The Short-Lived Life of Woolter Mitty

by Vertigo22

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1098

Princess Luna summons the prehistoric beast known as the Woolly Mammoth.

Upset that she lacks a pet of adequate fluffiness, Princess Luna summons a Woolly Mammoth.

Edited by James Fire!

Published 2017-11-21 22:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-21 22:20:06 UTC

No, Really, It's Short

Princess Celestia stared in awe at the sight in front of her. Sure, the throne room was something she saw each and every day—not to mention her sister, who had quite possibly the happiest face imaginable. In fact, one could argue that it put the smile she had after she was reformed to shame.

Thud

Thud

However, the source of her awe was the gigantic mammal that Luna sat atop. It was covered in brown fur, had a trunk the size of a small tree, and tusks that could spit-roast her and her sister.

“Hello, sister!” Luna said from atop The beast. She flew off of it and landed softly in front of her sister. “What do you think of my Mammoth?”

Celestia remained silent for a few seconds; still mesmerized by the prehistoric beast. Eventually though, she found it within herself to ask a question that one normally would ask when confronted with a land mammal that could turn oneself into a pancake.

“Luna, what did you do and why did you do it?”

Luna rolled her eyes. She knew her sister would ask something like this, and she didn't like it. Mainly because it meant that her sister disliked what she'd done. Like the time she got herself a minotaur to set up the Nightmare Night hedge maze. Alas, she knew she had to answer her sister.

And so she did as only Luna could.

“I wanted a really fluffy pet that I could snuggle. So, I got myself a Woolly Mammoth!”

Celestia, meanwhile, was… slightly less enthusiastic. Primarily due to the fact that the mammoth didn't seem to understand the concept of house manners.

“Luna,” Celestia began with a twitchy eye and an ready frizzled mane. “Your… new pet is eating my carpet.”

Luna turned around. Sure enough, the mammoth was in the process of consuming the carpet that lead to the thrones. “Don't worry, we can replace those! Besides, he's not housebroken yet.” Luna wrapped a leg around her sister and smiled. “All in due time though!”

Celestia watched helplessly as her carpet was consumed by the largest land mammal to ever walk the face of Equus; a fact that didn't sit well with her.

To say the least.

“Luna, this beast went extinct long ago.” Celestia turned her head and looked at her sister. Her words had fallen on deaf (or ignorant) ears, as Luna seemed to be enthralled with her pet. She sighed and turned her sister's head so she was looking at her. “Luna. How in the world did you get this thing?”

Luna narrowed her eyes. “He is not a thing!” she protested. “His name is Woolter. Woolter Mitty.”

Celestia facehoofed.

Then once more.

Then a third time, for good measure.

Then she just fell face-first onto the floor. As she lay there, Woolter patted her on the head with his trunk.

“What? Don't like the name?” Luna asked.

Celestia raised her head. In front of her was Woolter’s gigantic foot. She teleported back to her throne and attempted to regain her composure—a task that was easier said than done no matter which way you cut it

“Luna, I'll ask you-”

“I got him from Shining Armor.”

Celestia froze as the words her sister had just said replayed in her head over and over. “From… Shining Armor?” she asked after a few moments.

“Mhm. He sent me a book after I said I wanted a pet!”

“And… you got a mammoth?”

“Well, it was a spell.” Luna turned to face Woolter. “There were other extinct animals that I could've picked. I tried some out and they weren't that appealing. Like a Tyrannosaurus Rex. It ate my bed…”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “What else did you ‘try’?”

“Well, I went out back and made a little pond…” Luna paused and walked over to the nearby window and gestured for Celestia, who cautiously made her way to her sister. After she arrived, Luna continued. “And I tried out a Liopleurodon!”

Celestia peered out the window. The ‘pond’ her sister mentioned wasn't so much a pond as much as the entire backyard to the castle having been made into a lake. Inside of it was a twenty foot long aquatic reptile that narrowly missed a guard who held out what remained of his spear.

Which amounted to about an inch of it.

Celestia, meanwhile, felt what little of her sanity remained get eaten along with the spear. In fact, had it not been for the shampoo she'd been using to keep her majestic mane in tact, she was sure she would've felt her mane fall out. She walked back to her throne and sat down on it.

Thud

Celestia looked around. She realized it had suddenly gotten really dark and really furry. That's when it hit her.

Thwack!

A tail. Then reality hit her.

“Luna… did your pet eat the throne?”

Luna nodded. Slowly.

“And is it standing over me?”

Luna once again nodded.

Celestia walked out from beneath Woolter and stared up at him. He casually continued to eat the throne. And the pillows. And whatever else was nearby. The carpet was now history—much like the mammoth itself.

Luna walked up to her sister's side and sheepishly smiled. “So… I guess that I can't keep him?”

“No,” Celestia said. “Now, get rid of him before I make him extinct once more myself.”

Luna frowned. “What about Lyle?”

“You mean the thing outside?”

Luna nodded. “Can I keep him?”

Celestia tapped her chin. “What does he eat?”

Luna chuckled nervously. “Well…”

“Lunch time, Lyle!” Celestia threw a grilled mammoth leg into the ‘pond’. A few seconds later, the gigantic aquatic reptile leaped out and bit down into the leg before going back down into its watery home. “Good boy!”

Luna rolled her eyes as water rained down onto her and her sister. “You know, when you told me that you'd make him extinct again earlier, this wasn't what I had in mind.”

Celestia shrugged. “Well, just think: you have a pet and you can feed him whatever you'd like because of that book!”

“True…” Luna nudged her sister. “Or I could just push you in,” she said with a giggle.

“Don't push your luck, Lulu,” Celestia said with a smirk. “Or you're going to end up like Woolter.”

Meanwhile, deep beneath the warm waters that had been made for its home, Lyle gave a portion of the grilled leg to the newborn. It happily swam about before devouring the lunch that its mother had given it.