Twilight Sparkle Negotiates With A Locomotive

by Vertigo22

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Random
Length: 1664

Twilight Sparkle negotiates with a 20th Century Limited Express Passenger Locomotive

After barreling through Ponyville and seemingly proclaiming itself as mayor of the town, Twilight Sparkle must negotiate with her greatest foe yet.

A Twentieth Century Limited Express Passenger Locomotive.

Edited by James Fire.

Published 2017-10-29 23:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2017-10-29 23:30:04 UTC

CHOO CHOO!

City Hall in Ponyville was a place that rarely crossed the minds of the majority of the residents. That was primarily due to the fact that life in the quaint little town was (normally) peaceful and the mayor of the town rarely imposed anything that one could perceive as warranting a harsh reaction.

Or a revolt if you were the local pitchfork vendor.

“Choo choo!”

However, that description of Ponyville couldn't quite be used now. An hour ago, sure, but now?

“CHOO CHOO!”

Now the town was under the tyrannical rule of a Twentieth Century Limited Express Passenger Locomotive. Or, as the gigantic neon sign that adorned the outside of what little remained of City Hall said: Home of the Most Famous Train in the World.

It had been roughly an hour since the train barreled out from the Everfree Forest, doing quite the job of tearing up the lush green grass, and into the office of Mayor Mare, where it wasted no time in proclaiming itself as the head of the town. Its first order of business was to…

“Chugga, chugga! Chooooo!”

Do whatever that would translate into if you somehow spoke train. Which, luckily, Twilight Sparkle happened to be capable of. It was all thanks to a book she found alongside the one that allowed her to speak in the native tongue of crab grass.

And crabs in general.

“But sir! We can't just get rid of the local train!” Twilight protested. She was significantly more composed than the other onlookers; no thanks to the various anti-anxiety pills she had taken prior to arriving on the scene of the coup.

“CHOOOOO!” The train blasted out a hefty amount of steam, which filled some of the room and caused the other onlookers to flee. It lurched forward as only a locomotive could and came within inches of Twilight. The window on the behemoth of a vehicle glistened from the light that pierced through the opening behind Twilight; which the train had made when it first arrived. The plow that had nearly assisted in turning her into the sloppy joe equivalent of a purple pony was covered in dirt, debris, and cake—courtesy of Pinkie Pie, who figured the train was hungry.

As for Twilight? She leaped back and hid behind a table. “O-okay, I get it!” she said. Her voice had reached new levels of fearful. Her fear was afraid, and that fear was afraid. She wasn't sure if her fears fears fear was afraid, but she was sure it wouldn't take long for that to happen—and she wasn't too keen on finding out about what would happen.

The train, on the other hand, cared not for its guest’s terror. Rather, it wanted two things.

Passengers and a railroad.

“Choo choo! Chugga!” The train said with the will of a tiger and the power of a jazz singer. Yes, this train was trained in the art of speaking and dang it, it was gonna convince Twilight that it was the best train. Ever. No other train could pull off the slick grey color that it sported. The beautiful brass, the medium-sized smoke stack…

It was one-of-a-kind and it deserved to transport ponies!

“I'm sorry, Mister Train!” Twilight poked her head out from behind the table. “But there are rules that one must abide by and I cannot allow you to just take over as the main train! You have to go through the legal process and that means meeting with Princess Celestia, negotiating work hours, and showing that you're worthy of even entering Canterlot! Do you know what happened to the last train who just entered Equestria and took over?”

“Chugga.”

“No, it didn't become main train,” Twilight deadpanned. “It derailed and hit a cookie shop because it decided to drink petrol the previous night.”

“CHOOOOOO!” The train sent out another burst of steam and turned the remnants of City Hall into a sauna. One could argue that Twilight appreciated this.

Twilight's lungs would say otherwise.

“Will you knock that off!?” Twilight screamed after she stopped coughing—which was longer than she'd like to admit. Conservative estimates are the same amount of time it'd take for her to organize her books. “You could've seriously hurt me!”

The train remained silent. One could only assume it was because it felt remorse for nearly suffocating Twilight. Others could assume it was because it was silently mocking her. The train dared not break its poker face though. It instead loomed menacingly from its position. Eventually, it made a move. Well, as much of a move as a train could make when it wanted to taunt a purple horse that was hiding.

It dragged itself across the floor. The wheels screeched on the floor as the train sluggishly made its way towards Twilight, who swore that her eardrums were going to explode. She struggled to set up a sound proof barrier, which she eventually did!

And roughly ten seconds later, the locomotive stopped a few inches from her.

“Oh…” Twilight dropped the barrier. Reality hit her like an asteroid as she came to terms with the fact that it took her several minutes to focus enough so she could cast that barrier. A great deal of shame filled her, but she shook it off. She had more pressing matters to focus on!

“Choo!”

And the most pressing of those matters didn't seem to like her self-loathing very much.

“Chooooooo!”

At all.

“No, I haven't forgotten about you!” Twilight snapped. She looked up at the train and narrowed her eyes. “Is there any way we could negotiate your position as our back-up train?”

“Choo.” The train shook slightly; as though it shook its head.

Twilight sighed. She tapped her chin until an idea came to her mind.
“What if we built another railway to Fillydelphia?” she asked. “We could have you run along that one!”

The train was silent for a bit, presumably deep in thought. Or it had run out of fumes. Deep inside her, Twilight hoped it was the latter. She was ready to turn the thing into several piles of twisted metal.

“Chugga.”

Alas, those hopes, like most, were dashed. The train shook itself again and moved slightly closer to Twilight. By now, the two of them were but a few inches from the wall. Had it not been for the immense amount of debris, the screams of those outside, and the fact that one of them was a train, someone who looked into the mayor's office could say that Twilight had become a part of the world's most ridiculous sandwich.

“Okay, look!” Twilight flew up and fluttered in front of the train’s windshield. “What if I go talk to Celestia about this? Perhaps she can arrange for you to take over our main railway.”

The train once again went deathly silent—and for quite some time as Twilight eventually fluttered down onto the ground and looked up at the beast of a vehicle. However, before she could leave, the train started up again. “Choo. Choo. CHOO!” It started up its engine and prepared to take off to… somewhere. It had no conductor, passengers, or rails. It did have a caboose, which it was thankful for.

“No! I will not allow you to forcefully become Equestria's primary train on your own accord!” Twilight snapped. “You will abide by our laws and that's final!”

It became apparent to Twilight rather quickly that telling a train that to follow the law was stupid. Especially when that train had already torn up parts of her home town. In the blink of an eye, Twilight watched as the train careened past her and decimated the wall that she had been hugging.

And the wall in the hallway.

And the walls of the adjacent buildings.

And every other building it decided to tear through.

Because it's a train.

Twilight remained motionless for some time. It was hard to process what had just happened. Diplomacy wasn't always her favorite thing, but she went into this expecting it to be simple. Why exactly, she couldn't figure out. Perhaps it was because the other entity was a train. Regardless, she eventually found it in herself to pursue the rogue vehicle, which she found on the other side of town thanks to the trail of carnage it was kind enough to leave behind.

That and the billowing smoke that it emitted from its stack.

However, before Twilight had time to land and try to negotiate with the rampaging train, a beam of magic struck it. The train then stopped and, within a few seconds, shrunk to the size of a toy.

Twilight tilted her head. She landed beside the train and looked down at it.

“Ah, so that's where my train went,”

Twilight turned her head. Behind her, and with a cheerful look on his face, was Discord. He picked up the train and sent it away.

“I hope it wasn't too much of a hassle,” Discord said. “I guess I accidentally used a little spell and he got loose.”

Twilight's eye twitched. A strand of her mane went rogue, not unlike the train, but without the part about the town nearly being leveled and turned into the setting for the next Fallout game. “How… how did it get loose?”

“What? Don't you have a favorite toy that you go everywhere with?” Discord asked indignantly. “I've had this train since I was a little Draconequus. I was out on the Everfree Forest and dropped him when picking berries for Fluttershy.”

“And why did it take you so long to get here?”

“Well, I heard you were negotiating with the train,” Discord said. “So, I figured I'd let you try and calm it down before I intervened. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some punch to make!”

Twilight watched as Discord teleported away. Shortly thereafter, she did the only thing that felt logical.

She fell onto her back and looked up at the sky.