Spike’s Substitute O&O Session

by Lise

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Spike, Slice of Life, Ember, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 17029

With Twilight off at a conference, Spike is ready to host the greatest O&O session of all time. One problem: none of his regular gaming buddies can make it. And they're sending substitutes.

With Twilight off at a conference, Spike is ready to host the greatest O&O session of all time. One problem: none of his regular gaming buddies can make it. And they're sending substitutes.

Special thanks to Themaskedferret, ChappedPenguinLips and FloydienSlip for editing.

Published 2017-10-07 01:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-03 16:35:39 UTC

The Uh&Oh Session

“I challenge!” Rarity hissed through her teeth, pulling the dragon miniature with her magic.

“I challenge your challenge!” Ember shouted, throwing a die halfway in the wall.

“Not to be a pig’s snout, but I reckon that I and Marble here did more than half of the damage,” Applejack interjected, looking up from the rulebook. “And, if you don’t mind me pointing out, I did strike the first hit, by which the battle was initiated, as it says here, so rightfully we should get the prize. It’s only fair.”

“Uh Huh.” Marble Pie nodded beside her.

“And I did the last hit,” Starlight narrowed her eyes. “But you somehow skipped the section about the killing blow. Not very honest now, are you? The rules very clearly state that whoever kills the monster gets the prize, plus corresponding experience.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Darling!” Rarity scoffed. “It was obviously a party effort, and regardless the character whose role was best illustrated should justly earn the reward.” She raised her chin, pleased. “And if there are any doubts, let Spike tell you. Isn’t that right, Spikey-Wikey?”

“Yeah!” Ember crushed another die in her grasp. “What do you think about, Spike? As Oubliette Master you can make the decision.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Applejack flipped a few pages. “Says here that the OM has full authority when it comes to disputes and their decision is absolute.”

“Uh huh.” Marble Pie nodded beside her.

“Actually, that’s a good idea.” Starlight grinned. “Spike, what do you decide?”

“Um. Me?” Spike swallowed. Things had completely spiraled out of control. Sweat trickled down his forehead, as he flashed a guilty smile. Four sets of eyes were glaring at him, expecting him to announce in their favor. How could something so good end like this? he whimpered internally. This was supposed to be the best game ever...

“So, remember Spike, I’ll only be gone for two days, so don’t worry too much, okay?” Twilight trotted towards the door, a small suitcase levitated behind her. “Remember to eat well, and if there’s an emergency—“

“Send you a scroll, I know.” Spike sighed. “You only told me like, a hundred times.”

“And you can always ask Starlight for help if you’re in any sort of trouble. Or maybe I could ask—“

“Twilight! Go already! This isn’t the first time I’m alone!” The dragon crossed his arms. “Besides I’m not a baby dragon anymore. If anything happens, not that anything ever happens, I’ll handle it, okay?”

“Right, right.” Twilight nodded. “It’s just that you’re like my little brother, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I’ve been so busy since I became princess that I’ve hardly had enough time to spend with you. You must be suffering inside.”

“Completely traumatized.” Spike deadpanned. “Now get going or you’ll be late for your conference thingy.”

“Friendship summit,” Twilight corrected. “I still feel uneasy leaving you alone for so long.” Twilight’s ears drooped. “But I guess Starlight’s here, and you can always send a scroll in case of an emergency.”

Spike shook his head. On the outside he was calm, cool, annoyed at her habit of second guessing herself when in came to him. On the inside he was screaming for her to go. An hour from now, after a two week delay, the weekly Ogres & Oubliettes game session was going to begin. What was more, today was a very special session: Thorax had finally agreed to join, for which Spike had prepared an entirely new adventure. The dragon grinned as he pictured the intricate plot and complex puzzles he had spent days coming up with. This is going to be so great!

“Well, I suppose I’m overreacting a bit,” Twilight chuckled.

“No kidding?” Spike grumbled under his breath.

“I better go now. And remember—“

“If there’s anything I’ll send you a scroll,” Spike recited in his most annoyed voice.

“Yep. I guess I’ve said that before.” Twilight blushed, covering her mouth with a hoof. “Well, have fun, Spike. And don’t worry, I’ll be back before you know it.”

A flash of purple later the alicorn, along with her luggage, was gone. Spike waited for a few more moments, just to be sure she wouldn’t reappear to give some “final words of advice”. A minute later he closed the door. Finally The dragon rushed towards the map room. There was so much he had to prepare. New character sheets, spares-just in case someone decided to change character-, maps, NPC scrolls, miniatures. The last three sets had all disappeared due to unforeseen circumstances. The original ones were brought to life by Discord and had to be destroyed, the second set were unfortunately made of gems and quite delicious, as for the third... the entire group had decided never to speak of that again.

“Core rules, core rules.” Spike hurried to fetch them from under his bed. I hope Thorax doesn’t chicken out again. I have the perfect character for him!

The dragon had barely reached his room, when a loud knock came from the front door. Spike paused a moment just to be certain. The rapping sounded once more.

“I’ll be right there!” Spike grabbed his entire Ogres & Oublettes box. I bet it’s Thorax! Only he’d be here this early! He’s probably going to ask about stats and perks and backgrounds... The dragon wobbled along the corridor and down the stair, careful not to trip or spill his precious loot. Reaching the front door, he placed the box on the ground. “Gimme a moment,” he said catching his breath.

Okay, maybe I need to revise my O&O stuff, he considered. Most of it was old editions he kept for sentimental value and the occasional house rule. Spike could easily replace those with an errata scroll. That, would have to wait, however.

“You sure are early.” Spike started to open the door. “I didn’t expect to see you till— hghu?!” The dragon froze in place. Standing outside was a stunning white unicorn dressed in a scarlet silk dress. Her purple mane was woven in several braids, each ending with a gemmed ring. “Ra-Ra-Rarity?”

“Hello, Spikey-Wikey.” Rarity said, trotting past the extremely shocked Spike. “I do hope I’m not late. When Rainbow Dash made me promise I take her place she typically forgot to mention the precise time. I would have been here sooner, but I just needed to finish my roleplay outfit. What do you think?” She made a few steps, then turned around, waving her dress in the process.

“Pretty...” Spike managed to say, blood rushing to his face and cheeks. “Wait, RD did what?” He jumped in panic, as the sudden realization hit him.

“Well, she had promised to go with Fluttershy to observe the great ant migration, and being who she is didn’t even bother checking her schedule.” Rarity glanced at the box of O&O materials. “Naturally, I couldn’t let your game be ruined, so I decided to take her place. To be honest I was looking forward to observing your game sessions. Pinkie Pie keeps going on and on about them, so... is that me?” The unicorn levitated a miniature of her.

Uh Oh. Spike swallowed. “Umm, sort of?” He flashed a guilty smile as drops of sweat covered his face. “She’s actually the princess we are supposed to resc—“

“A princess?!” Rarity’s eyes widened as she stared with adoration at the small figurine. “Oh, Spikey-Wikey. You made a princess just for me? You really are the sweetest dragon in Ponyville.” She rubbed his cheek with her hoof.

“Err, that’s right!” Spike’s smile widened. “I made the character just for you!” Coming with stats and skills for a princess class will be impossible! “She has level 8 on regal fashion!” he quickly added. But so worth it! “Let’s go in the gaming room and I’ll help you fill in your character sheet. It will only take a—“

A loud bang came from the door. Spike’s heart fell. He wasn’t expecting anyone else to arrive early. His glance moved from the door to Rarity. She was still busy admiring her figurine, fortunately for him. A second series of knocks reminded Spike that wouldn’t last for long.

“So, um, let’s get your character ready!” Spike suggested pushing the box towards the map room. “You’ll be much more comfortable there, and you can go through all the books to choose the skills that would best suit you.”

“Skills? Role play is like theatre!” Rarity waved her hoof dramatically. “All is in the backstory if the character. Those fine nuances that make up the fabric of one's very existence, the patchwork of events that give texture to one’s very soul!” She placed a hoof on her forehead remaining still for a few moments. “The map hall, you said?” Rarity asked almost immediately after, breaking out of her theatrical persona.

“Umm, yea?”

“Splendid, darling.” Rarity trotted down the hallway. “I better get started, then. It would take a short while for me to get into the character of my, well—“ she giggled “—character.”

“Yeah, right.” Spike added a forced laugh. “I’ll be with you right after...I talk with the mailmare about a package!”

Oh no, oh no! I hope it’s Big Mac. At least Big Mac would be understanding. Discord would do everything possible to humiliate him, forcing Spike to resort to bribery. Last time he had to give him ten additional experience points so that certain truths would remain unmentioned. Taking a deep breath the dragon opened the door.

“Yo, Spike!” Ember said almost knocking him back. “What took you so long? For a moment I thought I had gotten the wrong day.”

“Ember?” Spike blinked. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, right.” Ember slapped herself on the forehead. “I always forget your pony customs.” She grabbed him from the floor, giving him a brief but tight hug, then let him down again. “There we go. Greeting hug achieved.”

“I mean what are you doing here?” Spike managed to ask. “Is anything wrong in the dragon lands? Did someone challenge you for the title of Dragon Lord?”

“Hah, as if!” Ember laughed. “Nah, Thorax got wrapped up with something so he asked me to come to your fighting game thing instead. He was really broken up about it, and since he’s my friend I decided to check it out. Besides, after what we went through at the dragon trials, I’m sure your ogres and oubliettes won’t stand a chance.”

Thorax sent a replacement as well? This was rather unexpected. Not that Spike had anything to complain about. He had been considering inviting her to join the party for a while now. The only thing that stopped him from going through with it was the insignificant fact that Ember tended to become a bit too competitive when it came to anything combat related.

“So who will we fight today?” Ember rubbed her claws.

“Umm, Thorax told you that we don’t actually fight anyone, right?” Spike asked with hesitation. “It’s just a game of make-believe.”

“Huh?” Ember narrowed her eyes.

“Err, what I mean is, we don’t actually fight anyone, we just imagine what we’d do if we fight them. Like, I’m great very realistic detail.” Sweat was trickling down his face.

“Hmm. Go on.” Ember made a circular motion with her claw.

“You see, it’s much more efficient that way. Instead of bringing monsters here all the time, we just imagine how we’d defeat them. It’s very realistic. You even get to choose what weapons and techniques you use when fighting to make it more realistic...”

“Imagining how to defeat an enemy.” Ember scratched her chin. “Unusual, but why not? I guess it’s easier than finding monsters and bringing them here.”

“Yes! Definitely much easier!” Spike nodded enthusiastically.. “And this way you get to face a whole set of different monsters! Seas of monsters you must defeat to get their loot and win the big prize.”

“Spike.” Ember placed her claw on his shoulder. “I like it already! When do we start?”

Not today by the looks of it, Spike thought. Two substitute players, both complete newbies with no idea how to play. It was going to be a challenge to get them up to speed to say the least. Spike glanced at Ember. She was standing in the hallway, wings open, ready to swoop at anything she might consider an enemy and smash it to bits, or melt it. Heh, good thing that there’s nopony else in the—

“Ember?” a surprised voice asked. Spike barely had enough time to turn around when a torrent of fire burst in that direction, stopping in a wall of magic. “Hey, it’s me, Starlight!” The voice shouted. “Hold the fire, okay?”

Spike bit his lip. Starlight was the last pony he wanted to be around. With all the recent surprises he had completely forgotten she had remained behind. In normal circumstances it would hardly have made much of a difference. Most of the ponies already knew about his hobbies, so joining into his O&O party would hardly make any difference. Bumping into a fire-breading Dragon Lord, however, was an entirely new bowl of gems.

“Twilight?” Ember blinked. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Wrong purple one.” Starlight frowned as she trotted closer.

“Hmm, are you sure?” Ender arched a brow. “Well, if you say so.”

“Yep, definitely not Twilight,” the unicorn insisted. “No wings, no reddish streak, entirely different cutie mark.” Starlight smiled, yet Ember didn’t seem overly convinced. “Anyway, what brings you to Ponyville? If you’re looking for Twilight, you just missed her.”

“No, not Twilight. I’m here to take part in Spike’s game of wit and military skill,” The dragon said proudly. “It’s called Ogres & Oubliettes.”

“Really? What a coincidence! I’ll be joining the party as well!”

“Nice!” Ember grinned.

“What?!” Spike jumped. “Since when?!”

“Right. Well, Discord lost a bet and had to go on tour with Trixie for a week.” Starlight smirked. “He’d been pestering her for months until she finally gave in. Just a friendly piece of advice, in the next few months don’t mention “flying pigs” to her.”

“Oh.” Actually this might not be a bad thing, Spike thought. With Discord not showing up, the greatest source of humiliation was gone. Instead he was going to play with Starlight, Ember, and Rarity. Panic changed to calm, then joy as the dragon re-evaluated the situation. “That’s great, Starlight!” he said with newfound enthusiasm. “You’d make a great player... as well,” he quickly added seeing Ember’s glare. “Any idea about your character?”

“Hmm.” Starlight put a hoof to her muzzle. “I’ll have to go through your books to make a decision. Discord tried to explain a bit, but every five words he’d start telling a new story so I got a bit mixed up.”

“Sure, sure! Everyone will be making new character sheets anyway, so you’ll fit right in. This way if you please, brave adventurers!” Spike made a bow and rushed along towards the map hall.

“Character sheets?” Ember asked in a whisper, to which Starlight only giggled.

Less than ten steps later, yet another knock came from the door.

“That’s probably Big Mac.” Spike said with earnest. “He’s already made his character so he’ll be able to help out with character creation. I’ll go get him.” And have a quick talk with him warning him not to mention the last princess quest. “Starlight, can you take Ember to the gaming hall?”

“We can wait for you a few minutes, Spike, it isn’t a problem.” Starlight offered. “Right, Ember?”

“Err.” Spike swallowed. “Sure, you could... but you could also go there and get familiar with the skills and weapons? Big Mac and I have this secret greeting that can take a while and, you know, I don’t want to waste time in rule explanation when we could start playing faster.” He flashed a smile.

“If you say so.” Starlight giggled and winked. “Let’s go, Ember, Let’s go to the ‘gaming hall’ and leave the boys to their secret greeting.”

That was close. Spike wiped the sweat off his face. The princess quest wasn’t something he wished anyone to learn about, especially Rarity. That was the one and only time Discord had been OM, resulting in a combination of the best and worst experiences the party had in and out of character.

Counting to ten, Spike then made sure he couldn’t hear Starlight or Ember anymore, before rushing to the door again.

“Hey, Big—“ he paused. Applejack was standing there, saddlebags full of books, right in front of Marble Pie who seemed to be using her as a shelter to hide behind. “Let me guess, Big Mac and Pinkie couldn’t make it and sent you in their place?” the dragon asked with a confident smirk.

“How in tarnation did you figure that?” Applejack blinked.

“Please.” Spike waved in faux modesty. “I’ve been playing O&O for years. I could tell when someone wants to join the party. And I bet those are Big Mac’s books in your saddlebags.” Don’t know why you brought them since I have my own set, which is a hardcover limited first edition and his is a simple paperback limited first edition.

“Well, Big Mac kept saying you were a pretty good OM. You be mighty good at noticing the small details.” Applejack glanced at the large red book in her left saddlebag. “Don’t fret, though. I spent all night reading the Beasts Bestiary so I reckon I’m pretty acquainted with things.” She puffed up her chest.

“That’s Great, AJ!” Spike beamed. “That would be very useful when you start the adventure. Did you set up a character?”

“Say what now?” Applejack narrowed an eye.

“You did go through character creation, right?” Spike asked. The orange mare stared at him blankly. “Did you pick your skills?”

No response.

“Did you roll your stats?”

Nothing.

“Did you choose your class and race?”

“To tell you the truth I was so captivated by the Bestiary thingamajig that I didn’t get to the other books.” Applejack looked away.

“Uh huh,” Marble added meekly behind her.

“Hey, don’t worry.” Spike moved aside so the mares could enter. “The entire party will be making new characters anyway. Funny how the entire party today is substitutes,” he added with a chuckle.

Best day ever! Spike thought as they made their way to the map hall. He was about to OM an entirely new group, not to forget a group that had Rarity in it. Spike could almost see the thrill, the excitement, the tension as they went on their first O&O adventure. It wasn’t going to be easy, most new groups ended getting their characters knocked out on their first adventure, but as long as he was forgiving and let them get used to the system everything was going to be fine. And not least, there was Rarity. Now was his moment to shine. Since everyone was going to start a new character, Spike was going to switch to his secret level one alt he had created just for the occasion. He had never had the courage to actually ask Rarity to an O&O session, but now since she was here already, he was determined to do what it took to get her hooked to the game. Maybe she’d even agree to another session in the future?

The moment he reached the game room, his illusions shattered. Sitting on one end of the table Rarity was busy sketching her character on a piece of paper...next to a large scroll titled Backstory. More concerning, she was dressed in an entirely different outfit than before.

“What do you think? A two handed halberd or a great grandsword?” Ember asked beside her.

“Let me check,” Starlight levitated a corebook towards her. “If you take the Greatest Cleave ability, it will be better to get the sword. If you’re going to use vocal magic the halberd is better.”

So much for a having simple session. Still, ether was nothing for him to complain about. Character creation might take a bit longer than expected, but after that it would be smooth sailing. Spike climbed onto Twilight’s chair and pulled the corebook towards him.

“Okay, everypony!” He said in his most cheerful voice. “I’m glad that all of you are here.” Especially you, Rarity. “Welcome your first O&O adventure session. I’m Spike and will be your Oubliette Master.”

“How come you are the master?” Ember jumped to her feet. “I challenge you for the title! Choose your wea—“

“Begging your pardon, Ember, but Oubliette Master means that he’ll be leading the adventure,” Applejack interrupted. “As in the one setting up the challenges we must face.”

“Ah! I see.” Ember nodded. “He’s the holder of the title who’s setting up a trial for us to compete and claim it.”

“No, no, no, darling,” Rarity giggled. “We’re not competing, We’re helping each other fight anything he throws at us with style and pizzazz as we break them to pieces!”

“Yes! Now you’re talking!” Ember grinned,

“Umm, maybe before that start with creating your characters—”

“Way, ahead of you, darling. I have a complete story, description, and family tree of my character starting from—“

“—by rolling your stats.”

“Rolling stats?” Ember whispered to Starlight.

“Pfft.” Rarity waved her hoof. “Darling, please. Everypony knows that stats dilute the essence of role play. It’s all about fine descriptions, deep motivation, and romantic intrigues. Surely you won’t lead a boring stat-filled session, right Spikey-Wikey?”

“O-of course, Rarity. It’s just that...we’ll need skill checks for realism?” Spike suggested hesitantly. Receiving a reluctant nod from Rarity he mentally sighed in relief and continued. “So, everyone get three dice. Remember to choose wisely. The dice are your trusted companions that will determine your fate.”

Everyone quickly took their dice. Marble was first, taking a set of common dice, looking at them as if they were magic stones. Ember grabbed hers without a fuss, while Rarity carefully started comparing the options available. Applejack had brought Big Mac’s, and as for Starlight, she just used a spell to create a set of her own. So much like Discord, Spike thought. Of course, Discord’s dice tended to be far more unusual and dangerous. The last set ridiculed itself each time it rolled a critical miss.

“Okay, now you roll the dice and add up the results,“ Spike continued. “Do that seven times. Those are your stat numbers. You can choose which number to allocate to which stat based on—“

“Pardon me, Spike, but what is our quest?” Rarity interrupted.

“Huh?” The dragon blinked.

“We could hardly make an informed decision if we don’t know what we are supposed to do.” The white unicorn continued. “I mean, of course I’d put a lot on charisma, but there are other stats as well.”

“She’s got a point there.” Applejack looked up from her corebook. “Knowing the type of adventure would help us choose our equipment.”

“Well, we usually go on a quest to save Princess R—“ Argh! Spike abruptly stopped. His cheeks reddened as all eyes were upon him. “Well, most quests go that way.” Oh, my gems! Why did I have to slip now?!

“That might be difficult since I’ll be playing her as part of my party.” Rarity tapped her chin. “I know! This time we’ll be rescuing Spikey-Wikey. Isn’t he just the most adorable little dragon?” She rubbed his cheeks, causing the crimson to spread to his entire face. “Isn’t that right? Spikey?”

“Um, sure, Rarity.” Spike smiled.

“Saving Spike, eh? Let’s hope it doesn’t go like last time.” Applejack laughed. “Does the one who rescues him get to marry him and and claim half the kingdom?”

“Getting back to the stats,” Spike raised his voice, uncomfortable with the new direction of the conversation. “Roll three D-eight, assign, then pick the skills you wish your character to have.”

“I want Greatest Cleave!” Ember shouted. “And Shield Bash! And Fire Breathing!”

“Level one skills only,” Spike sighed. “When you get to level two you can—“

“Then why does Rarity’s character have Etiquette at level 8?” Starlight frowned.

“That’s simple, darling, it’s part of my backstory.” Rarity levitated the sketch of her character in front of Starlight’s face. “You can’t expect a princess, even a ‘Level one’, to be as unrefined as a common ruffian. And besides, having such an understanding of etiquette is bound to put us all in the good graces of other dignitaries.”

“Hmm. That’s true,” Starlight agreed. “And also it will give us a bonus in Information Gathering in high society areas. Also, if you combine it with dancing and poetry, you get two free levels on Charm and Seduction, which can use in combat to disarm an opponent.”

“Hey, I rolled three ones, is that good?” Ember asked, looking closely at her dice.

“‘Fraid not, Sugarcube. Says here that’s the lowest there is.” Applejack read. “In fact it’s so low that you must reroll your dice until the sum is six or higher. Marble, how much did... you rolled twenty-three?”

“Uh Huh.” The grey mare took the dice and rolled again. This time all three dice showed eight.

Spike closed his eyes. This was far more chaotic than he had imagined. To make things worse, he couldn’t yell at any of them as he did in his usual group. For one thing they were complete newbies, it was normal for them to make mistakes and go through all the phases. For another, he was rather fond of each and didn’t have the heart to correct them, especially Rarity. As a result, the entire party started with level ten characters, each with a full compliment of skills and equipment.

No biggie, this is just char creation, The dragon thought, flipping through his campaign notes. All he had to do was increase the NPC difficulty a bit and everything would be fine. It was a simple task. Instead of goblins they would face stone golems, possibly a dragon or two, and as for bosses, a deity avatar would provide an adequate challenge. But first, he was going to send them a small challenge. Taking a deep breath, Spike started the adventure.

“So you’re all gathered in the tavern. It has been a long, arduous journey, so you’re all very tired and—“ A polite cough interrupted Spike. “So, you’re tired and can’t wait to go to sleep in the luxurious beds of the royal tavern. You are about to go to bed, when the tavern door suddenly slams open!” Spike slammed one of the books shut, causing everything but Ember to jump, startled. “A huge rock warrior walks in the room, holding a double axe. What do you do?”

“Hello, weary traveler!” Rarity rose from her seat. “Pray, tell us what ails thee? We are but simple travelers and wish you no harm. Quite the opposite, if there is any way we could assist you in any way, we will gladly be at your disposal, for our quest is to find the beautiful Prince Spike, and rescue him from a face worse than death!”

“The rock warrior ignores you completely.” Spike grinned.

“He dares ignore me?” Rarity’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I’ll show that grotesque pile of rubble what what happens to those that ignore me!” She hissed through her teeth.

“I draw my sword and attack him!” Ember rubbed her hands.

“Roll an attack die.”

The die was almost throne across the table... resulting on it showing a two.

“That’s not what I wanted to roll!” Ember quickly snatched the die again, “it clearly slipped from my hand. This time I’ll make the real roll!” The die fell on a one. “Argh!” She slapped her forehead.

“Ember swings at the rock warrior, but slips and drops her sword,” Spike glanced at his aid table. The battle initiative of the party was there, along with that of every NPC of the campaign. “Combat has started. Each of you now have a combat and a free action per turn. First to act is Starlight.”

“I cast Oxen Strength, Fire Hoof, Elemental Protection, and Bloodlust on my character.” The unicorn checked her character sheet. “I also stand two meters away, to gain an attack of opportunity if he moves.”

“Err, you can’t cast four buffs on you...”

“Sure I can.” Starlight smirked. “I combine Fast Talking with Arcane Rights. Since I have over eight levels on either skill, they can quadruple the amount of buff I can cast, as long as I’m the target.”

Spike winced. He didn’t like the practice of min-maxing, but Starlight used it to perfection. A quick check revealed she was indeed correct.

“The rock warrior feels threatened by Starlight’s actions and takes a step back.”

“While he is confused I move quietly beside him, brushing my mane along him, then when he’s distracted I kick the axe out of his hands!” Rarity almost growled

Scary. Spike swallowed. “Umm, you successfully disarm the warrior. Yet are unable to do anything else. Applejack?”

“Can I use all my action to tell Marble something?” The orange mare kept on looking into Big Mac’s bestiary supplement.

“Umm. I guess.” Spike shrugged.

“In that case, I tell her that the rock warrior is in fact a jade warrior and has a weak spot at the base of the neck, under the ear. One critical hit there and the monster will be as good as dead, I reckon,”

“Uh huh.” Marble Pie nodded and rolled the dice. All three of them landed on an eight.

“Critical success,” Spike announced. “Now you need to roll again and confirm the result.”

Marble rolled again—another twenty-four, that almost got Spike screaming in despair. One round, one round was all it took for his brilliantly crafted scene to be over. The minion was supposed to be indestructible. Spike had planned to use it to show the party how not everything could be resolved through brute strength. Instead, the girls were cheering, pleased with their first victory.

Stay calm, Spike. The dragon flipped through his list of monsters. Flukes happen. Besides this was just a lowly minion at the start of the adventure. It’s normal for him to be destroyed by beginners luck. There’s still a whole army of monsters, plus Grizwald the Black. He glanced at the party. Every one of them seemed so happy, enjoying the feeling of their “first blood”. Spike smiled. Even if this wasn’t the result he wanted, at least he had managed to get them involved in O&O.

Well, the show must go on. Spike smiled as he started selecting monsters for the group’s next encounter. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

Walking Through The Forest

“So you’re walking through the forest.” Spike looked over the OM screen. “The birds have become suspiciously quiet. The sun has started its way beneath the horizon. After ten minutes the path will be difficult to make out. What do you do?”

“I fly above to make sure that there’s nothing threatening in the area!” Ember announced. “And if I see anything threatening I beat it up!” She slammed her fist on the table. “Actually—” She scratched her chin. “—if I see something non-threatening I beat it up as well!”

Spike wanted to sigh. Half an hour playing and she still couldn’t get the hang of things. It wasn’t that Ember wasn’t into the game. On the contrary, she’d quickly become engaged in it. However, she still couldn’t distinguish between herself and her character. All attempts on Spike’s part to explain her character didn’t have her real life skills had fallen on deaf ears. Ultimately, it had been far painless just to change her character to a fire-breathing bat pony dragon paladin, even if it was a prestige class, and get on with the adventure.

“You need to do a spot check to find threats,” Starlight whispered. “Since you’re in the air and have the night vision trait, you should get a bonus of plus four. And if you combine that with the prestige bonus and level boost, that gives a total of plus seven.”

Damnit, Starlight! Spike glared at the pony. It was bad enough she had used the excuse that characters started at level ten to create a Minstrel Mage hybrid with virtually every non-specialized spell and advantage in the book. Even more annoying, she would constantly “give advice” to other players, ruining several of Spike’s cunning traps.

“Nice!” Ember grabbed the die and tossed it on the table. “Take that, hidden monsters!”

All eyes were on the die. It spun a few times, passing through the aether image of Canterlot, then stopped on a one.

“Argh!” Ember growled. “Reroll!”

“Don’t think that would be a good idea, sugarcube.” Applejack shook her head. “Says here you can only use the skill three times per day. I reckon best save it for a battle when you really need it. There are some pretty tough critters in this here forest. You never know if we won’t be attacked by a Timberwolf pack during the night.”

“Well, I think that rolling is vulgar!” Rarity humphed. “Anypony could roll dice. It takes real skill to describe your actions. For example, how are you flying over the forest, what are you looking for? Was there anything in your backstory that would give you enough experience and understanding to know what would stand out?”

“That would still require a roll, Rarity.” Starlight giggled. “Although, you’re right. Backstory would have given another plus two. Wouldn’t have mattered, though, not on a critical fail.”

“You fly a few times over the trees,” Spike raised his voice. “You see a few birds and squirrels, but you are convinced that there’s nothing dangerous or threatening.”

“Great! I quickly fly back to the group and warn them of the danger!” Ember grabbed her character sheet.

“Wait? What?” Spike blinked. “What danger?”

“You said I’m convinced there is no danger.” Ember looked at him with a triumphant smile. “Yet because I rolled a critical fail, I know that’s wrong, so there is a danger! Hmm. I think I’ll burn a few trees down so we could make—“

“What?” Spike jumped. “You can’t do that!”

“Why not?” Ember raised an eyebrow.

“Your character is convinced that everything is fine. So you can’t be alarmed that everything is fine.”

“But I know I rolled a critical.” Ember crossed her arms. “As you’ve kept reminding me every time I roll the dice, a one means a failure regardless of skills or stats.”

“Yes, but you can’t...” Spike was at a lack of words. This was not how the game was supposed to be played! In-character and out-of-character knowledge were supposed to be treated separately. Everyone was supposed to know that! Why are you doing this to me?! Spike wanted to cry. He liked having Ember in the party, but the constant arguments were driving him insane, and he didn’t want to upset her by pointing that out. It was so much easier with his usual group. There he could shout at anyone without feeling bad. “You see—“

“What Spike is trying to say is that you have to live your character, darling,” Rarity came to the rescue. “Picture the scene. You have just done a few quick sweeps above the trees. You’ve focused on spotting any threat, awake that our encounter in the inn is likely to have alerted our enemies to our presence. We are about to sleep in a dangerous, and frankly filthy, forest full of dangers, so have been paying special attention not to miss a thing. And after your flight you’ve failed to see anything. That is what your character experiences. She hasn’t seen a huge die roll in front of her.”

Oh, Rarity. Thanks for the support. Spike’s smile widened as he melted behind the screen.

“Oh, it’s the feelings thing again.” Ember frowned. “So, I land back near you girls and say that I didn’t notice anything.” Her forehead was burning red with effort. “But!” She took a deep breath. “I still think we must make a barricade in case we’re attacked.”

“Well done!” Rarity clopped her hooves. “That was magnificent, darling! I almost couldn’t have done better myself!”

“Yes, good thinking.” Starlight nodded. “In character and we still get a plus two bonus on initiative rolls if attacked because we’re prepared!”

“Argh!” Spike raised his arms.

I take back everything I said about Discord! He’s definitely not the worst rules abuser! Starlight is! If Trixie hadn’t agreed— The sudden thought of Trixie sent shivers down his spine. If she had been a substitute things would have been intolerable. Besides, these were the usual growing pains of a new group. The only reason Spike was so annoyed was because he didn’t expect them to be so good at it… and it was difficult arguing with ponies he felt close to. Rarity remained his one true love, but he had a few minor crushes on the everyone in this room as well.

“Anyway,” Spike cleared his throat, pulling the screen closer so as to hide the blush on his cheeks. “What will you do?”

“If you ask me, Marble should look around,” Applejack said. “She’s always good at finding stuff. Besides, she might find some rare herbs I could use to make one of them potion things.”

Enter the expert druid. Unlike the other characters, Applejack had remained with a non-prestigious class. Unfortunately, she made up for that by knowing the bestiary by heart. As much as Spike hated to admit it, she knew more about the lore than him at this point, plus was also rather familiar with the rules. The dragon now regretted letting her read through the Master’s Guide. And of course, there was Marble Pie—the scariest of them all. She didn’t have any knowledge of O&O, had selected a simple Monk class, didn’t engage in any out-of-character behavior, or in-character behavior for that matter... instead, she’d always roll a critical success when needed. Minions, traps, monsters, all had proven powerless against her luck.

“Uh huh.” Marble nodded and rolled a twenty.

Of course it’s a success. Spike wanted to cry. There went another carefully crafted encounter.

“You’re convinced that there are no monsters or dangers of any type.” Spike sighed. “And you find—“ he rolled a die “—three Moondusk flowers in the area nearby.”

“Mighty thanks, Marble. With that I’ll be able to make some magic potions, I reckon.”

“That would be rather useful, darling, but maybe you could also make some mane glistening potion as well?” Rarity interrupted. “We shall, after all, be going far and wide throughout this land, and it would simply be scandalous if we didn’t look our best! Why—” she gasped “—what if some prince or noble sees me in this wretched state?!”

“An outright tragedy.” Applejack narrowed her eyes.

“Well, excuse me for being concerned about the image of our group!”

“Party,” Starlight corrected.

“Party!” Rarity said, giving Starlight a side glare. “I don’t have anything against you having lower social standards, but unless we impress the correct ponies, we won’t stand out among the dozens other groups... parties—” she corrected herself “—competing with us. The very least you could do is make a few mane potions before going on with your usual dice-roll enhancements.” Rarity waved a hoof.

Uh-oh! Spike felt his scales itch. He had seen enough arguments to know where this was going. The only reason there weren’t too many conflicts during character creation was because Rarity was busy editing her character's backstory while Applejack was reading the O&O bestiary.

“It is starting to get dark!” Spike said quickly. “The sun has gone beneath the horizon. In a few minutes night will fall, leaving you stranded in the forest. What do you do?”

“I start bashing down trees so we can fortify our position!” Ember immediately said and rolled a die.

“Really?” Spike narrowed his eyes. “You can’t just start bashing down trees as if they’re toothpicks. That would be impo—“

The die landed on a one. Ember looked at it, then at Spike, then grabbed the die and hid it behind her back.

“You said I couldn’t do it!” Ember snapped. “So I don’t do it!”

“I reckon we should start a campfire,” Applejack mused. “And get our tents ready. There’s no telling what the evil whatshername sent after us. Also I reckon some of those food rations would be mighty tasty about now.”

“That’s actually a good idea for once,” Rarity said, examining her hoof. “We could use some sleep and continue in the morning. After all, it’s a long way to...” her words trailed off. Rarity glanced at the ceiling, tapping her lip. “Where are we going exactly?”

Everyone looked at each other. A large smile crept onto Spike’s face as he slid down behind the screen. Finally! Few things warmed an OM’s heart as a party’s realization they had messed up. Spike was no exception. When they had left the inn and headed for the forest he had chucked at their lack fore-planning. Snickering, he glanced at his list of NPC monsters.

“We’re off to destroy Grizwald the Black and rescue Prince Spike!” Ember said, ending the phrase with a snicker.

“Yes, of course.” Rarity covered her mouth with her hoof. Giggling filled the hall. “But where are we off to exactly? I mean do we even know where Grizwald is hiding?”

“I roll Bardic Knowledge!” Starlight said and levitated a die in the air. It spun several times before landing on a thirteen.

“You remember several tales about Grizwald having a hiding place in the volcano mountain of Xordorf, the pirate island in the Shark Archipelago, and several in the desert fireforests to the south.” Spike rubbed his hands. Nice try, Starlight. I, however, am the master! “There’s no telling if any of them are true. Maybe they all are? Maybe you shouldn’t have killed the rock minion in the inn?” He snickered.

“Yeah.” Starlight frowned. “Maybe we should have searched him for clues before we set off.”

“I search him now!” Ember announced.

“Ha! You can’t searchhim now.” Spike grinned. He was expecting such a reaction. “I do not allow for time jumping in my sessions. If you forget to do something at the appropriate time, you never get to do it. You cannot go back in time. And before you ask—“ he turned to Starlight “—there is no time magic in this universe! Only two deities can do that, and neither of them will appear in this campaign.”

“Okay, I still search him.” Ember crossed her arms. “I don’t need to roll for searching, right?”

“Well, you actually do.” Spike tried to limit his enthusiasm. “But it doesn’t matter since you don’t have the body of—“

“Why not?” Ember interrupted.

“Seriously? You’ve been traveling with the body of a rock warrior all this time?”

“Yeah, I carry the bodies of everything we defeated! The rock warrior, those three thieves, that moose...”

“Huh?” The image of Ember trotting through the forest with a pile of dead bodies on her back popped up in Spike’s mind. Would she continue piling them there until they were too wobbly to carry? Or maybe she’ll have Applejack build a cart for her to carry more? “Um, no!” The dragon whelp snapped out of it. “You can’t carry all those!”

“Why not? I have the strength for it. I checked!”

“She does.” Starlight nodded. “With her stats and perks she could carry a mountain if she wanted. Not that I hope we'll have to.”

Drat! “She didn’t mention picking any of them up?” Spike said, in a hopeful voice.

In truth he had no memory if she had or not. Keeping track of the conversation was a difficult task, especially since he had to constantly to juggle ideas to keep the campaign from falling apart. Originally, they weren’t supposed to go through any forest. After the initial encounter at the in, the party was supposed to have been taken prisoner on an airship that would be attacked by pirates, thus ensuring their escape.

Maybe I could still have them get kidnapped? Spike opened his premium edition Advanced Campaign Manual. There had to be something about suddenly kidnapping a party in the middle of a scene.

“Must I describe every little thing?” Ember slammed her fists on the table. “I’m a dragon! Dragons hoard! It’s the same like coming across a chest of treasure. I don’t have to say I take it, I just do!”

“Ember, darling, remember your character actions.” Rarity nudged. “I know it could be annoying and I’m sure that Spikey-Wikey will make an exception and let you keep one of the bodies, for the sake of the campaign’s plot. Right?” She batted her eyes.

Spike knew Rarity’s reaction was an attempt to manipulate him into agreeing to Ember’s request. And yet he could also concede the point. It would let me add some roleplay hooks, he reasoned. A game is for the players. And there’s nothing much they could do with the body of the rock giant...

“Okay,” Spike cleared his throat. There was a slight burning sensation in his cheeks he decided to ignore. “You search the body of the rock warrior, which you’ve been carrying,” he stressed. His attempt at guilt failed completely, as Ember was busy practice rolling the die. “You find a—“

“Stop!” Ember shouted, causing Spike to jump off his chair and fall to the ground, still gripping the advanced manual. “I want her to search!” She pointed at Marble. “Umm... as a token of trust in order to strengthen the bonds between us.”

Worst roleplay ever! Even Discord would be more logical. Then again, it wasn’t like the action would change the outcome by much. Even at a critical success, it was impossible to get more than there was. Spike was going to throw in a few coins, possibly a useless ring to add some mystery. Knowing the group they’d be arguing for hours what to do with the ring, explore its backstory, invent a character it belonged to... Nope! Totally skipping the ring! He stood up and brushed off his scales. After carefully inspecting the manual for scratches and bent edges, he climbed back on the stone chair, letting out a mental sigh of relief.

“Go ahead,” Spike said.

Marble barely tossed the die when it landed on a nineteen. Spike arched a brow. He had prepared for a critical success.

“Marble searches through the remains of the warrior... which Ember has been carrying all this time for no apparent reason.” Spike glanced at Ember. “She finds a scroll, a pouch of coins—fifty coppers and seven silvers, to be exact—and a ring.” What?! No! I didn’t mean to say that! He quickly turned to Rarity to correct his mistake; alas, he could see it was too late. The sparkle in her eyes was a clear indication of the doom to come.

“What can you tell me about that ring, darling?” Rarity smiled like a Timberwolf to a chicken.

“Bardic knowledge,” Starlight said, rolling a die.

“I reckon I’ll be setting up the campfire and cooking up potions with Marble while you three be investigating.” Applejack pulled her character sheet closer. “What do I need to roll for a fancy shampoo?”

“Umm, Umm, Umm!” Spike flicked through the pages. Inventory, inventory, inventory... “It’s an ordinary golden ring. No gem or anything on it. You could find the same in every shop or bazaar.”

“Aha!” Rarity half jumped on the table. “Oh, you’re so clever, Spikey-Wikey.” She smiled. “Trying to fool us that it’s a useless common item. Clearly the ring was given to the rock warrior by Grizwald himself to serve as a means of identification! Since Grizwald’s spies have filled the land like mushrooms after a storm, there must be a way for them to recognize each other. Whoever possesses the ring has the authority to give orders to our enemy’s lowest minions!”

“Wow!” Ember blinked. “That is a devious plan. I bet that Grizwald is a pony! Dragons would never resort to something as useless. Good work, Rarity! I would totally have missed that.”

“Well, I know a thing or two about roleplay, darling,” Rarity said with faux humility. “One of the golden rules is to pass off something valuable as something simple. You wouldn’t believe the amount of things I’ve kept safe from Sweetie Belle by making her take care of them.”

“Hmm. Maybe I should try it with Apple Bloom.” Applejack scratched her chin.

“You really should, darling. Trust me, your life will not be the same after you do. You’ll be wondering how you managed to survive without using this simple trick.”

“Ahem.” Starlight tapped on the table with her hoof. “I’m sure this is very interesting and useful advice, but maybe it can wait until after the game?” Both Rarity and Applejack looked away, slightly flustered. “For the moment, we need to decide what to do with the ring and the letter. I cast detect magic on both.” She rolled a die, resulting in an lowly ten.

That was close! Spike could feel the sweat form on his forehead. From next campaign he was going to make special erratas for both bardic knowledge and detect magic, maybe even identify. It was scary how overpowered Starlight managed to make them. The authors definitely never had her in mind when composing the rules.

“You don’t sense any magic in the ring,” Spike ventured. “It’s just a cheap ring. You can literally find it in every—“

“Darling, of course you won’t be able to detect anything.” Rarity smirked. “If It were that easy, somepony else would have done it already. And I’m sure that Spikey-Wikey is too clever to give us any easy clues.” She winked at Spike, making him forget his train of thought. “I think Marble should examine it!”

“Argh!” Spike said at the feeling of sudden betrayal. “Fiiine.” He sighed. “Marble notices a secret inscription on the inside written in invisible runes.” I can always think what the runes do later. “The runes are of no recognizable language or school of magic.” He glared at Starlight.

“Good work, darling,” Rarity whispered to Marble who offered a shy smile, not even having rolled the dice.

“The letter explains how in order for Grizwald’s plan to work, all adventurer groups must be discouraged from reaching the kingdom of Draconia, and that—”

“Pfft!” Applejack snickered.

“—and that the Seeker must be found without fail. No money or force is to be spared, but it’s important that the Seeker must be brought alive and unharmed.”

Spike grinned behind his game screen. He could almost imagine the amount of chaos this new bit of information would create, finally moving them from wrecking his setup onto internal arguments. When he had done something similar to his usual group, they had spent days arguing what to do next. Discord had turned himself into a crate in protest, Big Mac had started quoting obscure rules, and—

“I’ll go get firewood for the campfire,” Ember said. “Oh, and while I do it, I constantly look about, ready in case something weird happens or someone tries to surprise me.”

“I reckon I’ll start making the... mane potions.” Applejack gave Rarity a distinct side glare. The white unicorn clopped her hooves. “Maybe a healing potion besides.”

“I guess I’ll spend the night learning some spells for tomorrow.” Starlight started looking through the magic manual.

“Huh?!” Spike blinked.

This wasn’t supposed to happen! There were supposed to start arguing between themselves, fighting whether to reach the Draconian capital or set off to search for the Seeker. It was the most basic thing that any party would do! Seven issues of O&O Mastery describes this in great detail, going down to the depths of player psychology. There was no way the group should react in such a way. It was almost as if… they were entirely disinterested.

“Spikey-Wikey?” Rarity asked. “Is everything the alright? You seem rather worried.”

“I, err...” Spike’s words trailed off. Only now did he realize that he had knocked the game screen down, leaving himself vulnerable to outside glances, not to mention that part of his extremely secret notes were also in view.

“I suppose it’s to be expected,” Starlight sighed as she closed the manual. Spike’s cheeks turned pink. “Twilight warned me this might happen. It’s the same every time he gets too engaged in his adventuring. He’d focus so much on the story that he’d completely forget about food and drink and then end up fainting mid-session.”

What?! That’s not true! Spike’s entire face was flustered with shame. One time, he had fainted one time after an eleven hour session... and that was due to lack of sleep, not hunger! But of course Twilight would happen to walk in right then and jump to her crazy conclusions. None of the players thought it was worrisome or even weird, yet Twilight had put her hoof down, breaking the unspoken rule of “no food during playing.”

“Oh, poor thing!” Rarity levitated him closer so she could offer a supportive hug.

Umm, actually I could live with that. Spike forgot all his protests. Rules were meant to be broken, after all. And it had always been more of a guideline than anything. Everyone knew that snakes didn’t count as real food, as long as none of the manuals, maps, and miniatures got any stains.

“Come to think of it, this is a good time to pause for a bite.” Ember rolled three dice. “We’re setting up camp, we’re about chill and have a bite in game…” The sum total was five. “Argh!” She slapped her face. “I didn’t start setting the fire yet!”

“Why, Ember!” Rarity almost shrieked, as she let go of Spike leaving him to drop on the table. “You actually engaged in some roleplay! I’m so proud of you!”

Yeah, sure. Spike rattled his claws upon the table. It was cool to see Ember put in some effort, though. And I did get a free hug out of it... maybe taking a break won’t be such a bad thing. Besides, it will let me plan a surprise sneak attack when they least expect it. The dragon’s smile curved into a grin. Just you, wait, players! Soon you’ll find out that your souls are mine! ...Right after I have sapphire cookies.

Backstories and Bickering

“So, what happens when we find what’s-his-name?” Ember asked, chomping into the bowl of gems, careful not to eat the spoon in the process. “I mean, we defeat him, sure, but then what? Force him to submit? Make him a vassal? Kill him?”

“Ember, darling, you’re still looking at it from a completely wrong perspective.” Rarity chuckled. “Starlight, could you pass the sugar, please?” She took a small bite of her cake, then wiped her lips with a napkin just as Starlight levitated the sugar bowl to her. “Thank you ever so much.” Rarity levitated two sugar cubes into her cocoa. “Don’t keep thinking this as an enemy to defeat. Think of it as someone we must reform.” She took a sip. “We could track down Grizwald, defeat all his minions, pass through his traps—” Rarity levitated a third sugarcube from the bowl “—and kill him.” The sugarcube snapped in two above her drink, making Spike wince at the thought. “Or we could help the poor unfortunate soul by showing him the error of his ways and make him our devoted friend and servant.”

Spike cringed. At the moment, he couldn’t tell which was worse. The mental image of the evil end-boss running around after them like a clumsy servant seemed terribly wrong. Then again, it was something he could see Rarity going for.

“Well, it’ll be mighty tricky to get that rotten apple to reform,” Applejack after taking a bite of her apple fritter. “With all them towns he’s enslaved and adventurers hurt, I don’t reckon if them critters will be happy to see him again.”

“Nonsense, darling!” Rarity took another sip. “Once we find the prince, everything will turn out splendidly. Then we show the villain the error of his ways, by defeating and publicly humiliating him, after which he will beg to be reformed.”

“Snrk.” Starlight snickered. “If only It were that easy.”

“Why not, darling?” Rarity glanced at her in the mist innocent fashion. “It wouldn’t be the first time someone who nearly destroyed Equestria redeemed herself.”

“Yeah...” Starlight narrowed her eyes. “Thank you for reminding me.”

“My pleasure, darling.”

“You ponies are weird.” Ember shook her head then threw another few gems in her mouth. “So, what do we do when we wake up? I want to find a shop and get—”

“Ahem!” Applejack cleared her throat.

“And buy some new armor and weapons. These hoofblade things look nice, and Starlight told me I have a thingy that lets me use them thanks to Weapon Finesse.”

Of course she would. Spike pushed away his bowl of gems. His appetite had just vanished. If he could think of an excuse to have everyone redo there characters he would, yet that would cause chaos. Besides, all Rarity had to do was ask that she keep her current character and he would capitulate.

Come to think of it. A sly grin appeared on his face. Maybe there was a way for him to achieve that without taking any risks.

“Umm, girls?” Spike started in his most casual fashion. “I was just wondering. What are your backstories? I mean it isn’t a big deal, but—”

“Back what now?” Applejack arched a brow. “Are you talking about that character memory stuff? I told you my character is a hard working Druid that used to grow herbs and—”

“Yep, you definitely did.” Several times. “But I can’t seem to remember anything else.” Spike looked at his claws. “Like your name, your parents, and stuff.”

“Oh, shucks, I didn’t know you were interested in all that.” Applejack blushed slightly. “When I asked Big Mac, he told me you didn’t like characters with long histories.”

“He did?” Spike stiffened. Traitor! You can forget about getting good loot the next five sessions! “Well, err...” Droplets of sweat covered his face. It didn’t help that everyone was looking at him, silently waiting for him to finish his phrase. “I mean, surely your backstory is far more interesting than his.”

“Aww, how sweet of you, Spikey-Wikey,” Rarity giggled. “Well, I have some experience in creating interesting characters. If the fashion muse hadn’t grabbed me, I could have had a fabulous future in theatre.”

“Begging your pardon, Rarity, but I think Spike was talking about my character,” Applejack said with a slight snort.

“Yes, of course, darling.” Rarity waved a dismissive hoof. “The backstory I wrote for your character, I meant.”

“Yeah...” Applejack glanced at the sheets of paper in front of her, all written in Rarity’s particularly curved penmanship. “I’m thankful to you, but I have a story of my own.”

Ember dropped her bowl and stared at Applejack with the same astonished look as everyone else. So far, they had been playing for several hours and not once had Applejack referenced her character’s past in any specific fashion. The detailed—and overly tragico-romantic—version Rarity had written during character creation had remained unused. Spike, along with everyone, had assumed that Applejack wasn’t one for roleplay, focusing on crafting instead.

Spike shuffled from foot to foot. This wasn’t what he had expected. There were dozens of reasons for him to change the subject, or drop the matter altogether. However, he couldn’t.

“So?” The purple dragon swallowed. “What is your—”

“Hey, are you going to finish those?” Ember interrupted, pointing at his bowl.

“Umm, go ahead.” Spike pushed it towards her.

“Now, this is my first character story, so don’t be too harsh, y’all.” A slight blush appeared on Applejack’s cheeks. “But don’t go sparing me. If you think it’s lipstick on a swine, y’all better tell me straight!”

“But of course, darling!” Rarity said loudly, just as she gave Spike a warning look. If you make any mean comments, I’ll be very disappointed, her glance said, making the dragon gulp and nod. “Please, let us hear your chef d'oeuvre.”

Near perfect silence filled the room, broken only by Ember’s munching. Applejack took a deep breath, glanced at the character sheet in front of her, then pushed it to the side.

“Applemoon was born in a small village farm during the great winter in the year of the leaf,” she began. “Her parents, being simple folk, lived according to them old druid rules passed down from mother to daughter. They always respected the land, taking only as much as they needed and giving everything else back, like proper druids.”

Year of the leaf? Spike discreetly took reached for his campaign manual. He couldn’t remember there being any year of the leaf, but he also couldn’t be sure there wasn’t. It would put him in a bad spot if it turned out that players knew more about the lore than him. Was it the Savage Gardens line? Or maybe Pirate Seas?

“Now, the day that Applemoon was born was mighty special. It was told by the olden ponies that only once every hundred years would a bright red moon fill the sky.” Applejack’s voice became slightly softer. “On that night—the most special of all nights—everything would grow ten times faster than it would. And all critters would forget any thoughts of evil and—”

Definitely Savage Gardens! I remember the red moon ritual. Spike flipped the pages.

“And should someone be born at that there night, they would—”

“Umm, not to trouble you darling, but I promised to help Sweetie Belle with her homework,” Rarity interrupted. “I very much admire your artistic flare and attention to detail, but if you don’t go a teensy bit faster, we’ll sitting here until dusk.”

Applejack paused, glared at the unicorn, then cleared her throat.

“Since the filly was born on that there night, her parents chose to give her a name that would remind everyone she was special,” Applejack continued. “And since they were simple folk that had an orchard, they named—”

“Hold on!” Starlight said. “Where did the orchard come from? Didn’t you say they were druids?”

“They always had an orchard! Been in the family for generations! Ever since them early days,” Applejack explained, a hint of annoyance in her voice. “And as I said, they just followed them druid doodads.”

“So your parents were druid farmers?” Starlight scratched her chin.

“Darling, you look at things so literally.” Rarity smiled. “What Applejack is trying to say, and which is very important, I might add, is that she was born in a humble family of farmers that respected the druidic ways.”

“Hmm. I guess that makes sense...”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell y’all!” Applejack grumbled. “Humble farmers. Decent folk. And they gave her the name because of the great red moon that appeared in apple season.”

“When did it become apple season?” Starlight blinked.

“Applemoon,” Applejack said through her teeth, “grew a simple life. As the oldest of seven, and the only mare, it became her task to take care of the farm and all them chores.”

“Seven?!” Starlight’s ears perked up.

“Mhm.” Marble nodded.

“She’s in a family of seven?” Starlight turned to the grey earth pony.

“Mhm.” Marble smiled.

“I must have missed that...” Starlight scratched her horn, confused.

“And then—” Applejack darted a disapproving glare at the pair “—after defeating the stick witch and restoring the forest, the order of Moon Druids reckoned she’d be mighty useful to the world, and took her in to teach her their ways. There, Applemoon spent seven long years, learning about herbs and critters until the day came for her to go into the world.”

Applejack exhaled heavily, wiped the sweat off her forehead with a hoof and looked around. Spike stared back, his mouth wide open.

“Thanks, AJ. That was...” Terrible! Like, really, really awful! Just as bad as Big Mac! The only time his characters had any good story was when he asked Applebloom to write it for him! “That was very...”

“Heartfelt, darling.” Rarity came to the rescue. “I honestly could feel everything going through the character’s mind, as if I were there.”

“Well, I think it needs more fighting.” Ember grabbed the last gems from Spike’s bowl. “Those seven years with the druids, did she fight any monsters? The stick witch is a nice touch, but it’s just one.”

“Oh, there were many Timberwolves that got a beating.” Applejack beamed. “And werebears. I told Marble the entire story while we were coming here. Ain’t that right, Marble?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, I think it was a magnificent attempt, darling.” Rarity clopped her hooves. “There’s a lot of potential. You just need to take some time and iron out a few details and it would be a most magnificent character story.”

“Aww, shucks.” Applejack’s cheeks turned bright red. “You reckon?”

“Oh, absolutely, darling. Just remember, put in as much effort as you do on your farm. It takes a lot to fix every small thing, but it will definitely be worth it.”

“I’m so lost,” Starlight sighed. “Maybe I’m just not into the roleplay aspect of the game yet...”

“There, there, darling. Not everypony is a natural. You just need a few sessions to get into it.”

A few sessions? Spikes heart skipped a beat. The idea of starting a second group—this group—tempted and terrified him at the same time. On the one hand, it was a dream come true: Rarity was here, along with several other ponies he really liked. On the other, the chaos their lack of experience and system abuse created was... Think of the positives, think of the positives! Spike shook his head violently. All new groups are like that. Even Discord was meh when he first joined. In truth, Discord had gotten into the spirit of things quite faster.

“So... shall we continue?” Spike put the campaign manual away, pulling up his OM screen.

“Almost ready.” Rarity took another sip of her tea. “It is uncouth to rush. Not to mention, it will diminish the roleplay experience.”

“I still think we should beat up the evil end villain.” Ember slammed her fists on the map, making the entire table tremble. “Afterwards we can make him our slave.”

“Reform him, darling,” Rarity corrected.

“Yeah, that!” The blue dragon nodded. “Do we do the same with the prince?”

“Huh? Why would we be beat up the prince?” Applejack blinked. “That’s not very neighborly.”

“Not beat up.” Ember laughed. “Will we make him our slave? That’s what they are for, right? Or is it different for ponies?”

“Ember, you are a riot.” Starlight chuckled behind her hoof. “We don’t do that anymore. He’ll just marry one of us and live happily ever after. That’s what usually happens in stories.”

“Umm, which one of us?” A timid voice asked.

This was the first time Marble had composed a full sentence of her own free will, and it gathered everyone’s attention. However, Spike could also sense that the owner of the question wasn’t the only thing that stood out. After a few hours of play, the group had now reached the expected, if unfortunate, moment of loot squabbling. Sooner or later every party got there—usually upon discovering their first non-class-specific unique item. Spike had witnessed horrors with his usual group. One time Big Mac and Discord stopped talking to each other for a week, because they couldn’t decide who should get the Horseshoe of Swiftness that the quest had awarded the party. Things had gotten so bad that Spike had been forced to duplicate the item and let each of them have it. And that was just a horseshoe!

“Anyway,” the purple dragon quickly said. “You have to find and defeat Grizwald first. And that’s not an easy task, for he has armies of spies and minions ready to stop any adventurer sent his way.”

“Hmm.” Rarity mused, hoof on her chin. “Yes, there is that. Good thinking, Spikey-Wikey.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Phew. That was close. Spike let out a sigh of relief. Although, it did give him an idea. Heh, heh, heh. I think it’s time for hidden messages.

“So, what’s your background?” Ember turned to Starlight.

“Oh, nothing much.” The purple unicorn, levitated her sheet to the dragon. “I usually base it on the skill I have chosen for my character. That way there’s a logical explanation for why I know what I know.”

“That’s actually quite smart,” Spike said. It sounded like something Twilight would do. Like teacher, like student, it seemed.

“And I also get an additional plus two bonus on rolls, since my skills are also considered trained.”

“I should have known,” Spike grumbled, tapping his claws on the table.

“Hardly an elegant way to make a background, darling.” Rarity scuffed. “It’s the background that determines what skills you have, not the other way around. Why, that would be like saying that I only got my cutie mark because I wanted to enter the world of fashion.”

“Technically, Rarity, you did get your cutie mark because you were interested in fashion,” Starlight noted. “If you weren’t, you would have received a different cutie mark, so in the end it’s all the same. Since my character has the skills that she does, it’s normal for her to have been developing them since birth, because it was her destiny to have them in the present even if she consciously didn’t know it at the time.”

“Say what now?” Applejack arched a brow.

“Let me try to explain.” Starlight levitated several dice in front of her. “Everypony’s cutie mark determines what a pony is good at.” The unicorn cleared a space on the table and put a six-sided die there. “That is determined at birth, even if the pony doesn’t know it yet. As she grows older, she excels in that, because it’s one of the things she loves doing.” She placed another die on top. “And because she loves doing it, she does it a lot.” Another six sided die was put on the tower. “And a lot.” A fourth one was added. “Until one day, she discovers that it’s her calling.” Starlight placed a four sided die on the top. “And she earns her cutie mark. Now, you can say that she started doing what she liked because her cutie mark told her so, or that she got her cutie mark in what she loved to do. Both things are equally true.”

Utter silence filled the room. The explanation made just enough sense that keep the conscious mind from outright rejecting it, yet not enough to render it understandable. As a result, it stirred about in a state of mental limbo, until finally fading away to the “that happened” area of the brain.

“If I make a backstory it will be epic with lots of fighting,” Ember said after a while. “Lots of looting, pillaging, a few duels and mortal enemies...” she started enumerating.

“Ember, darling, we’re supposed to be the good ones?” Rarity reminded.

“So?” Ember stares at her. “I’ll only loot and pillage bad guys. Like what’s-his-name. Before we reform him, we’ll beat up his minions and get his treasure, right?”

“Mhm.” Marble nodded.

“Well, I suppose we can make some use of the treasure,” Rarity hesitantly agreed.

“We’ll be returning it to the folk that thieving villain stole it from!” Applejack stomped on the floor. “Maybe use some to repair a few villages and get them farms fixed up.”

“Possibly save a bit for culture, darling. After we defeat Grizwald, someone will have to replace his atrocious fashion sense with something more heroic and becoming.”

“Marble, does your character have a backstory?” Starlight wondered.

“Mhm,” the grey mare nodded.

“Well, I’m hoarding my share of the treasure.” Ember crossed her arms. “And that’s final! You can—” she stopped, briskly turning towards Marble. “Wait, what? You have a backstory?” She flapped her wings. “Tell!”

“Nuh uh!” Marble hid behind her hooves.

“Huh?” Ember blinked. “Is that a pony thing?”

“Mighty sorry there, Ember, but Marble ain’t all too comfortable talking with ponies, or dragons, she’s seen for the first time,” Applejack said tapping Marble on the shoulder. “It’s pretty impressive that she’s opened so much to y’all so fast.”

“Well, I am quite impressive.” The blue dragon extended her wings, nearly knocking several of Spike’s treasured miniatures off the table, forcing him to leap on the floor, just in case one of them fell. “What about you, Spike?” Ember then looked down at him, as if nothing had happened. “What’s your backstory?”

Spike blinked, then stood up and blinked some more.

“Umm, I don’t have a backstory.” Silly newbies. “Everyone knows that.” He smirked, climbing back into his seat.

“Why don’t you have a backstory?” Ember inquired further. “All of us have one, why not you?”

“Umm, because I’m the OM?” He offered a tense smile. “I don’t have a character, so I don’t have a backstory.”

“Aren’t you the prince?” A set of purple flames emerged from Ember’s nostrils.

“Umm... maybe?” Spike hesitated.

“Actually, Ember makes a good point,” Rarity chimed in. “What is the story of the prince we’re about to rescue, Spikey-Wikey?” She smiled, providing him with a false sense of security. “We do have to know that since we’re risking our lives to rescue him, after all. It’s only proper etiquette.”

“Umm...” Think, Spike, think!

There were a number of options available. Spike could do a mirror of Rarity’s character, but that might make things rather weird, especially since she would hear them. Another option was to go with the glass prince they had fought in that one sidequest last month. Technically, the prince was a villain who was set on destroying the party, but he was a prince.

Argh! The purple dragon grabbed his head. Neither of those would do! And he couldn’t pick a character from the campaign manual out of fear that Applejack might recognize it.

“Umm, the prince was an only child...” That’s usually a good start. “And very much beloved by his people... Umm...”

“Hold on!” Starlight raised her voice. “He was beloved since he was a foal?!”

“Whelp,” Spike corrected. “Well, I mean, yes. He was beloved by all because he was an only child.”

“Heh, just like me,” Ember said. “And I bet his parents never let him do anything or go anywhere, right? Always sheltering him, constantly going on and on, who important he is for the kingdom, and how he’s too small and fragile, even if he practically defeated all the other dragons his age and secretly flew into the badlands every evening to toughen up even more, night after night—” she waved her hands about “—just so as he could prove that he’s not as feeble as they think. I bet that’s how what’s-his-name got him, right?!” Ember grabbed Spike, lifting him in the air. “He secretly went to to face his father’s ancient enemy just to prove himself, and got caught. Right?”

“Umm... yes?” Spike whispered.

The moment he did, he was let go to fall back on the floor.

“I knew it!” Ember slammed the table with her fist, making all the dice jump up, then fall back down. All but three had rolled ones. “And I’m sure the kids and queen now are all ‘Ooh, our precious little prince! We must send someone to save him from the clutches of the evil villain!’ And he’s probably mad at himself for failing because now he’ll never be able to prove how tough he really was and would keep being shielded until someone comes along and marries him, at which point...” Noting how everyone was staring at her, Ember stopped. “What?”

“Absolutely nothing, darling. We were just quite admiring the story you had come up with,” Rarity said. “Absolutely fabulous, and so very real. Why, I almost feel I know the prince.”

“Umm... Yeah.” Spike said from the ground, “That’s exactly what the prince’s backstory is.”

“Hmm, I don’t know.” Starlight winced. “Sounds a bit too convenient, if you ask me. I mean if he was so strong, who did he let himself get captured in the first place? Unless he just ran away to begin with?”

“Hey now! Don’t be bad mouthing the prince,” Applejack snorted. “Everypony makes mistakes when they are young. Why, I did some mighty stupid things as a filly. Almost ran away to live in Manehattan once.”

“I’m not bad mouthing him.” Starlight frowned. “I’m just pointing out some inconsistencies. And yes, it’s likely he’s done some stupid things in his youth, but... oh, never mind.” She levitated a few dice in the air. “I guess there’s one way to find out. Bardic knowledge!” She rolled.

“Nope!” Spike almost shouted. I’m not having you use bardic knowledge this time! The dice fell on four and seven. “Just as you’re about to see the answer of your question in your dream, you all suddenly wake up. The forest around you has disappeared! You’re in a vast ice plane, surrounded by cold mist. The camp and all your equipment is gone. You’re lucky to have your clothes! What do you do?”

Heh heh heh. Spike rubbed his hands. Let me see you now.

Dreams, Notes, and The Art of Door Opening

“What did you to my loot?!” Ember held Spike with both hands in the air, nearly choking him.

“It’s... it’s...” Think fast! This wasn’t how he had envisioned things.

Sudden jump adventures were normally received quite well by players. The last few times, only Discord had grumbled and acted passive-aggressively, yet even he had taken interest once the adventure had unfolded. The problem was that Ember had become active-aggressive the moment Spike had explained that all her gear had gone.

“Your things are somewhere safe!” Spike managed to say. “All your things!”

Ember narrowed her eyes, snorted fire out of her nostrils, then let him drop on the floor, partially appeased. Nothing bad had better happen to my stuff! said her glare, making the purple dragon swallow heavily.

“Umm, you also notice you’re all wearing snow white clothes,” he said, getting back into his seat. “Or armor, respectively.”

“Who gets to wear armor?” Starlight inquired.

“Based on character class?” Spike said, hesitantly.

It was a logical assumption, but a lifetime of O&O mastering had taught him that logic was vastly overestimated.

“Actually, darling, I think it would rather depend on personal choice,” Rarity said. “I, for one, think I would be fabulous in sparkling white armor.” She fluttered her eyebrows at Spike. “Possibly with some light blue or purple motifs. Nothing over the top, of course, just simple and stylish.”

“I reckon armor will be much more practical not knowing where we are,” Applejack agreed. “I wouldn’t want to fight a pack of critters in a dress.”

“Mhm.” Marble nodded.

“Let me check something.” Starlight levitated the player manual to her and started flipping through the pages. “Full or half-plate has a penalty for casting and movement, unless you have the perk Ember has... maybe something from hardened leather. I take it the clothes aren’t magical?” She looked up at Spike.

“Err...”

“Silly me.” Starlight giggled, before the dragon whelp could say a word. “Of course it wouldn’t be magical. That would mess up the entire level progression. Besides, they’d probably be cursed anyway.”

I didn’t even think of that! Cursed items were something he preferred to avoid until the third session, but considering the group’s high level and overpowered characters, he could well have added a few into the mix. It was somewhat concerning that Starlight had suggested the idea. If she were ever to become OM, her players wouldn’t survive five minutes.

“I’m wearing scale armor!” Ember said firmly, slamming the table with her hand. “Helmet included.”

“Okay, you all have armor,” Spike grumbled. “Which for the moment doesn’t matter, since there’s no one anywhere near you! All you can see is ice, snow, and white mists for as far as the eye can see.”

“We head south.” Ember grabbed a pair of dice and started rotating them in her hand.

“Not sure we can do that.” Applejack adjusted her hat.

“Why not?” Ember glared at her.

“Without the sun or a compass, it would be mighty difficult to tell where north is.”

“Oh.” The blue dragon paused for a moment. A split second later, she closed the dice in both hands and started shaking them wildly. “I try to spot where the sun is in front of me!” Ember threw the dice on the table. They rolled for several moments ending on double ones. “Yes!” She beamed. “It’s the other way.”

“Ember, darling, I think we discussed it doesn’t work that way.” Rarity said, stirring her tea. “You cannot know things just because the dice rolled a—” She giggled behind her hoof. “—certain way.”

“Yeah, so?” Ember crossed her arms. “But I can know in which direction the sun isn’t! Since it’s not that way, we’ll go in the opposite and we’ll be half right.”

“Wait a minute,” Starlight raised a hoof reading through another section of the player’s manual. “Applejack, you’re a natural druid, right?”

“Yep, I reckon I am.” The earth mare nodded proudly. “Born and raised. There ain’t no—”

“So you have Nature’s Affinity, right?”

Before Applejack could answer, Starlight levitated her character sheet and started to examine it. There was a glint in her eye that Spike noticed, and he felt a sudden wave of icy fear surround him. Dragonstones! Druids could have the ability to act like a living compass with their eyes closed in any environment. Right now, this wasn’t going to help them, of course—Spike had made certain of that—yet it would provide information he preferred was left for a later, far more spectacular reveal.

“Ah, here we go,” Starlight said, dashing Spike’s hopes. “Okay, so you can tell which direction is north without any instrument, even if you are underground or otherwise impaired.”

“Well, paint me green and call me a mango.” Applejack blinked. “Well, Spike?” She looked at him. “Which way is north?”

“Hold on a moment.” Starlight levitated a blank piece of paper in front of her. “Let me start making a map.”

“That’s a marvelous idea, darling.” Rarity clopped her hooves. “And it just so happens that I made these fabulous small miniatures of our game personals.” Five small figurines levitated onto the table. “After all, it’s hardly O and O without miniatures.”

A tear appeared in the corner of Spike’s eye. You know the game so well, Rarity. He sighed, dazzled by her display. The miniature themselves were surprisingly detailed. Just looking at them, Spike could tell which character was which, not to mention they had their own clothes—which were different from their current adventure attire, thanks to Spike’s sudden location jump.

“Wow, Rarity, you definitely have a way with things,” Applejack said, looking closely at the small pony figurine of a druid. “When in tarnation did you manage to make these?”

“Oh, please, darling.” Rarity waved a hoof in false modesty. “It’s just something insignificant I did during our backstory discussion. If I were in my boutique, I would have done a far more fabulous job.” She put her hoof on her muzzle. “You know what? That is a majestic idea! I could make a line based on O and O. It would be a bit niche, definitely not for the mainstream crowd, but will also bring a little je ne sais quoi to the market. I can totally see it becoming the next big thing in small and not-so-small hobby circles.”

“Did you make one for the prince?” Ember asked, grabbing her own miniature.

“Pfft. Darling, please.” A new set of miniatures floated onto the table. “I made one for everypony of significance. The prince, his parents, the suspicious royal adviser that will certainly end up being a traitor, the evil Grizwald, his first lieutenant, and his unwilling assistant, who has only joined him through an unfortunate series of events and remains at his side because of a misguided notion of duty.”

“That sounds mighty similar to Tempest,” Applejack whispered to Marble, who nodded with a shy giggle.

“The incompetent buffoon, three different mares, a few merchants, and, naturally, a duke.” Rarity finished enumerating, then took another sip of her tea. “After I go home tonight, I might do some animals.”

“Wow.” Ember said, as she and Spike stared at the pile of miniature figurines on the table. “You sure got into it.”

“I try, darling.” Rarity waved her mane. “After all, what is the point if we’re not serious about it?”

“A bit more attention on the game, please?” Starlight grumbled. “We are here.” She marked an x in the middle of the blank sheet of paper. “We can’t see anything in any direction. Which way is north?”

“There is no way north,” Spike said. “As much as Applejack tries to concentrate, she cannot tell which direction should be north, nor does she sense the time of day or season it is. Everything remains one big blank wrapped in mystery.”

“Whatcha mean I can’t tell where’s north?” Applejack frowned. “Starlight said I had whatchamacallit!”

“Yep, you do, but you still can’t,” Spike said with a smug smile.

Yep. Finally found my groove. Spike felt like rubbing his hands together. Starlight would probably guess what had happened in a few minutes, but the joy of the party finally starting a real adventure was worth it. Actually, it couldn’t have gone better. According to the Special and Extensive Guide of Oubliette Master Hints, giving your party everything they wanted, then taking it away, was one of the sure ways to get them hooked. What was more, it seemed to have worked.

“Well, there’s no point in staying here.” Rarity looked at the empty map. “I say we go in this direction until we come across a town or a nice tavern, or... Starlight, darling? Are you with us?” She turned to the purple unicorn.

“Huh?” Starlight snapped out of it. “Oh, yes, sorry, Rarity. I was just thinking. If Applejack can’t tell where we are or what time it is, and I can’t use my bardic knowledge... it might mean we aren’t in the known lands...” She looked at Spike, a sly smile forming on her face. “Or maybe we aren’t even in any land. Spike—” Starlight levitated a die and rolled it onto the table. “—I want to cast summon scroll.”

The die turned a few times, ending on a seventeen.

“As you concentrate, you find that the spell you seek cannot be reached.” Well played, Starlight. “Your spell fizzles away, summoning nothing and leaving you completely confused. Mark that you have used your free daily summon spell.”

“Just as I suspected,” Starlight said. “Girls, we’re locked in a dream sequence. That’s why we have no equipment and can’t use some skills. Very sneaky, Spike.” She smiled. “Very, very sneaky.”

“Say what now?” Applejack arched a brow.

“It’s quite simple, darling.” Rarity finished her tea. “Remember that time we entered Princess Luna’s dreamworld to save Equestria from nightmares taking over and breaking into Ponyville? It’s like that, but with a better fashion sense.”

Nightmares? I didn’t think of that. Spike scratched his chin. Originally, he was just thinking of running this like a world in which their overpowered skills and abilities wouldn’t work, but now that Rarity mentioned it, making it into a pure dreamworld would be so much better. There would be mysterious past events, hungry nightmares that couldn’t be destroyed by normal means, and he didn’t even have to worry about logic too much.

Spike’s mind went through the memories of all his O&O experiences, going through adventures, campaigns, and the occasional discussion. The dragon couldn’t consult a manual out of fear that Starlight or Applejack might uncover his plans, yet that didn’t stop him from exploring several options. The Dream Fairy was one possibility. Spike had come up with that adventure specifically for Big Mac when the earth stallion was feeling rather down. It was a two session thing, but it had managed to cheer everyone up.

“Hmm...” Spike mused. Nightmares were also an interesting thing. Maybe granting Grizwald the ability to manipulate dreams would also be good. Or maybe—

“Umm, Spike?” Starlight waved her hoof in front of the dragon’s face. “Is everything alright, Spike?”

“Sure!” Spike snapped back to reality. “Was just... so, what did you decide to do?”

“Phew, was worried there for a moment.” Starlight let out a sigh of relief. “Anyway, we’ll be heading—”

“Just a moment,” Spike interrupted, grabbing a sheet of paper. Under everyone’s gaze, he scribbled something on it—You see something glimmering in the distance. You can’t discuss this with anyone else in the party!—then folded it in half and handed it to Starlight. “There you go.”

Starlight unfolded the note, looked at it, looked at Spike, then folded it again.

“What did it say?” Ember moved closer.

“Sorry.” Starlight levitated the note away. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?” Ember snapped.

“It’s part of the game.”

“Eh?” The blue dragon tilted her head. “Is this another pony thing?”

“No, no, it’s... err.” Starlight glanced at the others round the table. They were all looking at her, quietly, waiting for an explanation. “Spike, maybe you should explain this?”

“Of course, Starlight.” Spike hopped onto the table. “Now, since each of you play your characters, there are certain things that only you get to know. For example—” He turned to Ember. “—if you notice a someone sneaking in the distance before anyone else, because of your skills, I’ll give you a note telling you about it. Just like in real life, you may choose to share that information or keep it to yourself and act on your own.”

“Why wouldn’t Twilight share anything with me?” Ember crossed her arms.

“Starlight,” Starlight corrected.

“Well, I don’t know...” Spike looked at the ceiling in mock innocence. “What if you hear a voice that speaks only to you, telling you if you don’t do what you’re asked one of your friends might get hurt? Or maybe you are whispered a love confession from someone you care about?”

“What?” Ember jumped.

“What?” Rarity stopped her levitation spell, having three figurines fall helplessly onto the table.

What?! Spike shouted silently. What did I just say? That was definitely not what he wanted to say. It was just a stupid example that slipped his tongue, but now everyone would think he was being sweet to Starlight. Worse, Rarity might think he was sweet on Starlight!

“Starlight, darling, might I have a look at your note?” Rarity asked in the most politely threatening fashion.

“Sure!” Spike quickly said before anyone had a chance to react. “This is an example. You know, since it’s the first time I’ve done it and... you know...” Leading the party is never this difficult with my usual players!

Without saying a word, Rarity levitated the piece of paper towards her, unfolded it, read it, and narrowed her eyes. She gave both Starlight and Spike a few glances, then folded it back.

“Alright.” Rarity levitated the message back to the other unicorn. “So.”

“So?” Starlight asked, uncertain.

“So, aren’t you going to tell us what you saw?” Rarity nudged.

“Umm, okay. I saw something glimmering in the distance...” Starlight hesitated a few seconds. “I suggest we go find out what it is?”

“Sounds good to me,” Applejack agreed.

“Mhm.” Marble nodded.

“Hmm. I’m not sure.” Ember tapped her claw on the table, as if considering her options. “Why can’t I see that? I’m supposed to have the best sight in the group. Right?” She turned to Starlight.

“Darling, this is a dream world,” Rarity explained. “Things are about to be slightly strange here. But, worry not, I’m sure it’s nothing you, or any of us, can’t handle. After all, we must trust that Spikey-Wikey will ensure that we have the best adventure. Isn’t that right, Spikey-Wikey?”

“Of course, Rarity.” Spike felt his smile widen, as his vision got slightly blurry, blotting out everything except Rarity.

“So, forward to the shining shimmer!” Rarity almost shouted. “I’ve always wanted to say that,” she added with a quiet giggle.

“Um, yeah.” Spike opened his monster manual. “You walk towards the shimmering object. Minutes pass, and the object is now visible to everyone. It’s small and round and glowing in the distance. Yet, no matter how much you walk, it always seems to stay far away. Looking behind you, you can see a trail of your footsteps leading into the mist. You almost feel like giving up, when suddenly the shimmering blob falls on the ground, and transforms into...” Spike took a die and rolled it. All eyes focused on the die, as if trying to determine the outcome. It landed on a ten. “It transforms into a blacksmith’s forge! Fats plumes of smoke come out of the chimney, disappearing into the whiteness above. Yet, there are no sounds to be heard. What do you do?”

“I charge to break the door!” Ember said and rolled a die. The die landed on a three. “Umm, I quickly stop before I hit the door!” she quickly added, grabbing the die so no one could see it.

“I take a whiff of the air, trying to make out what sort of smells come from the forge,” Applejack said. “Must I roll a die for that?”

“Nope.” Spike shook his head. “It smells of crushed roasted granite.”

“I cast detect magic, detect evil, spot, search area.” Starlight said, rolling four dice one after another. “And I also have Marble roll to detect traps and poison.”

Spike narrowed his eyes. So, the Marble gambit again, eh? He looked at the dice: seven, six, fifteen, sixteen, and twenty. Little surprise there.

“There is nothing out of the ordinary in the area,” he said. “And definitely no magic, evil, or traps. It’s just a mysterious forge.”

“Hmm.” Ember scratched her horn. “He said ‘definitely,’ so there must be something fishy there. Maybe the forge is not a forge or a changeling? I breathe fire on the wall!”

“The wall just got fired,” Spike said with a level expression.

“Starlight, what do you reckon we do?” Applejack asked. “I agree with Ember. It’s mighty quiet, and that’s always suspicious. I bet there’s a pack of critters inside just waiting to charge at us.”

“Hmm. Since it’s a dream world, we can’t be sure of anything.” Starlight jotted down the forge on her map. “Detect Evil should work under any circumstances, so we know there’s nothing like that around, but that’s not to say there isn’t anything neutral or chaotic. I cast Cone of Silence!”

“Wonderful.” Spike rolled his eyes. “You successfully cast Cone of Silence. For the next ten minutes, no one will be able to make a sound within ten yards of your current location. Until then, your characters cannot talk to each other, which means that you can only communicate in writing.”

“Heh, big deal!” Ember laughed. “Talking’s overrated anyway! I say we just and—”

“Tsk tsk tsk.” Spike waved a finger. “You can’t talk, remember? That means you can’t discuss what to do or make plans for the next ten minutes.” He took out an hourglass and placed it on the table. “That’s just five minutes, by the way, so I’ll have to turn it once.”

“Are you kidding?!” Ember shouted. “We can’t talk to each other either?”

“I believe that’s what a ‘cone of silence’ means, darling,” Rarity whispered.

“But that’s stupid!” Ember waved her hands about. “We’re here! We don’t have any weird spell cast on us! Why can’t we talk to each other?”

“In-character and out-of-character, darling,” Rarity reminded. “Although, nothing’s stopping us from walking out of the cone’s area and talking there.”

Spike’s jaw dropped open. “Umm, that’s a really good idea. How did you think of it?”

“Oh, one picks up a thing or two taking care of her little sister.” Rarity adjusted her mane. “Especially if said sister manages to find every single spot in the boutique that lies beyond the silence spell I cast and proceeds to start shouting!” She waved her hoof in very unladylike fashion. “Like, honestly!”

“Well, I reckon she taught you something good in the end there, Rarity,” Applejack laughed.

“Hmm.” Spike scratched his head. “Okay, you can talk or examine the outside forge, but not both at the same time.”

“Fine!” Ember snapped her fingers. “So, here’s what we do: I fly up carrying all of you, since I have the strength, go directly above the forge, then swoop down. We go through the roof and attack everything inside.”

“Um, Ember—”

“Oh, and before that I’ll breathe fire down the chimney.” Ember grinned. “That way whoever’s inside will be completely—”

“Ember, we are not ruffians!” Rarity stomped her hoof. “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we will not simply fly into the home of somepony and set their interior decor on fire!”

Uh-oh. Spike had seen enough of Rarity’s furious slide to know where this was going. He also made a mental note not to destroy anything of artistic value in his campaign, at least until she had a chance to calm down a bit. Who knew that a simple game of O&O would get the girls intrigued to such an extent? Intrigue was good, but not if it became obsession. Spike still remembered how Discord acted after his first few sessions. The draconequus would appear at random points of night and day to share his thoughts about an adventure, inquire about feats and weapons, and also “get a few skill points on credit.” Big Mac and Spike were forced to ignore parts of reality changing around them based on their latest campaign. Even worse, every topic would inevitably be gamified—including the notion that the Elements of Harmony were significantly overpowered and had to be significantly nerfed.

“We can always just knock on the door,” Starlight suggested. “We didn’t find any boobytraps. Although, if this is a dreamworld, we wouldn’t find any. Maybe that’s all part of the plot to brainwash us.” Everyone stared at her. “What? It’s what I would have done.”

“Five minutes of silence to go.” Spike turned the hourglass.

“What if Marble opens the door?” Ember asked. “If something happens she’ll be safe. Then we can charge behind her and—”

“There’s no guarantee.” Starlight sighed. “Sometimes things can happen without a dice roll. We didn’t roll a die to enter the dreamland, we just did.”

“Well, in that case, what can we do?” Ember looked at the map. “Explore the rest of the world and then return?”

“That might be a good plan, but we’ll still need some hay and water,” Applejack said. “Big Mac told me once that he nearly died because he forgot to eat during one of his sessions. And I don’t mean him not eating in real life.”

“Okay, then I’ll open the door.” Ember grabbed a pair of dice. “I’m all in armor and my health is high, so even if something attacks I should be fine.”

“Only if it’s a physical attack,” Starlight commented. “With your mental save rolls, you could easily be mind-snared and made to fight us, which, as you pointed out, will be difficult.”

“Hmm.” Ember took her character sheet.

“And you can speak again,” Spike said, moving the hourglass off the table.

“I reckon we just throw rocks or pieces of armor at the door,” Applejack suggested. “Then if nopony opens, we just go gather them and start all over. Trust me, they’ll get tired of this mighty soon. It’s like when Apple Bloom keeps bouncing a ball off the barn all day long. It gets annoying mighty fast, and even Granny Smith can’t stand it after a few hours.”

“You’re suggesting that we throw armor at the door for hours?” Ember narrowed her eyes.

“Mhm.” Marble nodded.

“What if—”

“Oh, for Equestria’s sake!” Rarity snapped. “I walk to the door and knock on it three times with my hood. ‘Hello,’ I say loudly. ‘Is there anyone inside? We are wandering travelers in search of food and water and directions in this strange and wondrous land.’”

Fear twisted everyone’s face, with the exception of Spike and Rarity. Looking at them, one would think they were facing all the villains of Equestria combined. Applejack was biting her lip, eyes larger than saucers; Marble had hidden behind her, trembling, as she glanced at the character miniatures of the party; Ember and Starlight were wincing, their hands and hooves in front of their faces, as if expecting the table to explode in a thousand pieces. And then, in the middle of this tense moment, Spike spoke.

“With a soft creak, which you can now hear since the silence spell has ended, the door opens. A young colt stands at the door, his cyan face and mane covered in soot, like a storm cloud before rain.” Rarity shivered upon hearing the description. “The colt is wearing a blacksmith’s apron with several pockets, in one of which you see an unusually large hammer. In the background, further in the forge, you hear the sound of other hammers pounding metal.”

A moment of silence filled the room. The players looked at each other, then slowly returned to their pre-door composure.

“Well, that was easy,” Ember laughed nervously.

“‘My word,’ I say to the colt. ‘Aren’t you the most magnificent thing, darling. We apologize for the disturbance, but we’re travelers in search of—’”

“‘I know,’ the colt interrupts. ‘My Master has been expecting you. Please, come in, distant travelers... and pretty lady. There is much that my Master wishes to discuss.’”