Pinkie Pie's Perilously Problematic Pornography Predicament

by LegendaryHumanLeatherHat

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3375

Pinkie Pie develops an unhealthy addiction and goes to Twilight for support.

Twilight and Discord have become really good friends recently. So much so that the draconequus decides to give Twilight a gift. A gift that she will appreciate more than anything else. A library, but not just any library. It's a theoretically infinite library that has any fact, fiction or picture that you want, even if it doesn't exist. After Pinkie Pie discovers it, she starts to spend a lot of time looking at "fictional" photos of her friends. If only her friends realized what they were actually doing in these photos.

Rated teen for slightly suggestive dialogue.

Cover art by JanoCota on DeviantArt.

Published 2017-10-13 19:30:10 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-06 16:42:11 UTC

A Friend in Need

Every time Pinkie enters the library, she always puts on the same stupidly excited expression. It's like Hearth's Warming Morning day after day. A theoretically infinite amount of anything that she could look at, for as long as she wanted. Usually this is something that Twilight would find a lot more exciting as she is the one who likes to read books all the time, but over the past two weeks, Pinkie has started to really appreciate just how beautiful the world of literature actually is, especially when said literature can be absolutely anything with no exception, but aside from literature, there is something else that has grabbed Pinkie's attention, photography. Photos of her friends and other ponies she knew, doing silly and random things that she knew would never actually happen in reality. The more she looked at these pictures, the more creative she got with what she selected, she started doing things like making bizarre stop motion animations and writing silly scripts to go with them.

"Hmm..." groaned Pinkie as she pressed her lips together with a pencil in her mouth. She was looking at a hypothetical photo of Twilight wearing Hearth's Warming stalkings on her hind legs while she was dancing on the table. She dropped the pencil, bore a big smile and giggled. "Oh, Twilight. you so random!" She stared at the picture for a long time, snickering over how funny Twilight looks. Her eyes scanned the picture about a hundred times before she realized something. "Huh..." she thought. "When Twilight wears those socks, she actually looks... kinda... hot." She mentally slapped herself and smacked her hoofs on her forehead. "What are you thinking Pinkie?! This is Twilight, one of your best friends! You can't think of her that way!"

She opened her eyes, looked back at the picture and began to ease up a bit. "Well, I mean... I'm allowed to fantasize, right?" She conjured up a few more pictures, these ones of Twilight wearing very erotic clothing. Her face started to turn red as she bit her lip and started sweating. She stared at them for a few minutes. "No! If Twilight knew I looking at these kinds of pictures, she would hate me! She'd think I'm a creep!" She slapped her cheeks with her hooves. "Bad Pinkie! Bad!" She looked back down at the pictures. "Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her right?"

6 Weeks Later

Twilight had spent the whole day organizing her library, her actual library in the castle. Discord was sitting in the corner fidgeting with a pair of welding goggles. He put his finger to his chin and said, "I wonder if I could enchant these to forcefully lock themselves to a pony's head and show them their worst nightmares for the rest of their lives."

Twilight looked up from the bottom shelf and asked, "Did you say something?" Discord glanced over with a bemused expression. He rolled his eyes.

"Why are you even bothering to organize this place if you already have an infinite library where you can receive anything within seconds at the cost of nothing?" Twilight rolled her eyes in return.

"'Theoretically' Infinite..." She corrected "...And besides, real books have a lot more value than magically crafted pieces of information that may or may not be scientifically accurate. Some of these books date back hundreds of years and are worth a fortune. You can't replace them."

Discord sighed and muttered, "Whatever..." Suddenly his eyes flashed open and a light bulb appeared over his head which he quickly shoved in his mouth and swallowed whole. "I've got an idea! I'll be back in a few hours!" he stated as he disappeared from sight.

If he said this a year ago, Twilight would probably have been very concerned, but she came to realize that his pranks were usually harmless nowadays and she had more important things to worry about than silly jokes on ponies she probably doesn't even know. "Now then... where did I put that..."

She was interrupted when the door opened revealing Pinkie Pie standing in the hallway. Her mane was frizzy and she had bags under her eyes. "Oh... Hey Pinkie! Um... Are you feeling alright? We haven't really seen you very much these past few weeks..."

Pinkie looked Twilight in the eyes and said "Um... Actually Twilight, no, I'm not okay..." she said sadly. Twilight's eyebrows raised.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked, concern evident in her voice.

"That's why I came here... to talk to someone about it."

Twilight put an arm around her shoulder. "Pinkie, I'm glad that you decided to talk to somebody rather than keep your feelings bottled up. Tell me, what's bothering you."

Pinkie looked down at the floor ashamed. "Can we... Can we sit down for this?"

Twilight smiles. "Of course, Pinkie." Pinkie takes a seat at the comfy sofa while Twilight sits next to her on the armrest.

Half a minute passes without either of them saying anything. Finally, Pinkie lets out a big heavy sigh. "Twilight, there is a reason why I rarely saw you guys in the last month." She said flatly.

"I'm listening." Twilight responds. Pinkie squirms in her seat. She stayed silent for a solid minute before Twilight lifted her chin so that she could look her in the eyes. "Pinkie, please talk to me." Twilight said sympathetically.

Tears started to well up in Pinkie's eyes. "Twilight, I've got a serious problem."

Twilight started to become impatient, but she didn't want to show her anger. Whatever Pinkie's issue is, getting mad will only make it worse."What is your problem, Pinkie?"

Pinkie releases another sigh. "I've developed a serious addiction, and it's ruining my life."

Twilight lets out a sharp gasp. "Pinkie!" Twilight was absolutely shocked. She could have never imagined pinkie being the type of pony to do drugs. She's constantly happy in almost every situation, and would never need to resort to something like that. Twilight wraps her arms around Pinkie and gives her the tightest hug she's ever given. "Listen to me Pinkie! The rest of our friends and I are gonna help you through this! We won't turn our backs on you, I promise!"

Pinkie was confused. "Why is Twilight acting like this?" she thought. "Whatever, if she'll help me get over my addiction to looking at fake photos of my friends banging each other, then I'll accept it."

Author's Note

I'm not exactly sure what would render a fiction to be deems "mature" by most people, so I'm going to tag this as teen, unless people think I should change the rating.

Also I think I fixed the formatting issue.

Clarification

Pinkie slumped in her chair, slowly drifting off to sleep as Twilight went to the kitchen to put on some tea. She hadn't slept for nearly 72 hours and spent most of that time in the library, collecting and hoarding as many pictures that her average sized hooves can hold. The anxiety that she was feeling before steadily melted away. "Maybe this won't be so bad." She figured. "My friends are very understanding. I'm sure they won't judge me." Her eyes closed and her head slipped to the side. "I'm so lucky to know such great ponies."

Twilight poured the tea into 2 large coffee mugs. She couldn't use the teacups because Discord cursed them to latch on to the holder's hooves and force them to drink their own mixed bodily fluids until they die from natural causes or commit suicide so she hid them under the sink along with the rest of her dangerous possessions. The unicorn made her way over to the living room holding the tray with her magic. "Pinkie, I've made you some..." She paused as she noticed Pinkie's lack of consciousness. Her smile faltered as she was reminded of her friends unhealthy state. "You poor thing. Those nasty chemicals you're ingesting must be affecting you more than I thought." the tray made it's way onto the table and Twilight used one of her free hooves to wipe some dried tears off of her eyes. "If only I noticed the signs sooner, maybe I could have prevented this."

A knock sounded at the door and twilight reluctantly walked over and opened it. tens of thousands of quills came flooding into the room causing Twilight to scream and back away into the closest book shelf. Spike's grubby hand emerged from the colossal mound and waved at Twilight. Twilight's face quickly went from shock to anger as she levitated him out of the pile. "Spike! What's the meaning of this?! Why did you bring home a giant pile of quills?!"

Spike's head popped out and he raised an eye brow. "Uhh... because you asked me to?" It was more of a question than an excuse.

"Oh, right." Twilight muttered and telekineticly flowed them like a river into the cabinet under the sink. "I hope Discords magic won't contaminate them." She said quietly. Spike picked up on her depressed attitude immediately. She always acts like this when somethings worrying her.

"What's the problem Twi?" Spike said, almost sounding apathetic. Twilight sighed, knowing that there was no way and no reason to dodge the question.

"Pinkie Pie's in the living room. I have reason to believe she's developed a drug problem, and she wants me to help her overcome it." Spike was surprised to say the least.

"Oh, no! That's awful!" he said, clenching his claws and holding them close to his chest. "Do you think we should tell somebody? Maybe report this to the authorities?" Twilight slapped her face and groaned.

"Spike, I am the authority of this town. Besides, what Pinkie needs is love and companionship, not to be thrown in a jail cell and be ignored." Spike looked down at the floor, guiltily.

Twilight pulled spike in close and whispered, "It's okay Spike. I know you didn't mean anything by it, but as her friends, we need to be here for her and give her the therapy she needs. Only we can do that." Spike looked up, tears just starting to form.

"We should at least tell the rest of our friends." Spike stated, with a slight hint of resentment in his voice.

Twilight levitated him onto her back and carried him over to the kitchen. "Of course we will, but first we need to talk this over with Pinkie and gather more information about the specifics of her issue." Spike hopped off and started ascending the stairs to his room, leaving Twilight along in the kitchen. "Spike! Where are you going?" In response, Spike slammed the bedroom door in a huff. Twilight was about to follow him when Pinkie entered the room rubbing her left temple with her hoof.

"Sorry, Twilight. I must have dozed off." Twilight turned around surprised, almost forgetting that Pinkie was asleep in the other room. She sighed and looked Pinkie in the eyes, despite Pinkie staring off at nothing in particular.

"No, Pinkie. I'm the one who should be sorry. I woke you up from your nap. You must be very tired after all you've been through." Pinkie smiled for the first time since she arrived.

"That's okay Twilight. The best thing about not having a sleep schedule is that I can sleep whenever I want." Twilight rolled her eyes. That's exactly the problem with not having a sleep schedule.

"Well, I'm glad to see that even after everything you've experienced, you can still smile." Twilight said, giving Pinkie a playful nudge. Pinkie's smile brightened and she gave Twilight a strangling hug.

"Silly, Twilight! You know I can't go without smiling for very long." Twilight's eyes bulged out and her previously evaporated tears started to resurface. After about ten seconds, Twilight broke free and heaved heavy gasps of breath while Pinkie, all the while remained totally oblivious. "As long as I have friends like you, nothing can bring me down." Pinkie proudly declared.

As Twilight face returned to it's regular colour, her smile came back. "You're strong, Pinkie. I know you can pull through this." She walked back to the living room with Pinkie following suit, sat down in her big comfy chair and pulled out a quill and parchment. "Alright, Pinkie. If I'm going to help you, I'll need all the information I can get out of you so I can know the appropriate treatments necessary." Pinkie laid down on the couch and chugged her tea. It has been hours since she drank anything. "First things first. I need to know what exactly you developed an addiction to." Pinkie closed her eyes. This was it, the moment where she admits to jerking off to naughty pictures of everyone in Ponyville.

"I hope Twilight doesn't get too mad."

Beyond Awkward

Pinkie sat still for a good few minutes. Telling one of your best friends that you've not only secretly been fapping while looking at pictures of her wet steamy body, but that you've also developed a problematic addiction to it is sure to be at least a little bit awkward. Twilight understood how Pinkie was feeling and didn't feel the need to rush her, but she was starting to get impatient. She wanted to help her so badly, but in order to do that she had to be as kind and accepting as possible. "Pinkie?" Twilight asked calmly with a small voice. Pinkie looked up to Twilight, guilt evident in her eyes. "Pinkie, it's okay. I'm here for you and I promise I'll help you get through this but in order for me to do that, you have to tell me everything... Please."

Pinkie looked back down at the floor. "Twilight, you wouldn't judge me, would you?" The question stung Twilight.

Twilight pulled Pinkie into another hug. "Pinkie, I know how difficult overcoming addiction can be. I assure you that it's not your fault."

Pinkie was clearly confused. "It... It's not my fault? How could it not be my fault."

Twilight had a little difficulty thinking of a way to explain how Pinkie was the victim here. "Because... Because ingesting chemicals has an effect on your brain that makes it crave more on a regular basis. It's a psychological dependence. It's completely believable that you feel like you always need to get more, but you have to try, and you won't be alone. I really mean it. I can research therapy options that we can practice and I'll be with you the whole time."

One of Pinkie's eyebrows raised. "Ingesting chemicals... What?" She thought. Her eyes opened. "Ohhh, Twilight thinks I'm addicted to drugs! To be honest, that would probably be less embarrassing than the truth. She once again looked into Twilight's eyes. "Umm... Twilight? I think there might have been a little bit of a miscommunication on my part."

Twilight had the same reaction to Pinkie's statement as Pinkie had to hers. "Miscommunication?" She pondered this for a moment. "What kind of miscommunication?" A blush creeped up on Pinkie's face as she thought about how close she was getting to revealing the truth.

"I didn't really tell you what it was exactly I'm addicted to." Twilight leaned her head back, clearly confused. She then realized that she made a few assumptions based on Pinkie's choice of words.

"Are you telling me that your addiction doesn't involve narcotics?" Pinkie nodded. This opened up a lot of different possibilities. If it's not drugs, what could possibly be the source of all Pinkie's suffering. Pinkie's squirming has increased in frequency.

"It's really embarrassing." Pinkie whimpered.

"Is it alcohol? That still technically counts as a drug since it has the same effects."

"No... I hate the taste of alcohol, you know that."

"Is it gambling?" Twilight inquired.

"No, that's a huge waste of money. I wouldn't be able to afford all the parties I throw."

"Than what is it?" Twilight was starting to get frustrated, but she dared not show it. The last thing she wanted was for Pinkie to think that she's mad at her.

Pinkie started sweating profusely. "It's... It's really, really embarrassing."

"Pinkie, I promised I won't judge you. Please just tell me already!" Twilight immediately felt guilty as soon as the last sentence exited her mouth. Pinkie started to hyperventilate. Twilight mentally facehooved for possibly ruining all the progress they made. "Pinkie, it's okay... It's okay." She waited for a few seconds before asking again. "What are you addicted to?" Pinkie's confidence came back faster than Twilight expected.

Pinkie heaved one large sigh before closing her eyes and facing in the direction of the coffee table. "I've developed a chronic addiction to... Pornography." When she finally let this loose, she felt a lot better, but this conversation still has yet to become personal. Twilight's face became a deep jam color as she blushed.

"Por... Pornography? You mean like...?" Pinkie curled up into a ball and her face became a shade of scarlet.

"I... I said it was really embarrassing." Pinkie whispered, sounding almost like Fluttershy.

Twilight was perplexed. She sat there silently thinking this information over. "Pornography? Like those magazines that stallions use for visual sexual stimulation? That can't be right. Pinkie is the most innocent pony I know. I didn't know she had a sex drive. I didn't know that she even knew where foals came from." Twilight started to sweat as well. This was really awkward for both of them. Twilight finally decided to speak. "When you say pornography, do you mean like...?"

Pinkie nervously interrupted her. "Like... Um... Pictures of ponies in... Really... Compromising positions." Pinkie's heart was racing. This was the most embarrassing thing she experienced since the time she asked Mrs. Cake what BDSM was. The amount of long awkward silences that keep recurring was killing them both.

"And this is what what you've been doing everyday for so long? Just looking at these... Pictures?" Twilight's concern was starting to disappear. Maybe this wasn't such a huge problem after all. Although she knew that pornography addiction was a thing that existed, she was sure that this was probably just some weird phase Pinkie was going through.

Pinkie spoke again. "I know it sounds really weird, but this has become a serious problem for me and I want to stop. I feel so dirty and ashamed of myself." Pinkie began outright crying for the first time. Twilight's previous concern came back just as quickly as it left. She didn't understand how pornography addiction worked but she assumed it worked the same way as any other addiction would, and as strange as it was, it kind of made sense. She just never imagined it could happen to a mare. Specifically one so innocent and cute. She seems so torn up by it too.

"Pinkie, I don't think this is as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. Everyone has needs, you're probably just experiencing some delayed effects of puberty or something. I'm sure you'll get over it." Both ponies were starting to feel a little more comfortable about this. The awkwardness was dissipating and Pinkie stopped shuffling in her chair. "I think the first thing we should do is get rid of these pictures you have and focus on other things you enjoy doing."

Pinkie smiled for the first time in a while. "Thanks Twilight. I was worried that you would think I was a weirdo or something." Twilight laughed anxiously. "Well, it is a little bit weird, but it makes sense scientifically. Everyone needs a little bit of... Um... Relief now and again. You just got a little carried away. Now, where did you get these pictures? I didn't even know that people were selling pornographic material in Ponyville."

Pinkie's sadness was completely gone now. "I got them from you're massive library that Discord gave you. I created them myself using the search function device thingy."

Twilight made her way to the door. "Well, the first thing we should do is get rid of the pictures you already have. Let's go!"

Pinkie happily bounded off her chair and followed Twilight out the door, completely forgetting that most of her pictures were of her friends.