"What are we doing all the way out here? 'Sweet Apple Acres'?"
"Hush!" A chitinous appendage was held up in front of elongated mouthparts in a silencing gesture. The same appendage motioned for her friend to move closer.
"We don't want to alert them to our presence, or they'll be on their guard," the creature known as Vivax explained. And indeed, while compound eyes did not provide the best sight at a distance her friend soon noticed whom she was referring to.
On the big red house's veranda sat three ponies enjoying the last sunrays of dusk, each sipping on a mug of cider. They looked relaxed, chatting and occasionally laughing.
"So? They're just regular ponies. Besides I had bunny earlier today, I'm not really hungry."
"Bunny!" the first one spat in response, manifesting as a droplet of mucus leaving her long proboscis. "It is Friday night and Friday night calls for proper equine cuisine." She punctuated the sentence by giving her companion a mock disapproving glare, but soon her features softened.
"Urticaria," she continued, addressing her friend by name. "I told you I'd show you something special, and I promised you wouldn't be disappointed." She put both her forelimbs on her friend's shoulders while looking her in the eye. "Now trust me, and be quiet!"
Urticaria shrugged, and both turned their attention back towards the relaxing ponies.
"- so eyup, to quote mah brother," an orange pony by the name of Applejack, if Vivax recalled correctly, said. She wore a pleasant smile on her face as she spoke. "There's nothing like cider and sunset after a long week of hard work to help ya relax."
"I hear you!" a rainbow pegasus sitting in a chair next to her agreed, before taking a hefty swig of cider. She licked herself around the lips, looking satisfied.
"So, sugarcube," Applejack continued, turning towards the third pony present. "Ah'm glad we can drag ya out here to hang out with us even if it means yer missing out on throwing a party. Sometimes a pony just needs to sit down and have a nice mug of cider in the quiet."
"But there's nothing better than a party!" the third one protested, putting on a little pout. It seemed as if she said it more because it was expected of her than out of disagreement, because her demeanor conveyed contentment as she leaned back in her chair taking a sip from her mug.
Vivax turned her compound eyes back towards her friend. They practically sparkled with excitement.
"Yes, it is them!" she exclaimed and pointed at the trio. "The orange one with apples on her bum and the rainbow wingpony are usually present, but I love when the pink one is here too! You'll soon understand why I brought you here. Not only do you get to choose from a menu of three very distinct but all tasty courses, but these ponies will almost always provide the entertainment to go with your dinner too! Look, they have already had a bit to drink, you can tell from the blush on the blue one's cheeks!"
Vivax was giddy, and the way she broadcasted excitement about these seemingly mundane ponies made her mirth contagious. Urticaria just couldn't help but smile as her companion continued.
"See why I love this establishment so much? You never know beforehand what kind of show you get, because they can offer any genre. Sometimes it's a comedy, more often than not when the pink pony is present. Drama is no rarity either. There is a purple hornpony who provides edutainment, but personally I don't think that kind of show is right for a Friday night. Oh, and sometimes you get action," she added with a thoughtful expression. "But that's only when they've had a lot to drink."
She leaned in closer to her friend and whispered in a sultry manner. "And sometimes they have my favorite: Romance!" Her face immediately cracked up in excitement again as she brought her forelegs to her mouthparts, giggling. "Now that particular show requires the right combination of ponies, and a lot of cider!"
"Vivax!" her friend exclaimed, looking alarmed. Surely she must have misheard. "They are ponies, and our food! You can't be saying what I think you are, that you sit here on Friday nights getting invested in romance between ponies!"
At her friend's apparent disapproval Vivax instinctively turned her head to the side, and had her chitinous exoskeleton had capillary blood supply she would now have displayed a blush in shame. It didn't, however, but her posture spoke for itself.
"It's just...look at them!" she pleaded, gesturing with a forelimb towards the ponies. "Look at that blue one, the way she slurs on her words, and leans on the apple one. She just can't hold her cider!"
Indeed, Rainbow Dash had finished another mug and did now have difficulties remaining still in her seat. She was slurring and giggling loudly, her hooves around both of her friends' shoulders, displaying a deep red flush all over her face.
A silly smile played on Vivax's arthropod mouthparts as she watched the scene. Dragging her gaze away she turned to her friend. "Come on, you can't tell me that's not the cutest face you've ever seen!"
Urticaria couldn't help but smile in turn, in part due to her friend's probably immoral fascination for inebriated foodstuff, but also because she had to admit that cute usually didn't come in such overdoses as what the wingpony offered.
"I guess these ponies are pretty cute."
"I told you so! Now come on, let's get closer! But carefully. Even though we may be at the top of the food chain, and they are below us, they could still swat us like flies if they see us approaching. They really hate us!" Vivax laughed as she spoke, but just as she had said the last part her face fell slightly. As wrong as it may be to take such a liking to one's food as she had, it still was a little disappointing to be received by ponies as an enemy when she was so fond of them.
"Anyway," she continued in a slightly more low-key manner. "They can't aim in this state, so it should be safe to approach. It is dinner time!"
The two arthropods flew closer, a fact of which the intoxicated ponies were ignorant. With their perception clouded from vivid discussion as well as alcohol the bugs had an easy time approaching. Vivax motioned for them to land on Pinkie's back.
"-no, I'm serious, you ponies! He was a real stud and he approached me looking all handsome, you would've been so jealous!" Dash was standing up in her chair, gesturing animatedly and swaying back and forth in a manner looking most hazardous in her state.
"Now are y'all sure he was a stallion, sugarcube? Ah'm not callin' ya a liar or nothing but ah have a hard time believin' this unless ah'd seen it myself," Applejack interjected. While not quite as flushed as Rainbow, her cheeks had turned a healthy red and she giggled as she turned towards Pinkie Pie. "Y'all were there Pinkie, didya see this 'mysterious stranger' apparently of good looks and wealth?"
Before Pinkie Pie had a chance to reply, Rainbow had gotten up with her forehooves on Applejack's armrest, remaining with her hindlegs on her own chair's ditto - a remarkable balance act given her state of inebriation. Her face was if possible even redder than before as she pressed her muzzle up in Applejack's face.
"Now listen here, Applesmack," Rainbow Dash snarled, putting emphasis on the last syllable. "He was a real hunk of a stallion. I know because I checked! He even had a wiener!" Rainbow's sore expression momentarily shifted into one of triumph as she delivered what she was certain would put an end to the discussion.
Applejack, however, was not impressed, as she shoved Rainbow back into her own chair, all the while laughing and wiping tears out of her eyes.
Vivax turned towards her friend from the vantage point on Pinkie Pie's back. Her eyes shone of excitement, as well as a sense of hurry. "Urticaria look, the evening entertainment has begun! Right now it seems as we're in for an action show, judging from the wingpony's battle stance. We had better hurry up and eat now, it is downright impossible to suck any food out of these ponies after they've caused each other blood loss. Their capillaries just contract too much!"
Vivax quickly flew off Pinkie Pie's back, motioning for her friend to follow. Touching down on the table between the three ponies, she started hurriedly going through the menu.
"So, these three offer very distinct culinary experiences, and you have to choose well, because you can't have all of them or you'll be bloated."
Urticaria looked around at each of the ponies, sniffing the air with her tubular proboscis. Each pony offered her own unique scent, and each scent held a promise of as tasty a meal as the next one. Despite the bunny she had had earlier today, she could feel her oral cavity starting to water in response to the alluring aromas.
"Now, before you choose," Vivax explained. "It is Friday night and you probably figured out by now why I wanted us to eat at this particular establishment." She nudged her friend with a chitinous joint, probably akin to an elbow. "The booze!" A wide grin played on her face as she continued. "Thus, we'll begin by discussing the drinks!"
She gestured towards a thrashing Rainbow Dash who was busy being pinned down in her chair by Applejack. "The wingpony is a lightweight and it is safe to have a large meal of her without becoming too intoxicated! Despite all the usual clues to strong drink being present, such as squint, unsteadiness, blush and so forth, her blood alcohol levels never reach that high of a promille content, and she represents a pretty safe meal. I'd even let my larvae feed from her!"
While the two ponies were busy wrestling each other, Pinkie Pie jumped up on the table and proceeded to drink the remaining cider from the combatants' mugs. The two arthropods narrowly avoided being stepped on by escaping the table and flying up in the air. They stared at each other with shocked expressions, both feeling the rush of having come close to death. Urticaria held a pedipalp to her mesothorax, while panting heavily from the scare. Vivax indicated with a shaking appendage the pony almost responsible for their demise.
"So where was I," she continued, while taking deep breaths in effort to compose herself. "Yes, tasting the pink one is like playing Russian roulette! Forget counting the usual clues, whether she has drunk a lot or not has no correlation with her behavior. You could say she appears just as drunk, or as sober regardless whether her blood is zero promille, or three promille!" Vivax looked wide-eyed at her friend as she explained. "I've seen stronger mosquitoes than us fall unconscious from tasting the pink one on a party night."
She was interrupted by a loud thud, as the wrestling ponies fell from Rainbow's chair onto the wooden boards of the veranda. This did nothing to halt their scuffle, and flailing hooves got entangled with each other as the combatants continued their arguing, verbally as well as physically.
"-you weren't there, Applebrat, so you can't say it didn't happen!" Rainbow wheezed, after which she quickly craned her neck and gave a Applejack's ear a bite.
"Ow! Ya little-" Applejack cried out, touching a hoof to an ear now displaying a red row of teeth marks. With the other hoof she maintained a firm pressure on Rainbow's chest, trying to keep the pegasus pinned down. "Ah know it didn't happen, because little fillyfoolers like y'all don't go around scoring wealthy gentlecolts!"
"Who are you calling a fillyfooler!" Rainbow Dash cried in anger as she planted both her hind hooves on the farm pony's belly, before kicking off and shoving her into the air. Tumbling around, Rainbow found herself on top, sitting on Applejack's chest. "This is what that stallion did to me, and boy was he handsome and stallionlike, and not at all a mare!"
Rainbow punctuated the sentence by bending over and aggressively planting her muzzle right over Applejack's, landing a wet kiss onto the pinned down mare's lips while still growling angrily. Applejack's eyes went wide open as she instinctively shoved the blue face away, causing Rainbow to lose her balance. Seizing the opportunity Applejack rolled over and successfully reversed their positions. On top once more, she glared down at her opponent, grabbing the blue face with both her hooves.
"Ah'll show ya what that stallion didn't do to ya!" she growled as she bent down and aggressively shoved her tongue deep into Rainbow's mouth. The pegasus thrashed wildly in response, but soon locked Applejack's head between both her hooves in turn. The two combatants now held each others' faces in vice like grips, glaring daggers into each others' eyes as they sloppily exchanged saliva in battle. Before long their glares had turned into half-lidded expressions as the two mares got lost in the thrill of combat.
Few seconds passed before Rainbow Dash jerked her head back and angrily shoved Applejack's face away, upon realizing stubbornly that she hadn't gotten the last word in. "No, I'll show you, Applehick, what that stallion did do to me!" she exclaimed and thrust her muzzle square into Applejack's, jabbing straight for the depths of the farm pony's mouth with her tongue, while letting a cascade of insults flow unabated.
"Haw geu yau yike dith Appehaph yau-" Rainbow accused, while forcefully probing the insides of her opponent's mouth.
Applejack pulled her head away, glaring at Rainbow. "Celestia's privates, what's wrong with you! You either argue or you kiss, you can't do both at the same time!"
"Oh yeah? There's nothing I can't do, Applehack! I'll show you!" Rainbow cried as she accepted the challenge, again throwing herself forward to attack the orange muzzle.
The loud noise of shuffling hooves and arguing muffled by kissing almost drenched out Vivax's voice as she turned to her friend to speak. Her compound eyes were panic-stricken and she held both her pedipalps to her face in an effort to focus.
"Urticaria, I think this is the romance show, but it is a little hard to tell. I think we have precious little time!" She nervously paced back and forth as she struggled to keep her voice steady. "The show may be over any second now, and with the way those two exchange bodily fluids they'll both have an activated immune response before long. And let me tell you, Urticaria, pony blood saturated with white blood cells is awfully bitter and distasteful!"
Vivax put a forelimb on her companion's shoulder, while gesturing towards the ponies with the other. "Okay, main course, choose quickly!" She hovered closer to the fighting pair as she quickly explained. "This apple one is an athlete. A healthy meal. The starter is easily digested, with her physique consisting of nothing but skin and muscles. Thus she offers a fantastic capillary blood supply, and you will find your meal almost working itself up your proboscis, without you having to do any sucking at all!"
Urticaria felt her oral cavity water again, just from hearing her companion's description. She could see the defined musculature rippling beneath the skin of the pony's flank, a sight indeed promising of a healthy meal.
"Low carb, low fat!" Vivax continued. "Descendant of a long line of farmers, this pony maintains low blood glucose levels and low serum lipids. While perhaps a bit watery in her taste, and not very sweet, she makes a fantastic main course for the conscious consumer. Low blood pressure too, so her vessel walls are soft and undamaged." The insect's compound eyes trailed skywards as she considered what she had just said. "In fact, you'll feel almost as if your sucker is being pulled inside her by itself!"
Urticaria nodded, a pleased smile playing on her proboscis. She had always been one for eating healthy. Too sweet or fatty foodstuffs turned her stomach.
"The pink course, complete opposite!" Vivax continued hurriedly, pointing towards the pony standing on top of the table. Said pony wore a pleased expression on her face as she tried to harvest the last remaining droplets of cider from a mug, not seeming phased at all by her friends' skirmish below.
"This is my personal favorite. I love having to work for my food! This pony is all subcutaneous fat with poor capillary supply, and it can be hard finding a suitable spot to eat from. Sometimes you have to be patient and do a lot of sucking, but when you finally get there the reward is heavenly!" Vivax eyes trailed skywards as the mere thought of the pony's taste made her heart beat faster. "She has diabetic levels of blood glucose, and very high lipid content. You haven't tasted deliciously sweet until you've tasted this pony. If I didn't know better I'd think this one eats nothing but sweets or cakes and things like that," Vivax added, giggling slightly at her wild guess. She knew of course that ponies' diet consisted of hay and oats, but she couldn't help suspect that this particular pony complemented hers with a lot of sweets. Her fantastically tasty blood just spoke for itself.
"So, as for the wingpony-" Vivax began, but was immediately interrupted.
"Never mind her! It is Friday night and I want to get drunk! I'll have the apple course!" Urticaria squealed in delight, before setting course for the orange pony's flank.
"Then it is pink pony for me!"
~~~~~
The sun had set and in the darkness sat two bloated mosquitoes on the armrest of a chair. From the table next to it came the faint snores of a pink pony. The insects' vantage point provided a good view of two ruffled ponies below, each sporting bruises and bite marks. They were now relaxing in each others' arms, occasionally planting a peck on the other's muzzle, or whispering a sweet nothing.
"I think I'm starting to see what you're talking about, Vivax. This whole pony romance thing is making me feel things I never have before," Urticaria admitted, a blush invisible on her chitinous exoskeleton.
"Urticaria!" Vivax exclaimed, a scandalized expression, but not one of disapproval playing on her face. "If I didn't know better I'd say you're drunk!" She punctuated the sentence with a burp.
"And so are you," Urticaria teased, jabbing a playful pedipalp at her companion's side. "Just watching these ponies, it makes my ovipositor tingle."
"Is that so," Vivax said, a hint of uncertainty in her voice. "Well, now that you mention it, my Johnston's organ is erect. How, um, peculiar."
Urticaria turned towards her friend, a bedroom expression on her compound eyes as she whispered huskily. "My Malpighian tubule system registers reproductive stimulants emanating from your metathoracic glands."
"Urticaria!" Vivax protested, although her voice didn't exclusively convey disapproval. "Don't look at me like that, aren't we both female anophelinae?"
"So what?" Urticaria shrugged. "Look at those ponies, they're both female, aren't they? It doesn't seem to stop them."
"I wouldn't know, I don't make a habit out of looking between ponies' legs," Vivax responded, smirking slightly at her insinuation.
"Well, neither do I, but I'm pretty sure."
The mosquitoes cast another glance down at the cuddling ponies, and both of them soon felt the rush of reproductive hormones cascading through their hemolymphatic systems. Vivax had slowly started breathing heavier, and now turned towards her friend carefully eyeing her for hints of arousal. Finding her sudden desires harder and harder to quell, she hesitantly approached her companion with pedipalps raised in invitation. A sultry moan immediately escaped Urticaria's proboscis as she eagerly lifted her tarsomeres to her partner's metathorax, and let them slide down abdominal segment by abdominal segment, occasionally lingering in the intersegmental crevices, smearing her tarsomeres with Vivax's metathoracic glands' mucoserous excretions.
"Yes, Urticaria, yes," Vivax sighed, in turn wrapping her chitinous clad cranial pair of tibiae around the antepronotum of her fellow anophelinae, while closing her compound eyes in pleasure.
Urticaria worked her tarsomeres ever downwards along Vivax's eager metasoma, and as she approached her throbbing cercus, the orifice in question glistening with mucocutaneous secretions, the mosquitoes' hearts started beating faster; both now on the brink of climax. To finish the deed, Urticaria lifted a trembling cranial antebrachium towards her partner's—
SWAT!
"Dashie! Applejack! I just caught two mosquitoes! If I hadn't, you two would've been in for quite the itch tomorrow!" Pinkie celebrated, waving her hooves at the two ponies on the floor. "I think I caught them looking at you, probably planning to suck you galses' blood! I'd hate for anything to ruin a moment between two lovers," she added as an afterthought.
She stopped and looked at her hooves, noticing the smeared mosquito remains on them.
"Oh, ew, blood."
