Three Professors Conquer Equestria

Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - On the Streets

The three professors entered the labyrinthine fishing town of Iona without much trouble. The minotaurs there were used to seeing strange creatures from all over pass through by ship, so even two humans and a dryad were treated like any other group of travelers. They had all reverted to their ‘normal’ forms for the majority of the walk. (‘Normal’ for Autumn Wright was her new dryad form.) On one hand, Bodo had made a habit of transforming into anything that passed through his mind, which meant various famous human musicians and any stranger that caught his eye on the street. Thomas, on the other hand, didn’t change once. He really only felt comfortable in his own, albeit younger, skin.

As they made their way towards the train station, Autumn let some stray minotaur calves smell the flower on her wrist and fed on their appreciation. Apparently, their appreciation was enough to serve as a meal for a changeling. Bodo took requests for transformations from the same calves to get his own meal. Thomas just observed and shared in their feeding from the sidelines.

"This place is shit," Bodo remarked. They all noted how rundown Iona appeared. Dirt and sludge covered the cobblestone streets. The houses along the docks looked like they were about to collapse. Tents lined the edge of town. Many of those tents had goats tied to posts as they were farm animals of those who had sold their farms to the cyclopean mega-farms.

"You can't say that about someone's home," Thomas chastised.

"You know its true," Bodo countered. "What say you, Autumn?"

The dryad spoke volumes by her silence on the subject. "I can't get over the fact that none of the minotaurs wear shirts," she commented, changing the subject. A topless couple passed them.

"Ancient human Minoan culture was similar," the stoic philosopher responded. "If I think about it that way, you get over it. It is just another culture."

"It reminds me of the hot springs and nude beaches we have back in Europe," his colleague added. "You Americans are all very prudish about nudity."

Autumn blushed. "I think we should focus on what we are going to do in Equestria when we get there instead of what is going on here in Iona."

The dryad accountant had filled in the other two on everything she knew about Equus and Equestria in particular.

"You know an awful lot about this place," Bodo commented with obvious suspicion in his voice.

"Um, this place happened to be in a story I read as a child," the accountant lied with a nervous laugh. ‘I don’t want them having the infamous ‘existential crisis’ when I tell them all of this came from a show.’ Autumn reasoned. ‘However, that whole thing with Chrysalis was definitely not PG.’

"It doesn't matter," Thomas interjected. "What we must do is determine how we plan to take over the country completely. What comes to mind immediately is controlling the most military presence in the region. We don't really want a violent conquest, so it would be preferable if the locals welcomed us in as their protectors. We should build up an independent mercenary group in these 'earth pony' villages which are far away from the nation's capital and don't have easy access to their pegasi military bases. Since Equestria lacks a real military and is subject to regular monster attacks, we should start recruiting forces into our paramilitary organization in one of the peripheral villages next to the Everfree. Once we acquire enough power, Equestria will have to practically concede to our demands in order to stay safe. This way we are not directly responsible for any bloodshed and can at least rationalize our actions as being a net positive for our target."

"While I agree that most people think of a military victory when it comes to conquering someone, I would push for a cultural victory," Bodo offered. "Consider the fact that changelings might be seen as enemies just for not being ponies and for how we consume energy through a relationship of love with a non-changeling. I think we should push to get accepted by ponies as one of their own. I don't mean we go in disguises. We need them to be comfortable with changelings for everything we are. We should do this first by lobbying changes to their education system to include information that puts changelings in an objective light. After all, something is far less scary when you know what it is. Second, we should spread a new set of ideals in Equestria through print publications that favor us and limit the traditional powers of their Princess. This way when we put Queen Chrysalis on their throne, we have the backing of the people. A stretch I know, but three years is a stretch."

Dryad smirked. "You both have it wrong. The best way to conquer them is economically. We are humans from a world far more advanced technologically. Think of the inventions we can create not just from our world but based on ideas we have in our literature. Imagine a flying nimbus. The ponies have a spell that allows them to walk on clouds. If we integrate that into a cloud itself and give it a way to propel itself, then we have a vehicle that allows earth ponies and unicorns to commute without relying on the state-owned Pony Express. Once we have our inventions in every household, a monopoly of every key industry, and employees in every major city, Equestria will answer to us, and we can make our demands."

They had a bunch of other ideas like that, but the team agreed to get more information before act out on them. They acknowledge that there were many kinks in the plan, but that is why several other plans just in case not everything worked out. In reality, they were impressed how much they had worked out when the Queen’s mind control compelled them to do all they could to make her whim to conquer Equestria a reality. As a cherry on the top, the three had prepared a completely bizarre plan to imprison the ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia, and it didn’t require them to be successful in any of the other avenues. Still, they had to completely conquer that country, and just toppling Celestia would not be enough.

Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Train Station

Autumn approached the ticket counter of Iona Train Station. She had to bend over in order see into the booth the cashier sat inside.

“I would like to know the price of three one-way tickets to Equestria.”

The minotaur blinked a few times as if not he weren’t sure what he had just heard before deciding to actually calculate the total for the plant person.

“That comes out to be two thousand nine hundred bits, Miss.”

“That is highway robbery! I am better off flying there.”

“Well, you can try, but it is really far.”

“Do you have any maps?”

“I do, but they cost a hundred bits each.”

“Hundred bits? Why are they so darn expensive?”

“I don’t know, Miss. That is a normal price for maps as far as I am concerned. Cartography isn’t exactly easy, and travellers will pay good coin for a good map.”

Autumn sighed and rejoined her companions.

“Well?”

“We need bits. Lots of bits.” They gave her a confused look. “Bits is the local currency. It is another one of those horse puns.”

“Puns: that’s another point for this all being a dream.” Bodo created an illusion of a small dark green chalkboard with several marks on it. There were two columns on it, one for ‘Real’ and the other for ‘Dream’. At this point, ‘Dream’ was winning four-to-one.

“Since we couldn’t decide whether this was real or not, Bodo proposed this scoreboard to settle it for us,” Thomas explained with an every so tiny smirk. “It’s silly, but everything here is.”

“Okay...well, what matters now is that we need at least enough money to get a map, or we won’t be able to get to Equestria. Do either of you have any good ideas?” Thomas raised a hoof. “That doesn’t involve advanced magics none of us know how to do yet.” A hoof quickly went back down.

Autumn sighed. ‘I am in Equus with the two philosophers. Philosophy has to be the most worthless profession in the multi-universe. Well, Autumn, as the only one with any background in business, you have to take charge.’

“I suggest we split up. Look for opportunities to make some bits. We will need one hundred bits for a map and roughly a thousand bits for each ticket to Equestria. We will return here in two hours, reporting our results.”

Thomas nodded and promptly left. The rockstar professor didn’t.

“Why aren’t you going?”

“Well, I figured I practice exercise the oldest profession in history.” With that, Bodo made illusions of a guitar and top hat. After placing the hat on the ground, not that it would actually hold money. “I am going to play music and beg. For my first song: Die Gedanken Sind Frei[English Version]. My father would sing this old folk song to me when I was ein kleines Kind.”

The dryad shook her head before leaving the man. ‘This kind of music is just annoying. Dr. Stein is just useless.’

Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Mayor’s Estate

Dr. Mackey stared at the Mayor’s house without revealing his surprise. As a child, he had joined his mother and father several times as they visited the estates of those in political offices. They were usually mayors of so-and-so or the governor. His parents had taught him the importance of influence, making sure he followed every rule of etiquette and spoke just the right words to get what he wanted. His dislike of their duplicitous games was one the reasons he left his family behind and pursued his own goals. Now that he was in Equus, he would have assumed to be as far away from that lifestyle as possible, but the Queen's curse indicated otherwise.

The Mayor of Iona lived in a salty-encrusted dock house with a modest skipper beside it. If the locals hadn’t insisted that this was indeed the Mayor’s home, Thomas would not have believed it. The philosopher knocked on the door and got a groan as a response. When no one came to the door, he knocked again. If no one came, he was fine with looking elsewhere.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” a well-aged voice muttered from within old shack. The door creaked open to reveal a hunched, black-bearded minotaur former captain. On his head, he wore a bocorne with the emblem of Iona on it - a charging narwhal. ‘For the minotaur seamen of Iona, a matador duels the beasts of the sea. Quite interesting,’ man gathered. He felt overdressed but decided not transform into something more casual. It was already bothersome enough being a completely different species. He was not about to change his dressing habits to fit in with the crowd.

“Hello, Mayor Kraghorn,” Mackey began. “I have come from afar. Perhaps I could interest you in a story over a cup of tea.”

The seasoned politician squinted at the man. “Sure, let me draw the hot water, and we can trade stories, young one.” He could smell the intent to do business a mile away. It was always these indirect folks who brought the best deals, the former captain knew, but they were also the ones who always leveraged their power to take more than they deserved. However, he couldn’t have known the philosopher was actually older than he.

Kraghorn motioned the human into his home, and Thomas obliged. Inside there were several wooden chairs, indicating the Mayor held frequent meetings, most of which consisted of playing cards, in his house. Thomas seated himself at a table and saw that the bearded minotaur had been in the middle of a game resembling solitaire.

A long, straight, and heavy horn lay mounted upon the far wall from the door, ensuring everyone who entered Kraghorn’s home had no option but to see it. The horn couldn’t have been shorter than Autumn’s staff, making it roughly ten feet long. A red cloth was wrapped around its base.

“A beauty, isn’t it?” the mayor called from the kitchen. “We had a legend of a giant narwhal named Big Nelly. I believed in it for my mother had seen the beast long ago. The other fishertaurs of Iona thought I was just crazy to chase an old cow tale. A crew of six and I, all retired, sailed out for a week in search of the legend. We only had a few canned sardines and oranges by the end of the week.

“Everytaur wanted to give up, saying it was just a legend, but I refused to let them stop. I took us out further than any minotaur had sailed before into the high sea. Lo and behold, there she was. I pulled my narwhal hunting cloth and taunted the beautiful beast.

“Nelly charged our ship and smashed right through it before we could even get out of the way. One thing the legends failed to mention is how really big Big Nelly is. She had to be as large as our ship, the monster.

“We all hugged onto the charging narwhal for dear life as falling off meant being stranded in the sea far from where anytaur sailed. I took the beast by the horn and forced my red narwhal-hunting cloth over the horn so that it covered her eyes. This put Nelly into a mindless frenzy that allowed me to steer her by pulling the cloth and tugging her horn. I took her and my clinging crew with Nelly all the way back to Iona where no one could doubt our conquest.”

‘Poor Nelly,’ the philosopher mourned privately. Kraghorn could not tell if his story impressed the man as his face barely ever changed its expression.

The kettle whistled and Kraghorn promptly got up and poured tea. Mackey wafted in the pleasant vapor of the tea as the teabags seeped into the hot water. Once it finished, he took a small sip and allowed a small smile to occupy his face for a noticeable duration.

“So you wanted to share a story, young one?” the Mayor questioned. He had been put off by what he thought was another young person who didn’t believe in his fishertaur tale.

“Good Sir, do you know what nuac cham is?” Mackey asked in reply. Kraghorn shook his head as he put away his cards and served biscuits to go with the tea. “Then I think I have the right story for you.”

Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Fish Market

Autumn Wright covered her nose in distaste. She had never actually gone to a fish market, and after passing the wrong section, the dryad had found herself where the fishmongers discard the unused portions of fish to rot in the sun.

She had had no luck finding anything promising. Sighing to herself, she sat at the end of the dock with her feet dangling off the side. The waves occasionally brushed against her long legs. The roots that acted as talons or toes on her feet shivered as they were not made for salty water, but they sucked in the water anyways.

After a few moments, a cat woman walked up next to her. She would have been completely silent if not for the little bell attached to a familiar bright blue collar around her neck.

‘Where have I seen that collar before?’ Autumn pondered.

The feline ignored the dryad’s curious stare. She removed a basket from her left shoulder and placed it in the water. A wind pulled on the little sail on the top of the basket and pulled it out to sea. After it had traveled a good distance, the cat person took out a rock, doused it in an alcohol, lit it, and slung it with a slingshot at the basket. The little basket caught fire immediately and sunk into the ocean.

“Um…,” Autumn managed to utter.

The feline turned to the dryad, revealing fur cheeks lined in the salt stains from dried tears.

“Traveller, I heard you are going to Equestria. I beseeched you take me with you. I am Nyantsu.”

“Um….”

“You are probably wondering what I can bring for you. I am fast and can fight.”

To demonstrate, Nyantsu quickly released her claws of her right paw while rapidly spinning her a freshly reloaded slingshot.

Autumn mouth became incredibly dry and the air burned in her lungs.

“Oh, I should tell you why I want to go to Equestria,” Nyantsu inferred while outstretching her arms towards the disguised changeling in a pleading manner. “My people have a legend about that nation among nations. It is a place of milk and honey. The ponies there party everyday. Rumor is that they have magic that make people never grow old. I want to go there, but I don’t have the money to get there as the Pony Express charges a claw and a tail to non-ponies for entry into their country.”

The dryad weakly lifted a hand up to the cat woman and then collapsed into her paws.

“Ma’am, what is wrong!”

Autumn couldn’t hear her as she had already fainted.

Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Iona - Train Station

Thomas Mackey and the Mayor walked down to the train station.

“You got to tell me another one of your old war stories, lad,” Kraghorn declared while slapping the yuppie hard on the back.

Mackey didn’t even flinch.

‘He is such a badass,’ the old bearded minotaur concluded. ‘He could probably take a narwhal’s horn straight to the chest and not even cry out in pain.’

“Maybe another time, Mayor,” the philosopher said with a practiced laugh. “I would like to introduce you to one of my colleagues.”

The could hear the philosopher playing the guitar in the distance. The song seemed completely nonsensical to Mackey who preferred orchestral pieces or ballads with straightforward lyrics. The crowd that had formed around Dr. Stein would indicate that they didn’t agree with Mackey’s assessment. Turning to his new friend, the philosopher found the Kraghorn’s eyes glistening in a thousand mile stare.

When the song ended, the single minotaurs in the crowd stomped in approval while the couples kissed. A few tossed out bits towards the hat only to find that it would phase right out the other side of it.

At least they all landed in generally the same place, Thomas mused. The philosopher rubbed his chin, eyeing the happy audience. Kraghorn could literally see a lightbulb turn on above the man’s head.

“My good sir, what would you say to having a little concert for my friend here?”

The Mayor lifted a scarred eyebrow to his fancily dressed acquaintance. “Where would you put it? Are you prepared to pay Iona to use one of their public places? Also,why would I okay that? You would just take those bits and leave. If you looked around, we can’t afford for any more bits to leave this old fishing town.”

These were all very important questions Mackey hadn’t really considered. If only she—

Before the old man could finish his thought, a cat woman ran towards them, making frantic gestures to get their attention.

“Young misters, please, come, come! Your friend is hurting!” she told them, waving them towards her. Bodo dispelled his illusions, abandoning the twenty-seven bits that he had on the ground as tips. Mackey only needed to silently nod at Kraghorn before leaving himself.

“We will talk about this matter again latter,” the Mayor called out. Looking at the coins on the ground, he smirked. Mackey wasn’t the only one with lightbulbs that day.

Equus November - Badlands - New Haven - Arachne the Second’s Chambers

Autumn Wright felt incredibly off. Looking around, she found herself in a dark room with an unseeable ceiling. The complex web-like designs, which resembled constellations, decorated the walls and floor. They depicted heroic figures like buffalo holding large shields and dragons offering treasure. She couldn’t feel her body and found that her limbs had completely disappeared. After a short panic, the accountant willed herself back to her tall dryad form. This time it came to her instantly and didn’t result in any drain on her magical reserves.

“Whom have I found in my web today?” a feminine voice like the strumming of a lyre said from above.

“Who is that?!” Autumn jumped in fright. She turned to look at the ceiling again and could spot a glowing eye. Then there were two eyes—three, four, five, six, seven, eight--eight eyes. With each one, the pseudo-dryad felt herself become more and more sluggish until she couldn’t move.

“Don’t you know it is rude to stare?” the voice said with a laugh.

‘What kind of person laughs at their own jokes? A lonely person, that is,’ Autumn concluded.

“Oh, that burns! It has definitely been a long time since someone other than my children have insulted me thusly. So what are you?”

‘What? She can read minds?’ Autumn thought in shock.

“Brains. I read brains,” the hidden creature corrected with a snicker. “It’s really better that way. Mind reading only lets you see what people are currently thinking. Brain reading allows you see a person’s thoughts before they are even conscious of them and what they have thought and could think. It really is far superior skill.”

There was a shuffling, and a humanoid brown porcelain puppet with a blue Victorian-style dress descended from the ceiling.

“I am Arachne the Second, daughter of Anansi the Wise Trickster and granddaughter of Arachne the Fateweaver,” the doll declared with her right arm pulling at her dress in a curtsy and the other at her abdomen for a bow. Autumn found the entire gesture fascinating and committed it to memory for future use, assuming she got out of this alive. “So who is this creature that has come into my home unannounced. A dryad...no, a changeling...closer, but no...we got memories of being a human here! How delightful! I do miss talking to humans. Also, your memories are mostly of being male, yet your brain chemistry is that of a female. This phenomenon is more common among changelings who naturally disassociate themselves from their birth bodies in order to better disguise themselves. Oh, and what is this...oh that explains everything.”

The doll made a bunch of head nods as if everything was suddenly obvious.

Autumn couldn’t speak anymore since the eight-eyed stare kept her completely paralyzed. So instead, she just thought strongly in Arachne’s general direction. Don’t ask how one does that. It was all in the intent.

‘What is it?’

“You, dear Chrysopeleia, are a Traveller, one who has broken the veil between the dimensions. Since your existence had become endangered in the other Equus, your magical essence drifted and got temporarily caught in my magical dream web.”

‘Am I dying? How did that make me go between dimensions? Why are you calling me ‘Chrysopeleia’?”

“So many questions. Well, you were dying. I can tell you are slowly fading from this reality and returning to your body on that other Equus. As you have heard, though didn’t believe, dreams are windows into different realities. You just happened to fall into my Equus, and I happen to be a dreamweaver capable of catching you. As for calling you ‘Chrysopeleia’, that is because that is simply who you really are. It is your true name. Remember that Amphitrite is your enemy. She almost killed you after all.”

Autumn didn’t know what Chrysopeleia meant and was frankly overwhelmed.

‘Amphitrite?’

“The saltwater….”

‘So when in dryad form, I am kinda allergic to saltwater. Well, huh...I guess I get the strengths and weaknesses of the form I take,’ the former adjunct accounting professor mused a moment before thinking of something else.

‘By the way, why didn’t you just say that instead of using these words I don’t know the meaning of?’ the dryad thought angrily at the creature on the ceiling, causing her doll to flinch. If she were talking, Autumn would have been more diplomatic, but there was no way to restrain her own thoughts. ‘This is what happens when people are shut ins. They start speaking a language no one understands. Honestly, you are even worse than those two dunderheaded philosophers. I bet they haven’t done anything productive while I was gone.’

The puppet shook as many conscious and subconscious thoughts pelting her magical senses. When the mental barrage ended, Arachne spoke sternly. “You insolent fool. You better wise up, Chrysopeleia, before you find yourself underwater again.”

The dryad started to flicker, signalling her time in Arachne’s domain was over. The puppet representing the eight-eyed creature, which Autumn presumed was some kind of giant spider, walked up to accountant and gave her a book that simply apparated from nowhere.

Then Autumn disappeared with the strange tome held in her paralyzed arms. Arachne sighed and went back to being all alone.

‘I really do need some friends. Perhaps, I should call my Queen Chrysalis. She is a lot nicer than Chrysopeleia’s queen.’