Chapter One: NERDGASM
(Unedited)
"I don't know why people say a double-edged sword is bad. It's a sword. With two edges."
One fateful day in my home, I was opening mail. I normally leave it alone for weeks on end, but my brother had sent me some Magic the Gathering card over the weekend, and I was eager to see what he had sent me this time. He sent me card from the Hour of Devastation I believe, and I was rifling through them to see what I had gotten. Every time I found something higher than a 2/2 I would scream "LOOT!" at the top of my lungs. I did that a lot whilst shuffling through them. I think I had gone through two hundred or so cards (Yes, there were a fuck ton of duplicates) when I noticed something odd about one of the cards. The card in question was a 4/4 zombie human warrior token, the Proven Combatant’s eternalized form. It was...well I can only describe it as a glowing blue light. The source of the light was indiscernible at first, but upon further inspection it seemed to be radiating from something behind the card. I stared at it in amazement for a full minute before reaching for it. My hand was about an inch away when the card shot up out of the box, and began levitating. The glow behind the card started to intensify till my vision was nothing but blue, and I heard a feminine voice say (Well, more like yell).
“WE SUMMON THY AND THY’S TROOPS TO OUR AID!”
I blacked out shortly afterwards. When I came to, I saw a few Resilient Khenras in their Eternalized forms, as well as other Proven Combatants in their Eternalized forms. At first I panicked, shooting up to my feet when I noticed I too was an Eternalized Proven Combatant. The only difference being that one of my plate metal things was red. ‘I guess that is how the denote rank?’ I think to myself
‘No sir, that is to distinguish you from us.’ A voice said in my head
‘What the deuce?’ I ask again in my mind
‘It seems that whatever brought us to this plane, made us able to communicate telepathically...curious...I would suggest we figure out which plane this is commander.’ A deeper, almost arbiter like voice said
‘Well, that would be a good thing yes...but I don’t think this is any plane like we have encountered before.’ I say
‘Oh? And why would you say that?’ Arbiter voice asks again.
‘Where is our planeswalker?’ I ask smugly
‘Yeah, that's a good question. Where in bloody hell is he? The first voice asks again.
‘First things first, the two of you step forward...I shall name you so I don’t get confused’ I say, and a RK (Resilient Khenra) and PC (Proven combatant) ‘You shall be named Arbiter’ I say to the RK, ‘And you shall be named Locke’ I say to the PC ‘Now we must find out where we are, and who or what brought us here. Gather your men, we have a job to do.’ I say, watching them go do as ordered
“Today is going to be a good day.” I whisper to myself, and I notice my voice has not changed much, it just became more ghostly.
It took them ten minutes to gather the goslings, and then we wandered the forest that we had appeared in. About thirty minutes into the wandering we came upon the edge of the forest, and about a mile away stood a very familiar looking town.
‘We are on Equis...and in Equestria...NERDGASM!’ I yell in my mind
‘The plane of Equis? I have never heard of such a plane.’ Arbiter said
‘Did I not say that this not like any plane ever encountered?’
‘Ha, he got you there Arbiter.’
‘Locke, do you wish to keep your head?’
‘Can you both just not?’
‘Fine, but I do have a question. What is a Nerdgasm?’ Arbiter asks
‘I will tell you when you are older.’ I say ‘Now, shall we go introduce ourselves to the locals?’
'Well, we might as well. Who knows, maybe they're hostile. Locke said
'Why would them being hostile be a good thing? They most likely OUTNUMBER us!'
'He raises a fair point, Locke. We have no way of resurrecting ourselves without our Planeswalker.
I was about to reply, but I was cut off by a Rainbow colored blur taking down Locke
'....ow'
The Eternals swarmed the thing that had tackled him, picking it up, and restraining it. It did not like this, making whining noises. When I got a good first look at it, I had another nerdgasm. It was Rainbow Dash, and she was pissed. Well pissed would have been putting it lightly, her glare put me and the other heavily armed Eternals on edge. She opened her mouth to speak, and I only heard angry horse noises.
"What are you trying to say?" I ask in confusion, only to get a confused look from her accompanied by a confused whinny.
"It seems as though this pegasus cannot understand us...a pity." Arbiter said casually
"Well not all hope is lost, there should be one the can understand us." I say "Keep her detained, and walk twords the town. RKs in back, PCs in front. Stay close, do NOT break formation for any reason. Arbiter, Locke at my sides." I order, and it is done within thirty seconds. 'You guys are really efficient.'
We are Eternals...did you expect us to flounder about like fish out of water?
'Arbiter...did I just hear you be sarcastic?
'Unlike you Locke, I am always serious.'
We were about half way to the town square, when one of the PCs in front got hit by a purple bolt. He staggered a few paces backwards, but didn't fall. "HOLD!" I yell, and they stop "Arbiter, Locke get the pegasus and bring her to the front with me. I will handle it from there."
Author's Note
CLIFFHANGER MUTHFUKA!
I really hoped you enjoyed this chapter, and I shall be here for about an hour after I publish it to talk to you all. If you hated it then go ahead and say so, but I will ask why you hate it...so make sure to
(Insert ripped off Markiplier outro here)
