Chapter 7: The Answers I Seek.

Twilight Sparkle had to get down to her royal library and see if there was any knowledge of this ever happening to any pony before, perhaps it wasn't just her. Of course Spike was right by her side. She wasn't about to waste another previous second. She often wondered why Celestia had chose her to be the new ruler of Equestria, sure she had come a long way, from the pony she had used to be, but this? She wasn't sure any pony could handle this. Then a thought occurred to her...had Celestia gone through a similar thing when she first started ruling? Perhaps it was all part of becoming a leader? She hoped her books would lead her to some answers. She was desperate to know that she wasn't alone in her trials. She was tired, so sick and exhausted of being alone. Her friends...she needed them and without them what was she? Without her friends, she was just another pony, no pony special, and the thought stung her worse than most villains she had faced.

“Twilight...” began Spike. “You aren't alone, even when I'm not around, I'm always with you, right here.” Spike smiled as he pointed towards her heart.

Twilight Sparkle couldn't help but smile slightly towards him.

“Oh Spike.” replied Twilight wrapping a hoof around him and nuzzling against his head softly. He always did know just what to say to cheer her up. They had this, together they would figure it out, and then she would no longer have to be alone. She hated it, she hated not having her friends with her. She had felt so alone and so lost, she would usually consult to Celestia for advice, but she couldn't really do that. Celestia had moved on, to who knows where, and for once she had to rely on her own instincts and judgements.

Twilight took a deep breath when she arrived in front of her old castle. She couldn't help but smile at it, she had remembered hating this place, but thanks to the aid of her friends, it had finally felt like home. Maybe that was something she'd have to do with the new castle at Canterlot, have memories of her past there so that she could then go and make new memories, better than the memories she had been making recently...She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath holding it for a few seconds, before releasing it. She had to relax, and not overreact. She didn't want to hurt any pony, espicially not her friends. There had to be answers somewhere in her library. She opened the doors to the castle and walked inside. She could already hear Trixie in the distance.

“The great and powerful Trixie, is getting even greater at magic! All thanks to Starlight's wonderful teaching. Oh Starlight, how can I ever thank you?” smiled Trixie as she wrapped her hooves around Starlight.

“Just keep practicing and don't get distracted so easily, that's the best thanks you could do.” replied Starlight Glimmer.

Twilight Sparkle walked in to see the cutie map right where it always had been for as long as she could remember. She couldn't help but smile every so slightly. She sure did miss this place. It just wasn't the same in that boring castle, and oh and for celestia's sake, those guards were beginning to drive her mad!

“Hey Starlight, how have you been?” asked Spike casually.

“Oh you know, same old, same old. What about you two? How's life as the leader of Equestria going? Is it everything you ever dreamed of?” questioned Starlight as she looked towards Twilight, a look of true concern for her teacher on her hues.

It was good to see Starlight, she truly had come such a long way, since the days of her little town in the middle of nowhere. Now here she was, teaching others about friendship, she had even managed to teach Twilight a lesson she wouldn't soon forget. Twilight almost for a split second, forgot the reason she had come here in the first place. She hurried over towards the bookshelves, and began to use her alicorn magic to quickly shuffle through book after book until she had quite a few piles of them surrounding her. Hmm...perhaps this one?

She began reading, but quickly realized it wasn't helping. She went to book, after book, after book. She looked and looked but it seemed nothing would help. She was getting just a little frustrated as she let out a neigh of exhaustion, and hoofpalmed when she came to a relaxation. The castle of the two sisters! Surely...there had to be something there that could give her the answers she sought. She quickly turned on her tail as she yelled over towards Spike.

“Come on Spike, I have an idea.” she giggled excitedly. She couldn't wait to get back to the castle of the two sisters, it seemed like forever since she had been there.

Spike had been casually talking to Starlight, when he heard Twilight call him. “Coming!” he spoke as he ran his little tail over to meet with her.

“None of my current books seem to have anything that could help, so I'm thinking I'm due another trip to the castle of the two sisters.” smiled Twilight as she clapped her hooves together. She did quite love to go there casually and read more of Celestia's journal, but this time she was hoping to find an answer to her current situation. She wasn't crazy...she wasn't about to believe it. It was just stress right? She did have a bad habit of freaking out over nothing, like the time she had forgot to send Celestia a letter. She had just about gone crazy that day. She knew this time wasn't like then, she had learned a lot since then.

“Alright, let's get going then.” smiled Spike in return. It seemed like she was back to herself, but he couldn't help but hestiate a bit. He was nervous about being alone with her again, of what might happen. He didn't let it show, he wouldn't let her down. He was her number one assistant and he didn't take that role lightly, he was going to make sure she was okay. He desperately wanted the old Twilight back, compared to the one he had seen early. The one whom didn't even listen when he cried out in pain because he wasn't a changeling. He took a deep breath before following by Twilight's side.

Twilight Sparkle knew this had to be hard on Spike, concerning what she had done...but she would make it up to him somehow. She wasn't sure quite how yet, but she wanted Spike to know that she loved him more than he knew. He had always been with her, she couldn't let him down.

The path itself wasn't nearly as intimiating as the first time she had tracked her hooves through these sacred old woods. Danger was always around, heck Ponyville was attacked by a bug bear that one time. She wasn't scared or nervous, and she was more relaxed because she Spike by her side. She knew he would always be there for her, just as she wanted to always be there for him. She stopped in her tracks, turning hoof to look towards Spike.

“Spike...I'm truly sorry about what happened.” began Twilight as she closed her eyes, ears flattening towards the ground. Why? Why had she done such a thing? And why couldn't she remember it? She then felt a claw on her shoulder. She glanced towards Spike, looking rather desperate and a bit depressed.

“Twilight...please don't think about that now. It's in the past. We have to focus on now, getting information, and finding answers. Who knows better than you how to find an answer when it seems impossible? Come on Twilight. We can do this, I know we can.” spoke Spike, trying to encourage her. He wanted her to know that he wasn't going anywhere, and he wasn't giving up on her. Not this Twilight, this was the Twilight he wanted to so desperately cling too. To hope against all odds, that other thing wouldn't come to the surface once more.

“Spike...thank you. I'm sorry. I just felt so lost. It was like I didn't even know what I was doing. Your right though, we need to focus on the present, and right now I couldn't be happier than to be right here with you by my side.” replied Twilight Sparkle. She felt renewed in a way, and if it wasn't for Spike here with her, she wasn't sure she'd feel this way. This certain sense of calmness that washed over her. She would usually lean on her friends for support but she didn't want to hurt anyone else, so she had to do this mostly on her own, but she was glad for Spike's assistance, despite his fear, he was still right there by her side. It made her smile towards him softly.

Twilight Sparkle continued on forward, after all it wouldn't help her any to simply sit in the Everfree forest. She would have to take a visit to Zecora on her way back, and see if she had anything new and interesting for her to further study. She hummed herself a little tune as she walked, occasionally looking to be sure she wasn't going too far ahead of Spike. Of course she was weary that the Everfree forest was filled with mystery, but that had never stopped her from going to the castle for further visits.

Twilight Sparkle made the descend down the stairway, followed by Spike. The winds seemed revantly calm, and it was eerily quiet, especially for the Everfree Forest, she couldn't help but wonder why it was so quiet, but she didn't pay much mind to it. She hurried on into the castle.

The castle really hadn't changed that much, it was still pretty well demolished, she and her friends had done a bit to make it more livinable than it had been before. Twilight began to pour through book after book. She was bound to find something. She didn't care how long it took, or how long she had to be here in order to find an answer, she wasn't leaving until she knew she was normal. She wasn't crazy....she wasn't crazy...she wasn't crazy...or was she? She sighed heavily, as she continued reading.

Spike on the other hoof was gathering more books from the higher bookshelves for Twilight to look through. Spike wasn't much of a reader himself, unless it was about heros. He sure did love those kinds of books, but the books Twilight usually read weren't ones he was really interested in. He sure hoped for both their sakes that Twilight would be okay, but he did wonder what had caused her such distress. Was it simply the fact she was the ruler of all Equestria and she was cracking under the pressure of knowing she had the whole of Equestria in her hoofs? He wasn't sure. What he was sure of was that he would be here for her, no matter what happened, even if that other Twilight returned. He wouldn't leave her, but he couldn't help but tremble at the thought of losing the Twilight he knew and loved again. He wasn't sure he could handle it, so he had to do his best to prevent it. Spike glanced down to Twilight, whom was pouring herself in her books. Heh. He couldn't help but admire how hard she worked, when faced with a problem. She would do all she could to find answers, and he admired her for that.

“Spike! I think I've found something.” shouted Twilight excitedly.

Spike hurried down from the ladder he had been standing on, and dropped down by Twilight, eager to see what she had discovered.

“I intentionally thought I might find something in Celestia's journal and I was right.” clapped Twilight.

“Oh? What did you find?” questioned Spike glancing over the pages she had opened to, he began reading.

It is within my best interest and to all my citizens to write down what I have found, being a leader it isn't easy. You will likely come across this yourself my young sister, but there are many burdens I have beared, that I cannot share. I would not want you to feel this amount of pressure, nor would I ask you to take it. I hope sister, that someday you can see why I distanced myself, I never meant for things to go this far. Truly, I am sorry.”

It's clearly written from Celestia to Luna, but I don't know if Luna ever even read this journal. What do you think Spike?

“Honestly, seems like being a ruler is hard work. I can only imagine what Ember is going through right about now.”

“Oh don't worry Spike, she'll be just fine, after all she had a good teacher.” smiled Twilight softly.

“Aww, shucks, you really mean that?” asked Spike.

“Of course I do. She wouldn't be a good ruler if you hadn't shown her how to rely on others, and show her it wasn't just every dragon for herself. You would have made a good dragon Lord but I'm glad you chose to stay with us, Rarity and I, we were really worried about you.”

“You shouldn't have worried, I knew what I was doing.” replied Spike. “You trust my judgement right?”

“Of course I do, why ever would you ask that?”

“Because...the other Twilight didn't listen to me, she didn't believe me when I said I wasn't a changling, so I have to know you trust me or else I might...worry about you.” explained Spike.

“I'm still sorry about that.” replied Twilight. She wasn't sure how many times she could appoligize but each time she was just left with that feeling of unease and tension. She didn't want to hurt any pony, she didn't want to be that other Twilight, but for a brief moment she wondered if perhaps there was no way to avoid it. She might not find an answer she might have to live with knowing that she could hurt her friends at any second and she just couldn't live like that. She knew she had to find answers and normally, she'd seek Celestia's advice but she couldn't.

Perhaps she had relied too heavily on Celestia's teachings and advice. She would have to make her own judgements now. Sometimes she would mess up, and she may make mistakes but as long as she kept a level head, and remembered all she had learned, she wouldn't go crazy. At least that was her hope. Truthfully, she wasn't sure at this point, even the library hadn't provided too much of an anwser. Twilight couldn't help but feel like a burden, why? Why did this have to happen? Why had Celestia chosen her? She must have known she could handle it, then why did she feel like she was literally falling apart, she once again, felt a claw upon her shoulder, but this time, the claw pulled her frame towards him, and embraced her in a soft and comforting embrace.

“Twilight, you aren't weak. No matter how much you feel like nothing, you are everything. You have proven beyond a doubt that you are worthy of being a Princess, and Celestia's student. You are Twilight Sparkle, and the whole of Equestria believes in you, so don't you go giving up now. Come on Twilight, we can do this, I know we can, because I know the real you.” spoke Spike. Twilight just sobbed, as she held onto him. She just didn't know, where to go from here. She felt so lost. She'd give almost anything to be able to speak with Celestia again. What was ascending anyways? She wasn't about to try to correphend it, but she did wish she could understand it, but she doubted there was much knowledge of it. She calmed herself down, as she held onto Spike. She looked towards Spike, and wondered what he would do in her situation. She needed to make a list. Analyze her situation, read all she could, and then solve the problem. She knew exactly what she needed to do, just not how to get to where she needed or even wanted to be, which in turn left her in such a confused state of uncertainly. Twilight Sparkle was the Princess of Friendship, she had faced much harder things before. She could do this...she could do this. She looked towards Spike with a slight smile.

“You're right Spike. I just lost my focus. Now let's keep digging.” replied Twilight as she poured herself once more into her research and knowledge that had been left here just for her own benefit.

Spike couldn't help but watch her as she went from book, to book, after book. He couldn't help but sit there and wonder what he could do to help her. He knew she wanted answers, but maybe it wasn't a book that had those answers. She needed to talk to an actual pony, but he was the only one here. When he had been on the verge of becoming the Dragon Lord, he knew he would have to sacfrice his home of Ponyville for the greater good, but Spike didn't want to see Ponyville ruled by someone like Garble. He was willing to give up being able to see his friends, if it meant Ponyville would be safe from the threat of the dragons. He knew what Twilight needed, something that had been on his mind for awhile now. He carefully went up to her, not wanting to startle her, as he tapped her on her back.

“Twilight...” began Spike hesitantly. He felt a drop of sweat running down his brows as he began to speak.

“Yes, Spike?” questioned Twilight, listening to him eagerly.

“You are nervous, about being a leader and well, I was too. I was terrified I would never get to see my friends again, but knowing what could happen, I had to make a choice. I had to choose what was best for Ponyville. It's up to you, to decide what's best for Equestria, it may mean giving up certain things like living in Ponyville, and getting to see your friends as much as you used too, it doesn't mean you have to change who you are. You are Twilight Sparkle, and only you can do this, because you know what's best, the difference of right and wrong. I'm only sorry, I didn't realize this sooner.” spoke Spike.

“Oh...Spike.” replied Twilight wrapping her hooves around him. Spike returned the embrace tenderly. Perhaps things were beginning to look up.

Why hadn't she realized it too? What had blinded her? She kept pacing back and forth in the castle for a good half hour, before looking back towards Spike. She wondered if Celestia had gone through the same thing, is that why she had written in that journal, and appoligized to Luna for her actions? Perhaps...but she still wasn't sure. Though one thing she was sure of, she wasn't crazy. All of this was totally normal for one to go through when becoming a leader, that gave her a certain amount of relief and eased her mind.

Author's Note

It took awhile, I know but I finally got around to writing this chapter. I am only sorry it took this long, but I do hope you are all enjoying the story. Also, if you aren't following me, I'm going to be going for Surgery on March 8th so I'm not sure when the next update will be, but it will most likely be the last chapter. I am really proud of how much I was able to do with this concept but it's nearing it's conclusion, I just wanted to thank all of you who gave it a chance and decided to read it. Let me know in the comments, what you might like to see in the future!