A dream? Portal open up to another world? Or just the writer being annoying?
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Deadpool DOESN'T kill Equestria
A dream? Portal open up to another world? Or just the writer being annoying?
It had been a long night. Wade had spent most of the day just lounging around his apartment in the dark, watching his favorite cartoons that seemed to be losing their luster. It reminded him of before his daughter Ellie was born, before he became a big time Avenger and moved into a fancy apartment in a good neighborhood. Before things got so complicated with what was right and what was wrong...
Other then laying sprawled out in his easy chair and watching the bright colorful characters dance across his plasma screen TV, Wade used a spy drone he stole from Tony to keep an eye on Ellie. After he failed to return to his apartment after the events of the Secret Empire, Ellie made her way back to the Preston's house, despite Emily still being 'under ground'. It was what was best for her, now that she had no reason to worry about her carrying the mutant gene. She was home.
Wade forced himself up and out of his chair to walk across the cold wood floor to the kitchen to take another beer from the fridge. He laughed at the fact that the 'old' him would have just gone out to steal all the beer he had packed his fridge with. But the 'new' Deadpool tried to play it 'by the books' and legally pay for his intoxicating medication, the only thing that numbed the pain for a short while.
As Wade pulled another beer out of the fridge, he glanced at the liquid inside of it. In his drunken state (after over 30 plus beers, he lost count) Wade started to see the faded images of his dead friends, those he tried so desperately to forget about, those who he wronged, and those who wronged him.
"Was it worth it?..." the drunken super being asked his reflection as it formed over the glossy bottle of beer.
'It wasn't your fault Wade' one of the voices in Deadpool's head tried to tell him.
'YEAH! If anything, it's their own fault! You were just doing what you do best!' The second voice started in.
While listening to the voices, Wade managed to chug down two beers simultaneously, trying to reenact his wilder years. Back when he had a face any lady or guy would love to sit on. But it was no use, the pain was still there. With a sigh, Wade took the bottles and tossed them as hard as he could across the room, shattering them against the wall.
"Yeah... just doing what I'm good at..." he repeated what the more wild voice in his head told him.
Not wanting to cause further harm to their immortal host, the two voices went silent and retreated to the back of Deadpool's mind.
Wade grabbed a six pack from the fridge before stumbling back over to his chair, plopped down on it, and reached for the remote. He began flipping though channels, hoping to find something to cheer him up. Today he should 'try' to be happy, even if he is all alone and wishing he could die of alcohol poisoning.
Today, of all days, on his birthday, Deadpool wished for nothing more then to just die and rid himself of all the earthly burdens he had to endure. No longer paying attention to the individual shows flashing on the TV or the pressure he had on the 'channel up' button. Wade began scrolling from channel to channel while his mind raced once again with images of Preston, Wilson, Steve and so many more he wronged. Friendless, looked down upon by his hero, by his daughter...
"If she ever knew..." Wade started to sob as the world began to spin and his finger slipped of the 'channel up' button, landing on some random family based channel with bright colorful commercials. "I just wanted to make her proud... to do the right thing and be a hero...where did I go so wrong... can I ever go right again?..."
As Wade finally began to sub come to the drowsy effects of the dangerous amount of alcohol he had been ingesting and pissing out (half the time in the toilet, half the time out the window for shits and giggles), a certain theme song came on that Wade swore he had heard before...
Some time later, hours possible, Wade's mind began to wake up with his eye lids remaining shut. He wanted to just lay there on the soft grass and try and forget that he even existed.... wait, grass?
Forcing his eye lids to flicker open, Wade was hit with a bright light that almost blinded him. His drunken brain healing from the effects of the alcohol as fast as it can. But he was pretty sure he had enough to kill a pingpong ternoment's worth of frat boys. He was somewhere outside, and had some how changed into his Deadpool costume (which really isn't so much something outrageous Wade would do when he was drunk. Sometimes it even just happened when the awesome butt kicking action was about to start). When his eyes adjusted to the light, his head still pounding and pulling him back to the ground, Deadpool sat up and tried to get a better idea of where he was at. But before he could, Wade realized he wasn't alone.
Deadpool's eyes went wide as he looked around and saw dozens of brightly colored miniature horses surrounding him on all sides. But not just any miniature horses. Ponies. More specifically, the ones that he recognized from 'My little pony: friendship is magic'. And what was more shocking, they all were just looking at him and smiling.
Don't get the wrong idea, Wade was into some kinky shit, bondage, torture, even dressing up as a naughty Asian school girl (Wade dressing up, not the woman he's with), but it made him feel awkward to just have a sea of pastel colored ponies staring at him with innocent smiles, not a vengeful or deviant hint on their faces. Just joy and happiness.
Getting up and dusting himself off, Deadpool was about to say something that would have wiped the innocence from the pony's faces, possibly a quote from one of his favorite adult-rated movies, when something pink hit the merc-with-a-mouth right in his face, silencing him and obscuring his vision.
Muffling as he fought to get the fluffy creature off of him, Deadpool paused, pulled a large feather out of no where, then began tickling it. The pink face hugging creature began to laugh uncontrollably and eventually let go. Before she fell to the ground, Deadpool's quick reflexes caught her in his arms. Looking down, the mercy with a mouth quickly recognized the fluffy pink creature as none other then Pinkie Pie herself!
"Hey there DP! Been a while!" Pinkie giggled as she looked up at Deadpool with her big blue eyes, a large smile on her muzzle.
"Pinkie? What the hell is going on? Why am I here?" Deadpool began questing the party pony. "Is this a dream brought on by all the booze? Did I actually die of over toxicity and this is my eternal after life?.... is this another Death Battle?"
Pinkie laughed at the idea of Wiz and Broomstick trying to actually re-do her and Deadpool's Death Battle. She knew they learned their lesson from the first time. This wasn't Goku vs Superman where they were going off on new material. "No silly! It's a surprise party! Happy birthday Wade!"
All the ponies cheered as a Birthday sign
flew up in the hooves of two pegusi. Confetti, glitter and balloons soon filled the air as party music started in the background. Watching all of this didn't lighten Deadpool's mood though, and for once, Wade had nothing to say. He just looked around, found a park bench and walked over to it, planing his backside and slumping over on his knees.
Seeing this, Pinkie realized it was worse then she thought, and put a team of her own into action. Walking up to Deadpool, Pinkie lowered her head and met Deadpool's blank gaze. "I knew you were in a bit of a slump. Why don't you sit a dance or two out and talk to someponies who want to help you."
"Pinkie... there's nothing anyone, or anypony, can do" Wade responded, his defenses going up. "I've killed my best friends, took the only mother my daughter knew away from her, and pretty much ruined my own life."
Patting him on his mask covered head, Pinkie was doing her best to comfort him. "Wade, you and I both know that nopony stays dead in the marvel universes for long. They'll come back."
But Deadpool remained unmoved. Even if they all magically came back to life, they all would just hate him for everything he did.
"I think we can help" another female voice answered as three horn bearing ponies stepped forward.
Looking up, Deadpool had a mixed emotion to want to walk away and a want to hump the brains out of each and every one of the ponies in front of him. He had a weakness for unicorns, and there were three lovely ones right in front of him of different flavors for him to enjoy.
The one that spoke up was a yellow unicorn mare with a flaming red and yellow mane and tail, along with cool blue piercing eyes that froze Deadpool's soul right over. His only response to her was "I bet a lot of bronies have you as their waifu."
"I'll leave you guys to talk this out" Pinkie smiled as her ears twitches hearing a certain song . "Besides, this is my jam!"
And with that, Pinkie cartoon zoomed away, out of the scene, leaving Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and Moon Dancer to talk with Wade, hopefully to help pull him back together.
Not wanting to be a stick in the mud, Deadpool looked up and smiled at the there mares, smiling as he patted at the seats next to him. Not knowing of his deviant tendencies, all three mares took a seat.
"Pinkie filled us in on the situation" Sunset continued, ignoring Deadpool's gloved hand that finger walked over her shoulder. "And we all think we can help you."
"Your lips say words I'm not listening to" Deadpool stated as he locked eyes with Sunset. "But your body is telling me 'no please, I'm an innocent pony from a kid's show. This is beyond forbidden.' And I got to say, I love the forbidden fruit!"
With a quick punch, Sunset landed a powerful blow to Wade's stomach, causing him to spit out blood as he coughed. Sunset's expression turned harder as she sighed. "Pinkie also told us about what you did to that plushie in your movie and that you have super healing. So if we needed to, we have her permission to push you back a bit."
"Fair... enough" Deadpool said with a smile. He loved a woman who could show dominancy.
"Now listen, Wade" Sunset started up again. "We all had our friendship problems, but thanks to Pinkie, Twilight, and the others, we all got out of it and were able to make things right."
"Oh? I'm sorry, how many of your friends did 'you' kill?" Deadpool asked, feeling his wounds already staring to heal.
All three of the unicorn mares were taken back by the question, none of them actually 'killing anypony' directly. But then one pony spoke up.
"I can do you one better" Starlight spoke up. It was hard for her to admit, the memory like pouring lemon in an open wound, but she was stronger now then she was back then. "I destroyed all of Equestria."
"Been there, done that" Deadpool answered. "Well.... one of me did. Not 'me' specifically, but-"
"Well I did" Starlight interrupted Deadpool, the memory of her mistake leaves by a nasty taste in the back of her mouth. "I went back in time and messed things up really bad. That lead to Equestria being eventually nothing more then an endless pile of dry dirt. Where there was no sun, no moon, she Skies were merely brown, no towns, no ponies, nothing.
"And it was all my fault" Starlight continued, Wade's full attention on her. "All I wanted was to make everypony the same, so no pony would be left alone when their more successful friends went off to do bigger, better things..."
Not sure what to say, Wade just sat there, Looking around at the brightly colored world around him. He tried to grasp how Somepony might feel about being responsible not only for the death of all their friends, but the destruction of their entire world. He guessed it was some post apocalyptic kind of shit. He had been there and done that also. Not really something he would want to deal with again.
"I may not have 'destroyed' Equestria" Sunset spoke again, this time her tone
was softer. "But I did terrible things, which I know you know what that's like. I see it in your eyes."
"No you don't" Deadpool answered quickly. "My eyes are behind my mask in this fic!"
"I mean it, Wade!" Sunset ignored his 4th wall breaking. "I lied, got others in trouble, broke up friendships, and made everyone at my school hate each other."
"Like in mean girls?" Deadpool spoke up again, thinking that red haired actress was supper hot.
"And I did it all because I wanted power" Sunset continued, ignoring Wade's question. "I was so consumed with the want for power I didn't care how I got it. Or who stood in my way. At one point I turned into a raging shedemon and tried to turn Twilight and her fiends into a pile of ash.
"Luckily that didn't happen, but I almost became a murderer" Sunset sighed and hung her head a little before looking back at Wade with a gently smile, triggering something within him. Something no one's done in a while. Understanding. "It wasn't easy, and I got a lot of hate from everyone for a while. But my friends, my best friends, stuck by me and helped me. And when it came time, I did my best and helped save the entire school that I once brainwashed. I became a hero."
Hearing that word, the light in Deadpool wavered, and he pulled back behind his wall. "Some of us aren't meant to be heroes."
"Not all of us need to be" Starlight commented. "But we all have something special about us that sets us apart, and it might not be what you think it is. I thought my magic made me better then anypony else. But I lost it for a while and relied on my friends and my wits to help save Equestria from an evil bug queen. Sometimes our real strengths come out when we really need them. You can't give up on yourself or expect Somepony else to do the job for you just because they always have."
Before Deadpool could say some quick remark, snide comment, or make a reference that broke the 4th wall again, the one mare who remained silent this whole time, Moon Dancer, spoke up. "You know, Mr. Deadpool, I think your friends will forgive you, if you told them how you really feel."
Looking down at the nerdy little pony, anger began to build up inside Wade, Andre that he channeled trough his mouth, his most dangerous weapon. "Tell them how I feel? TELL THEM HOW I FEEL?! Listen here you sexy little pony version of Velma! No one cares about how a killer 'feels'! And to them, that's all I am, because that's what I'm good at!
"And you know what?! I like it!" Deadpool stood up and pulled out his katanas, striking several poses with them. "I have the highest kill count in my universe! Fought with god like beings, even beating them! Scientists try and duplicate me and my awesomeness all the time, resulting in horrible experiments gone wrong, but still. And guess what, no one cares how I feel, because on the inside I'm-"
"In pain" Moon Dancer spoke in such a soft tone Wade could have easily spoken over her. But he didn't. He hesitated and looked at the book worm of a unicorn. She looked on the verge of crying as she looked up at him, pushin her glasses up higher on her muzzle with her hoof. "I was that way too... I thought no pony cared about me, and that I was all alone.
"I was the second smartest student at my school, aside from Twilight" Moon Dancer took a breath to gather herself. "I thought the only things I was good at was studying magic, learning, and being alone... but years after she missed my birthday party, Twilight came to me and showed me that I was more then that. That I could have friends. That I wasn't just another book on the shelf."
Hearing of Moon Dancer talk about Twilight, Deadpool could see that she not only considered Twilight a friend, but also her idol. And that made Deadpool think of only person specifically who he ever looked up to. One man who always did the right thing.... the same man who ordered him to kill his friends...
Putting his swords back in their sheaths, Deadpool sat back in his seat and spoke his thoughts out loud. "But what if Twilight became evil and you didn't know it. Would you still look up to her? Look to we for strength? Do what she needed done?..."
A hoof landed on his shoulder, and Wade looked to his left to see Sunset was once again looking him in the eye, her eyes now sparkling with a new light. "No body is perfect. We all make mistakes. Even our hero's or the ones we look up to. But that just means they need us to help set things right."
His head slumping again, Deadpool remembered how he spent the last couple days of the Secret Empire under a pile of rubble while everyone else got to fight to set things right. "I couldn't even do that..."
"Then make sure you are there for the next one" Starlight patted Wade on the back. "Is this who you 'want' to be? A guy who can't get out of his past? You just want to sulk and let your mistakes become you?"
After eating that, Deadpool thought 'She's right! That isn't me! That was never me!'
"I'm sure there's still one pony who looks up to and believes in you" Moon Dancer added. "Even if you don't know them or see them. I bet they look up to you as a hero, even if you made mistakes. That just proves you're only pony, er, human. And that they really can aspire to be like you one day."
Raising his head, Deadpool looked at the three unicorns who surrounded him, their eyes gently resting on him like rays of Sunshine... must be a pony thing. Under his mask, Wade smiled and stretched out his arms over Sunset, Starlight and Moon Dancer. He pulled them all into a hug and for the first time in a long time, Deadpool felt warm and loved. He felt like he wasn't just a weapon people wanted to use. He felt... human.
Another pair of hooves were wrapped around Deadpool's neck, he didn't need to open his eyes to know who they belonged to. "Thank you, for all of this, Pinkie."
"No problem, DP" Pinkie whispered back in his ear. "You ready to party?!"
"Heck yeah I am! Party is my maiden name!" Deadpool yelled out as he released the three unicorns from his grasp.
The crimson and black suit wearing hero jumped up from his seat and took to the dance floor, quickly joined by Sunset, Starlight, and Moon Dancer. Ponies cheered as they watched Deadpool show off his awesome dance moves. Some of which only 'he' could perform (And not just because he's a bipedal human, but also because some of the moves required him to break his spine and a few bones to complete the desired moves).
After everypony calmed down from all the dancing, Pinkie directed them over to the buffet table, where Deadpool's eyes went wide as he saw a mountain of tacos! His favorite food! (Pinkie substituted more beans for beef. Ponies don't eat meat despite what some of the fandom speculates). After the main course, Deadpool eating more then half the mountain of tacos on his own, everypony began passing gifts to Deadpool. He didn't know what to say, not being modest, just unsure of what ponies could give him that he wouldn't try and regift later.
Surprisingly, they were rather meaningful and thoughtful gifts. A case of hard Apple cider, a poster that had a light blue Pegasus on it saying 'awesome as I want to be', a book titled 'Friendship for dummies', and quite a few others. Deadpool almost felt like a kid again, thinking back to the birthday parties he watched other kids have at the park from a distance as his father abused him. How he wished that he could have had what those lucky kids in the park had. And now he did.
As Deadpool was lost in the moment, Pinkie put in front of him a large cake with pink frosting. At the top of the cake was a sugar figure of himself laying down in a sexy pose.
"I was told I was delicious, now I get to find out!" Deadpool said with a small smile as he pulled out his katanas and sliced the cake into perfectly even slices (making sure to miss his sugary self at the top.) Everypony watched in amazement at his mastery of the weapon, which helped to feed Deadpool's ego.
As everypony revived a slice of cake and sat down to eat it, Deadpool looked over at Pinkie, his mask half up so he could eat. "Hey Pinkie..."
Looking back at Deadpool, Pinkie knew she had done her job. "Don't worry. That's what friends do. Now eat up!"
Shaking himself awake as the end credits and theme to 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic' began to play, filling Deadpool's apartment with noise, Wade looked around to see he was back in his apartment. He had fallen off his chair and landed face first in the pile of empty glass beer bottles. 'A dream... a stupid dream sequence. Man I hate those! It's like the writer's comp out!'
As he got up, cold and sticky from the beer he spilt, Wade felt his phone in his pocket vibrate. There was a text message from someone. From his daughter;
'Happy birthday, dad. Wherever you are, I love you.'
Tears began to form in Wade's eyes as Moon Dancer's words rang in his ears 'I'm sure there's still one pony who looks up to and believes in you...'
Author's Note
Notes: I based this fic off of the 'Deadpool Kills all his Friends' comic, but just as to be expected with everyone's favorite merc with a mouth, I added references to not only his movie but to the video where he and Pinkie were supposed to fight to the death. I'll post the links to those videos below.
But when I saw the video to the Deadpool Kills all his fiends comic, this fic came to mind and I wanted to do it for several reasons. Partly because I like to write and wanted to do a fic that isn't 130+ chapters long and about an oc of mine, but also because I know a lot of people who struggle with similar situations as Deadpool's (maybe not AS bad, but similar.)
If you do wrong by your friends, if you make mistakes, if you hurt someone,
It's ok. Just do your best to try and set things right. Sometimes we think everything that is done is done. But you always have a choice. And if your friends are really your friends, they'll forgive you. Never give up on your friends.
Picture link https://goo.gl/images/7PDc29
Death battle link https://youtu.be/9T5QzLD5koc
Deadpool kills all his friends link https://youtu.be/Bw2ItwwVhvE
