Ponyville Declares Independence from Equestria

by Flutterpriest

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1027

Ponyville declares to Celestia that they are now their own sovereign nation. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Ponyville declares to Celestia that they are now their own sovereign nation. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Written for Aragon, comedy master, for his birthday.

Edited by Majin Syeekoh

Published 2017-10-18 15:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-18 15:20:07 UTC

Well, That Was Quick.

Celestia walked into Twilight's Crystal Castle, re-reading the note that was sent to her via green dragon fire. She was baffled. Normally if Twilight wanted to get in touch with her, she would just send a letter. But this time, Twilight asked her to come in person. Pony. Whatever.

Celestia knocked on Twilight's castle doors and walked on inside, as she was accustomed. Her and Twilight's friendly relationship evolved to the point where walking casually into each other's castles wasn't a big deal. However, once she was inside, she stopped, staring at the purple alicorn standing at the top of her grand stairway.

"PRINCESS CELESTIA!" she called in an overdramatic fashion. Celestia had only seen Twilight yell like this once before, and she made it to the mare's room just in time. So this was clearly important. "Ponyville will endure your Tyranny no longer! We declare our independence from the Equestrian State!"

And that's how Ponyville became an independent country.

Silence.

Celestia stared up at Twilight with wide eyes.

"Uh, no you aren't."

And that's how Ponyville became an independent country for seven seconds.

"Awww, Really?" Twilight said with a sigh as she descended the stairs. "I had my own cape and scepter and everything. Like, we planned this."

"Twilight, have you even ran a country before? Governing is really hard."

"Well, no. But I organized a book club before. Ponies came for two weeks. But all they wanted to do was drink wine and talk about stallion dick sizes. They didn't even care about reading The Count of Equi Cristo."

"First, that book is garbage," Celestia said flatly. "This is why you’re still single. Take it from an immortal. You should have tried a smut book. Last time I did that, I accidentally got ponies to make BSDM clubs. But that's not the point. Governing is really hard."

"It can't be that hard," Twilight replied. "Mayor Mare just cries a lot and shows up when new buildings open. I get this feeling she really doesn't like me. I tried sending her new hair dyes as an apology, but she said if I didn't know what I did wrong that it was part of the problem."

Celestia shook her head in disappointment.

"So, were you trying to have Ponyville secede from Equestria to make Mayor Mare happy?"

"Yeah!" Twilight said happily. "Don't you think that's a good plan?"

The Princess of the Sun chuckled under her breath. Oh, how fast some students grow up. One moment, they're gushing to you about boy crushes, the next they're instigating Civil War without realizing the long term consequences. How cute.

"Twilight, let's sit down as I tell you a little story."

Twilight set two cups of tea down on her kitchen table as Celestia cleared her throat.

"Now, Twilight. Did you know that I had to deal with something very similar when I was a much younger princess? When Luna and I were still working together in perfect harmony?"

"No!" Twilight said happily, pulling up a chair for story time.

"Oh yes," Celestia said. "There was a small city at the edge of Equestria to the North, just before the mountains of Yak Yakistan. There was a mayor pony who was extremely disgruntled with her job, because it seemed like the rules that Luna and I would place would overrule how she would like to govern. She wanted to allow polyamory. We did not. She wanted to create an extremely strong army in case the yaks invaded from the north. We wanted them to just trust that we would handle any sort of war acts against them with our own army."

Celestia paused to take a sip from her tea.

"So, then, we placed a new Princess there. And the townspeople loved the new Princess. The Mayor was furious. She began to corrupt the new Princess. And soon, they declared themselves a Free and Independent Empire."

"Wow," Twilight said. "Do you mean, The Crystal Empire?"

"Darn it, Twilight," Celestia chided. "That was the big twist. How could you?"

"Wait, Really?"

"Yeah. Ugh. I mean, I was going to do this big dramatic build up. It was going to be so cool. I would blow your mind! Then you'd get that little face you'd get when I turned your kitty into a potted plant."

"Wait, I never had a kitty," Twilight said.

"Wait, that wasn't you? I swore you... oh right. You were the dragon one. Never mind. Anyway. Yeah. Totally wrecked the story."

The princess sighed before taking another sip of her drink.

"So, so you want to hear the rest of the story or not?"

Twilight nodded sheepishly.

"Okay, so. Right. Crystal Empire. Those dorks. They declared independence. And we entertained them for a while. But soon it became clear that they weren't going to come back. It wasn't like a filly who ran away from home and would come back around dinner time. Somehow they learned how to cook. Er. Fend for themselves. So I did the only rational thing a calm, reasonable leader would do."

"What's that?" Twilight asked.

"Oh! It was really simple. I hired a supernatural stallion and wiped them off the map with fire and fury."

Silence.

"Oh. Right," Twilight muttered. "That did happen."

"So, what have we learned, Twilight?" Celestia said with a wide smile.

"M-make friends with Mayor Mare?"

"Close! Celestia said happily, rising from her chair. "If you declare independence once more time, I'll destroy you and your friends with fire and fury. Every Ponyville home will be reduced to nothing but ash, and we’ll find a new Princess of Friendship. Buuuut, this time I'll let it slide." Celestia rubbed Twilight's left cheek. "Cause you're sooo cute when you’re scared. Now then, I must be off. This tea really was divine and I’m happy we had this lovely talk. Ta-Ta! Till next time, Twilight!"

And with a bright white flash, Celestia teleported out of the room, leaving Twilight alone with two cups of tea.

"Huh," Twilight said quietly. "Well, I guess this means I won’t get those five bits from Mayor Mare now. This sucks."