Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - The Buzzing Host Cafe

Applejack arrived at the Golden Oaks Library and took a seat at one of the cafe tables. She noted that there were two Crystal Harp hosts. One struggled to entertain Bonbon. The earth pony candy mare detailed all her previous conversations with the ponysona so that the disguised changeling could start where the prior one left off. The other Crystal Harp just sat at one booth alone as she furiously drew what looked like a seed or a peach cut in half to Applejack. Next to the latter Harp sat a well-used book called Non-ponies and Where to Find Them.

“May I help you, Applejack?” a human-disguised changeling drone in a Prench maid outfit asked. The drone twirl a lock of curly red hair in her finger for a moment before dropping it in order to straighten out her apron.

‘Where in Tartarus do they get their disguise ideas from?’ the orange farm mare pondered. She decided not to question why someponies had actually ordered changelings to host them in their human forms in bizarre outfits. “Um...Ah am just here for the class,... Thirteen,” the orange farm mare answered, reading the changeling’s ‘nametag’.

Thirteen puffed a lock of hair out of her face and then gave a quick curtsy. “Very well, ma’am,” she said with more annoyance at the offending hair than Applejack. She then skipped to the next customer, which earned her glares from her fellow changelings for some reason the earth pony couldn’t fathom.

Doctor Bodo Stein and ‘Magi’ Clover entered the cafe. Applejack almost got up, but it quickly became apparent that they had come out for a different reason than to talk about the upcoming class. Bodo and Clover took a seat behind a piano and drum set respectively that Applejack knew for sure hadn’t been in the room when she had entered.

“Hello, everyone,” Bodo began. It bothered Applejack that the human changeling never or rarely used ‘everypony’ or other ponyisms. He had fought hard to be proclaimed a pony by the Princess, but yet he refused to assimilate into Equestrian culture. It was a ‘if you are going to live in Equestria, speak Equestrian’ thing for the rural pony. When Applejack had broached the subject with Thomas a few days ago, the philosopher said he understood but didn’t agree.

“The Great and Clever Magi Clover and I will be your be your musical entertainment this morning,” Bodo continued, bringing Applejack out of her thoughts. “News is that the pegasi have scheduled our first snow for tomorrow, and so my first song for you is Snowflake.”

It was a pleasant tune befitting of the cafe atmosphere. Couples that had entered the cafe for a date snuggled closer together to ‘keep each other warm,’ which highlighted the fact that Applejack was the only pony who was sitting alone in the entire cafe.

Fortunately, Applejack was a proud mare. She didn’t-

“Anypony sitting here?” an athletic cyan mare took the seat across from the brooding orange one. Applejack didn’t complain. “I never expected you to be here. Why’d you come?”

“The class,” Applejack stated flatly.

“Oh, me too. I can’t wait until they open that Adventure Guild. They are going to have an academy there that teaches you how to fight monsters in the Everfree. Everypony is already saying how it is going to be like the Wonderbolts but for small towns like Ponyville. How awesome is that?”

Applejack merely nodded. She didn’t know Rainbow Dash all that well. They talked, but mostly about the weather. That shouldn’t be misunderstood as small talk though. Rainbow Dash was the weather captain for all of Ponyville, and Applejack was a farmer in Ponyville who needed to plan around that weather. It was precisely because of the snow storm scheduled for tomorrow that she could come to the class in the first place.

Bodo and Clover finished their first song and they were already getting bits thrown into a tip jar. It wasn’t actually there, so the bit fell all over the place. Fortunately, the Clover puppet could do magic and organize them in a neat pile, which pleased a particular stoic cook. Their next two songs were Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonightand How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)by a human named James Taylor.

“Layin’ on the whole ‘we’re changelings’ a bit thick, aren’t they?” Applejack commented as she fiddled with her hooves nervously.

“Ugh, I hate sappy love songs,” Rainbow complained. “Play some rock'n'roll!”

“No heckling our lovemaker,” a stern but clumsy black-haired waitress dressed like a archetypal swordswoman warned. Her nametag read ‘Seven.’ The drone refused to carry any food to the patrons, claiming that she still didn’t have her ‘human legs’ down yet. She was surprisingly popular among the stallions, which Applejack again could not understand.

“No accounting for taste, am I right?” Rainbow joked. Applejack was not sure if the pegasus was commenting on the music or the stallions but decided not to inquire which. “So why did you want to go to Bodo’s class?”

“To protect my family and the farm.”

“Yeah, you live right next to it. You guys get attacked by timberwolves all the time.”

Applejack nodded. “They can’t build that guild soon enough. We farmers need it. Golden Harvest is even callin’ in her family to see if they can pitch in some bits to support Lo-Costs build one in Lost Stables after seeing the RiDGe system in action.”

“If I were building the guild, I would have finished it in ten days flat.”

“Captain, it takes a full construction team of earth ponies eleven months to build something this big.”

“Call me RD. Calling me Captain makes you sound like one of my weather ponies,” Rainbow corrected. “So are you investing into Lo-Costs like Golden is?”

The farmer frowned. “We’ll see after next harvest.”

“But the whole guild will be finished by then!” The apple harvest came around October, which Rainbow correctly pinpointed as the scheduled completion month for the guild.

“It is what it is,” Applejack defended proudly. “We won’t have the bits until the harvest anyway.”

Rainbow didn’t understand, being a pegasus who moved to Ponyville from Cloudsdale in order to watch over her childhood friend Fluttershy. “So why did Golden invest in an adventure guild if the RiDGe system can only be activated by changelings? There aren’t really that many changelings to go around.”

“Ah had a talk with Roxanna,” Applejack began.

“The pudgy one with all the clothes,” the weathermare interrupted. Applejack nodded in confirmation. “I swear she must have tripped her whole way through Carousel Boutique to end up looking like that.”

Applejack snorted unintentionally at the thought of it. She tugged on the red leaf cloth scarf around her neck. Rarity had made for her as a ‘I am sorry, let us be friends again’ present. “Ah gotta give the human respect though. Her cloths were made by her family.”

“So what did you two talk about,” Rainbow changed subject. She didn’t want to talk about family with a pony who everypony knew had lost some only a few years back to a monster attack.

“Apparently, if the changelin’s get a warm pony welcome here in Ponyville, Roxanna’s friends from down south are going to keep comin’.”

“How many?”

“An army’s worth in total, but in batches at a time each season. The batches will increase as Lo-Costs become more successful, but stop if they start strugglin’. In her words, ‘changelin’s go where the love is’, and they won’t help Lo-Costs if they ain’t gettin’ enough love to feed ‘em.”

“So if we want an army of changelings protecting us, we are going to have to really support Lo-Costs, huh.”

Applejack nodded.

Bodo finished his two James Taylor songs, which got him a clopping applause and more bits from the restaurant-goers. “My next piece comes from a folk song, but was popularized by the human’s best-selling videogame of all time. From where did this marvelous product that would make any profit-seeking entrepreneur’s mouth water come?”

Bodo’s little speech didn’t matter much to ponies as they didn’t know anything about humans; however, the changeling sitting all alone in the Crystal Harp disguise paused from her drawing to listen.

“Well, from Soviet Russia, of course,” Bodo continued. “Tetris Theme A was derived from the Russian folk song Korobeiniki. The videogame was marketed to world as ‘From Russia with Love.’ I would like to say to you to remember where you come from as we remember where this songs come from and to not be so quick to dismiss the ideas from lands far away or from those whom we might have considered our enemies.”

The speech was a bit rambling, but Applejack appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. The song began, and it’s upbeat tune made Rainbow Dash jitter a bit. Even Seven couldn’t look away from Bodo as he played the song. Her fingers mimicked his key presses on the piano.

“I have no idea what a Soviet Russia is, but I think I like this song,” the cyan mare commented.

“Thomas said somethin’ about the Soviets in our talks. He used to fight against them kinda,” Applejack explained to the best of her ability.

“Kinda?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow at the earth pony.

“It was something he called a ‘proxy war’. Don’t ask me what that means. Ah don’t know.”

“Do you think Thomas and Bodo were enemies at some time?”

Applejack rubbed her chin. She wasn’t sure what to say or if she should say anything. The conversation had veered into gossip-territory, and the farmer abhorred gossip. It was an activity for the dishonest with idle hooves, she believed.

“I would rather-”

“Rather what?”

Applejack jumped and tried to scream, but no sound came. She found Bodo sitting next to her with a nonchalant expression.

“But you there, here...bawh?” Rainbow Dash stammered as she indicated the Bodo sitting behind the piano and the one sitting across from her next to her friend. Pianist-Bodo started his next and final song, which he introduced as ‘Don’t Stop Me Now.’ “Are you the real one?”

“I could be,” the philosopher answered. “Or I could be there, there, there, or there.” He indicated all the other seats in the cafe. The two ponies took a nervous glance to find all the other patrons had turned into copies of Bodo, who all gave them a friendly wave.

Applejack attempted another frightful yelp but again Bodo muffled her voice. It only took a little to spook the orange mare, and this was definitely more than a little. The man grinned at her mischievously, revealing two canines. Instincts shot through the farmer as every fiber in her body wanted to get away from the predator; however, he blocked her exit from her booth seat with his body. The thought that Bodo could kill her silently without anyone even knowing entered mind.

“I got you two good, didn’t I?” Bodo said with a laugh.

“Yeah you did! I was at the edge of my seat ready to ugh...clobber you, yeah clobber you,” Rainbow admitted with clearly false bravado.

“That ain’t funny,” Applejack criticized.

“It kinda was,” the weathermare countered.

“Regardless of whether it was funny, it is important to get used to surprises like this as the life of an adventurer is full of similar perils,” Bodo defended. “I assume you two want to attend my class.”

They nodded.

“Hey, you could do so many pranks with that power of yours,” Rainbow stated. “You could literally be anywhere and nopony would even know.”

“That I could,” the philosopher replied with another toothy grin. “But I think Applejack knows better to fear this kind of power than to love it.”

“No way,” the athlete brushed off. “You should totally join me on some pranks. I already have so many ideas.”

“Maybe another time. However, I got a class. See you two soon after I get everything set up.”

The two said their goodbyes. Applejack considered whether or not it was a good idea to go a class with someone so potentially dangerous teaching, but remembered that this same pony had put his life on the line to protect her little sister. Danger wasn’t such a bad thing as long as it wasn’t aimed at other ponies, she figured.

“By the way,” Bodo added as he walked towards the stairs. “Did you enjoy that red delicious this morning before your nap, Rainbow?”

“Uh...Nopony could have- how did you kno- I mean, I don’t know what you are talking about,” the cyan mare stammered.

“We have been noticing some apples missin’ lately,” Applejack commented. “You wouldn’t know anythin’ about that, Rainbow.”

Bodo ascended the stairs as the weathermare gave a tearful confession and a promise to pay back every bit she owes. Rainbow had it in her mind when she took the apples that it was fine because the apples were still on the trees and because she helped out with the weather that made the fruit. It was the logic of a pony who only really got to see a farm after descending from her home in the clouds above all the earth ponies. A part of her still thought it was wrong, so she tried to be sneaky about it.

Equus Bravo - Equestria - Ponyville - East Fields Build Site - Temporary Guild Office

Thomas sat behind a small foldable table where he transitioned from a dog-eared tome on a stand, a notebook, and a typewriter between the two. His gloved hands flew between the three like motions of a maestro. Behind him, Kraghorn slept silently on a cot Autumn had installed during her whole sleeping-phase.

The classical philosopher had decided to borrow the temporary guild office they had built in the eastern fields next to the build site for the future adventurer’s guild. He found the cacophony of jackhammers and larger earth movers preferable to inane randoms songs of the ponyvillians who would constantly seek him out for transformation requests. Bodo and Autumn didn’t mind entertaining the ponies, but he couldn’t do it himself. The closest he had was his closure services where he created artificial personalities to speak for the dead. Even then, he felt like a spectator when among the ponies. While the ponies didn’t think to look for him in the temporary office, some knew well enough to find him but not enough to leave him be.

“So I was saying, I should be the leader of all the changelings,” a changeling drone announced in the chair across from Thomas. “I am number One as you properly named me. I am the eldest of my siblings and seen the most action in the field. I am really the best.”

The philosopher put down his ballpoint pen, losing his train of thought.

“Who are you, miss,” he asked the drone.

“One can’t you see my nametag,” she answered, thrusting out her chest to proudly display her nametag.

“I am sorry, Miss One. I was being imprecise. I meant more of where did you come from and what your life story is. I do remember naming all of you and getting the basic summary from Roxanna; however, I haven’t had a conversation with any of you outside of detailing how you should behave towards the ponies.”

He had no regrets about not having conversations with them. The only reason he even had any intercourse with the changelings was because the implanted imperative to do all he could to conquer Equestria. In fact, the philosopher had only given them numbers for names because he wanted as little to do with other changelings as possible.

He also didn’t like this One changeling at all and wish she had never got assigned to their team by the Queen. He just hated something about her personality he couldn’t place yet.

“I had the privilege of being born in a hive in Cowbelgrade. While it was only a temporary outpost not unlike this room we now find ourselves in, it was constructed excellently and even withoutstood an attack by the enemy bovines. As I said, I was the firstborn among your clutch.”

“My clutch?” Thomas raised the rare eyebrow at the revelation. It was a gesture of unfathomable surprise that only his fellow changelings could interpret as such.

“Pardon me. I did, how did you say, oh yes, ‘the being imprecise’. I meant you as in you three. Chrysalis crafted us from the love she extracted from your quarterly taxes. It is always nice seeing your taxes going towards some good, and there isn’t getting much better than moi. We know you three as lovemakers.”

“Lovemakers?” the professor inquired with a slight vibration in his tone indicating dread.

“If we are allowed to be imprecise, I would say the closest term used by the flesh bags you are having us befriend would be ‘parents.’ My younger siblings and I have been trying to have a conversation with you for weeks. However, I understand you best being made from your collected love and being the most mature changeling out here. That is why you naturally allowed me to be the first one to have a heart-to-heart with you.”

In reality, One had just snuck into the office when noling was looking and basically cornered him behind the desk. The term heart-to-heart might convey the idea of an emotionally-laden conversation, but it meant more to an emotovore like changelings who could layer in small bursts of emotional flavors into their conversations. These ‘flavors’ were lossed on the former human Thomas. The general gist was that they could give a conversation more sincerity. Changelings needed to trust and identify one another and emitting emotional flavors allowed them to do so.

“So you are my child,” Thomas stated.

“Yes and about ten others in our group of fifteen. It was a rather large clutch for three drones like yourselves, but Chrysalis was really impressed with your reports. She wants to support you in your efforts. While I know you won’t be proud, you really should be….”

One kept talking but Thomas had stopped listening after hearing that he had ten children. He had always been single, having decline any relationships either arranged by his parents or otherwise because he knew he couldn’t reciprocate their feelings. The philosopher had long molded the minds of young students as his way of vicariously having children. Now he actually had children, bug ponies as they might be, the man felt something shift inside him. It was a new emotion he didn’t know mixed with an old familiar one. The one he knew was regret.

Thomas now regretted not having talked to the drones who had sought out him as their father. Of the three professors, he spent the most time with ponies who lacked a father figure in their lives. He couldn’t help but think of Apple Bloom and how she had felt when her fellow foals bullied her for not having a father.

The door burst open as another changeling in a human disguise backpedaled as reddish brown mare with a white mane in armor pushed her back at rapier point.

“Boss, I tried to tell her that you weren’t to be bothered by anyling, but she wouldn’t listen. I am sorry for letting someling through-” The drone explained before stopping abruptly upon seeing One sitting there with a smug look on her face. Three, as her name tag indicated, tittered in embarrassment at her double failure to keep Thomas distraction free.

Thomas opened his mouth, then closed it, changed what he was going to say, and then finally spoke. “It is alright Three. It was about time I had a few conversations, and I can see Dame Honest Penny has something she needs to urgently talk to me about.”

“Damn straight I do,” the knight declared. Hanging around Autumn and being far away from her knight comrades had really made the mare much more casual with her language.

“You know you aren’t going to make any friends pointing swords at them, Lady Knight,” he advised.

Penny made a threatening thrust forward causing Three to fall on her butt. Satisfied the knight finally put holstered it. “I am not here to make friends. This changeling was impeding a Royal Knight in performance of her duty. If I need to talk to you, I am going to talk to you. Remember who holds your fate in their hooves.”

“I assure you I haven’t forgotten.”

Thomas’s eyes flared a bit as Slither whispered ways to deal with ‘this little problem’ once and for all. He rubbed his gloved left hand. It soothed the mind parasite but did not silence her completely.

“I recommend not threatening me in front of them,” he urged, indicating the two drones. On one hoof, One looked like she was about to swat a particularly annoying fly. On the other hoof, Three gulped as she contemplated the death sentence of engaging a Royal Knight in combat. “For their sakes.”

“Send them out then. This is just between you and me.”

Thomas took a moment to consider his words again. “I would, but do you really think they would do that now? Anyways, when I said it is about time for me to have some more conversations. That includes having some with these two.”

The two drones remained fixed on the knight’s every movement, but on the inside, they were beaming with joy. To Thomas, he just assumed they had farted or something. Noling had explained emotional flavors to him.

“Lady Knight, I am not naive. I know what you are putting on your tough cop act.

Penny snorted and then shook her head. She walked up to One. When she didn’t vacate the seat, the knight got ‘a bit’ forceful.

Thomas didn’t move. While he knew it was an act, there was a very real possibility that the Royal Knight might take any aggressive action and make that grounds for locking them up. Even without her horn, her training and her armor made her a very real threat to Thomas and the changelings. Fighting her could lead into a loss of confidence with the ponies. Bodo had already informed him of Penny’s reports to both Bitaly and occasionally to the Princess. (It helped to have a person who could hide in plain sight.) Penny had always known that something was up, and the pressure from her colleagues in the Royal Knights affected her.

“What are you writing?” Penny began.

“It is just book — a pamphlet really.”

“Let me see.”

He handed some of the finished pages to her.”

“Horse Sense by Paine?” she questioned with a curious eyebrow.

“It is a pen name. There was a famous writer from my home country by the name of Thomas Paine. We changelings have a custom of taking pen names. It is all part of that disguise culture we have.”

“I didn’t pin you as a changeling who liked wearing disguises.”

“We all wear disguises in our own way, Lady Knight.”

“What is that book then?” she asked, point to the book on the stand. The title read How to Become Wise by Puddinghead. “Isn’t Puddinghead that stupid earth pony who almost killed everypony in Equestria in the Hearth's Warming Eve story?”

“The book is for inspiration. The authorship is that Puddinghead, but pony’s pageant grossly flanderized the Chancellor’s character. Did you know that excerpts from How to Become Wise will be required reading for the foals in Ponyville starting next year? The earth ponies on the school board liked the idea of learning more about where they come from and a complex and arguably heroic earth pony from pre-Equestria.”

Penny snorted again. This was going nowhere, and she had come here for a different issue altogether.

“Who is he?” she questioned, gesturing to the minotaur who somehow slept through not only the sounds of construction outside but also their conversation.

“The boss’s!” One interjected.

Thomas held his hand to silence his fellow drone. “He is Kraghorn and a friend of mine.”

“Where is he from?”

“...Bucktown, if I remember correctly. I might be mistaken.”

“Bucktown is a Cyclopean city on the Minos Peninsula. Cyclops are not well-known for letting hobos live on their streets,” she stated, referring to the minotaur’s rags, unkempt appearance, and gaunt face. A beard could only hide so much. “Are you sure he isn’t from Iona? Your tickets indicated you emigrated out of that small fishing town.”

“He has definitely seen better days. He was quite important when I first met him. Dabbled in politics. Also, I don’t really recall if that is where he is from. We are more of pals who swap stories over cards. I never delved into where he came from.”

“You seemed a lot closer than just pals. I would have guessed he was your lover. You could even said he was enthralled to you.”

‘If you don’t kill her, she is going to kill you or your friends in her foalish pursuit for ‘justice.’ Just let me at her,’ Slither offered.

The two young drones watched from the sidelines ready to pounce the moment Thomas gave the order.

The diamond on Penny’s chestpiece beeped softly and blinked yellow.

“What is that?” Three wondered.

Penny frowned and then clicked her armor. A symbol of a wolf holding a spear appeared before her. After a few moments, the diamond beeped again but flashed green instead.

“One of the other Royal Knights got injured on duty, but he is okay. If anything bad happens to us, all the other Royal Knights know not only who was hurt but will know by whom.”

“What a useful armor you have there. How you are keeping Roxanna off you?”

“That dog should know better than to put her snout where it doesn’t belong. I had to get quite physical to make this clear.”

“...I can imagine.”

Penny’s armor bleeped once again, but this time with a white light. An image of a clock appeared. The knight sighed. “It is time for Bodo’s lecture. Tell me when ‘Kraghorn’ wakes up. I have questions for him too.”

The reddish brown flicked her white mane back and step through One before leaving.

“What do we do about her?” Three asked with a pleading tone.

“We do what we can to keep her away from Kraghorn. We don’t know how much he remembers,” Thomas explained.

“Not that it will do much,” One countered. “News of what happened to Iona and all the other fishing villages on that coast has already reached Bitaly. We will have to come up with an alibi.”

“Suggestions?” the philosopher requested of his two minions… employees… children.

“I think we should continue your farce that you are a detractor from Her Majesty’s great swarm,” Three offered. “It was because the Queen was at your heels when you fled so it was an unfortunate coincidence that Iona burned.”

“And that minotaur was just fleeing the carnage as a refugee,” One added. “Kraghorn came to Equestria for safety and to be with his friend.”

“Sounds like a plan then,” Thomas concluded.

“What do we do about Kraghorn though?”

The philosopher frowned at Three’s question. “We will cross that bridge when he wakes up. Until then, I have a book to write.”

“Um, we should leave then,” Three guessed.

The two drones got up, but Thomas held his hand. “...I wouldn’t mind you staying. I could use some help anyways, and you both have good heads on your shoulders.”

‘Good heads on your shoulders.’ The phrase sent shivers down his fake spine, but he couldn’t place why though.

“See I told you that our lovemaker would see my greatness and welcome me as his confidant,” One boasted to her fellow drone.

Then it dawned on Thomas what had made him dislike One when they began their conversation. It was because he saw himself in her. An arrogant sense of superiority he often saw himself fall into. He had gotten it from his parents and now his children had it too.

‘All hatred of others is also self-hate,’ Slither mused. ‘Hatred has a personal edge. All our insecurities are directed at the self, and seeing others with our own flaws only serves to remind us of them. The only way to overcome hatred is to accept the darkness in us instead of pretending to be righteous knights on a crusade for the ‘good’.’

‘Does that mean to love one’s children is to also love yourself,’ Drafty commented over the telepathic link between Thomas and his thralls.

Thomas sighed and tried to continue writing Horse Sense through the sounds of construction, One and Three chatting him up, and Slither and Drafty philosophizing. Only this classical philosopher could hope to get anything done with that many distractions happening. He wondered if Bodo was having better luck with his lecture.

Author's Note

Sorry for the late chapters. I will be on vacation, so next chapter will also be late.