On a good day, Tempest scared children.

On a great day, she made them cry.

“How come you tried to destroy Equestria?” said a schoolfilly, as Rainbow Dash signed her Wonderbolt poster. She looked up at Tempest with unscared, un-crying eyes, standing at the front of the line in the Cloudsdale Elementary classroom.

Today was neither good nor great. Maybe it was the penis on her forehead.

Tempest sighed. “I had friendship problems as a filly.”

“Oh, like I keep arguing with Brisk Winds because he doesn’t know Mistress Marevelous is the best Power Pony?”

Tempest knew none of these names. “Mm-hmm.”

The schoolfilly considered this for a moment, as Rainbow hoofed back her poster. “Does that mean I get to destroy Equestria when I grow up?”

“Mm-hmm—no! No, don’t do that! Stay in school!”

It was perhaps too late, for the child had already turned to leave. “Thanks!” she said, calling back to Tempest. “I like your horn! It’s silly!”

Tempest did not wave back to her. What she did was hiss to Rainbow Dash, for the seventeenth time, “This was a mistake.”

“It totally wasn’t! I told you,” Rainbow whispered, covering her mouth with a hoof. “It just makes you more approachable. Kids love the dildo.” Her eyes widened. “That came out wrong. Don’t repeat it.”

“Don’t want to be approachable to children.” Tempest spoke out the corner of her mouth.

“Aww, but how are you gonna suplex ‘em if you don’t get close?”

“Don’t want to fight children either.”

“You don’t? What, afraid you’d lose?” Dash teased. When Tempest said nothing, Rainbow’s eyes widened. “Oh my Cadance, are you?”

Tempest shot her a look. “Cadance?”

“No one ever swears on her. I feel like she gets left out.”

“You ponies and your swearing-on-your-princesses thing.” Tempest rolled her eyes.

Rainbow seemed about to reply, and then the next child approached. Tempest took a steadying breath, calming her nerves. It was fine: kids didn’t know about this kind of thing anyway.

“Why do you got a penis on your head, miss?”

Oh, right. Boys.

Tempest grinned at the hoof pointing at her head, but it was the grin that a stressed animal makes: completely unconnected with the concept of smiling. “It’s just a prosthetic.”

“Okay, miss. It’s just it looks like a penis, is all.”

Behind the colt, a pegasus mare—hopefully his mother—cringed with each word. “Why don’t you talk to Rainbow Dash?” Tempest said without moving her teeth. “She loves it when ponies pay attention to her.”

“Okay, miss!” The child turned to face Rainbow Dash. “Hi, miss! Why does your friend got a penis on her head?”

Tempest buried her head in her hooves, wondering how exactly she’d gotten roped into this, and by the time she opened her eyes again, the child had mercifully disappeared along with his mother.

“You know what’s funny?” Rainbow asked, turning to her. The teachers chaperoning this event seemed ready to let another group of children into the room, but for now, Tempest and Rainbow were free to chat.

“Is it the penis on my head.” Tempest stared levelly at her.

“Yup.” Dash snorted. “But besides that. You keep saying ‘your princesses’. Not ‘our princesses’.”

This provoked a blink from Tempest. “I’m still getting used to ‘everypony’. Don’t push me.”

The next children had been let in, and had formed a line. Tempest signed a poster for the first of them, who thankfully didn’t ask any probing questions. “Besides,” she continued, “they never were my princesses. My hometown wasn’t in Equestria.”

“That’d explain the lousy sex-ed, I guess.”

Tempest stared at Rainbow. Rainbow shrugged. “You know that kids here know about, like, the body, right? It’s not some weird taboo thing—I mean, sure, it’s weird to have one up top, but it’s not like super dirty or whatever. You’re the only one hung up about it. Again.”

Tempest growled. “Yes, the sex-ed was bad. So were the social care and the anti-bullying initiatives.”

Her horn sparked in emphasis, and Rainbow waved at her to stop. “Hey, hey, you’re just gonna make it worse!”

Tempest subsided. “Sorry.”

“Wow, you really don’t like kids, huh.”

“Children were involved in most of the worst experiences of my life.” Tempest thought for a moment. “All of them, if you count the Storm King. So no, I don’t like being around them.”

Which was an awful shame, when she thought about it.

Abruptly, she stood. “You know what?” she said. “This signing is over.”

The filly in front of her pouted in dismay. “But miss!”

“Don’t ‘miss’ me.” Tempest frowned, and noticed a sheaf of posters to her left, and a bucket of markers to her right. “In fact, don’t miss me either. You’re all getting souvenirs.”

Tempest grabbed both collections and divvied them out, sending them floating in front of her: one marker per poster. As one, the markers signed her name on the posters, which then flew into the crowd, sending foals scrambling to grab them. As Tempest trotted past the shrieking children and into the hallway, she couldn’t help but feel like she’d just started a riot.

She passed the last few children outside and entered an unoccupied hallway before Rainbow Dash finally zipped in front of her, mouth hanging loosely open. “What?” Tempest said. “So what if they’re going to fight over the posters. They’re ten. How much damage can they possibly—”

“You just used magic!” Dash yelled into Tempest’s face. “Oh, sorry,” she added at Tempest’s wince. “You just used magic! Like, really complicated magic!”

Tempest blinked a few times. “I… I did. Oh my….”

She caught herself as Dash started grinning. “Oh your what?” Dash asked, motioning with a hoof.

“Not gonna swear on Celestia. Or any of them.”

“Aww.” Rainbow’s pout was short lived. “But seriously! I wasn’t really thinking about it, but you were using some telekinesis magic when we sparred earlier today, too!” She gasped. “Have you been reading that book I gave you?”

“I have not!”

“I bet you’ve been wearing the hat too!”

“I just told you, no!” Tempest gritted her teeth, feeling a traitorous blush coming on. “I bought... another book. I’ve been practicing in my own time. But I don’t think that’s what did it it. I wasn’t making any… headway.” She groaned at her unintended pun.

“But if practicing didn’t do it, then….” Rainbow Dash trailed off. She started looking up. Tempest followed her gaze, and ended up cross-eyed.

“No,” Tempest said.

Rainbow snickered.

“I refuse to accept something so juvenile.”

Rainbow’s muffled sniggerings continued, as the two of them stared at Tempest’s new dick-horn.

Tempest grabbed a bit of the wall in front of her with her magic: it came out easily, and she flung it down the hallway. To her enraged delight, it flew in exactly the trajectory she’d envisioned. “It can’t be that simple!” she yelled. “It can’t be as simple as shoving any old thing on there as a substitute!”

“Maybe,” Dash said, before fighting back another round of laughter. “Maybe it only works for dicks.”

Tempest growled. “That’s it. Where’s the kitchen around here?”

Five minutes later, they were in a bathroom stall for privacy. Equestrian obscenity standards be damned, Tempest wasn’t doing this in the open.

“I’m still not sure about this,” Dash said. The steak knife that Tempest had stolen from the kitchen was held in an elastic band around her hoof. “It’s helping your magic, and all.”

“Cut it off,” Tempest said, squatted on the toilet seat.

“Maybe I could, like, shave off these flangey parts at the top so it looks like less of a dick?”

“Cut all of it off.”

Dash grit her teeth. “You’re the boss.” After a deep breath, she brought up the knife to the base of the dildo, just above Tempest’s horn stump. Delicately, like a violinist, she sawed at it.

Tempest gasped in her throat.

“What?” Dash stopped immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Tempest muttered. “Keep going.”

“Okay?” But when Dash sawed again, Tempest couldn’t stop a cry from coming out. “Okay, no. Is this hurting you?”

Tempest realized with a start that, er, yes. Yes it was. Quite a lot, as if Dash were cutting into a very sensitive organ.

Rainbow frowned. “Okay, that makes no sense. It can’t hurt to touch that, because it’s a piece of plastic, and… holy Twilight!”

Before Tempest could ask what was wrong, Dash pressed a hoof against the dildo, then brought it down to Tempest’s eye-level. There was an unmistakable red blotch there. “You’re bleeding,” Rainbow said. “Almost like it’s….”

The two of them shared a look, and Tempest could feel their shared realization: there was no almost about this. “Did it happen when I kept using magic?” Tempest asked, wondering aloud. “Maybe it didn’t just fuse, it…”

Her words were cut off with a shiver as Dash took a piece of toilet paper and rubbed at the cut. As soon as Dash noticed the shiver, she stopped. “Hey, I’m trying to clean up the wound. Sit,” Dash ordered.

“Dash,” Tempest said, trying to sit motionless as Dash went at it again, and only succeeding in squirming. “How liberal exactly is—oh— how liberal is Equestria’s view on sex?”

“Like I said, pretty liberal. Hold still.”

“Is it liberal enough,” Tempest said, her cheeks luminescent, “that it’s okay to give a hoofjob in a public restroom?”

Dash froze. “What? Oh. Oh no.” Her eyes flickered between Tempest’s face and her own hoof, which was rubbing the functional organ atop Tempest’s head. She withdrew immediately. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even—sorry, I mean—”

“And we’re in a public school.”

“Yeah, this is—this is bad.”

“We shouldn’t do this.”

“Right.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Tempest was panting, and Dash was blushing.

Then Dash went at it.

Tempest shoved a hoof in her mouth, bit it, and hoped it would stop the noise. It wasn’t working: squeaks and moans kept escaping. In front of her, Dash had only one hoof on her dildo-cum-horn, and the other was lower on Dash’s body. Made sense. No point in letting Tempest have all the fun.

The stroking got more intense. This was so dirty. In a bathroom stall. With genitalia that wasn’t even hers. And Dash. Leaning in. Touching herself.

Biting down hard enough to draw fresh blood, Tempest came explosively.

This was not a figure of speech.

“Oh my Flurry Heart!” Dash blurted, flattening herself against the stall door as a blast of energy shot from the dickhorn and smashed through the ceiling. Ceilings, in fact: Tempest looked up in awe, seeing the magical shot dissipate into the blue sky above.

“Oh, man, that killed my vibe,” Dash moaned, staring up and wincing as bits of plaster fell onto her nose. She shivered with useless arousal, like an engine dying. “I was so close.”

“Maybe we should go,” Tempest said, wiping her horn/penis off with a hoof. There was sticky stuff all over her hoof now. “Ugh,” she muttered, showing it to Rainbow.

Rainbow stared at the fluid. “How did you… you don’t have balls.”

Under normal circumstances, Tempest might have taken this as a challenge. This time, however, she just cocked her head (for the second time that day) and said, “You need balls to cum?”

Rainbow whistled. “Wow. Your sex-ed sucked.”

Tempest felt that in this case, having balls was the least thing that mattered, but she didn’t say so as she opened the door to the stall. With her magic. And the door didn’t catch fire, or explode, or go flying through a wall or anything.

Maybe she could get used to this.

Without further words, the two of them washed all the bodily fluids into the sink, then left the building without talking to one another all day. There was a lunch break on their schedule, and Tempest couldn’t help but feel like they might be spending it separately, which was not their usual.

As Tempest walked down the street, she frowned, and then ducked into a back alley—somewhere where she wouldn’t make too much of a commotion. Then she focused. Focused on the most powerful piece of magic she could reliably cast: the fireworks spell.

Her horn fizzled, and a few pops came out.

It felt nice, at least. Tempest frowned at the lack of bangs, but shrugged, and walked back from the alley to find some lunch. When she looked at everything in balance, when she compared it to what she could do now, it was a tiny price to pay.

And what could she do now?

Author's Note

Thanks to ChappedPenguinLips and Majin Syeekoh for prereading! And to Oroboro, who helped me figure out the setting that ended up being surprisingly important.