Derpy Hooves, Shinigami

by Ssendam the Masked

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Sad, Comedy
Length: 6535

Derpy Hooves becomes a Shinigami after death.

Derpy Hooves is killed while delivering a letter.
And an ancient agreement between worlds is ended.
Now Derpy must become a Shinigami to see her daughter again, and the Elements of Harmony must get more powerful, to defend the world against the threat of Hueco Mundo.
Rated teen for violence and swearing.
Comments are appreciated.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-29 20:52:50 UTC

The Ending of the beginning

It was a perfect day in the small locale of the rather unimaginatively named Ponyville. Not out of some freak of weather deciding to just relax, but because of the tireless (?) efforts of the Ponyville pegasi. And the diligent (?) leader of the weather force of Ponyville, Rainbow Dash, Element of Harmony, only living practitioner of the Sonic Rainboom and friend to fillies everywhere, was engaging in the boring, once a month nature of paperwork. It was not going well.

Rainbow Dash was a born athlete- incredible wing power, aerodynamic shape and a pressing desire to better herself were all factors in her legendary Sonic Rainboom. But she was also a prankster, and until recently had loathed reading, seeing it as something eggheads like her best friend Twilight did instead of getting into the fresh air more and exercising. But she still had to do paperwork.

Every head of the Weather force complained that there was too much paperwork, and Rainbow Dash was no exception.

“Ugggggh… Why do I have to do this piece of horseapple?”

Rainbow Dash picked up her pen. And then put it down again. Then straightened it up. Then looked at the first piece of paper in a three-piece stack of work on raincloud expenditure, the only paperwork she was required to do legally. It wasn’t much, but to Rainbow Dash, who was easily qualified for ADHD, it looked like Canterlot Mountain. Finally, she decided to look at what she had to do. All she really had to do was sign the papers in triplicate, and then get it delivered to Cloudsdale by tomorrow.

“I’m never going to finish this!” Rainbow Dash immediately hit herself. “C’mon, there’s NOTHING the great Rainbow Dash can’t do when I put my mind to it!”

Straining every centimetre of the way, Rainbow Dash signed each place with all the tedium of continental drift.

Rainbow Dash had heard of the word ‘irony’, but assumed it was something to do with metal. After the laborious ardour of signing the pages, she fell asleep from the effort.

“Where the heck am I?”

Normally, when Rainbow Dash dreamed, it was either dreams about her friends (not in the way some ponies would think), or they were dreams about being in the Wonderbolts, or flying, or sleeping. Normal dreams like that. This was different.

It was no recognizable sky she was in, that was for sure. The ground beneath her was a large field, with large craters imbedded within it. The sky above was a perfect sky blue, but covered in thunderclouds, from which occasional, rainbow coloured lightning bolts occasionally shot down to the ground. And, just when Rainbow Dash thought things COULDN’T get weirder, there was a tortoise floating in the air. It was rainbow coloured, and wind streaked around it as if it was at the centre of a tornado. It then started speaking.

“Greetings, Rainbow Dash. Since you can see me, this means that the agreement of the two worlds has finally ended.”

“Excuse me, but I seem to have the wrong tickets. Can’t I just get my regular dream where I save Equestria by doing a Sonic Rainboom?” The tortoise chuckled at that statement.

“Not very loyal at face value, is it? But I see deeper. You want to things all on your own, so that those you are close to don’t get hurt. You are truly a stalwart guardian. A noble, and truly loyal attitude.” Rainbow Dash mulled over his words, and couldn’t be sure how to answer to that.

“Well, yeah, I guess you’re right. I don’t want ponies getting hurt, especially those I’m close to. So then, who are you?” The tortoise looked sad when it heard this.

“There is no-pony who knows me better than you do, Rainbow Dash. But my name is ------------------“ Rainbow Dash hadn’t heard that last bit. The wind had picked up, making his already indistinct voice even worse. She hadn’t heard his name.

“So, you are still deaf. Your ego robs you of your hearing. Come back, when you are humbled.” With that, the tortoise started fading, even as Rainbow Dash tackled the air where he was.

“WAH!”

Rainbow Dash bolted upright in her chair. Sighing, she looked around. Same old home, same old desk, same old finished paperwork, same old Tank wearing a propeller hat. In short, normal, unlike her weird dream.

Paperwork.

“OH, HORSEAPPLES!”

Derpy Hooves, meanwhile, was facing similar problems of realisation. To be short, Derpy was late to work. The mailmare was a damn fine deliverer, for her unfortunate handicap. Her right eye was, on a good day, merely a lazy eye that drifted upwards slightly. On a bad day, or when she was flustered, tired or making muffins, both eyes pointed in opposite directions, and refused to budge. Many ponies had never seen her really not able to look forwards or really stressed, as the mailmare took her work cheerfully, taking Ponyville’s mail to the right locations- well, almost right. The crash landings were to be expected, and at least she wasn’t crashing into other ponies, was she? Having a lazy eye allowed her to see a lot more of the world than most ponies could. Depth perception was only the price you paid to see ponies both straight ahead and upwards at the same time. Flying hard towards Rainbow Dash’s house in the clouds, Derpy placed her hooves in front of her face, as crashing through walls hurt.

A lot.

Even when made out of clouds.

Pushing through the wall, she slid forwards in a tackle with the table. Tank hovered down to the prone Pegasus in curiosity, and then quickly retreated as she pushed herself up again.

“Oh Celestia, am I late?” Rainbow Dash just looked at Derpy strangely.

“No way, Derpy, you’re right on time!” Derpy and Rainbow Dash were on easy terms with one another- Rainbow Dash handed mail to Derpy, Derpy made muffins for ponies as payment for the walls, that sort of thing- and often swapped flying tips.

“Here’s the paperwork. I worked ALL night on that, so it gets there on time!” Derpy carefully undid her muffin-shaped clasp on her mailbag with her teeth, placed the paperwork in there gently, pulled out a muffin and tossed it to Rainbow Dash, who swallowed it in a bite. And then flew out of the hole she had punched in the wall. Rainbow Dash chuckled a bit around the muffin and started reconstruction work, such as it was.

Derpy just flew through the air, humming a small tune about muffins. The pony was obsessed with muffins. She made the most delicious, cheap, filling muffins in Ponyville, and often sampled her wares. Derpy had one little filly by an unknown father, a small cottage on the ground for her daughter, and held down four separate jobs- part-time works as an apple-bucker at Sweet Apple Acres, full-time mailmare, part-time job at Sugarcube corner, and a job on the weather force. It was a lot of work for only one mare to do, but she found the time to juggle her commitments and personal life together. Despite this, Derpy was always slightly out of focus because of her commitments.

That was how Derpy was killed.

If she’d only been more alert, was the general response from her friends.

If only she’d seen the dragon starting to breathe in, she could have escaped, rather than been turned into a pile of ashes.

And in the Seiretei, Head Captain Genryūsai Yamamoto received a unique message- no Hell Butterfly delivered the scroll of paper he had just received.

Idly reading through the paper, he then reread the scroll, and again to make sure of its authenticity. He then bowed his head in thought, and what thoughts went through his mind were as mysterious as the contents of the scroll in his hand. He then apparently reached a decision. Banging his sealed zanpacto on the ground, his lieutenant, Chōjirō Sasakibe.

“Head Captain. What are your orders?”

“Summon the other captains for an emergency meeting… regarding the dimension of Equestria and it’s reopening to the Seiretei.”

Wake me up now.

When once before, the sky over Ponyville had been clear, it was now overcast, signalling the rain that was scheduled for this day. Very fitting for a funeral.

The loss of Derpy Hooves rang deep within the community. Not only did it mean that Rainbow Dash had to refill the forms again, which she did without complaining or procrastinating this time, but it also meant the loss of a good friend.

Derpy Hooves was a perpetually cheerful pony- never had a bad word to say to anypony, always smiling, as if life was just one huge joke. Her muffins, once tasted, were never forgotten, and her sheer goofy nature prevented anypony from being angry with her for long. With Derpy gone, Ponyville felt gutted. It was still there, but it had lost something when Derpy had flown too close to that dragon. It had lost some of its soul.

“We are gathered here today to pay our last respects to a fine mare, dependable parent and hard worker: Derpy Hooves.”

Nearly the whole town had shown up for the funeral. Derpy had known everypony’s name and what they liked. Only Dinky and Fluttershy were absent- the loss of her mother in such a tragic accident had caused her to just go off alone for long periods of time to where she was killed, as if she was waiting for her mother to come back. Besides, it wouldn’t have been right for her to go to the funeral, and forced to read a speech about her mother. Fluttershy had wanted to come, but was too busy crying to move out of her house.

“Her life was tragically cut short by a rogue dragon, who, out of malice and boredom, burned Derpy out of the sky. It was instantaneous, and she did not suffer.”

What few ashes they could find had been magically reconstructed by the funeral unicorns, which were unnaturally solemn, even as ashes knotted themselves, back into flesh, bone and sinew.

“And now, we will hear the speeches for the departed. Ms Applejack, if you’d please.”

Applejack walked up to the podium, and removed her hat, a sure sign of respect from her to Derpy.

“Well, ah’m not good with fancy letters an’ all that, but ah’ll do mah best. Derpy was a fine worker, and a fine parent. It ain’t easy, raisin’ a kid all by yourself, but Derpy managed somehow with four jobs to feed herself and her kid. She worked only to provide for her daughter. That’s all ah had to say about her.” She backed down, to be replaced by Rainbow Dash, looking unnaturally solemn with a black cape on, contrasting the brightness of her hair.

“Yeah, I’m not one for speeches and all, and it feels-“ she paused for breath, struggling to find an adequate word for her feelings, and found it, “-like I’m never going to recover, but here I go!”

She cleared her throat, and then began speaking.

“Sure, she wasn’t the most graceful of fliers, or the most accurate flier, come to that. But she had her heart in the right place, and her head screwed on right, for all that her eyes were a bit wonky. And she was the kind of pony who enjoyed a laugh with her friends. That’s all from me.” Rainbow Dash walked off the podium with her head hung low. Rarity stepped up next, looking stunning, as usual, in a custom-made dress for the occasion. Unlike others, she was going to keep it.

“Well, I know Derpy just as well as the rest of us do. We first met when she first delivered mail for me. She crashed through the wall and nearly upset an important design I was working on at the time for a Very important client.” Rarity stopped to take a breath, then continued.

“I was just about to lose my temper with her when she pulled a muffin out of her bag and offered it to me with that look she did so well. From then on, I knew that I wouldn’t care about what she did, as she was one of the most generous ponies that I ever met.” She then moved down the stairs and pulled her fainting couch over to her. Twilight Sparkle was next.

“Well, I haven’t been here as long as you have. But I knew Derpy. She was a fun-loving mare who helped, along with my friends, to make me come out of my shell a bit more. She worked so hard for her lone daughter, making such sacrifices. To me, that’s the only magic in the world I care about right now. Without Derpy, I don’t think Ponyville’s ever going to be the same again. But we’ll have to soldier on, for Derpy’s sake.” Twilight teleported back to her seat and started to let her tears go loose. Other ponies spoke, until the last speaker came up.

Pinkie Pie wasn’t wearing black. What she was wearing resembled a suit, but it was in bright purple and orange, with a lemon yellow tie. She wore a large, misshapen hat in the shape of a smaller Pinkie Pie on her head.

“Okie Dokie Loki! Here’s my speech thingie! I wrote it on a napkin, but it should be okay.’ Pinkie Pie unfurled a napkin covered in icing sugar and began reading.

“Just because Derpy’s dead doesn’t mean we should cry! Derpy was always smiling at something, and I don’t think she’d want us to be sad. So, let’s have a real wake for her!” With that, she produced an accordion out of her hair and began to play the ‘Pony Pokey.’ Other ponies, at first reluctantly, then merrily, started dancing. Even Twilight was ‘dancing’, for want of a better word. She’d never bothered to learn how to dance before, and was now flailing her limbs around like a maddened Gary’s Mod ragdoll, if ponies had Gary’s Mod to compare it to. Other ponies were staying well back from her hooves, fearful of an accidental concussion. Applejack and Rarity were in a heated debate over who would serve the ‘nibblies,’ as Applejack referred to them. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie had decided to prank as many ponies as they could, and Dinky showed up to the wake later, and soon got into the swing of things. An ethereal voice floated through the wake, disturbing only five ponies from their revelry.

“Well, at least they’re having fun out there.”

Derpy Hooves listened to the wake with a fond smile on her slightly transparent face. When she’d died, the mysterious chain had pulled her here on her chest. It had a hexagonal plate that attached to her chest, and no matter how hard she pushed or flew, the plate simply didn’t budge. The chain moved, though. She couldn’t travel far from the house, as the chain was tightly wrapped around it, anchoring her to her place. Derpy estimated that she could move about ten metres in any direction around her house. She didn’t mind all that much, just as long as her daughter was safe. She would watch over her little girl, no matter what. She was jolted out of her thoughts by an incredulous voice.

“D-Derpy?”

She turned around. Fluttershy was there, with her eyes red from crying. Probably about herself, she supposed.

“Hey, Fluttershy! How’s Angel going?”

“Um… he’s alright.” Fluttershy gently waved her hoof through Derpy, who for her part just looked at it. Fluttershy’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, and she stared at Derpy in horror.

“It’s okay. I’m still here, aren’t I?” Derpy just wanted to calm Fluttershy down, but Fluttershy had other ideas.

“G-GHOST!”

With that terrified statement, Fluttershy flew off to her cottage at speeds that would have impressed Rainbow Dash.

“…Did I say something wrong?”

Seiretei interlude.

The summons for the captains of the 13 Court Guard Squads had gone out as an emergency meeting for the captains.

The Head Captain sat in his customary seat in the centre of the room, with his eyes closed into slits. Some former captains had tested whether or not he was actually asleep. The key thing most captains remembered was that they were former captains, and kept their internal musings to themselves.

The captain of Squad 2, Soifon, was simply standing to attention, and glaring at the acting captain of Squad 3- its Lieutenant, Izuru Kira. The man was exhausted from doing both his paperwork and his captains due to his betrayal, and he was barely standing. Unohana was standing at ease in front of the absent place of the Squad 5 captain. Normally, Momo would be there, but due to her physical and mental condition, Unohana, who had given her the Look, forbade her to leave her bed. Every Shinigami gave it the proper respect of a capital letter when speaking about it. Next to her, Byakuya Kuchiki, the picture of noble dignity, looked impassively at the gigantic captain Sajin Komamura, anthropomorphic wolf captain of Squad Seven. Shunsui wasn’t sleeping with his eyes open, and had propped his hat out of his eyes to look at the head Captain. Shuuhei Hisagi, acting Captain of Squad 9, looked even more haggard than Kira- he’d been forced into writing about a hundred new advertisements for the Seiretei Communication, on top of his paperwork for both his captain and himself. Tōshirō Hitsugaya, the child prodigy captain of Squad 10, gave a futile glare to one of the two loosest cannons in the Seiretei- Kenpachi Zaraki, captain of Squad 11, was picking his teeth with his zanpacto, and using the sheathe as a backscratcher. Mayuri Kurotsuchi, the other loose cannon, was watching the Head Captain earnestly. The only captain not present at the meeting apart from the traitors was Jūshirō Ukitake, Captain of Squad 13, whose disease was acting up again. Instead, his two third seats were acting as witnesses for the Head Captain’s proclamation, and were for once not squabbling.

“What is the meaning of this meeting, Head Captain?” Mayuri asked the crucial question, seeing the answer as important enough to perhaps research.

“I must agree with Captain Mayuri,” stated Hitsugaya, as if the words tasted foul in his mouth, “have there been any further developments in Aizen’s invasion?” The Head Captain considered this.

“Yes. Another dimensional plane has just been opened up. I would like a small, sparable and competent investigation force to enter the area, and report any possible changes. That is all.” Mayuri started to genuinely smile at the Head Captain.

“Head Captain, I must enquire as to the nature of this new plane. Is it a spiritual plane or a physical one?”

“It is a physical plane of existence. However, I cannot tell you anything, as it is,” the Head Captain hesitated for a moment, before continuing, “unusual. The preliminary investigation will reveal whether there have been any major changes to the field, as I knew it. The plane is known as ‘Equestria.’”

The other captains mulled over the name, checking for any useless bit of trivia that seemed useful on this new world.

“I shall send my Lieutenant, Head Captain.”

All heads at the meeting turned to the normally dormant captain Byakuya Kuchiki.

“I don’t have any objections to him going out there, Old man. He’s a competent, skilled young man, who is only lacking in experience and knowledge about Kido. He’ll be fine out there. Who should be his back-up?” Shunsui’s seemingly casual drawl was nevertheless an effective jolt back to reality.

‘It’s only in case that an Espada should show up there, am I right, Old Man?” Yamamoto nodded.

“Indeed. It is better to be cautious than to risk it all. One other Captain-class Soul Reaper will be Abarai’s backup.” He looked around the assembled Soul Reaper captains. Byakuya had closed his eyes and was listening intently, a sure sign that he wasn’t going with his lieutenant. Mayuri shook his head. Soifon ignored it. Kenpachi started cleaning his fingernails with his zanpacto, apparently unconcerned with the important talk going on around him. Komamura looked uncertain. Unohana barely moved. Finally, Hitsugaya spoke.

“I’ll back up Abarai, in case of emergency.”

“Very well. Captain Kuchiki, inform Lieutenant Abarai immediately of the situation.”

Visitation part 1.

The Elements of Harmony met up at Fluttershy’s house to comfort her.

“So, Sugarcube, can ya let me get mah facts straight.” Applejack pushed her cowgirl hat up and rubbed her eye.

“You’re saying you saw a ghost.”

Fluttershy, trembling, nodded. Applejack took that as a sign to continue.

“And the ghost was Derpy, only she was chained to her house.”

Another nod.

“Listen, Fluttershy, I know you’re upset-“

“I saw her. I actually saw her! Please believe me!”

Applejack was slightly unnerved by Fluttershy’s outburst. She was usually one of the most reserved members of their small group of friends, and to actually have her speaking above her normal tone was usually a sign that she really meant what she said.

“Alright, then…” Applejack wasn’t entirely convinced, but she wanted Fluttershy to be at ease. Twilight was ecstatic at this discovery.

“But there’s been no recorded instances of ghosts existing before! This is a new discovery that could change how we view life and death!” She was bouncing around like a happy schoolfilly. She then paused, as a thought struck her.

“But I don’t think that ghosts really exist, but if I can see Derpy, then I can confirm that she exists as a ghost, if you don’t mind, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy squeaked and buried herself in her blankets.

“Alright, Fluttershy. I’m sorry about that. Really.” She looked at Rainbow Dash.

“Could you stay with Fluttershy, Rainbow? I think it’d really help her get over this.” Rainbow Dash nodded. There was no way she’d abandon a friend in need of support, even if she wanted to see if Derpy was still alive as a ghost.

“I still can’t believe that we’re in a new world! Pretty cool, huh, Captain Hitsugaya?”

“Just be quiet, Lieutenant.”

“Geez, you’re on edge today. What’s up?”

Hitsugaya glared at Renji Abarai, lieutenant of Squad 6. He was a good officer- unlike his own lieutenant, Matsumoto- and was almost full captain class, apart from his lack of skill in Kido. But he was almost annoyingly casual in his duties, like now.

“We’re in an unfamiliar plane of reality and you’re just treating it as if it was some sort of holiday, Lieutenant.” Renji just made a ‘humph’ noise and continued taking photographs with the camera that Mayuri had given him, while Hitsugaya started writing up a report for the Seiretei Communication.

This world is extremely colourful, unlike other planes, like Hueco Mundo, or the World of the Living. Everything here- the water, the grass, the trees, even the sky are brighter, as if the whole world is a Childs colouring book- almost unnatural compared to normal colours of trees and the environment in the Soul Society. The local wildlife in the forest where we first entered this new world appears to be similar to the World of the Living mythology- we saw a creature that could turn whatever living creature looked at it into stone, known as a cockatrice. We also saw what looked like manticores, huge beasts that I wouldn’t feel confident about fighting if it could see me. There was even what looked like a migration of dragons, flying overhead. After leaving the forest, we have decided to keep far away from settled areas in the distance. The closest area appears to be a small village of some sort.

Hitsugaya put his pen down. It was a start on what was going to be a long report. The small hut in front of them appeared not to hold anything hostile, but he had personally requested to the Head Captain to refuse Gigai, as if it was a physical plane, nothing normal should be able to see them. Then the door opened, and a female voice said, “Alright, girls, let’s-“ and, too late, did he realise that these beings had spiritual awareness. Then he realized what he was looking at, and stared at them, unable to believe what his senses were telling him.

Twilight, Rarity and Applejack stared at the… creatures in front of them.

The taller of the two was slightly taller than Princess Celestia, and was carrying in its forepaws some sort of leech-like creature, with a large, organic lamp. It had a strange-looking, bright red mane, pulled back into a spiky ponytail. Its brown eyes were narrower and smaller than a normal pony’s eyes, and it appeared to have no fur to speak of, and a flatter face than a pony, with no muzzle. It wore some sort of loose, black garment, tied with a white sash at the middle, with something long sheathed on its left in a brown casing.

The other one was closer to a normal pony’s height, and was similarly startled. It had a straggly, unkempt white mane, sticking upwards with a lock hanging over its face. It had large turquoise eyes, and a similarly flat face to its companion. A pen loosely dangled in its paw, over a piece of paper on the tree stump next to it. It wore the same black garment, but it wore a white, short-sleeved coat as well. A dark-green sash went over its right shoulder, with some sort of grip sticking up, with a four-pointed piece of carved wood on the end. The two parties stared at each other, trying to work out what they were seeing.  Then Pinkie Pie bounced over to the shorter one and held out her hoof.

Hitsugaya stared at the pink … pony. That was the only word he could use to describe it as. It was almost offensively pink, like the time the lieutenant of Squad 2 had worn a pink leotard on a day, which all shinigami who had witnessed it preferred to refer to as ‘The Unspoken.’ And it was holding a hoof out at him, and it was looking at him. He looked back at the hoof. It tilted its head at him in a curiously human fashion, and then it spoke.

“Silly Shinigami, you shake it!”

It speaks. And it knows what I am.

“Uhhh… Captain Hitsugaya? The pony just talked.”

The rest of the Elements of Harmony mentally backpedalled. The creatures could talk! They had assumed that these creatures could speak in their own language, as they evidently understood civilised concepts such as getting dressed. But for them to actually talk Equestrian so fluently… it was unheard of. Plenty of creatures could speak Equestrian, true. Diamond Dogs, dragons, griffins, they could all speak it, in varying degrees of fluency. But these creatures were foreign to Equestria- no mention was made in actual pony history, but there were similar creatures in pony mythology- unnamed creatures that walked on their hind legs, wore loose black clothes and could speak Equestrian.

Known as balancers.

“Oh. My. Sweet. Celestia.”

Visitation Part 2.

Renji was the first to recover.

“Hey, how can you see us? And, more importantly, how did you build that cottage without hands?” He looked affronted at the physical improbabilities it offered. To build a house you need machinery, lifting power, designs, etcetera- and the only thing that didn’t require hands to do any of that was lifting. The ponies, for their part, were still startled. Only one, a purple one with a horn on its head, seemed to be recovering.

“You’re a myth! Balancers are just a foals’ story to explain where ponies go when they die!” Twilight was furious. Not only did ghosts supposedly exist, now Balancers were here as well! The taller one looked at her strangely.

“Hey, that’s an old title for a Soul Reaper, you know.” He certainly looked the part of a balancer, right down to the tall stature. The other one finally snapped out of it. Twilight was full of questions about these unusual creatures, starting with the title, ‘Soul Reaper.’

“Soul Reaper? What’s that?” The shorter one straightened up.

“Soul Reapers maintain the balance of souls in the world of the living. We both send on souls that didn’t automatically cross over to the Soul Society, or afterlife if you’d prefer, and purify Hollows, corrupted souls that have lost their hearts. All this is to ensure that the Soul Society and the World of the Living have an equal balance of souls. That is why we were formerly known as Balancers.” Twilight started mentally recalibrating. Everything that she knew about Equestria’s afterlife had just been proven wrong.

“So, you’re not from Tartaurus?”

“Never heard of it.”

Applejack and the others finally managed to unstick their jaws.

“So how come we haven’t seen you around here before?”

The tall one considered.

“I didn’t even hear about this place until about a couple of hours before, and neither did Captain Hitsugaya.”

“Hitsugaya?” The shorter one looked annoyed at this.

“The title is CAPTAIN Hitsugaya. I already have enough to work with writing up the report up for the Seiretei Communication.”

Pinkie Pie turned to the tall one and bombarded him with questions.

“HI! WHAT’S YOUR NAME? Those tattoos look really cool, like Zecora’s stripes, and OHMIGOSH were you a zebra in your past life-“

“My name’s Renji Abarai, and I am the lieutenant of Squad Six. Captain Hitsugaya is the captain of Squad 10. We’re just here to scout out the area and write a report on it to the other captains, and protect any … pony that is in danger, and also to help souls across to the other side. And your names are…?”

“Twilight Sparkle is the purple smart one, Applejack’s the one in the cowboy hat, and Rarity’s the one on the fainting couch-“

“It is known as the reclining device for extremely sudden surprising events or statements, causing a loss of consciousness, Pinkie!”

“Exactly, a fainting couch! And I’m Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet ya! This is going to be so much fun and OHMIGOSH WE COULD HAVE A PARTY, A ‘FIRSTTIMEINTHISDIMENSION’ PARTY WITH BALLOONSANDSARSPARILLAANDCANDYANDCAKE AND-“ Applejack simply shoved a hoof in Pinkie pie’s mouth.

“So, you govern the afterlife, then?”

“I guess you could say that. We’re fairly involved in the running of the Soul Society, but we’re not the actual people making the rules.”

“So you can help Derpy out then.”

“Uhhh… who’s that?”

“She died recently, about a day ago. She’s chained to her house. Is that normal?”

Renji and Hitsugaya shook their heads.

“No. It means that she’s what we call a Jibakurei, or a soul that regrets leaving something behind in this world. It means that she’s more vulnerable to Hollows- can’t move very far from that spot at all.”

Twilight was getting fed up with the visitors, and their cryptic references and words.

“Excuse me, but what are Hollows anyway? You keep saying that they’re bad, but you haven’t even shown us one-“

A bone-chilling roar sounded in the distance, startling every pony there. Renji looked at Hitsugaya.

“A Hollow! Damn, that was quick. I really wasn’t expecting one to show up so soon.” He turned to go, but turned to the ponies.

‘If you really want to see a Hollow, come with me. It’s only down the rabbit hole from here on out.” With that, he disappeared. The Mane Six shared a glance, and then took off. Hitsugaya looked at them running off and shook his head.

“Fools. They’ll only get in the way.” He looked in the direction they were running to.

“Just stay alive, if you can.”

Twilight simply cast a mass teleportation spell on the group to speed things up. When they got there, Renji was standing, waiting for them. Behind him, the unmistakable shape of Derpy cowered at the sight of the monster in front of them.

It was tall, even taller than Renji himself. The creature was coloured a sickly green colour with bright red splotches over its body. It had huge, seven-taloned claws on long gorilla-like arms, with three legs ending in a stump. But its scariest feature was the white mask on its face, with no eyes at all, only a mouth, in which a writhing tongue sprayed blue slobber that hissed when it touched the ground.

Renji was looking bored.

‘Geez, get some mouthwash. Your breath stinks.”

“You smell good, Soul Reaper. I’ll first eat you, then that soul, and then…” It broke off from its foul thoughts to make a laugh like mouldy apples being pulped. Even its voice was disgusting- a low, moist growl filled with hunger. The four ponies stared at it with repulsion.

“Well, that’s a Hollow. Still wanna know about them?”

Shaken, Twilight shook her head. Renji started grinning. He gripped the thing in the case with his right hand. The Hollow snapped back to attention, and moved with almost impossible speed, right at Renji. Unperturbed, Renji pulled the object out of its casing, and swung it at the white mask. The creature stopped almost immediately, with its mask sliced in half, over its huge jaws.

“Impossible…”

As it said this, it started dissolving into a black mist, which soon faded away. Renji then sheathed the object.

“How did you do that?”

Renji pulled the object out and held it out. Twilight took it from him with her magic. It looked like it was made of tempered steel or iron, about three quarters as long as a pony. It had a brown grip over a gold hilt, and had a bronze, square guard with a zigzag design embossed on the top.

Immediately, Renji scrambled back in terror.

“HOW THE HELL IS SHE DOING THAT?” Rarity looked at him as if he’d grown an extra head.

“It’s known as magic. All unicorns can do it from an early age, to make up for a lack of your… claws.” Renji nodded, as if in acknowledgement.

‘I see. So, it’s a form of telekinesis, then. That explains building at least.”

“At its most basic level, yes. Other unicorns can use magic for special talents.” Renji looked confused.

“Special talents?”

“Well, you see the markings on our flanks? Those represent what we are best at in life. Once you get it, you can’t change it. You can acquire other skills through life, though. For instance, my special talent is finding gemstones, but I primarily work as a dressmaker, and use gemstones for decorations.”

“I see. It’s a bit like Shikai, then.”

“Shikai?” Before he could explain, Twilight started yelling angrily.

“GAH! DUMB… WHATEVER YOU ARE!”

Twilight was about to telekinetically throw the metal stick away when Renji plucked it back, and held it protectively like a mother guarding her foal from a madpony, which was what Twilight looked like.

“Hey, what gives?” Twilight had calmed down by now, and glared at him.

“I’ve tried every spell I know about examining inanimate objects, but it just doesn’t seem to work at all! All I know about it is that it’s quite sharp! I don’t know what its made of, or what it is- it’s an enigma!”

“Isn’t that where you put a hose up another ponies’-”?

“That’s an enema, Applejack. They do sound similar, don’t they?” Applejack just nodded faintly.

“That’s because you’re looking at it in the wrong way.” Twilight looked at him sceptically.

“How’s that?” Renji gave a fond smile to the stick before continuing.

“It’s called a zanpacto. It’s our primary weapon against the Hollows. The blade purifies its soul of any sins that it committed whilst being a Hollow, and sends them on to the Soul Society to finally rest. But they’re also alive.”

“How can they be alive? It’s just metal.”

“The reason you can’t know what it is by examining its composition is because it’s made of reishi, the same stuff your soul is made of. As a result, it has its own soul, which, if you can learn the name, becomes considerably more powerful. Ordinary people can’t see it either, as they don’t have spiritual awareness. The only reason you can see the captain and me is because you’ve got a decent amount of spiritual pressure, which’ll only draw more Hollows to you. But first, I’ve gotta send your friend on.” At this, Derpy gave a squeak and cowered away from Renji. He slowly approached her.

‘It’s okay. You’ll be fine, really. I won’t kill you.”

“But Renji… she’s alive-“

“I’m sorry, but she’s dead. She’s stayed here because there’s something she regrets leaving behind. But, with good friends like you,” he paused, and gave a smile to Derpy before continuing, “I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” Derpy looked up at him.

“If it’s family that you’re worried about, then your friends will be some of the best to look after them. And if you stay, more Hollows will come. With you gone, they’ll still come, but they won’t be hunting you. And your friends will be able to look after the Hollows. They can see them, after all.” Derpy was smiling after his speech. He looked at her.

“Alright, you’ll have fun there! Now, you should say goodbye. I’ll wait.”

Derpy nodded, then turned to Twilight.

“Look after my muffin, please. Don’t ever let her be alone.” Twilight gave her a nod. Derpy turned to Renji.

“I’m ready. I have no regrets now.” Renji held his zanpacto’s grip up to head height, and placed it gently on the centre of her forehead. A blue, luminescent seal appeared there, and Derpy slowly sank into the ground. A black and pink butterfly flew from her location, flying towards Luna’s moon. Renji nodded in approval. Hitsugaya appeared, with his paper held in his hands.

“Well handled, Abarai.”

“Thank you. Let’s go.”

“Wait just a minute! Where do you think you’re going?” Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy jumped out of the bushes.

“How long were you there for?”

“Oh, uh… we just got here.” A small rabbit poked his head out of her mane and glared at her. She wilted.

‘”Well, we were here the whole time. That was… beautiful.”

“What’re your names?”

“I’m Rainbow Dash, and this is Fluttershy! That was cool, with the whole killing that monster thing. You do that all the time?”

“Well, I used to. Now it’s mostly paperwork and a few big battles now and then.”  Hitsugaya glared at Renji pointedly.

“Renji, I’ve finished the preliminary reports. Let’s go.”

Renji looked reluctant, but nodded. He pulled the stick out and pointed it in front of him.

‘Now, OPEN!”

He stabbed the air, sinking his sword in to something invisible. He turned it a quarter turn, and then drew it back. A strange door made of paper and wood appeared in thin air.

“We can’t take you back over without permission, so sorry about that. I’ll try to find your friend. Shouldn’t be that hard, as she’s kinda hard to miss.”

With those passing words, he and Hitsugaya departed.