Scootaloo's Aunts Attend Family Appreciation Day
"Oh, when is this going to be over?!" Sweetie Belle bashed her head repeatedly against her desk in frustration, her horn causing a few nasty splinters to appear.
"I know, it's gotten so dull I kinda wish we were back to doin' normal lessons again... perish the thought!" Apple Bloom replied, almost nodding off and falling onto the floor out of sheer boredom.
Yes, Family Appreciation Day had come around again once more, and the usual tedious retinue of grown-ups had shown up in front of the class, eager to tell their no-so-rapt audience of youngsters all about what they didn't have to look forward to in the future.
First up were Snips's parents, who strangely enough didn't seem quite as dim as their doltish offspring and ran a very successful barber's shop, where coincidentally enough Babs Seed was planning to be a trainee. Maybe there was hope for him yet, if they could get him sufficiently motivated. Good luck with that.
Secondly were Twist's mother and father, who as everypony of a certain age already knew, owned a very popular candy shop in town. Alas, unlike last year, they'd neglected to bring any free samples with them, and hearing about the manufacture of confectionary was nowhere near as interesting as the heavenly sensation of actually eating it.
Then of course we had Applejack, who warbled on and on about apples and their various uses as if there existed no other food in the entire world. Rolling her eyes so much they nearly went into orbit, Apple Bloom remembered when she was the star of the show, the year Granny Smith was her guest. By Celestia, she missed those days.
Rarity soon followed, sadly her extended talk on fashion couture and the whole buttons vs zips debate might've been a smash hit with the glitterati of Canterlot, but in a classroom full of fatigued children it went down like a lead balloon (Pinkie would vouch for this). The poor fashionista was booed off barely halfway through her presentation, and was heard to subtly murmur "philistines" under her breath while making her ignominious exit.
"Alright class, settle down!" Miss Cheerilee attempted to quell the not-so-great reaction to the last speaker, and checked her chart to see who was next up. "Now we have..." she paused momentarily, and an audible gulp could be heard as she went to double and triple check the names.
"...Filthy Rich and S-Spoiled R-Rich!" the petrified teacher quickly made herself scarce for the wealthy pair, knowing that one word out of place from her tyrannical boss Mrs Rich and she could be looking for a new job. Which would be a darn shame, as she was about to make the final downpayment on her new house.
"Thank you, Miss Cheerilee. And, you actually got my name right at the first time of asking today! Well done!" Filthy (who hated to be just called by his first name, except by this author) was always unfailingly polite and thinking about others, in other words: the polar opposite of his obnoxious wife. How they ever got together was one of Ponyville's great mysteries, but rumours abound of some kind of forbidden voodoo ceremony attended by an evil witch. Whether this was Spoiled or not, is entirely theory and conjecture.
"This better not take long, darling. First, you drag me out of my comfortable air-conditioned office to hear a load of old pony from the underclass, then you expect me to just stand here and gawk like a mannequin in front of all of these hooligans while you bluster on about business?! Those opera tickets you promised me tonight for enduring this nonsense better be worth it..." Spoiled grunted impudently, before taking the opportunity to fix her make-up. Not that it would've done her much good, of course: sometimes, you can't polish a turd.
Filthy winced a little at the less-than-salubrious conduct of his 'beloved' wife and Diamond Tiara, who'd unaccountably relocated herself towards the back of the room for this presentation only, shrunk down even lower than before. Silver Spoon, by her side as always, tried her hardest to comfort her best friend, but there's no magical panacea when you have a mother like that. One just has to grin and bear it, before dashing off as quickly as possible when mature enough to flee the nest.
"A-Anyway, let me start by saying what a pleasure it is to be here today, in front of all of you future entrepreneurs..." Filthy attempted to get things back on track, and warmly nodded towards the cluster of little ones around him. "I run a little company called Barnyard Bargains, with over a hundred outlets worldwide. Some of you might even end up working for Barnyard Bargains one day, if you're lucky. We at Barnyard Bargains believe that the customer is always..."
"... Gullible? Loaded? Come on dear, don't keep us in suspense... we have to know, it's a matter of life and death, surely!" Spoiled commented sarcastically, while filing her hooves. "Let me guess, they get a free coupon if they manage to count the amount of times you shamelessly plug the name of the company into your recruiting speech. If I win, can we leave early instead?"
Filthy cringed even further, and was about to take the rare step of either sternly admonishing his wife or meekly asking her to hush a bit, we shall never know. For at that exact moment, the door to the classroom came flying open and in rushed Scootaloo, closely followed by two older female mares, a pegasus and an Earth pony. She ran straight up to Miss Cheerilee, gasping for breath while trying to speak as best she could, despite being utterly exhausted.
"Sorry... Miss. Dash... couldn't... make it. Wonderbolt... emergency." Scootaloo took in great big gulps of air between words. "Brought... aunts... instead. Hope that's... okay."
"It's fine Scootaloo, I just wish you'd informed me a bit earlier." Miss Cheerilee sighed at her notoriously tardy student, while making the necessary adjustments to her clipboard. "I had to put Mr and Mrs Rich on in your place, but if the next student after them agrees, you can go next with your aunties. Is that alright, Silver Spoon?"
"Yes, it's fine..." Silver murmured, not really paying much attention to the teacher. Her sole concern right now was Diamond Tiara, who was hyperventilating even more than Scootaloo was, and the pegasus had ran for about a mile non-stop to get there. Having a mother like Spoiled can do that to you, especially when the full range of her arrogance is on display to a large crowd.
"Okay, so it's all sorted then!" Miss Cheerilee seemed pleased that the youngsters had managed to work this one out for themselves, and gestured at Filthy to resume his speech.
"W-Well, as I was saying, at Barnyard Bargains, I-I, that is to say, w-we..." Filthy struggled to regain his train of thought, thanks to the consistent stream of interruptions which'd dogged his appearance from the beginning.
"Come on Filthy, speak up... don't miss this chance to hoodwink more feckless nitwits to stack shelves for the rest of their wretched lives." Spoiled smirked evilly, beginning to enjoy herself. "It's all they'll ever be good for, anyway. Throw a banana into a crowd of monkeys, and you get..."
"Excuse me, but some of us would actually like to hear what your husband has to say. So if you don't mind me asking, could you please pipe down a bit?"
You could've heard a pin drop in the room. Everypony stared at each other in absolute shock. Filthy looked as he was about to have an aneurysm, as somepony present had seemingly forgotten the golden rule:
'You do not interrupt Spoiled. Under any circumstances.'
"Who said that? Who dared to cheek me?! Well, speak up, so I know who's just set themselves up for the biggest detention ever." Clearly Spoiled was now itching for a fight, with her personal beauty routine put on indefinite hiatus. She meticulously scanned the rows and rows of fidgeting pupils like a predator, attempting to locate any telltale signs of insubordination.
"Don't go blaming any of the kids, now. It was me who just spoke to you, so if you want to get angry at somepony, you just have to turn around."
"Huh?" Spoiled did as she was told and spun about to face her aggressor. Lo and behold, it was one of the two aunts the little orange pest had just arrived with. From Spoiled's perspective, she was sort of a ghastly pinkish colour, wore a tacky necklace and had a weird Cutie Mark which made it seem as though she just loafed around in the sun all day. "And who exactly might you be?!"
"I 'might' be Lofty, but I'm not." the pinkish Earth Pony pointed to her more reticent blue pegasus companion with a purple mane and what looked like a winged sheep as the symbol on her flank. "That's Lofty over there, and I'm Holiday. We both came here today to hear from the families of the fillies and colts that attend this class, as well as do a bit of speaking ourselves. At the moment, not only are you delaying us from having our turn, you're also making your husband and daughter feel very uncomfortable. That's her in the back, right? The filly who looks like she's about to throw up. I'm pretty sure I'm right. I've always been a good guesser..."
"W-What? Well, I've never heard such rudeness in my entire life!" Spoiled looked like she was about to blow a gasket, while a few isolated sniggers rang out around the classroom. "I can see where your niece gets her unruly ways! Just you wait 'til I a have a word with her mother and father! If they didn't know who was causing their filly to act out in school before, then they certainly will by the time I've finished talking to them!"
Scootaloo suddenly seemed crestfallen, and Lofty looked like she was about to step forward and say something, but Holiday stopped her by laying a gentle hoof on her neck. "Oh, really? How interesting." The pinkish Earth pony remarked with an undertone of amusement. "And pray tell, what will you tell Mama and Papa Scootaloo when they have the pleasure of your esteemed company?"
"Well, first of all I'll chastise them for not being here today..." Spoiled puffed out her chest, Holiday's sardonic tone going completely above her head. "Then, I'll tell them that their sisters are a bad influence on their daughter, who's always behind in lessons and participating in such dangerous stunts, like trying to drive that damned contraption of hers off the school slide and over a group of colts and fillies dumb enough to volunteer. I bet she doesn't even have a licence for that thing! I'm the head of the school board, you know, so I have direct access to all that kind of information. I know everything there is to know about everypony..."
"Yeah, I know exactly who you are..." Holiday nodded slightly, while Lofty, strangely enough, was trying to stifle a chuckle just behind her. "Your name often comes up in conversations with Scootaloo and her friends, and may I just say you don't disappoint one bit regarding how they describe you."
"Huh, who are you to judge me?" Spoiled practically grabbed Filthy to put him in a headlock, while shoving her Cutie Mark almost directly into Holiday's face. "See this stallion? Well, he's my husband... and together, we're the richest equines in all of Ponyville. See my mark? It means I was always destined to marry the best of the best, and I certainly did that with my darling here. Anything I can possibly want, all I have to do is snap my hooves, and it arrives on a silver platter. Beat that!!"
"Oh, my!" Holiday put on a faux look of admiration. "That is impressive, but could you please point that thing away from me? Much obliged. Of course, it would be even more impressive if you'd actually earned any of it yourself, instead of relying on a... what's that word I'm trying to think of, dear?"
"E-Er... could you mean 'sugar daddy'?" Lofty spoke for the first time after thinking for a brief period.
"Yes, that's the one!" Holiday looked pleased at the blue pegasus, and gave her a little wink. "Regular walking thesaurus, is my Lofty. I don't know what I do without her. Especially, while doing the newspaper crossword. Going back to my original point, Mrs Rich: don't you think you'd get just a bit more satisfaction with your life, if you weren't such a..."
"Gold-digger?" Lofty popped up with another suggestion, this time unprompted.
"... Well, I was about to say something else, but there are children present, so I guess that'll have to do." Holiday sighed to herself, before turning back to Spoiled. "Anyway, seeing as you were so kind as to inform us about the meaning of your Cutie Mark, allow me and my 'friend' here to share our talents! Mine helped me start up one of the biggest Travel Agents in Equestria. We send ponies all over the world, from the bright lights of Las Pegasus to the cold climes of Yakyakistan, at very reasonable rates, too. You might have heard of us, we're called the E.T... Equestrian Travels."
Upon hearing the deceptively illustrious profession of the mare in front of her, Spoiled began to look a tad ill. "B-B-But that can't be true. T-T-They make thousands of bits every year. W-W-We used you last year for our tenth wedding anniversary. Y-Y-Your service was exemplary..."
"Well, thank you very much!" Holiday grinned wryly at Spoiled's confabulations, while a few more giggles began ringing out around the classroom. "You may also be interested to know that Lofty here runs the best flight academy school around. Several of their alumni have become well-known Wonderbolts... like Spitfire for example, their captain? Or Wind Rider, the long distance record holder, before his public shaming?"
"Y-Y-You're not 'Lift-Off Lofty's', are you?" Spoiled spluttered, all her negative preconceptions about this hard-working, influential pair cut to ribbons. "Y-Y-Your reputation is second to-none in the most prestigious circles. F-F-For so long, I've wanted to invite you to one of my candlelight suppers, where we could use my best periwinkle china..."
"Well, sorry to say this, but I think we're going to be busy that night." Holiday slapped her hoof against her head, while adopting a mock note of disappointment. "Darn our full schedules, they're just bursting at the seams with so many trivial invites to Celestia's palace and Grand Galloping Galas we sadly can't find the time to attend your charming little soiree! Such a shame!"
"B-But I haven't even told you which night of the week..." Spoiled tried to protest the abrupt decision.
"We're busy every night of the week you need us, believe me." Lofty spoke markedly less than her Earth Pony companion, but her words were nevertheless infused with meaning.
"To show you we're such good sports, though..." Holiday chimed in again, a smug look emerging on her face. "We'll take you down to see Scootaloo's parents later on. You can spend as long as you want talking to them. In fact, anypony can."
Spoiled was beginning to feel very small now, as more and more of the class began to lose the fear they once held for the dictatorial mare and visibly jeer in her direction. "I-I-I don't really think that'll be necessa..."
"Oh come now, don't let us stop you, Mrs Rich!" Holiday was getting an uncharacteristically amount of fun from watching Spoiled squirm, and continued to push home her advantage. "It's open all day and all night, though I wouldn't recommend you go late in the evening because it gets a bit spooky, especially around Nightmare Night..."
Spoiled's mind was in such a state of flux, it took her a while to process all of Holiday's words. "W-What?!" was her only response to Holiday's cryptic remarks.
"What my 'friend' means, is that they 'live' at the graveyard. They're dead, you see." Lofty elaborated on Holiday's point, shaking her head with sadness while wrapping a stray wing protectively around a nearby Scootaloo.
"Yes, it's all true. Both killed in a tragic accident when Scootaloo was just a mere foal, the details of which are none of your business." Holiday glowered at Spoiled, and the usually stuck-up mare found herself wilting under the pressure. "But of course, what with you being the 'head of the school board' who knows 'everything there is to know about everypony', you'd have been aware of that already, right? So why are we wasting time telling you this, when you probably heard about their deaths even before we did? Silly us!!"
If Spoiled could've dug a hole there and then, she would've made it 100ft deep and probably never emerged again. "Y-Y-Yes, of course I... I-I-I mean, no, of course I didn't! H-H-How was I supposed to have heard about that? I-I-I don't know anything about your family!"
"Well, that much is clear, at least..." Holiday sighed, glad that Spoiled was for once seemingly telling the truth. "Actually, I get the feeling that if you spent more time trying to help children like Scootaloo instead of devising new ways to demean and punish them, you'd be a bit more up to date with their lives. What kind of a school board member are you, anyway? All it would've taken was a cursory look at her personal file, and you would've been able to find out about Scootaloo's parents for yourself, among other things. Including, who's looking after her now..."
Spoiled didn't exactly want to add to her rampant humiliation by commented any further, but she had to admit to herself, she was a little curious about the orange filly's current living situation. "U-Um... maybe an orphanage? O-Or does she live with one of you fabulous ladies? A-Are you going to tell me? Y-You don't have to if you don't want to..."
Holiday realised now she had Spoiled totally in the palm of her hoof, and mercifully decided to put her out of her misery. "Actually, she lives with both of us. Me, and my wife Lofty over there. We adopted Scootaloo soon after her mother and father sadly left us, and she's been with us ever since. We're all doing very well, thank you for asking."
If Spoiled was starting to crack up before, now she seemed on the verge of splitting into a million pieces. "B-B-But I thought you were... t-t-the parents sisters... a-a-and you can't get married... y-y-you're both mares..."
"Well, you're half-right, which is pretty good for you, I suppose..." Holiday mused, as Lofty came along to link hooves with her. "I'm Scoot's father's sister, and Lofty here is a pegasus I was lucky enough to fall in love with. And in case there's any confusion, gay marriage has been legal in Equestria since Celestia took the throne back almost at the dawn of time. Why, we're not even the only lesbian couple in all of Ponyville. You know Lyra and Bon-Bon? They've been partners for almost as long as we have. Would you like to see our rings? Marriage certificate? Our..."
"A-Actually, I think I'd like to see a d-d-doctor..." these were Spoiled final utterings before she collapsed into a big o'heap on the floor, completely out for the count. The mortifying embarrassment of being made a public spectacle of was just too much for her fragile ego to cope with, and her whole body had shut down in response.
It was a few seconds before anypony even bothered to go over and attend to her. When one eventually did, it was predictably Filthy who bent down to inspect her barely twitching form. "Is there anywhere around here I can get medical attention for my wife?" He asked, almost reluctantly. Despite everything Spoiled had done, she was still his wife, and therefore his responsibility. For better or for worse, as they say.
"The school nurse's office is nearby. Just go down the corridor, and it's the first door on your left." Miss Cheerilee did her best to appear neutral, but secretly she was hiding the biggest schadenfreude-related smirk ever.
"T-Thank you Miss Cheerilee, and to everypony else..." He turned to the rest of the class to offer a solemn apology, while lifting Spoiled onto his back. "I'm so very sorry about the way my wife has acted... well, since you've known her, I suppose. I really have been far too lenient with her in terms of her attitude until now, but that stops here. Starting tomorrow, she's going to get a proper job with my company or somewhere else so that she can actually earn the bits it takes to fund her extravagant lifestyle, like these two brilliant, independent mares here. I'll make her appreciate the meaning of a hard day's work, if it's the last thing I do. Sorry that I had to cut short my presentation, but I hope to see the rest of you down at Barnyard Bargains soon, where I'll be offering free sodas for all members of this class to make up for the unfortunate events here today. Well, goodbye... Diamond, are you coming?"
"I suppose I better tag along, she is my mother after all..." Diamond Tiara sighed in defeat, though secretly she couldn't wait to see the look on Spoiled's face after she regained consciousness and heard the big news. "It was great to meet you, Lofty and Holiday. And thank you for helping my father realise something I've been trying to tell him now for about a year. I'll try to return for recess... Crusaders, Silv, see ya."
After the three Rich family members departed, it was up to Cheerilee to keep the proceedings rolling, as difficult as it seemed after everything that had happened. "E-Erm so without further ado, here are Scootaloo's aunts-slash-mothers! You already know what their jobs are, but let's see if they can tell us a bit more about themselves. So Holiday, Lofty and Scootaloo, don't keep us in suspense any longer... come on down!"
The trio of them did as the teacher requested, but just as Holiday was about to open her mouth, something quite unexpected occurred. The entirety of the class broke into spontaneous applause, and there were even some loud whistles scattered around there somewhere.
"H-Hang on just a minute..." a clearly blushing Holiday stood by her grinning wife, as Scootaloo hugged them both tightly, "We haven't even done anything yet!"
But, unbeknownst to them, they had. It was called 'breaking tyranny'.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle certainly agreed.
"What do you say, Sweetie?" Apple Bloom struggled to hear her own voice above the cacophonous racket. "Best Family Appreciation Day ever?"
"Definitely!!"
Author's Note
I'd like to thank RuinQueenofOblivion for introducing me to the now undisputed canon of Scootaloo's aunts, who I think are simply fabulous. 
My interpretations of their Cutie Marks, jobs and personalities are entirely my own: no doubt if they're introduced in the series (and I sincerely hope they are) everything about them will be different. But until then, we're free to speculate... right? 
