The Average Day of a Bad Self-Insert

by Alfoals Trottenbauer

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Gore, Anon, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Violence, Death, Alternate Universe
Length: 1036

Ace finds himself in... A normal day..?

After what seemed like infinitely terrible writing and garbage finally catches up to a certain somepony.

Published 2017-10-19 16:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-19 16:20:05 UTC

II - Critic

A library appeared.

"Okay. I'm just going to walk out of here."

Ace tried to trot through the door. It was locked.

He trotted back to a bookshelf. He flipped a page.

"Surviving the Everfree. By Ace Sparks..? I didn't write this."

He flipped through to another page.

"He rolled down the hill, the wound opening and getting covered with dirt." He read to himself.

He couldn't help but cringe.

"Wow. This is... Pretty bad." He said aloud.

"You're pretty bad." An ugly-long haired human face with a neckbeard wearing a fedora said.

"I am the writer, destroyer of different opinions. Die self-insert!"

"In nomine invocatoris!" Ace shouted without his will.

"What was that?" Ace asked.

"No... You've defeated me!"

"Um... What?"

The face exploded.

The door opened.

"Guess I'm out of here."

He trotted outside.

He was in some strange space, stars were visible, there wasn't a horizon, or a ground.

"Where'd the ground go?"

"This is the void. You have to traverse it to find me." Twilight Sparkle's voice echoed.

"I'm not interested, Twilight."

"Then why did the writer ship you with me?"

"Listen, I don't know what you're saying. This is Equestria, not some crazy fantasy."

I - Edge

Ace woke up to horse breath in his face.

"Twilight. Why are you so close to me? And how do I know you?"

"Don't ask. The writing here is pretty bad. Not like I know who's writing it, or when this was a story."

"Please. Get off my bed, and don't talk to me. I don't want to ask why you broke into my home."

She disappeared.

"Ace, I'm dead now."

"What?"

"Convenience, please instantly ship yourself with somepony or something else." She echoed.

Ace got out of bed. He went about his routines.

"Why is this so fast-paced?"

Suddenly, Ace was on a tram. Gordon Freemane was in it.

"Wh-what the hay?"

A sign passed by that said 'Black Forest Research Facility.'

"Why am I here?" He asked.

"This is the one thing the writer's any good at." Sven said as he walked into the train without the tram stopping.

"Who are you?"

"Another bad new OC."

"What's with your coat and mane, you're so edgy. And you're a self insert, oh boy here we go." Sven retorted.

"What are you talking about?"

"I comment on things people can't fix as well as making no content on my own." Sven stated.

The train disappeared.

III - Trash

The ground was back again, but he was in some sort of strange hallway. Ornate plaques lined the walls.

He trotted down to one.

'Trash.'

Next:

'Ohboyherewego.mp4'

He trotted forward.

'This is bad.'

'Kiddo'

'Son'

'Kid'

He was at the end of the hall. The doorway led to a gigantic room with a large statue of a human hand with it's thumb up.

A sign hung above it that said:

"Hall of Feedback"

Another sign below it said 'Followers: 11'.

The second one changed into a two, making '12'.

It then changed to an '8'.

"What is this all for?" Ace asked, directing it toward Twilight, who seemed to be the only thing who is aware of the plot that was apparently real life.

"Well, this is for some kind of ancient computer program." She answered.

The ground disappeared beneath his hooves.

He seemed to be falling, but it looked like the gap was intentional.

The walls were lined with tiles.

Rainbow Dash floated next to him.

"Rainbow Dash? What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm just waiting to fall far enough to the bottom so I can fly real fast."

"So, why're you here? You don't even have wings." She asked.

"Uh, well I kinda tripped in, I guess." He answered.

"Well, good luck with the ground." She said before opening her wings and flying forward at an incredible speed into a clearing going forward into Equestria.

He looked down.

"Aw, buckin-"

He crashed into the ground snout-first, legs extended in all four directions.
The tiles didn't help much, most sticking to him.

IV - Dream

Ace got up from the fall. He trotted forward toward the opening. The tiles he landed on were broken. A detailed imprint of him was pressed into the ground.

He continued to the edge of the opening. There didn't seem to be much of anything holding the structure up.

He used a flight spell, giving him wings in exchange for his magic.

He hesitantly jumped off the ground and spread his temporary wings.

He looked back. A tiny cloud was holding the whole thing up.

He looked down. A mountain was close under him.

Not paying attention, he didn't notice the tree he was about to crash into.

"So this is what it's like to be a pega-"

With a loud crash, he collided with it. The tree splintered and fell off a cliff side, carrying Ace with it.

The tree landed.

"Ow."

He got up again.

"Well, that's a way to get down from there." Ace said to himself, mainly.

"Anticitizen One spotted, preparing verdict." A metrocop said.

"Road apples." Ace muttered.

He galloped away from them, they shot in his direction.

A piece of the cloud-suspended structure fell on the group. After a tone, their radios went off.

"Horseshit detected, administering salt." A mares voice rang.

"Uh... See you, then." Ace said as he trotted off.

He trotted to Canterlot.

"That fast?" Ace asked the air.

"The writer was impatient. He really needs to work on pacing." Twilight's voice said.

"Why are you still following me? Stop. I'm serious." He asked.

"Alright..." She said, disappointed.

With her gone, he trotted into the castle. Princess Celestia happened to be trotting around the corner.

She looked at him, wide-eyed.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"W-well, I uh, was wondering why Equestria is so strange, recently..."

"You see, [Convenient exposition to plot]" She explained.

"What?"

"[Convenient exposition, possible mention of McGuffin]" She repeated.

"Oh, I understand now." Ace lied.

He trotted away awkwardly in the direction of his home.

Once there, he ate, and pretty much fell asleep in front of the table.

Twilight never really left.