Fuck Me, Baby, So Hard!

by Tilgoreth

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Alternate Universe, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1650

Trixie has upset Major General Rainbow Dash. Time for her punishment.

Trixie spilled coffe on Major General Rainbow Dash. The general decideds to handle this with some "closed-door negotiations."

WARNING:Contains horn sex.

"ahhh, what a subtle name."-Unfortunatley Perverse

"Da faq is this?"-OneAmongOthers

"Great story I may read it again."-Greatest Boxer Puppy Ever

"Darling. No."-RarityEQM

"Dead memes can only fill my sorrow, and one of them explains your story perfectly."-ForeverLonely

"this is not even fanfiction’s final form."-Lil Penpusher

"Up until this moment, I thought this would be the most blatant title I ever saw on the site...lesson learned, I guess."-Estee

"I respect this title."-ThePoopBandit

"I'm laughing so hard right now! :rainbowlaugh: I don't care what other's think you got a thumbs up from me. :rainbowlaugh: Pony A.I.D.S. PPPFFFFHAHAHAHAA:rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:"-QuirkyGallade

"This is a fairly good story, actually. It's not Jane Austen but I feel like people are overdoing it with the dislikes."-Alsvid

"why."-Merula

"it's a good story bront."-Alsvid

"The thing I like about it is the comedy."-Flora Blossom

"10/10 comedy."-Rye Snoot

"Oh boy...

I'm a sadomasochistic, I admit it. I knew what the reviews said, what the comments said, and even what you, the author of... this... said. But even as a self aware clopfic it's still not funny... this is just... Jesus.

I'm laughing right now, but only as a result of the insanity slowly taking over. I highly recommend spending more time on the why instead of the how... more so, consider getting a freakin' editor to help you with this stuff. They say never turn in your first draft... this is why."-Shadow Rift

"Fuck Me Baby So Hard!
by Tilgoreth

1. Technical skill. Grammar, punctuation, etc.
Right out of the gate this has some problems. The second sentence appears to be missing a word and the third sentence switches tenses. The the fourth switches back again. And then the other way. And then back again. It has serious problems with past and present tense, is what I'm trying to say. Overall I think it's not the worst thing I've ever seen, it wasn't bad enough to completely ruin my reading experience, but it's pretty rough. It really could use a pass by a good editor or two, though I've no idea where you'd find somebody who wants to edit something like this.

2. The story as story. How the plot, characters, and overall storytelling hold together.
This is also more than a little rough. It dives into the sex with only the barest of "pizza delivery guy" style pretense. There's a reason for the fucking, but it's not much of one. There's no real plot here at all. Rainbow wants fucked, Trixie is not enthused but feels she has to do it. There's fucking, then there's silly parody fucking, then there's ridiculous fetish fucking, then an even more ridiculous troll ending.

3. The story as clop. Is it hot?
The first section (the initial hornfuck) comes close. There are moments that are almost there, but there's just not quite enough. It's short, skimming over moments that most clopfics would linger on. It doesn't take itself seriously at all, yet the fun it has is just random and weird and not at all sexy. It could be sexy with a little fleshing out, or with any sense that the characters are actually enjoying themselves. Though it might have to trim some of the more unrealistic bits (self fucking is possible, but self-horn-fucking is really pushing it. Also, acting like mare-cum is the same as a male's cum is a pet peeve of mine, there's no gush at climax for most people, it's just leaking wetness all along, but I could have let that pass if the rest had been sexy at all.) The ending also kills any trace of boner I might have had.

4. Use of prompt. Does it feature the characters and ship provided?
Absolutely. Full points here. What little plot there is revolves entirely around the prompt given, so there's nothing lacking there.

5. Bonus. Anything else good about it that doesn't fall into the above categories.
Honestly, the only points this gets are for being so silly that it kind of comes all the way around from being bad to being good. You could do a great MST3K style sendup of this, it's that kind of story.

Final score: Awful. Yep, it really was that bad, congrats!"-SPark

"This story is such shit."-Tilgoreth

Go read the worst story ever.

Edited by Shadowghostalex

This is my entry for The Monthly Contest Club's October contest-Crackship Clopfics!.

Cover art doesn't belong too me.

Published 2017-10-06 05:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-06 05:20:07 UTC

Fuck Me, Baby, So Hard!

Major General Rainbow Dash sat in her office waiting for Trixie to arrive. The blue unicorn had spilled coffee of Rainbow Dash earlier that day. Trixie had, of course, hurriedly cleaned up the General’s soiled jacket and had even her a hundred bits as compensation.

Rainbow Dash is in her office, sitting at her desk, waiting for the blue unicorn to arrive.

Rainbow tapped her hooves impatiently on the desk. Her discussion with Trixie would require some closed door negotiations. Somepony knocked on the door, then barges in.

“I, the great and powerful Trixie am here to humbly apologize to you, General!” She did her best at an attempted salute, Rainbow simply rolled her eyes.

“You’re not a soldier so you don’t have to salute me. Sit down Trixie.”

“Of course, madam.” She bows, then takes her seat in front of Rainbow’s desk.

“Trixie, close the door would you?”

Trixie’s aura appeared around the doorknob as she slammed it shut.

Rainbow Dash smiled. “As a Major General in the Equestrian air force I demand a certain amount of respect. Even from ponies who don’t serve under me. Trixie, you spilled your fucking coffee on me. And I’ve seen the way you act around Private Glimmer. You have no respect at all for authority. Let alone respect for the military. You need to be taught a lesson.”

“Oh but I am the most humble and penitent Trixie! Trixie is very sorry for what Trixie did!”

“That’s not enough Trixie. You need to show me you’re sorry.”

“Oh Trixie will do anything! Trixie is very sorry for what she did!”

Rainbow Dash smiled. “Fuck me.”

Trixie furrowed her brow. “Say what now?”

“Fuck me. Trixie, show me you’re sorry by fucking me.”

“Well, I uh, I mean, uh, I think I have to go…”

“Oh Trixie do you know how easy it would be to have you declared a terrorist threat? You’d simply disappear at that point…”

Trixie gulped. “Well, I mean, I can stay for a little bit. But, um, do I have to fuck you?”

“Yes. Fuck me.” Rainbow drops her trousers, and takes off her jacket. Flaunting her wings, pulling Trixie closer to herself, Rainbow placed the unicorn's hooves on her hips.

“Fuck me, Trixie. Fuck me.”

Trixie gulped as she started at Rainbow Dash’s glistening cunt. She moved her head close to it, slowly, easing herself. Lightly she licked Rainbow’s labia.

“Don’t tease me! Fuck me!” Rainbow yelled.

Trixie pushed her mouth into Rainbow’s nether lips, licking them. Letting her saliva drip onto Rainbow’s already wet cunt. Trixie moved her left hoof to massage Rainbow’s labia while she slipped her tongue inside of the General.

“Bitch, is that all you have?” Rainbow complained.

Trixie grumbled, but continued to Massage Rainbow’s labia, licking the inside of the other mare. She increased her motions with furiosity, finally causing Rainbow to at least moan. Taking her cue, Trixie bent her head forward, her horn posed to strike.

Wait, she thought, am I really going to fuck her with my horn? Shrugging, Trixie plunged her horn up inside of Rainbow’s vagina. Soaking the unicorn's mane, Rainbow’s juices running down onto her face.

Pulling her head back and forth Trixie proceeded to fuck Rainbow, making the General moan loudly. Rainbow banged her hooves against the desk as Trixie continued to fuck her.

White hot cum poured forth from Rainbow’s vagina, spilling onto Trixie’s mane, running into her eyes. Trixie pulled out, her horn completely soaked. She wiped her eyes, before looking up at Rainbow Dash expectedly.

“Has Trixie pleased you general?”

“Hrmm. Na, that was pretty fucking gay. I think I need something else. You like using your horn huh? Why don’t you fuck yourself in the ass with your own horn.”

Trixie fell backwards. “But, but-but, b-b-but that’s fucking crazy!”

“Does Trixie want to disappoint me?”

Trixie gulped. “No Trixie wants to be forgiven for what Trixie did. Trixie is still very sorry for what she did.”

“Good. Now fuck yourself.”

Trixie got on all fours, then brought her head in between her hips, and with some effort, she pulled her anus on top of her horn. It slid in easily, lubed up by Rainbow’s cum. She let out a gasp as the born proceed to embed itself in her ass all the way to the base of her horn.

Grabbing her flank with her hooves Trixie pulled it down on top of her horn, the constant rhythmic sensation causing her to moan. Rainbow reached her left hoof down to her labia as she watched this. Lightly massaging her clitoris as she did so.

Trixie thrusted her horn roughly up inside herself. “Ohhh!” she moaned as she fucked her own ass. Reaching a hoof in between her legs she began to massage her labia as she continued to fuck her own ass.

Rainbow grabbed a pen off of her desk and shoved it inside her vagina. The sharp metal poking her insides, she ignored it as she massaged her labia. Cum dripping off her hoof as she did so.

Trixie pulled her ass closely on top of her head. Enjoying the horn as it pressed against her inside, making her feel full. She pulled her horn back out, slamming her head on to the ground. Rubbing her hoof furiosuly against her clitoris and labia cum puddled around her legs.

Rainbow Dash did the same, cum pouring down the generals legs and desk.

Trixie panted. “Is Trixie forgiven now?”

“Not yet.” Rainbow moved to Trixie, and placed herself on top of the other mare. She moved her head towards Trixie’s already soaked vagina. Trixie tried to untangle her mane, but it was completely soaked with her own cum. And her horn smelled like shit now.

Rainbow flicked her tongue inside of Trixie’s vagina , using her hooves to masssage Trixie’s labia and clitoris. Trixie moaned in response. Rainbow continued her endeavour, making the other mare moan as she did so.

Trixie’s cum poured onto the generals tongue, which Rainbow generously licked up. Rainbow sat back, her muscles ached and she wanted this to be over with. But not quite yet.

“Huh...has Trixie been forgiven yet?”

“No.”

Trixie sighed. “What must Trixie do now?”

“Hold on,” Rainbow said. She went behind her desk, opened a drawer at the top and took out a whip. She brandished it and flicked it against the wall, making Trixie jump. “Just some punishment.”

Trixie got on all fours again, baring her already sore flanks for the general. Rainbow flicked the whip outwards, making contact with Trixie’s cutie mark. Trixie cried out as tears streamed down her face. Rainbow continuously lashed the whip against Trixie’s flanks, causing whimpers and tears too come from the unicorn.

Rainbow stopped, she placed the whip back on her desk, and leaned down next to Trixie’s face. “Trixie will do one last thing for me. Fuck me in the ass.”

Trixie gulped, but didn’t protest this time. Rainbow got on all fours, Trixie posed her horn in front of Rainbow’s anus, before thrusting it inwards, causing the general to let a gasp escape.

Trixie grabbed Rainbow’s flanks and used them to thrust inside of Rainbow Dash. Eliciting moans of excitement from the general. At the same time Trixie reach one hoof down to Rainbow’s labia, massaging her clitoris as well.

The constant thrusting and rubbing of her labia didn’t allow Rainbow too last long. Cum poured forth onto Trixie’s face, soaking the unicorn evan more. Trixie pulled her horn out, without asking she got up, did her best to clean herself up and went to the door.

“Trixie is forgiven now?”

“Yes,” Rainbow panted, doing her best to redress herself. Trixie left her office, leaving the pegasus general by herself.
Trixie ran out of the military base as quickly as she could. It didn’t take ponies long to figure out what had gone down during the closed door negotiations.

Rainbow looked expectantly at the doctor.

Doctor Pone shook his head. “I’m sorry General, but you have pony A.I.D.S”

“What?! What the fuck is that? Is that different than normal A.I.D.S?”

“Yes, the symptoms of pony A.I.D.S are as follows, delightful enthusiasm, a craving for chocolate cupcakes, and an insatiable need to be the most fucking adorable thing in the room. Oh and your anus will be sore every time you take a shit.”

Rainbow checked off the symptoms in her head.

“You’re telling me I have pony A.I.D.S? Well fuck me!”

“Heheh. Isn’t that what got you in trouble in the first place?”

Rainbow glared at him. “How’d I get it?”

“Well the most common way is to have unprotected horn sex in the anus.”

Rainbow gulped. “Um, I kind of had this one mare fuck herself in the ass, then fuck me in the ass with her horn, without cleaning it first…”

“Yeah, that’ll do it. It’s really not trouble General. We merely have to replace your anus with a healthy one, thus all the symptoms will be reivled.”

“Well goddamn let’s get on that!”

“We have another patient ready now,” Doctor Pone said as a nurse wheeled in Trixie, her ass primed and ready for replacement.

Rainbow stared at the unicorns plump ass, her jaw agape. “Her ass is healthy?”

“Yes. Very healthy in fact. She has agreed to give you her anus, instead she will now have it replaced with a plastic tube. Somewhat painful, but it’s better than feeling like lava is coming out your ass,” Doctor Pone said.

Rainbow face hoofed. “Fuck me, baby so hard. Let’s get this over with.”

Trixie smiled. “Trixie is forgiven?’’

“Trixie, you’re a motherfucking goddess.”

Both mares chuckled as their anus were removed from their bodies. It was a good encounter after all.

Author's Note

What am I even doing at this point. :rainbowlaugh: