The chickadees are a group of North American birds in the tit family
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The chickadees are a group of North American birds in the tit family
"CHICKADEE ATTACK!" Rainbow bellowed. She sat up in bed, sweat soaking the sheets steriotypically to illustrate what a rough night's sleep she had. She was thus thirsty, and squeezed some water from her wall into her mouth.
She had to warn the others.
"What do you mean you don't know what a chickadee is?" Twilight asked, frustrated. You're the one warning us about them!"
Rainbow did that thing where she puts her hoof behind her head. It's totally a nervous tick. You know exactly what I'm talking about. "Yeah, well see, I didn't actually see the chickadees in my dream. Lauren Faust appeared to warn me about them."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "You've got to stop believing such silly old mares tails. Lauren Faust isn't real. Accept that there is no god!"
Applejack huffed. "Really Twilight? Can you, just once, not be an edgy fuck?"
Pinkie Pie huffed too. She was a lot more aware than the others of their toyetic nature though. "Yeah, seriously, imaginary characters believing their creator to in fact be the imaginary one is so blase and played out."
"Okay, look, whatever," Twilight counterhuffed. The point is, we live in a magical land where shit like this happens, so regardless of whether Lauren Faust is real or just the creation of ponies terrified of the nothingness beyond the void, we should probably take Rainbow's oracle dream prophesy seriously. Rainbow, any other details you can provide us with?"
"Sorry girls, I still don't know what a chickadee is. All I know is that Lauren said they were going to eat Applejack's insides."
"Say WHAT IN TARNATIONS!" Applejack interjected. "You didn't mention that the first time 'round! I don't wanna get eaten up by no bird horde! I'm 25. I still have so much to live for! I haven't even had a lesbian relationship with Rainbow Dash yet!"
"What are you talking about? People have been shipping us since we were 18. And uh... probably before that, but let's not talk about that. Anyway, bird hord? Chickadees are birds? I thought they were prostitutes or something."
Applejack was going to respond, but at that very moment, one nonillion, sixty-six quadrillion, six hundred trillion and one chickadees burst into Twilight's castle. Now, I want to point out that that many chickadees would not normally fit into a castle. But you see, Twilight's castle was a special castle. It was bigger on the inside than the outside. Sound familiar?
That's right, Twilight's castle was made from Gallifreyan technology! The tree of harmony was actually a gift from the people of Gallifrey to the royal pony sisters as a thanks for their help in defeating the Daleks.
I can't seem to get it to save, but if you want to make beautiful Circular Gallifreyan art, you can do so HERE
Those wacky time lords, always running into those silly british rubbish bins will wheels! Anyway, so yeah, you know that season four premiere with the semen potion shoehorned into the plot as an excuse to have cool flashbacks but it's okay because the royal sisters fighting was hella epic? You know the magic box the tree produced? That was a baby Tardis! Maybe. So yeah Twilight's castle looks bigger on the inside because it actually is. In fact, Twilight and her spelunking buddies have so far mapped out over 98,689 rooms in her castle! That's a lot of rooms. It's also the largest five digit prime palindrome. Don't believe me? Just try and factor it!
I'll wait.
You didn't believe me, did you? I hope you do now. Anyway, based on airflow calculations done by Prissy Springbok (Yes that's her real name), the total explored areas of the castle make up only 5% of its total volume! So with that in mind, yes, that many chickaddess could in fact fit in Twilight's Castle. Probably.
The sky darkened with chickadees blotting out the sun. These weren't just ordinary chickadees. These were evil chickadees. If you have a keen eye and a sharp mathematically-inclined mind, you should have noted the earlier forshadowing. The number of chickadees present in this story has 666 in it, and is in fact known as https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belphegor%27s_prime.
Anyway, the writhing mass of ~~Chickpeas~~ chickadees descended through the windows of the castles and made a beeline, err, chickadee line flight towards the horrified apple farmer. "No, not the 'dees!" she screamed, as the avians of avaris picked her skin apart. She wailed in terror and anguish, but within ten seconds, blood was flowing out of her body in multiple places it wasn't supposed to be doing that. As her life force drained, her last coherent thoughts were a short poem:
I'm sick of these
Chickadees
Then she died.
The chickadees, having accomplished the mission assigned to them by the evil witch Katrina, proceeded to exit the map room and make their way towards the castle's 3rd largest swimming pool, as this one had a swim up bar, and the birds after a long afternoon of eating Applejack, really needed a stiff drink to relax. Twilight and her remaining friends looked on in horror. Eventually, after several hours, the last of the straggling background pony-eating fowl fowls had cleared out of the room.
"Well, this sucks," Twilight declared. She really said what we were all thinking. "Okay so, Applejack is dead. This is bad. We need to avenge her death. I say we go torch the birds nest. A nest for a bird is its home, and when you destroy someone's home you deal a lot of psychological damage to them. I mean, look at how upset I got when Tirek destroyed my home."
So, armed with flame throwers, Twilight and friends travelled to New Brunswick, Canada, as that was where the Chickadees nest was. After stopping to visit the beautiful (I very highly recommend visiting!) Banff National Park in Alberta and for some poutine in Quebec on their way from DHX studios in Vanhoover
Vanhoover is a canon part of MLP
, the girls eventual came across the nest. These birds acted as one mind and thus shared one nest, like spiders do sometimes. It was a pretty fucking huge nest too, covering fifty two square miles of the province it was located in.
Anyway, they torched the fuck out of that nest. Fucking chickadees. I swear.
Author's Note
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chickadee
