Chapters "Twilight Sparkle, are you absolutely sure this is something you must undertake," Princess Celestia questioned, concern clear in her voice.
"If I don't, we could all die. That's the truth."
"But the elements and your friendship have always been enough to stand up to any foe. What are you expecting that could surpass even that?"
"You know about true evil, right?"
"Of course, but nothing has ever come along that would kill another creature."
"Everything we've experienced up to this point is like a filly's game. All the villains here just want to rule with iron hooves or claws. It's not hard to kill if you lack decency."
These words chilled the princess to her very bones. That's what her entire reign was founded on; trusting her subjects to be kind to one another. Thinking it could one day all come to an end through bloodshed caused great harm to her own mental well-being.
"We've been lucky so far, but it might not last forever. At least if I get stronger, there's a chance what or whoever it is can be stopped."
"What about your friends?"
"I couldn't put them through this. The type of training I have to do surpasses even the royal guard. It would leave even Rainbow Dash broken with her limited knowledge of the body's capabilities and weaknesses."
"That can't be."
"What kind of mental exercises do the guards do?"
"Mental exercises?"
"The guards are tough, but without knowing how to remain calm and collected during a battle, they're putting themselves at risk, not to mention their close quarters combat is far too slow."
"I see. It appears we need to reform our military methods."
"That's just the tip of the iceberg. I've taken a lot of notes on the strain requirements for different body types and how to overcome them. There's also the self-healing factor to take into account."
"Could you show them to me."
"Not now. I need them for this task."
The princess sighed. Letting Twilight put herself in such extreme danger was not appealing in the slightest, but the purple Alicorn was determined to complete this goal at all costs.
"Very well, but I insist you tell me what this regimen will consist of."
"The duration of the training is one year. There are four forests around the world that will provide me with suitable climates for my body to adapt to. My style of training will consist of cardio, awareness, and strength. I'll be spending three months in each location."
"And we've established that magic is forbidden."
"Right. My magic is strong, but some creatures have immunity to it. Clear thinking and physical strength will make taking down any enemy much easier."
"So your mind's made up, then?"
"It is."
"When will you depart?"
"June 1st."
"Alright. I'll make the necessary preparations. Just promise me you'll come back unscathed."
"It's a royal oath."
When June 1st arrived, there was a heavy feeling in the air. Not one soul in Equestria had ever attempted such extreme measures for the sake of protection. The possibility that Twilight could die was ever-present, and the distress it brought was unbearable.
"Twilight, I made something special for your trip," Rarity spoke. She levitated a dark purple piece of clothing off her back.
"A jacket?"
"You said you'd be going somewhere cold. I thought this would help."
"Thanks, Rarity. That's really thoughtful."
"My pleasure, dear."
"Twilight, it's time," Celestia informed her pupil.
"Alright."
Celestia touched the tip of Twilight's horn with her own. A magical seal was put in place to prevent the casting of spells. Even illumination could no longer be performed under this lock.
"Young one," Luna intervened, "be cautious. We still feel Nightmare Moon within us, and she is filled with fear at the thought of the strength you describe. Something much more sinister may dwell within you ."
"Fear not, sister. We were born into powers of nature that we can't always control. Twilight has no such abilities."
"To disregard any possibility is foolhardy."
"Princess Celestia, what is she saying," Twilight asked with a tinge of fear.
"Don't worry. Luna has always had an ominous streak. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."
"ALL ABOARD," The conductor yelled.
"Well, I guess it's time for me to leave."
"Stay safe, Twilight," Spike pleaded.
"I will, Spike. Take care of everyone while I'm gone."
Tears began to involuntarily fall from his eyes. Twilight's soon followed suit, and they shared one last hug for the time being before Twilight boarded for her first destination; the forest of dreams.
Twilight stared out the window of her seat. She had previously loaded her equipment onto the train. All she brought was a simple spear, a water filter, a survival book, and two fantasy novels for entertainment. However, at the moment, she didn't feel like reading. Her stomach was churning with nervousness as she stared out the window. What had Luna meant by something worse living within her? Was there a risk she would go haywire and turn on the population of Equestria? Could it be a predisposition to evil because of her unstable history? Whatever it was, she didn't want to find out. All she could do was pray this endeavor went well.
"Looks like rain..."
Shining Armor was home in the crystal empire when he received a letter from the princess pertaining to Twilight's goal. He was instantly horrified when he realized the impossible expectations she had set for herself. Not only did she lack athletic skill, but if the royal guard training was grueling, this could potentially leave her in a vegetative state if she wasn't careful.
"Cadance, come here, quick!"
"Not so loud," she whispered harshly as she appeared, "I just put Flurry down for a nap."
"This is urgent," he responded with a quieter tone," Twilight's gone to train in the wilderness for the next year. Just read this note."
Cadance skimmed over the letter.
"I don't get it. Why is she doing this?"
"I don't know. If she goes at the rate she's planning, her heart might give out. I've got to get to her."
"Shining, it's too late. She's already left by now."
"I can't just sit around and do nothing."
"Trust in her judgement for once. She wouldn't do anything she couldn't handle."
"I'm terrified. One wrong move and she's gone forever."
"Could you handle this training?"
"Yeah, but I've been at it for years. She's not accustomed to the pressure."
"Well, now's the chance for her to do that."
"I'm not gonna' let her do this. She's my sister, and I have to save her."
"She might no like that too much."
"I may be to blame for this already. The least I can do is try to make amends for never being there when she needed me the most."
Shining left the castle without another word. Even if it took eternity, he would find Twilight and stop her from destroying herself. Unfortunately for him, his suspicions would prove just as true as he feared.
It would take two days for Twilight Sparkle to reach her destination. She often found herself drifting in and out of sleep from boredom. The novels she brought with her were normally entertaining, but they just didn't seem to fit the mood of the trip. For all she knew, she was heading towards her own death.
"Mental note: add more variety to the fiction selection when I get back."
Rain began to pour freely from the dark bluish-grey sky. Had there been a concept of heaven in Equestria, it would seem as though the tears of angels were falling to the somber earth.
"I wonder why I never thought to write my own book," Twilight said to herself out loud, "I always had the spare time for it at the end of the day."
After a while of contemplating the idea, her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten this morning, and it was after 2:00 P.M. at this point.
"Okay, stomach. You win."
Twilight got up from her seat and made her way to the food car.
All of Twilight's friends had gathered at Rarity's boutique. They were deeply concerned for the fate of their friend. Even if she did make it, they wouldn't see her again for a whole year.
"I'm havin' trouble figuring out Twilight's motives for not takin' us with her," Applejack wondered verbally.
"Maybe she wanted to surprise us with something," Pinkie Pie suggested.
"We already know where she's goin', Pinkie. There's nothin' there she could surprise us with.
"Yeah. I guess that would be kind of silly."
"Let's go over the basics, then," Rarity recommended, "We know she's doing this to prevent any kind of murderous being from destroying the world. The question is: why does she think that will happen? It never has, and likely never will."
"Maybe she knows something we don't," Rainbow Dash stated.
"Maybe she just didn't want to tell us because she didn't know how we would take it," Fluttershy added.
"But what could she know," Applejack responded with curiosity.
"Perhaps we're looking too much into this," Rarity offered, "The fear of being killed or watching someone you love die in front of your eyes is a very rational one. Maybe she just didn't want to put us in danger too."
"Maybe," Applejack replied, "but still, somethin' ain't right I tell ya'."
Shining Armor made his way through the snowy wastelands beyond the crystal empire. He remembered the first time he came through here. Sombra had blocked off his magic somehow during their first confrontation. It was strange. Why didn't he go for Twilight too? Her magic was far superior to his own, and he was the captain of the royal guard. Something was really off about that whole experience. There was no way Sombra couldn't have known. He had the ability to see magical energy, and Shining knew full well that Twilight could defeat both himself and Sombra in one fell swoop. Was she holding back the entire time? No, that's not like Twilight. She would've been risking the enslavement of an entire kingdom for eternity.
"Oh, No!"
Twilight finished her food and reclaimed her empty seat. She decided it was time to pull out her trusty survival guide and sharpen her mental skills.
"First things first. I'll need a shelter and water."
She took the water filter from her satchel. Within her hooves, a small plastic object held the power to sustain life.
"It's kind of cute."
She went over in her mind the words that had just exited her mouth.
"I really am crazy."
Twilight resumed reading her guide. By the time she reached her destination, she would know enough about the plant and animal life to remain unmarred for the duration of her stay.
48 hours isn't vert long by any stretch of the imagination, but to Twilight Sparkle, it felt like years. When the train finally did stop, there was a melancholic feeling throughout her body. She made her way through the soul consuming bleakness of the train car. The dark environment had already set the tone for the journey, whether she knew it or not. Car after car went by as time slowed until it was almost completely frozen. The conductor met her before her final departure from the vehicle.
"I know this is probably none of my business, but I think coming here was a mistake. Lots of ponies have met their end here from wild animal attacks and the like," he warned her.
"If I make it out, that won't be an issue anymore."
"Suit yourself."
The stallion returned to his post and left Twilight to vacate the machine.
For summer, it was exceptionally cool. This did not elude the purple Alicorn as she tugged on her new jacket for warmth. She would be eternally grateful to Rarity for her consideration. Rain droplets continued to fall from the sky. Each one reminded her of a teardrop as they pierced through the exposed areas of her fur with ease.
"Guess I should start on the shelter now..."
She went into the forest with what little gear she had. There were stories about ghosts haunting the evergreen trove, but for an analytical mind such as Twilight's, there was no room for superstition. It would have been wise for her not to deny something she could never disprove.
It didn't take long for Twilight to build her campground. Unfortunately, the rain prevented the creation of a fire, but there were plenty of sticks and leaves around. While it only provided so much comfort, the crayon-like smell of the rain reminded her of her fillyhood. If anyone had told her she would be doing functional and survival training in the wilderness, she would've thought they'd had a bit too much hard cider, but this was reality. Knowing as much as Twilight did could be considered a curse by some. Even worlds previously untouched by the mark of cold, heartless murder were corruptible. That was the sad truth of it. Now she was playing on a gamble. There was no telling if the increase in her strength and endurance would be enough.
"Well, here goes nothing."
Without hesitation, Twilight placed her front hooves on the solid ground and stretched out her hind legs. Each foreleg was exactly shoulder length apart. This left her in a perfectly aligned plank position. Slowly, she relaxed her forelegs, lowering herself to the ground. Once she was about an inch from the earth's soil, she lifted herself back up slightly faster than she'd let herself fall. Mentally, she kept track of how many times she would repeat this action.
"1...2...3...4...5..."
Due to her good form, the strain was kept down to a minimum. However, the lack of experience soon kicked in. After only about fifteen push ups, she had to stop and take a 30 second break. Thankfully, she was already expecting this. She never went into a new activity thinking it would be a cakewalk. It was one of her strong points that would make her workouts much more tolerable while she was mastering the process. After decompressing the muscle resistance, she was back at it with determination.
"Ouch. That bites."
It took a little bit of time, but with a few breaks of about thirty seconds in between repetitions, Twilight had accomplished 150 push ups, each one executed with consistent and proper form. Now it was on to the next exercise. After finding a decent-sized and sturdy tree, she placed her hind legs against it at a 90 degree angle. With her front hooves carefully locked behind her ears, she slowly raised her upper body from the ground. As part of her pre-departure studies, she'd learned how to do each exercise correctly. For sit ups, she had to be careful not to tug on her neck or lean forward too far, as it would cause a choking feeling because of the pressure on her windpipe. Just like with the push ups, she kept track of how many sets and reps she did. 150 total reps seemed to be her current limit. Without anything soft beneath her spine, there was a little bit of extra stress, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. As with all calisthenics, form and execution were key. The speed was important factor, because if she went too fast, the rapid motion would increase the pressure even more, putting her at risk for injury, which was the last thing she needed.
After the exercise was complete, it was on to cardio and awareness training. This would help her learn to control her breathing, acclimate to high intensity situations, and boost her speed tremendously. To reduce her body heat, she removed the jacket Rarity had given her. The droplets of rain somewhat rejuvenated her already sore and perspiring body. The first activity was jumping jacks. While the exercise wasn't particularly difficult, it would increase her heart rate and, as mentioned before, teach her breath control to balance out the oxygen and carbon dioxide in her system, supplying her body with fresh blood from the heart so she could go for as long as possible. She stood with her hind legs close together and forelegs at her sides. Quickly, she jumped, spreading her hind legs to side and lifted her forelegs over her head before returning to her original position. In a three minute period she was able to do 90 jumping jacks. This was about average for the untrained pony. Twilight's breath, meanwhile, was still too fast. To rectify this, she inhaled through her nostrils for about four seconds, then exhaled through her mouth for another four and repeated this until her heart slowed down. After about forty-five minutes of simultaneously combining the exercise and breath control, she was able to reach 900 complete jumping jacks with energy to spare. Next up was a sprint to test her stamina and so on. It continued like this until nightfall.
After completing as many exercises as she could for the day, Twilight scavenged around for some of the edible plants that grew here and located the nearest river. It was only about ten minutes from her camping location. The berries would provide her with enough liquid until the next day. She could hollow out a tree stump and use it to purify the water. If at all possible, she wanted to avoid hunting any animals. If she rationed her food, that might just be possibility.
After returning to camp, she stored everything and prepared to turn in for the night.
"So you're the one that's been roaming this world all our lives."
Twilight flipped out at the sound of the other being who had just decided to show up out of nowhere.
"Jeez, you're easily disturbed. How did you even make it this long without me?"
Twilight veered behind her head. She saw only a tenebrous silhouette.
"Show yourself," She barked.
"Would you relax already? I'm not hiding."
Wait a minute. That voice...
"Why do you sound like me!?"
"Because I am you."
A horrified look crossed Twilight's countenance. Though it couldn't be seen, a smirk formed on the murky doppelganger's face.
"So, are you supposed to be my shadow or something?"
"Not exactly. Your shadow is where it's always been."
"What are you then?"
"To put it bluntly, I'm every negative emotion and vice you subconsciously blocked out from the day you were born."
"Subconsciously?"
"I don't really know how to explain it. It was like there was some kind of fail-safe built into your mind that locked me out, but there were times I occasionally slipped through the cracks."
"You mean when I went crazy or got mad for a little while."
"Yep. That was pretty much me showing through. I'm guessing you've never had the urge to drink in excess or anything like that, right?"
"Right."
"I only had so much influence. I tried to show myself as much as I could, but most of my attempts were in vain."
"What if I didn't want you around though?"
"Your personality directly affects mine while I'm in physical form, so I'll tell you a few things. First off, all beings are born with an instinct to destroy. It was a key survival feature, and still is in wild animals. Secondly, I know everything about every universe because I'm connected to every life form in existence. Third, I didn't want to be around either."
"You don't want to be here?"
"No. I'm literally an embodiment of the suicidal impulse that only developed in creatures of higher consciousness. If your mind were to be truly complete, there's a possibility you would try to destroy yourself."
"But you said you possess infinite knowledge. Why can't you use that to change everything?"
"One reason: Your body won't last long enough. You're mortal. You'll die eventually."
"What about the princesses?"
"They would have to accept their complete consciousness and overcome the self-destructive tendencies that followed. Not one single soul in existence can handle that pressure. Now that you know I exist, I'm part of you, and I'll manifest every night you're alone from now on unless you defeat me or erase me from memory completely."
"Even if I got rid of the memory, you could still show up, couldn't you?"
"That's the long and short of it."
"Then I'll fight you."
"You're willing to confront me? That's a surprise."
"How so?"
"Because, you likely won't win."
"You sound pretty self-assured."
"My power over the mind has destroyed everyone it's come into contact with. I can't be anything but self-assured."
Twilight grabbed her spear that was lying nearby.
"I'll make you a little wager," the dark half of Twilight's soul offered, "If I fight you after every night you train, you'll get a little better each time. After the full year is up, we'll engage in one last face-off. If you win, I'll probably disappear for good. If I win, I take over your mind and body."
"You gamble for high stakes."
"Being alive is an all or nothing game. That goes for everyone, including me."
"You're on."
Before Twilight could even react, her other half warped behind her.
"I think you should get some shut-eye."
She felt a pinch on her neck before collapsing to the ground in the hauntingly cold rain.
Twilight woke up in her shelter feeling like death the next morning. Her analytical mind wanted to deny everything that transpired, but as the day went on, she could feel rationality slipping away. It was the first time in her life when logic failed her to this degree. Physically speaking, someone's soul couldn't split in two, even with the use of magic. It was completely unheard of. Was she just going crazy? Her perception of reality was definitely distorted by this time. She didn't know what to believe anymore. Even Star Swirl never documented this type of phenomenon. She was completely on her own in this situation. All through the light of day, she watched the fields outside the forest. The wind made the grass and leaves sway ever so gently. A deep fear and despair settled in. She could either continue her training and try to overcome her own hidden nature, or give up here and die. If she went home now and admitted defeat, she couldn't live with herself knowing what was out here. There were only two options on the table, and it took all day to finally make her choice.
The second confrontation with her soul other was very different from the first. It knew the same pressure point trick wouldn't work twice in a row. However, that wasn't enough to keep Twilight's body from being beaten, broken, and bloodied. She still lacked the strength, stamina, endurance, and pain tolerance to protect herself. It would take a while to get used to this. She wondered off and on if that was all she was going to do.
"Still have a bit of a ways to go," the soul apparition said bluntly. Twilight couldn't respond because of the pain, but she was in complete agreeance with herself. Her other half's horn began to glow a dark color. "There; right as rain."
After feeling the pain subside for a minute, Twilight stood up. Her body was completely healed.
"We don't really have much to gauge how much stronger you've gotten since the first night. It'll be easier to tell next time we fight."
Twilight grumbled in frustration.
"I can see you're getting a bit flustered. You realize you could just fly back and forget about all this, right?"
"You'd eventually show up again anyway. I'd rather just be over and done with this whole ordeal the first time."
"Well, you'll have to take that up with our brother."
A confused look crossed Twilight's face.
"I felt his energy shift a while ago. He's on his way here as we speak."
"Why?"
"I'm not a mind-reader. I just possess knowledge of the physical world, but I do know one thing; you're not entirely thrilled to have to see him, are you?
"Have I told you I hate having you in my head?"
"I probably could've guessed."
Both of them looked out to the forest's exit where Shining would eventually appear in two days' time.
"Anyway, it's time I get going."
"You think he'll show up before our next meeting?"
"Who knows?"
With that out of the way, the other portion of Twilight's soul vanished into the forest.
"Shining Armor? Now I'm really lost."
Shining's ride wasn't particularly eventful, but there was a hollow feeling that settled in. There was no one else around to converse with, so he couldn't even take his mind off the unfavorable possibilities running through his mind. The experiments he'd previously brought up with Twilight's friends were something else to dwell on too. Those that volunteered didn't show any signs of psychological harm for a while, but was there a possibility it began earlier? From what Shining remembered reading, the examinations were conducted in intervals instead of having the participants be constantly monitored. That could've been a fatal flaw in treating the illness. Maybe there was something they missed; something Shining might just figure out when he achieved contact with his younger sister. Something else was off too. How come Twilight's magic was suppressed before any of this even occurred? In every unicorn case, changes in their magic were documented, and there were no effects until after a varying period. Was something up before the experiments even started?
The next 48 hours came and went without much incident. Shining arrived at the entrance to the forest as the sun began to set. To his surprise, Twilight was standing before him, a stone cold look in her eyes.
"I knew you'd be here," was all she uttered, though there was a strong sense of underlying remorse.
"How?"
"I guess you're here to tell me this is a bad idea and I should go home, right?"
"Did you develop precognition powers or something?"
"Everything's set up. Stay here tonight. You'll see what's really going on."
Twilight reentered the forest.
"Could this mean I missed something after all?"
For the first couple hours, nothing out of the ordinary happened. Twilight and Shining sat around the fire in front of the shelter. The exchange of words leading up to that point was minimal.
"So, what's been going on since you left?"
"Look behind you."
"Not funny, Twily."
"You don't even know the half of it," Shining heard from the rear area. He froze before slowly, delicately moving his head to see what was making its way to his ears. The shadowy figure caused him to scream in panic.
"WHAT ARE YOU!?"
"You're easier to scare than me, Shining."
"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!?"
"If you'd stop screaming for a minute, I could actually tell you."
Though still in a panicked state, Shining kept his mouth in check.
"Good. Now, to start off, if you look at my form, who do I remind you of?"
"...T-Twilight?"
"Bingo. Both of us are Twilight, but I'm the half you never saw."
Shining began to calm down and stood up on his hooves.
"The half I never saw? What in Celestia's name are you talking about?"
"I don't think you should be using the name of your goddess in vain, should you?"
Shining was getting more confused with every word.
"Never mind. Anyway, to put it in layman's terms, I'm every destructive impulse and self-defeating emotion your sister never experienced."
"So, the ones like you were behind everything!?"
"You mean those failed experiments where they thought it was some kind of disorder of the mind, right?"
"Darn it! I should've known from the beginning there was more to it than that!"
"Every species in this universe was born with a type of safety lock in their psyche that can only be broken when the circumstances call for it. In the case of those experiments, there was an opportunity for their variations to escape, so they took it. Without strong enough convictions to resist, they gave up and let their emotions take over, leading to the disaster you know now."
"I'm guessing Twilight's been giving you a run for your money, then?"
"Mentally, yes."
"Mentally?"
"It's better if you see for yourself."
The original Twilight stood on her hooves.
"Shining," she told her brother, "whatever you see, don't get caught up in it. I'll be okay."
Shining was still mixed up in his thoughts, but he nodded anyway. He could guess what was about to happen. With every necessary preparation taken care of, Twilight and her soul engaged in battle.
Unlike the previous nights, when the fight concluded, Twilight still had the strength to stand, albeit just barely. She wiped the blood from her now broken nose.
"You're a quick learner."
"..."
"Anyway, your strength and technique really need some work, but you did a good job at minimizing injury by dodging. If you want my advice, try blocking with the sturdiest parts of your limbs too."
"I'll take that into account."
"Time to heal."
The separated entity cast her healing spell, fully restoring Twilight's power and cleaning her off. Once that was finished, she retreated to the shadows. The original walked past her brother to the shelter. Without looking back, she gave him one last warning.
"Now you know what I'm dealing with. Go home and be with Cadance and Flurry. They need you."
"...Hey, Twilight."
"Yeah?"
"Did you resent me for not being around after I joined the guard?"
Twilight hung her head in sorrow.
"I did, but you were happy. I couldn't take that way from you."
"It's okay. I get it."
"I was lost without you around. You and Spike were my only friends for a long time."
Shining went over to Twilight and lifted her head. There was a huge smile on his face.
"Hey, don't look so down. There's a whole world open to you now, and I can start to make it up to you."
"Huh?"
"You're already getting really strong. I think I can retire and leave Equestria in your security."
"I can't be a guard."
"I can find someone to replace my position, but if the world has a mare as strong as you, the royal guard's just a formality at this point. You don't have to do everything on your own either. You can train with others and teach them everything you know. I think you've just unlocked the secret to a global defense force."
Twilight's eyes lit up with hope at the prospect. Equestria could finally be safe forever, and she would be the one to bring it all to fruition.
"I'll take your advice and leave in the morning. This is getting a bit too weird for me. Just keep fighting, no matter what tries to stop you."
Twilight looked into her brother's eyes, determination overflowing.
"I will."
Author's Note
"There is a ghost in all of us! There are many that try to open their minds deciphering the intellect of spiritual design!"
-Erra, White Noise
Phantom Pulse
One year has gone by since Twilight's meeting with her own split soul. Her mane grew long over the course of her training, covering her right eye. Currently, she was completing the last of her calisthenic exercises in the forest of summer's warmth, topping out at 9200 reps for each one. Her final struggle against her soul was expected to take place earlier in the evening than usual. The explanation for this was that it just seemed more fitting to the separated entity. All that was standing between them now was time and what little remaining cardio Twilight had left to finish.
"I guess this is the end," the inner self claimed with honesty.
"..."
"I know it must've been a tough road for you."
"..."
"Would you please say something?"
Not a word escaped the original Twilight's mouth. However, there was a most unusual body language. Without any prior knowledge of this ability, the inner self watched as the original's body became momentarily translucent before returning to normal.
"Dude, what the hell was that!?"
That was the last thought to cross the inner self's mind before Twilight phased over to her. The motion was so swift it created a multi-frame afterimage. The inner self tried to strike Twilight with her hoof, but it only went through her body. Twilight Sparkle was somehow defensively intangible. With speed only matched by a god, Twilight lifted the inner self high above the forest. Before the inner self knew it, they were over Twilight's home of Ponyville.
"You know what I was thinking after Shining left that night," She finally spoke inquisitively.
"Holy shit! Calm down for a minute, alright!?"
"You're telling me to calm down when my body was destroyed every night for an entire year; when I lost my first home here because I couldn't stop a power hungry monster from throwing a temper tantrum? None of that's even the worst part. When my big brother left the forest the day after meeting you, I had to ask myself if I was even fit to be around my niece while she grew up in a loving, happy home. You stole my entire personality and replaced who I was with an empty shell full of grief and remorse. My nature was changed forever, and I can't go back to the way I used to be, so I think it's only fair you pay the price for the role you played."
Twilight tossed the inner self to the ground with enough speed and force to break every bone within a normal creature's anatomy. The inner self crashed where the charred remains of the library had long ago been removed. Twilight phased to the ground.
"What are you gonna' do? You can't kill me."
"I can expose you."
"For what? I'm just part of you."
"An unnecessary part that shouldn't exist."
"Did you ever stop to think that maybe having me around was useful!? I triggered your fucking survival instinct! The least you could do is show me a little appreciation here!"
"What am I supposed to survive? We handled everything just fine before."
"Did you ever stop and think you could die in one of you and your friends' little escapades!? Maintaining yourself is kind of important, don't ya' think!?"
"I'll die one day anyway, and all of us will be remembered as heroes when we go. I'm not afraid when my time comes."
"You're stupid."
"Compared to you, my knowledge is limited, but you did your worst, and I came out on top."
"You don't get it at all. Without a desire for self-preservation, you're just leaving yourself vulnerable to worse mental deterioration."
"I only need to stay alive long enough to beat the next threat. That's what my purpose is."
"You're telling me you think giving up like that is defeating me!? Are you that dense!?"
"You tell me what I'm supposed to do then."
"For fuck's sake! Just live life with love, sympathy, and empathy for others! At least if you go out before your time, you'll have done your best!"
Twilight was dumbstruck at the shift in tone this conversation was taking.
"If you want to expose me, whatever! Fine! Just stop with this ghost power crap and fight me with the strength and character you're familiar with! That's all I ask!"
"...You know what? You're right."
"Thank you!"
The inner self breathed a sigh of relief.
"Before you start wailing on me though, I should warn you that the burst of deadly energy you created probably woke up the spirits of the dead. You might have to contend with some pretty vicious apparitions when this is all over."
"I'll take whatever they can dish out."
"Now you're talking like the Twilight I remember."
The battle between the two connected forces didn't last as long as they expected. Twilight's immense physical strength quickly overwhelmed her internal counterpart. Once the inner self was beaten into submission, Twilight threw her through each of her friends' homes, explaining the situation as best she could in the least amount of words. Also, just for effect, she wanted to make something of a dramatic entrance. She could worry about the consequences later.
"You can be a real pain in your friends' rumps sometimes, you know that?"
"We're all like that. It's why we love each other."
"Guess I can't argue with that logic."
"I'll let the princess deal with you. I think we've both taken enough beatings for one lifetime."
"What about Shining?"
"He got enough of you the first time around."
"Fair enough."
With the defeated half of her soul at her side, Twilight went forward to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
"Dear goodness, Twilight! What is that thing," Celestia asked.
"I'll let her explain."
"Good evening, your royal highnesses. I am Twilight Sparkle, or more specifically, half of her soul she was born with that never saw the light of day."
"Preposterous," Luna declared, "One cannot separate themselves into two different ponies."
"Not on a conscious level," the inner self replied, "However, through extreme isolation and deep thought, a new physical specimen can be created when the seal of the mind is broken."
"Seal of the mind," Celestia wondered out loud.
"Everyone in Equestria was born with a safety lock in their heads. It keeps dark thoughts from taking control of the brain."
"I see. So you're Twilight's dark thoughts?"
"Yes."
"Why did you awaken?"
"To trigger her survival instinct."
"I don't follow."
"I'll give an example. What's the hardest thing you've ever done?"
"Well, banishing Luna to the moon."
"Okay. So say Twilight's brother Shining Armor died. It's unlikely as it currently stands, but not beyond the realm of possibility. I would drive Twilight into one of two directions; self-destructive and insane, or heartfelt with a predisposition for more strength than she thought possible. Judging by the thrashing she gave me from the woods to here, I'm confident it would be the latter, because I was winning our fights up until today."
"Twilight was fighting with herself?"
"Correct."
"And you say she won today? Why is that significant?"
"Because it was our final struggle, and she bested me. She's mastered control over her emotions."
"If I'm honest," Twilight added, "I stopped feeling the physical pain after the first two months."
"There you go! The only thing that was holding her back was her own head. Once she decided enough was enough, I was easy pickings."
"What will you do now," Celestia wondered again.
"My job is done. I can be destroyed with a simple light spell, but I need you to unlock her magic."
"Very well. I shall do as you request."
Removing herself from her throne, Celestia came face to face with her pupil. There was a hardened look deep behind Twilight's content expression.
"Was the journey difficult?"
"There was a lot of heartache, but I'm still here."
"Indeed you are."
Once again touching Twilight's horn with her own, Celestia broke the seal that had cut off Twilight's natural talent of magic.
"There's one more thing I should probably mention," the inner self stated, "Be extremely cautious. There's spiritual power lurking around now. Your pupil lost her temper with me, and I discovered she has powers you would only expect to see from ghosts. That may very well have summoned the spirits of the dead to this world."
"Thank you for the warning," Celestia acknowledged.
"Don't mention it."
Twilight faced herself for what would be the last time.
"Don't show your face here again," She joked.
"What face?"
Twilight and her inner self burst out laughing. When the fit was over, Twilight cast the light spell, and the half of her soul which had plagued her for so long was no more.
"I have to go, princess. I kind of overdid it earlier, so I need to help my friends fix their homes."
"I wish you well, Twilight Sparkle."
"Take heart, young one," Luna said, "If what we heard with our ears is true, there is hope for us all."
"Thank you, princess Luna."
Twilight left the castle with balanced spirits. Now in control of her own fate, there was a new task at hand: Vanquishing whatever malevolent entities she might have unleashed.
Author's Note
I figured I should let you guys know ahead of time there's some pretty heavy stuff in this and the next chapter. Even horror rarely touches on Suicide, and I'm handling it the best I can with my current writing skills. Please try not to take what you read here too much to heart, and help anyone who's struggling with suicidal thoughts. There are hotlines and things like that you can use to help. Seek whatever constructive outlet eases your pain or someone else's.
Breaking Point
"Shining Armor, calm yourself," Princess Celestia told the white unicorn standing before her. He earlier arrived short of breath and in a panicked state.
"Listen Princess, Something terrible is going on with Twilight! I need to find her, fast !"
"Please, relax and quickly tell me what's going on."
"She's at risk of succumbing to self-destruction!"
"What do you mean!?"
"I read about this a long time ago! If a pony is exposed to long periods of isolation and solitude, they become convinced that the world around them is fake; that something isn't right about it! It's commonly mistaken for some kind of psychological disorder, but it's a rapid personality change that can lead to excessive alcohol consumption, tendencies of self-harm, and even suicidal impulses! I should've seen this earlier when her magic was being suppressed by her own mind! That's why Sombra didn't cut off her magic flow too! He didn't know she was more powerful than I was!"
"Oh my goodness! Is it really that dire?"
"I'm afraid so. Please, tell me where she went!"
"If you must find her, she is currently residing in the forest of dreams. However, the next train doesn't leave until tomorrow, and if I'm not mistaken, you can't teleport, can you?"
Shining growled in frustration.
"We will prepare a place for you to rest. I know your journey here was difficult. I assure you, we will see to it that you and Twilight are reunited."
"Fine," Shining mumbled. Now he was just trying to control the urge to slam his head into a wall.
Shining spent most of the night thinking the situation over. It was like an intrusive drill spinning through his skull. Even though he knew the condition existed, there was no information on its cause. There were only a few experiments done, and every time, the subjects were so distant from everyone that no other results could be gathered. The only other thing he knew was that in unicorn cases, their energy couldn't be properly measured. Because of the risks involved, all research into the subject was dropped. All he could do was hope Twilight's mental strength allowed her to last a little longer.
"What will I even say to her once I get there...?"
The train station was empty, save for the princesses and Twilight's friends. The air was exceptionally cool for the time of year, and a breeze was blowing the strands of their manes.
"Shining, will you please explain what's going on," Rarity demanded.
"We believe you at least owe them that, soldier," Luna advised.
"Okay, but promise me you'll all stay here where it's safe."
All Twilight's friends nodded at once.
"You know how it's possible to read magical energy with the right abilities. I didn't realize it on our original journey to the crystal empire, but Twilight's magic was being suppressed by something even more dangerous than anything we've ever faced before: her own mind."
"Wait, what the heck are you sayin'," Applejack questioned, "You're telling us Twi's gone crazy upstairs?"
"Not quite. Have you ever been through long periods alone before; at least a few months at a time?"
All of them shook their heads. It was rare these days most of them stayed home for a week without going anywhere.
"There's a type of condition that was found a long time ago. It was like extreme schizophrenia, but the victim maintained awareness of their own actions and could still control themselves. The downside was that they became convinced something was wrong with the world, like there was something missing that was supposed to be here. When it got to a certain point, every single pony that developed the condition...Well..."
Shining dragged a hoof across his throat; a classic indication of death. Twilight's friends, and even the princesses, winced in horror.
"And I'm afraid to say that's not all either. The type of training she's trying to put herself through could kill her too. I don't even understand why she wanted to do this in the first place. Murder has never existed in Equestria."
"Shining Armor, maybe there's something else she's trying to stop as well," Celestia suggested.
"Huh?"
"Murder as we know it doesn't exist in our world, but there's something that does..."
"You mean...?"
"Suicide."
The mention of the word caused every living being in the area to hang their heads in solidarity. It was such a heartbreaking thing to consider, but it was true. While a rare occurrence, suicide, the act of taking one's own life, was something that persisted, even in one of the most beautiful worlds of them all.
"The condition you described to us is one we were unfortunately unaware of. However, there are other causes that result in the elimination of the self."
"But I don't get it. Why didn't she mention it in the letter if that's true?"
"...She probably didn't want to talk about it," Pinkie Pie interjected. The tone of the words from her voice caught everyone's attention.
"Pinkie, is something wrong," Fluttershy asked with deep concern.
"I've...wanted to do that to myself before," she cracked.
"Pinkie, how long has this been going on," Rarity wished to know.
"Ever since I was little..."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't know how."
"Shining Armor, your train has arrived," Luna proclaimed.
"This is one heck of a day...," Shining grumbled with a tinge of sorrow, "You guys take care of pinkie. I have some family business to take care of."
Twilight's friends nodded except for Pinkie, and Shining boarded the train.
