Unrequited

by SilverStar7

Rating: teen
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Drama
Length: 3951

Rainbow Dash has realized her feelings for Applejack! To this, the farmpony reacts, not with matched affection, but anger.

After much soul searching, Rainbow Dash has realized that she loved Applejack all along. All those years of games and playful banter have added up to a perfect revelation of love! In a flash, she shot across the sky toward AJ's farm and her bright future with the mare of her dreams.

But Applejack is less than enthused about this turn of events. In fact, she's downright furious.

Published 2018-02-07 18:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-01 13:33:48 UTC

But I Love You

Applejack's mouth rested open, jaw slack. Her green eyes stared into Rainbow Dash's face. The Stetson hat she wore upon the crown of her head provided little shade now that she stood upright. Beads of sweat from the day's work covered her, reflecting and refracting the white of the sun. A handful sat upon the bridge of her muzzle, shining as new-formed freckles. All of her was framed by the greens of her orchard and the pale blue of the mid-day sky.

And in that moment, it became even more obvious to Rainbow Dash that her whole life had been leading up to this. This hard-working, honest, beautiful mare was everything that this dare-devil ever dared dream of.

"I know it's a lot," she said. "I mean, I just figured it all out this morning. But, well, I knew it all along, really. We've been best friends for years now! And, in hindsight, it's so obvious that we were always meant to be more!"

Brow furrowing, Applejack's eyes squinted. "Who put you up to this?"

The pegasus' head cocked to the side. "Huh? Nopony put--"

"Consarn it, Dash! I don't give a rotten slop-apple for yer pranks right now. This ain't funny! I know it weren't Pinkie. She ain't that cruel. You said 'nopony.' Was it Discord?"

"What?" The impact hit Rainbow's joy square in her chest. "No! AJ, I swear, it's not a joke! I was thinking about what Rarity said to us at her last fashion line showing, about how she wants to find somepony to share her dream with. And I thought 'Hey, I'm living my dream. Who do I want to share it with?' and I just kept coming back to you! You're the one, AJ. You're my dream."

The whole of Applejack's body shook now. "Stop it! You don't-- I'm not-- For Celest-- Raagh!" The earth pony lifted her front hooves and brought them back to the ground, causing the dirt to indent and apples to fall from the nearest dozen trees. As her eyes burned the ground, a violent snort escaped her nostrils, pushing aside some of the dust kicked up by her act.

Beads of sweat had now grown upon Dash's face. "AJ, I'm not trying to trick you. Honest. I'm trying to say 'I lo--.'"

Applejack's head shot up. Teeth grit and brow wrinkled, her mere gaze locked Rainbow's mouth closed. As the fragments of soil settled to the ground and the air staled, the two breathed. Dash began to tear.

And so did AJ, as she stepped toward her friend. "Don't you dare say that, you filly of a stormbringer!"

Rainbow's lip quivered. Each blink brought fresh tears to mix with the sweat that had pooled at the bottom of her face. "Stormbringer?"

"And yer welcome for it too!" Applejack said, "I'm doin' y'all a kindness, ya hear? If y'all'd just called me a 'filthy mudpony' years ago, it've made ma life a lot easier. You'd've spared me a lot a sleepless nights!"

Pointing her hoof at the pegasus, Applejack continued, "But Ah knew y'all would do this! Ah told Fluttershy 'smuch a year ago. Y'all can ask her yerself." Nodding, Applejack continued, "In fact, do that. Ya wanna know 'what's wrong?' Go ask one o' my real friends about it."

Head shaking, Rainbow Dash's eyes widened. "No." Applejack turned and began to trot away. "Nooo!" Rainbow threw herself to the ground and grabbed Applejack's hind legs.

Stopped by the action, Applejack looked back and down at her friend. "Dash, why're y'all still here?"

"Please, AJ! Please, tell me we're still friends."

"Fine, we're friends! Now will ya let me go?" Applejack pulled away, but Rainbow Dash retained her grip.

"AJ, I can't lose you! I'll take it all back. I'll do everything I can to stop loving you, if that's what it takes!"

Opening her mouth, Applejack blinked several times. She then bit her lip.

The silence hung.

The white clouds above moved along their set paths. For a moment, one obscured the sun, only for Celestia's light to reemerge a minute later. Rainbow had landed somewhat on her side, and one of her wings was beginning to grow numb under the weight of her body, but she did not move it, for fear that any movement would unravel her whole life.

With a heavy sigh, Applejack said, "Dash, I can't not be yer friend. We'll be friends as long as trees grow apples and rain falls from the sky." She then looked up at that sky, shaking her head in slow, deliberate shakes. "Y'all just don't know what yer doin' to me."

"Then tell me," said Rainbow. "Whatever it is, I'm sorry!"

"Yer sorry?!" Applejack laughed at the lunacy of the statement. "Dash, I called y'all a stormbringer. Ya should be downright furious at me!"

"Well, I'm not. And I don't care about that. I just wanna know what I did wrong."

"No, Dash. Ya did nothin'. Ah'm the pony who's gotta be sorry." When Applejack blinked, a small tear came out of one eye. "It isn't what ya did ta me. It's what Ah did to maself. And ta you. For years."

"What are you talking about? You didn't do anything to me."

Gesturing toward the air, Applejack said, "Not out here." She then put a hoof to her chest. "In here. In here, Ah tried to make maself think y'all were the worst pony in all of Equestria. Ah thought of everythin' ya ever done wrong. Everything that made ya bad. Ah told maself it was all true. Because if y'all were that bad, Ah wouldn't..." On her next blink, two tears spouted forth.

"Wouldn't what?"

The mare took a moment to wipe her eyes before continuing. "Yer just not that bad of a pony, Dash. Sure, yer stubborn and obnoxious and impulsive. Ah think yer prideful as sin one half the day and lazy as they come the other. But y'ain't cruel. Y'ain't greedy or spiteful. And once ya do got yer tail outta bed, or a cloud, y'ain't afraid to put in an honest day's work."

"AJ." Rainbow Dash waited for Applejack to look back at her. When she did, Dash asked, "Why did you want to think I was bad?"

Turning away, Applejack muttered, "'Cause hatin' somepony who don't hate ya back is a lot easier than lovin' somepony who don't love ya back."

Dash's eyes went wide upon realizing the implications of her friend's words. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Applejack sniffled. "Ah couldn't. Hearin' ya say that ya didn't feel the same way would'a been just awful. Even though Ah thought ya might feel the same way, Ah needed ta know fer sure. If Ah'd truly loved ya, Ah'd've done it without that.

"And even if Ah weren't such a coward, Ah also couldn't handle the thought of you sayin' 'yes' ta me." Raising her hoof, Applejack gently lifted her hat off of her head and placed it over her heart. "Ah'mma tell ya the truth, Dash. Ah don't know nothin' about romance. Ah don't know how ta court or date or even say somethin' nice without messin' it all up. But Ah'd only get one shot ta get it right. How could Ah ever be ready for somethin' that important?

"But if ya love somepony, yer supposed ta be willin' ta take that risk." Another pair of tears fell from Applejack's eyes. "Ah just wasn't. Ah guess Ah didn't love ya enough...

"Ah think Ah loved the idea of being with you more than Ah really loved you." The mare placed her hat back upon her head. "Ah just liked imaginin' it. Thinkin' about y'all holdin' me in the shade of a tree, or bringin' me a raincloud when ma crops were thristy, or feelin' ya put a blanket on me if Ah fell asleep on the porch waitin' for ya after a hard day o' work. But whenever Ah thought about it fer real? Ah knew it was just in ma head."

Sighing, Rainbow Dash let go of Applejack's leg and pulled herself up. "AJ, look at me." The pegasus waited until the farm pony turned her head back to face her. Dash then said, "I can do that for you."

But Applejack shook her head. "That stuff can't really happen, Dash."

"Sure it can," said Rainbow Dash. "I wanna do all that and more! I can give you a hoof massage when your hoofs hurt from bucking apples. We can lie on a blanket together and count Luna's stars. Or I can race you to Sugarcube Corner and have the winner buy us both a milkshake."

Eyebrow raised, Applejack said, "Don'tcha mean 'the loser buys a milkshake?'"

"Well, no 'cause..." Rainbow grinned and blushed. "'Cause getting to share a milkshake with you is pretty much the best first place prize I could imagine."

Applejack facehoofed. "Sweet Celestia, Dash. Ya can't just say stuff like that!" AJ shook her head. "So ya wanna do all that mushy stuff, huh? Well let me ask ya this: do ya also wanna hold ma hair back when Ah'm sick and blowin' chunks in the bathroom at two in the mornin'? Or be the one ta sleep on the couch after we just had a fight? Or hear me complain about uneven rows in the south field for the dozenth time? Did ya ever think about that kinda stuff?"

Rainbow Dash was taken aback. "Well, I hadn't thought those things specifically, but I know that sorta thing happens."

"And that's the problem, Dash," said Applejack. "Ah have thought about those things. Specifically! Ah thought about how much extra work Ah'd have to put in the next day to make up for bein' out late on a date. About all the hassle of havin' Twilight do her cloud-walkin' spell and rentin' a balloon to go visit yer folks in Cloudsdale. About worryin' about yer safety every time ya do one o' yer flight shows.

"Ah realized a long time ago that, no matter how Ah felt, our lives are just too complicated. And they're just gettin' worse! Now y'all gotta travel all over Equestria as a Wonderbolt, but Ah still gotta stay here. We both work dangerous jobs, and have dangerous hobbies, and we both know neither of us is gonna stop anytime soon. We're independent ponies, you and me. If we're honest with ourselves, Ah think we both know we don't work."

Rainbow Dash let her eyes fall to the ground in front of her. They scanned the dust and dirt and grasses as if searching them for wisdom. After a few moments, she came back with, "You're an athlete, too. You know you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. How do we know we won't work until we give it a try?"

Applejack snorted. "Because bein' together ain't about milkshakes, for pony sake! It's about sharin' life. And Ah don't think ya really considered that before ya flew over here. Ah think ya just let yer feelings and impulses get the better of ya. Which is why Ah just wanted y'all ta go home." Again, Applejack looked away from her friend. "After a cold shower and a good night's sleep, you'll see Ah was right all along."

"AJ, please, just listen to me!" The farmpony turned back around fully, the two now looking eye-to-eye. "I know I don't always think stuff through. But just because I didn't think of anything specific beforehoof doesn't mean I don't know it'll be hard.

"I don't just want to be with you for fun. I wanna be up working a late harvest until dawn and then still have to go to practice in the morning. I wanna put up with licking two hundred envelopes to send out for the next Apple family reunion. I wanna help you haul a new plow, on hoof, all the way back from Fillydelphia, because you found one that was 30 bits cheaper and didn't want to waste the savings on delivery fees, even though I told you it wasn't worth it, and complained about how silly you were being, the whole way there."

Applejack's muzzle twitched as she smiled, but she then closed her eyes and frowned. "Ya don't mean that, though. Ah know ya think ya do, but in a week? Y'all'll--"

"Hey!" Rainbow said, her voice cracking. "You said it yourself: I'm an independent pony. Don't tell me how to think, okay?"

After a blink, Applejack nodded.

"If you're really sure I need to give it some time, I can do that. I've already waited a few years, so it's not like a few more days are gonna ruin anything. But this isn't gonna be like a pulled coracoid where I can just 'fly it off.' I'm gonna feel the same way about you when this week is over."

"Dash, that still ain't gonna make our lives less hectic," said Applejack. "This weekend ain't good for me. Y'all might have the weekend off work, but Ah've gotta work from sunrise to sunset to replace the fencin' for the pig sty on Saturday, so Ah won't be up for goin' out that night. And if Ah don't get it all done, that's the first half o' Sunday gone too!"

Rainbow Dash shook her head. "There's no way fixing that fence is gonna take you two days."

Groaning, Applejack rolled her eyes. "But that's just it, Rainbow. Ah like yer optimism 'smuch as the next pony, but everything takes longer than ya think it's gonna take. Life happens! Ya just can't know for sure with this stuff."

"Yes I can," said Dash. "Because even if I have to be up before I usually go to bed, I'm gonna come help you."

"What?" Applejack said, taken aback. "Yer gonna come put up fences with me? On yer day off?"

"Yep," Rainbow smiled. "If you can't make date night, I'll just have to make it a date day."

Applejack chuckled. "Ah gotta admit, Dash. Yer a might better sweet talker than Ah'd've ever thought." She then shook her head. "But Ah don't wanna lead ya on. Ya got no clue how much Ah wanna say 'yes.' Believe me, Ah do! But Ah'm not gonna use ya for favors." Her frown returned. "And Ah don't know if Ah can let maself feel that way about ya again. Ah did it once, but Dash, Ah don't think ma heart can handle more years spent gettin' over ya."

"First of all, who says it has to?" Reaching over, Rainbow put a hoof on AJ's shoulder. "And second, I'm not saying you need to commit to getting married and moving in to a house in the suburbs with better tax rates or anything. You don't have to feel anything. All I want is to help you put up a fence this weekend. Nothing else." Rainbow Dash gave her friend a gentle smile. "Does that sound so bad?"

Looking down at Dash's hoof, Applejack sighed. "Yeah, it does."

Letting go of her friend's shoulder, Rainbow backed away several steps.

"You're offerin' ta help me a whole heap; fence makin's terrible! Ah can't letcha do that for nothin'." Then AJ looked up at her friend with a slight grin. "But if ya do it, maybe Ah can let ya buy me a milkshake when we're done, if that's okay."

Beaming, Dash replied, "Well, I think that would be the best 'thank you' you could give me."

Author's Note

I see many stories on this site of, for lack of a term, "realized love," where Character A, after years, at last recognizes how much they love Character B and - what luck! - Character B loves them back! Kiss, happy ending, much feels, etc. It isn't that I don't enjoy those kinds of stories (in fact, I can be quite a sucker for them) but I question the likelihood of that response. It makes sense if Character B also had a recent epiphany, but that seems unlikely. It is more plausible that B has felt this way for a long time, and when faced with such cognitive dissonance, we tend to rationalize our own inaction. Perhaps B decided that rationale was due to not actually wanting to pursue things and, as time wore on, that B grew resentful at this unrequited love?

That is this story.

I'm sure someone, somewhere, did it before. Either way, I felt it was an idea worth exploring. (Also, I must have seen something like that first milkshake line somewhere else before. If anyone knows where, let me know, because there's no way I came up with something like that on my own. :rainbowderp:)

Bonus Epilogue: But I Forgive You

Luna's stars rested across the deep purple night. The few clouds in the air were swirled and wispy, not quite blocking the lights glittering behind them. The brightest light source was the moon, which cast down a square patch of light that illuminated a brown hat sitting on the boards of the upper hay-loft of Applejack's barn. The hat's owner was not looking out at the beautiful nighttime sky. She wasn't looking anywhere.

Applejack's back was leaning against the wall beside the window. Her hat was to her left and to her right was an almost empty bottle. In her hoof was a note she had written. She had tried to pour out her pain and fill the vacancy with cider. Whether or not the tactic had worked depended on how one defined "worked." To Applejack, it did.

More or less.

She still didn't have clarity about her feelings, and she knew that clouding her mind didn't help, but it at least didn't make things any worse than they already were. And the emotional lubrication it offered had helped the words to flow out onto the paper she had brought out there. Why was it so hard to get her heart to talk when it felt like it was shouting at her from her chest?

Without warning, a sky colored pegasus with a rainbow mane streaked in through the window, sliding and stopping just before she reached the edge of the loft. Looking all around, she spotted Applejack and galloped toward her. "AJ, are you okay?!" she shouted.

"Good gravy, Dash!" Now breathing somewhat heavily from the shock of her friend's sudden appearance, Applejack put a hoof to her chest, feeling her heart rate rise. "What in tarnation gives y'all the right ta come chargin' in here like that?"

"Big Mac came to my house and said I needed to come talk to you. He..." Rainbow bit her lip. "He said you came out here with a quill and paper and a bottle of cider."

Looking at the items beside her, Applejack's eyes went wide and she looked back at Rainbow. "Wha-- y'all thought? No! Ah'd never do that! Ah swear! Ah just... Ah just needed some time alone..."

Raising an eyebrow, Dash asked, "So what's with the paper?"

"Well, it's a letter. But it's just a letter letter. Nothin' like what y'all were thinkin'."

Rainbow Dash let the air out of her lungs and walked the rest of the way over to Applejack. She then sat down next to her, gently pushing the farmpony's hat to the side to avoid sitting on it. "Who's it for?"

Picking up the sheet, Applejack looked it over again. "Ah guess it's addressed to the stars."

Glancing at the paper, Rainbow saw "Dear Ma and Pa" written at the top. Upon seeing that, she immediately looked away. "Is it about what happened this morning?"

Applejack nodded. "The first time Ah thought about ya like that, Ah wrote a letter. It made it easier ta think about. And after a while, Ah think it was helpin' me let go. So after today, Ah felt like Ah needed another one ta make sense of it all.

"A part of me wishes it hadn't gone wrong, but Ah know this was how it was suppose ta be. Ah think y'all were always meant ta be my favorite regret. And Ah knew if Ah ever talked to ya, Ah'd ruin everythin'." Grabbing her bottle with her free hoof, Applejack lifted it up and drained the remainder of the contents down her throat.

"I don't think you ruined everything. Talking about this stuff is hard for anypony. You don't need to beat yourself up about it."

"Yer a few hours too late for that." Applejack set down the empty bottle. "Ah already feel just awful."

"And I'd say anything if I thought it would make you feel better."

At this, Applejack looked into Dash's eyes. "Ya mean it?" she asked.

"Absolutely."

"Ya promise?"

A light smile on her face, Rainbow placed a hoof over an eye.

Taking a deep breath and nodding, Applejack said, "Tell me you'll never forgive me."

Dash dropped her hoof and blinked.

"Go on!" Applejack let out something between a cough and a sob. "Ya swore ya'd say it!"

"AJ..." Rainbow Dash leaned in and gave Applejack a hug, which caused her to break down.

Leaning into Rainbow Dash, Applejack pushed her face into her rainbow mane. "Ya gotta t-tell me yer angry. Ya can't-- Don't hug me like yer doin' right now!"

Caressing the other mare's back, Rainbow rested her head against Applejack's. "But I love hugging you."

"H-h-hugs are earned. And love is earned!" Applejack's arms hugged Rainbow Dash, and her shoulders began to shake. "So don't say ya love me neither!"

For a time, the two embraced. Rainbow Dash could feel Applejack shivering as tears spilled from her eyes. The sharp smell of cider filled Dash's nostrils. She noted the greasy feel of sweat on Applejack's back. Rainbow Dash pressed into the hug further.

"Why won't ya say how mad you are?"

"Applejack, I said I'd say anything to make you feel better," said Dash. "I just don't think that's gonna make you feel better."

"That's not how this works," said Applejack. "Ah messed up bad. Ah saw yer face. Ah know it hurt."

Rainbow bit her lip. "I... I guess it did."

"Ah knew it!" Applejack wailed. "And there ain't enough hours from now to eternity for me ta make it right."

"You don't have to do anything. I know you didn't mean it to hurt like that."

"But Ah did! Ah wanted ta hurt you so bad. Ah wanted ta say the worst thing Ah could imagine. And Ah actually said it!" Applejack pressed her forehead into Rainbow's neck as she shook her head.

Dash sighed. "Well, I forgive you."

Her voiced muffled as she spoke into Rainbow's chest, Applejack asked, "How can ya just forgive me?"

Rainbow Dash rubbed her hoof against AJ's back and said, "Because of that thing you said I can't say."

Author's Note

This bonus chapter was inspired by two sources.

The primary was Spark Plug, whose comment here made me realize that this part of the story was worth looking at. His story, Made for Another World, is one of my all time favorites here and also touches on the idea of unearned forgiveness. If you haven't read it yet, I'd highly recommend it.

The other was the song My Favorite Regret by Josh Woodward, which is a great look at a core concept of this story and, when I was listening to his music while thinking about this chapter, I knew instantly that I had to use that expression. He's a Creative Commons artist and if you aren't familiar with his work, definitely check it out.