Oh No! My Friends are All Too Pretty!
"That's perfect, Pinkie! The boutique has never looked friendlier!" Rarity called to her friend as Pinkie tied off a clump of balloons she'd attached to one of the overhangs. The balloons were bright earth colors in keeping with the spring sale promotion that Rarity was launching.
"Nothing like some balloons to help a pony feel welcome!" Pinkie said as she bounced down the ladder to the ground. She joined Rarity a small distance away from the boutique so that she could fully appreciate the extensive decorations they had applied. They were already bringing some fashion-minded mares.
"I really can't thank you enough for your help," Rarity said.
"Come on, what are friends for if theeeeeeeyy..." Pinkie trailed off as she turned to look at Rarity. Beyond the fact Rarity was making one of the mildly flirtatious faces that were almost involuntary when she was expressing gratitude, Pinkie was especially surprised. There was practically a halo of light that gleamed from Rarity's immaculate mane, her eyelashes were truly fetching, and her milky white fur reminded Pinkie of the most delectable whipped cream and white chocolate she'd ever tasted.
"Is something wrong?" Rarity asked after Pinkie's open-mouthed stare became slightly uncomfortable.
"No no no!" Pinkie Pie said, shaking her head but not averting her gaze at all. "Rarity, you're really beautiful!"
"Oh, Pinkie, flattery will get you nowhere!" Rarity said with a chuckle and a mild blush. It only made her more alluring to Pinkie and her eyes glazed over slightly.
"No, really, you're the most gorgeous pony I've ever seen! Honest!" Rarity's blush intensified.
"Well, thank you for the compliment on top of all your help, but, um, I have customers I really must see to. We can discuss beauty tips later." Rarity trotted into the boutique. Pinkie didn't even blink until her beautiful friend disappeared from view. Then she did and shook her head.
"Well that was weird," Pinkie said. But then she shrugged. "Eh, it's just one of those things, I guess."
A little while later, Pinkie encountered Fluttershy as the pegasus was rounding a corner, hauling a cart piled high with various types of feed for her many pets.
"Hey Flutters, would you like some help with that load? Looks heavier than Twilight's reading." Pinkie asked.
"Hello Pinkie! I'm fine, thank you," Fluttershy said as she stopped for some crossing traffic at an intersection. She cocked her head in a slight shrug as she turned to her friend. "It can look heavy, but it's not so bad. Especially after I took the cart in for an axle greasing. Say, they're running a special on axle grease over at Nancy's Cartwrights, maybe the Cakes should see if their wagon could do with a tune up!"
Pinkie Pie wasn't listening. The sound of Songbird Serenade's hit "Why Do Pegasi Suddenly Appear" played in Pinkie's mind as everything around Fluttershy's face melted away into a pink void and Fluttershy's face became soft focus. Her face was perfectly framed by her soft mane, her smile was the sweetest sight Pinkie had ever seen, and her turquoise eyes were pools that reminded Pinkie of all the joy she'd felt down at Ponyville Pond, which raised her spirits even higher.
"I could look at you all day," Pinkie said suddenly. Fluttershy blinked and looked away.
"Uh, that's nice, Pinkie, but I've got to go. Bye." Fluttershy trotted away a little faster than she had previously. Pinkie shook her head again and knocked herself on the side of her head with a forehoof.
"What in Equestria is going on?" Pinkie asked herself. "Well, two times is just a coincidence."
"Hey Pinkie!" a familiar voice called from the air. Pinkie looked up as Rainbow Dash slowly descended from seemingly right above her. "I heard there's a some new ponies that just moved into South Ponyville. Wanna break 'em in with some friendly pranks?"
Pinkie marveled at the angelic vision that landed next to her. The spectrum of colors in her mane that shone in the sunlight, the taut muscles, the majestic wings that left her mane fluttering and sent wisps cascading in front of her face. She even smelled of spring rains and the fresh invigorating air high above Ponyville. Sweat broke out on Pinkie's brow and she had to bite her lower lip.
"Can't talk now! You're too beautiful!" Pinkie said quickly before taking off like a shot towards Sweet Apple Acres. Rainbow Dash's face seemed to twist in confusion.
"'Beautiful?' Me?" she asked the empty air behind Pinkie.
At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was out tending to her trees and clearing out the rotten fruit that had been overlooked during the previous harvest. Pinkie seemed to appear out of nowhere right next to her.
"Applejack! I need to look at you!"
"Gah!" a startled Applejack said, but she looked at Pinkie Pie. Pinkie's pupils dilated when she saw the way the perspiration glistened off Applejack's face, her ponytail flying in front of her face as a result of her jumping back from her friend's sudden arrival. The blotches of dirt on her face kept her face from looking too perfect, which oddly made her look even more gorgeous to Pinkie Pie.
"Just what I was afraid of!" Pinkie Pie yelled. Behind Applejack, Big Mac strode into view, curious what all the commotion was about. Pinkie Pie's pupils immediately returned to normal. "Well, at least you don't really do it for me. Bye!" Pinkie Pie sprinted away without another word. Applejack stared at her departing friend, then looked back at Big Mac when she felt his eyes on her back. She scoffed.
"Oh, don't act like ya'll ain't got some weird friends too!"
"Eyup!" Big Mac said with a mischievous grin.
Twilight Sparkle was engrossed in The Black Stallion in her castle's study when Pinkie Pie's face appeared between her face and the pages she was so intently studying.
"Twilight!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "HELP!" Even though the back of the chair was twice as tall as Twilight Sparkle herself, Pinkie's sudden appearance caught Twilight so off guard that she was clinging to the top of it a second after Pinkie yelled at her. She growled in annoyance before carefully climbing down.
"First I'll need you to tell me what you need help with," Twilight Sparkle grumbled as she looked at Pinkie with an annoyed but still mild glare. But to Pinkie, it was the most fetching, captivating glare she'd ever been given. There was a sternness to Twilight's face that her bangs accentuated and turned into a challenging expression that made Pinkie want so much to please her princess friend. Pinkie's heart had already been racing from all the running around, but this made it threaten to burst from her chest.
"Oh no! Even you!" Pinkie Pie said.
"What?" Twilight asked.
"I can't explain, you're too beautiful!" Pinkie said. She darted away, and then came back with a paper bag that she put over Twilight Sparkle's head. Twilight Sparkle was perfectly still.
"Ever since I finished helping Rarity at her boutique this afternoon," Pinkie Pie belatedly began to explain, "All of my bestest best friends have been looking so pretty! Too pretty! Everything looked so romantic when I looked at Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack's face that I got all gooey inside and I could barely think! I wanted to cover you all with hugs and kisses, and not just because I like you!"
"I see," a clearly seething Twilight said from under her bag. She threw her head back, then tossed the bag slightly into the air. She poked eye holes in the bag then punctured the bag with her horn. Through the holes Pinkie could see Twilight's glare, but that little of her face was enough that Pinkie could look at her without getting doe-eyed. "Wait a second, what did you mean by 'even me' when you were saying we're all beautiful?"
"Oh, you're not about that! Rarity clearly cares a lot about her appearance, Fluttershy and Applejack spend hours brushing their hair, Rainbow Dash wants everyone to think she looks cool. But with that mane, you clearly aren't about your appearance! You're about intellect, doing the right thing, and stuff like that! That's why you're the only one that could help me!" Twilight Sparkle glared for a long moment, but then she sighed.
"Guess I can't be too offended that you're complimenting me, kind of," Twilight said. "But why is it a problem that you think ponies all look way better than normal?"
"It's not all ponies, just you five!" Pinkie said while tapping her hoof on Twilight's chest. "You're my fun friends, not my beautiful girlfriends! I wouldn't be able to juggle having five girlfriends! I'm too much of a party pony to settle down with a special someone! And even if I were mature enough to have a relationship with one, that would mean that I'm saying one means more to me than the others, and that's just not true!" Pinkie's odd problem softened Twilight's disposition.
"Alright, Pinkie!" The then clopped her forehooves together. "Let's start researching!"
Having gone through dozens of volumes before carefully reshelving them, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie sighed together.
"I guess there's not a known cure for suddenly crushing on all your closest friends," Twilight Sparkle said.
"We can't give up now!" Pinkie said with a moan. "I can't have it always be awkward when I'm with my closest friends!"
"I wasn't giving up," Twilight said, placing a hoof against the paper bag under her chin. "Oh wait, I think I have an idea who would have pranked you with a spell like this."
"Who?"
"Yo, Discord!" Twilight Sparkle said after galloping over to the map and pressing the speed dial. In seconds Discord appeared over her.
"Oh, Twilight, I must say you've never looked better!" the demigod said after looking down at her.
"Ha ha," Twilight Sparkle said. "I'm not accusing you of anything, but if you are behind it, I'm calling you out on it."
In a flash of magic Twilight was sitting in a judge's stand with a gavel next to her while Discord was sitting at a table in an orange jumpsuit and his front legs in handcuffs while a clone of himself in a lawyer's suit sat next to him.
"What horrible crime are you falsely convicting me of now? What travesty of justice are you performing now?"
"I knew you were going to do this," Twilight said while pushing the judge's wig off her head. "Anyway, did you cast a love spell on Pinkie Pie to make it so she developed a crush on all of us?" All the court room props disappeared in another puff of magic as Discord crossed his arms at his pony friends.
"What? Casually casting love spells? Who do you think I am, Princess Cadance!?" Her turned his head away from them indignantly.
"Hey!" Twilight Sparkle said at the dig at her sister-in-law.
"Is for horses, but I'm sure you already read all about that in one of your books." Discord said while keeping his eyes closed.
"We were just checking," Pinkie Pie said, hanging her head in disappointment. "Thanks for stopping by." Discord peeked at Pinkie Pie and her dour face. That would never do, so he waved his claw hand in consideration.
"Well, perhaps it's Queen Chrysalis's doing," he suggested. "Sounds like something that overgrown bug would do."
"No, her powers are about stealing love, not being able to create it." Twilight Sparkle said.
"Fair enough," Discord said. He looked at Pinkie Pie again. "I may... know a cure for in sudden fatuation from a few thousand years ago that I never told any pony. After all, if I can cause so much chaos, I can also cure cases of it."
"Does it also cure friendship?" Twilight asked, her tone more worried than suspicious. Discord held up a paw in a solemn promise with his most serious expression.
"I swear on Fluttershy's happiness that it does no harm whatsoever to friendship, may I be turned back to stone if it does!" Twilight glanced over to her friend. Pinkie Pie sighed and stepped closer to Discord.
"If it's the only way to get over getting twitterpated every time I look at my friends, I've got to try it," Pinkie Pie said in resignation. "Go ahead, Discord."
"Mm hm, good to know some ponies trust my good intentions," Discord said. Twilight rolled her eyes. Discord spread his limbs wide, and a great beam of blue light stretched between them. After pulsating a few times, the light formed into a column that engulfed Pinkie Pie. The earth pony was raised into the air while slowly rotating.
"Pinkie?" Rarity's voice came from outside Twilight's study.
"We talked about how you're finding us beautiful," Rainbow Dash said. "And, it's kind of weird for me anyway, but if we work together, we can get through this!"
"We've all had to deal with unrequited crushes before," Fluttershy said as they entered.
"Ah don't mind if ya- What in tarnation!?" Applejack said at the great blue spell.
"Discord's trying to get rid of her crushes, details later." Twilight explained, not wanting to break Discord's concentration. As all five of her friend's looked on in worry, a red light emanated from Pinkie Pie's chest. After a few moments, the strain beginning to show on Discord's face, the light faded away. Slowly, she drifted back down to the ground, Discord's magic gently setting down on her hooves, facing away from everyone.
"Pinkie? How do you feel?" Twilight asked, taking the bag off her head. Slowly, Pinkie turned round to her friends, looking at all of them in turn.
"It worked!" Pinkie screamed in joy. "You all look nice and you're still my dear friends, but I don't feel like jabbering while I look at you! This is so great, everything is back to..."
Pinkie's pony friends weren't listening. Staring at Pinkie's radiant beauty, all of their pupils and turned into pink hearts as their jaws went slack and their tongues rolled out. They began to stalk towards her.
"Oh no!" Pinkie yelled before turning and running out the nearest exit. Her five friends all went tearing after her, begging their friend to stop, praising her divine facade, and leaving Discord alone in the study. He slapped his forehead.
"Ah, I completely forgot," Discord told himself. "It comes with a few hours of spreading the crush to the object of affection and doubling its intensity! Silly me. Well, Discord out."
THE END
