Road Boys: Violence is Magic

by walruslad

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Science Fiction, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1418

Two space faring bikers go on a quest to save Ponykind from a evil wizard and his army of apes

In the midst of a Crisis that threatens all of Equestria, Twilight and her friends open an portal to summon legendary heroes who must save them from an power-hungry tyrant. Unfortunately, the heroes who come to aid them aren't exactly what they would expect and end up causing more havoc than Twilight and the Mane Six can handle

Published 2018-01-14 19:50:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-14 19:50:12 UTC

Chapter 2 The Spawn of Annoyance

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Chapter 1 Heroes or Bananas

Author's Note

Author's Note

This is my first story on this website. Warning, there will be blood, gore, shameless sex and lots of black comedy. So I hope you read and enjoy , Peace.

Thanks
Walruslad

Chapter 1 Heroes or Bananas

It was the peak of dawn, the Everfree Forest had awoken to the touch of daylight, the plants were blossoming and the animals were prancing in the sunshine. It would start as a typical day in the land of Equestria, but typical wouldn't suit this day nor would it suit the chain of events that will circulate through the lives of our favorite characters in this particular untypical story.

We take the scene and change it to something more befitting, like adjusting the current location, the Everfree Forest, to a remote field scattered with rocks and boulders. Now we focus the scene onto a group of six colorful ponies (as you know the Mane Six) led by our hero Twilight Sparkle, as she is about to cast a new and mysterious spell.

"Is everything ready?" Twilight asks.

"Pretty much Twi, all you gotta do now is cast your hocus pocus spell or whatever you Unicorns do" Applejack replies.

"Okay then, I always like trying new spells but I hope this one actually proves to be something beneficial for once, unlike the last ones" says Twilight.

"Um Twilight, you're my best friend and I trust you most of the time but I don't know about this, it seems kinda, actually a lot dodgy" Fluttershy speaks.

"Yeah, for all we know these guys could be even worse than that evil green warlord who took over Canterlot, and portal magic isn't an practically sound answer to our problem, in fact it was a portal that caused the problem in the first place" Rainbow Dash interjects.

"I got a really really bad pinkie sense guys, it's the biggest, weirdest, smelliest feeling I ever got and it's telling me something catastrophic is gonna come through that portal if we open it" Pinkie says, her body and tail quivering violently.

"And that's coming from Pinkie Pie's pinkie sense. Twilight, this still seems like a bad idea and I'd rather not have two monsters turning Equestria into an apocalyptic hellhole" Rainbow Dash says, trying to get her point across.

"Guys I get it, you're terribly scared and so am I, I'm scared out of my wits but we really don't have a choice here" Twilight counters.

"We always have a choice darling, we just don't see it yet" Rarity replies.

"I'm sorry Rarity but we really don't have a choice, Canterlot has been conquered, the royal princesses are imprisoned, and now that devil's armies are marching through Equestria, destroying everything they encounter and they are looking for us" Twilight replies annoyed.

The five ponies fall back a little, startled by Twilight's angry outburst. Twilight calms herself, stands confidently and speaks again.

"I'm sorry guys but this really is our only choice. Princess Celestia told me to get help and right now we need help more than ever. I would prefer not to cast this spell and use the portal magic, but as a Guardian of Friendship I need to put away my own discomforts and protect all Ponykind from evil. If you resent me for it I understand, but I am doing this with or without your help" Twilight reaffirms to the Ponies.

"Well when you put it like that, I guess we gotta do what we gotta do" Applejack says, siding with her friend.

"We could never resent you darling, friends til death depart us" Rarity swears.

"If you think we have to do it, than we'll help you Twilight, even if it's scary" Fluttershy also agrees.

"Group hug" Pinkie Pie shouts in pure enjoyment.

"Fine, I'll go along with it, but if this backfires you owe me a double chocolate sundae Twilight" Rainbow Dash agrees reluctantly.

The Mane Six hug each other, reinforcing their strong friendship since it started in Season One (oh just broke the fourth wall a little).

"Okay guys, let's save Equestria" Twilight boats triumphantly.

"Alright, go Friendship" everyone shouts.

The six ponies gather in front of the tacky but structured stone portal hub they had made tirelessly from rocks and dirt, connected by layers of rope and some glue Pinkie found at a Staples. Twilight walks in front of the portal hub and begins to summon magical energy into her horn. After a few minutes of epic tension,Twilight's horn glows a purple aura, meaning she has enough magic.

With a stroke of her neck Twilight shoots a purple beam of magical energy into the portal hub, the hub glitters with magic and suddenly a crack appears. The crack expands into a large black void and energy begins foaming around the void; Twilight had just opened a hole in reality. The portal starts shaking fiercely and the ground rumbls, causing cracks to open in the earth.

Everyone starts panicking, "We are all gonna die" Pinkie shrieks.

"Guys calm down, we can't back away now, not if we are this close" Twilight shouts trying to calm her friends.

"I'm gonna die a virgin" Rainbow Dash cries and at that moment a black ball of smoke bursts out of the portal and crashes into the ground like a meteorite.

The portal closes and the stone portal hub collapses into a pile of rocks and broken rope. The Mane Six quiet down and move cautiously towards the meteorite, intrigued by what they had just summoned. They continue to move towards the crash landing and Twilight desiring to inspect what thing could have just landed in Equestria, was staring into the smokey debris.

"Oh cock-noodles" a voice yells in anger and the Mane Six immediately disperse and hide behind a boulder, frightened by the grudging voice they just heard.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you drive the bike."

"How was I supposed to know it was a black hole, you should have warned me."

"I did, 33 times to be exact but you were baked out of your goddamn mind and watching porn on your phone when you should have been paying attention."

"I have a sexual preference that is misunderstood by society and you can't always go bananas when I make a tiny mistake."

"It was a colossal mistake and how do you think i'm supposed to react when you fuck things up you loon?"

Twilight moves away from the boulder she was hiding behind to get a better look at the commotion that is going on in the smoke. "What in Celestia is going on back there?" Twilight curiously asks.

Two figures appear out of the smoke, revealing a bipedal muscular blue shark with a biker jacket and dark navy jeans. Beside him is a small brown monkey wearing a Jamaican hat, goatee and smoking a cigarette.

"You better find a way out of this quick Bob" the shark says.

"Be taking it easy Scorch, after all i'm the smartest mammal in the universe" the monkey replies.

"You keep on saying that, mate" Scorch says back in a grumpy tone.

Twilight, disturbed by the mannerisms of these strangers, steps back but accidentally kicks a rock that catches the attention of the monkey.

"Stranger Danger" Bob shouts and points at Twilight with his index finger; Scorch grabs his shotgun and aims at the trembling Unicorn.

"Freeze dirt bag, come out and show yourself before I do something very violent" Scorch threatens.

Twilight, with just enough courage, revealed herself to Scorch and Bob, raising her hoofs as a sign of hospitality. "I am Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and do not wish any spite towards you good gentlemen."

Scorch and Bob are utterly baffled by the appearance of the purple unicorn and can't think of a quick reply. "A talking pony, now I seen everything" Scorch says sarcastically.

"PONIES, I love me some Ponies" Bob yells excitedly.

"Are you heroes prophesied to come save Equestria from the clutches of darkness and evil?" Twilight asks politely.

"What the fuck is Equestria? And i'm no hero lady" Scorch replies.

"Banana, I am not a hero, I am a proud banana, just to let you know. How rude of you to say that i'm a hero" Bob says in passionate defense.

"What?" Twilight asks, confused by Bob's answer to her question.

"He's baked out of his mind, anyway who are you and what is this evil you ramble about" Scorch asks Twilight.