MLP Movie: The Significantly Shorter Version

by PonyAmorous

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Other
Length: 1970

How things actually would have gone down during the invasion of Canterlot.

A more realistic take on the opening events of the MLP movie, where the entire cast is NOT hit by plot mandated incompetence. It is, as expected, significantly shorter.

(Minor spoilers for first 15 minutes of the MLP movie, but 90% consisting of what would already be known from the trailers.)

Cover image borrowed from DashieMLPFim

Published 2017-10-07 13:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-07 13:30:07 UTC

In which plans do not survive first contact.

"Tempest is it? How may we help you?" Celestia asked, addressing the unicorn with the broken horn who had so rudely parked her airship in the middle of the festival, knocking over several columns in the process.

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked. How about we start with your complete and total surrender?"

A brief beat of silence permeated the air at the audacity of this strange interloper.

"Hi there. Princess of Friendship." Twilight spoke up as she peeked out from behind the other three glowering princesses. "Not exactly sure what's going on, but I know we can talk things out." She put on a smile, trying to defuse the situation. Clearly this had to be a big misunderstanding.

"Oh, goody. All four Princesses. Here's the deal, ladies. I need your magic. Give it up nicely, please, or we make it difficult for everyone!"

Luna stepped forward, her patience clearly growing thin. "And why should we cower before you? There's one of you and hundreds of us."

Tempest gave a small chuckle to herself. "I was hoping you'd choose difficult."

Several more airships rose up behind her in an ominous display of force and began to unload their hulking shock troops. Seizing the initiative while the crowd of ponies gasped in shock, she pulled out a sickly green glowing orb and kicked it directly at Cadence. The orb drilled through the hastily erected barrier, striking the Princess of Love and petrifying her into a dark crystal statue.

Bullseye! Now for the next—

Tempest was unable to finish the thought due to a purple alicorn materializing in a bright flash and a pop off of her left flank and unloading a heavy blast of magic into her side. She had barely hit the ground when there was another pop, followed by her being lifted into the air, slammed back into the ground, and swung around into the side of a brick building. As she collapsed to the ground and tried to get air back into her lungs, she felt her hooves sink into the cobblestones as if they were made of pudding. They soon returned to their regular consistency, leaving her rooted to the spot.

The thoroughly bewildered unicorn looked up to see Twilight calmly walking up to her. Panicking, Tempest poured all the strength she had into firing a cloud of electrically charged magic at the pony princess. Without batting an eye, Twilight swatted the attack aside and returned fire with a focused beam of electricity that sent every muscle in the unicorn's body into convulsions.

A cobblestone (likely knocked loose by her impact) was pried from the street in a magenta glow. It quickly moved to Tempest's forehead where it was then molded into a helmet that bonded tightly to her head, sealing her broken horn behind several inches of hard, unyielding stone. Twilight finished her approach and sat down a few inches from the now incapacitated invader.

"H-How?" Tempest managed to choke out, still trying to catch her breath.

"Hi there. Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Magic. I think we may have gotten off on the wrong hoof."

"I thought—I thought you were the Princess of F-Friendship?"

"Yeah, so as it turns out, friendship is magic. I'm guessing you didn't read the dissertation I wrote on the subject. Although, judging by this half-cocked invasion attempt, I'm guessing you didn't do much in the way of any research."

"W-What do you mean?"

"Well for starters, there's me. I don't like to brag, but I was kinda the most magically powerful unicorn in Equestria before I became an alicorn. Broke all the scales, got called the greatest prodigy since Starswirl, all super embarrassing really. Then I was tutored directly by Celestia herself. Equestria may seem soft and peace loving, but that's because most would be invaders learned a long time ago that it's a bad idea to cross the country ruled by the immortal goddesses that literally control the sun and moon. That was a cool trick with that orb and all, but the choice of target? My sister-in-law is a wonderful pony and I love her to death, but she's far from the greatest threat among us. Excuse me a moment."

Twilight turned her head to fire a searing beam of magic that sent a nearby airship crashing down in flames.

"Where was I? Ah, yes. Leaving the other princesses aside for a moment, there's the matter of me and my friends. Well, as Applejack would probably say, this ain't exactly our first rodeo."

Tempest looked on in horror at the sight of her army being ground to dust.

The royal guard was out in force, but was mostly occupied with evacuating the civilians to a safe distance, only getting involved in some minor skirmishes on the periphery. They knew that at this point they'd probably just get in the way.

Applejack was ducking and weaving through the ranks with agility born of a lifetime spent fighting off Everfree predators and making regular trips through the fire swamp. She switched between tripping up soldiers with her lasso and lashing out with powerful kicks that left behind concussions and dented armor.

Rarity had opened her sewing kit and was using her mastery of fine control to mercilessly harass the enemy with a dozen diamond tipped needles that found their way into every exposed seam and joint of armor. Any opponent who managed to close in was quickly driven back by an elegantly dancing storm of sharpened gems. Spike stuck close by, spitting flames at anyone trying to approach her from behind.

Pinkie was wreaking havoc in the ranks with her party cannon, the occasional weaponized baked good, and her uncanny ability to dodge anything thrown at her.

Fluttershy was staring down a trooper who had been reduced to a whimpering ball of tears while Harry the bear mauled two others.

Rainbow Dash had taken to the air with the other wonderbolts who were currently punching holes in the other airships before they could get into position to drop off more soldiers.

As the ships fell from the sky, they bounced and slid off the bright spherical shield that had been raised around the city before tumbling down the rest of the mountain. Shining Armor stood next to his wife, steadying her as she attempted to regain her balance after being freed from her crystal prison by the other two princesses.

Celestia and Luna remained standing in the same spot they had occupied at the beginning of all this. The situation was clearly in hoof without their involvement. The few enemies who had managed to disembark before the shield went up and the airships started dropping like flies were almost cleared up. Two of the soldiers managed to break away and make a desperate charge at them. One was entangled by shadowy tentacles that dragged him screaming down into the pitch black portal from which they had erupted. The other was simply reduced to a small pile of ash.

Tempest stared in shock. A clearing throat turned her attention back to Twilight, who continued her lecture.

"So yeah, not the first threat we've faced in the last few years. Not even the first military invasion. I mean, seriously? Even Chrysalis had a half-decent half of a plan, before she blew her cover anyway, by impersonating Cadence to seduce and brainwash my brother when he was captain of the guard to sabotage the city defenses. You thought you could just stroll right into the center of town when everypony is here and take the place over?"

"Uhh...yes?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "And even if you miraculously managed to take the city, we're allied with the griffins, the yaks, the reformed changeling hives, and the dragons! Between them and reinforcements from the Crystal Empire, there's no way you'd be able to hold the place. And that's even ignoring the fact that if you upset Fluttershy, you'd have freaking Discord to deal with! What's this even about anyway? I've never even heard of this Storm King of yours."

"He's knocked over a few outlying kingdoms. Honestly? I'm not too crazy about him. I'm just in this because he promised to fix my horn if I got him the magic of all four princesses."

"Wait, so he needs our magic to fix your horn?"

"Yeah."

"Well here's an idea. Had you ever considered, I don't know, maybe asking us to fix it?

"You—You could do that?"

"Probably. I haven't done anything like that before, but Celestia and Luna are thousands of years old. I'm sure they know all sorts of things about all kinds of injuries. It's certainly a better shot than relying on this Storm King guy to wield our magic instead unless he's some kind of medical expert specializing in unicorn horns. Is he?"

"No, he definitely doesn't strike me as the medical expert type."

"So you see where I'm coming from here?"

Tempest looked around as the last of her ground troops were being mopped up and led away in chains.

"Yeah, this seemed like a much better idea on paper. Or rather, scrawled on that bar napkin after the 7th round of drinks. So, uh, what happens now?" she asked with a slight wince.

"Well, there is a precedent of someone who tried to drain the magic of all four princesses and take over Equestria?"

"What happened to them?"

Twilight narrowed her eyes. "He got himself a one way ticket to Tartarus."

Tempest let out an alarmed gulp.

"But I've got another idea in mind. You see, you remind me of somepony."

"You?"

"Ha!" Twilight laughed and let out a snort before quickly covering her muzzle with a hoof in mild embarrassment. "Umm, no. Her."

Twilight pointed a hoof at a light purple pony levitating herself in the air and laughing maniacally as the last remaining airship went down in flames under a barrage of powerful spells. A terrified soldier thrashed in her magical grip before going limp as his eyes went vacant. He was soon set down to join several other smiling, glassy eyed soldiers in chasing down and subduing their retreating companions to drag them before her.

"Starlight! Tone it down a notch!" Twilight shouted at the terrifying pony before turning her attention back to Tempest. "Anyway, since she's graduated and...mostly reformed, I've got a spot open for a new pupil. I can tell you've got some real magical potential and there's still plenty of empty rooms in my castle. We could get you moved in and starting your probationary friendship studies immediately."

Tempest stared, dumbfounded. "Just like that? After I..."

"Oh, please. All my students to date have been absurdly powerful unicorns who have tried to kill me and/or take over Equestria. One stole my crown, turned into a demon, and tried to invade Equestria with an army of brainwashed teenagers from another dimension. The other held such a grudge she went back in time to try and stop me and my friends from ever meeting. A poorly thought out military invasion is nothing."

"Well...alright then I guess?"

"Great!"

The stone around Tempest's hooves loosened as she was pulled free with a pop, finally able to move freely once again.

"Now we just need to tidy up a bit and process some prisoners, then we can see about fixing up your horn and tracking down this Storm King fellow to put a quick end to this little 'war' he was so eager to start. After we finish one very important thing of course."

"What's that?"

"We've still got a Friendship Festival to put on." Twilight spun and pointed a hoof at Vinyl Scratch. "Hit it!"

*Camera pans out on dance party as 'Any Way You Want It' plays. Roll credits*