The Grand Illusion and Other Short Stories of Pony Wisdom

by Knowledge

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Dark, Alternate Universe, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Chancellor Puddinghead, Adventure
Length: 6367

From high mountain keep to deep ocean deep, learn the wisdom from the ponies of the multiverse. This is a collection of short stories.

From high mountain keep to deep ocean deep, learn the wisdom from the ponies of the multiverse.

This collection of short stories was originally part of my other story Three Bickering Bugs Conquer Equestria before I moved them here. They are all inspired by folk stories I read as a child.

Updates every Sunday with a new short story. Some of these universes will be explored in more depth in their own fictions.

Published 2017-10-21 14:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-13 07:48:21 UTC

The Grand Illusion - Part 1

Equus Zulu - Everfree Forest - Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters - Library

A lavender alicorn stared deep into the light blue crystal heart before her.

“Cadence, you summoned me,” she spoke into the ball before her. The spirit Cadence,who was protected within the crystal, hummed audibly with ancient power to Twilight’s words. The alicorn knew that if the crystal broke, Cadence would be torn apart by the natural magic that permeated all of Equus. It was paramount that she be careful with the delicate artifact. It was little known fact that Twilight’s brother Shining Armor had found Cadence and her crystal hidden in the Southern Desert when fighting an evil earth pony who had turned his body into pure light.

“Princess Twilight, I have indeed,” the spirit Cadence replied. “As you might have noticed, the Harmony plague is spreading faster than we can stop it. It will soon overtake the castle.”

The alicorn Princess of Friendship rubbed a fresh tear from her face. She had grown up in this castle and loved the forest that grew around it. It was where her teacher Princess Celestia had adopted her and given her the education necessary for ascension. The diarchs had given her the Everfree Kingdom to her after their tragic passing. Cadence had told the diarchs of their inevitable demise to the evil spirit Harmony and Twlight’s role as the new leader of ponykind. Everything had been planned in Twilight’s life up to this point.

“What must I do?”

“You must build a new castle on top of Canterlot Mountain. It must not be made with any of our magic as Harmony will tear through it like paper.”

Twilight furrowed her brow. “How will I do that then? There is no way to build any building of that size without magic, especially on top of a mountain.”
“Get Starswirl’s Mirror and summon a being known as Guild Leader Lulamoon from Equus Bravo. She has the necessary tools and workers with the expertise to build such a structure.”

“Equus Bravo?” Twilight asked, her eyes going wide.

“Yes, little one: Equus Bravo. There are many, though not infinite, dimensions that have an Equus. This one is called Equus Zulu, one of the younger ones. They all stem from the mother dimension of Equus Alfa, which no one can enter. Guild Leader Lulamoon comes from an Equus that closely resembled Alfa until three individuals from a non-Equus dimension entered it and steered Equus Bravo from its original path. We will need their pupil Lulamoon to enter ours in order to change our fate.”

It was a lot to take in for Twilight, but she nodded in affirmation anyways. She would ask Cadence about this more after she had built the castle. She adjusted her crown, which she wore to protect herself from malevolent magic, before leaving for Starswirl’s mirror.

Equus Zulu - Everfree Forest - Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters - Courtyard

Guild Leader Lulamoon had come into Twilight’s Equus with little fanfare. There wasn’t much time for a party anyways. The Princess of Friendship was surprised to find Lulamoon was not only an alicorn but resembled somepony she knew: Trixie. The Trixie of Equus Zulu had served under Princess Celestia and Princess Luna as court jester until the blue unicorn had taken out her jealousy towards Twilight. The Diarchs had banished Trixie to the badlands where she presumably would die.
Like the former diarchs, Trixie’s ethereal mane flowed around her like smoke in wind. It would occasionally spread out from her like a morning fog. Twilight had heard rumors of spectacular sights unseen in this world found in this magical fog. The Princess didn’t know what to make of it.

One evening after a particularly productive day of castle construction, Twilight took a walk into the ancient Everfree courtyard. Dozens of exotic birds flew all around her. A strange music emanated from no discernable source and possessed the qualities of both loudness and machismo. During a particularly skillful and empathic guitar solo, the sublime cognitive dissonance of seeing foreign avian species happily chirp along with the music set in.

Once the song ended, Twilight regained some of her senses.

“Welcome, Princess,” a familiar voice greeted. The Princess of Friendship frowned at the way the way the voice had enunciated her title. Turning around, the lavender alicorn found herself face-to-face with a smaller blue alicorn.
Lulamoon laughed heartily.

“I can’t help it if Princess is an insult where I am from. We use it to refer to a person who thinks they deserve more than other people just because of how much magic they have or think that people should listen to their every whim without reservation.”
Twilight grit her teeth.

“And before you retort, Princess,” the blue pony added. “Put yourself in my horseshoes. You take me from my Equus and tell me and my employees to build you a castle. You expect us to do this quickly and without pay. If we don’t succeed, we die to a magical threat you cannot defeat. If we do, all we get is a ticket back and your ‘thanks.’ This is exactly why we don’t like Princesses. You treat people like crap.”

Twilight snorted at this. How could she say this? Doesn’t she realize we are suffering here? She should be jumping at the chance to save her fellow pony when they are in peril, but instead she cries about money and her own personal safety.

“You will finish the castle as quickly as possible and ponies’ lives will be saved because of your help,” Twilight calmly stated in a matter-of-fact way that made Lulamoon roll her eyes. “Anyways, I am not hear to argue with you.”

“What is it that you desire, mistress?”

“I would like to learn how you do - well -this.” Twilight emphasized her meaning by gesturing to the surroundings.

“Illusions?” Lulamoon asked.

The Princess of Friendship nodded.

“Well, there are not something easy to teach.”

“Try me. My talent is magic.”

“That won’t help you, mistress.”

“What do you mean? Also, Guild Leader, stop calling me mistress. You are not a slave.”

“Could have fooled me.” Lulamoon laughed and continued her explanation while Twilight conjured a notepad and paper. “Illusion magic revolves around a person’s understanding of how reality works. Most people only ask the question ‘Why does something look that way?’ They don’t ask the better question ‘Why do I see it that way?’ People think they are learning about reality when they conduct experiments. Instead they are really just learning about how they perceive it. In other words, the world as we know it will always follow the rules that define our perceptions of it. The world independent of our minds and its perceptions of it is forever beyond us.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Which is why you specifically can’t just learn it from reading some textbook or having me explain it to you. In order to learn true illusion magic, you must experience it.”

“Isn’t this all illusion magic right now? Aren’t I experiencing it already?”

“These are but shadows of true illusion magic,” Lulamoon informed Twilight as little birds flocked to them and landed all over their bodies. Twilight could feel their talons sink into her fur in order to get a better perch. If she hadn’t know they were not native to the Everfree, the Princess would have thought them real.”

“Then show me this ‘true illusion magic.’”

“I would, Princess, but you would have to remove your crown.”
Twilight paled at the implication. Her crown was her only defense against malevolent magic. If she removed it, the blue alicorn could incapacitate her. However, Lulamoon would be stuck on Equus Zulu until Harmony came and turned her to stone had she done that.

“Let me get back to you on that,” Twilight replied before briskly trotting into the old castle. She swore one of the birds pooped on her but couldn’t find any sign of it.

Equus Zulu - Everfree Forest - Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters - Map Room

Twilight explained to her five advisors what had transpired between her and the Guild Leader. Each had given her words of caution in their own way. For instance, Pinkamena Diane Pie had warned her of the kind of surprises ponies like Lulamoon would hide in words wrapped like gifts.
The Princess sighed. Her heart fought against her mind. Eventually, her thirst for knowledge won out.

“Bring Guild Leader Lulamoon and tell her I want to learn true illusion magic, Flash,” she ordered the guard at the door. The five mares all gasped as Twilight had never disregarded advice so blatantly before.
In only a few minutes, the illusionist entered the map room. The opulently dressed Twilight stood over the smaller and casually naked alicorn. Looking down upon the common pony, the Princess dictated her wish.

“Then, of course, you know you must remove your crown,” Lulamoon replied with a surprising amount of sweetness.
Twilight smiled and ever so softly removed her crown. ‘Now, I get to learn this amazing new magic.’
There was a flash of light for a moment. Twilight felt her crown get knocked out of her hooves. The Guild Leader let out a chortle which then morphed into a clearly evil cackle. As her eyes cleared, she found Lulamoon growing before her. Soon she was eye-level, and the next moment she stood over her. Finally, Lulamoon was standing with her back against the castle ceiling. Twilight tried to use her magic, but it was useless against the giant, powerful alicorn.
‘Where had Lulamoon been hiding all this power?’ the Princess wondered.

“You fool!” the blue alicorn proclaimed. “Without your crown, you are powerless against me. I could make you suffer for all eternity! Make you forget everything you know and turn you into my slave. However, I have a better idea for you.”

Twilight shook in fear as her magic continued to fail her. Lulamoon picked her up in one of her hooves while shoving Twilight’s advisors against the wall with the other. After pulling Twilight behind her head, Lulamoon then pitched the Princess out the castle window and into the sky. A sparkle appeared in the sky once Twilight had flown so far as to be seen anymore from the castle.

The Grand Illusion - Part 2

Earth Zulu - Somewhere

Twilight flew through the sky for what felt like forever. At first, she screamed, but soon it just became boring. Tossing and flailing became monotone spinning around and around. The Princess of Friendship found it odd that she couldn't feel her wings, but she could figure that out when she landed - if she landed.

In a few hours land she did and hot. It was like a meteor, not a princess, was falling out of the sky. A fiery red aura surrounded the pony as she descended from the atmosphere and crashed into a desert. Twilight continued smashing through sand, leaving glass behind, for several yards before coming to a complete stop.

When she weakly arose, she found her dress completely destroyed, and her wings gone. Worse, her magic wouldn't cooperate anymore. Her voice was too hoarse to scream, so Twilight settled on a gesturing in a panicked manner.

'I look like a unicorn again! Why can't I use magic? What happened?! How am I not dead? Did I instinctively use up all my alicornhood to protect myself? I didn't know that was possible. Is that possible?' the lavender pony wanted to say.

Twilight wandered the desert once she calmed down. It took her two weeks to find a town, surviving on cactus juice and the occasional grass next to an oasis.

In the town, she found that she had flown clear across the sea into Zebrica. Nozebra knew who Twilight was or believed that she was actually a princess. Heck, even Twilight wouldn't believe she was a princess at that point given she didn't have wings anymore.

So she begged. Twilight sat in the streets of that sandy desert town for months, trying to get enough bits just for good food, much less a ride home.

Eventually, the King of the land saw the state of his Kingdom and frowned upon all the beggars.

"They are making us look too poor to feed our people to our neighbors to the north," the King said. "Begging shall be illegal. All those who cannot afford to live on their own four hooves shall be sent to the dungeons."

As a result, the then magical-less unicorn with no marketable skills found her in chains deep in dungeons of a foreign land. There she spent two years in grim and grime. The food was bad, the water worse. Many of the other prisoners just died, two of which she had befriended. Twilight stopped making friends after that. You would too if it meant losing another friend.

After two years, the King looked upon his dungeon and found that it was getting too full and too expensive. Since his kingdom lacked straightforward capital punishment, the ruler had to get creative.

"The prisoners are not dying fast enough. Tie them up and leave them in the forest," the King ordered, and so Twilight found herself tied up and left to die in the woods. They had blindfolded her as well in order to make sure she couldn't easily find her way back and start begging again.

For what must have been the hundredth time since the pony had removed her crown in front of Guild Leader Lulamoon, Twilight watched her life pay out again in her mind. It was like watching marathoning all the episodes of her life over and over again.

When she finished her reminiscing, some slavers found her. They had gotten a tip off from a sleazy guard that the King had abandoned his prisoners in the forest. Twilight, tied up and without her magic, was just easy prey.

The slavers caged her and took her all the way to the port city at the northern edge of Zebrica. Along the way, they barely fed the pony, and she became even more emaciated that she had been in prison or on the streets begging. They sold her for the first bid they got for her - ten bits.

'From Princess to a unicorn not worth the amount of bits it costs to take a chariot to Fillydelphia, how the mighty have fallen,' Twilight lamented in her cage.

The purchaser was a stone mason who was getting on her years. The stone mason treated Twilight as an apprentice, making her do all the grunt work as the master did all the important stuff. It was hard work and definitely more physical labor than the pony had ever done in her life, alicorn or otherwise.

'Is this karma for treating Lulamoon like a slave?' Twilight wondered during one of her admittedly short breaks.

Because slaves were people too, her mistress allowed Twilight to find a mate among any of the other slaves of the town. No breeding between free equines and slaves were permissible unless the free equine was willing to buy the slave's freedom. Most zebras or ponies didn't want to spend the bits though some did out of love. Twilight successfully found somepony to love and together they had two children, a earth pony and a pegasus. The unicorn lamented that neither could learn from her magic but love them nonetheless.

When the stone mason became too old to work, she passed her business on to a slave she had bought a few years after purchasing Twilight. The stallion was stronger and more deft with a hammer than Twilight, but he lacked the discipline to run a business. The unicorn had urged her owner to reconsider, but the old zebra would hear nothing of it. Everyday under the young stallion's leadership, he berated Twilight, blaming her for any shortcomings. "Look at this crack? Now, we have to start all over" and "No one wants to buy from us because you are scaring them off with your ugliness" would play over and over again in Twilight's head as she slept due to how often he criticized her.

After fifteen years of grueling labor, Twilight earned her freedom. The stone mason's daughter, as was custom, hoofed Twilight enough bits to get her life started.

She bought a sail boat and brought her family along with her across the sea. During a storm, the mast broke, leaving them stranded. They were running short on food and the foals were complaining loudly about being sick of oranges on sardines.

Twilight took out a fishing pole and began fishing for her family. She caught nothing for days but never gave up. The unicorn stayed up late into the night, trying her best to keep her family alive. Her husband had taken turns with her, but she insisted on doing the fishing.

"It is the least I can do since I don't have any magic," she stated. Their daughter, the pegasus, had been scouting for ships, and her husband had been keeping their young son entertained.

On the third day, Twilight finally got a nibble. A nibble quickly turned into a wrenching. Twilight couldn't hold on. Her husband and their foals had to glomp onto her just to keep her in the boat.

"Let go, Honey!" the stallion called out to her.

"No, this could be that last chance we get for more food."

"It isn't worth your life."

"My life isn't worth all of yours!"

A unicorn not even worth a ride to Fillydelphia.

With all her and her family's might, Twilight finally reeled in the beast. It was a narwhal. It's weight almost capsized the sail boat.

Twilight quickly gutted the beast and found dozens of squids, rockfish, halibut inside it. This delighted the family, but Twilight's eyes zoomed onto something else.

A lone king crab lay in the pile of dead, stinky fish. Upon its head lay a familiar golden crown. Twilight fought the crab for the crown hoof-to-claw. Her family stared at her as if she were crazy, and perhaps she was at this point.

Resting control of the crown, she looked at the crown and then to her family. Twilight told them the truth. That she had been a princess all along, and that in reality they were all royalty.

Their foals believed her, but her husband just became distraught.

"Dear, only alicorns are princesses. All ponies know this."

"No, I will show you. Once I wear this crown, everything will clear again."

Twilight put the crown on again and everything was indeed clear again.

"So what is 'true illusion magic' like, Sugarcube?"

Twilight blinked. She was once again surrounded by her advisers. She could once again feel the magic flowing through her horn and the wings upon her back. More importantly, she was young again. A small layer of fat covered her features and gone was the gaunt unicorn from moments ago. The Princess once again stood tall and regal above Lulamoon.

"Dear, don't hold us in suspense. We all want to know more about this mysterious and, might I add, alluring magic."

"Was that real?" Twilight wondered with tears building up in her eyes.

"That isn't the question you should be asking," Lulamoon replied with a smirk. "You shouldn't even question if this is even real." She indicated the room around her and the advisers within it. "What do you think the right question is?"

Twilight bawled her eyes out before her very confused friends. She couldn't answer her fellow alicorn for there were no correct questions. The Princess had finally learned the wisdom of True Illusion Magic that could only be experienced and not explained.

Author's Note

Highly inspired by the folk story The Beggar King.

The Mane Thing About Happiness

Equus Kilo - Crystal Empire [Frozen North] - Castle of Love [Formerly the Castle of Fear] - Flurry Heart's Room

Once upon a time in the Frozen North, there was a princess named Cadence who had a little filly named Flurry Heart. The filly would cry and mope all the time. No amount of soothing and gifts would ever make her happy.

Princess Cadence called upon all the wise ponies of the Crystal Empire and beyond to find a cure to Flurry Heart's depression. Some tried to use magic and others medicine. Nothing worked.

A wise Zebra eventually came and told Cadence that she must find a truly happy pony and take a lock of their mane. By giving her daughter the lock, she would become happy as well. With nothing to lose, the Princess went on the mission to find such this mythically gay pony.

First, she met with Filthy Rich. The stallion claimed to be the happiest of the land for he had no want of money. He owned multiple mansions and had several successful businesses. His only daughter would always have the best food and toys.

However, Cadence inspected the stallion's happiness and found it wanting. Filthy Rich worked tirelessly to maintain his businesses and constantly feared losing everything due to a blunder. His wealth had, instead of making his life easier and happier, made Filthy Rich endlessly busy and anxious.

Second, the Princess met with her elder Princess - Celestia. The diarch of Equestria had more power than any pony. All loved and feared her. She spent her days leading with unquestioned authority. Due to her magic, her body never aged, so Celestia could remain beautiful until the end of time, all things equal.

However, Cadence inspected the mare's happiness and found it wanting. Celestia's power was a shame. Centuries of combat had only made her weaker psychologically. Celestia's guilt for banishing Luna for her own crime had disconnected her from the Elements of Harmony. When she fought, Celestia couldn't bring forth the full power she had due to memories of using it excessively against those who didn't deserve death. Deep down, Celestia knew she was nopony others should love or fear. That is why she relied on proxies to fight battles she had procrastinated on for over a millennia. In other words, power and eternal youth did not happiness bring.

Third, the royal mare met with the scholar Starswirl the Bearded. The stallion had seen the future and no knowledge was beyond him. Starswirl was the one could prophesied Luna's fall from grace and her return. It was said he had nothing to fear for he could predict any evil and had the magic ready to defeat it. Many believed him to be a happy stallion because he lived in certainty.

However, Cadence inspected the stallion's happiness and found it wanting like all the rest. With certainty came boredom. While Starswirl did fear anything, he never had any happy surprises. His friends were all well and protected, but the lack of spontaneity ate at him him. Starswirl wished he could go back to days where he didn't know everything, so he could again experience of learning something and being excited for what would happen next. This he could not do as the bearded stallion had a responsibility to his kingdom. He must keep protecting it to the day he inevitably died. A fortune once cast, after all, was absolute.

Cadence walked back home. The princess given up all hope. She felt certain that she would never find a truly happy pony from whom to take a lock of their mane. Along the way, however, she heard a happy tune coming from an roadside orchard. The tune carried had an airy soul befitting a pony without a care in the world. The Princess ran towards to source to find a whistling earth pony mare who wore a simple hat.

After talking to the farmer, Cadence found the mare the living definition of gaiety.

The Princess asked politely that the earth pony remove her hat. The mare complied to reveal: the truly happy pony was bald.

The One-Eyed Disciple

Equus Bravo - Minos Peninsula - Hornenthia - Iron Will’s Dojo

Minotaurs all know of the strong and wise teacher called Iron Hoof who lives in Hornenthia.

One day, a middle-aged Iron Hoof inspected his image in a mirror he bought. Originally, he had intended to practice some catchy one-liners for his motivational speaking tour.

“Is it me or the mirror?” the wise teacher asked his one-eyed disciple, gesturing to his less than flattering image in the mirror.

“Master Iron Will, I will be doing the morning gardening,” the one-eyed disciple stated. There was no way he was going to answer that question. The teacher waved his disciple off.

A few minutes later, a young minotaur entered the dojo.

“Great Master Iron Will, I have come to you to become your disciple,” the youth said.

“I would be happy to teach you young bull. As I always say, those ready to learn are worth one hundred unwilling students. However, before I take you on, please talk to my disciple in the garden out back. You may speak to him in any language you please as he is quite verse in foreign languages.”

The youth nodded and charged in the back of the dojo while Iron Will continued debating with his mirror image. Like he always said, your greatest enemy is yourself. Overcome that, and you can overcome the world.

The minotaur met the one-eyed disciple in the garden. She wanted to impress Iron Will so decided to use sign language, which was an obscure language only used by races with hands or dexterous claws. Since the disciple and she were both minotaurs, they both could use sign language.

After getting the disciple’s attention, the youth put up one finger. The disciple responded with two. She countered with three, which he came back with a fist. Wide-eyed, the youth ran back into the dojo.

“Master, Master!” the youth exclaimed.

“What is it, young taur?” Iron Hoof inquired.

“I have severely overestimated my readiness to learn under you, for the minotaur who is already your disciple is far wiser than I.”

“This is unexpected. Explain.”

“I had intended to impress you so I communicated to him in sign language. First I put up a single finger, representing the body of Europa. He responded with two fingers for the Law of Europa. I countered him with three fingers for the cosmic being of Europa, who is in all things. I had thought him beat, but he immediately responds with a closed hand, representing that they are all one. I was so humbled by his wisdom and, by extension, yours that I have to meditate on the error of my ways as I wander the Peninsula.”

The youthful minotaur promptly left Iron Will’s dojo before the one-eyed disciple could come in. He had to clean up and put away some tools before entering the dojo, which is why he took so long.

“Master, Master!” the disciple exclaimed.

“What is it, young taur?” Iron Hoof inquired.

“I have had my patience severely tried this day, for the minotaur who came to me has insulted me.”

“This is unexpected. Explain.”

“The minotaur came to me holding up one finger, pointing out my one eye. I put up two, congratulating her on having two. She then dare put up three fingers, emphasizing there are three eyes among us. I put up my fist to fight, but she runs off, the coward. I hope you sent her off so that she may meditate on the error of her ways.”

“You could say that.”

“Good. I must return to my gardening. Have a good afternoon, Master.”

Iron Will sighed as his disciple left once again. He stared at his mirror image and said: “It must be the mirror.” The minotaur punched right through it, deciding to feel much better about himself.

Author's Note

For those who don't know, Europa is the mythological mother of the famous Minotaur from legend.

The Forest of Endless Paths

Equus Kilo - Equestria - Ponyville - Sweet Apple Acres

There once was a little filly with a bright red bow named Apple Bloom. She had a big sister and a big brother and an old grandmother. Together they lived on a farm next to the dark and mysterious Everfree Forest.

Her sister warned her to never go into the forest as nopony who had entered had ever returned, but Apple Bloom did not heed her sister's warning as the filly, curious as can be, entered the Everfree anyway.

At first, Apple Bloom thought the forest harmless; however, the moment she turned around, she couldn't see her way back home.

The little filly with the bright red bow galloped down a dozen different paths. Not a single one led home.

Despondent, Applebloom cried out for help. That is when an old zebra by the name of Zecora found her.

Zecora explained that she too had entered the forest as a foal but hadn't found the way out after a lifetime of searching.

The little filly questioned how the elder could possibly help find her way home if she didn't know the right path.

The elder countered Apple Bloom, saying that she might not know the right path, but she knew thousands that were the wrong ones.

The Earth Pony's Silence

Equus Milo - Equestria - Canterlot - Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns

Ever since Chancellor had returned to Equestria from seemingly nowhere, whispers of her legendary wisdom had spread. This led to a one Twilight Sparkle to get curious. The lavender Princess of Friendship investigated the ancient earth pony leader and did not like what she found. Twilight sought out the Puddinghead with her concerns.

"Why did you run away after they elected you to represent them to the three tribes?" Twilight asked Puddinghead.

The Chancellor held her tongue, which frustrated the alicorn.

After getting no answers for several more of her questions, Twilight seethed. She practiced her breathing exercises. "Why won't you answer me?" the Princess wondered when she calmed down.

Puddinghead rubbed her chin at the question and then grinned mischievously. "In my day, we earth ponies had something called a boast. I boast that after a week of teaching, I will have the most popular class in this whole school. You are welcome to compete against me, of course, since I made the boast to you."

Twilight had never heard of the custom before, but she agreed nonetheless. The Princess wanted answers and hoped that by defeating the Chancellor in a boast, she would get those answers.

'This will be a breeze. I was the most gifted unicorn at this school when I attended and ponies will flock to me due to my fame as a princess,' the alicorn proudly concluded.

The first day of the boast began, and Puddinghead's class was fairly small. The only ones who attended were those curious about the ancient earth pony. Most went to Twilight's class immediately after it was announced.

"Does anypony know what I am going to teach today?" the Chancellor asked the class.

They all shook their heads.

"Well, there is no point in teaching you if nopony knows," the teacher concluded and dismissed the class.

The next day, the class had increased in number as rumors of the bizarre dismissal had spread. What would the Chancellor say today? they all wondered.

"Does anypony know what I am going to teach today?" Puddinghead asked the class again.

They all knew what she said last time, so all of them nodded instead.

"Well, there is no point in teaching you if everypony knows," the guest lecturer concluded and dismissed the class once again.

The third day, the students had taken every possible chair. Everypony wanted to know how to crack Puddinghead's puzzle.

"Does anypony know what I am going to teach today?" she asked for the third time.

Half of the class nodded and the other shook their head.

"Well then, the half that knows what I am going to say would you please explain to the other half what I am going to teach? Thanks," Puddinghead commanded and dismissed the class.

The fourth and final day, the students had completely filled the room. Even Twilight Sparkle had cancelled her class so that she could see what was going on. The Princess couldn't get a seat as the students had long claimed them before the class began.

"Does anypony know what I am going to teach today?" she asked for the fourth time.

None of the students, who were all unicorns, moved an inch. They kept their silence. A pony could hear a pin drop.

After ten almost unbearable seconds, Puddinghead smiled. "Ah, so you have finally learned my first lesson: sometime there aren't any good answers. Now let us move onto my next one."

Everypony leaned forward in the chairs in order to hear better.

"Why is our history silent about what happened earth ponies' self-governance?" she declared as she walked up to the chalkboard and spent the rest of the evening explaining what occurred long ago during a period she called the 'silencing' of earth ponies.

Twilight lost the boast but got her answer. She didn't know that winning a boast didn't dictate any conditions. The ancient custom, which was meant just for fun, only lived on in a displaced mare.

Death in the Marketplace

Equus Kilo - Equestria - Ponyville - Market Square

Starlight Glimmer had gone shopping for food as the Friendship Castle had run out. While there, she saw Mortimer the Pony Reaper staring at her and pointing.

The lilac unicorn screamed in fear and ran back to Twilight.

After Twilight calmed down her down, Starlight explained what she had seen.

“Okay, take these bits. Get a pegasus chariot and go to Canterlot. My parents live there. You should arrive by dusk.”

Starlight took the bit which jingled loudly in her saddlebags next to the bits she had already received for restocking the castle. Then the unicorn left.

Her teacher went to the market to confront Mortimer.

“Why did you scare my pupil so, Reaper?”

Mortimer looked confused for a moment. “I scared her? She scared me.” He pulled out a long piece of paper from his white robe. “She is still here in Ponyville, but my list told me I was to meet her this evening in Canterlot.”

Baked Wisdom

Equus November- Earth - Moundoleum

Before the rise of the royal pony sisters but after the unification of the tribes, earth ponies mostly lived in their capital Moundoleum. There lived a famous baker named Flat Bread. Every earth pony in Moundoleum and many ponies from beyond came to his bakery for his delicious bread. There was also a beggar Lint Pockets who would sit outside Flat's bakery just to smell the bread.

Flat Bread did not like Lint Pockets sitting outside his shop, so he took the poor pony to court. Chancellor Puddinghead, famous for her in-the-chimney thinking, presided.

"This mare comes to my bakery everyday and smells my bread, but doesn't buy anything," Flat explained. "I demand she paid me for the smell of my bread."

While everypony agreed that his bread did smell great, the court filled with incredulous laughs at the baker's crazy request.

"Order, order, everypony," Chancellor Puddinghead called while pounding her gavel. "After considering what you have told me Mr. Bread, I must agree with you. Mrs. Pockets must pay you for the scent of your bread."

The crowd gasped at the unexpected ruling.

"But Chancellor, I only have two bits," Lint Pockets cried, showing the presiding judge her money. The whole court could hear them jingle in her hooves.

"Thanks, Mrs. Pockets," the earth pony leader said to the mare and then turned to the stallion. "Are you happy, Mr. Bread? You have been paid."

"No, I haven't," Flat Bread stated in confusion.

"But you have. Isn't the sound of her bits not sufficient payment for the scent of your bread?"

Puddinghead's Secret to Being So Wise

Equus November- Equestria - Canterlot - Market Square

Chancellor Puddinghead had recently came out of hiding. A thousand years ago, when the alicorn sisters took power, she didn’t want to give them the pleasure of disposing her. The Dreamweaver Arachne the First, whom Luna had imprisoned with all her future descendents out of jealously underneath Canterlot Mountain, had saved the Chancellor by creating a Dream Realm where dreamers could live in peace and never grow old. A week ago, the vengeful dryad Birch and her apprentice Twilight Sparkle had stolen the enchanted dream quilt in Celestia’s vault. They freed Arachne the Second, the First’s granddaughter, from Luna’s prison with it. Along with the dreamweaving spider came all the dreamers like Puddinghead who had stayed alive the whole millennia in the Dream Realm.

The ponies of modern Equestria knew of Puddinghead from their Hearth’s Warming stories; however, these stories painted her a babbling buffoon who endangered her people and stubbornly didn’t listen to her advisors. History was truly written by the victors, and the alicorn sisters were those victors. The Chancellor’s fellow dreamers who have lived the millennia with her took it upon themselves to restore her reputation as a wise and caring leader.

It was a bright Sunday in the Market Square when a bunch of curious foals have heard that Puddinghead was wise found the emaciated mare in a pile of bananas. Puddinghead had starved for her people before entering the Dream Realm and it showed. She only been free for a week and had yet to regain her legendary pudge.

“Puddinghead, we wish to know how to become wise,” the foals declared.

“That is simple. Use good judgement,” the mare replied matter-of-factly.

“How do we get good judgement?”

“Experience.”

“How do we get experience.”

“Bad judgement,” Puddinghead answered and groaned. Looking at all the banana peels around her, she had definitely exercised bad judgement that day. The foals laughed at her expense like foals had been doing for centuries in her absence.