Rainbow Won't Stop Dabbing
"Twi, she's doing it again." Applejack muttered angrily to her alicorn friend as they walked down the market street of Ponyville with their friends.
Twilight glanced back and groaned. "How long is this going to go on for? She's been doing that for almost two weeks now." She complained as she shook her head at a certain cyan mare hovering behind them.
"It's is rather annoying, this, what did she call it again?" Rarity asked as she walked slightly further away from Rainbow, trying to make it seem like she wasn't with her.
"I think she called it 'dabbing.'" Fluttershy answered quietly as she hid behind her mane.
"Girls, I think it's time for an intervention." Twilight announced in a whisper, somehow.
"No Twi, the time for an intervention was a week and six days ago." Applejack groaned, wanting this cringeworthy nightmare to be over.
"Oh! I'll head to the castle and set up the banner and chairs!" Pinkie yelled out excitedly in a very quiet voice that was audible to everypony except Dash, somehow, look it's Pinkie you're just gonna have to take my word for it. After the quiet outburst Pinkie disappeared, leaving behind a small cloud of dust and confetti.
"Do you think she was excited to go prepare something or because it was an excuse to get away from Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy asked as she watched the confetti gently float to the ground.
"Doesn't matter, let's just get Rainbow back to the castle before she can make this thing a trend with the foals." Applejack said as she began to pick up the pace, only to freeze as she heard a mare scream.
"Button Mash! What are you doing?"
"I...I dunno mom! I just saw Rainbow Dash doing it and...and...I just can't stop!"
"Sweet Celestia it's spreading!" Twilight cried out in fear as she looked around, foals all over the market were now dabbing uncontrollably.
"Make it stop! Make it stoooopppp!" Scootaloo cried as she tried to force her hooves back to her scooter's handlebars, but she just couldn't stop herself. "It's...so...cringy!"
"We need to get Rainbow to the castle! Now!" Applejack yelled out in a panic.
Twilight nodded and with a flash of her horn, the five mares were in the main hall of the Castle of ~~Merchandising~~ Friendship.
"Why hasn't she said anything yet?" Rarity asked the others as she looked at Rainbow's blank expression as she continued to dab mercilessly. "Her eyes are so...lifeless...Rainbow darling, are you in there?" She asked with worry as she poked the side of her head with her hoof, getting no reaction by another dab.
"Let's just get her to the map room, we can get her out of that trance when we get there." Twilight groaned as she led the way while Fluttershy pushed the lifeless Rainbow along.
Once they reached the map room, they found Pinkie sitting on a fold-out chair under a banner that said "Dabbervention" which resulted in all but Rainbow glaring at the party pony in disgust.
"What? Just because it's an intervention doesn't mean I can't make some horrible puns!" Pinkie giggled before her mane became flat and she pulled out a folded letter. "Now, let's get this started so we can get our friend back."
The rest of the mares took their seats after placing Rainbow in hers. "So, how are we gonna get het outta this trance?" Applejack asked while thinking of what to say.
"I got this." Rarity said with a smirk as she trotted over to Rainbow, grabbed her head on her hooves and shoved their lips together.
"Rarity!" Twilight and Applejack cried out in surprise.
"Hot..." Pinkie and Fluttershy muttered as they blushed slightly.
"Why couldn't ya just slap her or yell at her?!" Applejack yelled uncomfortably as she tried to look away.
Rarity broke the kiss and shrugged. "Well after the past two weeks of having to put up with her nonsense, I might as well enjoy myself, also, it looks like it worked." She giggled as she walked back to her seat, Rainbow blinking and blushing hard.
"Wh...what just happened?" She asked in a daze as she dabbed again.
"Rainbow, this is an intervention." Twilight announced in a serious tone.
"Ahem!" Pinkie nudged Twilight while pointing at the banner.
Twilight sighed. "Sorry, a...Dabbervention." She felt her tongue burn just saying that.
"A...what?" Rainbow asked, tilting her head slightly, and dabbing.
"Look, I'm just gettin right to the point. Dash, you gotta stop dabbing." Applejack stated, still blushing slightly, the image of her friends kissing not leaving her mind. "It ain't healthy, it's downright cringy too! Not to mention you spreading this to the foals."
"Rainbow is spreading something to the foals?" Spike asked as he walked in. "I knew she liked her mates young, but not that young."
"Context Spike, context." Twilight groaned while facehoofing. It was then she realised what was about to happen. "Wait! Spike! You have to leave before it gets you too!"
"Before what gets..." He began but trailed off as he saw Rainbow dab again. "Uh..." He began to feel his arms moving by themselves. "What is this?"
"Oh no! It's infected Spike!" Pinkie cried out as she dashed over and hugged him. "He was so young! So beautiful! He had so much potential to be nothing more than everypony's punching bag for slapstick purposes!"
"Pinkie stop weeping over Spike you'll be crying all day, we can help him and the foals when we figure out a cure." Twilight instructed, teleporting Pinkie back to her seat and Spike to his room, where he was locked in for his own safety. "Now, to the matter at hoof."
"I don't get what's so bad about this." Rainbow said confused as she dabbed more. "I don't have a problem, honest."
Everypony then looked to Applejack. "What?"
"Well?" Twilight asked.
"Well what?"
"Is she lying or telling the truth?" Rarity continued.
"How would I know?" Applejack asked, looking confused.
"You're the element of honesty right?" Fluttershy asked.
"That don't mean I'm some magic lie detector! And our elements haven't meant a darn thing in years and you all know it! Besides, I'm pretty sure it's obvious she does have a problem, we don't need no lie detector to figure that out." Applejack replied in a huff.
"Getting back on track." Twilight began taking in a breath. "Rainbow, why won't you stop dabbing? What makes you feel that you need to dab every second of every day?" She asked gently.
"I...I don't know Twilight. I just have this...compulsive need to...to dab. It's like it's in my brain, my reason for living, my existence is to dab and to dab is to exist!" Before she could rant on with more nonsense, Twilight closed Rainbow's mouth with her magic. Rainbow dabbed again.
"Where did you even learn this? What happened that made you like this?" Twilight asked as she released her hold on Rainbow's snout.
"Well...I was flying around one day when I ran into Discord, I thought he was up to something so I flew down to question him." Dab. "He said something about a thing called the 'enternet' or something, and somepony called 'Jack Pull' or whatever, I can't really remember much of the conversation, or anything of what happened after up until this point." Another dab.
All the mares, except for Rainbow who just dabbed again, took in a breath and groaned. "Well, let's go kick Discord's flank and make him undo this." Twilight muttered as they were teleported to Discord's realm. "Fluttershy, do your thing."
As Fluttershy was about to enter Discord's house, the spirit of chaos himself appeared before them wearing a pink body suit. "Why hello my little ponies! What can Discord do for you today? You've caught me in such a good mood, I've been having so much fun ever since pulling that computer through the mirror portal, oh it's just given me so many ideas!"
All the mares, except for Rainbow who was floating about on some three sided spinning thing dabbing away, glared at the draconequus.
"What? Is it the suit? Yes it's a bit woman like but I've never let gender roles hold me down before, I am perfectly comfortable with my sexuality." He laughed while waving a rainbow flag in his eagle claw. "Wait I haven't triggered any of you have I?
The mares growled and pounced on their target.
One week of mind bleaching latter
Twilight and company sighed in relief as the nightmare was finally over. They had forced Discord to reverse the effects of the dabbing virus and destroyed the device which let him see stuff like that.
"So, now that everything is fixed, can we please talk about how Rarity stuck her tongue down Dash's throat?" Twilight asked looking to her fashionista friend.
"She did what?!" Rainbow gasped out with wide eyes, looking to Rarity with a blush.
"Oh please darling, like you've never had another mare swap spit with you, I've heard rumours that 'Spitfire' is just your captains nickname." Rarity replied with a smirk.
Rainbow's wings flared out and she hid herself behind her hooves. "I feel so violated..."
"Well so did we after the two weeks of your dabbing." Rarity retorted before laying back in her chair and closing her eyes.
"Hey...did you ever let Spike outta his room?" Applejack asked Twilight. "I haven't seen him since he got infected."
All the mares went silent.
"We have to kill Spike." Twilight muttered.
Author's Note
I'm not sorry.
This is just the first of many shitposts to come my friends. Hope y'all are ready~
