Storm of Feelings

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We were gawking at each other like we would be statutes. Pain encountered hate, hate that was boiling in me for the last thousand years, a hate that has been born because of him. My eyes narrowed, I hissed through the closed teeth like a wild creature. Artemis sighed once he saw my broken horn. He sat down on the nearby chair and hid his face with his hooves.

‘’ It has been a full millennium since our last encounter brother… ‘’

‘’ Do not call me brother! ‘’ I yelled at him and got up on into a sitting position. I pointed at my horn:

’’ Did you already forget… ‘’

‘’ I will never forget it… ‘’ Artemis shivered and his body became incredibly tense. ‘’Oh Corvus you have to believe me! It was not my fault… I was mentally broken… I …‘’

‘’ Do you think that your pathetic excuses will change anything!? You have the blood of countless innocent ponies on your hooves! You have her blood on your hooves! ‘’ A terrible pain spread across my body and I moan loudly.

‘’ Corvus I…. ‘’

‘’ Enough… I do not feel well. ‘’

‘’ So be it then… ‘’ Artemis stood up but he still did not intend to go.  ‘’ Once you will get out of the hospital, I want you to come to my tower. ‘’

‘’ And why would you think I would bother to do it? You have no command over me… ‘’

‘’ I have to talk with you about Luna. This should be reason enough. Get well brother… ‘’

I hissed once more and lie down on my back, while I watched how the door close behind him, leaving me alone with the annoying beeping of the heart monitor.

As fast as possible I ran back to the hospital. Gladly the crowd made space for me after I have been noticed. The hospital was not far away from our apartment yet the way leading to it was nearly always crowded. At the very entrance I nearly bumped into somepony. A bit dizzy I noticed that it was Artemis. He looked at the small casket and if I was not wrong he even sniffed two times.

‘’ I suggest you hurry… he really need his flasks. ‘’

He did not say good bye, he simply passed me by. Without hesitating I ran to the third floor, avoiding the staff, patients, beds and everything that was in the way. The door that leads into his room was open but besides him there was nopony. During my rather short absent his appearance changed dramatically. Eyes red, the iris of his left eye wide open, blood was running down his chin, the veins were visible through his black fur.

The sight was simply grotesque because it looked like worms were moving under his skin. The heart was beating with high intensity; the breath was not natural either. I could not watch his painful face expression. Corvus was able to endure many things without showing it; the pain he was feeling now must be terrible. Once he saw me he tried to hide what I’ve already seen, with a very bad result.

‘’ If only the post office back in Equestria would be as fast as you… ‘’ He did not end because he started to cough heavily. Right away I came closer to him and touched his cheek gently with my nose, but he grabbed the casket with his magic and look away from me. I realized that he probably still could smell Artemis…

‘’ You are aware what will be happening now? ‘’ He asked and look back to me. I always liked his nut brown eyes, even if I knew that one of them was an illusion. Behind the serious mask I could see pain maybe even anger, but they were merely shadows of greater feelings. His ears went down and he placed his hoof on mine, pulling it on his chest so I could feel his heart beat. I smiled at him what actually made him smile back; sadly the smile vanished once he looked at his casket.

‘’ Yes… I did not forget the last time… ‘’

‘’ I will repeat the same words I told you back then. Regardless how much I will scream, regardless the sounds that will fill the air… by goodness sake do not enter the room… ‘’

‘’ I will shroud your room with a spell… nopony will hear anything… ‘’

< Besides me…>

‘’ So be it… I am sorry but there is no other way. ‘’

We looked at each other for a longer time, till his coughing cut through our silence and the beeping of the heart monitor.

‘’ I will not delay it any longer Luna. The pain is too much for me… Please leave the room. ‘’ He kissed my hoof and let it go, while he was opening his casket with magic. I was trying to say something but after he looked at me again I honor his wish. I left the room, touched the door with my horn and casted the spell. I could hear how he removed the cork of the flask…

‘’ I am such an idiot… ‘’ He took a deep breath and drank the content of the flask. Corvus let out a disgusted sound, followed by something I could not really identify. For the next five minutes nothing at all happened, only the beeping was noticeable. Till something that reminded me of breaking wood filled the air. He started to gargle loudly, the beeping of the monitor changed rapidly, mixing up with the sounds that made me shiver inside.

Corvus was trying to hold it out as long as possible; I always wondered where he took the strength to do something like that. Soon the gargle has been replaced by painful cries, that were being dampen by his closed teeth but eventually he gave up and started to yell out of pain. A tear ran down my cheek once I heard that, unable to help him. Oh how I wished to go there and simply pull him closer to me… but he would not allow it. A nurse ran towards the room, quickly I wiped the tear away and open my wings.

‘’ You can’t enter this room good mare. ‘’

‘’ Something bad is going on with the patient! The monitors… ‘’

‘’ I am aware of what is happening inside… but both of us won’t be able to help him now… ‘’

‘’ But… ‘’

‘’ There is no but sister. The only thing we can do is to hope for the best… ‘’

< I ran as fast as possible. Sweat was running down my entire body, mixing up with the dirt and old blood that was ruffling my fur. The smell of smoke and burned flesh filled the air with its heavy stain, what nearly made me puke. My heart was in conflict with my mind, which was already aware of what I would see soon. Finally after a time that could have been a full millennium I arrived…

I could not let out a sound of my throat; my ears went down, the body tensed to its limits and I hardly stopped my tears. There where should be a beautiful village I saw huge piles of ashes, pieces of once solid wooden bars went out of them like bones out of a forgotten sand grave. I moved forward though I was afraid of what I might find. The very old oak has been spared by the fire, I came closer to it and saw the old scribbling on the harsh bark; it has been created by magic without harming the tree.

S + C

It was surrounded by a heart. A strong wind came from the east; my ruined mane embraced it and has been ruffled even more. Something strange caught my attention; I looked up and let out terrified sound. On the very strong branches of the oak small fillies and foals have been hanged. Their eyes open wide, while they swollen tongues came out of their mouths. I fell on my butt and crawled away from the tree, without holding it back I puked once I saw that some of them have been hanged upside down. Left to die a slow death, while the blood went completely down into the brain. I stood up not able to look away from the children. As fast as possible I ran away from the oak deeper into the village, only to see more grotesque images…

The faces of ponies I once knew were looking at me; all of them have been placed on a pin, while their headless bodies were left on the ground. Everything was red of their blood; the stain of rotting meat hit my face nearly instantly. Not far away I saw bodies of mares all of them showing signs of cuts and kicks. You do not have to be genius to know what the raiders have done to them, before they finished them off.

Unable to understand how a pony could be capable of such cruelty I moved on, trying to avoid stomping on the bodies. I found no survivors and with each passing minute my hope was fading away, with the wind that was constantly switching its direction. Then I saw her…

I yelled out of pain in my heart and ran towards a light blue silhouette. Once I arrived I saw what they have done to her. She has been raped, tortured and left to die and like others she did not have her horn. I fell on my knees, levitated her with my magic right into my arms and pulled her close to my chest. Unable to cry I started my silent lament, swaying the body of my beloved Sagitta.

‘’ Co.. Corvus? Is that you? ‘’ I nearly let her fall on the ground.

‘’ By everything that is holy! ‘’

‘’ I was waiting for you… ‘’ She started to cry and with her remaining strength in her body she hugged me.

‘’ Who… who is responsible for that! ‘’ I yelled at her without noticing it.

‘’ Ponies… from the Riverwatch…  Corvus I am so weak… it is so cold… ‘’

‘’ Hold on! I will take care of you! ‘’ I ripped my leather vest off me and placed it on her back.

‘’ I am so sorry… I did not want to end it like that… ‘’

‘’ No! Don’t do it to me! Fight! YOU HEAR ME!? FIGHT! ‘’

‘’ I love… ‘’ I could feel how she stopped to breath, how the life slip out of her desecrated body. Never in my life had I felt such hatred, such pain… I yelled as I have never yelled before. >

Beep…Beep…Beep…

With a loud gasp I woke up. I lost my orientation, my eyes were moving in all directions trying to find anything I could hold on. The shock faded rather fast and I remember that I was in the hospital. Gladly the only thing that was attached to me was the heart monitor. Nopony was in my room, there was no clock either…

‘’ How long have I been gone… ‘’ I thought and tried to get up. A stinging pain in my chest made me motionless for a while, one of the side effects of the flask. Once it was over the tummy started to rebel like a small child, demanding food in big portion. I pressed the button and called after the sisters. It was impressive how fast a nurse arrived; she actually looked like she was sprinting to get over to me. How nice of her!

‘’ It is a big relief for my heart to see you finally awake Mr. Corvus. ‘’

‘’ Corvus is enough… titles of any kind make my fur crawl. ‘’

‘’ How do you feel? Can I help you with something?’’

‘’ How long was I gone? ‘’

‘’ You were in some sort of coma for nearly four days. ‘’

Four days… shorter than last time. But even if I am rather happy with those news I was worried in the same time. What was Luna doing during this time? I trust her but…

‘’ Artemis… ‘’ I thought and fletched my teeth without noticing it what scared the poor nurse.

‘’ Oh I am sorry… could I get something to eat? I am starving… ‘’

‘’ Of course… but I have to know what I will be able to serve you Corvus. ‘’

‘’ I can be treated normally now good sister. I will be a bit weak for a day maybe two, but I can eat normally. ‘’

‘’ And how about medicine? ‘’

‘’ I do not need any… to be honest I am not sure if it is safe to use it now ‘’

‘’ I understand. I will bring you something to eat. ‘’

With something she probably means the typical hospital food… yuck! While she was on her way out I looked around and noticed that my casket was missing. Deep in my heart I hoped that it was Luna who took it, otherwise it might end in a disaster. After a while the nurse came back but I could smell the food long before she came in.  As expected it was the typical hospital food, I tried not to shiver in front of her once she smiled at me.

Four days have passed since Corvus took that cursed flask. Once he lost his conscious I entered the room and did not leave his side for as long as I could. Gladly any meetings with the senators have been moved, due his current condition but the truth is that it was Lord Solitaire who arranged everything. I was surprised how many ponies were visiting him during his coma. Artemis, the governor with his family, several ponies I did not know and of course Bronze Lute.

But the last pony who visited him was the mare he was carrying out of the fire. We had a small enjoyable conversation that has been suddenly stopped by the stallion that seemed to have a very bad dream. I could not imagine what he was dreaming; I did not dare to search his mind for any clues afraid that I might hurt him. It was not the first time he has been haunted by nightmares… the only thing I could do was to watch over him and listen to his voice.

On the third day my weaken body gave up and I was about to fall asleep but Artemis came by. He persuaded me to go back to my apartment so I might find rest, while he would watch over Corvus. I took the casket with me and was about to leave the room but then I noticed how Artemis was looking at him. Full of pain and sorrow… maybe I was just tired. I left the hospital and went back to my apartment.

I found some sleep through the night though it was not really long. After a while I was on the way to the hospital, trying not to attract attention but it was nearly impossible to do. Without knowing that Corvus was on my side I felt vulnerable and very lonely… Back in Canterlot many guards were calling him Shadow, because he was nearly always following me. Finally I left the streets behind me; once I entered his room I noticed that he was gone. A note was left on the bed; right away I levitated it towards me:

< Wait for me at the apartment.

Corvus >

I left the room and went over to the reception of this station.

‘’ Where is the patient from room 312? ‘’

‘’ Mr. Corvus woke up very early this morning. He ate and left the hospital regardless of our warnings… but we do not have the right to hold our patients here against their will… ‘’

‘’ Thank you. ‘’

Oh Corvus… where have you go?

The last experiment was a success! With big excitement I jotted down several notes in the same time with my levitation spell, while the new mixture was floating in front of me still boiling a bit. My mood was simply great right now; I even started to hum a song till I heard that somepony was knocking on the door, what was odd because most of the time I ordered not to disturb me, while I am down in my laboratories.

‘’ Who’s there? ‘’ I asked a bit annoyed but it faded nearly right away once I saw the pink mixture again.

‘’ It is me Master. ‘’ It was Matilda who answered with a rather scared tone.

‘’ What is it Matilda? Why are you disturbing me? ‘’

‘’ Master Artemis… he is here. ‘’

I nearly let the phial fall on the ground; luckily I regained my balance as fast as it has disappeared.

‘’ Where is he now? ‘’

‘’ You can guess two times… ‘’

My heart started to beat unnaturally fast once I heard the voice of my brother. I closed the phial with a cork and placed it into a secure place among other mixtures and flasks.  I checked my attire and open the door with my magic, removing the spell that was protecting it from being open violently… though I was aware that Corvus could easily break through it.

He looked terrible.

The side effect of his flask was still nagging on his body; the usually pure black fur lost its shine and color making him look like an old pony. Corvus smelled like he did not take a bath for at least two weeks… by Celestia I could not stand that odor! I casted a spell on him that removed the unwelcomed smell, his body tensed a bit but he recognized the true nature behind the spell and do nothing to stop it.

‘’ I did not come here to be treated like an old stallion in a rest home. ‘’

‘’ I am aware of that… I’m glad that you actually listened to me. ‘’

Corvus entered the room and close the door behind him, surprisingly not with his magic.  With an unexpected kindness he thanked the maiden for leading him down here, before the door shut behind him. My brother looked around my rather small laboratory, my private sanctuary of controlled chaos and a place where I could research for days! Corvus seemed to be disgusted by the sight of things I was keeping down here, on each shelf on each free space. A creepy grin appeared on his face that made me shiver inside.

‘’ What is so funny brother? ‘’ I did use the word brother as a small repayment for his *amusement* on my personal stock. He did not react aggressive as he did back in the hospital what was a big relief for me.

‘’ Sometimes I am wondering if it would be possible to study magic, without all those disgusting things. ‘’ He did answer that while looking at small deformed embryos and other things that I will not describe.

‘’ The true deep magic demands wisdom and countless research. ‘’ I moved towards a sarcophagus that was not far away from me. With my magic I removed the coat that was hiding what was within. A corpse of a dead mare, which was surrounded by special ice blocks that were keeping the body intact.

‘’ Is it disgusting you? Do you think medicine could expand without it? ‘’ Corvus looked at the mare then he switched back to me. ‘’ To be honest it is a matter of *taste* as a matter of getting used to it.’’

‘’ Artemis… let’s stop this nonsense. Leave Luna alone. ‘’

‘’ I will not delay this anymore then… ‘’ I put the coat back at its place and turn around to him. ‘’ I know Luna longer than you Corvus… the distance between us was a big burden for both of us. I will not recall the history you already know. Once she came back to my life my feelings for her has been resourced, like a phoenix that is reborn out of ashes. I will not lie to you. I am about to offer her a marriage, a offer that has been destroyed by the Black Death. Corvus I ask you to depart, I ask you to disappear out of her life… it would be the best if you would do it quietly, without saying good bye. ‘’

‘’ Wizards are known for their secrets Artemis. What is leading you, besides the unexpected honesty that is so rare among your kind? Why are you telling me all of this? ‘’ His tone changed slightly but noticeable.

‘’I do not take a decline into the account. ‘’

‘’ Oh really? Listen carefully to what I will say now. I spit on any offer you might give me. I only wish that you will not stand between Luna and me. You had enough chances to offer the marriage long before the Black Death while she was still with you. Luna is with me now… I will not make it easier for you Artemis. ‘’

‘’ You do not have the right to refuse… not you. ‘’

‘’ What do you take me for? ‘’

‘’ You are a fleeting affair, instantaneous fascination, a small adventure. She was in time of need while you came out of the shadows Corvus. ‘’

‘’ You did not understand the question… ‘’ He said and shook slightly with his head.

‘’ Oh I did! I mentioned her feelings intentionally to you; because you are Lesser One… you are not able to have feelings Corvus! You would not follow my wish because you think you care for her. That what you actually feel are projections of her emotions, her interest towards you! Buck! Corvus you are a mutant! I do not tell it to humiliate you… I just tell the truth. Your transformation took you any chance of having feelings! What you take as feelings is in fact cellular memory… if you know what I mean. ’’

‘’ Oh imagine that I do know what it means. ‘’

‘’ Good. ‘’ I took a deep breath and continued my speech.

‘’ I ask for something that I can only ask a Lesser One, not a normal pony. I am honest with a Lesser One because I could not allow such honesty with a normal pony. I want give Luna stabilization, understanding, love, safety and… children. Tell me Corvus; do you think you are able to give her that? No, no you can’t. Those words are meaningless for you. You are like a small child that is enjoying the sympathy it receives; you are like a wild cat that has found somepony that is not afraid to pat it. As you can see you do not have the right to refuse… while I am asking kindly. ‘’

‘’ I have the same right to decline as you have to ask Artemis. With that we are back at the start. And the point is; Luna does not care for my heritage and its results. She is still with me. You want to ask her to marry you? It is your right Artemis. You keep asking because you are afraid that my presence might affect her choice. Oh well that is my right Artemis. ‘’

‘’ Listen… ‘’

‘’ NO YOU LISTEN! She was once with you… but what makes you think that you were not a fleeting affair, instantaneous fascination, a small adventure to her hmm? ‘’

I did not move at all. I did not react as others would react. Yet his argument was an aimed shot what was confirmed by the longer silence. During that time though I prepared a bit.

‘’ You play with words brother. With those words you want to replace the feelings of a normal pony, feelings you do not have. Those words do not express feelings… they are only sounds, like a sound of hallow vase that has been hit. You are hallow as that item Corvus; you do not have the right… ‘’

‘’ Stop! ‘’ He interrupted me sharp, very sharp. ‘’ Stop denying my rights Artemis! I have enough of it! I already told you… our rights are equal. Buck! My rights are even above yours.

‘’ Oh and what makes you think so? ‘’ I did not expect those words… I am sure I became a bit pale because I could see it in his eyes that he was enjoying it.

‘’ What makes me think so? ‘’ Suddenly he trembled. Darn flask of his was taking its tribute on my eyes. A thing I could not watch…

‘’ She is sleeping with me not with you… ‘’

That was a hit below the belt. It took me all my effort to not fletch my teeth at him, he saw that I did not react at his statement what made him feel insecure. There was no other choice than to improvise a bit…

‘’ And you think that this gives you any rights?

‘’ It gives me the right of conclusion. ‘’

‘’ Aha… so be it then! I was sleeping with her last night; this is my conclusion. ‘’ I despite it deeply that I had to lie but there was simply no other choice. The silence was long, very long. Corvus was deeply shocked; I could see that he was desperately looking for words. But he did not find any.

‘’ Artemis what are we doing? We can’t decide for her… this conversation does not have any sense. I am leaving. ‘’

He left the laboratory and closed the door behind him. I was motionless for who knows how long.

‘’ Go to hell Corvus. ‘’ I thought and left the laboratory myself.