Aria's Plan

by chillbook1

Rating: teen
Tags: Dazzlings, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Random, Main 7 (EqG)
Length: 3097

The Dazzlings try Aria's plan for defeating the Rainbooms

A year has passed since Adagio failed her sisters at the Battle of the Bands, and Aria thinks she could have done it better. They follow Aria's plan, which turns out to be a bit less peaceful than her sister's.

My entry into EbonQuill's Dark Reprise: Dazzlings Contest, on the low road path (Dazzlings Ascendant)

Published 2017-10-12 13:20:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-12 13:20:11 UTC

Gratata!

“Alright, Adagio, I’ve been thinking.”

Adagio looked up from her book, a bit confused and concerned by her sister’s sudden declaration. She hadn’t seen much of Aria for the past week, and that normally meant that she was up to something. The dark duffel bag over her shoulder, black bandana tied around her mouth and black trench coat she wore only served to heighten Adagio’s tension.

“Er… I had a joke about how new that must be to you,” said Adagio. “But your outfit is a bit disconcerting, so I think I’ll refrain.”

“Where’s dummy? This concerns her.”

“Here I am!” Sonata leapt from the living room couch where she was formerly napping and tossed herself onto the round table in the Siren’s kitchen, nearly knocking over Adagio’s tea. “What’s up, Ari?”

“So, it’s been a year since we got our asses kicked by the knock off Sailor Scouts at CHS,” said Aria. “And while you two have been stuffing your faces with disgusting human food and shitty romance novels—”

“I’ll have you know, E.L. James is a literary mastermind, and you will show her some respect!” exclaimed Adagio.

“Anyway, we got fucked last year, and I’ve been thinking.” Aria slung her duffel bag onto the table. “I was thinking about how we lost, and what we could’ve done differently. I picked it apart and I think I see why we failed.”

“We lost because the Rainbooms are cheaters,” huffed Sonata. “You can’t just add someone to your band when you start losing! That’s no fair!”

“No, you dunce,” countered Adagio. “We lost because we underestimated our opponents and gave them too many opportunities to defeat us!”

“Both of you are wrong.” Aria unzipped her duffel bag and, from its depths, withdrew a Colt AR-15 semi-automatic rifle. “We lost because we were fighting with songs instead of bullets.”

“What the shit, Aria?!” Adagio jumped from her seat, instinctively putting her hands up in surrender. “Where did you get a gun?!”

“I didn’t get a gun. What are you, fucking stupid?” Aria set down the rifle and dove back into her bag, returning with a TEC-9, three Glocks, and a 12-gauge shotgun. “I got hella guns. So, here’s the plan—”

“No, Aria, here’s the plan.” Adagio slowly backed away. “You’re going to return those guns to whatever Middle Eastern warmonger you borrowed them from and me and Sonata are going to get the proper hell out of here.”

“Look, we’ve got no pendants. No magic. We can’t sing worth a damn anymore,” explained Aria. “Plus, we did your thing already. Now, we get to do mine, and my plan involves going up to CHS and dumping a mountain of hot lead on, in, and around those friendship assholes.”

“Aria, what you’re suggesting is a school shooting.”

“I fail to see your point.”

“I… If you can’t immediately see what’s wrong with that, I don’t think I can explain it to you.” Adagio clutched her head. “Okay, let’s follow your psychotic plan to fruition. We take these guns to CHS and mow down everyone that even looks at us funny. We kill the Rainbooms and everyone else that could oppose us. Then what?”

“I don’t see why there needs to be a ‘then’. That’s it,” said Aria. “We win.”

“What is the point of that?!”

“What was the point of us taking over the world in the first place? We could’ve easily kept on sustaining ourselves the way we were doing before Sunset Shimmer brought the magic over. What was the point of staying here when there was an obvious path back home that we could’ve taken? What’s the point of Sonata scarfing down chalupas and tin cans when, as I’ve said a million times before, we don’t need to eat! Half the shit she eats isn’t even edible to humans!”

Both Aria and Adagio directed their gaze to Sonata, who was quietly chewing on her own shirt. It took her a few minutes to notice the stares, but, when she did, Sonata pulled the cotton from her mouth.

“In my defense,” said Sonata. “If I’m not supposed to eat it, why is it so colorful?”

“Because no one in the fashion industry realized that, one day, they’d have to dress a brainless bimbo with the eating habits of a goat,” said Adagio with a roll of her eyes.

“Two shades, Adagio.” Sonata nodded sagely. “Two shades…”

“It’s ‘touché’, you proper fucking muppet.”

“Muppets?!” squealed Sonata, unable to contain her excitement. “Sesame Street is on?! I wonder what letter we’re gonna learn about today!”

It got quiet for a moment as Aria and Adagio contemplated the decisions that had brought them to this point.

“You know, I almost envy her,” said Adagio, shaking her head in disbelief. “Her life must be so simple and happy.”

“Just… Nothing’s going on up there,” said Aria, equally bemused. “Anyway, we doing this or what?”

“Aria, this is absolute madness,” said Adagio. “I know we're considered fairly evil—”

“I always saw us more as chaotic neutral, really.”

“But even I have enough of a conscious to realize that this is despicable. I won't allow you to turn CHS into the sequel to Sandy Hook!”

“The Sandy Hook sequel came out?!” gasped Sonata. “I loved that movie! Can we go see it?! Pretty, pretty please?!”

“Sonata, Sandy Hook was a massacre that resulted in 20 children dying.”

“I don't care what RottenTomatoes said, it was a good movie and I can't wait to see Sandy Hook 2: This Time, It's Personal.”

Aria quietly grabbed Sonata by the shoulders and lifted her up, carried her to a chair, and deposited her there. She then ventured to their fridge, grabbed a cereal box from on top, and handed it to Sonata.

“Have a snack, Nata,” said Aria. “The grown-ups are talking.”

“Okie!” said Sonata, immediately clamping her jaws onto the cardboard box.

“Alright, where were we?”

“We were back at the original problem of you cannot massacre a school to kill seven girls that rubbed you wrong,” groaned Adagio. “How is this even a debate?!”

“Alright, fine, Ms. No-Collateral-Damage. We have Sonata message them before school telling them to meet us by the statue,” said Aria. “We tell them we wanna join their friendship cult, and when they come to indoctrinate us…”

“Gratata!” exclaimed Sonata. She leapt from her seat, dropped her snack to the ground, and grabbed one of the handguns, which she began swinging wildly. “Bang! Bam! Brrrra! Ha, you're dead, loser! Switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading!”

“Sonata, put down that gun before you kill us all!” shouted Adagio, ducking for cover.

“Relax, ya plumbus,” said Aria. “They’re not loaded.”

BANG!

The gun in Sonata’s hand went off, sending a bullet flying into Adagio’s arm. She immediately crumpled under her own weight, falling to the ground and letting out a blood-curdling scream.

“SON OF A FUCK!”

“Oh. Guess I left one in the chamber.” Aria shrugged, then grabbed the gun from Sonata. “Sorry, forgot to pop it. That one’s my bad.”

“ARIA BLAZE, YOU STUPID FUCK!”

“Calm down, snowflake. I’ll patch you up. Put some pressure on that wound so you don’t bleed out,” said Aria. “Sonata, go get the morphine and the first aid kit.”

“Okay!” Sonata gleefully skipped away to gather the first aid kit they kept in the bathroom. “We might not have much left, though. I think I finished the last refill bottle.”

“Whatever, just grab it. If it’s not enough, we can go half and half with liquor.”

“Why do we have morphine?!” demanded Adagio.

“Well, originally, I bought it so Sonata would have something to snack on in between the cans and boxes, but I figured it’s smart to keep some around in case something shitty like this ever happened.” Aria looked down at her sister, still bleeding onto the floor. “Seriously, you’re gonna die if you don’t wrap something around that. A shoelace or something. I think Sonata nicked an artery.”

“I hate you so goddamn much!”

“If that’s the case, I’ll keep the painkillers and booze to myself.”

Adagio went to swear at her sister, then realized how much she really wanted both of those things.

“I apologize for my outburst,” said Adagio, as calmly as one could do with a hole in their arm.

“I’m back!” said Sonata, skipping into the room with the first aid kit in tow.

“Good. Now, hold still,” said Aria. “I’ve gotta stitch you up, and I don’t wanna hear any bitching or crying.

Twelve hours, 150 mg of morphine, four vodka martinis, and a considerable amount of bitching and crying later

“Okay, here we go,” said Aria, checking her trench coat to ensure her weapons were secured. She turned to her sisters, both in similar trench coats, then pointed to the six girls waiting by the portal statue in front of the school. “There they are. You two ready?”

“Yupperooni!” said Sonata giddily.

“Ugh… Let’s get this over with,” groaned Adagio, clutching her head. “I just wanna sleep off this hangover and be done with it…”

“Cool. Follow my lead, and wait for my signal.”

Aria led the charge, bringing her sisters (and their large amount of weaponry) forward to the Rainbooms. As it was the early hours of the morning, before school was scheduled to begin, the Rainbooms seemed thoroughly exhausted. Aria fought to keep her grin in check. This would be too easy.

“Yo, what’s up?” said Aria as they approached. “Been a while, huh?”

“Yeah, you’ll have to forgive me if I’m a bit uneasy,” said Sunset. Apparently, she was the new leader of the Rainbooms now that Princess Twilight had gone home. Aria decided she’d save her for last. “We’ve got a few questions for you. Like where’ve you been?”

“What have you been up to?” asked Rainbow suspiciously.

“Why are you wearing those horrid coats in May?” asked Rarity, asking the important questions, as per usual.

“Now?” asked Sonata. “Can we—”

“Sonata, shut up!” hissed Adagio. Sunset peered at the sisters, something not quite sitting right with her. She marched forward, inspecting the three Sirens the way a drill sergeant would look at a fresh batch of recruits.

“What’s going on with Sonata, hm?” asked Sunset. “That text she sent us was weird. Didn’t sound much like Sonata.”

“That’s because it was me,” said Aria. “I didn’t want her to give away the surprise. But we can talk about that later. Right now… How have you guys been?”

“No offense, Aria,” said Applejack. “But Ah don’t really peg ya as the small talkin’ type. This don’t seem right.”

“It does seem a bit suspicious,” said Fluttershy with a timid nod. “What do you think, Pinkie?”

All eight other girls turned their attention to Pinkie Pie, who was currently asleep on the concrete.

“Mhmm… Yes, I’ll have another stack, Mr. Fluffles…” she muttered in her sleep. “Just cover me in syrup…”

“She doesn’t know how to feel about you?” tried Fluttershy.

“In any case,” said Sunset, returning to her friends. “It’s been a year. Why now?”

“Now?” asked Sonata, far too loudly and close to Adagio’s ear. “Do I get to—”

Adagio firmly slapped her sister upside the head, effectively shutting her down.

“Sonata, with God as my witness, I will choke you out,” said Adagio, her voice scarcely higher than a whisper. “Shut the whole hell up.”

“Sorry…”

“Anyway,” said Aria, shaking her head. “Why now? I don’t really know. I figured now’s as good a time as any to change our ways. I thought you’d understand.”

“Well, I kinda started my reformation process immediately,” said Sunset. “So I can’t help but feel as if you’re up to something.”

Aria grinned, then slowly began unzipping her coat.

“Well, maybe we are up to a little something,” admitted Aria. “Remember that surprise we were talking about?”

“Now?!” asked Sonata, doing her best to shout and whisper at the same time.

“Yes, Sonata. Now.”

Sonata let out a squeal of delight and swiftly reached into her coat. Adagio and Aria did the same, the latter grinning with the unique satisfaction one only gets when seeing a plan go off without a hitch. The three Sirens withdrew their weapons, aiming an eclectic mix of machine pistols, handguns, and shotguns at the Rainbooms, their shocked, horrified looks reaffirming to Aria that her plan was brilliant.

“See you in hell, losers,” said Aria.

The air was filled with the sound of gunfire, not subsiding for several moments. Sonata and Aria cackled like madmen, whereas Adagio winced at the insane amount of pain she was currently in. Between the morphine and the vodka, she was having one hell of a hangover, and she really wanted the Rainbooms dead so she could go and take a nap.

After nearly a minute of continuous fire, Aria dropped her guns and gestured for her cohorts to stop. They did as ordered (thought not as quickly as Adagio would have liked) and, when the smoke cleared, they gazed upon the bullet-riddled corpses of their enemies bleeding onto the concrete.

That’s what was supposed to happen, at least.

“I knew you were up to something!” yelled Sunset. “Really, you guys?! Guns?! I thought we fought with magic and harmless lasers around here!”

“How the hell did you survive?!” demanded Aria. “You see this?” She held up her revolver. “This is the greatest handgun ever made. The Colt Single Action Army. It’s got six bullets... More than enough to kill anything that moves. And I don’t miss, I aimed directly at your stupid face, Shimmer!”

“Did you really think mere bullets could break my barriers?” asked Rarity. She waved her hand through the air, causing the area around her and her friends to shimmer, eventually becoming a shining diamond-like barrier of light.

“Good reflexes, by the way,” said Sunset. “You’re getting better.”

“Thank you, darling, but I can hardly take all of the credit,” said Rarity with a tiny curtsey. “It was actually Rainbow Dash who warned me. We’ve been training our powers together, and she used her speed to signal to me that I should put my shield up.”

“Yeah, and if that failed, I could’ve easily gotten us out of the way,” said Rainbow Dash with a shrug. “And, worst come to worst, I’m pretty sure AJ could’ve blocked the shots for us.”

“Eeyup,” Applejack agreed. “Woulda hurt like hell, but Ah imagine Ah could’ve taken it if it came to it. Once Ah turn my strength on, my skin is basically rock. Ain’t nothing gettin’ through.”

“What the bitch?!” Aria tugged at her pigtails. “You assholes have superpowers now?!”

“We kinda always had superpowers, if you think about it…” said Fluttershy. “Just… Very specific, music-themed superpowers.”

“But this is some Avengers shit right here!”

“Dude, we’re definitely the Justice League,” said Rainbow. “DC for life!”

“Huh?” Pinkie Pie, who had somehow managed to sleep through that whole ordeal, suddenly snapped awake. “What’s going on? Is it time for class yet?”

“Pinkie, they just tried to shoot us,” said Sunset.

“Oh, cool, wake me when homeroom starts.”

And, just like that, she was back to sleep. Aria felt her eye twitch in frustration at what had just transpired. Her anger wasn’t helped by the snickering of her sister behind her.

“And what the hell is so funny about this, Adagio?” demanded Aria.

“This is a real cracker of a plan, Aria,” snickered Adagio. “Truthfully, we should have followed your lead all along!”

“Yeah, at least my plan didn’t end up with our only real weapon taken away from us!”

“I’m confused,” said Sonata, not for the first time in her life. She aimed her gun. “How come it didn’t work? Do I need to shoot harder?”

“Sonata, no!”

BANG!

Rarity brought up her barrier again, blocking the bullet. The round hit the shield and bounced, flying past Sonata, past Aria, and burying itself directly into Adagio’s good shoulder.

“HOLY FUCK, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!”

“Seriously, that's kind of incredible,” said Aria. “Hope you saved some of that morphine, sis. You're gonna need it.”

“Come on, guys, I was really hoping you'd turn your lives around,” complained Sunset. “Now we've gotta thwart your plans again, it's too early for that shit. I don't wanna pony up right now…”

“We don't have to,” said Fluttershy. “We could call the police.”

“Huh. I guess you're right. Shy?”

“Already on it.”

“Huh. That was anticlimactic,” noted Sonata. “I thought things were gonna, like, blow up or something.”

“SONATA, SHUT UP OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL STAB YOU!” shouted Adagio.

“This worked way better in my head,” sighed Aria. “Come on, guys, that's twice you cheated us out of a win. Can't you let us assassinate you a little bit?”

“I don't really know what ‘a little bit’ of an assassination is,” said Rarity.

“You know what?” Aria looked around for an escape route. “Fuck this.”

Aria grabbed Sonata by the wrist, pulling her away from the Rainbooms. After pausing to get Adagio back on her feet, Aria ran for the hills, getting about three feet before a sound stopped her in her tracks.

Whoop! Whoop!

“Freeze! Police! Drop your weapons and put your hands in the air!”

Aria rolled her eyes, but raised her hands above her head as the uniformed police officer exited their car and prepared to apprehend the wannabe gunmen. Aria had predicted things going many different ways, but being arrested had never quite crossed her mind.

“Any other bright ideas, asshole?” hissed Adagio. Her hands were raised in surrender as best as she could with another bullet in her arm.

“Fuck off, Ada. I'll admit that this one is on me, but you don't have to rub it in,” grumbled Aria. “Next time, maybe we'll try Sonata’s plan.”

Sonata gasped, throwing her hands (which still held her guns) excitedly.

“Yay! My turn!” cheered Sonata.

“You! Blue one! Drop your weapons!” ordered the approaching officer.

“Okie.”

Sonata literally dropped her guns, releasing them from above her head. The firearms hit the ground and discharged in the officer’s direction. She missed, hitting the officer’s car and rebounding. Near simultaneously, the officer let off a panicked shot of his own in the Sirens’ direction. Both the cop's bullet and Sonata’s missed the Dazzlings entirely, connected with Rarity’s diamond barrier, and bounced back, catching Adagio in each arm. The eldest Siren hit the ground again, swearing in pain.

“WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK! THIS IS SOME BALLISTIC ANOMALY BULLSHIT, GODDAMNIT!”