Angel is a Centerfold

by Equestria Buck Yeah

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Angel, Random
Length: 6603

Some ponies will do just about anything for some extra money. Some pets too, apparently. Angel is one of those pets.

Fluttershy always told Angel not to get involved with strangers. One weekend, when she was away, he decided not to listen. But if he had never talked with that nice young stallion behind the bowling alley when he went out for a stroll, he would have never ended up receiving that big, fat check in the mail! Well, that and a few copies of the bizarre underground publication he starred in that will surely scar ponies for life – and he knows just who to share them with.

Published 2017-10-27 02:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-27 02:50:06 UTC

Brain Bleach, Aisle 4

Ah, the couch was so comfortable. Perfect for long, drawn out naps or for crashing on for the evening instead of that ridiculous little bed Fluttershy bought a while back. This particular nap was coming to a close, however.

Angel just barely hung over the edge of the seat, his long ears losing to gravity. Letting go of the mid-day sandmare, the bunny yawned and stretched. Smacking his lips, he rolled onto his stomach and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He glanced out the window – the sun was still up, and the clock on the wall said about ten past two o'clock. Ah good, it wasn't too late. In fact, there was a decent chance that the mail had arrived.

It wasn't often Angel got mail. He was a house pet. What all could he ever expect really? Some advertisements for free samples at the local pet store?...Okay, that one was usually fine.

This time was going to be different! It was nearly a month since he ran into that scruffy stallion behind the bowling alley who said he could make him a star, whatever that meant. Angel really didn't understand what he meant at the time. What was his name again? Animal Lover or something? Eh, doesn't matter. Still, despite how jittery he was, how unwashed he smelled and how tired he must have been, what with his seriously bloodshot eyes, something told Angel that he could be trusted. And if he couldn't, wouldn't that just peeve Fluttershy to no end? After all, she told the bunny more than once to be careful around strangers, and here he was off gallivanting on his own instead of staying at home where it was safe while she was away for the weekend visiting her folks. Annoying her would be ever better than stardom!

Angel would be the first to admit, if he could speak Equestrian, that what his photographer asked him to do at the studio was a little...strange at first. But, once the cameras started going and the stallion gave him some words of encouragement, it was actually kind of fun! Heck, he strutted around Fluttershy's cottage for a week like he owned the place after the shoot. Waiting for the finished product felt like it was taking forever. The last few days had been particularly aggravating.

Praying to Celestia, Angel hopped off the couch and pulled himself up to the window. Sure enough, the mail had come – and there was a package! A far larger envelope than normal stuck out prominently, dominating all the others! It came!

Letting out a little cheer, the rodent leapt to the door, tore it open, and snatched all the letters from their box. Slamming the door shut behind him, he raced over to the coffee table and tossed all the other garbage aside. They were probably bills anyway. He held up the manila envelope proudly and would read his glorious name if he knew how to read. But he just knew this package was his!

Biting down on the corner, he ripped open the letter and dumped out its contents: Three magazines, each with an identical cover – a photo of him, looking backwards at the camera with a single paw at his gasping lips – what appeared to be a letter, and a smaller piece of paper, about a third of the size of the first. Probably some congratulatory thing and the payment he was promised. He'd probably just have Fluttershy read the letter for him later after she recovered from fainting.

He snatched one of the magazines and quickly thumbed through it, curious as to what else the issue had going on it besides him. He saw more things with a bunch of words and some drawings here and there, but he didn't pay them any mind. The nice bowling alley stallion said he was going to be the centerfold, whatever that meant, though Angel quickly and correctly assumed where his pictures might be found. He paused at each page here, checking himself out. Not bad. Not bad at all. Several times he had stopped to glance at some other sets of pictures of other critters in poses similar to what was taken of him. He didn't recognize any of them though Fluttershy never really introduced him to anyone outside the cottage save for her friends' pets like Winona and Opal.

Speaking of Fluttershy, where was she anyway? He didn't hear her prancing about the cottage looking after any other animals or cleaning something up or whatever she would have felt like doing. Wait...was today...? It very well might have been. It had been several days since that multi-pieced jerk stopped by. Perhaps Fluttershy went out to get some things for their weekly get-together.

Angel hopped back over to the window and took a quick peek. Sure enough, he could see his owner cantering home with full saddlebags draped over her midsection and a sweet little smile on her face. No doubt she was humming some happy tune too.

Jumping off the window sill, a corny idea popped into his head. While it would be more amusing to find some tiny hat Fluttershy certainly had somewhere around the house for him or one of her other furry friends and slap it on his head to milk what he was about to do, there may not have been enough time to find it before she opened the door. He wanted to be there when he shared the surprise. Instead, he took his place by the coffee table and stood upright, leaning backwards against it with his forelimbs propped up. For dramatic effect, he tossed his ears forward and hid his eyes...and waited. It wasn't a long wait – barely a minute. He didn't look up immediately when the door squeaked open.

"Oh, hello, Angel! Enjoy your nap?" Fluttershy said.

A smirk crawled across a single cheek. Angel faux-seductively whipped his ears back and winked at the pegasus.

The mare blinked in surprise and chuckled. "Well, somepony's in a good mood. Let me go put this away real...quick?" She caught sight of the periodicals sitting on the table and came to a halt. She gently set down her saddlebags and approached it. "Um...is that you on that magazine cover? What is this?" The mare picked up the issue and examined the cover, giggling as she read. "Playpet, entertainment for your fuzzy friends. Did the Cutie Mark Crusaders make a play magazine for y–?"

Her seemingly innocent question came to a screeching halt when she began skimming the contents. Fluttershy's mouth fell open and her eyes went wider than she ever thought possible. Finally, she found her bunny's article and blinked...and blinked and blinked.

The magazine launched from her hooves into the air as she shrieked, "Angel! What in Equestria is this?! Where did you get this?! Why are you...you...that?!"

He showed her the letter as she hyperventilated. It did little to calm her as she read.

"'Dear Angel, we here at Playpet congratulate you on being center stage for our fifty-eighth issue.' ...Fifty-eighth issue? 'Enclosed, you'll find three free copies you can give out to your friends and a generous check to your owner as discussed for twenty-five hundred bits'." She paused in disbelief and grabbed the letter's counterpart. Sweet Celestia, it really was a check for twenty-five hundred bits...made out to her!

What...but...what?!

Despite being so lost, she continued reading to herself as Angel rubbed his paw-knuckles on his furry chest. The last couple of sentences threw her for a loop.

"'If you ever wish to be a part of another shoot in the future, feel free to find us again behind the Ponyville bowling alley. We'd be happy to–' ...Wait, the bowling alley? What were you doing there? And...when?!"

His reply set her off even harder.

"Angel, how could you?! You could have gotten hurt or worse!" Angel snapped back. He was clearly fine, wasn't he? "No, it's not okay! I-I just don't understand it! I've been away before and you never snuck out of the cottage like that! Why in Equestria did you decide to do it this time?!" He answered again. "What?! I've been bored sitting around the house too, but I don't go running into the Everfree Forest by myself in an effort to cure it!" She grabbed the magazine off the floor, swinging it around and smacking it for emphasis. "A-and what's with this thing anyway?! Who wanted to make this kind of...s-stuff for ponies' pets?! And fifty-eight issues worth?! I've visited news stands and magazine racks all over Ponyville a-and Canterlot and Manehattan and everywhere else I've gone and I've never heard of this! I mean, I've noticed other magazines for adult ponies wrapped up and away from foal's eyes, but...but this?! What...just...why?!"

He took the check and wiggled it in front of her face.

"I'm not concerned about the money! This is degrading – and...weird!"

Angel folded his limbs and turned his nose up at her. How dare she! The shoot was fun, and he let her know that!

"That doesn't justify anything! And this magazine still doesn't make any sense! There are what I'm assuming are stories printed in this thing! Pets can't read!" Fluttershy snarled.

He chirped his response and pointed at her.

"I'm not reading you the articles! And I forbid you from seeing these ponies again!"

It quickly turned into a staring contest he wasn't going to win.

"No, Angel! What if some truly weird pony happened to–"

"Good afternoon, Fluttershy!" the weirdest pony of all said as he flashed into existence.

"Gah!"

The magazine flew out of her hooves... "It's Tuesday–" ...and smacked Discord square in the face. "–Tea Time. Well, that's quite the rude way to welcome a guest."

Ah ha! Angel was right! It was that time of the week!

Beautiful.

The first thing Discord saw when he pulled the periodical off was its horrifying cover. It took nearly everything he had not to throw up. He lowered it and stared, perplexed, at the evilly grinning bunny on the floor. Never before had he ever been so unnerved by that rodent.

"Um, Fluttershy, is this...thing some sort of practical joke? I mean, I like a good practical joke myself, but this...this goes beyond the boundaries of bad taste."

She hadn't moved since he arrived save for the nervous rubbing together of her hooves. Celestia, tell her this wasn't happening!

When no answer came, curiosity got the better...or worst?...of him. He inspected the title of the magazine – and only the title. "Playpet, entertainment for your...what? What is this?"

With a single raised eyebrow, he flicked it open and almost immediately found his foot-tall adversary in full, three-paged display. His lungs froze and his pupils shrank to near nonexistence. Mercifully, he didn't hear Angel laughing at him from below. Blinking back to his senses, he casually closed the magazine and carefully set it back down on the coffee table.

"Will you excuse me for a moment?"

Without waiting for permission, Discord vanished and reappeared far, far to the north atop a distant, freezing mountain wearing a scarf and festive ski cap. He pulled out a pitch pipe and blew. Middle C. There we go. He put it back and cleared his throat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Prince Rutherford placed the last of the firewood in the pile and double checked the stone benches. Everything seemed to be in order. Several members of the Yakyakistan had already gathered around the center of town and it was almost time to begin the traditional annual Winter Celebration festival that was made up for the first time only a few months ago in the just-as-snowy summertime. Once they got the fire going, they could begin the time-honored new tradition of sharing yak stories from not that long ago about their ancestors and how they built their fine country.

"Come, yaks," the Prince said. "Today, yaks share more than just delicious yak cuisine and furious headbutt competition. Yaks celebrate proud heritage and noble–"

"...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"What in world that?"

The mountains answered with an avalanche.

"Oh, not again!"

Once the snow finished burying the town, Prince Rutherford popped his head out of the snow followed one by one by the others in the village.

A disgruntled councilyak spoke up. "Uh, Prince Rutherford, yaks have been talking for while now, and...well, yaks want to move to Neighami Beach."

"Hmph!"

Being the rulers of the Crystal Empire had started out easy enough, despite King Sombra returning. Both Shining Armor and Princess Cadance had spent enough time with Celestia and Luna to learn the ins and outs of ruling a kingdom, and they had done a good job so far. The populace was happy, the schools were well funded and excelling, and they had even managed to broker a few trade deals.

When Flurry Heart arrived, things became ten times more difficult practically overnight. The only real experience either of them ever had with a baby was when Twilight was an infant, and Shining Armor was far too young then to really take care of her in any meaningful way. From day one, sleep was a thing of the past. Sanity even less so. Half the time when Cadance was to meet a foreign dignitary, she'd nod off halfway through negotiations or be pulled away when the babysitters couldn't handle Flurry Heart's rambunctiousness. It was beyond embarrassing.

Somehow, between the two of them, they managed to get five hours of solid sleep the night before and two and a half more that morning. It restored just enough of their spirit to take their daughter out for a walk. Maybe it would burn up some of her unending reserve of energy so that she'd take her afternoon nap. It hadn't worked terribly well in the past, but here's to hoping.

Unfortunately for the parents, the skies decided to challenge her to a screaming contest that day, and she happily accepted.

"...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

It was a wonder their ears didn't bleed and their teeth weren't ground into dust. Once the baby's shrieking died down, Cadance performed her calming ritual and sighed. As her pulse returned to normal, a hard frown found her slender face, causing the bags under her eyes to become even more pronounced.

"I'll be back," she grunted as she began walking away.

Shining Armor was quick to follow. "Errr, where are you going?"

"To the doctor's."

"Wait, are you sick? If you need to rest, I–"

"No, I'm fine."

"Then, what–"

"I'm getting my tubes tied."

Her husband decided it best to let her go. But once she was far out of earshot, he pumped his hoof, picked up the tiny alicorn and playfully tossed her into the air. "You hear that, sweetie? You're going to be an only child!"

Celestia flipped the page in the newspaper she was holding at eye level and took a sip of her iced tea. Across from the table at the quaint little restaurant in the heart of Canterlot, Luna took another bite of her toasted tomato and alfalfa sandwich. The melted mozzarella in it was especially good.

It was a shame that they couldn't get through their late-morning meetings with the Japonese ambassador a little smoother. Late lunches always threw their entire day off, and this one was likely going to be no exception, especially considering how late this one in particular was. Sure, the kitchen staff at the palace could have whipped something up for the royal sisters as they do practically every day, but they were going to use any excuse they could to get away from the castle after the morning they had.

Luna licked her lips as she downed her bite. "Mmm! This is really good. I wish you would have shown this place to me sooner!"

"Oh, their breakfast menu is great! I've wanted to bring you here for a while just for that, but what with your days ending so early..."

"Yeah," the lunar princess pouted. With a shrug, she added, "Perhaps I can take an evening off from time to time. I don't suppose it'd be the end of the world, no?"

"I don't see why not. It'd be nice to spend more time together. I can imagine you'd be able to get your sleep schedule back in order quick enough," Celestia noted as she nibbled at her stuffed mushrooms.

"Oh, sure! I just have to keep something with some caffeine handy to–"

...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

The entire courtyard suddenly came to a standstill, staring at the sky, the Princesses included. Luna broke the silence.

"Was...that who I think it was?"

"I...believe so," Celestia apathetically replied as she returned to her food.

The nightly mare raised an eyebrow. "What do you think he was screaming about?"

"I don't want to know."

Luna tapped her chin and smirked devilishly at her sister. "Maybe it was a spider."

The ivory alicorn stopped dead mid-bite and glared.

"What? Some spiders can be cute."

Celestia swallowed and joked back, "I'm gonna hit you."

Fluttershy sat in the same frozen pose she was in when Discord left. His sudden and boisterous return snapped her back to her senses...

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

"AAAAHH!" the poor pegasus returned as he dumped a gallon of bleach in his eyes...

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

"Discord..."

...fried them sunny side up...

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

"Discord!"

...and melted them with magnifying glasses despite being indoors.

"AAAAAAHHHH!"

"Discord!"

"Who is that thing marketed to?!" he hollered after restoring his eyes.

"Will you please stop yelling?!" Fluttershy yelled.

The draconequus curled up in a ball against the wall, rocking back and forth. "No. N-no, I can't. You don't understand, Fluttershy. I stared into the abyss. It...it stared back...and I saw everything," he whimpered pathetically.

"Look, I have too, but you don't see me losing my mind over it."

"How can you not be?!" Discord shouted as he met her nose to nose.

The mare rolled her eyes. "I've been taking care of Angel since he was a baby. I've seen everything there is, just not quite so...lewdly."

The bunny shrugged with a smile on his face. Suddenly, he got a wild idea. The letter did say he was given extra copies to share. He was going to keep one for himself for posterity, obviously, and he immediately knew who he was going to go pay a visit. No time like the present!

He bounced over to Fluttershy's saddlebag and unceremoniously dumped its contents onto the floor. His seemingly insignificant movement made Discord leap away and disappear behind the much smaller pegasus. The only evidence of his existence in her house was his head and talons peeking out at his sworn enemy. Claiming the bags as his own for today, he hopped to the table, snagged the spare copies and tossed them in. While they were far too big for him to drape over his body the way his owner did, he could still drag them; hopping around on three legs was simple enough.

Fluttershy did a double take as the rabbit threw open the door. "Angel, no!" she growled with a stomp. "You're staying put until further notice for betraying my trust, and I wouldn't let you go out on your own again anyway! What you did was completely unacceptable!"

Discord popped out from behind her and spun her around by the withers. "Fluttershy, no! Please don't do this!"

He was surprised to hear the freak show of all ponies sticking up for him, but that didn't stop Angel from grinning evilly and slapping himself on the butt a few times before leaving, making Discord recoil in disgust and terror.

"Gah!"

"Angel! Get back here! Now!"

"He'll be fine. Just let him go," the ancient being insisted.

"How can you say that? What if he–"

"Oh, worry not, my dear Fluttershy, for your furry little friend. If anypony is foolish enough to cross him, no force in Equestria can prepare them for the horrors that lay within that terrible publication."

The pegasus simply blinked at him, wildly unamused.

"Can we please take this visit back to my home? Please? I desperately need some chaos to clear my mind."

"What you just went through wouldn't count as chaos?" Fluttershy asked.

"That was psychological torture – a clear violation of the Eighth Amendment," he blubbered as he pulled at his face.

Sighing, she complied with his request. "Sure, if it'll help."

"Oh thank you," he sobbed, groveling at her hooves and planting kisses on them. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

And with that, they disappeared.

It took the better part of an hour to get to Angel's first target, the further of the two – Carousel Boutique. If only the magazines didn't keep sliding out of the bag as he dragged them along, he could have shaved twenty minutes off. Having wings would have been nice too. Finally at the door, he wiped the sweat off his brow and knocked. A couple minutes later, Rarity answered the door and the bunny barged right in.

"Oh, hello Angel." The fashionista paused at the lack of pegasus and looked around outside. "Wait, is Fluttershy not with you?" He shook his head. "Is she alright?" A nod. "Well, uh...okay. It's just that I've never seen you without her. What brings you here?"

He stopped and winked at her. Rarity rolled her eyes and returned to her nearby project. Why was she wasting her time? She didn't speak rabbit and had an wonderful new design she was working on and had almost perfected.

In an instant, Angel spotted his first target licking her foreleg and rubbing her head. Opal was just as curious as to the bunny's presence as her owner. He chirped a deliberately vague explanation and handed her one of the magazines, wiggling his eyebrows. Finished with the first half of his mission, he hopped back to the door and demanded Rarity let him out. Grunting at the second distraction in the same minute, she obliged.

What in Equestria was that all about? The dressmaker turned about and noticed Opal nose deep in the magazine, unmoving and wide-eyed. Her fuzzy tail started to swish around too. Rarity couldn't see what her cat was staring at, but it must have been interesting enough since she took several seconds between page flips.

Cocking her head, the unicorn approached the scene and took the booklet from her protesting pet. She immediately regretted it.

The magazine flopped onto the floor, barely missing Opal – who then returned to admiring the star. Rarity, on the other hoof, shuffled her way into the kitchen. She grabbed a freshly chilled bottle of red wine from the fridge and a random glass from a nearby cabinet. After popping the cork, she thought for a moment...and put the glass back. It'd been a while since she chugged anything quite so hard. Even the sound of the store bell couldn't distract her, but the voice that followed...

"Hey, Rarity? You here? I was hoping I could get a roll of some fabric?" Sweetie Belle cried out. "Hey Opal, whatcha got there?"

The poor mare nearly choked as she spat out her drink.

Bottle in tow, Rarity raced to the lobby and made the magazine burst into flames from across the room. Her sister shrieked and flung it from her magical grip. Opal also yowled as it landed near her yet again. The cat glared death at her owner. How dare she! She was...reading...that.

"Uh, I'll, err...I'm just gonna go," Sweetie Belle mumbled as she bolted for the door, adding, "Rarity, your, um...the floor's starting to catch."

Oh jeez! Without thinking, she dumped the rest of the wine all over the magazine, drowning it and soaking some of the carpet. Once she realized what she had done, she stomped a hoof. Ugh, now she had to get a cleaning service over there!

"Dammit!"

She also noticed the wine bottle was now evaporated.

"Dammit!"

Plus, some of the wine splashed onto Opal's pristine white coat, including her face. Kitty was not amused.

"Oh no! Opal, I'm so, so sorry! Don't worry, I'll–"

As the mare reached to console her pet, she gasped upon seeing a bit on her hoof too...and her forelegs and chest.

"AAAAAHHH!"

The sun was at the start of its slow descent by the time Angel had arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. It was a good thing his sniffer was so strong or he'd have a hard time wading through the sea of apple trees. Anything that smelled remotely un-apple was a good indicator of the direction to go. Only near the Apple Family farmhouse would there be any other scents, and while the smell was faint, he already knew where he could find his second objective. He probably would have also been there by now if the saddlebag didn't get caught on every third root. Stupid trees.

After a short while, Angel heard a bark relatively close by. Success at last! He picked up the pace and finally found himself in the heart of the orchard: The farmhouse, the barn, the pig pen, the...whew!...outhouse. A short distance from the open barn stood Winona hanging out with Applejack as she hauling another basket of apples to the group she had obviously been putting together for a little while. As the mare tossed the harvest off her back and began inspecting the goods, Angel sat up and chattered loud enough to get Winona's attention.

With a happy yip, the pooch dashed off to greet their guest, giving him a hello lick. Angel smirked to himself and gave her a wink. With the pleasantries out of the way, he tossed the last magazine on the ground in front of Winona and playfully booped her on the nose before heading out, adding a few rabbity words as he left.

Winona cocked her head at the departing rodent and then spied the cover picture. Her curiosity peaked, she flipped through the pages with her snout, struggling a bit but managing. The magazine was eventually forced open at the middle, the still-folded pages obviously hiding some treasure inside. Winona swatted the centerfold fully open and her ears stood at attention. After a pause, her tongue fell out and she drooled onto the pages. Such a sticky mess!

Despite how perked her ears were, though, she didn't hear the hoofsteps approaching from behind her. "The heck was Angel doin' here?" Applejack wondered. "And where's Fluttershy? She wouldn't let him go runnin' around Ponyville without her, would she?" Winona gave her no response. "Err, what've you got th–whoa nelly!"

Nope. No way the farmgirl was looking anywhere near that. "Bad Winona! Gimme that!" The dog growled under her breath, but let her owner try and find the publication. Granted, it was a little tricky grabbing the thing when her head was practically doing a one-eighty. But, once she had it, Applejack fumbled about closing it and rolled it up so she could continue not looking at it. "This smut ain't suitable for...eggghh...anypony. Now that I think about it, who in Equestria is this even made for?!"

She shuddered at the thought and knew exactly what to do with the terrible thing. The mare held it at hooves' length like a used snot rag and hustled over to the pig pen, cringing the whole way. No doubt she'd have to scrub her hooves and probably her brain later somehow. Maybe she could ask Twilight for a memory erasure spell, if there was such a thing. Yeah, that'd work.

Winona's whining and crying and pleading as she followed her master to the magazine's destiny were unfortunately for naught when Applejack made it to her destination and unceremoniously flung the despicable thing into the heart of the filth. It wasn't long before a pig or two had walked and rolled over it, essentially turning the magazine into mud-covered confetti. Winona glared daggers into the cowgirl's back as she cantered away.

At Carousel Boutique, nearly forty minutes had passed since Opal was accidentally hit with a hoofful of red wine. But, despite being mildly covered in the stuff, she absolutely, positively, without question was not going to be forced into such the disgusting fixture known only as the bathtub.

Except with magic. Always with the magic...

She could have licked it off her fur like she had done with other things before. Why couldn't Rarity see that? At least she finally was dry. If only the dressmaker would finish taking her shower already and stop hyperventilating. Hearing her panic attacks over the appliance itself – and from the first floor, no less – had gone way past annoying and she had been at it for almost an hour. Surely she had to be clean by now.

Why'd she have to destroy that...unique gift Angel gave her? Why did he give it to her anyway? Was he trying to tell her something or just showing off? He had always been nothing but a pest up until then, so it was probably the latter. Yeah, definitely the latter.

There were other questions dancing around her furry head, and she needed to have them answered. But Rarity wouldn't just let her out, and she couldn't use the doorknob on her own either. What was she going to do?

Finally, she heard the water turn off. Her owner must be done. About time. Several minutes later, Rarity crawled down the stairs with her mane wrapped in a towel and wearing her signature bath robe. Her mind, unfortunately, did not seem quite so scrubbed yet as she still had a very empty look in her eyes. She came up to the cat.

"H-hello, Opal dear. How are you?" Rarity wearily muttered. Her pet turned her nose up at her again. "You're still upset about that...dreadful thing, huh? Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to have such...trash in my boutique. It's...it's...completely uncivilized! I still can't figure out who would make such a horrible magazine or why."

Alright, Opal was done. She stormed over to the door and scratched at it, unconcerned if she left any marks. That'd be for Rarity to deal with after such insulting behavior.

"You...want to go out? Opal, we don't exactly have a backyard and I just stepped out of the shower. What could you possibly want to go out for anyway? It's getting late in the day." The feline growled at her, receiving a sigh back. "Fine, fine. Do you...want to go for a walk or something? You don't respond well to leashes."

Opal patted herself on the chest and clawed at the door again. It seemed to get the message across enough.

"Wait, you want to go out on your own? Absolutely not." Rarity wasn't prepared for the hissing and spitting she suddenly got, but she wasn't compromising. "No! I'm not going to let you go roaming around Ponyville alone! What if you get lost or...or hurt or–what are you doing?"

While her owner ranted, Opal had calmly made her way to the dress Rarity had been working on all day until their little incident. To show she wasn't messing around anymore, she held her paw up, barely a few inches away from the project. The staring contest was epic.

"Opal..."

She patted the lovely garment...

"Opal..."

...and then the claws came out.

"Alright, alright, you win! Just...don't hurt my work! And don't be too long, alright?!"

Smirking proudly and puffing out her chest, the cat strutted her way to door. It glowed light blue and opened for her.

It'd been a while since Angel stopped by the farm, and Winona couldn't stop thinking about that now-soiled magazine. What was the deal with it? Why did that normally bratty rodent have it and, more importantly, why was he in it? Not that she minded the second part as much, but still.

Now it sat at the bottom of a bunch of bottoms of pigs. She didn't mind digging in the dirt from time to time, but there was no way she was going to go diving into such filth to retrieve it. Applejack would have a fit and a half. Why'd she have to throw it in there?!

She gave her owner a glare from Tartarus when she passed by with the day's final bushel. Sighing, she turned her attention back toward the pen and whined. Applejack heard her pleas and went to comfort her once she set her basket down.

"Sorry, Winona, but it had to be done. I know that ponies and dogs don't exactly have the same kind of vision, but...do you even know what you were lookin' at?" the farmer asked with a shudder. The collie snorted at her as she trotted away. "You'll thank me later...uh, well, you would if you could talk and all."

No! To heck with that! Winona got to her paws and made took off in the direction of the orchard's entrance, quickly gaining distance between herself and her owner.

"Winona?! Stop! Come back here!"

An angry bark was all she got back. What had gotten into that dog?! A.J. knew she'd never catch Winona if she was running at full speed, and it sure looked like she was! She turned to race toward the house and round up some help to go find her but stopped almost immediately, instead turning her attention toward the pigs. Winona had been all bent out of shape ever since she tossed that trashy mag into the mud.

"Wait," Applejack thought to herself, "is she going to...? Naw, it couldn't be....could it?"

On second thought, she preferred not to think about it. Winona wasn't stupid. She wasn't going to get lost. Still, she should probably grab a flashlight just to be safe and try and find her before it gets dark.

The bunny turned the page and continued admiring himself, sitting with his legs crossed on the couch. They really did a bang-up job with the pictures.

The peace and quiet was nice. Turning Discord's stomach nearly inside out was just the icing on the cake. Maybe he should make a short film and mail it to him next time without a return address. Not having to deal with Fluttershy inevitably tearing into him again for something ultimately harmless was welcome as well.

However, said peace didn't last as long as he'd hoped. There was a startling bang at the door. Grumbling, he tossed the magazine on the coffee table and went to see who it was. A familiar couple stood in front of him, one shaking off what was likely her banging her head on the door.

Dear Diary: Jackpot.

A bright flash appeared in the room a short time later. Fluttershy and Discord stood back to back. Their manes were utterly disheveled and they visibly wobbled as they unsuccessfully tried to locate each other before simply bumping into each other.

"Oh! There you are."

"Yes! I was wondering...Oh, my head. And my stomach."

"Which one?" Fluttershy asked.

"All of them," the draconequus replied, belching.

His small yellow friend laughed. "That's gross. You're gross." The drunk demigod bowed only to fall on his face, making Fluttershy laugh harder. "You're funny. Gross and funny." Her own stomach politely disagreed. "Ohh, I think I'm going to be sick."

"I-I think I need a...a few more before I can start feeling normal again."

"Are you ref-f-ferring to Angel again?"

"Me? No! Noooo!" It took some effort to hold back throwing up. "Okay, maybe."

"Come on, now, he's...he's not really so bad once you get to know him."

"You're right, you're right. He's worse!" Discord laughed until his head began throbbing again. "Nggghh, how many did I have again?"

"I can't count that high," the pegasus mumbled.

"Neither can I." His stubby arms spun as he tried and eventually succeeded at standing up straight, mostly thanks to supporting himself on a wall. "Fluttershy, dear, I'm...I'm gonna go, it's getting late and I need...I need to lie down for a few millennia. I'll see you next week. It was fun! We should do this again!"

"Sure! Just...don't spike all the drinks with that s-stuff again, okay?"

"But Dracone-quencher is the best stuff for helping you forget things."

"Forget what?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

They half-stared at each other, eyes swimming, until Discord eventually bit his lip and laughed. Fluttershy didn't get it but chortled after a moment.

"G'night, Fluttershy!" And off he went.

"Night!"

Whew, what a crazy day. Well, what she could remember was a crazy day. Where was she? Oh yeah, she was in the living room of her cottage. She desperately needed a shower – a cold one, for sure. But she couldn't take a shower down here! The shower was upstairs!

Her first step toward the mile-high climb nearly took her sideways but she straightened out quickly. Squinting hard, she hobbled her way to the stairs and slowly up. Huh, it sure felt higher than it really was.

Eventually, she managed to make it to her bedroom door and reached four times for the knob. Sheesh, why was it so hard to grab? Wait, what was that noise on the other side? Was there a burglar or something?!

Finally gripping the knob firmly, she quietly opened the door and peeked inside, expecting something scary as she typically did. However, this time, it was worse than she ever imagined and she sobered up in an instant. The frozen mare was met with angry barking, hissing and chattering for her trouble.

"Oh my, I...I-I-I, uh...what's–oof!"

A pillow to the face got her tossed out of her own room. She slammed the door and stared breathlessly for who knew how long before heading downstairs, steadier than ever. A knock at at the front door got her attention but did little to slap her out of her stupor.

Outside stood Rarity and Applejack, both looking a tad nervous.

"Good evening, Fluttershy," Rarity said, biting her lip. "I know this may sound like a strange question, but...are Opal and Winona here? Applejack and I ran into each other a few minutes ago and–"

"Yes, Rarity," Fluttershy interrupted, strangely calm. "They're...upstairs. Sleeping."

"Oh. A bit early for that. Still, at least they're here," Applejack replied. The pair saw how half-dead and glassy-eyed Fluttershy looked and shared a concerned glance. "Uh, are you alright, hon?"

"Yes, Applejack. Never better."

"Um...okay!" The silence was palpable. "Would it be alright if we went inside and got them? Y'see...Winona and Opal just kinda...ran off earlier and we thought they might have–"

"I'll bring them by in the morning, Applejack," Fluttershy muttered.

"Are you...sure, darling? They won't be a bother?"

"No, Rarity. They are fine. They are sleeping."

The odd couple shared another nervous look from the corners of their eyes. Was it Nightmare Night or something? Because Fluttershy wasn't moving except for her lips. She wasn't even blinking.

"Well, alright. If you insist they'll be okay...I trust you, dear."

"Thank you, Rarity. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to think about burning my bed in the morning."

"...Wait, what?"

"Good night."

Applejack and Rarity were likely standing outside the door staring in bewilderment, but they'd leave soon enough. It wouldn't be the first time Fluttershy had slept on the couch. This didn't happen for several, motionless hours as she thought of pure, cleansing flame. She'd have to be careful. Didn't want to destroy the rest of the cottage too. Perhaps she could ask Applejack and Rarity to help her move it outside first.