The Great Equestrian Diplomacy Incident

by Flutterpriest

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Cheerilee, Random, Slice of Life, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1641

Celestia assigned a seasoned team of Diplomacy Veterans to a very special quest to negotiate peaceful terms with the Kansians. They succeeded. The story is about how they ruined everything.

Celestia assigned a seasoned team of Diplomacy Veterans to a very special quest to negotiate peaceful terms with the Kansians. They succeeded. The story is about how they ruined everything.

Written for FamousLastWords. Happy Birthday!

Published 2017-10-06 05:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-06 05:40:07 UTC

Inspired by a True Story

"I'd say that went well if I do say so myself," said Princess Cadance.

"Yeah!" Said Cheerilee, who held the door to their shared hotel room open as the rest of the ponies marched inside. "I have to admit. I thought Celestia was crazy putting the five of us together on a special mission."

"Well", added Spike who was being a nice dragon for a change. "I knew Trixie and Starlight would knock it out of the park. And I pretty much just watched."

"Yeah, but you still did a good job watching. That's something," said Starlight. "Celestia knew that negotiating a peace with the Kansians would be a difficult challenge. She sent all five of us for a reason."

"I was pretty much there in Celestia's place," Cadance added. "You four were the ones who stepped in when things got dicey."

"Trixie's favorite part was when Trixie announced to the room that a peace could not be negotiated unless everypony put down their swords and daggers."

"But don't forget it was Starlight who stopped the explosions!" Cheerilee said. "We wouldn't be here without her."

"Yeah, but you did the most important thing, Cheerilee. Who would have thought that the leader of the nation had a thing for teachers," Spike chuckled.

Cheerilee closed the door behind her and glared at the tiny dragon.

"If you breathe a word of what happened in that room to my students, I will have a long talk with Princess Twilight, Spike."

Spike gulped and scurried to the small rug in between two large beds on hardwood floors. Other than that, it was a normal old hotel room. A dresser had the five's luggage, which was carried in for them earlier. Next morning they would all set off back to the Land of Equestria. The night sky was already shining in through the windows of their room.

"You know what, girls... and spike?" Princess Cadance said. "I think we've earned a celebration tonight."

"What?" the rest of the ponies, and the dragon, said in unison.

"Yeah!" Cadance added, pulling a tall bottle of clear liquid out of her luggage. "We accomplished an extraordinary task for Equestria today. I think we've earned the right to drink until we're silly."

Spike looked quickly between the four mares. Cheerilee winked down at him. The dragon suddenly got the implication hanging in the air, and he kept his mouth shut.

With a quick flash of Cadance's blue magic, five glasses appeared in air, and were filled with the funny clear liquid.

"But, Princess..." Starlight said. "Isn't this... uh. A bit uncouth for a Princess."

Cadance cackled aloud, sending a wave of discomfort through the mares.

"You have no idea what demons live in my closet from my teenage years," Cadance said wryly.

"I hear that, girl," Cheerilee said, taking her glass. "I have some pictures I'd rather not get around, if you know what I mean."

"So! Trixie says a toast!" the wizard mare says, raising a hoof triumphantly to the sky. "Tonight, we drink!"

The four others took their glasses with a laugh, then all drank in unison.

"What's so funny?" Trixie asks, looking between her companions as she sits on the bed that she was claiming in the name of Trixie. "Trixie demands an answer."

This sent yet another wave of snickers through the firls, which sent an uneasy feeling through Trixie.

"I'm sorry dear," Cheerliee says softly. "It's just... we're still not over how often you say your own name in the third person. We've got a bet on how often you'll say it."

"Who's in the lead by the way?" asked spike.

"Me, for the record. And I still have quite a few more before you take over," Starlight says.

"Trixie doesn't-"

"Op!" Cadance interrupted.

"... say her name that much," Trixie concluded in a defeated tone.

"Oh?" Spike said in disbelief. "Bet you to drink every time you say your own name."

Trixie noticably leaned back in some form of disgust and disbelief.

"Fine, only if the rest of you also drink with Trixie,"

The rest of the ponies laughed and nodded.

"Sure! It's a bet," Cadance says. "Now then, let's celebrate!"

When Cadance awoke, her mind was spinning. Her stomach churned in pure hatred of her irresponsibility. But on the bright side. She knew she had a long train ride to sleep off this blasted hangover. She sleepily looked over at the other ponies lying in bed. Trixie was beside her, passed out. The other two mares were asleep in the other bed.

Figures she's be the first one up. Darn Royal Schedules. Won't even let her sleep in on a day off.

Then, Cadance sniffed as she ran a hoof through her mane of bed-head. The most repulsive stench assaulted her nose like that traffic cone did when she was a teen. It was weird. Don't ask.

She sat up in bed instantly, remembering that smell. That's almost like Flurry after her tummy had upset her. That's vomit. Definitely vomit. Cadance crawled to the edge of the bed, and she covered her mouth in fear of losing her stomach.

The floor was covered in vomit. Literally everywhere. There was a trail from the bathroom to the front door, to inbetween the beds. And worst yet, the trail led right to Spike. Spike was sleeping in a puddle of filth, right underneath Trixie, who's mouth was covered in greenish, dried slime.

"Oh no," Cadance whispered. "Oh no. Oh no. This is bad."

Cadance threw the covers of the bed off and into the vomit, because it seemed like a good idea at the time, and walked on the covers to the other bed, feeling the squishy chunks flatten under her hooves. Once she reached hooves reach of Starlight, she immediately shook her.

"Starlight. STARLIGHT. Wake up. We have a problem."

"Wha?" Starlight said, placing a hoof on her head. "It's too bright, Cadance. Turn the sun off."

"One, I can't do that. Two, we're in DEEP doo-doo!"

"Gross," Starlight said, turning over. However, it was only a moment before she sat up too. "What is that smell?"

"Trixie threw up everywhere," Cadance whisper shouted.

"Everywhere?" Starlight said leaning over. Cadance jestured emphaticly at Spike. Starlight placed her hooved over her face. "Oh god Spike..."

"What are we gonna do?!" Cadance asked whispering.

"Do I look like an adult?!" Starlight whsiper shouted back. "You're a princess and a mother."

"I'm on vacation," she growled back.

The two mares look at Cheerilee, then both shake her in unison.

"Cheerilee. Wake up. We need an adult."

"Mnnh. Just say no to drugs, kids," Cheerilee moaned sleepily. However, sure enough, in just a few seconds. "What in tartarus is that smel- Oh no! Spike!"

However, Cheerilee's shout woke up the poor baby dragon.

"Uuggghh. Is it morning already?" Spike said, stretching out. Then, he paused, feeling around the slimy substance. "Oh GOD I'M COVERED IN PUKE."

Trixie made a groan similar to that of a rubber chicken being beaten with a rusty baseball bat, and rolled over.

Spike stumbled to his feet, then slipped into the vomit once more as he tried to climb toward Cadance's covers bridge.

"Spike, take a shower," Cadance says. "We'll take care of this."

"O-okay," Spike said, his voice sounding as if he had nothing left to lose. He crawled into the bathroom before closing the door.

"Okay," Cheerilee said. "Maybe we can try to clean this up."

"Yeah, that's what we're going to have to do."

"Do you think Trixie is okay?" Cadance asked.

The three mares looked at the soiled mare for a moment.

"I mean, she groaned earlier," Cheerliee said, getting up to look in her luggage.

"And now presenting," began Starlight. "the greatest showpony in all of Equestria:"

"Pheh Grep en Pooderfut Troxie," groaned Trixie.

"She's fine," said Starlight. "Now what?"

"Okay, we clean this place up. If we're lucky, we can clean this up before."

Just then, there are three solid knocks at the door.

"Cleaning Service! 10 minutes till checkout!"

The three mares froze solid.

"Thank you! We'll be out soon!" Cadance called.

"Why would you say that," hissed Starlight.

"What else would I do?!" hissed back.

"Guys, I think some of my stuff is missing," said Cheerilee.

"OH GOD THERE'S VOMIT ON THE CEILING," screamed Spike.

"Okay, Okay," Starlight said quietly. "Here's what we do. We've got to just go. We don't have any time to fix this."

"Wait, what?!" Cadance said.

"Guys, my stuff is definately missing," Cheerilee added.

"Well then screw this hotel. We'll leave them a present. Cadance, grab all the bags. Cheerilee. We're going to carry Trixie out to the carriage and then we're getting out."

"But what about Spike?"

"Oh, right. uh."

"If we leave him here," Cheerilee interjected. "He's going to get torn the fuck apart."

"Cheerilee!" Cadance shot back. "This is no time for such Sulferic language."

"Sorry Princess," Cheerilee said. "I'm just angry about my stuff that was clearly stolen."

"Okay, we've already wasted, like, five minutes. Come on!" Starlight said urgently. "Let's go! COME ON SPIKE! WE HAVE NO TIME."

And so, Cadance levitated all of the luggage and walked out of the room with the most deadpan expression she could muster. Spike came out of the room wearing only a towel, which is acceptable for a dragon but not for a human.... Let's let that sink in for a second.

Then, Cheerilee and Starlight rolled Trixie off the bed, where she fell into the vomit with a plunk and a soft gurgle from Trixie. They picked up the poor mare and pulled her out of the room with Spike in tow.

The mission was reported as a failure by Cadance and team upon their return to Canterlot.

The End.