Wearing The Inside Out

Yakyakistan

Rutherford was not like his father, blessed be his soul of few words and great temper Rutherford was a great fighter true, but quieter, more bookish for a yak. Ivan, his father, was the warrior king of all warrior kings, blasting himself full of electrical current and rushing headlong off cliffs to test his might.

And here Rutherford was. In charge due to a freak accident of his father throwing himself off too high of a mountain while drunk off of the clearest and most potent batch of vodka. He was sent a heroes welcome into the next life, but he left a big red stain on the rocks and a massive crater when the magical charge dissipated outwards as his spine folded like an accordion.

It was a way to go and bards would sing on Ivan the Foolhardy for generations, but the funeral was a tight lipped affair. Closed cairns weren't the most common of yak burial methods.

"What is clouding face?"

Rutherford sighed and looked down at his cousin Yona, her braids newly tied in the tradition of yaks, each telling of the life of said female yak. "Nothing, Yona, and that is Tsar to you. Keep telling you that court is looking at you funny."

Yona rolled her eyes. "Well, is not like Yona has to deal with all the yaks anyway." She stretched and yawned in thought. "So bandits? Heard there was bandits in the north."

Rutherford sighed. "Denied. You aren't going to go anywhere near a camp. Especially since I've tried to teach you how to speak Common."

Yona sat down and crossed her hooves. "Words hard. It much easier to know what others say from smell and how big and how easily they smash stuff."

Rutherford groaned. He knew well enough his cousin, the young yak was a headstrong and traditional female. Though she always had a bit of curiosity, luckily enough for him cause the rest of his relatives were super content singing yak songs and smashing stuff since that was tradition. Backwards tradition in a way, with the rumblings in the East about the Storm King and whatever mess that the moon had etched upon it. He would have talked to the moon horse if his astrologers weren't bellowing in fear about the end of the world. Being Tsar was hard. "Yona, listen. I like smashing stuff almost as much as any yak, but the world is far bigger than that. I had talked to a few rulers about a program sending a yak away to learn but I can't just send any old yak away."

Yona's ears perked up, though her hooves were still stolidly crossed in anger.

Rutherford sighed. "Think if I sent Yazmin or Reuben, they'd be no use with their youth. They'd trample all over wherever I'd send them like a yak in a tea shop. No tact to temper their age. I send a yak too old and it'd be like trying to draw water from a stone. Impossible without the right method. You, on the other hoof, have the best middle ground."

Yona huffed. "Guess so. Still want to go smash stuff. But maybe learning isn't so bad. Especially if friend can be made."

Rutherford nodded, thankful that he had talked to Celestia in passing during the last Royal Gathering. She had a few ideas on how to wrangle a student in some way and he had used that to his advantage. If only he had seen Twilight Sparkle in action, he could have fully agreed to her plans but that was months away anyway.

***

Pinkie felt the heat of Cheese in the blankets, his lanky and fun form a nice respite from her sadness. She popped her head out of the small tent and looked up at the dawn, the broken moon telling her all she had to know. It had been three weeksand she still felt twinges of pain when she remembered the twitches that told her that part of her heart was closed off. The feel of Twilight's wings, her mouth teasing her to an explosive end, the feeling of parties with their friends. Some things were done and over with, but the memories remained. She glanced at her sisters' tents, each having their own to sleep in, and Pinkie smiled slightly.

She heard Cheese hum in his sleep and she smiled sweetly, the relationship the pair had was odd. But nice. She had thrown herself into his hooves, slowly letting herself open up again, taking weeks to know the touch of another. He had sat there telling her of his colthood, their meeting, and his dreams. And she had listened and felt okay. Not fantastic, not fully complete due to her pain, but better.

And then one night they had made love and it was magical, and good and different from Twilight. It was primarily focused on her. Meaning that while she totally did get a spray of funfetti from his party cannon, there was a bit more fun to be had. Inflatable genitals wasn't something she expected another pony to have but Cheese did and she had a fun time fitting all that rubberized chicken into her vagina. Pinkie put all of her weight onto his lower regions and she could feel Cheese waking up ever so slightly. "Good morning."

Cheese Sandwich opened a eye and grinned. "So you liked my accordion playing last night?"

Pinkie giggled. "Among other things. But while I'd love to see how many more musical notes your dick can play, I think you should wake up. I mean we have places to be and things to see here in Yak Country."

Cheese stretched and yawned. "Well its not yaks. Have you figured out why they keep running away from us? I mean I thought I knew all the different sounds a large animal could make but a high pitched scream coming from a yak? That was a new one."

Pinkie shook her head, not knowing how exactly to respond. She hadn't done a ton of non pony parties- mules and that one failed Gilda party excepted, so she couldn't tell why yaks were skittish and it wasn't like. . .Twilight had spent much time talking about yaks besides in passing.

Limestone stuck her head in and grimaced at the pair. "Good, I thought Marble was pulling my leg when she said she felt you two were up, but guess she was right. Can you two stop screwing and making all the rest of us uncomfortable for two seconds and help me read the map. I can't read all these weird yak signs with non Equestrian letters so the map's gibberish. Maud says we are on the direct path to Ivargrad just by the difference in soil, but besides that I'm lost."

***

Tempest stared daggers into her prisoner's grinning face. She had expected Mount Aris to be a quick and easy jaunt, a simple smash and grab of any sort of important items for the Storm, almost a vacation away from mindless Storm Beasts. But she had one small problem. The seapony in front of her, sitting in an impromptu washbasin, her yellow and blue coloration and bubbly attitude in the face of imminent, and, so far, completely useless torture a reminder that there were still holdouts from the Storm.

"So Skystar, can you please tell me anything about your home? Any artifacts or special defensive measures that we should know about? Sea currents, degpth, rock formations? Anything. Besides your rather inane life."

The seapony grinned and lazed back. "Nope, I mean I don't get told anything really about anything. Something about 'talking too much. Hey, on that note, can I talk to the pegasus again? I thought I was getting close to explaining the ins and outs of how exactly fun being friends with shells is."

Tempest groaned, remembering far too well Cozy's far away look of sheer disappointment that she held for days after that attempt at torture. "No, I don't think Cozy Glow would like that right now. Though I could get my unwilling assistant to at least attempt some kind of. . .talk with you if you prefer?" Tempest hated that she had to play this idiot's game to get any kind of information. It was like pulling teeth, if teeth had a dull, annoying and completely inane sense of the outside world. "Back to it then, you were saying things about Queen Novo."

Skystar rolled her eyes. "Yes, mother is all you ponies want to talk about. Something about her being a genius with magic and all that jazz, but you know that we didn't even find that pearl anyway, originally I mean. I heard it was something of a war gift from us winning a war against the sea serpents. I mean really, who's afraid of a sea serpent. All the ones I've seen are perfectly harmless. Though I've only seen one or two. Kind of rare things those are."

Tempest's eye twitched. It had taken three weeks of uncharacteristic hospitality from her and, only now, did she get information that this complete waste of space was a princess. An actual hostage. Bait. She inwardly screamed that that could have been done sooner so she wouldn't have heard about hours and hours about this Skystar's day. Her wants and dreams, her poems about shells.

She noted that her and Grubber would get along swimmingly. They were thorns in her side that complicated things. At least Grubber knew when to be quiet.

***

Moondancer stared out at the collected might of magic users in Canterlot, so dutifully arranged by Fleur, the aristocrats that were truly useful divided from the chaff of Starlight's accidental sycophants. "Good job, I guess."

Fleur looked up and smiled ever so briefly. "Is that a compliment from the least complementary Archmage I know? Shocking." The lanky unicorn got up and stretched. "Now if you are done complimenting me about the one main job I had from Celestia- a rather difficult one since trying to corral the rich into anything close to a battle ready regiment is like herding cats as one of my Appleloosan modeling jobs once so nicely told me. Wonderful turn of phrase that. Coffee?" The white unicorn floated over a pot of coffee and stared out at the Canterlot morning, wild and untamed weather a new and exciting predicament with Celestia's proclamation.

"No, don't like the taste and what with me having this thing in my chest-" Moondancer grimaced in pain as she touched the skin overlapping part of the red jewel that now comprised her heart. "I'd rather not test the hypothesis of added sugar on a corruptive magical device."

Fleur shrugged. "Your loss. Anyway, I'm on my way to check up on our little friends in Ponyville. You want me to say anything to Twilight before heading off to see our resident monster hunters?"

Moondancer rolled her red eyes. "Sweetie Drops and Lyra? Not really. I've read the files on the pair enough to know that outside of maybe a nice conversation on how to deal with Changelings and how to tell magical creatures apart. . .I could just read a book and be done with it."

"And that's why Sunburst is my favorite in this division. At least friendly banter is a possibility."

"Don't you start on that. I have better things to do than to talk to ponies. And anyway its not like my current image helps any."

Fleur nodded as she walked out the makeshift Magic Division Headquarters- previously Twilight's old quarters- and with a quick flourish closed the door of Moondancer's room. "Sunburst. Going out. Anything you'd like from Ponyville?"

Sunburst's head popped out of a stack of books, the bespectacled stallion fixing his glasses ever so slightly as he thought. "I mean you could always go to the castle to pick up some books. Twilight's collection is rather well thought out and holds some rather interesting tomes on magical warfare in the restricted sections, if the quarterly reports of book collections hold any merit."

Fleur shook her head. "I meant like other things. Books aren't on that list usually since can't she just zap some books to you?"

Sunburst's eyes shrank to pinpricks as Fleur said that. "Oh Celestia no. I mean sure, some of the restricted section's books might be able to due to age, but its not like every book there is restricted due to content. I mean have you ever held a book written by the Founders of Equestria or fragments of the Paradise Valley Civilization. And I don't mean facsimiles of the words on the page, but true and honest to goodness first copies. Some of those are just-"

Fleur held up a hoof. "I get the idea. Bad times."

Sunburst nodded. "Good." He breathed out. "And on a different note, I haven't heard much on Starlight. Thought you'd like to know, since you-"

The white unicorn frowned, not needing to be reminded of Starlight's probing of her mind. The hazy memory of being forced to wear a maid outfit and sit until needed. It was degrading and she was still finding some rather unfortunate things in her mansion- not to forget the gaping hole that the pink mare had torn through her garden wall in rage. She did not have to be reminded of Starlight, because the mare still almost felt like she existed in Canterlot. "Yeah. Well, keep it up and send news about that to Spitfire as well, just to keep us all in the loop when you do."

***

Ponyville

Twilight walked through her castle, now slightly less remote and quiet than she remembered. She quickly passed by Sparkler who was arguing profusely with Blackthorn about some magical theorem about the Elements. Something that was more and more common since the deer had mentioned that the Tree of Harmony was a rather interesting loci for magic and how talkative it could be if ponies could just hear it speak.

"-you are shitting me. The Tree talks to you? I mean its not like its a living breathing creature, sure it is still a tree but I'm not debating about the sentience of corn."

Blackthorn laughed, low and quiet. "Actually it's more my brother's area of expertise, but the tree is a great fount of knowledge- especially of the times before the alicorns. And the history of the first nations of ponies and what they had to fight against. The Smooze, Lavan, Hydia and her brood of witches. Among other things."

Sparkler scoffed. "The Smooze? I think Twilight said it was buddies with Discord or something. Like that's truly dangerous, its just a blob."

Twilight shook her head and walked into Luna's wing of her castle, the blue alicorn a nice respite from the town's madness. "Luna? You said you wanted to see me about something?"

Luna smiled as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "Yes, well I wanted to see you before you met up with Aspen and the other deer." She carefully got onto a smaller chair since she was still stuck as a small alicorn. "I mean just because they are working with us and slightly ironed out some of the issues they had with us doesn't mean that I like sending you deep into the Everfree Forest with them.

Twilight shook her head. "I'm going to be fine. They weren't expecting other alicorns and I think that helped us when we had to discuss terms. Though that makes me wonder how they would react to Cadance and Flurry. Seemed like they only knew of Celestia and you. And they still hate you."

Luna sighed. "Don't remind me. Luckily for you, you were born after we had made space for ponies. From what Starswirl said when I asked him why we had to fight the deer, he just looked sad and said something about the Sundering of Paradise Valley. Though from what it sounded like, that was way before him and way before us. So no Twilight, I can't answer your questions about first hoof experience with that. Immortals are still bound to when they were born or made- and even though I would love to use a time spell or two to see myself- that would just cause ripples far too numerous to count. Though I think you know that yourself."

Twilight sighed. "You know its hard to keep things private when you enter into my dreams."

Luna shrugged. "I found out that particular odd dream of yours before we were together. And I thought it was a nightmare at first until I checked the archives. Though I have to say you did look good in black spandex. Though your mane style was rather unique."

Twilight rubbed her face in annoyance. "Great, I'll keep that in mind. Anything else you'd like to embarrass me with?"

The small blue alicorn giggled. "I have ideas, but those can wait."

***

Canterlot

"Again. And with more feeling this time. I know you pansies are still in the idea that the Wonderbolts are just some glorified sports team, but no, we are something better. A glorified sports team with dangerous weapons." Blossomforth tapped her clipboard and pointed directly at Dash and Fluttershy. "I mean if we have the Elements here, even if only two, I guess that means we are a great and-"

Spitfire groaned. She knew exactly that Blossomforth ran on sheer caffeine, cocaine, and bombast, but she was laying it on slightly too thick. "What my loud co-captain means is that Fire Streak and Surprise, for example, though I really don't want you to be singled out, your form is off. The wing blades are a new and rarely used addition for our team, but after Manehattan, we kind of need to learn how to fight competently." Spitfire, through years of leading, noticed a white hoof raise in a questioning manner. "Yes, High Winds?"

The usually quiet female Wonderbolt looked at Fluttershy. "So I get why Dash is here. Makes total sense, but like why is she here?"

Blossomforth and Spitfire shared a knowing look at each other and the cream colored party pegasus coughed before she spoke. "Celestia said so. Definitely not my or Spitty's idea but we work with what you get. Though Fluttershy here is less of a hindrance that she appears. I mean I only know of like maybe two ponies that can punch holes in walls easily and this mare of slightly deceptive looks could tear your head off without breaking a sweat."

High Winds took a now very worried look at the butter yellow pegasus and scooted ever so much closer towards her teammates.

"Blossomforth, what the heck was that?" Dash grimaced as she carefully preened a yellow feather from her wing. She didn't mind being in Fluttershy's body since she had had time to kind of adjust- but having one of the first training sessions be so strained and awkward with multiple ponies just staring at her like she had a second head? That sucked. The only thing that might have made up for that was that every Wonderbolt was staying clear and so she could ream the small captain of the new 'Bolts a new one.

"Dash, come on. You and I both know that our fantastic Wondies just love bombast and stallion like attempts at bonding. The non-gay kind. So what if I might have said that you'd rip a pony's head off? That was an exaggeration. Plus, I'm not completely doing bad at my new position. I mean I cut the tension, right?"

Dash sighed and turned on the shower, the water running down her borrowed yellow coat. "Shy, can you at least talk sense to our oh so wonderful second captain? Please?"

Fluttershy walked up behind Dash and traced a wing over her. "I was just about to ask why there were whispers that I had relations with said scariest pony on the team? Cause Fire Streak, I think, and Surprise were talking about it."

Blossomforth rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. "That wasn't me. Sure, I have a big mouth and say a lot of inane shit, but Thunderlane and Flitter and Cloudchaser exist too. And with Celestia's decree its not like they had a choice not being recruited 'Bolts."

Dash stared at the cream" colored pegasus with a critical eye and sighed. "Fine. Still weird to hear about it. So can you like talk to them and try and-"

Blossomforth shook her head in the negative. "Dash, you don't know how to bury a bad story. Take it from me, if you fight the rumor, it just makes it worse. So while I now don't like being known as the partiest Wonderbolt Captain who ever captained, it has its upsides. And anyway, you two are fucking cause you said so."

Dash blushed crimson. "Yes, well, its still odd and like I'd rather focus on the thing we're here for. Training."

Blossomforth laughed. "Yeah, well you're going to miss this when you have to actually use those wing blades."

***

Posey and Zephyr Breeze walked through the door to Canterlot Castle. The yellow pegasus nodded to each soldier as she passed, a hint of her Solar Guard training buried by years of circus living creeping out. She didn't recognize any of them, since it had been decades since she was stuck in a regimented structure, but some looked familiar- probably related to ponies she used to know from the Buffalo Wars but she was unsure. She glanced over and saw Zephyr shaking in fear. She chalked it up to actually seeing the Princesses, the recruit mindset of actually being in the presence of royalty always there until it was dulled by time or accidental effort. "Calm down, you wallflower."

Zephyr carefully brushed his mane out of his eyes, the run from Manehattan and meandering way the circus train had winded its way to Canterlot giving him no time to preen or be okay with his appearance. "But its the Princesses. I've heard stories about them being the highest and best kind of-"

Posey rolled her eyes. "Let me stop you right there. I once saw Celestia eat eight cakes in a single setting just because she could. And she once tried to make every guard have to wear silly hats. So like if you say they want decorum and all that rot, I have to horribly disappoint you."

Zephyr Breeze sat there silent and wanted to respond, but the large ornate doors of the Sun Court opened slightly and a head of a bespectacled mare glanced out and levitated a clipboard, quickly reading Celestia's meeting schedule and nodding. "So you're the noon meeting. Thought you'd be more intimidating and anyway, you look familiar. Like really annoyingly familiar."

Posey smiled ever so briefly. "I get that a lot. Anyway. While I'd love to say pleasantries and all that, my little acquaintance here would just love to provide a first hoof account of Manehattan."

Raven shrugged. "We've already had a few of those. But since you filed the requisite paperwork and forms, and that once I informed the Princess about your coming, she looked slightly surprised, I guess it would be okay. Follow me please." The unicorn opened the large doors wider and walked through the silent court- the normal patterns of petitioners and daily weather reports put to the wayside due to present circumstances. "Princess, they are here."

Celestia's voice wafted through the air and the pair were let in.

***

Klugetown

Sandbar carefully wound through the dark undertunnels of what he used to know as Klugetown. Not much told him about the town now, what with weeks of building an underground burrow of snakes and adders and blasting the ruins of the town itself to high heaven. He breathed in the rank of the reptiles here, still slightly unused to the smell of the creatures. And he wasn't going to be comfortable until he went somewhere else since a good many of them still looked at him as a piece of meat. He carefully walked over bones of the dead ponies that told him all too well of that fact. "Capper? You here? I have a message from the Storm King."

Capper popped his head out his makeshift cat house and sighed, letting the small pony slide up and take off his saddlebags. The brown tomcat yawned and dug through the proffered bags. "What does Mr. Blue have to tell me now? 'Thanks for the very large and useful prodding at the Equestrian Border, but we are sending you back as a political prisoner.' or 'Actually you are a hindrance and so I'm sending cyanide to you.'" Capper slid a claw through the stack of letters, smelling the faint hint of magic residue, telling him that it was magically sent. "At least he could have used a potion or something. I still have a few of those."

Sandbar shrugged and dug into his rations- the barest hint of care that the lizards gave him and that was after Capper had raised all kinds of Tartarus about him almost starving to death and how it would look bad. He inspected the grains for any rot since the earth pony still thought that even after three weeks, the reptiles were feeding him Klugetown's grain stores. "Seemed important and Ziggy was pissed since it was labeled for your eyes only. And well the Storm King didn't even mention the King of the South or whatever thing that komodo dragon is calling himself today."

Capper laughed, "It's something like the Lizard King. How basic." The cat stretched out and sighed, carefully reading the missive. "Well I'm annoyed. You ever been to Manehattan?"

Sandbar shook his head. "No, my dad wanted to tough it out here and build a name for himself being the best known builder in all of the South. Look where that got him. He said we were going to have a vacation to Manehattan cause we had some family there after things got easier. . ." The young earth pony shivered remembering the chaos of the last few weeks.

Capper grimaced. "Well, seems like that city's pretty much wiped off the map and doubly so cause the stupid changelings and gryphons took it over. Probably covered in garbage now. Sad cause my aunt loved that place. Though she said it was a loci for magic and had ruins of previous eras." Capper groaned as he felt his back adjust. "Which now makes me wonder how she got her magical trinkets and doodads. . ."

"You're saying the great and powerful future king of Abyssinia is related to a grave robber?" Sandbar giggled.

"No, I'm just wondering what the point of Changelings staying in Manehattan is. Cause they hate being in one place. Something about putting all their eggs in one basket."

***

The Hive

Gallus carefully walked through the vaulted ceilings of the Changeling's base of operations. He gagged as he passed fetid pools of some kind of rancid garbage that the Changelings seemed to delight in. He nodded cautiously to each and every creature that he could see as this Thorax carefully spoke a bastardized gryphonic kind of common tongue, the changeling halting on each and every guttural word, letting the young gryphon stare as bugs crawled out of walls and looked at him with compound eyes. It unnerved him, the low moaning of each barely conscious worker, the idea that in each of them Chrysalis could see him.

"And here we are. The lowest part of the superhive. After digging out, we found a few artifacts of note that can be turned into pure magical essence. Though these Mighty Helm warriors seemed rather pointless." Thorax levitated over a huge broadsword, rusted and bejeweled. "No unicorn magic or enchantments. Odd for ponies."

Gallus shrugged. "Artifacts. What can you do with them? I mean there's some cool stuff in Griffonstone, but they are all under lock and key. So uh, why did you bring me down here, Thorax, or is it Chrysalis now cause you have that odd ability to creepily speak with her voice."

Thorax laughed. "No matter, I brought you down here because I have been seeing you around the hive and we haven't talked much, you and I, creature to creature. Especially since we are the same, or similar, you and I. Stand ins for our leaders back home. Chrysalis is busy in the Storm Lands right now else she'd be here and your mother Gallant sees us as a means to an end to power."

Gallus trembled slightly, knowing full well that the Changelings around him could literally smell fear. "Are you threatening me?" He ran through every kind of spell that he could shape on the fly, from teleportation to offensive bolts. And he came up lacking since he didn't know exactly where he was with the long winding path down here and the numerous uncountable and mindless Changelings that stood between him and the surface.

Thorax laughed, a buzzing sound that vibrated through the hive. Unnatural to hear a changeling laugh. Their vocal membranes were not really built for it. "No, no. What I am saying is that we need forge bonds that last beyond them. Precautions for eventualities, one might say. The numerous spies in Griffonstone tell us how easy one might snuff out a bird or two in haste and just destabilize the government. For that's what your mother did. And we can't have that." Thorax breathed out. "Let's just say that if your mother tries any of her funny business thinking we are just mindless drones. . .then she will be sorely mistaken."

"Uh, thanks, I'll let my mom know that in a letter. Not like she actually reads them,"

Thorax nodded. "Missives are so pointless to ones like us. Easier to send out thoughts and scent emotions out to all in quick and complex packets of information. But back to this 'jolly' co-operation thing you want. We saw you near the second queen and while I would love seeing you talk to Ocellus on the regular, mother says that is highly unwise what with our 'sister' you might say being packed with genetic material from an uncountable number of sources for the best and most useful hive for emergencies- a spy network so vast that we could just topple a nation without a single thought. Because our mother gave her a taste of what the ponies call emotions and love and friendship."

Gallus walked back a few steps. "Okay, message received, no more random talking to changelings and its not my fault entirely since I thought she was a normal changeling. It's not like you guys have very different colors or things."

Thorax nodded. "That's true. Though the evolutionary use of pigmentation might be useful, I could bring that up with the Queen. But what I was saying is that while Chrysalis wants to keep her safe, I think that is patently unwise since Ocellus is a ticking time bomb of curiosity and tempered with the most dangerous tinge of friendship- the most dangerous weapon known to us after our numerous failures at conquest, So Gallus, would you like to be Ocellus' first friend?"

Gallus wanted to cry as he had spent the last ten minutes being scared out of his mind. "Sure."

Thorax nodded. "Now I just want to warn you, do not 'fuck' Ocellus, by the parlance of these ponies, that would be a very bad thing. And if that happened I think as a protective member of the hive, we would have to kill each and every gryphon in retaliation."

Gallus nodded. "Yep, that wasn't on my mind and it is now the furthest possible thing ever. Now where is my newest friend so I can take a breath of fresh air?"

***

The Storm Lands

The Storm King stared at his carefully prepared map of the world and frowned. He had a process to conquering honed by hundreds of years doing the work. Creatures far and wide spoke of him with consequential dread and dismay, his branding honed to a pure sheen of brilliance that any of those marketing geniuses would marvel at. And here he was staring at a country with a chokehold on every dastardly magical item and world ending device that he wanted and their magnanimous leader shut the country. The Storm King ran a hand over the magical wintry barrier that Celestia caused, the white sheen on this magical world map writ large. And it wasn't like he hadn't thrown things at that arctic barrier in the last few weeks. Ge had. And all he learned was that the alicorn had him forcibly unable to penetrate that barrier. "And here I thought invading a land full of pastel colored ponies would be easy. I mean I invaded and conquered lands with more terrifying things." He gripped his throne with a hand and dug his fingers into the granite as hard as he could in frustration.

He had plans upon plans that were complex and living things. He couldn't just say to this army in, for example, the deepest reaches of the Bitter Caves of Unspeakable Torment to just up and invade Yakyakistan from the east- that was statistically and geographically impossible. He was playing chess while others were playing with balls and sticks.

And so he was positively livid that he had had to shift some armies around, especially since most of the ever so helpful evil masses were conniving, petty things with him trying to herd, what was to him, an army of cats with evil plans on top of his much eviler and more exciting plans. He shifted the world map and laid his delicately sculpted chess pieces out on its surface, moving each carefully and with purpose and anticipating moves that Celestia would do.

He had thrown out invading the Eastern Seaboard with that glut of ice and snow that stopping thousands of years of carefully crafted magic does on the ecosystem. He had planned for everything. The fear, the pain, the death that losing a critical city would to any well oiled civilized machine. But he hadn't expected the ponies to just accept that and move on.

He touched the ornate chess pieces that represented his loyal minions- Tempest and her shattered horn, so unique and special she was, near Mount Aris. Capper and his dolt of a lizard king in the south, and masses of creatures all around the world that he had some knowledge of. Because Celestia had taken his prize of a quick and relatively painless invasion, he was going to play hardball now. And he always won.

And all he had wanted was a measly staff that Starlight had scoped out. Its not everyday you find a magical artifact like the Staff of Sacanas. He had done his homework on the history. It was all over ancient records. Hydia had used it to summon the Smooze and destroy Flutter Valley, the first of the pony civilizations. Tirek held it for a time before his fall. Scorpan tossed it into the sea. And yet it came back by those sea serpents and their unfortunate last leader of their culture. And it had been passed through many a hand, hoof, or claw. He could see the power of the staff writ large on history and he wanted a taste of it. And yet Celestia had the staff and didn't even truly want it.]

He pressed a nearby button that connected to the mass of wires and tubes that gave him the ability to speak throughout his castle. He carefully tapped it a few times to set up who exactly he wanted to speak to, and waited for the sound telling him that they were listening- a tiny bell sound that he wished was a little more intimidating. "Yes, Starlight, while I know that I just haven't been the most hospitable since you got back in my presence, I have another idea. What was that thing about that silly time spell you had? That sounds rather promising."