Pursuit of Happiness, with a Dose of Insanity
Chapter I: Knowledge is Power!
Whirlpools of power consisting of every single school of magic swirled around me ... this was my first memory. And by golly was it fascinating. Really educational stuff ... I mean, maybe I could learn to harness it and use it to my liking. Cause a bit of destruction here and there, destroy a town or two, maybe — ......wait. Perhaps I'm jumping the gun here, gotta calm down. What in the hay was going on? That had to be the first act of business!
Memories. Memories, memories, memories! What were all these memories!?
They sure as hay weren't mine. Ponies, friendships, parties, all this obscure craziness that was overwhelming yet pretty darn cool. Still ... it was a bit too crazy! Even for me! And boy did I feel crazy! My brain was melting!
Is this what it meant to exist? Wicked. Totally wicked crazy. I could feel myself logically coming together ... well, if anything about this was logical at all. A paw? Check! Another paw? Check! A hoof? Wait ... a couple of antlers? Okay, now hold on a second. A slender snake-like tail with a body just as boneless and pathetic, and a pony's head. What in the Equestria am I!? Even I knew this didn't make any sense and I didn't even exist yet!
And then came the expanding explosive pop. Pretty simple, like a pop of popcorn. Just imagine it, little old me. A few seconds old, popping out into existence with an adorable little — bloop! And tada! I was alive!
Field was rubble. Nothing but ruins, and it was pretty sad. Nopony had cleaned this place up? Such laziness.
I glanced around into the far off distance and couldn't help but wonder. Why in the hay was this place so bright? Was like some candy coated wonderland further off. Goofy rolling hills, plainly outlined houses, thick puffy marshmallow clouds. This place was so whack I couldn't even blame it for spitting out something like me. Still, had to be grateful for it. Totally grateful. So grateful in fact, my first action was a grin. A wicked wild grin!
"I'm alive." I uttered it at first. Then I clenched my two paws and shot them towards the sky with a cheer. "I'm alive!" Whatever that meant. What was even being alive? Still ... nothing but excitement filled me. I felt relieved, even if I didn't inherently understand why. Actually, I didn't understand a lot of things, but I knew them.
The more I simply decided to stand there and think, you know, use my actual brain power ... the more I began to clarify things about the world around me. Magic, I was created by it. A violent mixture of it, exploding and cascading throughout the freaking dimensional cosmos! Dang — I sure as hay was impressive, if I do say so myself. Those pony memories in my head too. There were a lot of them. A bit too much and it was becoming real bothersome. Ponyville, names that sounded like cereal brands or heart attack pastries. Yeah, this wasn't going to do. So with a claw placed on my non-existing hips followed by a snap, they were gone. Just like that, all those bothersome memories were buried away somewhere deep in the crevices of my mind. "Excellent."
"I'll just have to review those memories later." Eeep! My voice? So nerdy. Yet so familiar? How could anything be familiar when I'd never met anypony before? Still I recognized it as Twilight Sparkle. Who was Twilight Sparkle? Graaaah! Everything was so freaking confusing! Whatever whatever. I had to concentrate. And there was no way I was ever going to go digging back into those memories, unless I wanted my head to explode. Though not like I wouldn't be able to generate a new one. Wait, how did I know that either? Ah buck it, I needed a solution.
My power just felt inherent, and all mine. I felt like I could tap into any magic I wanted to and poof it out of thin air. Was I really that awesome? A giggle snort escaped me. Yeah, duh I was that awesome. I was perfect. Now with such awesome powers what could I do to find answers. Ah, well duh. "I'll just create a duplicate brain." I scoffed, why didn't I think of that earlier? A duplicate sentient brain that I could just ask multiple questions.
So I snapped with a smirk, and there it was. A brai— ....ugh, gross. Okay okay, need to change the appearance. Not a brain but well, let's make it look like.. ah! That's right, a sphere. A talking sphere was always cool. Now to-
"Whoa! I'm a sphere!? Now this is a wickedly awesome technological advancement darling. I-"
Naw. That wasn't gonna cut it. I snapped to quickly shut myself up. I wasn't allowed to know how annoying I was. Needed a new way to control this thing. Ah! I'll make it like an obedient butler. That would work. Another snap followed by observation. Now I could see how this goes, so I crossed my arms and waited eagerly.
"A-Ah? Hello? Oh! Greetings Madam. It's a pleasure to meet you! What questions might you have?"
Yeah, now this was way way better. "Hm, for starters. What am I?"
"A draconequus Madam. A being of absolute chaos."
I tilted my head to the right. That name was way too confusing. "Okay, draca-something. Anyway, based on my current surroundings and predicament, I'd personally assess a wicked awesome battle took place here." I leaned down, using my superior knowledge to determine the timeframe. "Quite some time ago in fact. Odd. Perhaps the residue magic simply clashed within the fabric of reality." This was all so— boooooooring! Buck this! I shrugged. "Meh, who cares. Other brain, where's the nearest town? What should I do there?"
"Well Madam, much like you I was born less than five minutes ago. Even seconds ago in fact. Based off our memories, I'd say that Ponyville is the closest town. It is also where our creators live. Aka, our parents."
"Since I created you doesn't that make me your parent?"
"Well I- ... ugh, yes. Yes it does Madam. So yes, your parents live there."
I couldn't help but kick a couple rocks out of sheer boredom. "And who're these parents?"
"Your parents consist of nine ponies primarily. That and one male centaur. You were conceived by—"
Okay! Hold on a second. "Enough!" I raised my paw flatly towards the sphere, standing straight and grumpily. "I don't think I need my mind falling deeper into any gutter brain two! Totally uncalled for! I'd rather not know!"
"But Madam, it is only with the raw explosive power of magic were you—"
And with that I hopped from the ground into levitation mode, "And we're off to Ponyville!"
Ponyvillle huh? So this was where my parents lived. Seemed awfully stale. Nothing but ponies... well, as the name suggests. Oh yeah, I was flying pretty high up at this point so nopony could see me. Levitating in place and looking down below. Ponies strutted about, going about their everyday tasks and stuff. I yawned cause this was all just a total complete snoozefest. "Jeez I'm bored, is there a library around here or something?"
"There was Madam. But it was also destroyed in the climactic battle that resulted in your birth."
Okay. I think that was enough sphere for now. So I snapped and she was gone. I continued to look down in a bored manner at the ponies of this city. Was this their lives? Did they really just enjoy trotting around, smiling at one another all the time like weirdos and doing menial tasks. Had to be something more insane around here. Well ... there was that huge castle in the distance. That was something special, might as well go check it out.
I casually flew, drifting through the air like a cloud itself. Jeez I really wanted to destroy something. Maybe create some fun hectic chaos, perhaps starting with that castle. But something else held me back too. Feelings of sympathy and kindness. Ew, why did I even care? Well before I did any of that it didn't hurt to at least check if there was something interesting to vent my boredom on. Finding these parents seemed like a good starting-
Sphew! Whoa! What in the hay!? I jolted and came to a screeching halt. A blast of magic nearly taking my face off! Not that it'd be any sort of problem even if it did but still ... that was scary! I glanced down, eyes wide with a passive fury as I scanned the path towards the castle. There I saw em, two guards. Pesky unicorn guards.
"What is that thing up there? I-It looks quite strange."
"No matter! No unauthorized visitors may encroach upon the castle."
I did what any logical creature would do, and stretched my head all the way down to where they were! "Hey!" Then I let my body follow with an elastic snap! I'd show these two! "What do you two think you're doing!?"
Those guards looked at me like I was the crazy one!
"Er ... it seems like a ... child? Some sort of ... mutation."
"Child ... do you not realize this is an off limits area?"
Haha, well obviously they had no idea who my parents were. Confidently I placed my claws upon my non existent hips and raised my head in superiority. Who did these two think they were? "Well my parents live there sooooooo I guess that means ya two will have to step aside. How's that feel? Huh? Eh? Hmmmmm!?"
The two idiots looked at each other all confused. It was really giving me a negative buzz! Took some time for one to finally speak up, and when he did, oh the words that came were irking to say the least! "Listen little creature. We suggest you trot away. There is no plausible way you'd belong to Princess Twilight."
Yeah, I wasn't dealing with this. "Haha, very funny. Well, I'll be floating on by now." I tried to proceed, only for the two morons to block me with their sharp lances. Yeah ... not smart. Not smart at all. Which is why I smiled, and just eyed up at them. I was bored. "Whoa, you ponies are some pretty big meat heads huh?"
It was hilarious! Now this was fun! One just continued to give me the crazy eye.
I couldn't hold it in. I just had to make the epic first move! "Crackle pop." Cool ... right? I tapped their lances with my paws and they shattered into loads of popcorn. Oh gosh! The faces they made were priceless! I could only roll around on the ground howling with laughter at them in their idiocy! I nearly cried from it all!
"Get it! We can't let it reach the princess!" One howled, pft! Bet she was stronger than you two. Nonetheless he came in hooves blazing, swinging at me even though I was a kid. Didn't he know I was born less than an hour ago? Whatever, poof poof poof poof. Dodging them was like dodging turtles. Turtles with rocks strapped to their shells ... and four broken legs. Was this really his best? It was laughable. So laughable I decided to make him laugh with me. So I poked him with a paw, a gentle tap on the head after poofing behind him. Then there he was, halting his swings and becoming the cackling stallion. Then I turned him into a chicken cause ... why not? Now he was a cackling chicken, flapping his wings and running around in circles like his head was cut off.
As for the second one, well ... he got the message. He was trembling. Who was the kid now? Pft! He wasn't even worth it. I looked up at him with my paws placed back at my sides. One as great as me shouldn't waste her time. I cocked my head casually, "So, what's it gonna be? Need a handicap?" Duh he'd need one!
But then he answered me with a warning. "You won't get away with this creature! Princess Twilight has stopped the Pony of Shadows! She ended the changeling invasion! She saved Princess Luna from the darkness! She stopped Lord Tirek's rampage!" Ah, Tirek. That name, it struck a nerve. I wonder why ... such familiarity. "There are multiple patrols who protect these outskirts of the castle! Even if you make it past all of them, Princess Twilight would stop you!" Wait wait wait wait, stop me. Now this is where I got confused. This was an issue?
I touched down to the ground and just had to clarify. "And why's this Princess Twilight so stuck up?"
And here came the crazy look again. "S-Stuck up? What? W-What're you even talking about creature?"
I rolled my eyes. How couldn't I? I looked up at him again, maybe I had to speak slower so a meathead like him could understand? "Stuck up? An analogy I pulled from my memory banks. Ya know? All I did was turn your buddy into a cackling chicken, and look at him! He's having a great time!" What? He was. Cackling, gobbling, same thing. "All I was gonna do was meet her, probably destroy the castle and then dip out. So what?"
"That's against the law!" He raged. Jeez, wasn't that serious.
Now I felt pretty confused. "Against the law? Like ... the rules?" I was devastated, so he was telling me this princess was so stuck up that I wasn't allowed to cause chaos!? What sort of whacky world was this! Why was I even born then if I wasn't allowed to cause chaos!? What was I supposed to do!? I mean ... it wasn't like I could break the rules. They were rules! You like ... weren't allowed to break them, and stuff. Right? RIGHT?
No, no no no. Something wasn't right here. "Sphere!" I needed clarification and fast!
And there she came, popping into existence again. "Yes Madam?"
"These laws! I feel the desperate need to destroy stuff and go around causing wanton destruction and chaos, but this big pony meathead here says the laws state I can't! Is he correct?" I crossed my arms, tapping my hoofed foot as well. Come on come on, give me some breathing room here Princess Stuckup.
"Scanning the memory banks, yes Madam. Wanton destruction and chaos would draw a bit too much attention. You'd likely be locked up and/or banished for your actions. Likely even for eternity. Longer, if possible."
I just let my arms drop to the dirt along with my jaw. "Woooooow! Lamest Princess eveerrrrrr!" I then retracted my spaghetti pile arms to their normal length before picking my jaw up off the floor and readjusting it, it was the only natural reaction one could have really. What was I supposed to do now? I felt sorry for the second meathead most of all, I mean ... we were about to have so much fun. "So what am I supposed to do now?"
"Well Madam. Logically speaking, none of your current desires are really achievable. Based on our memories, Princess Twilight wouldn't tolerate your interests nor where they might lead. It'd be short-lived at best. Perhaps learn more of the world around you to ease your boredom? There is a nearby school to enroll in."
What was this sphere talking about? I let my arms hang sluggishly at me sides. "What in tarnation is a school?"
"A place of education Madam. Much like a library, except ... you learn primarily from a pony and not a book."
I groaned! LAME! A pony? What could a pony possibly know compared to the glory of a book? It's not like books were made by ponies right? PFT! They were far too revered in my mind for them to be as lame as that. Whatever ... I guess this school would have to do for now. I definitely had to apologize to the meathead over there too, seeing as we had to cancel our fun so early. "Hey, sorry Meathead, catch you later. I was going to turn you into a fish, but I guess that isn't allowed. Pft." I snapped and cackling chicken over there returned to normal too, so lame. "Do me a solid and keep this under wraps? Get it? Got it? Good." I tossed them a wave.
No idea why they just continued to stand there and stare at me afterwords all clueless.
I was amazing, I got it. But show was over bozos, you knew it too. No fun allowed! Well ... off to school I guess.
School huh? Well I guess this was it. I eventually stood in front of that bright red school house unimpressed. "So what am I supposed to do now sphere? Just stand here and wait?" I tossed the sphere a bored glance.
"You should probably go inside Madam. Um, standing here won't accomplish anything."
Was she really being smart with me? You know what, buck this! "Sphere! Chameleon mode, I don't even want to see you right now. But uh ... still stick around in case I need you." I snapped my paw again.
Then she was gone, poof, but still there. Heh, my powers totally rocked.
I made my way up to the schoolhouse and of course being as great as I am, decided that simply strolling in wouldn't do. Oh no no no, if I were going to get some fun out of this, I'd make a splash. So the moment I arrived at that front door, I clasped my paws behind my back and with an epic roundhouse kick, I smashed that door right open! Followed by a bow! Cool right? Then I grinned, absolute perfection. "Nice to make your acquaintance ponies." I took a few steps in with a signature giggle snort. "I'm here to attend this so called, school."
Well seeing as there was only one adult mare, funny puffy hair along with a bunch of little squirts awestruck by my glory, I looked straight to her first with a casual nod and then poofed into one of the vacant seats. All eyes were on me and it was glorious. They all were trembling with absolute awe for my talents obviously.
Then they screamed, screams of utter excitement no doubt. I just continued to sit patiently, I could dig this.
Wait ... what? Why was I now the only one in the freaking schoolhouse!? Where'd all the squirts go? Trails of dust surrounded me as they all bolted outside. Was school over or something? Meh, I looked to the adult at the head of the classroom again and tapped my paw on the table. "So, what next Lady? I'm here to learn."
Yeah, she was still overwhelmed, standing there silent and trembling. But it didn't matter to me, so I smiled at her eagerly as I raised a brow at her. I was born less than an hour ago, I had all the time in the world.
Author's Note
This is a really new style for me. 1st person similarity that is.
Just kind of testing the waters. Either way, thoughts are appreciated. 
