Equestria Noir Case 1 "The Big Macintosh Case"

by Jacoboby1

Chapters

Chapter 1:Rain
Chapter 3: The Apple Family
Chapter 4: Party Time!
Chapter 5: Apples and Oranges
Chapter 6: Revelation
Chapter 7: Family Feud
Epilogue
Chapter 2: Dead Men Tell Tales

Chapter 1:Rain

Equestria Noir

Case 1

“The Big Macintosh Case”

By Jacoboby1

Chapter 1

"Rain"

I never much liked the rain. I always felt it gave Manehatten this sort of eerie feel that I can’t stand. I was not looking forward to the fact I’d have to be walking home in this torrential downpour so late at night. Maybe I should sue the Pegasus Weather Company for creating this storm. Ah well, I can barely afford to pay the rent, let alone hire a lawyer. I sighed and turned away from the window and turned to the papers before me. Yet another huge pile of bills I’d have to worry about if I don’t get a case soon.

Where are my manners? I’m Private Eye or Private if you are so inclined. As you can probably guess I run a Private Detective Agency. (ha ha laugh all you want about the name) Sadly the only crimes Equestria sees often are robberies, arson from dragon raids and the occasional lost filly. As a result my talents go to waste on such ventures as the filly is usually found in some bakery gorging on cupcakes. Thus the pile of bills that is before me is a result of a lack of any real cases.

As you can probably guess by the last statement, my place is filthy. It only has one desk with the pile of bills on it and a small chair that I use whenever a client comes in. You could run your hoof across the floor and find almost a half inch layer of dust on it. I would clean it, but I can never get around to it what with bill collectors knocking on my door every five minutes wondering when the hell they were going to get rent. I usually tell them the same thing all the time. “When the crime rate rises we’ll talk about rent.”

The Phone rang as I was looking at the bills. My horn glowed a pale grey and the phone lifted to my ear. I know, strange for a private detective to answer his own phone but I can barely afford to feed myself, let alone think of hiring a secretary. I sighed and said the line I’ve practiced so often I could say it without thinking.

“Private Eye Detective Agency: Solving crimes in the blink of an eye. How can I help you?” I swear it was the worst pun I could come up with, but hey it got ponies’ attention. The voice on the other end was deep growly and obviously pissed.

“You still there Private?! I thought they evicted you months ago!”

“Good to hear from you too Shinebadge. What is it you need?” Police Chief Shinebadge is, or at least was one of the greatest cops I know. Granted being the best cop doesn’t amount to much in the peaceful land of Equestria but I wasn’t about to argue with him. The reason is because nowadays he’s pretty much a pencil pusher, filling out forms and occasionally pestering me about one case or another. Oh! He also has a lovely habit of hating my guts for walking out on the force years ago. Suffice to say we did not get along.

“I don’t need to hear that kind of sarcasm Private! I got-a-job-for-you.” he said the last words through gritted teeth. I got a small smile out of that.

“What is it you need Badge?” I said is as polite a tone as I could muster, although I’ll admit it did sound mockingly polite.

“I need you to pack your bags and head down to Ponyville. apparently there’s some kind of trouble down there and I can’t go down-there-myself,” said Shinebadge, again last words through gritted teeth. I was so getting a kick out of this.

“Ponyville? That’s in the middle of nowhere! Why should I leave good ole Manehatten for a job in Hicksville?” Hey not my word, that’s what everypony in Manehatten calls the town.

“There’s been a murder; some poor sap just got bucked in the face and they need a detective with some…expertise in the field.”

A murder…that rarely happens in Equestria, let alone all the way down in Hicksville. To say this peaked my interest was like saying “Dragons breath fire”. That and I haven’t had a vacation in over a year.

Badge spoke again in his hard growly voice, “You just head down there as soon as you can and make contact with a local by the name of Twilight Sparkle. She’ll inform you of the situation.” The princess’ little assistant? I guess that would be what would pass for law and order way out in the country, but I can’t believe I’d be given the case by a glorified bookworm. Let’s just hope she doesn't force me to read or write letters to the princess every week. Although I’d be lying if I didn’t find it interesting to have direct access to the princess, I’d have a few words to say about property taxes.

Badge again growled, I can never tell if he was doing it intentionally or if it was just how his voice sounded. Either way it’s scary to those not used to it. “I’ll send ya the tickets in the morning for the first train to Ponyville. And also…I gotta call from Larksong. She says she wants you to see her there.”

Larksong…the other incentive for going to Ponyville…I sighed and decided to go through with it. It was against my better judgment but if I was any good at making good judgments I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

“Alright Badge you got a deal. I’ll take my usual fee, Plus extra for tickets.” I heard him stifle a curse over the receiver. My fee is…steep these days. Hey when you’re as poor as me you gotta do what you can to eat.

I put down the phone, it was getting late and I had to pack for the trip. I levitated my brown trench coat onto me as well as my grey Fedora that would provide minimal shelter from the rain. Rain…why does it always follow sorrow?

__________

I got back to my apartment late, tired, and drenched to the bone. The rain was absolutely murderous out there and I shook my head to get the water out of my mane. My apartment was about the size of an average pony’s bedroom with a small bed and table and kitchen all in one room. It might be considered a fire hazard, but hey, the landlord didn’t complain as long as I paid the rent. When I paid the rent.

I walked over to my bed and almost tripped on a file. My floor was cluttered with case notes, evidence, and the occasional *ahem* light reading. I kicked some space on the floor and used telekinesis to dig out my suitcase. It was a small suitcase but it held everything I needed inside. I started piling in gear such as chemistry sets, a camera, and other various items a private detective should never be without. I trotted over to my safe hidden cleverly behind a picture of the Big Apple itself. Inside was one thing I hoped never to use, but needed to bring. It was a six shot .32 mm revolver, not the most powerful firearm but it would get the job done if aimed right. I hated having to bring it but I’ve been shot at way too many times to consider not bringing it.

I levitated the gun into a small hidden pocket inside my trench coat. My brown trench coat had so many pockets in it you could hide something in it and nopony would ever know where to look, except me of course since I use it all the time. There was also something else I kept in the safe...a small picture of Larksong and my brother Tailspin. Larksong was smiling happily holding Tailspin on her back. Tailspin was laughing while enjoying the ride. It was one of the few happy times I can remember with the two of them together. I slipped the picture out of the frame and into my trench coat not knowing why I did so. Maybe I was just feeling nostalgic or something.

After everything was packed and I was finished wrestling with the suitcase to close I decided to hit the hay. I flopped on the bed in my clothes. I was that tired. My clock on the oven (the only clock that works in the apartment) said the time was 2 o'clock in the morning. This meant I had a grand total of 6 hours before the train left for Hicksville. I shut my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of Manehattan’s rain pattering on my window.

______________

The tickets came in my mailbox the next day buried under a pile of bills. I ignored the bills and put the tickets in my bags, and then I made my way towards the train station. Luckily the train wasn’t too crowded so I had a set of seats to myself (I managed to twist Badge’s leg for some second class seats).

I made a call in the train’s telephone booth and called Moren Stallion Filly’s Hospital. The mare whom answered it spoke with a warm motherly voice, “Hello Moren Stallion Filly’s Hospital, this is Nurse Jubilee.”

“Hellooo Nurse!” that got me a giggle on the other end of the receiver.

“I’m old enough to be your mother young man; you’d best learn to treat your elders with respect!” She may seem mad but she really enjoys it whenever I say that. “What can I do for you Private?”

“I need you to keep Tailspin in the hospital while I’m gone. I’m taking a case in Ponyville and I need somepony to look after him.”

“Not to worry Private, I’ll make sure he’s taken care of. Though, about the money you keep sending us...” she said, her voice laced with worry.

“I told you before Jubilee, no price is too high as far as my brother is concerned.” I said, my voice was dead serious.

“If you say so Private, I just want to make sure this isn’t hurting you too hard. Having to pay so much with so little improvement and good news...”

“I don’t care, if I have to sell my apartment, my clothes and carry my things on my back Jubilee. I just want to do everything I can for Tailspin.”

“Alright...take care of yourself Private and please try to stay out of trouble.”

“I can’t make any promises but I’ll at least try to not get shot at again.”

We exchanged farewells and I returned to my seat. Now that I knew that my brother was going to be okay I could focus on the task at hand. I pulled out my notebook and began looking over the case notes. I cast out every other thought in my mind. It’s how I am with cases. I set it all aside and focus until the case was solved or I was dead. Thankfully the latter has yet to happen.

I started with a little background on the place. Ponyville was founded back when my grandfather was a colt. It was apparently built close to a large apple orchard dubbed Sweet Apple Acres. Largely thanks to that orchard the town has thrived ever since. I’ve never been to the place myself, but from what I’ve read a lot of interesting things happen there. From attacks by Nightmare Moon to a visit by the ruler of chaos and the occasional dragon raid seem to make the town a popular tourist spot. But I wasn’t on vacation, I was doing my job.

My contact there was a gal by the name of Twilight Sparkle. I’ve read articles about her and the 5 other Elements of Harmony, and their adventures together. But what from I can tell from the profile Badge had given me she’s very close to Canterlot royalty and it didn’t hurt that she was…cute. Hence why I’d have to see her as soon as I got off this train. Suddenly after looking at the picture I wasn’t so daunted by the prospect of visiting Hicksville.

_________

The train came to a stop at Ponyville Crossing and I stepped off the train and breathed in the smell of fresh mountain air, maybe this won’t be so bad after all. I looked around hoping to find my contact. What I wasn’t expecting was to see a baby dragon holding a cardboard sign with my name. I’m not joking; a little baby dragon with purple scales and green spines was holding a sign with my name on it. He waved his little clawed hand at me in an effort to get my attention…he didn’t need to wave to get it.

He walked up to me smiling at me and said, “Hi there detective I’m Spike! Twilight Sparkle’s number 1 assistant!” I smiled a little. The little guy certainly didn’t lack for enthusiasm.

I tilted my head down at him and smiled. “Detective Private Eye, I trust you’re the one who’s supposed to take me to Miss Sparkle?”

“You bet! I’ve never seen a real live detective before! Though I wasn’t expecting you to be so…scruffy.” His eyes looked up and down at me taking in my appearance. I’m average size and build for a pony stallion with a grey coat and a short brown mane that was rather messy. My attire consisted of my brown trench coat and a grey fedora. I guess I do look a little scruffy...haven’t been able to afford a laundromat for weeks.

“Uh, lack of funds is the main culprit in this case Spike. But anyways, I need to see Miss Sparkle if you would be so kind.”

He nodded and turned around. “Follow me, she lives at the library.” He walked on into the town and I could feel the ponies looking at me. A detective in town is never a good sign in any part of Equestria. It meant the peace was being disturbed. Nopony liked the peace being disturbed but frankly I did, it kept food on my table.
Spike led me through town to a large tree that I would never imagine would have housed a library. It seemed almost cruel, having books which come from trees be kept inside a hollowed out tree. I guess my overanalysing came from lack of sleep.

Spike opened the door I noticed that almost everything was organized to a tee. All the books were cleaned recently and set in the shelves neatly. The floor didn’t have a speck of dust on it. I was almost tempted to knock over a shelf just to break this perfect picture of organization. Spike turned his head up and shouted up the stairs, “Twilight! The detective is here!”

I didn’t know what to expect…I’ve seen pictures of her certainly but they never did justice to anything. I’ve heard of her certainly, what with her being famous and all for saving Equestria not once, not twice, but several times. I guess I was expecting her to be younger or something. All I know is as the mare that was to be my contact in Ponyville descended the steps from her bedroom, time just…stopped.

She wasn’t drop dead beautiful by any means…she just had this simple beauty I can’t put to words. She had a fine magenta coat and a violet mane with what looked like a colored streak of magenta running down it. Her horn was short but noticeable. She wore it not like a hoof like most unicorns like me…but as a badge of honour. She turned her violet eyes to me and smiled with obvious relief. “Thank Celestia you’ve made it! I was afraid you wouldn’t come!”

For a second I was tongue tied staring at this mare of simple beauty. I shook my head to fix that and nodded at the mare before me. “Yes that’s me, Detective Private Eye, happy to be of service.” I tipped my hat to her as she descended the steps from her room. I’ll admit that I did that less out of politeness and more so she wouldn’t catch me gaping at her like a dragon would a diamond.

Twilight directed me to a small table and told Spike to get tea. I declined her offer. I was a detective and my diet consisted heavily of caffeine. Tea just wasn’t strong enough for me.

“So Miss Sparkle…” I began.

“Please, call me Twilight detective,” she politely responded.

“Twilight, can you please tell me what kind of crime we are dealing with here?”

Spike came by with the tea, I'll admit it was humorous to see a baby dragon in an apron but I held back my chuckle so as not to embarrass the kid. Twilight poured the tea into her own cup, the kettle glowing with a pale magenta aura. She didn’t even have to look at the kettle to pour the tea. That was some rather impressive work at least compared to my poor magic skills.
With tea poured Twilight spoke in a very serious tone. “Detective, the case involved here is murder, and I know the suspect the police are questioning.” I telepathically took out my notebook and waved my hoof for her to continue.

“Last night a Stallion was murdered in an alleyway over by the Post Office. We’re having the police look over the body and the scene right now.” I wrote down everything that came out of her mouth. Thankfully my writing was as quick as her speaking even as her voice started to quiver.

“The suspect is a friend of mine’s brother. His name is Big Macintosh, or Big Mac for short, he didn’t do it detective! I’ve known him all my time here and he’s never harmed anypony!” Tears were in her eyes. If this was how a pony as calm as her handled murder I’d hate to see how the family of both suspect and victim were. She took another sip of tea and wiped her eyes with a napkin. “Sorry, the whole town just doesn’t know how to handle murder, myself included.”

I gave her a small nod. “Murder isn’t natural Twilight. Nopony should have to suffer having a murder take place in their own backyard.” that was what I told everypony when murder was involved. I guess it gave them some small comfort in knowing this doesn't happen often.

“Thanks detective, I’ll take you to the crime scene.” she started walking for the door she held her head high as she did, so I guess that was her way of coping.

“Twilight” I said gently “I’ll get the guy okay? You don’t to worry yourself over this.” That was sincere although I felt my argument was a little weak. She smiled a little.

“Thanks, come on detective, we’ve got a crime to solve.”

I stopped short. “Wait. You just said…We...”

Chapter 3: The Apple Family

Chapter 3

The Apple Family

I walked out of the detention center and watched as Twilight trotted up to me her face betraying her anxiety. I shook my head and said “I don’t think he did it but the courts will look for motive and opportunity not the character of the pony”

Twilight’s face drooped then her violet eyes looked into mine “Do we have anything to prove that Big Mac didn’t kill Tangerio?”

“No, not yet but I think I have a lead” I levitated the threat letter from our mysterious M.O. Twilight’s magenta magic surrounded the note and she looked at with eyes used to scrutinizing details.

“So this guy wants to buy Sweet Apple Acres? Could there be a connection to the murder here?”

“It’s possible, but Big Mac wants to send us on an errand first” I held up the letter addressed to “Mah Little Sisters” Twilight saw it then nodded.

“Sweet Apple Acres is a little out of town I’ll take you there” She started trotting off towards the outskirts of town. I followed more determined than ever to find out the inner workings of this conspiracy.
_______________________

To say the farm was big would be like saying Canterlot was a little town. The trees spanned miles over the hills all filled with soon to be harvested apples. I was tempted more than once to pick the apples but my stomach lost against my conscious in this case. We trotted up to the big red farmhouse which towered above the trees surrounding it. Twilight walked up to door of the Apple family home which was just next to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal a young filly with a bright yellow coat and a scarlet mane tied in a bow. She looked up at Twilight whom smiled at her.

“Hello Apple Bloom, is Applejack home?” she said in a gentle tone.

“Yep, thanks fer comin Twilight" The filly said with a small smile “Applejack could use somepony to help her cope with what ‘appened” she shared Big Mac’s accent. This had to be his sister. She stepped aside and let us in and I could hear somepony crying in the living room. Twilight went inside and I could hear her speaking to another Pony, another one whom shared the Apple family accent.

“Twi, Ah wasn’t expecten ya" The voice said somberly "Ah would've dun something to make your visit more, ah don’t know...entertainin” She was trying to make small talk to try and lift the mood.

“It’s okay Applejack, I have somepony here who could help” On cue I walked in and saw Applejack. She was an orange colored earth pony with a blond mane tied with a hair ribbon at the end. Her green eyes were accented by freckles on her cheeks which have seen many tears today. She tried to wipe her eyes quickly when I came in and slapped on a brown cowgirl hat.

Twilight gestured to me “This is Private Eye; he’s the detective in charge of the case”

Applejack looked at me with a mix of relief and what was left of her earlier tears. “You the pony who’s gonna get mah brother outta jail?”

I nodded “I’ll do what I can to help". She sighed in relief. “Though we have another matter" I went on "Big Mac wanted me to give you this” I levitated the letter to her, she took it before my magic could even set it down on the table. She ripped it open and looked at it. Her eyes scanned the letter then she frowned.

“That no good son of a mule! He’s seriously going to make me do this while he’s in jail?!” She crumpled up the letter and was about to throw it when Twilight stopped her.

“Wait Applejack" She said "What did it say?” Applejack sighed then handed Twilight the crumpled paper. She tentatively uncrumpled it and read bits of it aloud. “Dear Apple Residence...we are pleased to inform you...offer you can’t refuse....Sweet Celestia!” Her violet eyes grew wide and she levitated the letter to me. My eyes got huge as well, there were more zeros on the offer then I could count. Twilight looked to Applejack “Somepony is trying to buy the farm with that amount of bits!? AJ you could buy twenty farms with that kind of money!”

The farmpony frowned at her friend, her eyes dead serious “Twi’ ya know Ah ain't never gonna sell Sweet Apple Acres if it kills me. This is mah home and nopony is going to take it from me!” I admired her courage in the face of all this.

Twilight shook her head though “Applejack this is serious! Somepony probably set Big Mac up so that you would have no choice but to take the offer”

I took a seat on a couch facing Applejack. Twilight was sitting with Applejack trying to console her. I decided to dig a little. “Don’t you have farm hands or family members who can make up for Big Mac’s work?” I asked.

Applejack shook her orange head. “Nu-uh it’s just me, AppleBloom, Granny Smith and Big Mac on the farm. Ah can’t ask mah relatives, they all have farms of their own to look after and I don’t wanna get inta the messy business of hiring extra hoofs”

“Big Mac was your lifeline you say?” I asked, writing what she was saying down.

“Mostly during planting time, he’s our plow pony and without him the orchard would only be planted half as much” She said with a sigh.

I nodded and decided to change the subject “Has Big Mac made any enemies or anything? Any unseemly characters he’s been around?”

Applejack tilted her head in thought “Well, Big Mac isn’t the kind of pony who goes around causin trouble. Ah don’t reckon there’s been a time he’s made anypony mad. Ya think mah brother’s ticked off the mob or somethin?”

“Nothing so serious or fanciful as that." I said reassuringly "But you have to remember, Sweet Apple Acres is a big prize for anypony to own”

“Nopony is takin Sweet Apple Acres on mah watch!” She said indignantly.

“Alright Applejack, I’ll see what I can do to get Big Mac out as soon as possible”

Applejack smiled and spit on her hoof. Her green eyes looked to me and she spoke firmly “Make it a promise”

I looked at the hoof then at Twilight who gave a look that said “just do it”

I spat on my hoof and shook Applejack’s “I promise Applejack, that I’ll do what I can to solve this”

“Thank ya kindly, now Ah trust y’all outta get back to the case”

Twilight and I left the house after that and politely declined Applejack’s offer to stay for dinner. We started walking the trail out of the farm when I heard a pony yell at me.

“WAIT!!! Mister Detective STOP!!!” I felt something bump my hind leg. I turned around and there was Apple Bloom looking up at me. “Ah gotta tell ya somethin! It’s very important!”

I looked at her, taking testimony from a child was always messy business but I was willing to listen. I smiled gently and said “What’s so important that you had to run here to tell us?”

“Member when ya said if Big Mac was with uh...unseem…unsee...Strange ponies?”

“Yes, Applejack said that Big Mac wasn’t with anypony strange though...” I said skeptically.

“That’s cuz she didn’t see them!” She interjected. This was an interesting development, I pulled out my notebook, and Twilight sat next to me as the filly recounted her tale.

“Ah was puttin away the chickens late one night about a week ago. That’s when Ah saw em! Two ponies were talkin to Big Mac real secret like. I hid behind the chicken coop so they couldn’t see me”

“Did you hear what they said?" I probed "Did you catch a glimpse of what they looked like?”

“I didn’t hear anythin, they were too far away but I did see em! One was a big black Pegasus with a nasty scar on his eye” She shuddered a little, I guess the scar was rather noticeable.

She went on “Then this other pony was a real short one with a top hat” A top hat! Finally a pony that’s into fashionable headwear! I wonder how he feels about fedoras? “They talked with Big Mac for a long time, and then they went off to Ponyville”

“Apple Bloom do you swear this happened?" I said, my grey eyes looking down at the filly "You aren’t making this up to defend your brother?”

Twilight looked at me in sheer astonishment “Private! How could you accuse her of that?!”

“It’s happened before" I replied not averting my gaze "I have to be sure”

Apple Bloom shook her head furiously and looked at me with pain filled eyes “Ah’d never make somethin like this up! I saw em! I swear by Celestia’s horn!”

I nodded “Alright I just wanted to hear you honestly defend yourself”

“Ya believe me?” She said her face voicing her shock.

I smiled a little at the filly. “Yes I do, and I’ll get your brother out Apple Bloom, I promise”

“Ya promise...?” Her yellow eyes looked up at mine. Damn it they were so huge I couldn’t accuse her again if I wanted to.

“I promise” I smiled at her and trotted off.

Twilight ran to catch up with me. “So you accuse her of lying to defend her brother, then you pull a complete 180 and say you believed her all along? What was that for?”

“I needed to hear her defend herself like that; nopony who’s lying would make such a firm statement like that. I could tell she wasn’t lying just by the way she stood up for herself like that”

Twilight looked at me then shook her head bemused “You’re odd Detective...”

“Anyways I’m going to ask around about those stallions that Apple Bloom mentioned”

“Great, where do we start?”

I looked at her and shook my head “‘We’ are not going to do anything Twilight. I’m going to meet you at the library later tonight. I think I have a lead and where I’m going you wouldn’t want to be”

She looked about ready to retort but held it back when she saw how serious I was “Alright, it’s getting late anyway” she gestured to the setting sun about to fall into the western mountains. Celestia was retiring for the night and so was the rest of Ponyville. “I’ll meet you back at the library and I’ll do a little research”

“On what exactly?” I asked

“Anypony who’d want Sweet Apple Acres to be axed” She trotted off ahead and I followed. We got back to Ponyville as the sun went down then we parted ways. I went over to one of the buildings and started walking down a set of stairs by it. It led me to a door with a sliding peak hole on it. I knocked on it three times, paused, then twice more. The peek hole opened and a glaring eye said “Password?”

I sighed and said “Lauren sent me” the slider closed and I could hear a complex series of locks being undone on the other side of the door. The bouncer that the eye belonged to opened the door and nodded as I walked in.

This was the Violet Rose, a quaint nightclub under an antique shop. Not many ponies know about it but I was able to find out about it from one of my older contacts. The place was spacious with many tables holding white table cloths. A band was playing on the stage at the head of the club with some ponies dancing on the dance floor before it. This was a place where one could cut loose after a long work week. I walked up to the bar and sat on a stool.

The bartender, a mare with a brown coat and mane, with a cutie mark that looked like a mug of cider looked at me. “Haven’t seen you before, you must be that new detective my customers keep talking about. What’ll it be?”

“Got a Grasshopper?” I asked glancing around

“Grasshopper?" She laughed a little "That shit they serve up in Manehatten? You might as well drink water” Some of the other customers laughed at my choice of drink. “I figured you were outta town but geez! Out here you see...” She got a big mug out “We pour Apple Cider straight from Sweet Apple Acres. You’re lucky, this stuff is about as hard to get a hold of as diamonds” She filled the mug and slid it to me. I caught it and took a sip. I’ll admit that the stuff was awfully strong and had a good taste. The bartender looked at me “So what’re ya here for city boy?”

“I’m looking for somepony, a mare named Larksong”

She smiled at me “Well if you wait two minutes she’s going to be on stage soon” She pointed her hoof at the stage and I turned in the stool to look. The band just finished up and a host pony took the stage.

“Thank you Ladies and Gentlestallions! Let’s give a big stomp for Octavia and the Midnight Serenade!” Several ponies in the audience stomped in response as the band left the stage. The stallion stepped up to the mic “Now tonight is a very special night, all the way from Manehatten is the wonderful...the beautiful...Miss Larksong...” he stepped away and that’s when I saw her.

She hadn’t changed much since I last saw her. She stood up there clad in a black night dress and looking at everypony with soft blue eyes. Her light green mane dazzled the stage with shining sparkles as she moved. Her well groomed gold coat shone like the sun as she took the stage. Several Stallions in the audience forgot their marefriends and beheld the beauty that was Larksong. Me? I was just taking in the sweet irony of it all. She walked to the microphone and smiled at the audience.

“Thank you all for coming tonight” her voice even in its normal speaking voice sounded like sweet honey to an untrained ear. Thankfully my ear was well trained for this. “This song goes out to all you little hearts out there...those of us...” she noticed me, our eyes met for two seconds then she smiled again. “Who have tasted the fruit of love and found it sour” She started singing at that moment. A ballad about a stallion that fell in love...but found out the love was not returned. That the love he so strived to keep was just a hopeless illusion. Several mares cried as she sung this tale of sorrow to them, I noticed a tear in many a stallion’s eyes too. Oh she knew how to play with the strings of the heart like a harp. Her music was one of tragedy but also of hope. That out there somepony was looking for that lonely stallion. Who knows? Maybe her music will cause love to blossom in this room. As for me...hell, I was just trying to enjoying the cider.

She finished her last song about a mare torn between love and glamor. She was treated to a thunderous applause. (One that got so bad one of the bottles fell from the bartender’s shelf). She looked at me with her soft blue eyes and motioned for a corner booth. I knew she was directing that first song at me and now she wanted to catch up. I nodded and left a few bits to pay for the cider. No amount of alcohol in the world was going to help me now. I walked to the booth and she and I sat looking at each other.

She smiled “Here I thought your exact words to me were ‘I never want to ever see you again’”

“Never just got a hell of a lot shorter”

Chapter 4: Party Time!

Chapter 4

Party Time!

“Never thought I’d see you in a bar again, let alone drinking apple cider” She said with that tone of voice she always uses where you can’t really tell what she’s thinking. I was all too used to hearing that voice.

“I’m not here for recreation Larksong. I’m looking for somepony and you know everypony so it should be easy” I said making an effort to state my annoyance. I didn't want her to think for a minute I enjoyed this.

“Really? Because for a moment there I caught you looking at me with those...eyes of yours” She said in that silky smooth voice of hers.

“I’m not in the mood for your flirting Larksong...”

“Whoever said I was flirting? I’m just making light conversation about the fact you still find me attractive”

“Look, can you help me find these ponies or do I need to see somepony else?” I said with an edge in my voice that got her attention.

“Well I suppose, that pink party pony thinks she knows everypony" she smirked a little "But I know those that you don’t see at her parties” I guess every town has that one pony who throws parties all the time.

“Spend a lot of personal time with these" I narrowed my eyes "Ponies whom you know?”

“Don’t get jealous Private, I haven’t held a serious relationship since we split”

“Don’t get cute Lark, just help me and I’ll get out of your mane”

“Here I was hoping you could stay in my mane.... and other parts of my body” She made a show of sliding towards me around the corner and to my side of the table. “Who can I help you find?”

“Two ponies; One is a Pegasus described as being big and black with a scar on his eye”

“Ahh, you're talking about Scarwing”

“You know him?”

She nodded “Yes, He’s a hitpony who works for some high up brass”

“Do you know where I can find him?” I asked inquiringly

“He has a hangout not far from here in an old shack” She said firmly, using her magic to write down an address on a napkin.

“How’d you find out about that? Seems awfully personal to tell some mare you meet in a club”

“You’d be surprised what one is willing to tell a beautiful mare after having too much to drink” She said smiling teasingly

“I should’ve guessed" I then moved on "What about a small red stallion with a top hat?”

“Yahtzee?! That bastard is still in town!?” She said her eyes alight with fury.

I chuckled a little “You two had a falling out?”

“That worthless son of a donkey had me pay the tab for HIS drinks! The nerve of some Ponies, and he even thought I was going to spend some time alone with him! I’d rather sleep with a hydra!” She slammed her hoof on the table in frustration. “You can find that asswipe at the winery and if you see him, give him this!” She slapped me on the cheek and I got the hint.

I rubbed my cheek as I said “I get the message, thanks for the help” I started to get up when she reached up and put her hoof on mine.

Her blue eyes looked at me; I couldn’t read what they said “I still miss you, you know. It gets awfully lonely at night without you there Private”

I pulled my hoof out from under hers. “Should’ve thought of that before you did what you did” I said as I trotted out and didn’t look back at her
_________________________

I levitated my notebook filled with Larksong’s descriptions of the suspects. I had two leads on this case so far and things were looking up. I should be excited that I was getting somewhere, but seeing Larksong again stole away whatever excitement I may have had. She is a long and incredibly complex case that I just wanted to avoid. Part of me wanted to go back to her, pick her up in my magic and reminisce about the old days. But I knew it wouldn’t help me or Big Mac if I did so. That’s what was important now...the case, not my own personal problems.

I trotted up to the library, the lights were off and Luna had sent up the moon. I guessed Twilight went to sleep or something. That perception was thrown to the moon when I opened the door and suddenly the lights came on. I covered my eyes from the sudden brightness and heard noisemakers going off.

“WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!!!!” A pink mare with a wild darker pink mane was in my face when I removed my hoof from my eyes. I looked around and saw that the entire place was decorated with balloons, streamers and a huge sign that said “Welcome to Ponyville!” Cakes and all sorts of party treats were on a table nearby. Several Ponies were there as well but my attention was on this wild fireball that was the pink pony.

She got right up in my face and looked at me with excited bright blue eyes. “Hi there! I’m Pinkie Pie! Twilight said you were new in town and I was like WHAT!?! A pony I haven’t met is one less pony who can be my friend! I hope you like all the decorations and enjoy the cake I made for you mister!” She started talking on and on a mile a minute...make that a hundred miles a minute now that I had her attention. I noticed Twilight at the cake table levitating some cake, a guilty smile on her face.

I left behind the pink sugar rush and walked to her frowning “What is all this Twilight? I never asked for a welcome to Hic-I mean Ponyville party”

She looked at me apologetically “Well, when I mentioned you to Pinkie Pie she insisted on doing it. Who was I to deny her?”

“You could have told me Twilight so I wouldn’t be mobbed by Miss Party Crazy over there” I said as Pinkie Pie got a DJ going. I had to hoof it to her; the mare could definitely get a party going quickly.

“That’s just how she is Private, just humor her and whatever you do don’t insult her parties”

“Why would I do that? This party is great! She did all this while I was out. I have to hoof it to her, she’s brilliant at this”

“Just a precaution...” Twilight said shuddering a little.

“Whatcha talkin bout?” Pinkie Pie said behind me causing me to leap out of my coat.

“Where’d you come from!?” I yelled in shock almost falling over at the sudden appearance of the pink fireball of energy.

“Well mister when a Stallion and Mare really like each other...”

“No! I mean when did you appear behind me?”

“About two seconds ago when you two started talking about how awesome this party is!” Several ponies in the room yelled in agreement at the last statement.

I facehoofed...this was going to be a long night “Twilight, we need to work on the case and we can’t-”

Pinkie Pie interrupted again “Case? What case? Oh! You’re that detective! Twilight said you were the detective but I didn’t think so when I saw you. Most detectives have a trench coat and a cool hat but you just have a brown coat and a weird hat! So I guess that’s why I got confused” She trailed off on her endless tangent. I finally put my hoof on her mouth to get her to stop talking. My grey eyes looked at her dead serious.

“Pinkie this is a very important case that I need to discuss with Twilight and I can’t have any interruptions. So please for the love of Celestia stop talking!”

Pinkie sat on her rear and nodded. I swear her mane drooped a little, like a balloon losing some of its air. I removed my hoof and she spoke somberly “Well...okay...I just made this party and everything...I hope you and Twilight can solve the case...” I suddenly felt extremely guilty for saying what I said.

“I’m sorry Pinkie Pie" I said "Your party is great. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. If you want, this party can still go on” I smiled at her and she pulled a 180 and was back to her normal cheery self.

“Alright so does this mean I can help with the case?” this came out of nowhere. I looked at Twilight who shrugged at this.

“Pinkie I don’t know" I said warningly "I appreciate the help but it could get dangerous”

“I can handle it! Danger is my middle name!” She proclaimed

“I thought it was Diane...” Twilight said.

“That’s not what’s important!" She said dismissing Twilight's comment with a wave of her hoof "Applejack’s brother is in trouble! As Applejack’s friend I should help out!” She didn’t lack for confidence that was for sure. I sighed and gave in. Damn it, I couldn’t resist her after seeing her almost deflate like that.

“Alright but you gotta promise me that if it gets too dangerous you back out. Got it?” I said, my voice firm.

“I promise, cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” She even stuck her hoof in her eye to drive home her statement.

“Alright I guess you can help then” I said.

She leaped twenty feet into the air “YES! Everypony! I’m going to be a detective!” Ponies stomped in response to Pinkie Pie’s statement of glee. She dived into the sea of dancing and partying ponies.

I turned to Twilight and sighed “Just when I thought this case couldn’t get any more strange”

Twilight smiled a little “Just let her come along and if she causes trouble I’ll tell her to back off”

“If you say so Twilight, now about the case-”

She put a hoof on my mouth before I could say anything “Just enjoy the party that Pinkie Pie worked so hard to make and cut loose for once. We’ll solve the case in the morning I promise”

“Alright, I’ll try to....cut loose” Suddenly I was yanked onto the dance floor by Pinkie. Twilight waved as I was drawn into the sea of ponies. I’ll admit it was fun just dancing the whole night away. I don’t have many memories of what happened next. I just remember dancing out on that floor. My hooves were stomping to the bass that the DJ was pounding out like there was no tomorrow. I do remember seeing Twilight on the outside of the floor. Her being shoved onto the floor by Pinkie and…dancing with her. For a moment, everything was pure joy and laughter again. Maybe Ponyville isn’t such a bad place after all if it had ponies like Pinkie and Twilight in it.

__________________________

I woke up the next day tired, groggy and with a strange feeling in my stomach. I’m pretty sure the feeling was a result of loud music and a hell of a lot of cake. Did this happen to everypony who went to a Pinkie party? That’ll teach me to ever cut loose during one. I sat up realizing I was on Twilight’s coach with a blanket over me. I shook my head to try and get the grogginess of sleep out of my head. Twilight came down the stairs from her room smiling at me.

“Have fun Private?” She said in a mockingly sweet voice.

“Ha ha” I smoothed my brown mane with a hoof. “Next time you warn me when somepony is going to throw a party no matter what a certain pink pony says”

She laughed a little “Who would’ve thought mister super serious detective was such a good dancer?”

“Where’s Pinkie?" I said looking around "She said she was going to help out but-”

“SURPRISE!!!!” I leaped ten feet into the air and slammed back down onto the floor. I looked up into the blue energetic eyes of Pinkie Pie.

“So mister detective! What’re we going to do first!? Interrogate suspects? Look for clues? Walk around everywhere with a magnifying glass?!” She was hopping up and down with glee. How did she hop with hooves?

“Okay Pinkie, first rule. No startling the detective with the weak heart” I said after getting up and dusting myself off. “Okay Twilight you said you had something?”

We spent the next two minutes getting Pinkie and later Spike up to speed on the case. I hated getting so many ponies (or dragons) involved but the more heads the better in Twilight’s book. I explained to everypony what I learned about the two ponies that Applebloom saw. I took care to omit where I got the info, they didn’t need to know about Larksong.

After I finished my side of the story I turned to Twilight. “Okay Twilight, what did you find?”

Twilight levitated a newspaper and set it down in the center of the floor so we all could see. The headline is what got my attention.

APPLE AND ORANGE FEUD ENDS WITH ORANGE FAMILY LEAVING PONYVILLE!!

An old black and white picture portrayed two stallions and their families glaring at each other. One was a stallion wearing the exact same cowboy hat that Applejack wore and the other stallion was in a business suit with a cutie mark that was an orange. As if this wasn’t strange enough, Tangerio was among the ponies in the background, I could recognize his cutie mark of a split open orange.

Chapter 5: Apples and Oranges

Chapter 5

Apples and Oranges

I stared at the newspaper article sitting on the floor. Twilight looked up at the rest of us. “I was looking into anything I could find on Tangerio and this is what came up when I looked”

“There was a feud between Applejack’s family and Tangerio’s? That would explain why I didn’t see any family photos of him back at Sweet Apple Acres” I said thoughtfully putting my chin on my hoof.

Twilight nodded “This was years ago, I was just a filly at the time. Apparently it was an all-out war between the families that was all over the news”

Pinkie looked at the photo and frowned “I don’t think it ended very well by the grumpy looks they have” Pinkie was right, both parties looked ready to kill in the old photo. I had to commend the reporter at the time for jumping in the middle of a war zone to get the photo of both families.

I nodded my head “We’ll ask Applejack if she knows anything, now we gotta look for our suspects”

Pinkie jumped to her hoofs “Alright this looks like a job for-” She leapt into a nearby closet and came out in the most ridiculous looking Sherlock Hooves hat I’ve ever seen. I held back a laugh as Pinkie proudly declared “Detective Pinkie Pie! And her trusty sidekick Twilight!” Pinkie suddenly put a bowler hat on Twilight’s head. At that moment I lost it and started rolling on the floor laughing. Spike joined in as well the two just looked so ridiculous I couldn’t help but laugh.

Twilight frowned at Pinkie trying to contain her growing fury “Pinkie...we talked about this...now remove the hat before my magic accidentally knocks over a bookshelf...and squishes a certain pink pony”

“Sorry Twilight, old habits die hard” She took off the hats and smiled innocently at Twilight.

_______________________

“You sure this is where this guy is supposed to live?” Twilight said as we arrived at Scarwing’s shack just outside of Ponyville. That’s really all it was: a shack with some sheet metal for a roof.

Spike looked over Twilight’s shoulder. He’d been riding her the whole way here. “I would’ve expected some kind of empty warehouse or something, maybe a scary mansion”

“The goal is not to scare Spike” I said pointedly “It’s to hide. He’s a hitpony and this is his hiding spot where he goes after a kill”

“Somepony actually pays someone to kill Ponies?! That’s like, crazy!” Pinkie said shocked. The naiveté of these small town ponies was going to get old way too fast.

I stepped to the door and levitated my revolver out; my companions all had a different reaction when they saw I had a gun.

Twilight’s eyes grew wide “YOU HAVE A GUN!!?”

Pinkie grew thoughtful “Maybe I should’ve brought my party cannon too”

Spike’s eyes shone “Cool! Can I try it when you’re done with it?” That earned him a glare from Twilight which shut him up. She glared at me and I sighed.

“It’s just a precaution...Spike run to the back in case he makes a break for it, Pinkie you climb on the roof and prepare to jump on him should he try to fly off. Twilight and I will take the front door” Everypony went to where they were supposed to go. I leaned against the wall beside the door and nodded to Twilight. She nodded back and I knocked on the front door.

“Scarwing! I know you’re in there! You’re under arrest on suspicion of the murder of Tangerio Orange!”

A crash was heard and the door slammed in my face. I was dizzy for a moment but after I refocused I saw Pinkie leaping off of the shack and landing on top of the huge black Pegasus. I couldn’t get a clear shot at the Pegasus’ wings. The rest of us ran after the Pegasus and his unwanted passenger. Pinkie was wrestling with the Pegasus trying to get at his wings to bring him down to earth. The Pegasus tried to shake her off but Pinkie was persistent. He cursed and tried to fly off away from town.

I tried to aim my gun at him “Damnit I can’t get a shot without hitting Pinkie!”

“I got him!” Twilight’s horn glowed and a nearby boulder was hurled into the air. “Pinkie. Jump!” Pinkie heard and leaped off the Pegasus just in time for the boulder to hit him on the back. Twilight then used her magic on the tree branches to tangle the disoriented flyer. I used my own magic to catch Pinkie Pie from falling on the ground.

I looked at Pinkie “You okay?” I gently set her down on the ground.

“That was fun, can we do it again?” She said smiling, I facehoofed.

____________________________________

Uniforms came to pick up Scarwing; Twilight covered Spike’s ears to save them from Scarwing’s very colorful language. A uniform came up to me as they dragged the suspect into a jail carriage. “He won’t be getting out anytime soon, we’ll take him to the detention center for you Detective”

“Much appreciated, also I need you guys to look for a guy named Yahtzee he’s an earth pony with a red coat and a top hat. I was told he’d be at the winery”

“We actually already got him; somepony filed a sexual harassment case against him this morning. You can just talk to him when we pick him up” I had an idea who filed that case against him. Good going Larksong!

“Thank you officer, we’ll be down at the detention center soon” The uniform nodded and trotted off with the rest of the uniforms.

I turned back to Pinkie and frowned at her. “That was very reckless of you, I didn’t ask you to jump on his back and put yourself in danger like that”

“Well I wasn’t about to let him fly off, besides it was fun! No wonder Rainbow Dash loves flying so much!” Rainbow who now? I shook my head and sighed.

“Just...don’t do anything crazy like that again” I knew it was useless to try and dissuade her from helping out. I already learned that lesson the hard way.

Twilight came up to us “So what now? We go and talk with the suspects?”

“I’ll go talk to them, you and Spike go back to the library and research more of this feud” I said firmly.

“Oo! oo! Can I come with you Private? Pleeease? I’ve never seen these ponies before! I really need to see if I can become friends with them! Nopony should be without Pinkie Pie as a friend! Wonder which random song I should sing...” Leave it to Pinkie Pie to want to make friends with a couple of ponies that could have potentially killed somepony. I gave up.

“Alright, but you do not talk to them unless I say so. Pinkie promise?”

“Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Didn't it hurt to stick your hoof in your eye?

____________________________________

We arrived at the detention center at about noon. Pinkie bouncing behind me like she was on her way to a picnic. I envied her a little, she seemed so carefree. I entered the interrogation section and looked through the one way mirror at Scarwing whom was sitting in the interrogation room. He looked intimidating with that scar over his right eye and his ruffled wings. He had hoof and wing cuffs on to keep him from flying away. Judging by the fact that several guards were holding their stomachs, he already tried that. I looked at Pinkie “Alright I’m going in, you stay here”

Pinkie saluted as I entered the interrogation chamber. There was a table between us as I sat opposite him. “Look you bastard, I ain’t saying anything until I see my lawyer”

“Your lawyer won’t be here for a while; you have more than enough time to answer some questions I have about a certain dead farm worker...”

“I ain’t got anything to do with the murder you’re talking about!”

“Why so defensive?”

“Like I said, I ain’t saying nothing until my lawyer gets here!” Lawyers...they made interrogating a witness a living hell. I had to resort to something else...but what? Then a light bulb lit up in my head and I smirked. “What? What’s with that smirk?” He asked sounding suddenly very worried.

“Well I just figured that since your lawyer was going to be a while you wouldn’t want to talk to little ole me” I smirked as I stepped out of the interrogation room. I smirked a little as I saw Scarwing sweat a little on the other side of the glass. I turned to Pinkie Pie “Pinkie? Would you be a peach and talk to this guy for a while?”

“Ooh! I’ll talk to him all about my recipe for Cherrychanga! Or was it Chimicherry? I can never decide! I betcha he also likes pickle barrels!” She dived into the room and I put in earplugs as Pinkie Pie went to work. She went on and on for five whole minutes about various topics such as: her expansive collection of party invitations, her lifelong dream of working at a kumquat farm just so she could say kumquat all day, and just how scary looking Scarwing looked with, well, his scar.
I entered the interrogation room to find Scarwing on the floor trying desperately to cover his ears. “Please! For the love of Celestia make it stop!!!!”

I covered Pinkie’s mouth as she continued talking a mile a minute muffled by my hoof. “The only way it’ll stop is if you start talking!”

“Over my dead body!!”

I removed my hoof from Pinkie’s mouth “I didn’t even start on Pickle Barrels! That’s such a fun word to say! Pickle Barrel Pickle Barrel! Have you ever been to one of my parties? They’re very very fun! Everypony is invited to them! Unless of course you're a meanie pants like Gilda or something! But you don’t look like a meanie pants so you can come along if you want!”

“Alright! ALRIGHT!!! I’ll talk! Just make it stop!!!!!”

I nodded to Pinkie “Thank you Pinkie, I’ll take it from here”

“Aww, and I was going to talk to him about the practical way to use a party cannon...” She said walking out of the room. I should bring her along for more interrogations. Scarwing sat back in the chair opposite me and we started over.

“Where were you when the murder happened?” I asked plainly

“I was at my shack awaiting a call for a new job”

“Or...you were already performing a job”

“Where’s your proof I was there?” He said menacingly

“Can I have one of your feathers for a moment?”

“Whaddya’ need my feathers for?” he said suspiciously

“If you’re innocent....then you have nothing to fear”

“Fine...” I used my magic to pluck one of his black feathers off his wing. I held it up to my eyes and if my hunch was right then it should...Bingo! I levitated up the feather found at the crime scene. A perfect match, I could see Scarwing sweating a lot now. He knew he was in a corner he didn’t want to be.

“A witness will testify he saw a shadow flying out of the crime scene when the murder occurred. Also another will testify that she felt something land on her head as she left the scene. That something...was your feather”

“It could be anypony’s feather! You can’t prove it’s me!”

“I had DNA tests run on the feather. Let’s just say you’re not going to be able to talk your way past a DNA test that says the feather is yours. Also during the summer a lot of pegasi molt to make way for new feathers...this feather, is one of the ones that would be lost when one molts. I also notice your feathers are a little ruffled, molt recently Scarwing?”

He didn’t say anything for a long time. He had nowhere to go now, even if he tried to defend and deny he’d only be burying himself in a deeper hole. He sighed then spoke “You’re good detective, you got me. I killed the Orange kid. But I didn’t do it because of anything personal. It was just a job”

“I know that, you’re a hitpony right? Who hired you?”

“Yahtzee, that little snake hired me to take out that Orange brat. Didn’t say why and I didn’t ask why. If a client says to kill and he’s paying enough, well who am I to question why?”

“Another witness will testify that you were at Sweet Apple Acres with Yahtzee prior to the murder. What were you doing there?”

“Yahtzee wanted to talk to that big stallion that works there about something. I don’t remember what though; I only know it had something to do with their farm”

“Thanks for at least coming clean with this. You’re still looking at banishment for this. Why’d you give up Yahtzee so easily? It took Pinkie to get you talk about the murder, yet you were more than happy to give up Yahtzee hiring you”

He shook his head “I don’t hold any loyalty to my clients. I just do my job and besides. If I’m going to the moon I want that bastard Yahtzee to go with me so I can kill him myself”

“He cheat you out of the job?”

“Yep, wouldn’t pay me after the job, said something about letting me take the fall or something. Never liked the bastard and I’ll be damned if he doesn't get something for setting me up like this”

“You think he let you get caught? Let you take the fall so that nopony would connect the murder to him?”

“I’d bet my left wing on it. Detective...before you go I want you to drop off something. I have a kid up in Cloudsdale. If you ever see him, give him this...” He handed me a small package with a tiny ribbon on it. “Give it to him if you ever find him...his name’s Stormfront...don’t tell him what I was”

“Alright Scarwing...I’ll take it to him if I ever see him...but this doesn't mean you won’t pay for your crimes against the Orange family and the Apple family”

“I know, but I just want to know I’ve left things better then I found it” He said, his voice had a tone of what sounded like...contentment.
___________________________________________

I stepped out of the room levitating the package beside me. Pinkie looked at me trying to come up with something to say. I shook my head, I wasn’t happy about committing him for this, but it needed to be done. I left the package on a seat and Pinkie fell into line beside me. After a while she finally got the courage to say “What’s gonna happen to him?”

“He’s looking at banishment for murder, and for the rest of his murders that he committed for profit” I said as plainly as I could. Pinkie deserved to be told straight what was going to happen.

“It’s so sad...that somepony would kill ponies like that and what’s worse is that he’s got a little colt he did it all for” She said. It was the second time I heard Pinkie Pie so somber. I hated seeing her like this.

“Pinkie...I hate it too but we gotta go on with the case” I said trying to comfort her.

“I just wasn’t expecting being a detective to be so...hard”

“It’s hardly ever easy when it comes to murder cases" I gave her a comforting smile “You just gotta face it”

“Thanks Private...that makes me feel a little better...” She smiled a little, though I could tell she was just trying to put on a brave face. I suddenly got an idea.

“Pinkie, could you wait outside for two minutes?”

“Sure! What for?”

“I got a little something for you”

I came outside two minutes later levitating a violin case with my magic. Pinkie’s eyes grew wide when she saw it. “You play the violin! That’s so cool! There was this one time when I used a whole bunch of instruments to ward off parasprites and…” I put a hoof on her mouth.

“Pinkie, just let me do the talking, I want to cheer you up” I removed my hoof and smiled.

“I don’t need cheering up!” She said a little too fast.

“Don’t lie Pinkie, I know how much Scarwing and his story tore you up. So...” I levitated out my violin. “I’m going to play you something I play whenever I feel bad after a case”

Pinkie sat down on the grass and I put the bow to the strings. The violin is the only instrument I could play perfectly. I took it up back when I was a colt and I used it whenever I felt alone or worried about something. I wasn’t good enough at it for it to be my cutie mark but it was something I enjoyed doing. I played a happy tune, one that got Pinkie’s smile slowly growing. She started making up lyrics for it as we played together. Something about smiling no matter what life throws at you. For five minutes we were in our own world, one where bliss and peace ruled, where nothing was complicated. It was the kind of world I think Pinkie lived in all the time. For a short while...I was a part of her world as well. I enjoyed every note, every lyric she came up with.

Life may get you down

Songs can end in the night

But so long as one never frowns

The world is filled with eternal joy and light!

Chapter 6: Revelation

Chapter 6

Revelation

It was a couple hours before Yahtzee showed up at the detention center. I sat on the other side of the glass as he was set into a chair. Let’s just say he wasn’t happy to be in a place with a whole bunch of cops.

“Hey you know who I work for! I wanna see my lawyer! I gots rights ya know!” He shouted angrily at the guards. I smiled; I loved it when they thought they could get away by shouting at us. Twilight entered the detention center some time later.

“That’s our suspect?” She asked curious.

“Yeah...Yahtzee, from his record he’s not a pony you’d want to be friends with”

“I figured...so how are we going to approach him?”

“You just let me do my thing, if I need your input I’ll ask”

“If you say so...by the way, thanks for what you did with Pinkie Pie” She smiled at me.

“Well, you’d do the same if-if you were in my position” I said almost stuttering it, why am I so flustered?

“Anyways, you got a perp to interrogate”

“Perp?”

“Yahtzee, I thought you called them perps...”

“Oh, you mean suspects? Well we have a bunch of different names for them”

“Really? Like what?” She said curiously

“Well I used to call ‘em slys, some of the guys on the force called them grill baits mostly because that’s what would happen once I got a hold of them. My former police chief is rather old school though, always called them dirtbags”

“Dirtbags? He’s that old school?” She said laughing a little.

“You should see his collection of Pee Wee Sherpony stuff. Though don’t tell him I said that”

“Pee Wee Sherpony? How old is he?!” She asked as I entered the interrogation room.

____________________________________________________________

“Look cop! I didn’t touch nopony’s flank! That bitch is lying I tells ya!” Yahtzee said as I entered the room. I didn’t smile but I did get a small kick out of the fact he was sweating.

“What you were doing looking at mare flanks is another cop’s business. I however want to know what you were doing at a certain farm” I sat down on a chair opposite him. He did his best to keep his face neutral and was failing miserably.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about mister! I don’t do business in agriculture! Where’s my lawyer!?”

“Your lawyer is having a good conversation with somepony right now” I didn’t tell him it’s with our favorite pink pony on the practical use of party cannons. It was just enough so I have an excuse to keep the lawyer out of the interrogation room. I had this bastard right where I wanted him. I looked him square in the eye, his scarlet mane riddled with sweat. “You were at Sweet Apple Acres just days before the murder of Tangerio Orange. Two witnesses can testify to you being there. I want to know why”

“Who’re your witnesses? Some half-drunk farm hoof and a hillbilly?”

“Apple Bloom, sister to Applejack and Scarwing...the hitpony you hired”

“I don’t know nothin’ about no hitpony!” He said way too fast for his own good.

“That’s not what Scarwing said, he’s already confessed to the hit that you hired him to do”

“He could be lying to cover his own flank!”

“He was already doomed to banishment anyway! What would he gain by lying? It doesn't make sense to me, it certainly won’t make sense to any judge hearing this testimony”

“So what if I did hire him? I have no reason to kill the damn kid!” He said, way too fast for his own good again.

“Oh you don’t have any reason. But somepony else does...” I tossed a small black book onto the table and his eyes grew huge. “There are a lot of names in that book...You’re a bookkeeper Yahtzee. You must know somepony who’d want Tangerio dead. You didn’t kill him; you were just the middle man between hitpony and client”

He was quiet for a moment then grinned evilly. “I see how this is going to go down...”

“You do now?” I said sarcastically

“You’re going to hand me that book...and let me go and face the sex harassment charges, I won’t get to go to the moon and you will become a very rich pony”

“You want to bribe me?!” I said incredulously.

“Just think of it as a way of sticking your head out of things you shouldn’t get into” He said “I might even throw you a key to the playpony mansion.”

That did it. My horn glowed and my magic grabbed him by the neck and slammed him onto the table. He let out a cry of pain as it happened...I didn’t care. “I’m not some prissy cop you can just buy off Yahtzee...I never accept bribes from anypony...especially scum like you...”

“You can’t hurt me! I know ponies that can make sure you never see a badge again!” He said as I kept adding on the pressure of my magic on his head. I could crush him with one burst from my horn. But I needed him alive for what I wanted.
“I just want to know the truth...is that so hard to ask? Your friends can’t save you from the moon anyway...or from a morgue” I said adding the tiniest bit of pressure.

“Damnit! Alright alright! I’ll talk! Just get off me!” I couldn’t really kill him...but he didn’t have to know that. He just needed to know he couldn’t sway me. I released my magical hold over him. He let out a gasp for air and coughed. “Damn cop! I’ll have your head for that!”

“After you sing little birdie...” I said after taking my seat again.

“Alright, I was hired by a pony of high standing to get somepony to kill the damn kid. But I didn’t kill him!”

“I know that, but you still acted as the middleman. I want to know who hired you to hire. And why you were at Sweet Apple Acres with Scarwing before the murder”

“To answer your first question I was hired by Mandarin Orange...he wanted Scarwing to kill the kid at a specific place at a specific time” Mandarin Orange? Tangerio’s father?! Now it made sense, it’s all starting to come together.

“He had his own son killed?! Why would he do that?!”

“I dunno, maybe he didn’t like the kid’s face or something? I’ll never understand the upper crust”

“Okay so Mandarin hired you to kill Tangerio. Why were you at the farm earlier?” I asked inquisitively

“I was told to deliver a message. If the owners didn’t sell the farm I was told to have Scarwing kill Tangerio” He said simply.

“Judging by Tangerio’s corpse sleeping in the morgue I’d say the farmers said no”

“Yeah, then I was told to not pay Scarwing and tip somepony off to where he lives. Apparently I have a poor choice when it comes to who I tip off” You got that right pal. Larksong isn’t the kind of mare you could cross and get away with.
“All to cover tracks leading to you and Mandarin...”

“Exactly...I wasn’t expecting you to be so difficult to sway...” he said his eyes narrowed.

“Why’d he want the Apples to sell their farm? The Oranges already have a huge chain of farms themselves” I asked meeting his gaze.

He shrugged “Dunno, I’m just the middleman I’m not one to question him. He’s one of my bigger buyers...though”

“Though what?”

“Do the names: Mrs. Grappey’s Grapes, Lemon Twist Lemons, and Avocado Fields ring a bell?”

“Those are all farm names why?”

“Well...Mandarin’s been buying farms left and right. Those are just some of them. I’d say Sweet Apple Acres is next or at least it was...”

“I see...You think Mandarin’s been buying them out for a reason?”

“I looked at the letter I dropped off to that big stallion...that was an awful lot of bits he’s willing to offer for the farm”

“Alright, I’m done here” I said getting up.

“So, do I go free? I haven’t committed any crimes...” That slime still tried to worm his way out of this. I answered his question by slamming him into the wall with magic.

“The little black book you have is enough to get you arrested. Don’t think you’ll ever get out anytime soon” I walked out without saying a word.

______________________________________

“Well that was a little...extreme.” Twilight said as we walked out of the detention center. “Did you really have to hit him like that?”

“I couldn’t stand it...slime like him I hate. I hate it when ponies think they can just bribe cops to look the other way. I’m not technically on the force so I can get away with stuff like this” I said trying to keep my voice neutral.

“You really lost it in there. I was worried I’d have to step in” Twilight said her voice laced with concern.

I nodded at her “Your concern is noted Twilight...but I’m fine”

“So what’s next!?” Pinkie shouted from behind me causing me to leap into a nearby tree. Twilight tried to hold back a laugh, so did Pinkie.

“What have I told you about scaring the pony with the weak heart?!” I yelled from my perch in the tree.

“You’ve really got to be more alert Private. It’s way too easy to sneak up on you!” Well I don’t expect a pink pony to teleport behind me thank you very much.

_____________________________________________

The three of us trotted up to Sweet Apple Acres just as the sun was about to go down. I had a hunch, but I needed to see if it would hold up.

“Ooh! I wonder if Applejack’s home? She’d want to know that Big Mac’s not going to jail now that we know who really did it!” Pinkie said while bouncing beside me.

Twilight spoke honestly “Pinkie we still need to know why Mandarin hired somepony who had Tangerio killed”

“Somepony is not getting invited to a Pinkie Party...” I knew she was referring to Mandarin.

I looked ahead and said to both of them “Which is why we are here, I want to know more about the Apple-Orange feud. Applejack will probably be able to tell us what happened” We trotted up to the door and I knocked on it.

It was answered by a familiar orange pony with a cowboy hat. “Howdy Detective! I see you brought Twilight and...Pinkie? What’re you doin’ here sugarcube?”

“I’m helping Private solve a case! Somepony is out to get Sweet Apple Acres! It’s a job that calls for only the greatest of detectives!”

Twilight frowned at Pinkie suddenly “Put them away...”

“Aww Twilight you’re no fun!” Pinkie put away the Sherlock Hooves hats. I tried not to laugh.

Applejack chuckled a little “Well come on in! Ah was just makin’ some apple pie!”

Applejack led us into the living room and set the best smelling pie I’ve ever seen in front of us. Twilight had to hold back Pinkie with her magic to keep her from devouring the whole thing. Pinkie wasn’t the only pony she had to worry about...I was tempted to eat the whole thing to.

Applejack took a seat opposite us and smiled “So, have ya found evidence to get my brother out of jail yet?”

I let out a breath as Twilight started cutting the pie “Yes, enough to get the case off Big Mac. But I want to know something Applejack. Do you know anything about the Apple-Orange feud?”

Applejack looked thoughtful for a moment then shook her head “Ah was just a filly at the time. But I do know somepony who was alive then!”

“Can we meet this pony? Do they live far?” I asked hopefully.

“She lives right ‘ere! Granny! The Detective wants tah talk to ya!” She shouted so that it echoed around the house.

I heard an old voice sound from the next room “Hold your horses! Ahm comin!”

In entered a very old mare with a green coat and a mane that’s long since turned white. She moved with a stooped back and I could swear the way she walked made her sound like a rusty bicycle. The old mare sat in a chair next to where Applejack was sitting.

She looked at me with old eyes “Who’re you? You that Dahtective that Applejack keeps rattling on about?”

I nodded “Detective Private Eye mam! I’m on the case your grandson is involved in”

“What? What you say?” She said holding a hoof to her ear

I raised an eyebrow then said a little louder “I’m the detective on your grandson’s case!”

“What you say?”

I repeated louder than before “I’m the detective on your grandson’s case!”

“Detect what now?” I facehoofed and finally lost it.

“DETECTIVE!!!!” I shouted into the old mare’s ear.

“Oh, well you don’t have to shout young man! It’s bad manners.”

Applejack chuckled a little “Granny Smith, this dahtective here wants to know about the feud back when I was a filly”

“Ooh! The feud that drove the Oranges out of town?”

I pulled out my notebook and started writing everything she said “Would you be so kind as to tell us what happened?”
Granny smiled a little and sat back in her chair. “Well, back when I was spry young mare I had two sons. Their names were Apple Buck and Mandarin Orange”

Chapter 7: Family Feud

Chapter 7

Family Feud

Granny sat back in her chair rocking gently as her eyes ventured to a different time and place. “Those two rascals did everything together. They played together, they worked together, they were practically inseparable”

“If they were inseparable what caused the feud?” I asked inquisitively

“Ah’m gettin to that young man! It’s bad manners to interrupt your elders y'know” I wasn’t about to argue with her. She was telling the story after all. “Now when they were old enough to work the farm by themselves they wanted to rename the farm ‘Apples and Oranges Acres’ but it was around that time when the differences between them started showin”

“What happened?”

“Well, Apple Buck wanted tah keep the farm traditional and farm the same way we’ve been doin since ah found the place. But Mandarin was always comin up with some newfangled means of farming. From orange pickers to some kinda chemical to keep pests of your oranges”

Twilight raised an eyebrow “Isn’t it a good thing Mandarin wanted to make the farm more modern?”

“Ya remember when the Flim-Flam brothers came to town?” Granny Smith said with an edge in her voice. “Mandarin was doing the same thing, tryin to speed up nature will only give you a sorry product. His oranges were never the quality Apple Buck had. A gap started to form between them when more ponies were willing to wait for good apples then subpar oranges”

Applejack looked at Granny Smith “But Granny, a simple business rivalry wouldn’t cause this kinda feud”

“You’re right dear, it wasn’t just the business…it was your mama that finally cemented the split” Granny Smith said gravely.

“My mama? What she gotta do with it?” Applejack said. I had a feeling she had quite a bit to do with it.

“Well, a few years after the boys got their business goin Apple Buck meets this beautiful young mare who moved here from a farm over east. Her name was Lilyblossom, she was Applejack’s mama. She was the kindest and prettiest mare he’d ever seen. Only problem was, Mandarin loved her too”

“I can guess they didn’t settle things with tea and small talk...” I said grimly as I stopped Pinkie Pie from taking a huge piece of the pie with my magic.

“Nope, it was all out war between ‘em. Problem was Mandarin got rich not from regular farmin but by selling his inventions and pesticide. Everything Apple Buck had went to the farm. He didn’t have a bit to spare to buy anything nice for her”

Twilight frowned “You can’t buy somepony’s love, Mandarin should’ve known that” Well where I come from you could buy love for fifty bits a night. But I’m pretty sure that’s not the love Twilight is talking about.

Granny Smith leaned back in her chair again “Well, a few months later Lilyblossom held a birthday party and invited everypony in town. She was quite popular among the stallions so the party was quite lavish. Mandarin came by the place with all these jewels and dresses he bought fer her. That turned away many a stallion in their quest for love. But not Apple Buck who came by the party for a short time and dropped off this old package he wrapped with newspaper for her”

Applejack looked at Granny, curiosity in her eye “What was in it?”

Granny pointed to the hat on Applejack’s head “That. It belonged to your grandfather, and his father before him. It was an Apple family tradition to hand the hat off to the next owner of the farm. Which is you dear”

“Wow…and ah thought it was just some old hat my mama wore to keep the…wait! My mama wore this hat? She accepted the gift from pa?!” Her face lit up in excitement.

“Yep, though not quietly. She marched up to mah front door the next day and demanded she see him. Ah let her in and the two got inta a huge argument. Apple Buck told her that the reason he gave it to her was because he loved her more than the farm. He was willin to give up something very important to him for her. That was a better gift than any of the dresses she got from Mandarin”

“That’s so romantic.” Pinkie Pie said with a sigh that all mares give when encountering anything remotely romantic.
Applejack took off her hat and looked at it for a quiet moment. “Mah pa did that for mama?”

Granny nodded “Apple Buck would marry Lilyblossom years later and have Big Mac a few months later. That’s what finally started the feud between AppleBuck and Mandarin...it started out with simple threats then it turned into all-out war. Pig stealin, sabotage, shootouts in the streets. It was a dark time fer both sides of the family”

I nodded “What ultimately caused the Oranges to leave town?”

Granny’s voice took on tone laced with sorrow. “Mandarin would marry some young mare from the city for her money...they had a colt named Tangerio. With his newfound money Mandarin was hopin to expand Apples and Oranges acres beyond Ponyville”

Twilight nodded “I can guess it didn’t go well over with Apple Buck...”

Granny nodded “Oh, he was furious at even the notion. Apple Buck argued that he’d never leave Ponyville behind for anything. The farm meant everything to him and he wasn’t willing to let it become like those farms down south that are really just factories made to look like farms”

Applejack put her hat back on “And that’s when the Oranges left?”

Granny frowned and I could see her eyes watering a little. “Yes, I watched my son walk out and turn his back on everything I tried to teach him about honesty and farmin. He didn’t look back as the train left Ponyville”

Applejack looked guilty “Had I known the Oranges were trouble...I never would’ve left Sweet Apple Acres”

“Don’t ya be sayin that stuff young lady!" Granny retorted "Ya left to find your place in the world. Had you never left you never woulda found out ya belonged here” Granny said that last bit with a smile on her face.

The two hugged for a bit, and I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t let the Apples lose something so important to them. I hated getting personally involved in cases like this, but I needed to if I wanted to bury this feud. It was time to pay Mandarin Orange a little visit.

___________________________________

We left Sweet Apple Acres behind as the sun was going down. I had a plan but I needed one final thing before I could move forward. I looked to Twilight. “Twilight, look into Mandarin’s wife. I want to learn why Tangerio looks nothing like his father.”

Twilight nodded “I’ll look into it, what are you going to do?”

“Get a warrant for an arrest. You and Pinkie meet me at Mandarin’s office building with as many cops as you can get”
Pinkie smiled “Are we gonna bust the bad guy? Show him all the bad things he’s done?”

“Yes Pinkie...we will”

____________________________

It was late at night as I sat in an office chair looking out at Manehatten’s skyline. It was pouring rain again, funny how I’ve come back to find my old friend the rain waiting for me. It was a calming rain that would put me to sleep normally. But tonight I would need every bit of my focus if I was going to put the nail in the coffin.

The door opened behind me and Mandarin Orange himself came out. He looked at me sitting in his chair and his green eyes glared at me. He had on an old fashioned business suit wet from the rain. “What the hell are you doing in my office?! Who are you?” He did not have the apple family accent.

“Detective Private Eye, I was hired to solve a case against your nephew Big Macintosh”

“That still doesn't explain what you’re doing here; get out before I call security!”

“Security is off tonight, and I’m here on a warrant. I’m legally allowed to be here tonight”

“For what purpose?”

“For getting you to talk about your son’s murder”

“Terrible tragedy...Tangerio was my only son you know, I’m holding a funeral for him tomorrow”

“Oh, you had more involvement in his death then you let on”

“What are you talking about!? I had nothing to do with his death!”

I turned away from the window and faced him, my face showing no emotion. “Oh, you had quite a bit to do with it Mr. Orange”

“So great detective...how was my son murdered?” His confidence was sickening.

“About a week ago you sent a letter to Big Macintosh offering to buy the farm for a ridiculous amount of bits. Big Mac wouldn’t sell so you had your snake Yahtzee hire a hitpony to try and intimidate him. Yahtzee sang like a bird when I applied a little pressure”

He growled “So! That doesn't mean I killed Tangerio! What does this have to do with the murder?”

“Quite a bit actually, I learned from the phone company that the night the murder occurred you made a call to Tangerio. As a detective I got a warrant to see your phone records and the operator told me all about the call. You told Tangerio to head to Ponyville to investigate Sweet Apple Acres”

“Again what does this have to do with the murder? I sent him, yes, to try and see how my niece was doing running the farm” He said trying to keep his voice calm.

I leaned back on the chair and put my hind hoofs on his desk just to irritate the bastard. “That night, Tangerio was murdered by Scarwing, the hitpony you hired to intimidate Big Mac; I found his feathers at the crime scene which proves he was there. Yahtzee then tried to let Scarwing take the fall for murdering your son”

“So this means my nephew isn’t going to the moon. So what?! Scarwing killed my son so why are you in my office?!”

“Because you hired Scarwing to frame Big Mac for murder, when that didn’t work Scarwing would take the fall for the murder. You however underestimated my integrity. I don’t accept bribes dear sir...”

“Yahtzee talked, I guess...”

“He said you hired him to have Tangerio killed that very night. Big Mac also got a letter that told him to go there, in order to put him in that spot so that he would be in jail and out of commission for farm work”

“Why would I want my own nephew in jail? He may be my brother’s son but he’s still family!”

“Because you knew that Sweet Apple Acres needed Big Mac to survive, with him out of the way the farm would be short its biggest asset. Applejack told me she wouldn’t have been able to make through last applebuck season without her friends to help. But if her friends kept helping her she’d have to hire them according to the law. You can’t just have a bunch of workers working for no pay without labor unions taking notice. While paying for her workers, Applejack would only be able to afford half of the apple trees she could plant. Her yield would be significantly smaller and the demand is just too high. Apple cider is there and gone like a chicken on caffeine”

His eyes narrowed “You’ve just showed me what I could gain from Big Macintosh being in prison...you still haven’t proved why I would murder my own son”

I didn’t say anything, just stared at him.

He smiled “Ah ha! Without motive I am innocent! No court will convict me of this ridiculous accusation. Maybe some rival had my son killed to get at me or maybe it was Yahtzee trying to get back at me for cheating him. Either way you can’t prove I killed Tangerio because I have no motive!” He started laughing and my face didn’t flinch or blink. My horn glowed however...and I telekinetically set down pictures. Pictures you wouldn’t want to show to anypony. Mandarin stared at the pictures his green eyes wide with shock.

“Your motive...was to cover up this little scandal. Tangerio isn’t your son at all. I got these pictures from an old friend of mine" My grey eyes didn't leave his for a second "It was going to be a huge scandal wasn’t it? Your wife, alone and unloved spent a night with a male prostitute. I can only figure you didn’t know about Tangerio’s blood father until recently. You thought you could escape. Have your son murdered and as a nice bonus, ruin the farm you were born and raised on. I can imagine it would’ve been the ultimate revenge against your brother”

He didn’t move. His eyes were wide in shock and he was sweating more water than the rain outside. He was caught in a corner at last.

“I always hated Ponyville...the limits brother set upon us...He had no ambition, no eye for progress! It was always tradition this! Tradition that! I wanted to expand the business beyond Ponyville but he was too stubborn to accept!”

“So you thought that destroying the farm would give you some kind of peace?”

“Call it vengeance or whatever you want! I couldn’t stand the fact that despite everything I did the Apples sold more than I ever could!”

“So you took over all those other farms to cover costs?”

“I had more than enough money to buy out the farm long ago! I bought out those farms to prove I could do it! But I knew that the Apples would never accept whatever amount of money I sent them! I tried to be reasonable with them! But no! They couldn’t be reasonable!”

“So you created this little scheme of yours...”

“It would’ve been perfect! Had you backed off the entire thing could’ve gone along smoothly!”

“A stallion once said something about the perfect crime, ‘that we don’t know about it...therefore it’s the perfect crime’ your crime was far from perfect”

“Well now I know how to make it truly perfect!” He pulled out a pistol from his coat, put it in his mouth and aimed it at me. Earth ponies don’t have good aim with firearms but they could hit a target like me from this range. “If you die the evidence dies with you!” he said his voice muffled from the gun.

“You wanna convict yourself for two murders?”

“Wha!?”

“I had this entire conversation recorded...and the cops are already here...”

Just then SWAT ponies burst through the door. They tackled Mandarin and a unicorn put hoofcuffs on him. Shinebadge himself entered, his old fashioned police uniform wet from the rain. “Mandarin Orange, you're under arrest for the murder of your own son. Celestia have mercy on your soul…”

Epilogue

Case 1

Epilogue

The Police put Mandarin inside the police carriage. He went out with the look of a defeated man. He thought his crime was perfect but he underestimated how far I was willing to push. The rain fell on my fedora and I would be drenched eventually. I didn’t care though, the case was over with and I could relax a little.

Twilight stood beside me as the carriage was taken away with Mandarin inside. She looked at me. “What’s going to happen to him now?” she asked.

“Well, he’s looking at banishment not just for murder but also for trying to frame Big Macintosh” I said solemnly “He’s not going to be seeing Equestria again anytime soon”

Twilight blinked then nodded “Well so long as this whole mess is wrapped up”

“Yeah, I’d say we can call this case closed” I said as I began to trot away.

“Where are you going?” Twilight said, one of her eyebrows raised.

“My apartment, I gotta put away my case notes” I said

“Aren’t you going to stay at Ponyville? I thought...no, you have no reason to stay there anymore” Was it just me...or did Twilight sound like she wanted me to stay in Hic-I mean Ponyville?

“I’ll come and visit once in a while Twilight. Who knows? Maybe a case will take me back to Ponyville” I said trying to lift the mood despite the pouring rain.

Twilight and I walked back to my apartment. Spike caught up with us talking with Twilight about how awesome the SWAT ponies were. I stopped dead at my door. All my stuff was sitting in the rain...and an eviction notice was on the door. I spent all my time on the case I completely forgot about all that unpaid rent. I seethed with building rage at myself and the landstallion.

I looked at Twilight “Cover....Spike’s...ears....” I said through clenched teeth. Twilight did so quickly. I looked at the sky and shouted “F********************-!!!!!!”
___________________________

“Not even a letter of warning or nothing! Right before I get paid for this dang case to! It’s as if the case was just a wild conspiracy to get me out of my apartment!!” I ranted as I dragged my crap with my magic.

“I’m sorry Private, had I known you were in that much trouble financially...” Twilight said lifting some of my stuff with her magic as well.

“It’s not your fault Twilight. I should’ve made sure to pay the bills before I took the case. It’s my fault you and I are lugging all this crap in the pouring rain. Let’s get out of this downpour before we catch a cold”

We stepped down into a subway station to get out of the rain. I shook myself to get the water out of my coat and mane. Twilight and Spike did the same.

Twilight set my stuff down and I did the same. We sat on a bench together Spike sitting on a suitcase with my stuff. For some reason he looked a little, queasy. Twilight looked at me. “If you need a place to stay I got a spare room at the library”

“Thanks for the offer Twilight but I wouldn’t want to impose”

“Think of it as thanks for helping get Big Mac out of jail”

“He should be out soon actually, my old boss sent the letter to the detention center this morning”

“That’s good to hear, Applejack will be glad he’s back”

I looked at Spike who was holding his stomach like he was about to throw up “Spike, you okay? Did you eat something bad?”

Suddenly Spike belched fire. I ducked to avoid the flame and it singed my fedora a little. A scroll fell into my lap. Twilight raised an eyebrow “A letter from Princess Celestia?”

I looked at Twilight not amused at all “Maybe she should look for a safer means of delivering her mail” I used my magic to levitate water to douse my fedora.

Spike took the scroll in hand, cleared his throat and began to read it aloud.

Dear Private Eye,

I cannot thank you enough for all you’ve done for Ponyville. You handled the case with not just good logic and deducing but honor and integrity as well. Qualities I wish for you to share with all the ponies of Ponyville. I’ve made arrangements for you to have an office set up in Ponyville. All expenses will be paid and all I ask is for you to keep solving cases like you did this one. I’ve also decided to assign Twilight as your assistant in solving these cases. She’s a good student and working with you on these cases will help her learn how to apply the knowledge she’s gained. Take good care of her and I look forward to hearing about the rest of your cases.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Spike closed the scroll and my jaw was on the floor. Here was Princess Celestia, absolute monarch of all of Equestria and she wanted to give me an office, in Ponyville of all places. I couldn’t help but question her motives. But hey, I wasn’t about to argue against getting an office for free. Twilight closed my mouth and smiled “I guess we’ll be working together from now on”

“Yeah, I guess we are” I said still reeling over what Spike had just read.

Spike looked at me excitedly “So does this mean we’re detectives now!?”

“Not officially, though I might need your help on a case Spike”

“You can count on me!” Spike said proudly “I’m the number 1 assistant to your assistant after all!”

Twilight looked at the scroll puzzled “Still...I wonder why Celestia would give you special attention. She doesn't do these things like this for just anypony...”

I nodded “We’ll figure out her motives later, I gotta go make a call, you guys go on ahead. I’ll meet you at the train station later”

Twilight nodded and picked up her share of my crap “Alright, come on Spike”

She walked out of the subway station on her way to the train station. I stepped into a phone booth and put in a bit to use the phone. After two rings Nurse Jubilee answered “This is the hospital, how can I help you?”

“Helloo Nurse!” I said and got a giggle on from the receiver.

“You flatter, what can I do for you Private?”

I told her about all that’s happened and she took it pretty well. “So I need you to look after Tailspin for a little while longer until I get settled” I said

“We’ll take care of him Private don’t worry. About your hospital bills...”

“I told you before Jubilee, no price is too high as far as my brother is concerned”

“That’s the thing; somepony has already paid the bill in full”

I didn’t have any rich relatives I was close to or that would be willing to pay for him. Tailspin’s bills weren’t cheap. “Who paid them?”

“Somepony named Larksong”

I didn’t say anything for a long time. Larksong paid them? I know she liked Tailspin when we were together but that was before all hell broke loose. “Did she say why she paid them?”

“Nope, just slapped a check on my desk and said ‘this goes to Tailspin’ and left. Is she a friend of yours Private?”

“Was, she was a friend of mine. Thanks for looking out for Tailspin Jubilee” I said smiling a little.

“Anytime Private, all the nurses love Tailspin and we aren’t about to let him starve on the streets” That was Tailspin alright, that brother of mine could get any mare wrapped around his hoof. Probably the main reason he’s managed to stay in the hospital for so long.

“Thanks, good night” I hung up the phone after she said goodbye. I looked up as the rain touched my muzzle. Larksong...like the rain you are always present...but I will never understand you.
_____________________________________________

I arrived back at Ponyville about two days later. I managed to get what I needed from my (now vacant) office. I had enough bits left over from my pay from the case to pay for train tickets and luggage fees. I arrived at Ponyville to a small fanfare courtesy of a small party wagon set out on the train stop. Pinkie Pie leaped to my side as I got off the train. “Oh Private! I’m so glad you get to stay in Ponyville! I’ve never been this happy since, well, ever!!!”

I smiled at her; I couldn’t help but do so with this pink ball of energy. “Thanks Pinkie, it’s certainly going to be an interesting time”

“I can’t wait for you to meet all my friends! There’s Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, and all sorts of Ponies I want you to meet!”

“Maybe after I get settled Pinkie, I got an office to check out”

“Okey Dokey! I’ll see ya later Private!” She hopped off taking her party wagon with her. I smiled as I watched her hop away. That pony could make even the crankiest of ponies smile.

I walked to the library and was greeted by an enthusiastic Spike and a smiling Twilight. Twilight walked up to me “I got the address for the new office. It’s in one of the old offices that the city council used to use. I’ll take you to it”

Spike leaped onto Twilight’s back and we started to trot into town. I was given looks by all the ponies there. Instead of the looks of fear and worry I got earlier I got looks of relief and hope. Like I was some kind of pony who was going to come and make things better. In a way I was, but I didn’t much like the attention, couldn’t do my job with everypony hounding me for an autograph or some means of expressing thanks for clearing up the mess in town. We walked to an older looking building with a sign hanging above door.

Private Eye

Detective Agency

“Solving crimes in the blink of an Eye!”

I facehoofed. Why did Celestia have to keep that stupid pun? Twilight held the door open for me and I stepped in. The office was spacious with two desks in it. One was in front of a window with a good view behind it of the town square. The other was a smaller desk with a set of file cabinets next to it. I can only guess that was Twilight’s desk and the one by the window was mine. The room also had a chemistry set for anything a detective could possibly need. A small computer sat by itself on Twilight’s desk as well, the newest model from Berry. A bookshelf was by the door filled with all sorts of books a crime solver could use. There was also a small coach on one side of the room. I looked around taking it all in. “When she said all expenses would be paid I didn’t expect her to fully equip me”

Twilight looked at me as Spike dismounted her to look around at the new room. “Sometimes even I don’t understand the princess at all. But it’s great she’s willing to do this for you”

I noticed a small basket on my desk right then. I trotted up to it. It was filled with apple sweets: apple pies, apple tarts, apple fritters. I didn’t even have to look at the card to guess where they came from. I looked at the card on the basket anyways.

Just a lil thank you for helping mah family. Big Mac is going to be released tommahra and I’m so happy ya managed to help us. I would never have suspected somepony from my family would do something so dishonest. Anyways, here’s a little somethin to get some meat on those skinny bones of yers.

Applejack

I wasn’t that skinny! I just didn’t eat like I should. I shook my head and set the card down. Twilight was already hard at work organizing everything. I was tempted to knock over the bookshelf with my magic just to mess with her. I leaned back in my office chair and looked out the window. Watching the Ponies go about their daily business again gave me some form of peace. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was only the start of an interesting time of my life.

Author's Note

For the next chapter in Equestria Noir here's the link http://www.fimfiction.net/story/39154/equestria-noir-case-2-deaths-front-door#page/2

Hello everybody this is Jacoboby1, from the FUTURE. Yeah, so before you go forward with this series there is something you should know. Pretty much from here, to Case 11, the cases are unedited and will be faced with spelling and grammar errors. This was before I got an editor to help me with this series. Also, all the stories are in chronological order, from the order I published them. Don't expect any continuity weirdness unless the story says it takes place at a specific time. So, good luck, and keep reading.

Chapter 2: Dead Men Tell Tales

Chapter 2

“Dead Men tell tales”

“How in the name of Celestia did you convince me to let you tag along?” I complained sourly as I walked through town with Twilight next to me. I was not happy about her tagging along and she was well aware.

Her violet eyes looked at me with some manner of annoyance. “It’s my town so I’d think I would have a right to try and find out what happened. Besides, it’s a little exciting actually solving a real mystery.” I couldn’t deny that she looked a little excited, and that's what had me worried.

“This isn’t a picnic you know. Let’s go and find the crime scene.” It wasn’t difficult to find as there was a huge crowd of ponies gathered around a small alleyway between three buildings. There was a post office on the left, a hardware store on the right and the back wall of a hair salon between them, blocking the exit of the alley. It was a one way alleyway mainly used for garbage; today however, it was a crime scene.

The crowd parted when me and Twilight came up, many of them were whispering about me.

“Is that the detective...?”

“I heard he’s from Manehatten...”

“He’s not what I expected...”

I largely ignored them and walked on. I looked at the two police ponies serving as guards and they held up the police tape for me and Twilight to duck under. Crouching near the body was an older pony with a dark coat and a mane that had long since turned grey. He looked up at me and laughed. “Well I’ll be damned, if it isn’t Private! I didn’t think you’d come.”

This was Forceps; he’s a pathologist, which basically means he looks at dead bodies all day. Personally I think he’s been on the job for far too long. He had a strange fixation with some of his corpses. Forceps however was the best pony when it came to autopsies and I’d trust my left leg with him.

“Good to see you as well old timer, I see you haven’t retired yet.”

He laughed again. “They can’t make me retire; I’m the only one who’s any good at the job. Besides it means I get to travel often and see lots of ponies.” By ponies he meant corpses.

I shook my head and smirked, Forceps had an, interesting sense of humour. “What have we got here?” Forceps stepped aside and I saw the body. Twilight must’ve seen it as well because two seconds later I heard somepony vomit in a trash can. I stepped close to the body and bent down, using telepathy to pull out my magnifying glass to examine the body.

Forceps started talking as I looked at the body. “Stallion, I’d say about college age, orange mane, a light yellow coat.” He then started listing off random facts about the body. Some you really don’t want to know.

“Ultimate cause of death?” I asked.

“I’d say blunt force trauma thanks to somepony bucking the guy in the head, though I’d have to take him to the lab to get a closer study.”

“Can you estimate a time of death?”

“I’d say around midnight judging by the temperature of the body, again I’d have to take him to the lab if you want anything resembling accuracy.” I nodded and stood up. By then Twilight had recovered from her brief lapse with sickness. I walked up to her; she made every effort not to look at the body.

She looked at me apologetically. “Sorry it’s just, this wasn’t what I was expecting at all…”

“Happened when I saw my first murder victim Twilight, don’t think you’re the only one who’s lost their lunch over something like this.” She seemed somewhat reassured, and then I noticed she was levitating something, it was a wallet. “The victim's wallet?”

“Mmhm, I found it on the ground just by the trash cans, somepony tried to dispose of it but missed the can.” She opened it and had a look inside; she pulled out one of the cards in the pockets and showed it to me. I looked at it; it was a farmer’s license with a picture of our victim and a name: Tangerio Orange.

“Tangerio Orange, says here that he’s a farmhand for South Orange County Fields. That's a really big orange farm way down in the tropics.”

“You know that off the top of your head?” Twilight said, sounding a little impressed.

“No knowledge is useless in the field of criminal justice” I said sagely “I have subscriptions to 16 magazines of various subjects.”
She smiled a little, I must have impressed her a little with my knowledge. I turned my attention back to license; at least now the Police can contact a next of kin. I walked over to one of the uniforms he turned to me I levitated him the wallet in a plastic bag. “Have the labs analyse this, and also contact his family and inform him of the bad news will you?”

“Yes sir! Also detective, we have a mare over there who says she saw what happened.” He gestured to a mint green pony talking with another officer. “She says she saw our suspect fleeing the crime scene last night.”

“She saw somepony? Who was he?”

“I hate to say it. But it was Big Macintosh, big fella who works with his family on Sweet Apple Acres.” I had heard of Big Macintosh, or Big Mac as he’s known locally. He along with his two sisters and grandma were the resident workers on the farm. “We had him arrested on suspicion and he’s being kept at the detention centre at town hall.”

Twilight, who was next to me, shook her head. “Big Mac would never hurt anypony; he’s one of the nicest stallions I know.”

“Let’s talk to the witness and make sure she has her story straight.” I walked to the pony in question. She looked the same age as Twilight and me. She looked at me, her yellow eyes betraying her worry for what was going on. I spoke plainly but firmly. “Miss, I’m Detective Private Eye and I was told you saw what happened last night.”

She nodded. “Yes that’s me, I’m Lyra by the way. But, I don’t think Big Mac did anything wrong! I...”

“Nopony is saying anypony has done anything, just say what you saw.”

She nodded again and sat down on her rump. I sat down as well, keeping my face level with hers. I had to see if there was anything funny in her testimony.

She took a deep breath and said, “Alright, I was working very late last night on a new song with my friend Octavia, we were going to audition for a show in Canterlot next week and she insists on long practices. When I got out it was almost midnight. As I was walking home I heard a huge crash from the alleyway there. I ran to investigate when I saw Big Mac running out of the alleyway, he looked so scared and he ran off before I could stop him. I stepped into the alley to see what scared him and then...” Her eyes started to well up, Twilight handed the poor mare a tissue to wipe her eyes with.

“Now you’re sure it was Big Mac you saw? It wasn’t just somepony who looked like him?” I asked, my voice even.

“No, the street was lit last night so I could see it was him. Oh Celestia’s flowing mane tell me Big Mac didn’t do it!” She obviously felt guilty for witnessing Big Mac. In all honesty I would’ve felt guilty myself but right now there wasn’t time for that.

“Thank you Lyra, You’ve been a big help...did you see anypony else leave the alleyway?”

She looked thoughtful for a moment then said, “No, but I could’ve sworn I felt something fall on me when I entered the alleyway. I think it was just a fly or something.”

I nodded to Twilight who understood, she trotted off to look over the crime scene again. I turned to Lyra whom had calmed down. “Thanks Lyra, We’ll get to the bottom of this, I promise.”

_________

“Well did you find anything?” I asked as I walked beside Twilight. She had a saddlebag on containing various items inside.

“One thing actually that I found interesting, I found this on the ground near one of the trashcans.” She levitated out a rather large black feather. “A feather that belongs to a Pegasus”

“Twi, that feather could’ve been dropped from anypony that happened to be flying by. But hang onto it, it may prove useful.”

She looked a little disappointed that what she found was not some all revealing clue. We stepped into the detention centre. It was attached to town hall and was rarely used by anypony. I would take that as a good sign if it didn’t mean I’d be out of work.

I walked up to the officer guarding the door. “Detective Private Eye, I’m here to see Big Mac.” the officer nodded and stepped into a side door.

In five minutes I was sitting on a chair with only a little strip of unbreakable glass between me and the biggest stallion I’d ever seen. It was obvious he was a workhorse, what with his large frame and the yoke he had around his neck. He had a red coat and blond mane, his eyes made it almost look like he was bored. He just had this well mellow look about him. I couldn’t peg this guy for murder if I tried.

He picked up the phone so we could speak to each other. I started the talking, “You Big Mac?”

“Eeyup.” He had a very distinctive accent.

“I’m Detective Private Eye. Are you aware of why you are here?”

“Eeyup.”

“Are you the one who committed the murder of Tangerio Orange?”

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“Nope.” At least he didn’t try and beat around the bush. This was a pony of simple words.

I took out my notebook and started writing things down. “Did you know Tangerio?”

“Eeyup.”

“How did you two know each other?”

“He’s mah cousin.” So he does know more than two words!

“Did you guys have any fights or anything?”

“Nope.” Luna’s horn this was going to get old fast. I decided to stomp on the Parasprite here.

“Big Mac, Lyra testified that she saw you last night leaving the alley Tangerio was found in. Can you please explain what you were doing there?”

Suddenly his eyes turned from mellowness to serious. “That’s family business Detective. There is no way Ah’d ever even think of hurting anypony!” I apparently stepped on a nerve as big as a manticore.

“I believe that” I said, trying to keep my voice level “So why were you in the alley?”

“Again Detective, that’s private family business and Ah don’t think ya need to hear it.” This guy was as stubborn as a mule, and I’ve met a lot of mules to know that.

“Big Mac, did anybody threaten you? There’s no way you’d be there just for a late night stroll!”

His eyes looked at me, then down, and then he set down his yoke and dug something out of it. It was a note written in very fine hoof writing.

Dear Big Macintosh

Come to the alleyway by the post office. If you don’t I will personally buyout the farm with or without your consent.

M. O.

“Somepony was trying to buy your farm?”

“Eeyup, some big fancy pony who don’t know a lick about Sweet Apple Acres has been trying to get me to sell the farm.”

“I can tell you didn’t accept.”

“Horseapples Ah didn’t accept! The farm is mah responsibility! Ah wouldn’t sell it fer nothin!”

“So you went to the alley and saw Tangerio, that's when you ran?”

“Eeyup, he was already dead when I got there, real shame.” he said in a sombre tone.

“Did you see anyone leave the crime scene?”

“Nope, but I did see a big shadow fly off, coulda sworn it looked like uh Pegasus.”

So, Twi’s theory of a Pegasus being there may not be so far-fetched.

“Thank you Big Mac, I promise I’ll get you out of here somehow.”

“Ah’m sorry I wasn’t up front with ya, Ah’ve never told anypony about it.”

“What’s important Big Mac is that we find who did this and stop him from hurting others.”

“Detective, please could ya take this to mah sister Applejack?” He slid a small envelope under the little opening in the glass. I looked at it the levitated it into my trench coat.

“Alright, and Big Mac, I want you to know I’m behind you.”

His green eyes looked at me uncertainly. “Why Detective? Ah yelled and screamed and almost lied to ya. Anypony else would’ve called it quits when I started the yellin part.”

“You just wanted to protect your family from getting caught up in this hell. I admire any pony that puts his family above himself.” I turned away and walked out.