Why so Serious?

I knelt in the bloody mud and wooden splinters of the dirt road as the sky rained hell upon me.

Behind me was a burning carriage, its pieces scattered everywhere from the explosion.

Before me layed five ponies, all of them dressed in golden armor, all of them laying in pools of running crimson, all of them silently screaming for eternity. Some of them I actually knew.

My clothes were burned and hung loosely from my body as the charred black flesh from all degrees of burns encompassed most of my main body, left arm and right leg.

In my left hand was a shiny white and chrome knife, the blood on it effortlessly falling off its mithril blade.

In my right hand was a card that one of the soldiers carried "as a good luck charm". It was a blood spattered joker card that now had a red smile from the bodily fluids that had hit it.

In the mud of the rain was a water smeared and unfinished piece of parchment that was addressed to the princesses.

And in the air, amongst the smoke, was the cries of laughter coming from a glasgow grin.

My laughter.

Its all fun and games until somebody falls down the rabbit hole.

My eyes bolted open as cold sweat ran down my face. I sat up, placed my legs over the side of my bed and rubbed the bridge of my eyes. I was used to the nightmares and they never bothered me much anymore. Every night is either pitch black or a nightmare.

I stood up and headed for the tall mirror that stood silently in the corner. I stood before its reflections and looked myself over. I have various scars all over my body ranging from simple cuts to the massive burn that covered most of my body like a creeping web of infection that won't kill. I examined my face, my long dyed green hair was greasy and matted to my head from sweat. The scars that formed my stunning smile were still quite visible and they remained vigilant in the face of anything. I smiled as I went over to my closet and opened it to reveal my blue button up shirt, my green dress vest, my purple overcoat and my folded purple pants.

I got dressed, ate something, cleaned up my hair into something "presentable", put on my special makeup, put on my fine purple shoes, grabbed a few "special items" and went out the doors into the night. It was the later days of fall and it was colder and windier up in Canterlot than somewhere lower, say, Manehatten. But despite the lowering temperatures, my coat served to keep me warm.

I stayed in a small safehouse at the edges of Canterlot, a place that the princesses just don't give two shits about. I get my supplies from various crooked individuals that you can find pretty much everywhere. The chilled winds were gentle tonight as I strode down the alleys and dark streets dimly lit with dying lanterns, with the occasional scream far in the distance.

I walked for a while until I approached a large ornate train station. I could see a seldom few ponies boarding the train, all of them droopy and tired. I hopped into the caboose of the train with nobody noticing me due to the lack of guards. I sat down on a cargo crate and after a while the train lurched forward lazily. It rattles and clanked down the tracks like the piece of shit it was.

After an hour, we arrived at a new station, this time in a quint little town called Ponyville. The name was stupid and unoriginal like every other name, but at least it wasn't a ripoff of a name from my Earth. I hopped off the train, going around the station in the shadows and avoiding the sights of the few other ponies that were at that station.

I walked through darkened alleyways until I reached the edge of the town and spotted a small warehouse, its door having no light in front of it. The door was made of steel and had a sliding piece of metal for people, or ponies, to look out. It was, like most doors, smaller than me.

I approached the door, bent down and knocked on it heavily. The viewer slid open with a screech and out of it looked a large set of eyes. I could hear him taking in breath to speak, but before he could he had a small and skinny metal rod between his eyes that came from a small compact crossbow that I held with one hand. He collapsed on the floor dead and I reached my hand through the viewer.

Ponies have rather large eyes, so they were stupid enough to make the viewer large enough to reach my whole arm through. All models of this door came standard with a deadbolt lock, so I felt around for it. I felt it and turned its handle, hearing a rather heavy click in the door. I took my arm out of the viewer, opened the door and headed on in.

"Easy." I said quietly to myself.

I slammed the door shut and continued further into the warehouse. I walked down a white walled hallway lit by bright lanterns and my shoes were silent on the concrete floor. I saw a corner at the end of the hallway with faint voices coming from around it.

"How did we lose so many ponies in Canterlot so quickly!?" Yelled a female voice that had an underlying tone that was sweet like candy.

'Time for my grand entrance' I thought as I pulled out a switchblade. I slowly rounded the corner with a chuckle.

Ten ponies, seven griffons, three dragons and a minotaur all sat at a long rectangular table. They were the remaining members of the 'Blackwing' gang that still visited this backwater shithole.

"Yes, how did you lose so many so quickly? I have no idea how..." I said before getting cut off my the pony sitting at the head of the table.

"Who are you and how did you get in here!?" Said the pony, who stood out far from the rest. She was the one I heard around the corner. She had an angry expression on her face that was off put by her adorable coloring. Every head in the room had turned towards me, few with scowls of anger, many with faces of fear.

'Strike one...'

"I have my ways. Now, as I was saying before you cut me off, I have no idea how you lost so many. Surely nobody is so skilled as to kill a bunch of untrained and unarmed thugs. Has it anybody a guess who could have done this?" I said with slight irritation. I looked around at everybody in the room, nobody making a guess.

"Really? Nobody taking a guess? Alright then." I remarked with disappointment at their lack of enthusiasm. "Uhhhhhh, you! Orange pony with the hat! I would like to hear your guess." I pointed to an orange mare who wore a cowboy hat and had the symbol of three apples on her flank. She just looked at me with a blank stare.

"Wow, tough crowd. Alright I'll just say it. I'm the reason your Canterlot "forces"..." I said while making air quotes with my hands. "...have been depleted so quickly. Seriously, they were idiots. Couldn't sneak up on a fucking deaf person."

"So, you're the freak who has been killing us? You don't seem like much." Said the minotaur. He sat nearest to me and looked at me with a steely glare.

'Strike two...'

"I'm not a freak." I said to him while it pressed my gloved finger against the point of the blade I had in my hands. The point just barely punctured the skin and a tiny drop of blood began to form.

"Freeeeeak!" Said the minotaur in a mocking voice.

'Strike three'

I quickly flipped my knife up in the air in a little twirl and it came down blade first down into my soft grip. I reeled my arm back and threw the knife with such force that it would have shattered a diamond. The knife flew through through the air with no resistance and it hit its target. The knife cut through the minotaur's fingers like a hot knife through butter. This hand was still on the table so after it cut off his appendages it lodged itself side ways into the table, splitting half a foot of it open. Blood dipped out of his hand and he cried in agony.

"You see? That's what happens if you mess with me." I said to the rest of the figures at the table as I pulled out a new knife. Every single one of them held an expression of surprise or fear. "Now, I have an idea how I can save your little operation, if your willing to let me tell you, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."