Find Her, Stay With Her

"What if we went that way?" Danny suggested.

"How would you know?" Ed asked.

Danny shrugged. "Just thinking... I don't know. Maybe we could use the sky to navigate or something?"

Ed looked up. "Let's see... the sun, stars, and moon move from East to West. I'm sure that should give us some direction out of this shithole."

Ed and Danny had managed to climb down the mountain from Canterlot... but unfortunately for the two, they ended up in Everfree Forest. They had been walking around for hours, being forced to drink river water just to quench their thirst. Danny was repeatedly vaping with his stolen JUUL, thinking it would make him feel better... but this was not the case. If anything, it was dehydrating him faster, and besides, his pods were nearly depleted, as was the battery.

After walking for a fairly long time, when it was nearing dawn... the two caught wind of something that made them stop in their tracks. They grabbed their noses in disgust.

"Ugh... what is that smell!?" Danny asked in a nasally voice due to holding his nose.

"I got no clue..." Ed said.

They heard some rustling in the shrubbery around them... and out came a pack of timberwolves. They were snarling at the two with their ominous glowing eyes locked on the two humans, who simply stared for a moment in utter shock.

"What are those things!?" Ed asked.

"I don't know..." Danny said, just before turning and breaking into a sprint. "...but LET'S RUN FOR IT!"

Ed himself wasted no time and began to run along with his son. The two were quickly trying to get away from the carnivorous woodland creatures, managing to sprint for a long while, despite their hours of walking. However, they were not sure how much longer they could keep going.

"Dad... look...!" Danny panting, raising his arm to point. "...I see... an open area...!"

The two were quick to try and make their way over to it, the timberwolves hot on their tails.

Kyle slowly began to awaken, but he felt somewhat... encumbered. Opening his eyes, the first thing that he saw was the face of Berryshine. He had narrowly avoided gasping... but this did not matter, because he saw something that made him quite speechless in that moment. There were several background ponies, all female, piled up on top of him, still fast asleep despite his stirring. He was quite literally underneath a blanket of sleeping mares.

Kyle hastily pulled himself out from under them, making them topple a little bit, and causing them all to wake up.

"Where did all of you come from!?" Kyle asked, still overcome with surprise.

"Well..." Golden Harvest began. "...we sort've... um... let ourselves in?"

"And... why, exactly?" Kyle asked.

"Because, we all think you're awesome!" Daisy said.

Kyle was a bit flabbergasted, but tried to keep his cool.

"Can I be your marefriend?" Shoeshine asked.

Amethyst Star pushed her out of the way.

"No, I want to be his marefriend!" she said.

"Hey, pick me!" Flitter said. "I promise I'll treat you better than anypony else!"

"No, pick me, and your life will never be boring!" Cloud Kicker said.

Kyle was getting really uncomfortable with all of the attention he was getting from the mares of Ponyville.

"Let me have a look at your human teeth!" Colgate Minuette said.

"Wanna go for a flight with me?" Sunshower Raindrops asked.

"Mix some wubs with me?" Vinyl Scratch asked. "I'll give you my glasses if you say yes!"

"Oh, come now. None of that wubbish-rubbish..." Octavia Melody said, before turning to Kyle. "...surely you're into more traditional melodies, darling?"

Many of the mares continued to try and talk him into courting one of them... but he needed to explain.

"Listen, ladies..." Kyle spoke up. "...I appreciate the attention, but... Lyra Heartstrings is my wife."

"Aww..." the female ponies all groaned, hanging their heads sadly.

Almost immediately, they began to leave in disappointment. The Earth Ponies and Unicorns climbed out through the window, while the Pegasi flew out above them. But... one of them stayed behind for a moment.

"Hey, c'mon Kyle!" Derpy Hooves said. "If you think hard enough, you might just change your mind!"

Kyle pursed his lips. "...I'll consider it, Derpy."

Derpy gasped and smiled.

"He knows my name! HE KNOWS MY NAME! He's MINE!" she said, lunging at Kyle and hugging him.

Kyle pried his arms out of her firm hold. "Sorry, Derpy... but... I'm already with Lyra."

Derpy looked up at him (as best as she could with her wall-eyes), still smiling.

"...I'll give you a muffin if you choose me instead!" she said.

"Um..." Kyle pondered. "...I'd have to think on it."

Derpy sighed. "Okay..." she said, slowly flying out from the open window.

With that, Kyle got up and decided to start his day, still a bit weirded out by what had just happened. Lyra was also awake.

"Hey, Ky-Ky." she said with a yawn upon stepping out of her room. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm doing alright..." Kyle said.

Lyra narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. "What's the matter? You look a little... shaken up."

Kyle shrugged. "Just... had a weird dream." he lied.

Lyra looked suspicious for a moment, but then her expression became fairly casual.

"Okay!" she said, heading downstairs to make breakfast.

The incident that had just took place was still heavily on Kyle's mind as he went to help his wife make breakfast and eat with both her and his mother after she woke up.

Kinda figures... I'm not so much a "ladies'-man" where I come from, but more of a "mares'-man" in Equestra... Kyle thought.

This was definitely the case when he traveled through Ponyville later that day, and came across all the mares who were decent enough not to break-and-enter into Lyra's house...

"Kyle Schaeffer! Yoo-hoo!" Junebug said. "Hey! You wanna go out for lunch with me, and maybe... sit by the fountain together?"

"Hi, Kyle!" Lemon Hearts said, waving while holding a cookie sheet in her free hoof. "I just spent my morning baking cookies! Would you, um... like some?"

"Oh, Kyle!" Roseluck said. "Would you like to pick some flowers with me? I saved only the best for a... special occasion."

"Oh, Mr. Schaeffer..." Nurse Redheart said. "...your face is all red! Do you have a fever? Well, if you do, you're always welcome to make an... appointment with me, and I'll take REALLY good care of you!"

Kyle was a bit unsure about the whole situation. Back in his early teen years, he could only dream of receiving so much attention from females. Now that this was the case, long after he fully dedicated himself to Lyra (well... save for the one kiss he had with Fluttershy), it really did not seem as great as he thought it would be. If anything, he felt under pressure.

No doubt, Jan felt the same way when she decided to meet back up with him and Lyra nearing midday.

"You would not believe how many male ponies were coming up to me and sweet-talking me..." she said.

Kyle shrugged. "I just don't know what they suddenly see in us, given that humans that lived here eons ago were apparently savages."

"Humans used to live here?" Jan asked.

"Yes," Lyra said. "but they went extinct during the Great Human War."

Kyle, once again, wanted to take in the scenery around him, as it all still felt new and fresh to him as an experience.

"Still... to think that you and I have the privilege of visiting a place like this, Mom. Isn't it just the greatest thing?" he asked.

Jan also looked around. "...It sure is. Equestria really is a beautiful place."

As Kyle was looking off in the distance from the second-floor balcony of Lyra's house... he could swear that he could make out two figures in the distant forest on the other side of a stretch of field. They were definitely not ponies... or any creature that looked like it belonged in the MLP universe. Peering into the distance...

...Kyle's jaw dropped as he realized that it was Ed and Danny.

"Oh... my... God..." Kyle uttered.

"What?" Lyra asked.

Kyle pointed. "It's those two scumbags... they ended up here somehow!"

"Oh, no..." Jan said. "...if they find us here, we're in deep trouble!"

"How...?" Kyle said, shaking his head. "...Just... just how!? HOW did they end up in a world they are hardly worthy of!? Unless..."

Thinking for a moment, his eyes suddenly went wide.

"...They were in my car the whole time!" Kyle said in realization.

The three of them started to panic a bit as they went straight back inside with the other two approaching from Everfree Forest.

"What are we gonna do!? They're gonna find us!" Kyle said.

Lyra pondered for a moment, and then her eyes lit up as an idea struck her brain.

"I've got it! I'll just need to send a letter to Princess Celestia..." the Unicorn said.

"What's this village?" Danny asked as they approached Ponyville.

"Never mind that... what's this world?" Ed asked himself. "Looks like some shit made up by a three-year-old!"

They made their way fairly slowly towards the Earth Pony community, quite fatigued due to their running from the timberwolves. The place appeared to be abandoned, but that is exactly what the ponies wanted them to think.

As of now, Ponyville was on a lockdown; word had gotten out over the approaching humans, whom Kyle, Lyra, and Jan had claimed were two dangerous ones. The three had to quickly rush through Ponyville to warn everypony to stay inside with the doors and windows locked, and the curtains and blinds closed. Luckily, the Ponyvillians were required to practice lockdown drills once per month.

The two Richardsons had entered Ponyville, and by then, Lyra went straight back to her house in order to hide and send a message to Princess Celestia, which she would teleport to Canterlot Castle. She was grateful to be proficiently skilled with magic, but did not want all of the responsibility of being a student for Celestia herself.

Celestia had received Lyra's message, and knowing the threat that the two could pose, hastily prepared her carriage to take her to Ponyville in order to address the threat. Her magic would be sufficient for stopping two lesser humans, even if they were aggressive.

"We have no time to waste!" Celestia said to her escort guards. "We must get to Ponyville to ensure the safety of the residents from two rogue humans!"

Kyle had climbed a ladder through the gear mechanisms of the Ponyville clock tower, awaiting Ed and Danny in order to create a distraction that would hopefully buy them some time. He was peering around the small community through the belfry, keeping an eye out for his stepfamily. Eventually, he saw them wandering around, looking for any sign of activity.

"Well, this place is like a ghost town! There's no one here!" Danny said.

Kyle had blocked the door to the clock tower's maintenance entrance by placing the wooden board in place on the two hooks placed on either side of the door. A Unicorn could easily remove it if it had fallen without anypony inside... but Ed and Danny were not Unicorns.

This was the perfect chance, Kyle assumed. He stood up from his hiding place, and started hitting a steel rod he picked up against the bell. This made Ed and Danny look straight at the belfry, and they saw Kyle.

"Up here, ya two big fatass retards!" Kyle called.

The Richardsons eyes went wide and their jaws dropped upon the young man in the tower insulting them.

"Oh, you're a dead man! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!" Danny said.

"Get down from there so we can kick your ass!" Ed called up at Kyle.

"Nope!" Kyle said. "Why would I come down there when I'm quite comfortable up here? And it's quite symbolic, don't you think? I've moved UP in the world, while you two have become the shit people don't want in their lives! Why else would you end up in jail?"

Ed's eyes became scarily wide as he scrunched his lips in anger.

"Boy... you'd better get your skinny ass down here right now!" the overweight alcoholic man shouted.

Kyle raised a brow, smirking in a cocky manner. "...And just what are you gonna do about it if I don't?"

Without saying another word, Ed and Danny both rushed for the door to the clock tower in the back of the structure. They tried opeing it, but found that it was blocked. They both pounded on it, kicked it, and even slammed into it simultaneously... but even their combined weight at full speed did not achieve enough Newtons of force needed to break the wooden board that barricaded the door.

Kyle laughed as he watched this, especially when they grabbed their shoulders in pain from ramming the door. However, when he diverted his gaze from the two fools momentarily... he happened to notice a pile of steel pipes sitting on the belfry's platform. This gave him an idea...

He picked up a pipe and stood back upright to get another look at the two failing to open the door.

"Hey, jackasses!" Kyle called down, holding up the pipe for them to see. "Check this out! I got a present for you!"

With that, just as Ed and Danny looked up, Kyle hurled down the pipe with great force. The two jumped as it missed them and hit the ground.

"SHIT!" Ed shouted, looking at the area of the ground that the pipe struck, and then back up at Kyle. "YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, BOY!? HUH!?"

"Kinda, yeah!" Kyle said.

Ed glared. "Okay, y'know what!? Go ahead and toss your damn pipes down!"

Kyle, for once, was willing to comply with this order Ed gave him, and wasted no time to pick up another pipe and hurl it down. Once again, the two dodged, and were now more angry than ever.

"C'mon, queer! Throw another pipe at me!" Danny shouted.

Kyle happily obliged and threw another pipe at them.

This continued for a while, Kyle being unable to hit either of the two... and it bought enough time for the plan to work perfectly. Princess Celestia was arriving in her carriage right at that moment...