger boat."

" 'I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit!'"

" 'We happy few, we band of brothers,'" he heard from Patrick-dragon.

"That's a big dragon," Makoto said, and glanced back at Ranma, "Remember when I said it was all show, it isn't now."

"Yeah," Ranma said, he'd been impressed with Spike, this one was as big, and as mean-looking as the black one on their side. "Never killed a dragon before," he said and loosened up to prepare for the fight, "Drop me on him and I'll ground him."

"Agreed," Makoto said.

32) The Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities

The Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Makoto paled and was not alone being barely able to remain in the air. She heard Ranma's whispered, "Death Ghidorah" and considered the monster now floating above them would eat that particular kaiju for lunch.

"I see what you are," the huge monster rumbled, "Their mightiest." One head surveyed the Alicorn force, another the elves, while the central head locked eyes with the great dragon of the elves. "That's all they are, that's all they can do, and you side with them?"

The dragon shook off the gaze and rumbled back. "I came to slay and kill, what are you, their servant, their toy? You are a trio of pathetic weak souls clinging together in terror. And you side with them?" It tossed its head towards Canterlot.

The Ghidorah laughed. "I haven't 'sided' with them. I am still on my side, as are you and don't I know it." A lone arrow pinged off his arrow. The Ghidorah never deigned to notice the shooter.

"Then why oppose me?" the dragon asked, "You have your woman, you will have your way home, and the route to her home. This place is no more of use to you than a barnacle is to a ship." The Elfqueen gestured and the dragon countered her spell and glared at her. She paled and her mount slipped back within the herd of flying horses. The dragon stared at the Ghidorah. "A place filled with childrens' fantasy and childrens' nightmares." He smiled at his cleverness. "As you have proven, the forces of evil are no match for you. The forces you've tried to protect, have - ."

"That would leave you open to reclaim your master's elves?" the Ghidorah asked, "Is laying waste to entire realms worth that? Then why isn't it worth me fighting for them?"

"You are no thief-taker," the dragon said, ruffled at being interrupted, "Those elves cheated me. I cannot let that stand." He shrugged. "Politics."

"Ego, not politics," the Ghidorah replied, "You see, what they fear is the creative impulse. They and their kind are sterile. Rearranging the pieces to a new aesthetic certainly, but true innovation happens by accident or not at all.

Why is the dragon so angry about that statement? Makoto wondered, a drop of rain watching two oceans converse.

The Ghidorah continued, "Suddenly a whole new field opens up with what they discovered once they got out from under your master's thumb. They need that, but like any other collective, it must be channeled, harmonized, and made politically correct. Made safe for the ruling class and the status quo. Made yours, so the glory comes to their queen and not them."

He shrugged. "I am their queen's master, and that matters nothing to me."

"Shame that's all you'll ever be. Sad little queen on a sad little hill. Alone, forgotten, ignored. My people beat them and you long ago. Kolchak's too, and without magic. Dresden's haven't learned elves and vampires are the same sack, just a different weave, but pull it up from your face and then you can see." His smiles faded and he glowered at the dragon with all three heads. "Then you burn it to ensure they never pull it over your eyes again."

"Quite a boast from a little thing like you. I am not awed by a mere reputation. The great 'legion' you are reported to have destroyed is nothing," the dragon sneered, "I've destroyed dozens. This isn't the dreamlands. So that is moot. And the unfledged youngster has yet to make a name for himself."

"You have no idea what I am," he replied, "If you've sided with them, you're so used to begging the scraps from your betters' tables that you have no idea what lies beyond the safe space you beg in. It's cold and dark out there, horrors and wonders beyond your rather political and limited imagination. Some things are both to such a degree that far stronger than you have been enthralled, and destroyed by the revelations gained. You may be a good schemer, but one who creates out of whole cloth or even understands true creation? Never."

Again the dragon bristled at that.

But the Ghidorah didn't care as he smiled and gestured at Canterlot. "Why I side with them? It's simple they amuse me. In the vast, dark, uncaring emptiness they and those like them are like a small candle in the darkness. A tiny, fleeting 'yes' in a vast sea of 'it doesn't matter'. You'd spit on that flame just to watch it dance and sputter to show your 'power' over it, and if it goes out, you'll jump to the next, until they're all too far to risk the jump, and you all die. I've seen it before with their kind. Drilling holes in the bottom of the lifeboat to watch and laugh at others scrambling around trying to bail. And screaming piteously 'why is this happening to ME' when the water overtops and you start freezing to death."

"You've overplayed your hand and no one is going to throw you a line unless they've tied an anchor to the other end," the Ghidorah told the dragon and the elves.

"You think I have anything to fear from you?" the Elfqueen asked, "I can out wait you, I am immortal. You are not. If I don't beat you, I'll defeat your grandchildren, or theirs, it's just a matter of time." The dragon rumbled, but she was too incensed to see sense.

"You forget, they are immortal too," the Ghidorah told her, "The lessons I give them will be remembered. You may appear in a generation, or six, but they'll be there staring back at you."

"We've trapped them easily," the Elfqueen said.

"Trapped?" the Ghidorah asked, "We are discussing the root of the conflict. You are foaming at the mouth to die. You are the only one trapped." The Ghidorah nodded to the dragon. "We are seeking a way out, at least for one."

"I exterminated your rogues and sorcerers," the Ghidorah said to the Elfqueen, "I broke their bodies, then ground their souls to powder. When they reincarnate, it will be as a nest of termites wondering what they aspire to, instead of a proud elf who seeks vengeance on the children of those who defeated them."

"Impossible! Lies!" she shrieked and urged her steed closer, before it retreated to the midst of the herd and no beating would make it advance.

"Has no one ever wondered why the Shining Legions' shades cannot be raised to ask what I did, and how? Has not one of you wondered why no elf who has crossed my path can be found to describe my methods?" the Ghidorah laughed, "You have no gods to protect you, you have no transcendent souls, just parasitic spirits. It's why you hate the creative spark, because to have it, you have to suck it out of someone else. The reason you fear the bakers is they touched that transcendence and want to offer a love gift to the whole world for what it granted them. I'll concede that when an elf puts its mind to something few can match it, but without inspiration or intuition, they can only focus on the known. These few have touched more and humble as their desires are, they're putting their full mastery behind it."

"You know nothing of elves," the dragon said, "And you have touched on their theft."

"Then that can be restored, easily," the Ghidorah said.

The dragon nearly dropped from the sky with that off-hand comment.

The Ghidorah stared sympathetically at the dragon. "When I called you elves parasites, I was speaking literally. You usurp the mind, body and spirit of those you infect, until eventually, only the elf remains, and once that happens the creative spark gutters out. That's why you're here," he ignored the bronicorns' outrage as they realized what he was implying, but he'd wasn't just going to imply, "Thousand of hard working creative forces. Their very universe focuses that creativity exactly as an elf would. You're here to begin coopting them. For elven spirits to parasitize their young, replacing their best and brightest with your twisted mockeries. You aren't cuckoos laying your young among others' nests, you're a zombie plague infecting them and changing them into you. Because once they become fully elven, they stop learning, innovating and simply master what they've learned to that point."

The Ghidorah looked at the dragon who had shaken off his shock and was looking at the Elfqueen with fury. "Is it any wonder I burn you out: root and branch, when I find you? Is it any wonder that even races who hate each other will at least have a truce while elves are being exterminated? Is it any wonder I shred your bodies and spirits when I cleanse you from existence? You are a plague, not a people, and burning it out is the only way to keep it from spreading."

"You don't have the strength for that," the Elfqueen said glancing nervously between the calm Ghidorah and the furious dragon.

"While you are here, where are the diarchs, where is the Elder Thing, where is Harry Dresden? And where are the Bearers? You face the bronicorns and the 'evil exiles'. Shitlords they may be, but they are Equestrian partisans." The Ghidorah smiled at the horror spreading across the Elfqueen's face. "They don't even have to harm any elf, just destroy enough, and make it known you brought them there." The Ghidorah laughed.

"Enough!" the dragon announced, "It is decided."

Makoto dreaded the outcome of being point-blank during a kaiju battle.

"We will discuss the return of what was taken," the dragon said, "You claim this Equestria can return it - "

"Restore it, not the same thing. The baker elves did not intend to keep it," the Ghidorah said, "They took it, copied it and put it back. She took it before it could set, destroyed it in analysis and blamed them. There will be a reckoning, but restoring your loss is first priority."

"Very well," the dragon nodded and said, "We will exit the battlefield, and leave it to them. We will not interfere."

The Ghidorah agreed.

"WHAT?" whether the Elfqueen or Ranma's scream was louder or shriller was hard to determine. Ranma could continue, "But the fighting and the maneuvering, and the . . . "

"There is still a fight to be had, and if you survive, perhaps you can convince me to test your mettle," the dragon said and he headed away from the formation with the Ghidorah.

Makoto looked at the Elfqueen's force, and realized it wasn't over.

Spike returned to being Spike, and was glad Patrick-dragon caught him as he joined Spider riding Patrick-dragon. His relief at surviving the experience intact was tempered by not knowing how the other two might react. "Ah, that worked out well. I kind of expected you two would eat me, mentally or physically."

"We are not angry with you little one," Don-dragon assured him, "It was an excellent strategy, my only distaste for the situation is that I never considered it myself first. As for your self surviving, neither Patrick, nor I, allowed a full melding. We were your counselors and wingmen." Don looked at the dragon. "The rest, wisdom and bravado, was this 'unfledged youngster has yet to make a name for himself.' I think the name has been made and will grow with time."

"Ah," Spike said.

"Now Spike, for your punishment: you take the lead in negotiations," Patrick-dragon said.

Spike gulped. "How did you figure out they'd stolen some of the dragon's creative spark?" Spike asked.

"Innovative elf is an oxymoron," Don-dragon said, "The spark had to come from somewhere. But they are good-hearted and wise enough to know you never steal from a dragon and borrowing has to be paid back with interest."

"High interest," the dragon said.

"Uhm, if it's okay, what should we call you?" Spike said, "It doesn't seem right to call you 'the dragon'."

"I am -" then followed a sound and musk collection that Spike found both definitive, alarming and somewhat confusing. "I'll have to come up with a pony name for that." Then he noted the chuckles from the other two.

"What's so funny?" Spike asked, irritated not that they were laughing at him, but they were laughing at her, "Oh. That's what they stole? Oh . . . "

Spike understood why the she-dragon was so angry, and at the same time she wanted to talk rather than fight about it. Especially alongside the ones who'd really stolen it, Spike thought, Okay, so if you could do anything, what would it be. Well, first, healing; second, creative spark. He face-palmed and laughed so hard that Spider had to keep him from sliding off Patrick's back.

33) ﻿When Shitlords Attack

When Shitlords Attack

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Makoto looked at her force, and the elven army, and realized that the odds were too close to even for her tastes. 'If you're in a fair fight, you're sparring, or you screwed up', she remembered both Ranma and Patrick saying.

The 'ping' in her mind interrupted her gloomy thoughts, as the world itself reminded her it was time to raise the sun and lower the moon. She reached out her power to grip them, only to feel them lifted from her hands.

She felt in her mind Celestia answering her song, 'You're here, there's nothing I fear, and I know that my heart will go on.'

Makoto grinned, and shouted out, "We give you this chance to surrender and withdraw. After this, your fate is in our hands and not yours."

She saw the twisted rage on the Elfqueen's face, her plots were unraveling, and the army had seen her fail. Makoto knew that the annihilation of those who'd seen the failure was the only way it would escape notice. "Kill them all!" the Elfqueen ordered, but her troops were slow to begin carrying out the order.

The light of the rising sun lowered to illuminate both forces hovering there and trying to stare down their opponent.

"That's more than the Princesses and the Bearers," Scholar said of the shadows within the sunlight.

"Attack," Makoto said as the elves saw not only Celestia, but a huge flying army as well.

"What's Bruce doing here?" Ranma asked.

"He brought the elves," Makoto said as the line raced into the fray.

Celestia had heard the orders, and watched the elves piecemeal advance against the moving line that the bronicorns maintained. She knew a line beat a mob any day. But for a moment, she let the elves absorb the blow from Makoto and the others. She felt Luna, Comb, and their forces straining the bonds to charge in, but Celestia knew that a second blow once heavily engaged would be more effective than a single, larger blow at the beginning.

Then she saw something that would have horrified her about anyone else. Ranma leapt from Makoto's back, and landed feet-first on the back of one of the elves odd pegasi. The elf who'd been there a moment before was plummeting to the ground.

"Note that Ranma moves with purpose, because he knows his friends will rescue him if he falls. The elves are not so certain of their fellows."

"They are certain," Baker called back, "That no one will save them. A lesson we have unlearned in Equestria."

Scotty, Bruce and the others let the elves fall most of the way to the ground, then caught them with their magic. The traumatized elves were easier to police up. Nopony would get very close to them.

Ranma leapt from back to back, sending elves falling like meteors to the ground. Celestia watched and noted that after he ripped off the bridles, the elves' pegasi would try to buck him off.

"He just uses the buck to fly to the next elf," Luna said in fascination, "They are insane."

"Good they are our friends then," Celestia said, "I think it is time to rescue them. Forward!" Celestia, Luna, Comb and Cadence were in the van, with the assembled guards and Bearers straining to keep up.

'We'll stay forever this way,' Celestia continued the singing of Makoto's song.

The elves seemed to focus on the shadows moving out of the sun, and they went from dread to panic. The Equestrian force slammed into the elves as they redeployed to deal with the superball that was Ranma Saotome.

For a few moments there was chaos. The elves' superior numbers against the bronicorns were neutralized by the Equestrian's superior numbers and experience in aerial hoof-to-hoof combat. Celestia's decorative horseshoes shattered shields both magic and mundane, and often the arms that bore them. Luna shouldered the elves' mounts, while her horn slashed the bridles off, leaving the elf astride a mad thing that wanted to be freed of the elf.

Some of Comb's changelings formed flying stepping stones to get Ranma back into the midst of the heaviest fighting, and closer to Makoto and her bronicorns.

Applejack and Rainbow watched for where Makoto was, then unleashed the Elements into the swarm of changelings who'd regrouped to ambush the Equestrian force. Most went sailing over the horizon.

A bellowed, "Behind!" came from Spikezilla as he was torn between breaking his word, and not being able to save Celestia from the Elfqueen, her invisibility spell fading, coming in from her blind spot, and staying put to keep the truce with the dragon.

"BOOM!"

The trio of pies blew the Elfqueen from the flying carpet she'd been riding on. It seemed no one was interested in rescuing her, but at least two of Comb's group broke off to verify the hard landing.

Celestia looked at the air chariot and the Bearer's pets reloading the party cannon. Angel gave her a grin and a thumbs-up, before returning to the loading. "They must have used steel pie plates," Celestia said to Luna as her sister drew close.

"What was said about enemies and menaces being Equestrian Partisans?" Luna asked.

"I am grateful they are," Celestia said, and watched the elves vanishing back to wherever they'd come from, unwilling to continue to follow their fallen queen. "They'll need our help to secure her."

Luna nodded as the few elves who couldn't escape were policed up by Makoto's force in close concert with Comb's changelings. The guard units followed Celestia and Luna to the mass of prisoners.

The Elfqueen was a mess, the bakery elves had either missed her fall, or allowed it to happen. "This world will be mine."

"Maybe, I shan't allow you to reincarnate into the people here," she said and watched the Bearers approach. The rainbow converted the Elfqueen into a statue. "You may have the plot of land in Tartarus where you'll be imprisoned until the galactic core consumes this planet."

Celestia signaled the guards to remove the statue to Tartarus.

"There are yet more traitors to deal with," Luna reminded her as Makoto was eased to the ground a distance away, also under guard, but Makoto's injuries were due to her fighting in the thick of things, not a failed ambush.

'You are safe in my heart, and my heart will go on and on', Celestia completed te song-spell, and headed to where the medics were moving Makoto.

The throne room was full of celebrating ponies. Which, according to Shining Armor's reports, half of them were staunch partisans of whichever fundament rested on the seat Celestia occupied, regardless of whose it was.

Dark thoughts for another time, Celestia told herself. She suppressed a wince as the real drama of the day unfolded. She had been confident of her plan. Now she was afraid Makoto would simply collapse on the floor and expire there.

Makoto was obviously the worse for wear, being supported by both Ranma and Patrick. She should have been in a wheelchair, Celestia thought and shot Luna a worried look, But the trio stand together, ready to accept their fate together.

As much as Luna wanted revenge, a child could have dispatched the entire trio, had Celestia ordered it, and offered clemency to the last survivor. Celestia was glad she saw pity twinge Luna's face, and her desire to rush to the girl's aid seemed almost to overwhelm her.

Interesting, Celestia considered from her throne, She comes as Makoto, an ordinary girl, rather than Sailor Jupiter who is considerably more powerful. Celestia briefly considered the effect of calling for their execution without the offer of 'the last one stands'. The bronicorns would barely be enough to contain the trio, she thought, then ruefully added, But the Canterhorn would be leveled in the exchange of fire.

She forcefully put that particular prank away, and concentrated on her original route of attacking this thorny problem. "The plan worked out well," Celestia said loudly enough for the entire court to hear.

"Yes, your Highness," Makoto said, standing tall with some help, but facing her fate unflinchingly.

"Although, did you have to throw yourself into the depth of the battle?" Celestia asked, "The guards and the bronicorns must have felt slighted."

"It was best I be where the fighting was the hottest, your Highness, where my powers and resolve would serve best. With you and Princess Luna there, I was no longer responsible to be the general, just another fighter," Makoto said, "Although I didn't expect the dragon, or that it would take Patrick out of the occasion."

Celestia ignored Luna's feather ruffling at being accused of not being where the fight was the hottest. Neither I, nor Comb, nor Luna was anywhere other than where a general should be. All right, she's in too much pain to think clearly, Celestia thought, Better to end this quickly.

"Can you forgive me for letting you take the burden? I know the plan was necessary, but it seems it was harder on you that anticipated." The murmurs from the court and her own sister began running in the direction she'd expected 'Celestia planned this?' seemed the overwhelming response, but other, supporting responses were heard.

"Yes, your Highness," Makoto said, not understanding where this was going, but understanding that she and her allies were off the hook.

"Return to the medical wing, rest, we'll talk later," Celestia said and nodded, not quite a bow, but low enough. When she raised her head, Patrick and Ranma were helping Makoto onto a stretcher provided by the medics. The two carried her out quickly, escaping before either could give away the game. Celestia watched them, so she would have to meet Luna's questioning stare.

Celestia turned to Shining Armor and Prince Blueblood. "I was told she was very convincing," she said.

"She had me fooled," Blueblood admitted, then he frowned, "I should have known making me her chancellor was your sense of humor."

Celestia just grinned back at him while Shining Armor studied the ceiling frescos that weren't there. Celestia practically heard the penny drop for Luna.

The pegasus filly who sat in the small park was a dark gray, and seemed to have a complete fascination/revulsion with the hooves of her forelegs. "This is not what I expected as part of your plan," she said to Spike who stood off a short distance beside Makoto who more resembled a pile of blankets pile against a tree than a woman.

"You wanted to regain what you lost. The physical damage is easily enough repaired," Spike said, "Don and Bruce have already done it. The psychological and spiritual will take longer, a few months."

"I understand how you feel," Makoto said, "When I discovered that as Sailor Jupiter I couldn't have kids, I was incensed, until I understood that Kino Makoto still could." She turned to Spike. "Did you work out a pony name for her?" she asked.

"The closest I could come up with was Crescent Zephyr, but Crescent Spirit might be easier to understand," Spike said, "If I had five words I could do a better job, but ponies would turn it into an acronym, and begin called Curdf wouldn't work out."

"Dragon swear word?" Makoto asked.

"Part of curds and whey," Crescent Spirit said, "I have no desire to be called cottage cheese."

"Right, got it," Makoto said, turned and spotted the other part of Spike's cunning plan, "Well, you're doomed now. I hope you like tree sap."

The filly turned to look at the trio of fillies approaching throwing fearful gazes at Makoto. They tried to approach Spike and Crescent, without getting close to Makoto.

Applebloom grabbed Crescent and threw her on her back before galloping away with the pegasus.

"Run away, she's Nightmare Moon and she eats kids!" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle screamed in unison on their retreat.

"Well, there are better ways to be introduced to the Crusaders," Makoto said to the facepalming Spike, "But saving someone from mortal danger is always a good ice breaker."

Spike briefly looked at her, then returned to facepalming.

34) Dodging Wood of Wood-Chucking Woodchucks

Dodging Wood of Wood-Chucking Woodchucks

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Celestia watched the dancing but was lost in thought. The wedding was everything everypony had hoped for, she thought, Even me. Without the looming threat of an invasion, with three superb wizard/diplomats available, everything when off without a hitch.

She glanced over to the much depleted wedding cake. The elves of Las Pegasus are an open secret, and they'd outdone themselves with the wedding cake. Don has already arranged for larger facilities to let the elves experiment more. She snorted at the dragon's perspicacity, He retained the team who built the Alchemists' headquarters to design and construct it.

She looked at the eager mares all wanting to dance with a bronicorn. I'm not happy they all asked to stay until 'Sombra', Celestia thought, They want to go in with Shining Armor and Cadence to 'kick his flank in'. They also knew about my plans for Twilight, so they compromised about letting her find the Crystal Heart. I shudder to think what else they know about us.

Spike was dancing with Crescent, far better than Twilight's less inhibited gyrations. I don't think Cadence had a hand in that, Celestia thought, But I need to ask, and warn Spike about getting too wrapped up with an adult dragon.

She smiled as Carl took another photograph, this time with a decent, Equestrian-built camera. That man is having the time of his life, Celestia thought, I wonder what it would take to keep him here. His ability to find trouble would save me and the intelligence service a lot of time and trouble.

The only dark spot in the whole scenario was the trio in the corner of the dance floor. While outwardly they were having as good a time as any, Celestia knew differently.

Too many crossing and conflicting responsibilities, Celestia thought, Although a pile of gold and gems would buy Ranma out of his responsibilities, Makoto's and Patrick's cannot be set aside so lightly. Even with free travel between their worlds, they will be dragged away from each other.

Celestia watched the festivities, and wished her supposed mastery of every and all situations was actually her being a master planner, rather than finding extremely talented individuals and being able to improvise seamlessly. It seems a poor payment, she thought, To show them true love, then snatch it away. She paused as an idea bubbled up in her mind. What did Spider say? she thought, 'All their problems can be solved, if you just considered options they won't.' So what won't they consider?

She paused her scheming and applauded as Bruce got up to speak about the happy couple.

"I have been told that it is customary to give a gift and to describe embarrassing incidents participated in jointly," Bruce said, "How did I meet those celebrated today? It was in arguably the best and the worst circumstances. I met them in combat that I neither sought nor wanted, and as a show of both intelligence and compassion, neither did they."

Celestia grinned as the solution presented itself as a gift-wrapped, or rather stone-encased box. That's one and two, Celestia thought, Now how to deal with three?

Ranma expected the blow, then laughed as Makoto hit the back of Patrick's head. "Do I look like a boy to you?" Makoto asked, but accepted the kiss from Patrick.

"No, the casing is wonderfully female," he said, grinning despite the violence, "But the brain and emotion is more male that female, and so is your sex drive."

Ranma chuckled at Makoto going beet red at the flat statement.

"There are other cultures where human interactions don't follow Earth acceptable standards. The male homosexual couples have three to five times more sex than the heterosexual, who have three to five times more than the lesbian. If you read Gryikyt I could give you the study. Guaranteed snooze fest otherwise, like they also discovered the lesbians had the most domestic violence, and the male gays the least, but that's not my point. Extrapolating, males have nine to twenty-five times the sex drive of females, you're keeping up with two of us."

Makoto facepalmed. "If that was pillow talk, I've got a headache."

Patrick laughed. "You won't say that after I shampoo your hair."

Makoto frowned, but was blushing so hard she was radiating heat.

"Well, one actually, but I like it," Ranma said.

"What do you mean?" Patrick asked.

Ranma realized he'd stepped in it, but he also knew he should just go on. Another reason I - he thought, then steeled himself, I admit it, I love them.

Ranma sighed but looked at the two earnest expressions. "You two enjoy sex, I mean a lot. For me, eating a meal, sparring, or taking a healthy dump in the morning are just as good." He saw the dawning horror in their eyes and hurriedly headed it off. "No! You didn't rape me. As if without magic you could, and I know a 'no' would be respected. It's a physical activity, it has techniques, and winning condition, so I do enjoy it."

"But not as much as us," Makoto said.

Ranma's talent for avoiding pitfalls failed him and he struggled to answer the question.

"Are you talking frequency, or intensity?" Patrick asked, rescuing Ranma from his own trap.

"Intensity," Ranma said and nodded thanks to Patrick, "You say 'how about it' and I say 'let's go', and I lo - love making you feel that good, but you two just feel it more than I do." He wiped away something that was stinging his eye. "But the before, and the after," he said softly, "That's what I really like. More than you guys. It's being held, maybe tickled, but -" He wiped away the stinging again and blinked back the tears. "But what I want is that. It's what I've always wanted."

Makoto gathered him in and hugged him tightly. Patrick massaged his shoulders.

"I don't want to lose this," Ranma admitted, fighting not to let his emotions overwhelm him, "I guess I picked Akane because she'd leave me alone. Th others just want me, body and soul, and as soon as they get me, whatever they have to give goes away. At least Akane isn't making a lie of it."

Ranma didn't see the meaningful look that passed between his partners over his head.

Twilight accompanied Patrick through the corridors of Ponyville Hospital. Morning had barely touched the skies, yet Patrick seemed driven this morning. "Don't take Harry's overreaction to heart," Patrick said, "If he hadn't done it, I would have."

"You still saved her," Twilight said and was shocked at Patrick's chuckle.

"I saved my own skin," Patrick explained, "While you ponies are tolerant of each other, you're noticeably less so of those who aren't like you in form or thought. So either we'd have to leave her to Equestrian Justice, or she is simply the next revolution a generation too early."

"It was an accident," Twilight said, guessing exactly what he'd meant about 'Equestrian Justice'.

Patrick continued, "As I understand it, making everyone's, sorry, everypony's cutie mark the same was intended to make everypony equal. The hypocrisy of not including the leadership in the treatment is the typical behavior of activists who are simply equaler that the other, unenlightened meatsuits walking around. That's part of why Makoto did what she did, Celestia and Luna would have to take the field, and the front line, as there were to be no others. Here she is."

Entry into the hospital room choked off Twilight's retort. Talking with Patrick was giving her a headache. Not so much that he was speaking without complete understanding, but half of what he said were uncomfortable truths, while half could be dismissed, yet all of them required deep thought to decide if the instinctive rejection/adoption was defending facts, or supporting dogma.

She hissed at the terrible condition of the mare in the hospital bed.

"I can easily fix all of that," Patrick said, "I just needed to know how much I should. After all, this is a revolutionary who would supplant your entire social system with her own, with her supplanting Celestia as ruler."

It descended on Twilight like a ton of bricks. Here is an enemy like Nightmare or Discord, but a pony, she thought, So do I prove him right and not use the Elements, or do I use the ultimate power I have by proxy, to reshape her. Heal all but her horn? She's no longer a threat, but she'll live half a life. Heal everything, and potentially drop a bomb on the hospital? Do nothing and report, leaving all this on Princess Celestia's head? Heal all but her horn, and let Princess Celestia decide on that?

"If you heal her completely, could you subdue her again?" Twilight asked.

"Before she endangers the hospital, not a chance, not without killing her," Patrick said, "Healing an alien is not a walk in the park."

Twilight groaned at that.

"Deciding not to decide is also a decision," Patrick said, "And breaking a problem into small, more manageable pieces is the root of engineering."

"Heal her enough that she can be safely moved, but keep her asleep. Then we'll take her where she can rampage when fully-restored, without hurting anypony."

"So the capital of Griffistan?" Patrick asked, "Not a lot of ponies there, just griffons."

"No!" Twilight insisted, "Any - body! Is that better?"

"So Spikezilla, me and Crescent as back up?" Patrick asked in the same teasing tone.

Twilight frowned at him, then considered the dilemma. "No, a half-dozen bronicorns," she said, "You tricked me."

"Why do you think Discord ran away?" Patrick asked.

Twilight face-hoofed. "Ugh, Discord, the Princess will be delivering him to Sweet Apple Acres in an hour."

"So, have her there as well?" Patrick said, "With me, Ranma and Makoto, use the Orbital Friendship Cannon on us all at once. All problems solved."

Twilight frowned at him. "We're not going to kill you!"

"That's not what you're thinking," Patrick said and grinned as he began casting the healing spells.

Too late Twilight realized that part of his reason for making her angry was so she'd miss critical parts of his spellcasting, and thus preserve his monopoly on the techniques.

Discord had initially hidden behind the Element Bearers when he'd spotted Makoto and the others. As Makoto had continued her story about her home world's war and Discord's horror and anger grew, he'd stepped over the Bearers and gotten closer to Makoto.

"He did what to a child?" Discord asked, all outward signs of his anger gone, but the careful phrasing and lack of fatuity a warning that he was near exploding.

"Discord, careful," Celestia warned as Ranma and Patrick tensed.

They aren't happy about this, Celestia thought, But Discord might trip a switch he doesn't see. I can barely tolerate the revelations of what I've heard, and they demand immediate redress. She glanced at Ranma and thought, But my target is elsewhere.

"He planted Mistress Nine in Hotaru, to grow and eventually consume her, body and soul. If Hotaru hadn't been Sailor Saturn, and an incredibly strong person, she might have succeeded. Even after Mistress Nine overwhelmed Hotaru, when she threatened to destroy the world, Hotaru found the strength to overwhelm and destroy Mistress Nine," Makoto said, too distraught by the memory to be frightened of Discord or his proximity.

"So, that's what chaos means in your world," Discord said, and cracked his knuckles.

"Correctly," Patrick said, "Chaos is the title claimed by the creature doing all this."

"Right," Discord said. He looked at the bronicorns, over half of them straining at the leash of propriety to rush forward. "Okay, who wants to be a bronicorn in this Brave New World?"

Twenty-four of thirty took a step forward. As did Spike.

Discord looked at Makoto. "So, TNG is a thing in your world?"

Makoto nodded. Discord transformed into a creature like Patrick, although his clothing was a red and black one-piece jumpsuit with a few bits of gold jewelry. "Ready to engage?" Discord asked, when all his force nodded, "Make it so."

They vanished.

"Now, about this mare they brought," Celestia said, feeling an odd pity for this Chaos creature when Discord and the others got ahold of it.

35) Horses in Their Courses

Horses in Their Courses

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Celestia surveyed the ruined dojo and felt absurdly pleased. Then was shocked as one of the combatants actually managed to totter to his feet.

"The Blue Thunder shall not let you have this day," the youth said as he stood and took a stance.

"But with the sorcerer out of the way, the path to the fair Akane lays wide open," Luna explained as she walked in with the dojo's sign.

The momentary uncertainty was all it took for Celestia to buck the youth over the horizon.

"This is like taking candy from a baby," Luna commented as she levitated the sign to Celestia.

Celestia winced as she dug through the rubble to locate one of the combatants. "Speak for yourself."

"I was," Luna replied, "It was handling all the outside crazies."

"But you could fly out there," Celestia said as she dragged the one she'd mentally dubbed Water Falls out of the rubble of the wall. Luna was carefully repairing the little shrine in the corner.

"Now," Celestia said, setting the large bag of bits in front of the man, "You have a choice, these." She indicated the bag and the sign. "Or Ranma." She bucked the Cat-Who-Wasn't away as it leapt at her again. "And if you start crying, I'll make it my choice, not yours."

The impending waterworks ended as fast as they started. "He is honor bound to -" Silence fell as the sound of wood splintering reached his ears.

"Wait!" the eldest of the two noncombatants shouted as the two braved the battlefield, she briefly stared at Luna's restoration work, then concentrated on Celestia, "Is he happy, and is he fulfilling his duty as a martial artist?"

"He is at the moment defending an entire planet from an invading army against impossible odds," Celestia said.

With Discord's force there, I'm not sure who's odds are impossible, Celestia thought. A fast wing buffet knocked the older woman's sword clear out of the compound, without disturbing Celestia's end of the conversation, The 'silly cartoon horses' aren't so incapable now, are we? She longed to ask the woman off chasing the sword.

The eldest took a moment to compose herself. "So he's never been happier," the eldest said while the other eyed the bag that she could have squeezed herself into.

Maybe that's what she has in mind, Celestia thought, She'd seen enough of both kinds in her long life to almost predict their actions, if she used Pinkie Pie or Discord as a filter.

The two stepped away to confer. Comb walked in. "Well?"

The Queen shrugged. "It's there, but such a thin gruel anyone who needed it would starve," Comb told her.

Considering Comb had said that Ranma's need for affection rivaled a changeling's, Celestia thought, More reason not to leave him here. Mortal damage for him doesn't come through combat, but apathy.

The pair returned with a small box, Water Falls began to tear up. "How could you betray your old father so?" he whined, then broke down.

The Panda began stirring, but a quick spell set him snoring again. Celestia didn't believe in honorable war any more than the bronicorns did, but it was a useful fiction when the stakes were low and the two fighting needed to be friends or at least associates afterward. There is little need here, Celestia thought as she gazed at the old woman on her walking stick who'd watched the fight but stayed clear of it as much as possible.

She set the contract down on a crystal table she'd conjured. The younger of the two noncombatants read it over quickly. The best, read most nefarious, legal minds in Equestria had prepared the contract. Then Scholar had given it the once over. They could break the terms, but only at great cost, in both honor and financially.

The pair basically mare-handled the man to affix his stamp to the contract. Celestia hoofstamped it, carefully collected it, duplicated it and floated the duplicate to the older of the two, who handed it to the younger while the father wept.

"Well, this was fun," Celestia said, and restored the half-destroyed building to its former state, "But I'm afraid I have other fish to fry."

"What about all the others?" the younger of the pair asked.

"They have a picture of the Magic Panda," Luna said, "And the suggestion that maybe he and the sword-carrier can produce another son, and methods to encourage them."

Despite Celestia's sleep spell, the Magic Panda sat up with an expression of terror on its face.

"Tah tah," Celestia said. She was ready for the old woman's leap as Celestia began stepping through the gate back to Equestria. The gate was an illusion. The gate the woman traversed ahead of them led to a small, nearby island. Celestia remembered it was called Hon-shoe. Then Comb powered up the real gate spell, and the trio returned home.

The reporter stood shivering as the two, pink-purple telephone poles rested on his shoulders and the fanged maw the size of a bus whispered in his ear. "Please take two days food and water," the reporter repeated as his cameraman, who could see the entirety of the leviathan who'd somehow sneaked up on them, kept the camera on him, rather than said leviathan. "This is approximately 5 liters per person for drinking and basic sanitation. Canned or in foil food that can be eaten uncooked is preferable."

The leviathan smiled for the camera, then began whispering again.

"Please obey the instruction of the Self-Defense force and the police. Keeping civilians clear of the battlefield will allow them to end the battle more quickly," the reporter repeated, part of him wondered about the strange language the kaiju was speaking, but the meaning was practically burning into his brain until he spoke the words, meaning like 'Self-Defense Force' rather than army, and 'police' instead of guards.

"We appreciate your cooperation and we will do our best to reduce casualties, damage and disruption, your cooperation will assist in this endeavor," the reporter repeated. Then the telephone poles removed themselves, and the cameraman tracked the huge creature taking to the air, rather than the reporter collapsing to the ground and voiding his bladder and bowels.

Spikezilla felt he'd done the PR move to the best of his ability. My mind is clearer, he thought, Not so much 'Spike want' and more like a proper guard.

Patrick, Don and Makoto had gone looking for the senshi. Discord had gone straight to where the 'local chaos' as he insisted on calling it, was located. Spike headed that way.

At least I sort of know what he's gonna do, Spike thought as he waggled his wings at a swarm of machines that would have made Twilight and Rainbow equally insane with their capabilities. He followed them in as they made a run at the two chaos titans exchanging fire.

Discord's not doing anything silly, Spike thought, This IS serious. He added a burst of dragon fire to the mix, then raced away to catch the flaming flying machine and rescue the trapped pilot.

There should be a better way to get out of those things, Spike thought, Like the ejector seats in the comics. Maybe they don't have the springs for it.

Discord watched the creature untangle itself from the form he'd turned it into. And it advanced again. Blind, idiot chaos, Discord thought, At least Azathoth has a swingin' musical group. What would Picard do? Nah, talking wouldn't work, and what Kirk would do is too squicky even for me. Logic bombs, brr.

He'd already infused it with the entire US tax code and the essence of an International Law lawyer, and while it did have an effect, it wasn't sufficient. Spikezilla's dragon fire had little effect, and dropping it onto the moon or into the sun would be disastrously useless.

Discord was glad to see the dragon-forms of Patrick and Don arriving, bearing the senshi like open topped air-buses. He'd used all his best tricks, but humans had creative ways of inflicting harm and anguish on even not sentient things.

Patrick carried a small glowing box and dropped it into the middle of the chaotic mass. Then he and Don raced away. Spikezilla and Discord took the hint and raced away, putting a ridge of hills between them and the mass that its followers named Chaos.

"What's in there?" Discord asked as he popped up next to Patrick.

"The equivalent of a bride finding her betrothed's porn stash the night before the wedding," Patrick answered.

"I hope it works on nonsentient entities, because that thing is just an appetite," Discord said, "Its servants did all the thinking and planning."

Patrick conferred briefly with Don. "It'll work," Don assured Discord.

Discord took his ears off and shook them. Sailor Mercury immediately caught the small dog that fell out. "Shouldn't it have exploded by now?" Discord asked.

"You don't think it's like Ranma, do you?" Sailor Jupiter asked as she too hopped off the dragon. The other senshi followed suit.

Discord crawled up the hill on his belly and encountered, Discord. The pair of them performed the 'mirror trick', mimicking the motions of the other for a bit. Equestrian Discord leading, until Discord did a tapdance and Senshi Discord did a far more razzmatazz and rhizomatous version. Then Equestrian Discord was the mirror and Senshi Discord mirrored.

"I like it," Equestrian Discord said, and stepped aside as Senshi Discord approached the horrified to bemused senshi. The Outers, save Saturn were horrified, but Sailor Moon gave him the hug he requested. The other senshi ignored the moustache she came away with, with varying degrees of success.

"What did you drop in there?" Equestrian Discord asked as Patrick transformed back into human.

"One of every 'Hello Kitty' product and knock-off in Japan," Patrick said, "Well, the essence of them."

Both Discords and half the senshi cringed. "You are evil," they told him.

Equestrian Discord resumed his Q-like appearance while Senshi Discord transformed himself into a fuku, then transformed himself into Discord in a fuku. "Just so you don't have to keep typing 'Equestrian Discord'," Q said as he looked around, "Oh dear, I hope you pay your editor, your first drafts are atrocious."

"Let's erase this bit where you get hit by a divine lightning bolt," Sailor Discord said, "Oh right, 'Its servants did all the thinking and planning'." Sailor Discord marched to the top of the hill and shouted to the assembled forces. "Stop worshiping me, you have lives and dreams - " And he ran back down the hill as the fusillade raked the crest. "It didn't work for Brian either, comedy as social commentary, who knew."

Q and most of the senshi facepalmed.

Ranma ran into the group, almost literally. "They are summoning more sort of senshi, and I mean a lot more."

"Sailor Galaxia," Chibi-Usa told them.

"I think we've got a real fight on our hands," Ranma said.

"Spike, Ranma, Makoto and I will go for the summoning," Patrick said, "The rest of you keep this contained."

"How?" Sailor Mars asked, "Put a bubble over it?" Then looked at the bubble that had formed over the battlefield.

"We're bubble-sisters!" Sailor Discord said as he hugged Sailor Mercury.

"Why not let Discords deal with them?" Sailor Moon said.

"Those people are powered by chaos, those two are chaos," Don said, "Like saying the power of X flows through my veins, to a vampire. It won't end well."

The senshi nodded.

36) Equus Ex Machina

Equus Ex Machina

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Prince Blueblood and Shining Armor were overjoyed to see the safe return of their sovereigns. And their sovereigns were just as overjoyed to be back.

The one who wasn't looking as happy was one Harry Dresden. He felt he was kicking a happy puppy who didn't deserve it. "Your mission went well," he told them, "Discord's hit a snag."

"Why when you say 'snag' I imagine the fabric of reality unwinding?" Luna asked, glanced briefly at the trio of artifacts of evil and corruption that seemed to get no traction on humans, then glanced away, "As much as I enjoyed the battle against Saotome's maddened throng, I did not expect it to be a warmup to the main event."

"As for that, I don't know," Harry said, as he shifted the crystal skull with the weird hat and horn behind his back so he could still talk to them, but not distracted them from his words, "But I do have a solution."

Celestia grinned. "One worthy of Discord no doubt."

That didn't make Harry feel much better about himself, the influence the object might be having on him, or what he was going to reveal.

Makoto normally hated cheaters, but with the world at stake, there was no such thing as cheating. Patrick had disrupted the gate that Galaxia had used to bring in her minions while Ranma had rendered her gate-supporters hors de combat. Galaxia had tried the heart crystal trick, only to discover neither had one.

That had been all the advantage they needed to close the distance. Ranma still bore the lightning sword Makoto had provided him with. Patrick drew a blade that would have looked in place on a medieval battlefield, no frippery or polishing, just a workman-like blade. Both proved equally effective. Galaxia's blade was sheared off and her armor and martial arts couldn't hold off the absolute battering she took from the boys.

Per their plan, Makoto held off some of those rushing to Galaxia's aid, with Spikezilla absolutely incinerating many of the others.

'We'll save you Galaxia!' became the death scream of dozens of these alien senshi, and infuriated their master that she needed saving, and that her vassals had acknowledged she needed saving.

Her armor was ill-fitting now, dented, some plates hanging loose, and what exposed skin there was, was covered with cuts and blood, hers.

Ranma extinguished the blade, ran up behind Galaxia, grabbed her uniform through the gaps in her armor and pulled her off her feet. He couldn't pull it over her head, but Makoto winced at the thought of what the woman had to feel like.

You just made a mistake, Makoto thought as she watched Galaxia fall to the ground and her determined expression change to fury. She briefly ignored Patrick to focus on Ranma who stood tauntingly out of reach. Never defend your dignity, when your life is on the line, Makoto thought as Patrick's dagger slipped between plates in the armpit and struck home.

Galaxia's backhand threw Patrick away like a ragdoll, but the damage was done. As she stood, blood flowed down her leg as the patches of her fuku that could be seen under her armor turned bright red. As she raised her hand, to teleport away, Ranma reignited his blade and raced in. Galaxia's body vanished. Her severed head bounced along the ground toward Patrick, as if seeking some final vengeance on her slayer. Patrick had scrambled out of reach, acknowledging the possibility himself. He approached the head, and disintegrated it.

"A trophy would have been useful, but it's a risk we can't take," he said, finally showing the fatigue he must have felt.

Makoto draped his arm over her shoulder, then added an equally spent Ranma's, and hoisted both to their feet. She half-dragged, half-carried the pair 'who just needed a moment to rest' near the crest of a hill, so they could see the rest of the battlefield.

"Oh," Patrick said of the massive host assailing the position held by the senshi and the two Discords. Overhead, the dragons flew, keeping the position from being enveloped vertically.

"I think I'm gonna need a nap and a lunch break before we fight our way through that," Ranma admitted.

"Are nuclear weapons still off the table?" Patrick asked.

"Can you get just the enemy?" Makoto asked, as dispirited as the two boys.

"No," Patrick admitted.

"Then yes," Makoto said.

Patrick sighed and stared in thought at the host between them and 'Senshi Hill'.

"Why couldn't Galaxia get your heart crystals? If she could have, she would have destroyed you," Makoto asked.

Patrick snorted, then leaned against her and started laughing. Ranma immediately joined him.

Makoto looked at the two hugging her and laughing themselves sick. "What's so funny about that? It's now like you don't have them . . . " Makoto trailed off as she realized the answer, "Oh." She covered her blushing face, but was soon laughing herself.

Discord looked at the situation, his tiring allies, and thought, I've never run from a fight in my life. I've been beaten, in my youth, badly beaten until I grew up, but I never ran from a fight. If I'd done that against the Bearers, I might have done better.

He looked at the waves of faux or aberrant senshi, various monsters, and the few bosses that pressed in on the fortified perimeter the Inners and Outers were maintaining. The last rush had been repulsed at heavy losses to the enemy, and only minor injuries to his force.

But we're all getting tired, Discord thought, I already learned I can't use my powers directly on these creatures. He glanced at Sailor Saturn, little Hotaru who'd saved his life after he'd learned the effect of his powers when directed at the chaos creatures. I don't know what a 'Super Sigh-In' is, it sounds like Celly during a budget meeting, but I don't want to meet another one.

He considered the dragons and bronicorns who had kept the baddies and the battle contained within the bubble even after it went down. I can't bring them back to save me . . . us, and if I move our group, these things may disperse and then it's a hundred battles and they'll be able to take better advantage of their numbers.

He summoned a rock, let it become real, and dropped it on a group who were hanging back during the last attack. They scattered and he only got a few of them. The delay is giving them too much warning, but if I don't let the chaos disparate, it'd be like assaulting Pinkie Pie with cake, he thought, And Sailor Chaos can't even summon his own rocks, anything he conjures has the supercharging effects, so he has to use whatever already exists.

We've buried waves under tides of earth, or in walls of fire, but the targets were senshi, they were injured but only kills count, Discord thought as he studied this new emotion, Despair, knowing I can't win this. Not forever. If we don't beat them here, they'll eventually come for me in my home.

"How are we doing?" Discord asked.

"I could do with some sherbert," Moon said, and laughed as every senshi face-palmed. Discord and Sailor Discord summoned a small dish of sherbert for each of the senshi, then watched the enemy for the inevitable rush. Rather than rush during the small pause that refreshes, the enemy was too busy staring above them and doing little celebrations.

"Warp gates, I thought Jupiter's group defeated Galaxia," Sailor Pluto said, and the others looked up in growing despair at the huge number forming in the sky high above.

"Those aren't chaos-based," Sailor Discord said as if confused.

What poured out of the warp gates were Celestias, Lunas, other Alicorns, Element Bearers, and one, very smug, human wizard riding the skeleton of an immense dragon with wings of lightning. Some of the ponies were more martial, some were more bipedal, some were different genders, some of the Bearers were different, or Celestial and Luna still bore the Elements, there were even a few who weren't ponies. One or two wore the sailor fuku of senshi. But all of them took in the defenders of the hill, and then focused on the hordes of Chaos.

"We are the Equestrian Legion, Earth, Tokyo, and these people are under our protection. Withdraw, or be destroyed," came from dozens of Celestias and a few Day Breakers.

"We are masters here, you are merely children's toys made manifest," Pharaoh 90 told them as he rose to meet them.

Pharaoh 90 became Pharaoh 0.9 as dozens of Lunas, Nightmare Moons, and several Bearer groups fired a blast as unified as the voice of the Legion had been. What was left of the chaos lord lightly dusted the horrified horde as they gazed up at the Legion.

With a scream of rage, nearly a third of the horde hurled themselves at knot of senshi on the hill. The remainder threw themselves on the ground or behind cover.

"Be ready," Sailor Discord shouted.

While the attempt at Shock and Awe hadn't been perfect, the same could not be said of the aimed fire. Perhaps only Discord and the Celestias could have picked out the individual bolts from the corona that formed in front of the embattled senshi and swept back the horde. None of the hordelings came within a dozen yards of the bulwarks the senshi had thrown up to defend themselves. Thunder shook the air as beams the heat of the sun swept through the horde. Within seconds, the killing zone before them had been swept clean of every active hordeling, but those who'd surrendered had been singed at most from the fury of the fusillade.

"Oni," Ranma said as he jogged from well behind the beaten zone and began policing up the surrendered chaos warriors, "Sorry, Ogres."

"Bolos," Patrick corrected as he pointed to the immense land-battleships hovering in the air that had been hiding behind a ridge line. They were painted in very familiar colors, and marked with some very recognizable insignia.

"It's not the Enterprise, but it'll do," Discord said as he popped off the hill and appeared next to Celestia, "Your idea?" he asked and jabbed a thumb at Dresden, "Or his."

"He pointed out that the bronicorns believed we were just elements in a story, and they knew where there were hundreds of thousands of such stories with familiar people," Celestia replied. Struggling not to grin at the cleverness of the plan.

A big smugly, Discord thought, And you, you big dummy, your commenters are going to demand you write up the adventures of the Friendship Brigade, the Dinachrome Elements, or whatever they call themselves. Although it might render The Last War bit moot.

While the chaos forces still heavily outnumbered the senshi, the constant glances at the floating battlelines above and to the side reminded the chaos warriors that the senshi were the least of their worries, Sailor Moon and Sailor Discord were the eager carrot, the rest were the reluctant but pitiless stick. Most took the opportunity to renew their vows of fealty to chaos, although a few approached Q.

"We can't stay here," the rather mauled equine chaos warrior said, "Too much bad blood. We would come with you, if you'll have us."

For the first time in his long life, Discord felt a rising panic.

"Say 'yes'," came a soothing voice in his ear. He glanced over and practically heard the ting on Celestia's halo.

"Time for a little revenge," Discord said, and laughed at Celestia's stricken expression, "Prncess Celestia rules there, I don't, you must plead your case to her."

The ears-splayed look of utter horror on Celestia's face made Discord want to giggle. Paperwork, Chaos' ultimate weapon! Discord thought as he handed out the standard Equestrian immigration package to all the eager new, would-be citizens. All fifty pages of it.

"If you don't have pencils, I have needles," Discord told them, "You can sign it in blood."

Celestia was openly horrified that it didn't dissuade any of the applicants a bit.

Patrick spoiled the whole thing by teaming up with Sailor Mercury, scanning the form into her computer, scanning the applicants, and printing out completed forms for them to review, fill out a few blocks, signing them and handing the papers as they were completed to Twilight, Celestia and Luna to review.

Party pooper, Discord thought.

"If you don't like it, go talk to Washu," Patrick said.

"I shall!" Discord said and vanished.

37) Late Night Landings

Late Night Landings

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Makoto felt her competitive nature rising. While she enjoyed cooking, cleaning and a lot of girly stuff, she was a trifle miffed that Patrick and Ranma were as good at it as she was, and were definitely faster.

"You could at least act like it's work," Makoto muttered, then blushed as both of them kissed her on the cheeks.

"Doing it regularly might be work, cooking for and meeting your friends is fun," Ranma said.

"Making them incredibly jealous of 'Dateless Mako-chan' is the real fun," Patrick added, and Ranma yeped and nodded.

Makoto wasn't sure if a face palm, a hug, or a quick trip to the bedroom was in order. She settled on sitting down and watching the assembly of a meal fit for queens, in quantities more appropriate for a platoon of hungry soldiers. While even Usagi had reduced her once prodigious intake, the very early morning after a battle would have them all ravenous and Patrick and Ranma had said they could fix a quick snack. Even in Tokyo, places you'd actually want to eat were few and far between at 2:00 A.M. in the morning.

The fact they were tidying up her apartment in the time between food operations just amazed her. "Watching you two work is like watching two experts dance," she said, "How do you do that?"

"I move in straight lines, Ranma does all the dodging and weaving," Patrick said, "If he can predict my course, and I beat down the instinct to maneuver, it's easy."

Ranma shrugged and grinned, then stopped and looked positively stricken. "I just realized!"

"What," Makoto said and shot to her feet, intent on pitching in wherever and however she could.

"Uranus and Neptune haven't seen my girl-form!" Ranma said, "How are we gonna make those two jealous of Mako-chan if they don't see it?"

Patrick spritzed Ranma into Ranko with the sink sprayer while Makoto facepalmed to hide her laughter.

Celestia was helping shuttle the various other Equestrians back to their homes, while the Senshi, bronicorns and both Discords sorted out the surrendered chaos warriors into those who wanted to return home, and those who couldn't for a whole host of reasons, including that their star system didn't exist anymore. Which disturbed Celestia no end.

ARROOGGGAH!

There are times, Celestia thought, Anything rational wants to knock Discord into the next incarnation. She turned to dress down the draconequus, then she was staring just as hard as he was.

Celestia wasn't human, she wasn't even humanoid, but she wasn't dead either.

Oh my word, she thought as she peripherally noted the poofed wings of every bronicorn, pony and other alicorn in the vicinity.

Makoto's back, with Ranma and Patrick, she thought and realized that was like saying an atomic bomb was just squeezing a couple of heavy rocks. Ranko was wearing a dress that would later give Rarity a serious inferiority complex. It has to be a dress, Celestia thought, A coat of paint doesn't have pleats. Sleeveless, strapless, it barely covered the areola of Ranko's breasts, had a slit to the waist up one side, the gold belt only accented the broadness of Ranko's hips and the whole dress was tight enough you could occasionally glimpse Ranko's navel.

Occasionally because Ranko had one of Makoto's arms draped over her shoulder, between her full breasts and held Makoto's hand on her stomach with both of hers.

I suspect if Makoto tried to remove her hand, Ranko would end up hanging from her wrist, Celestia thought and fought down her own wings' instinct to poof.

Makoto's strapless, sleeveless dress was more demure although if she'd been less well-endowed, it would have needed as much double-sided tape to stay on as Ranko's undoubtedly needed.

That huge rose on the skirt, Celestia thought, Is that a double-entendre or what?

Patrick's tuxedo was the least blatant, but even Celestia felt the power clothes vibe coming from the elegant and severe lines.

Celestia closed her eyes and shook her head, reopening them to focus on the large pot of food Patrick had been carrying on his shoulder, and the other that Ranko had balanced on her head. Then added the picnic basket Makoto had under her free arm. How did I miss those? she wondered as every eye tracked the trio, except Rarity's who had grabbed the list away from Twilight and was scratching the designs onto the back of the paper with Twilight's pen and inkwell. Twilight hasn't noticed that her list is gone, Celestia mentally noted.

The trio stopped a few yards from the knot of Senshi, Makoto's friends. At an unspoken signal among the three, Ranko pulled her dress off and Makoto pulled her skirt off, revealing Ranma in his usual red and black uniform, and that Makoto was wearing Capri pants under the skirt. Rarity was scratching so fast the pen was beginning to smolder.

"Wait, the gorgeous girl turns into a hunky guy too!?" Sailor Venus shouted in outrage.

"Food," Makoto said as Patrick spread the skirt on the ground as a picnic blanket, then waved the open pot in front of Sailor Moon, "Ahem, FOOD!"

"Ah, yes, food," Sailor Moon said in a soft voice, staring at Makoto, Ranma and Patrick, she then glomped all three, "I'm so happy for you!" Completely ignoring the dark looks and disgusted facepalms of all the other Senshi.

Celestia tried not to laugh, and managed to keep it at snorts, then turned so see Discord and Cadance pointing accusatory digits or hooves at each other, only to have the silent accusation denied with an angry head shake. Celestia gave up and started laughing, she was soon joined by many of the others.

The other Senshi were still staring daggers at Makoto, while Cadance and Discord were doing their own duel of stares outside the picnic blanket. Luna almost laughed at Celestia and Sailor Discord trying to placate the two combatants.

What she saw rising over the hills in the distance shocked her. "What is that?" she asked pointing a shaking foreleg at the massive, silvery crescent.

"That's the moon," Usagi said between bites, the only Senshi not planning some horrible fate for Makoto.

"That's your moon!?" Luna asked, "It's huge!"

"No," Usagi explained, "It's a lot smaller than the planet. It's the sun that's huge."

"You actually got it right," Tuxedo Mask told her, and grinned at her frown.

"How big is it?" Luna asked, "Who raises and lowers it?"

"Well, technically," Soldier said, "It's not a moon, it's a space station. It was too dark at night, so we scooped up a bunch of lighter elements from the planet and put a big ball into orbit as a reflector." He gestured around. "You can see how well it works. When the whole disk is properly aligned, it's even better."

Luna stared goggle-eyed at him.

"Give me back my list!"

"These designs must be preserved. You can make another list!"

"SILENCE!" Luna thundered at the arguing unicorns, then said, "Who raises and lowers it?"

"Nobody," Soldier said, "It raises and lowers itself," he said and looked around, "Right? The moon and sun go through their motions without any action from us."

Luna was horrified to see the Senshi all nodding.

"Even during the Moon Kingdom, we didn't do anything to change the moon's path," Usagi explained, "It orbited, had its eclipses and went on. We had magic, lots of it, but we didn't need to affect the moon."

"You had a colony on the moon?" Luna asked, more of a squeak than a question.

"We had colonies on all the planets," Ami said.

"What is an 'eclipse'?" Celestia asked.

"The sun is 400 times the diameter and 400 times the distance from Earth that the moon is, so the arc they occupy in the sky are the same," Ami said, "So when their orbits take them into the same part or exact opposition of the sky relative to an observer on Earth, the moon blocks out the sun, or the shadow of the Earth blocks out the moon. It's quite a sight to see a total eclipse."

Luna smiled. "The moon blocks out the sun?" she asked and grinned at Celestia.

"Yes, and it causes riots, regicides and suicides and people firing guns and rockets at it to get it to move," Scholar said.

"And it always works," Patrick added. Scholar nodded.

Luna frowned at Celestia's subdued grin.

"Back in the time of the Moon Kingdom," Tuxedo said, "Endymion of Earth and the Moon Princess were lovers, so we could easily travel back and forth."

"They were the kings," Patrick interrupted Luna's squawk of outrage, "Ordinary people can do it now, but it is expensive."

"It's even cheaper now, as long as you don't want to land," Ami suggested.

"Wow," Patrick said, "I've got to go home eventually. I always wondered how Nixon got out of that Watergate thing."

Many of the Senshi began closely studying the sky.

"Oh boy, a 'Checkers' moment," Patrick said, "Or did they finally get their revenge for Alger Hiss?"

"Jaunting back and forth to the moon?!" Luna said, pointed a foreleg, "That moon?"

"We've traveled to discover many moons in this star system," Ami told them.

Luna's frustration grew. "I bet you've had expedition to the sun as well," she said.

Ami looked at Patrick who nodded. "Several," Ami replied.

"How would you land an expedition to the sun?" Celestia asked.

"We land at night," Ami, Patrick, and half the bronicorns told her.

" 'We land at night'," Discord said and chortled as they watched the sun come up.

The cosmological discussion had stunned the Equestrians, how their system was a 'disproven' one from early Earth philosophers. The mass and scale of the sun stunned Celestia.

"All the other objects in the star system are less than a tenth the mass of that object," Ami gestured at the sun as she explained, "It converts millions of tons of matter into energy every second. It could eat the planet we're sitting on in just 44 million years."

"When it becomes a red giant," Scholar added, "It will. Expand until it consumes all the inner planets, then eventually it'll shrink down to a stellar core, a white dwarf."

"When will this happen?" Twilight asked and began looking to where the gates had been.

"Oh, a few billion years," Ami said.

" 'Billion'?" Twilight asked, then stared at Ami, "How do you know this? Time travel?"

"No," Patrick said, "We've watched other stars, there are billions of stars, and there have been people keeping records for thousands of years. We've seen stars explode -"

"Explode?" Celestia asked.

"Yep, supernova, brighter than the noonday sun, some of the biggest cataclysms our science can describe," Patrick said.

"Your science," Ami said, "Hypernovae are known to us, and galactic collisions."

"This place is insane," Luna said.

"Well, there are also gamma bursts, the effects of pulsars, the black holes in galactic cores," Ami offered, "But without the supernovae of older stars there wouldn't be the heavier elements needed for life to occur."

The Equestrian alicorns stared at the Senshi and bronicorns with a mixture of trepidation and sympathy.

"I think this explains a lot," Cadence said.

"Suns, exploding," Celestia said.

"Suns eating their planets, over billions of years," Twilight added and shook herself.

"Don't tell Fluttershy about Australia," Ranma warned.

"Why, she'll want one?" Soldier asked.

"I understand about life, and the violence of it," Fluttershy said.

"Fluttershy," Discord said, "If exploding, carnivorous suns are acceptable, and Australia is scary, I don't think any of us need to know about what goes on there."

38) Parting Ways, Partying Ways

Parting Ways, Partying Ways

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Pinkie wasn't normally nervous about parties. She was intent, focused, concerned, but never nervous. Even the wedding hadn't had her on tenterhooks like this one.

She glanced over at Bruce, who was meeting Makoto's fellow senshi, who included a male alicorn. Patrick had gotten Karl some 'ASA 1000 film', and threatened to break Karl over his knee if he kept using the flash. Karl was happily snapping pictures of the whole scene, sans his annoying and blinding flash gun.

Parties are punishment, she thought, How do I explain that they aren't for the rest of us. It is a puzzlement.

"Give me my list back," Twilight growled to Rarity.

"Fabulocity demands I refuse," Rarity tossed her mane and replied.

Nothing Rarity had done could get Patrick to reveal the secret of Makoto and Ranko's dresses. His 'it's magic' answer had been consistent, and unacceptable.

No pony is going to keep Rarity from that secret, Pinkie reminded herself, I've never met a more obsessed pony.

"So he holds the guy over the edge so he's staring straight into Hell," Scholar said, "Saint Peter asks, you got one of those in Texas? The Texan says, Hell, no, Red Adair'd have that out by now."

Sailor Pluto seemed to get the message that being unimpressed with Canterlot because 'the Moon Kingdom was better' was both easily noticed and not appreciated. The other senshi, and the new friends were still enjoying the prettiness of it, even if it didn't come up to home in their eyes. A new place not being as good as home was more acceptable.

Everypony thinks home is best, Pinkie thought, and wondered about the reformed enemies, They were mostly humans or human-shaped in the other world, why are they mostly ponies, or griffon, or dragons in this one?

"Because Discord took a bit of us," an Ursa Extremely Minor no bigger than Celestia explained, "And let us express ourselves in that form."

"You can read my mind?" Pinkie gasped.

"No, Ursas just read the subtitles," the former chaos senshi explained, and walked over to join the others.

"Then why no draconequi?" Pinkie muttered.

"Tradition!" Discord announced, and the entire court thundered back "Tradition! Tradition!"

"Hold it!" Patrick shouted, "We aren't doing that one. Their lawyers are too good. You know that."

"Shoggoth on the Roof?" Discord offered.

"Their lawyers eat the other guys' lawyers," Bruce added.

"That's it!" Pinkie exclaimed and raced away.

She briefly heard Dresden say, "You can all hang out at my place for a week."

Celestia looked around and wondered how Pinkie had gotten to the throne room ahead of them and put up most of the Nightmare Night decorations and a few of the Hearth's Warming Eve decorations that still fit the Nightmare Night theme.

"If this is supposed to be scary," Sailor Mars said looking around, "Nobody would -" She facepalmed as she looked at Sailor Moon glommed onto Tuxedo Mask, Makoto glommed onto Patrick and Ranma, and Sailor Neptune glaring at an oblivious Sailor Uranus.

"I think there's scary," Discord said while standing on Mars' head, "And there's using an excuse. Which shows the greater understanding and intelligence?"

"Get off my head," Mars replied.

Discord wiped his feet then jumped off. "I still think it's good to be home." He ignored the furious Mars and looked around. "They had a realty scary religion. They worshiped bureaucracy."

"Every government on the planet is filled with people who worship bureaucracy," Harry said. Ignoring Mars' growing ire.

"Why?" Celestia asked with undisguised horror.

"Because the theme of the party is scary stories," Applejack said as she glanced around, "No party games around, and no beds, so this is like the first part of a sleep over where we tell scary stories."

"Well, pin the tail on the pony would get confusing for a lot of the newcomers," Discord said as the put a gold star on Applejack's nose, "And with the special senses a lot of us have, hide and seek would not be fun, or possible."

"Scary stories," Celestia said, "Why don't we let Carl go first? He's a professional, but without powers, he's probably been at the greatest risk facing something the rest of us would brush aside."

"Or blow up," Chibi-Usa added.

"Or blow up," Celestia agreed.

The dark, ominous airship landing on the field outside drew them all to the balcony. Then had them jumping en masse over the edge to float or be lowered to the ground. Then charging towards it, the senshi and bronicorns unconsciously forming a line in front of the alicorns and ponies.

They waited as the ramp dropped and the troll walked down the ramp. "Ponies of Equestria! We come on behalf of the fearsome . . .

The civilian ponies gasped.

"The powerful . . .

The guards and civilians gasped.

"The almighty . . .

The guards, civilians, the younger senshi and both Discords gasped.

"Storm King!"

The princesses, guards, civilians, the younger senshi and both Discords gasped.

A unicorn appeared at the top of the ramp. The ponies gasped at her hornless condition. "How about we start with your complete and total surrender?"

"Moko Takabisha Ultimate!"

The blast obliterated the airship, dropping trolls and a hornless unicorn to the ground. The trolls were singed but still breathing. The unicorn looked at the horror approaching her in the form of Bruce, while Ranma approached the spokesman. "I have had enough of people threatening my friends for one day," Ranma told the cowering creature.

Patrick and Sailor Jupiter rushed forward and picked Ranma off his feet before he could lay his hands on the Storm King's cowering spoketroll.

"You tell your 'Storm King' that we're feeling magnanimous, and if you all run away, we'll let him live," Ranma said, the malevolence of his tone diminished not one bit by being held off his feet by the pair of equally grim warriors. "I am Ranma Saotome, I've seen off gods, the only people who ever beat me are behind me, you are before me. If you do not value your own lives, but value the Storm King's, be somewhere else."

The trolls took to their heels, most tottering away. Hundreds who hadn't been seen rushed past and through the flocks of ponies.

Bruce had the unicorn's saddlebags and was rummaging through them. He pulled out a sphere with a growing, green crystal in it, and immediately dropped it in one of his mouths. Even the hornless unicorn gasped as he was covered with black crystals. Most sighed with relief as the crystals faded/retracted, and Bruce popped another in a different mouth, and the petrifaction - depetrifaction occurred again.

"These are delicious!" Bruce shouted, and ate a couple more, before stopping with the last in his tentacle and seemed to focus on the stunned assemblage all staring at him. "Uh, got carried away, we can split the last one."

"Be our guest," Celestia said. Bruce happily tossed up the last one.

"Be our guest," Sailor Uranus added.

"Be our guest," Sailor Neptune said. Bruce caught and swallowed it.

"SILENCE!" Sailor Jupiter said, "Pinkie quit trying to fit a clock costume for Twilight. Rainbow put down the candles." She turned to the senshi. "Guys, songs have unexpected effects here, if we'd sung Uchuu Senkan Yamato, Ranma would have turned into the Space Battleship Yamato before he fired."

"People!" Discord shouted and pointed at the Tirek look alike, presumably the 'Storm King' climbing over the parapet. He threw another of the spheres at the collection of princesses.

"Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!" Bruce shouted from multiple mouths before catching the sphere, landing gently, then downing it in one gulp. The instant he had returned to normal, he rushed of to the utterly stunned Storm King, dragged him off the parapet and shook him violently, "GIVE ME THE RECIPE OR I'LL RIP IT OUT OF YOU CELL BY CELL, SCINTILLA BY SCINTILLA! ALL OF IT STORM KING! ALL OF IT! NOW! EVAN'S SPIKED TENTACLES OF FORCED INTRUSION!" Hooked crystalline spikes grew out of the ends of Bruce's tentacles that waved before the Storm King.

The Storm King fainted. His unicorn assistant fainted. Bruce set the comatose figure down gently. "I know I had help, but do I win the scary story contest?"

"If you didn't," Carl said, "I don't want to hear a competitor."

The smallest troll, who'd wandered over to the side of the hornless unicorn looked around. "Uh, who do I talk to about our surrender?"

Tempest heard the arguing, but then clearly heard Grubber's whisper. "Just stay down and stay quiet," he whispered, "We may get out of this."

"No offense, the food around here tastes like the pictures of food. Your finest cake tastes like somepony drew a picture of cake with crayons, and I'm eating the drawing."

"If there's better cake out there," Grubber said, "I'm goin'."

"There has been a president set," the alien in the horrible tree costume was talking to the princesses, "Of exile from where they were a criminal, to another place where they can be productive. Ask Patrick if he wants to march over to Los Pegasus and destroy the bakers. These senshi are welcome here, not so much in their homelands, if they have homelands."

"Sorry about your horn, the boss admitted he never intended to fix it, if he could," Grubber said.

I hadn't believed my hopes could fall farther, Tempest thought, I was wrong.

"How do you intend to deal with Fizzlepop Berrytwist's infirmity?" she heard Twilight ask.

"If I can't fix it, then Harry, Patrick and I can," the tree said.

"Wait a second!" Tempest shouted, "Fizzlepop Berrytwist is me! How are you supposed to fix this?" She tried to point to her horn, but the manacles prevented it. Grubber and one of the bipeds caught her before she could fall over.

The pink-maned pegasus pushed a bowl heaping with kibble-like food towards her. "You need to eat up to get your strength back, and then they'll regrow it."

" 'For healthy mommy bunnies'?" she read from the bag the pegasus had tried to hide from her.

"All the nutrients for healthy bones," Discord said.

"Healthy fur," another Discord in a paisley-striped skirt said.

"All translates into a new, healthy horn," the first Discord said.

"And a temporary craving for carrots," the skirted Discord said as he set down a bushel basket of carrots, "But such a small price to pay."

"Why are you trying to sell me on this?" Tempest asked, moderating her tone considering Grubber's warning gestures.

Discord smiled, clasped his paws with the other Discord and danced around Tempest and Grubber. "Oh, friendship, love, forgiveness, and returning you to the pony fold," he said, then both glared at her, "And because reducing your feigning-surrender boss to a grease-stain upset everypony so much, we decided to let them have the lead when dealing with you."

"Told ya," Grubber whispered, "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out for ya." He stepped up. "I think it's a good thing, and I'll take responsibility for her. I was the Storm King's second-in-command, I was responsible for her before, I'll be responsible for her now."

"Grubber," Tempest said.

"You do realize," the tree asked, "If she betrays, you'll get eaten right alongside her?"

Grubber gulped, then nodded.

"That's good enough for me," Princess Cadence said.

"No," a blonde-maned biped said, "Uh, not the sentence of exile, that's good, but you, Patrick and Harry doing the healing. We'll all do it." The biped looked at the other assembled bipeds. "It's not fair to ask you to risk it alone."

One of the bipeds became an alicorn stallion, and approached Tempest. "It would be better for you to be asleep for this. It won't hurt, but - there are things not for mortal eyes to see."

"Uh, it'll be okay," Grubber said, "They already fixed up some of the others when they surrendered." He looked at the stallion. "I already saw it."

"As you wish," the stallion said, and waited from Tempest to lie down, and nod.

The stallion rolled his eyes. "You have to eat the food first, that's where we get the biomass for the horn growth."

Tempest looked at all the eyes, pony and not, watching her as she ate heartily.

Cadence was carrying a half-dozen utterly exhausted figures. Shining Armor had adapted his shield to carry an even dozen. Rarity was helping with a couple of others.

Most were glad to be clear of the interrogation that Fizzlepop Berrytwist was getting from Twilight and the Princesses.

"Just a few more minutes," Usagi murmured as she held onto her lover.

Cadence and Armor grinned at the pair and the other pairs they were carrying to guest quarters. Although Cadence was carrying Patrick, Makoto and Ranma, nopony was going to trust Rarity alone with those three while the dress mystery hung over the kingdom. Considering the attempted invasion, nopony was going to credit Rarity's continuing ignorance as 'the worst possible thing'.

Bruce had remained in the throne room, letting three of his five nodes rest, then rotating through them over half hour periods.

"She seems a completely different mare now that she has her horn back," Cadence said.

"She has a future," Armor said, "She didn't really have one before."

Cadence nodded as they dropped off the assembled senshi. "Was it safe to let Pinkie carry Harry to his room?"

"No, that's why I sent Applejack along with her," Armor said, "Between the two of them, it should be okay."

"This has been a strange couple of weeks," Cadence said.

"As strange as Luna's return? She ran the staff ragged as they tried to get her acclimated," Armor said, "Although I guess these people must feel the same."

"It's good they have friends," Cadence said as they delivered the last of the bipeds to the specially prepared guest quarters, and saw Pinkie Pie and Applejack leaving Harry's room.

"So guys," Pinkie asked, "Tomorrow morning's the party, right?"

She didn't understand the universal face hoofing.

The bipedal figured stopped, looked at her red hair and shook her head. "I thought I'd turn back into a pony." She adjusted the black, silk pants and red, silk shirt, before advancing again on her quest for the Element of Magic.

She completely missed the large panda dropping behind her, and bundling her into a sack. The sign the Panda held up reading 'Stupid boy, you've let your training drop' wouldn't have edified her as the bag was opaque and the sign was in Japanese. A moment later the panda stepped between the pair of Discords, who bowed, let the panda transit back home, and waited for the portal to vanish before high- fiving each other.