Hearth's Warming with Discord
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is owned by Lauren Faust, The Hub, and Hasbro, and Batman: The Animated Series is copyrighted to Bruce Timm and Paul Dini, DC Comics, and Warner Bros. Studios. Nothing is owned by me.
Lately, I’ve been hit with the inspiration of writing Mare-Do-Well versions of classic B:TAS episodes, and so in honor of the Christmas in July season, I’ve decided to start off with this one. Who knows, if this turns out to be a success, I might consider re-writing other episodes of this classic series to MDW. Well anyway, here we go!
Hearth’s Warming with Discord
The city of Manehattan had been hit especially hard with the Hearth’s Warming spirit this year. All throughout the normally-hectic city, ponies were displaying the friendship and goodwill that had long been associated with the holiday season. Even in Dysart Asylum*, the criminally insane ponies were getting in the Hearth’s Warming Spirit, singing carols and decorating the asylum in preparation for Santa Colt’s arrival.
“Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way,” the inmates sang, “Oh what fun it is to ride, in an open sleigh!”
However, one inmate at Dysart wasn’t in the holiday mood at all. Possessing an eastern dragon-shaped body with a grey horse’s head, the right arm of a lion, the left arm and torso of an eagle, the left leg and right antler of a deer, the right leg of a green dragon, the left horn of a goat, a red dragon tail with a tuft of white fur on the end, the left wing of a pegasus and the right wing of a bat on his back, thick white eyebrows and goatee, a single fang, and red and gold eyes, Discord, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, was off singing his own version of the classic Hearth’s Warming carol as the rest of Dysart’s inmates and staff were busy setting up a giant Hearth’s Warming tree in the middle of the asylum.
“Jingle Bells, Mare-Do-Well smells, Draco laid an egg!” sang Discord happily as he took the Hearth’s Warming tree star from another pony and made his way to the top of the tree to put it on. “The Mare-mobile lost a wheel, and Discord got away!”
Discord stopped as he reached the top of the tree: “Ah, yes, the Hearth’s Warming tree: the traditional boring symbol of this holiday. Let’s liven it up a bit with some good old-fashioned chaos!” With that, Discord snapped his eagle talon, causing the tree to be replaced with a giant rocket. The other ponies soon began fleeing as the rocket began blasting off, while Discord, cackling madly, placed the tree star onto his head as the rocket crashed through the roof of the asylum.
“Crashing through the roof, in an open tree,” Discord resumed singing as the rocket took off through the snow-filled sky. “Busting out I go, laughing all the Wheeeee! Hahahaha!” Discord continued laughing madly as the rocket continued taking him away from the asylum- and to his latest plan of chaos and havoc…
Sparkle Mansion, on the mountains overlooking the outskirts of Manehattan, was one of the city’s most famous buildings. Built by one of the city’s founders, the mansion was currently home to the unicorn Twilight Sparkle, the current owner of Twilight Industries, the biggest industrial company in Manehattan, for that matter, one of the biggest industrial companies in Equestria. But what most of Equestria was unaware of, however, was that deep below the mansion’s floors lurked the secret underground lair of Manehattan’s greatest heroine, the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well.
At that moment, Twilight Sparkle, AKA Mare Do-Well, and her adoptive son/partner Spike Dragonfire, AKA Draco the Dragon Wonder were taking a secret elevator down to the aforementioned underground lair while arguing.
“C’mon, Mare-Do-Well, it’s Hearth’s Warming Eve!” complained Draco. “Let’s just sit back and get into the spirit of things!” A purple-scaled baby dragon with green spines wearing a black cape and red short-sleeved bodysuit and yellow boots with a black domino mask covering his black eyes, Draco was annoyed at the prospect of having to miss Hearth’s Warming due to crimefighting.
“You know we can’t afford to relax while Discord’s escaped from Dysart Asylum, Draco,” Mare-Do-Well replied. Wearing a purple bodysuit with blue hoof coverings and a dark-blue cape with a purple collar fastened around her neck by a pendant with an “M” symbol on it, Twilight currently had her trademark dark-blue stocking-mask and purple fedora hat associated with her alter ego off, exposing the unicorn’s violet head and indigo mane with a pink stripe in it and her purple eyes which were currently glaring at her adoptive son.
“And you really think he’s going to make his move on Hearth’s Warming Eve?” Draco replied disbelievingly. “C’mon, even scum spend the holidays with their families.”
“True, but the closest thing Discord has to a family is Pinkie Pie,” responded Mare-Do-Well. “And with her recent escape from Dysart as well, it’s all the more reason for me to be concerned about his movements.”
At this point, Mare-Do-Well and Draco had reached the Mare-mobile, their chief source of transportation throughout Manehattan. “Okay, I’ll make a deal with you,” conceded Draco. “If we go out on patrol, and Manehattan is quiet, with no sign of Discord OR Pinkie Pie, we come back here, have Hearth’s Warming dinner, and watch It’s a Magical Life.”
“You know, I’ve never seen that movie,” admitted Mare-Do-Well as Twilight levitated her facemask over her head, then did the same with her fedora. “I never could get past the title.”
“Is it a deal then?” the dragon asked as the two of them got into the Mare-mobile.
“Deal,” Mare-Do-Well replied. With that, the unicorn telekinetically switched the shift stick from park to drive, causing the Mare-mobile to speed off like a jet towards a hidden exit of the lair, which opened up for the vehicle as it exited the mountain and sped off to Manehattan below.
Out in the streets of Manehattan, ponies were out enjoying the holiday with gusto. While some musician ponies were entertaining passersby by playing Hearth’s Warming carols, some ponies dressed in Santa Colt costumes were busy collecting money for various charities meant to help out homeless ponies throughout Equestria.
Above on the rooftops of Manehattan, Mare-Do-Well and Draco watched as some young colts and fillies were ice-skating on a frozen lake below. “Doesn’t it warm your heart to see everypony in the spirit of Hearth’s Warming?” asked Draco happily. The unicorn, however, gave no reply, only leaping over to the next rooftop to search for any signs of trouble. “Well, bah humbug to you too,” replied the dragon sarcastically, following after his partner.
Draco soon caught up with his mother figure as she perched on another rooftop. “You just can’t believe that for just one night there’s no use for us,” the dragon smirked as Mare-Do-Well only continued staring down at the streets below.
“There!” the unicorn finally said, pointing down below where a brown earth pony with a red mane and tail and crowbar cutie mark was running down after an elderly white unicorn with a grey mane and tail wearing glasses and possessing a present cutie mark levitating a large stack of Hearth’s Warming presents. Mare-Do-Well soon teleported herself down into a nearby alleyway as she watched the unicorn and earth pony pass.
“Hey lady!” the earth pony finally called out. Mare-Do-Well watched as the unicorn turned around to see the younger stallion finally catch up to her. “You dropped this about a block back,” the earth pony explained, handing a present over to the unicorn.
“Oh, thank you so much!” the unicorn exclaimed, levitating the package onto the rest of her presents. “It’s for my grandson.” With that the elderly unicorn kissed the younger stallion, causing the latter to flush with embarrassment. Mare-Do-Well watched this all as Draco finally walked up to her smirking.
“Now can we go home?” the dragon asked sarcastically. Mare-Do-Well only teleported back onto the rooftop in reply as Draco watched silently. “Eponyzer Scrooge has nothing on her,” he commented as he began heading back towards the Mare-mobile.
Soon, even Mare-Do-Well had to admit that there didn’t seem to be any crimes being committed in Manehattan, and so she and Draco had headed back to Sparkle Mansion to enjoy the remainder of their Hearth’s Warming Eve.
Inside the mansion, Twilight and Spike were sitting at the dining room table as Twilight’s servant/confidant Rarity approached. “The Hearth’s Warming meal will be ready shortly, Mistress Twilight,” the white unicorn announced. “In the meantime, might I suggest you follow Master Spike’s earlier suggestion and watch It’s a Magical Life?”
“You know, I really think we should have done one more sweep of the city,” Twilight said concerned.
“C’mon, Twi, It’s a Magical Life’s a great movie, you’re going to enjoy it!” replied Spike nonchalantly as the dragon got up from his seat and headed toward the sitting room.
“It’s not relentlessly cheerful, is it?” Twilight asked apprehensively as she followed her adoptive son, sitting down in front of the television.
“No, it’s about one mare and how she made a difference in her entire town,” explained Spike as he smirked at Twilight. “Sound familiar?” With that, Spike turned on the TV, revealing an image of a Heath’s Warming tree with presents underneath it as a shadowy draconic figure stood by the fireplace in the background. “Hmm…wrong channel,” Spike said as he attempted to change the channel. “Some kind of Hearth’s Warming special.” However, as the baby dragon continued flipping through the channels, the image on the TV remained the same. “It’s on every channel!”
Finally, the draconic figure on the television began speaking: “Mares and Gentlestallions: I’m sorry to announce that It’s a Magical Life will not be shown this year. In its place, however, is the following…” At this point, the figure finally emerged from the shadows, revealing himself as Discord “…Me! Discord, here, folks!” the draconequus smirked happily. “Wishing a happy Hearth’s Warming to all Manehattan! And a very happy Hearth’s Warming to you, Mare-Do-Well!” Discord finished as he began laughing wickedly as Twilight and Spike watched the television stunned.
In the streets of Manehattan, ponies began fleeing in panic as a giant tank bearing a chimney with a mechanical Santa Colt inside it began steamrolling through the streets as a perky female voice began announcing.
“Live from Manehattan!” the voice announced, “It’s the show that nopony wants to see, but everypony will be forced to watch anyway: It’s Hearth’s Warming with Discord!” With that, the mechanical Santa Colt suddenly took off from the tank like a rocket, exploding in the sky in a fireworks display made to look like Discord’s face.
The camera soon cut inside a studio, where a pink earth pony with a poofy pink mane and tail, blue eyes and a cutie mark of three balloons was at a music stand speaking into a microphone as she wore headphones. This was Pinkie Pie, Discord’s marefriend and chief henchpony**.
“And now let’s welcome our host,” continued Pinkie Pie “the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, and my Cupcake, Discord!” With that, Discord rode into the studio on a toy sled being “pulled” by a toy rocking horse with antlers attached to it, wearing a Santa Colt hat on his head.
He soon leapt off the sleigh as Pinkie finished announcing him. “Thank you, Pinkie, and greetings from Manehattan! Welcome to the first annual Hearth’s Warming with Discord!” Pinkie soon pressed a knob on the sound effects controls, causing applause to erupt through the studio as Discord bowed before it. “Thank you, thank you very much!” the draconequus replied humbly as he bowed before the “audience,” actually cardboard cutouts of Mare-Do-Well and Draco, as well as several over important Manehattan citizens. “Have I got a show for you tonight!” Discord continued, tossing off his hat onto a nearby Hearth’s Warming tree, causing it to fall over. “It’s loaded full of surprises and mystery guests and good old Hearth’s Warming jeer!” Discord finished as Pinkie pressed another knob, causing the “audience” to erupt in laughter.
Inside Mare-Do-Well’s underground lair, the vigilante and Draco, back in their costumes, watched Discord’s broadcast on Mare-Do-Well’s crime computer. “Looks like you were right about Discord, Mare-Do-Well,” commented Draco watching the show. “Any leads?”
“I’ve accessed Manehattan’s electrical mainframe,” explained the unicorn, “and I’m zeroing in on the power surges to pinpoint the location of Discord’s broadcast signal.” Just then, a blinking appeared over a certain area of Manehattan. “There!” Mare-Do-Well announced. “The Manehattan Observatory Tower!” She soon got up from the computer and began heading over to the Mare-mobile.
“I don’t know, Mare-Do-Well,” said Draco apprehensively. “Seems a bit too easy, doesn’t it?”
“It’s never easy with Discord,” Mare-Do-Well replied darkly. As if on cue, Discord soon began speaking on the computer screen of the Mare-mobile’s onboard computer as the two heroes entered it.
“Oh, Mare-Do-Well, I hope you’re watching, ‘cause Pinkie and I’ve got a very special surprise for you!” the draconequus announced as Mare-Do-Well glared at the image of her arch-enemy. “Rumor has it that Hearth’s Warming is supposed to be a time to share with family,” Discord said as Pinkie had the “audience” cheer in response to his comment. “And since I don’t have a family of my own-” continued Discord as Pinkie had the “audience” “aw” in sympathy, “-I decided to steal one!” the draconequus finished as Pinkie once again had the “audience” cheering in reply to Discord’s comment.
“So here they are-” announced Discord as a curtain behind the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony lifted up to reveal three ponies tied up in gift wrapping paper and candy canes shoved into their mouths, “-the Awful Lawful Family! Aren’t they just the cutest family you’ve ever seen?”
Inside the Mare-mobile, Mare-Do-Well and Draco watched in horror at this sight. “It’s never easy with Discord,” Mare-Do-Well repeated. Back on the television, Discord was making his way over to the captives.
“And now, let’s meet the family!” laughed Discord, approaching the first captive, an orange earth pony with a blonde tail and mane in a ponytail and green eyes wearing a Stetson. “First, could it be? Yes, it’s none other than Manehattan’s very own Police Commissioner Applejack!”
Discord soon removed the candy cane gag from Applejack’s mouth, allowing the earth pony Commissioner to begin yelling at the draconequus: “Ya diseased maniac! When Ah get outta here, Ah’ll-”
Before Applejack could continue, Discord stuck the candy cane back in the earth pony’s mouth. “Looks like the Commissioner needs to learn a few manners,” the draconequus commented as he headed over to the next hostage, a sea-green unicorn with a light-green mane and tail with streaks of white in them and golden eyes. “And here’s the next member of the Awful Lawful Family and the only one who’s not actually a cop, Channel 5’s own ace reporter, Lyra Heartstrings!”
“Someone help us, please!” shouted Lyra as Discord removed her own gag. “We’ve been-” Fed up with Lyra’s shouting, Discord soon stuck the candy cane back inside the unicorn’s mouth before heading towards the final captive, a cyan-colored pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane and tail with pink eyes currently wearing a baby bonnet.
“And finally, playing the part of Baby Lawful,” finished Discord, “the least popular cop in town, Detective Rainbow Dash! Cootchie-Cootchie-Coo!” the draconequus laughed, tickling the cop under her chin.
Once Rainbow Dash had the candy cane removed from her mouth, she began yelling at Discord like her boss had done: “Why you little- When I get my hooves on you, I’m gonna- mmph!” Dash choked as Discord shoved the candy cane back into her mouth.
Discord chuckled as he walked away from the hostages. “I bet Mare-Do-Well wishes she had a family just like this one!” the draconequus chuckled. “Personally, I find them all quite boring, so I’ll let her have them- if she manages to make it here by midnight!” Discord continued, gesturing towards a nearby clock currently reading 10:30. “Otherwise, it’s curtains for the Awful Lawful Family!” Discord finished ominously, slashing his throat before erupting into a giant fit of laughter.
Inside the Mare-mobile, Mare-Do-Well and Draco watched all this as they continued heading for the Manehattan Observatory. “Hang tight, we’re almost there,” said Mare-Do-Well as she continued driving.
Just then, the image on the television screen burst into static as Pinkie appeared on it. “Hey, Mare-Do-Well and Dragon Blunder! Long time, no see!” the pink earth pony called. “I’m here to present the two of you with a very special Hearth’s Warming surprise!” The camera soon pulled back to reveal Discord standing next to Pinkie. “Gee, Mister D, it sure was nice of you to give Mare-Do-Well a present.”
“Uh-oh, here it comes,” said Draco nervously as he watched the criminal couple on the screen.
“Of course, Pinkie, I’m just that kind of draconequus!” laughed Discord as the two of them headed over to a miniature model of Manehattan.
“Wow, Cupcake, it’s an exact replica of Manehattan!” exclaimed Pinkie.
“Indeed, love,” chuckled the draconequus. “It has everything- trains, bridges…”
“Bridges?” asked Pinkie. “I just love blowing up bridges!” the pink earth pony shouted.
“Well then,” replied Discord, heading over to a viewscreen bearing his face on it, “let’s go live to Donner and Blitzen at the George Washingpony Bridge!” The draconequus soon adjusted a dial on the viewscreen, revealing a unicorn and earth pony setting up dynamite at the base of the bridge. “Greetings, Donner: How about singing a little tune for the folks at home while you blow up the bridge?” called Discord.
“Sure, Boss,” the unicorn said, setting off the dynamite as he and his companion began singing the same version of the Hearth’s Warming carol Discord had been singing earlier: “Jingle Bells, Mare-Do-Well smells, Draco laid an egg…”
Back at the studio, Discord and Pinkie watched as the bridge blew up from the dynamite blast. “That was a real blast, huh, Mister D?” the earth pony chuckled.
“Oh, Pinkie, the real fun is only just beginning,” Discord replied, smiling at his lover’s naivety. “The 11:30 train will be reaching that bridge any minute now, and when that happens…” Understanding Discord’s meaning, Mare-Do-Well soon turned the Mare-mobile around and headed in the direction of the George Washingpony Bridge.
Inside the studio, Discord and Pinkie’s attention was suddenly caught by Lyra squirming in her wrapping paper bondage. “Oh look, Pinkie,” grinned Discord as the two of them headed over to the tied-up unicorn. “It looks like Miss Heartstrings has something to say.”
“What’s the scoop, reporter?” asked Pinkie as the earth pony ripped the candy cane gag from Lyra’s mouth.
“My marefriend Bon-Bon’s on that train!” Lyra pleaded desperately.
“Your marefriend?” repeated Pinkie. “Well that’s different, right Cupcake?”
“Of course!” agreed Discord. “That means it’ll be even more priceless when it crashes! Hahaha!” Lyra could only shed a tear at Discord’s cruel laughter.
At that moment, however, the Mare-mobile had just caught up with the train. “We’ve gotta stop that train!” Draco shouted. Immediately, Mare-Do-Well opened the hood of the Mare-mobile while setting the vehicle to auto-pilot.
“You uncouple the passenger cars,” the unicorn instructed to her partner. “I’ll get the engineer!” Immediately, Mare-Do-Well leapt onto the train as Draco followed after her.
Once the two heroes had reached the final passenger car before the train itself, Draco dropped down onto the coupling while Mare-Do-Well leapt over onto the train. Turning the coupling wheel, the young dragon was eventually able to uncouple the passenger cars, causing them to separate from the train. Draco soon pulled the emergency brake, causing the cars to coast to a stop. “It’s all up to you now, Mare-Do-Well,” the dragon said as he watched the train continue moving out of sight.
On the top of the train, Mare-Do-Well soon dropped down towards the engine’s window, opening it and startling the brown earth pony engineer. “The bridge is out. Come on!” the unicorn vigilante explained, telekinetically lifting the engineer out of the train and leaping down into the snow below, levitating the engineer with her. The two ponies soon watched as the train drove off the bridge, crashing down into the valley below.
Back at the studio, Discord and Pinkie Pie watched this entire occurrence. “Bah humbug,” said Pinkie disappointed. “I hate Mare-Do-Well and Draco.”
“Well then, let’s get rid of them,” suggested Discord, taking out a remote and pressing the button on it, blowing up the cardboard cutouts of Mare-Do-Well and Draco, as well as the rest of the cardboard “audience.”
“Oh, boy,” said Pinkie excitedly, watching the pieces of cardboard fall around her and Discord. “Let’s build a snowpony!”
“Oh, Pinkie,” laughed Discord. “You never fail to crack this draconequus up!”
Meanwhile, Mare-Do-Well and Draco, having stopped the train, were now back in the Mare-mobile following Discord’s broadcast signal. “Barring any more distractions by Discord, we should be able to reach the source of his broadcast signal at the Manehattan Observatory Tower,” the unicorn explained as she continued driving.
Soon, the Mare-mobile had arrived at the observatory tower. Mare-Do-Well and Draco soon leapt out of the vehicle to discover a giant package with the tag “Do not open ‘til Hearth’s Warming” on it next to the observatory’s giant radar antennae. “What’s that?” asked Draco as the two of them approached the package.
“Careful, Draco,” replied Mare-Do-Well. “I’m sure there’s more to this than meets the eye.” Carefully pulling away at the wrapping telekinetically, the unicorn soon unwrapped the present to reveal a giant jack-in-the-box which soon popped open, revealing a model of Discord’s head, laughing at the pony and dragon.
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Mare-Do-Well,” Discord’s voice came from the jack-in-the-box, “and thank-you for following my dummy signal here. Unfortunately, your hostages are in another castle.”
“What’s your game this time, Discord?” the unicorn asked accusingly, glaring at the draconequus.
“Oh, nothing big,” Discord replied nonchalantly as a camera rose up from the snow behind the two vigilantes and began filming. “Just some good old-fashioned holiday fun and chaos.” The camera soon began transmitting its images to Discord’s viewscreen as the real draconequus turned to the studio camera: “I’m sure all the good ponies at home will enjoy ‘sharing’ this special occasion with us: Mares and Gentlestallions, Colts and Fillies: Live from the Manehattan Observatory, the death of Mare-Do-Well!”
Suddenly, the observatory’s giant telescope turned around and aimed towards a stunned Mare-Do-Well and Draco. The two heroes were barely able to get out of the way as the telescope, now clearly replaced by a cannon with Discord’s usual brand of chaos, began firing at the two of them. The cannon continued firing at them as Discord watched on his viewscreen. “When you care enough to send the very blast!” the draconequus joked as he watched the scene before turning to the camera: “Don’t worry, folks, we’ll be right back after this word from our sponsors…”
When Discord’s special had returned from its commercial, Mare-Do-Well and Draco were still attempting to avoid the cannon’s blasts. “Draco!” ordered the unicorn as the two of them ducked behind a snow mound cover, “Try to get inside the observatory! I’ll draw its fire!” The dragon nodded as he began running towards the observatory entrance as Mare-Do-Well began running in the opposite direction.
The cannon soon began focusing its fire on Mare-Do-Well, who began teleporting out of the blasts’ ranges. One of the blasts hit the leg of the radar antennae, causing it to fall over as the images on Discord’s viewscreen started getting snowy. “Whoops!” chuckled the draconequus a bit embarrassed upon seeing this. “Looks like we’re experiencing some technical difficulties. But don’t worry, folks,” Discord grinned malevolently, “we’re still on the air.”
Suddenly, the cannon focused its attention away from Mare-Do-Well as it began aiming towards Manehattan itself. “Oh no!” gasped Discord overdramatically. “Our cannon seems to be out of control! Manehattan could be in serious danger!” Immediately, the cannon began firing into the city, causing the Manehattan ponies to begin screaming and fleeing in terror.
As the cannon continued firing, Draco made his way into the observatory to find laughing mechanical replicas of Discord guarding the cannon controls. The mechanical draconequui soon began firing at the baby dragon, who ducked between the blasts, causing the Discord replicas to destroy each other.
Finally, one mechanical Discord was left firing at Draco, who ducked behind a nearby pillar as the Discord replica continued firing. The dragon soon pulled out a communicator as he began speaking into it: “Mare-Do-Well: Draco here! I’m kinda in a tough spot here!” Draco shouted out.
Outside the observatory, Mare-Do-Well made her way to the base of the cannon before speaking into the communicator: “Draco: Initiate Operation Cause and Effect.”
“Gotcha!” the dragon replied, tossing a bolo grenade onto the cannon’s control panel. Seconds, later, the cannon and control panel went up in a fantastic explosion, destroying the final Discord replica in the process.
Draco soon made his way out of the observatory to find his partner waiting for him. “Mare-Do-Well?” the dragon asked.
“I’m fine,” the unicorn answered, “but we’re still nowhere closer to finding Discord’s real hideout.”
“What’s our next move?” wondered Draco.
“To be quite honest…I don’t know,” Mare-Do-Well admitted, disappointed in herself.
Minutes later, the Mare-mobile was making its way back through the streets of Manehattan looking for any trace of Discord’s hideout. “Mare-Do-Well, it’s almost midnight!” Draco exclaimed, bringing out a watch. “We’ve got to do something!”
“It’s up to Discord now,” admitted Mare-Do-Well sadly. “Only a miracle can save the hostages.” Just then, the glaring visage of Discord suddenly appeared on the Mare-mobile’s onboard computer screen dressed up like a 20’s gangster.
“Grr, where’s that Mare-Do-Well? And that Draco? Grr, they’re going to spoil my Hearth’s Warming,” said Discord, talking in the appropriate style for the time period he was dressed in. “Grr, what’s the matter, can’t they figure anything out? Time’s up, I’m rubbing everypony out at the stroke of midnight!”
“But Cupcake!” protested Pinkie, dashing into the picture. “We still haven’t opened our last present yet!”
“You’re right!” exclaimed Discord, vanishing his gangster outfit and returning to his normal way of talking. “Let’s not keep Miss Heartstrings waiting,” the draconequus continued as the unicorn henchpony who’d helped blow up the bridge earlier appeared dragging in Lyra towards a gift-wrapped box.
Mare-Do-Well and Draco watched as Discord continued speaking to Pinkie: “Too bad Mare-Do-Well’s such a party pooper, huh, Pinkie?”
“Maybe she doesn’t know how to get here, Mister D,” the pink earth pony suggested.
“Oh, wouldn’t that be a shame, all dressed up and nowhere to go,” Discord chuckled in reply as Lyra began unwrapping the box. “Well, I wonder what Miss Heartstrings’ getting for Heath’s Warming. Oh, the suspense is killing me!”
Finally, Lyra was finished unwrapping the box, opening it up as Discord took the present out of the box. “What’s this?” the draconequus asked. “Could it be? Yes-” Discord exclaimed, taking out a smiling clown pony doll, “-It’s a Rag-Pony Annie doll!”
“And what do Rag-Pony Annie dolls do, Mister D?” asked Pinkie confused.
“Why, I’m glad you asked, Pinkie,” the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony replied, taking the doll and heading over to the model of Manehattan from earlier. “Why you just take it and watch it wreak chaos on Manehattan!” Discord finished, cackling madly as he suddenly began having the doll begin smashing the various model buildings.
Inside the Mare-mobile, Mare-Do-Well and Draco watched all this occur. “I haven’t seen one of those dolls in years,” said Draco, staring at the Rag-Pony Annie doll.
“They don’t make dolls like that anymore,” explained Mare-Do-Well as she began flipping a switch on the onboard computer. “Not since the Laffco toy factory went out of business ten years ago…” A map of Manehattan soon appeared on the computer, revealing the location of the factory’s old holding facilities. “There!” exclaimed the unicorn. “Downtown at 3rd and Mane!” Immediately, the Mare-mobile sped off in that direction. “Hopefully, we’ll be able to make it on time,” Mare-Do-Well said worriedly.
The Mare-mobile soon arrived at the Laffco holding facilities, crashing through the packing truck entrance before coming to a stop in the middle of the factory. Mare-Do-Well and Draco soon leapt out of the vehicle and began looking around for any sign of Discord or his henchponies. “Look sharp, Draco,” Mare-Do-Well instructed.
Little did the two heroes realize that Discord was watching the two of them from the upper rafters behind them. Grinning madly, the draconequus soon turned into a nearby office room with a record player, chuckling ominously as he set a record onto the turntable and began playing it.
Immediately, the “March of the Sugar Pony Fairies” from Trotsky’s Nutcracker Pony Prince began playing over the factory’s loudspeakers as Mare-Do-Well and Draco began turning around, looking for the source of the music. “Where’s that music coming from?” the dragon wondered.
“Good question,” agreed Mare-Do-Well. Back in the office, Discord began laughing madly as he began suddenly began snapping his eagle talon, causing the giant toy pony soldiers behind Mare-Do-Well and Draco to suddenly start moving and thrust their bayonets at the unicorn and dragon. Dodging the thrust, Mare-Do-Well soon leapt onto one of the bayonets and fired a magical blast at its wielder, destroying its head and causing it to fall to the floor with a crash. Draco soon followed up by swinging a rope up onto one of the rafters, swinging into the air as he knocked down the final two soldiers before landing next to his partner.
“Stand ready! There’s more on the way!” Mare-Do-Well exclaimed, pointing her hoof. Toy planes with Discord’s face on them were suddenly emerging from the mouth of a giant clown statue from above and were zeroing in on the two heroes.
“Stand clear, Draco,” instructed Mare-Do-Well as the unicorn levitated a nearby baseball bat over to her, telekinetically swinging it at the planes and smashing some of them. Others soon began flying over to Draco, who, thinking quickly, grabbed a nearby barrel drum and caught the planes in it, causing them to crash in a puff of smoke.
Draco soon headed over to Mare-Do-Well as the unicorn destroyed the last of the planes with the bat. “Batting 1.000, Mare-Do-Well,” the dragon observed grinning.
Suddenly, there came a firing from behind the two heroes as the earth pony and unicorn stallions that had blown up the bridge earlier began firing machine guns at the unicorn and dragon, Pinkie Pie at their side. “Snipers!” exclaimed Mare-Do-Well as the two of them ducked the gunfire.
Mare-Do-Well soon teleported up onto a nearby rafter with stuffed teddy bears on it as Pinkie and the two henchponies headed down to the floor of the factory. The two stallions continued firing as Mare-Do-Well ducked behind the teddy bears. “Where’d she go?” the unicorn henchpony wondered.
Just then, Mare-Do-Well’s cape could be seen moving in front of the teddy bears. “There she is!” exclaimed the earth pony stallion, pointing at the cape.
“Get her!” shouted Pinkie. Immediately, the stallions began firing at the cape, tearing it to shreds. However, just then to the three ponies’ surprise, the cape fell away, revealing one of the teddy bears with three bullet holes in it, falling down onto the three henchponies, trapping them.
“I love you very much,” the teddy bear said as it continued crushing the three henchponies.
“Aw, nuts,” groaned Pinkie as she struggled to free herself from the bear.
Draco soon ran up to Mare-Do-Well as the unicorn re-attached the remains of her cape. “Keep your eyes open for Discord,” Mare-Do-Well instructed.
“I’ll save you the trouble, Mare-Do-Well!” a familiar voice shouted out from behind the heroes as a curtain opened up to reveal Applejack, Lyra, and Rainbow Dash hanging over a vat of acid while Discord stood off to the side, holding a present in his lion paw and placing a pair of scissors near the rope holding the hostages with his eagle talon. “Come and get your Hearth’s Warming present, Mare-Do-Well,” grinned the draconequus, holding out the present towards Mare-Do-Well, “or the kiddies get it!”
“Let them go, Discord,” said Mare-Do-Well, heading over to the draconequus. “It’s me you want.”
“That’s what I just said!” grinned Discord, tossing the present over towards his arch-enemy. “Happy Hearth’s Warming!” The unicorn soon caught the package with her magic and levitated it over to her. “Well go on, open it!” grinned Discord.
“Don’t do it, Mare-Do-Well!” protested Draco.
“Easy, Draco,” replied Mare-Do-Well. “It’s just a present.” The unicorn soon unwrapped the package and opened up the box, revealing a chocolate pie that soon sprung up to smash Mare-Do-Well in the face.
“Hahahahaha!” laughed Discord as Mare-Do-Well wiped the chocolate pie from her face. “I can’t believe you fell for the oldest prank in the book, Mare-Do-Well! Priceless!” the draconequus exclaimed, wiping a tear from his eye.
Glaring at Discord, Mare-Do-Well suddenly leapt at the draconequus, who immediately used the scissors to cut the rope holding Applejack, Lyra, and Rainbow Dash, sending the three ponies falling to the vat of acid below. The unicorn soon teleported herself onto the edge of the vat, then telekinetically grabbed the hostages, levitating them down to safety. “Take care of them, Draco,” Mare-Do-Well instructed towards the dragon as she continued after the retreating Discord.
Discord soon began running up a nearby flight of stairs onto the rafters as Mare-Do-Well followed after him. “Run, run, run as fast as you can!” shouted the draconequus happily. “You can’t catch me, I’m the chaos man!” However, just then, Discord slipped on a roller skate at the top of the steps, causing him to slip and fall to the vat of acid below, only to be grabbed in the nick of time by Mare-Do-Well.
“Curses!” groaned the draconequus. “Hoist by my own chaos!”
“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Discord,” replied Mare-Do-Well, grinning at the draconequus.
“Bah humbug,” groaned Discord.
Later that night, Twilight, Spike, and Rarity were watching the end of It’s a Magical Life. “It was nice of Commissioner Applejack to give Mare-Do-Well that recording of It’s a Magical Life as repayment of saving her tonight, Mistress Twilight,” commented Rarity.
“And it is a magical life,” replied Spike.
“It…has its moments,” admitted Twilight, grinning.
Back in Dysart Asylum, Discord was playing Hearth’s Warming carols on a giant organ he’d conjured out of nowhere, once again singing loudly and off-key.
“DON we now, our GAY apparel!” sang Discord. “Fa-la-la-la-la-la- HAHAHA!” Discord soon continued laughing madly throughout the remainder of the song before giving an annoyed sigh. “Happy Hearth’s Warming,” the draconequus groaned.
*Dysart Asylum is named for Dr. Martin Dysart, the psychiatrist in the Broadway play Equus (Yes, the one where Daniel Radcliffe has a nude scene and blinds some horses).
**Pinkie Pie appears here as Harley Quinn. Yes, I know Harley didn’t exist at this point in the series, but I thought I could get away with some minor differences.
