Here, you can't decide what's going to be the weather. Here, it's "nature", some kind of invisible entity soft and cruel at the same time which decides. And the skies are cloudy today. Cloudy like my mood. This place is not where I belong. It's crowded with stupid beings we call humans, walking on two feet, who are fidgeting and fighting over an existence that seems pointless. Their world, deprived of magic, is dull and sullen to me. I hate it and I hate them.
Unfortunately, until I find a way to get the powers I deserve, I'm forced to stay here, to participate in the masquerade of humans. Pretending that I'm the same, while I know I am vastly superior. It takes more than baninishing me to shut me down. Anger is still boiling under my veins. And someday, I'll get my revenge. Especially as foolish humans are easy to control.
They don't know. They go along by groups, thinking this is what makes them stronger. Miserable desillusion. We lie and we die alone, there's nothing more to know about life. That's why I've decided to be on top of the world, not this one magicless, pitiful, my world, where they think they're over with me. They couldn't be more wrong.
I'm not the kind to be easily defeated. I'm going to get back what's mine, and I'm going to show them. So, I'm too selfish, too self-centered to understand true power? Don't make me laugh! Soon, you'll see... Soon, you'll be obliged to bow in front of me and to admit it : I'm a natural-born ruler.
************
Don't you understand? I'm the one who've been given up on! I should be in your shoes now. And instead, what am I? Only the shadow of who I was, trapped in this envelope which I don't know whether I can get used to eventually. There's no one to care after me, no one to help, no one to embrace me when the night falls, and when I have a nightmare, no one is cuddling me to comfort me.
I can't stop now, it is too late for that. No matter what it takes, even if it burns me from inside, I'll get to the bottom of things. I have to do it. I have to do it to become myself again. I have to do it because it's all I got left. My ambition. My craving for power and retribution.
************
It hurts. My limbs are aching and my heart is bleeding. I've been so wrong, so blind... Yet I thought what I knew was the only truth. Although deep inside, a part of me was yelling, trying to get my attention, letting me know I was on the path of perdition. I didn't want to listen. I wanted to follow my own lead. I wanted destruction. Myself burning down in flames at the same time than the world. So that, through the tears in their eyes, I could finally understand why I exist. Even if that meant dying right after.
Now, I don't know anymore. This other path you've shown me... I used to think it was the height of annoyance. Now it seems that the light surrounded it is scalding my irises.
They say they're going to forgive me. They say everyone, even me, deserves a second chance. I want to believe in these words. But that's that voice deep inside, the opposite of the other, telling me I'll never be up to the challenge. I'm not a good person.
************
It's been a struggle. It had taken every pieces of my soul to get there.
At the beginning, the others were distrutful, and that's understandable. There were moments when even I had doubts. Would I be able to do it? Wouldn't I gave in in the end, and let myself go to ease, to the person that I was when I arrived? Sometimes, I was on the verge. Almost stumbling over the slippery hill.
But I didn't fall. I hung in. And the truth is that it was worth the fight. Now, when I look back at what my life used to be, I see how stupid I have been. Dazzled by promises of wrath, of absolute authority. And, what for, in the end? Loneliness. Again. No one would have loved me, no one would have been there for me. I would have been feared, maybe. But who would have been here to encourage me, to keep me in the warmth when the weather's too cold? No one. Or if there had been, they would have done it hypocritically. And I'd have felt alone, anyway, even if not immediately.
************
Today I've been the one who have "saved the day". Today, it's me who reached out a helping hand to someone in need, someone who tripped over the slope. It's self-satisfactory but it also made me thought a lot about my condition.
There had been a time, back when I was so full of hate and despise, when I only wanted to get back there, Equestria, my home. The world I belonged to. Now, I can't imagine going back there. Of course, there's ponies I miss and who miss me too. But I think the place I am is the one I was meant to live in. Here, I have a purpose. Here, existence has a meaning.
Of course, when I come back home at night, no one's welcoming me. I fall asleep alone in my bed, and I wake up still alone, forced to prepare my own coffee, with my own dishes to do and if I have nightmares, no arms are embracing me. The difference is, I'm no longer lonely. I know I can grab my phone, call one of the girls and their voices comforting me are going to be as warm and joy-bringing as an embrace.
Twilight has told me the truth. I had trouble believing it, yet I admit I'm glad she's bet on me. Maybe I'm a good person after all.
Author's Note
Rather short, I know, but I feel there's nothing more to add. Or is there?
