Alone

by NeevaDash

First published October 6th, 2017 23:50

Pinkamena sits alone. Pinkamena wants to be alone. But she won't be alone. She's never truly alone.

Chapters

All I wanted was to be alone...

All I wanted was to be alone...
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Alone

All I wanted was to be alone...

Author's Note

Ahh, I tried to make this all sad, but it's a little cringey! Oh well, could be worse xD

Ooof, I noticed the OOCness too rip. Welp, I tried xD

All I wanted was to be alone...

I was sitting on a park swing humming a tune to myself softly, hoping I'd stay alone in this park. I normally didn't leave the house with a chance of being seen in public like this, but I didn't really care. I wanted to be away from everyone I knew. I just wanted to be alone.

I heard a couple of voices in my head talking to each other. Closer to arguing with each other.

One was me, one wasn't. Or closer, they were sides of me, one I liked, one I didn't.

"So what if you kill for a living? Maybe it's morally wrong in the books, but look at where it's put you!" said one of them, specifically, the side of me I disliked. Or closer, the one I don't know how to accept.

"Monster! Why are you killing people you call friends? Only the most evil of evil would do that!" said the other, the nice one. The one that wouldn't hurt a butterfly. Or more specifically, the old Pinkie.

"Don't listen to that voice. You've got everything you've wanted, Pinkamena. A cute girlfriend, a home with people just like you, and a business, baking cupcakes for all!"

"You don't wanna be evil! Spilling blood is wrong, especially when they're you're friends. You have nothing to lose. All you've got is an evil girlfriend who can't give a shit about you, a home full of meanies, and a cannibalistic business!"

"But you do have everything you want. You have more than you want! Why are you doubting yourself?"

"You have nothing you want. All you do is kill, and occasionally have sex, who would want a life like that?"

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed while grabbing my head. I was glad there was no one to see me break down, it definitely wasn't pretty. Or at least I thought I was alone, until I looked right.

I didn't even notice her sit down, but beside me was Dashie. She looked really concerned, and the slightest bit afraid. I sighed.

"I guess you saw me in my worst moment." I sighed, holding my head down. I was ashamed she had to catch me like this. Everything I did to be alone, I ended up being breaking down right next to my own girlfriend.

Dashie got up from the swing beside me and gave me a hug, which surprised me a bit. I expected to be questioned for breaking down like a mentally unstable person, not hugged.

"Why are you hugging me..?" I asked softly. I didn't feel like being over-the-top-hyper Pinkie right now, so I didn't speak loudly.

"You need it. You're not the only one that breaks down at times. I break down too." I was surprised to hear that. Dashie is always cool, calm and collected. I've never seen her break down in my life.

I began to cry uncontrollably into her shoulder. I felt stupid. I was supposed to be Pinkamena, an evil killer cupcake maker. Not a little bitch that needs her girlfriend to put her back together whenever her crazy ass loses it.

"Don't feel stupid either. You might spill blood for a living, but you're still human. You still have emotions. You're not numb." she whispered into my ear to as I cried.

I admittedly felt a little better. I still heard voices, but they weren't as loud. No matter how much better I felt though, the feeling that the voices will always be there still lingered. I then accidentally told her about the voices.

She didn't really respond with words, she just held me tighter as to say 'Aw, I'm sorry', but without speaking. I still cried. The voices got stronger again, I guess I let them in by being negative.

"I doubt she cares about you. She just feels bad for you, how cute."

"I'm sure she loves you, duh, she can hardly stand seeing you cry."

"She doesn't give a shit about you."

"She loves you with all of her heart."

"OUT OF MY HEAD!" I shouted again, while crying my eyes out. I didn't know who to believe. I didn't know what to believe.

I was still sobbing, but I gave Dashie a crooked smile, and looked her in the eyes. "Take me out, Dashie. I don't think I can live on with these fucking voices." I told her, basically asking for assisted suicide.

She looked at me as if I were crazy, which frankly, I believe I am. "Uh, hell no. You're not taking the easy way out." With that, she sat me back down on the swing. She then told me something I never expected to come out of her mouth at this moment.

"Didn't you say you liked making people smile? How about making yourself smile, for once. You can't make anyone else happy while you're sad."

I didn't quite know how to respond. I did love making people smile, but I never really took the time to make myself smile. I didn't matter anyway, I just liked seeing others happy. I didn't deserve happiness.

"Pinkie, just promise me to stay here." she said eventually, giving up on her pep talks. "We can help the voices, but we can't get another Pinkie. That'll never happen."

Dashie usually wasn't one to say anything sappy or heartfelt, but it's like seeing me in such a low changed her attitude. I don't know what it was, but she seemed different. Almost.

"I-I won't go anywhere, I promise you." I said in-between sobs, a small smiling forming at the corners of my lips, however. I felt a lot better. I believed I could keep those voices from ruining this day.

She hugged me again. "Glad to know you're sticking around."

I wiped my tears. I felt like ol' Pinkamena again! Whoever was moping around in an empty park was gone.

"C'mon, let's go to Doughnut Joe's." Dashie said as she dragged me out of the swing. You didn't have to tell me twice to go get doughnuts!

Today, would be a good day.