Letters to Sunset

by SurprisePinkiePinkiePie

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Drama, Gore, Equestria Girls, Tragedy, Main 7 (EqG)
Length: 5245

A recursive AU fic of SciTwi Shimmer Book 2, the HuMane 5 and Twilight write letters to Sunset.

NOTE: This is a recursive fanfiction of SciTwi Shimmer Book 2: It's Time To Leave by pabrony83. It is HEAVILY reccomended that you read SciTwi Shimmer Book 2 before reading this. Heck, read SciTwi Shimmer if you don't intend on reading this anyway because pabrony83 is amazing. Also, thanks to pabrony83 for proofreading this.

Twilight is stressed out. After dealing with Lyra she finally gets to the bathroom for a much-needed break...and finds something that would change her life forever. Now she, her friends, and everyone in the human world must cope with Sunset Shimmer's suicide.

(Trigger warning: contains suicide)

Published 2017-11-01 05:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-19 19:27:24 UTC

Introduction

Twilight Sparkle was stressed.

With good reason, too. She was in a foreign world- one she was visiting for the second time and one she had been in for a few days now, but that didn't change the fact that it was a completely foreign world. She had to cope with her human body she had no idea how to use, she had to rely on her friends to supply her with basic needs for the week, and she had to learn to write a counter-spell on her own without any sort of context on how to write a counter-spell in time for the Battle of the Bands.

With all her friends relying on her to get the counter-spell done, it was no wonder that she didn't notice Sunset Shimmer excusing herself to go to the bathroom. By an improbable coincidence she happened to decide just a few seconds after Sunset had left for the bathroom that she needed a break from all the pressure.

"I'm just going to the bathroom," she murmured. "Back in a minute."

She began walking towards the bathroom. She was around halfway through the hallway when she was distracted by the sound of someone slamming their locker door shut. She turned to see Lyra Heartstrings screaming in frustration, throwing her backpack onto the floor and furiously searching through it.

"Lyra?" Twilight asked nervously. The green girl looked up, blushing slightly.

"Oh, Twi, thank God- I'm super embarassed to ask this, but.....Do you have a tampon?"

"Eh?" muttered Twilight, sifting through her brain to remember what a tampon was. Sunset had definitely told her about it at some point- was it something humans had to have with them for some reason? Something about periods- apparently humans bled out of their.....parts......for a week every month and this was considered totally normal. Humans were weird. "Err, sorry, I don't have one."

"Ugh!" screamed Lyra, putting her bag back on and running off. Twilight stared for a few seconds, then went on into the bathroom. What she saw would change everything.

Sunset Shimmer was lying face-down on the floor, her skin now a softer yellow than Fluttershy, blood slowly dripping from her left arm. "Sunset!" screamed Twilight, kneeling down to check if she was okay.

That was when it all started to go fuzzy. Maybe someone had heard her scream, or maybe she had told someone to get help, but either way it wasn't long before Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna were in the bathroom examining her. Police were called and students were sent home. An email was sent out but most of the kids were used to only checking their emails once a month and assuming anything important would be sent through texts, so it was a great shock to everyone when the whole school was called for an assembly as soon as school started the next day,

"Twilight!" called Rainbow Dash, running over to her friend. "You and Sunset didn't come to the sleepover last night. What gives?"

Twilight bit her lip. She had gone back to Equestria for the night to tell her friends about what had happened, to have a shoulder to cry on and to make sure they knew she might not be back for a while. She didn't feel ready to tell Rainbow and the others just yet. She looked down and started walking faster, pretending not to hear.

Rarity followed after them. "Sunset's not answering the phone, darlings," she said sadly. "Twilight, do you know if anything has happened to her?"

Twilight pretended not to hear them once again as they sat down in the gymnasium. They saw Principal Celestia, a solemn look on her face, slowly walking towards the microphone on the stage, her sister following her and standing off to the side.

"You may all be wondering why the school was closed yesterday," she began. "A certain....event....took place shortly after round three of the battle of the bands that required me to close the school temporarily so the police could investigate."

The students all sat up eagerly, wanting to know what could possibly warrant an investigation. A few older students began chatting amongst themselves, but Luna's piercing glare was enough to get them quiet.

"Shortly after round three of the battle of the bands, Sunset Shimmer was found dead in the bathroom. It's currently being ruled as suicide."

The students gasped. The room descended into whispered chatter, from strangers murmuring about whether that was the same girl that turned into a demon, to ex-bully victims muttering about how she deserved it, to her peers trying to figure out why she would have possibly killed herself. But most of the chatter came from the same six girls.

"She WHAT?" choked Pinkie Pie.

"Oh my....oh my gosh...." muttered Rarity.

"She was suicidal?" asked Applejack. "Ah mean, Ah knew she'd started hurting 'erself, but Ah....Ah never thought...."

"I had no idea," muttered Fluttershy meekly before grabbing Twilight into a hug, softly crying into her shoulder.

Celestia coughed slightly. "School is suspended for the remainder of the day. Class will resume as normal tomorrow but those who shared a class with Sunset will not be required to bring their books for those classes as the lesson will be devoted to talking about her death. The battle of the bands is cancelled, and remember that you can always talk to our school counselor if you need help coping."

* * *

Partly out of fear that Princess Celestia would blame her, partly because she felt the need to be with others going through the same experience as her, Twilight ended up staying in the human world more often than she expected. She would stay in the pony world for around a week, then spend anything from two days to a fortnight with her human friends in Canterlot High.

It wasn't long, of course, before she announced to her friends that she had an idea and that they had to meet at Fluttershy's house that night. It was just under a month since the initial assembly, and still not much was known. Apparently the police were going to read out her suicide note in a week, but apart from that, the school as a whole had no idea what she had been going through that drove her to kill herself.

Rainbow Dash stared at Twilight's 'idea', which was a small, dark blue book, with no words on the cover. She took it and flipped through it. Just a bunch of lined pages, like the books they wrote in at school. She put it back down, and stared some more. "A journal?"

"Kind of," she explained. "The counselor gave me the idea of writing a letter to Sunset, to......to tell her all the things I want to say to her now. I figured that we could all use a chance to......talk to her......in a way."

She gulped, took a pen from Fluttershy's desk, opened the book, and started writing.

Pinkie Pie 1

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

Sunset? Sunset! Are you reading this? I hope you're reading this. I don't understand why you killed yourself. Did you actually kill yourself? Why would you do that, Sunset? I mean, I know you were upset before because you thought we were treating you differently, but that wasn't why, was it? Was it?

No, there must have been something else happening. I mean, you can't have committed suicide over us! We're your friends, if we drove you to be that upset we'd be terrible friends! Oh, Sunset, why didn't you tell us if you had personal issues? I mean, I know they're called personal issues and you probably had your reasons for not telling us, but you should have told us if you were thinking about killing yourself!

From now on, there will be no secrets! Oh, Sunset, you shouldn't have killed yourself! We should have paid more attention to you, then maybe we would have noticed! I hope your suicide note explains what was going on. I had no idea you were thinking about suicide, none of us knew!

Anyway, bye Sunny. I'll write again after I see your suicide note.

-Pinkie Pie

Rarity 1

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

Darling, I...well, frankly, I am still trying to come to terms with what happened. I simply can't believe you committed suicide. Were we really treating you that badly? I sincerely apologize if we ever made you feel left out, dear; I assure you it was not deliberate.

I apologize, Sunset, but I simply cannot wrap my head around the fact that you were so depressed and we didn't even notice. We had no idea you were thinking about suicide. To be frank, well, I always thought if someone was suicidal, it would be obvious. That they would be always talking about it and never actually be able to bring themselves to do it.

Of course, I was wrong. People are able to bring themselves to do it. You were, and if the online stastics are right, so is one person every forty seconds. Poor Sweetie Belle, she's so confused about this. She didn't know people killed themselves sometimes- I had always told her that people 'died from depression' and hoped she didn't figure it out.

I just wanted to remind you, in case there is any doubt in your mind, that you are missed. The world would be a better place for all of us if you hadn't committed suicide.

Sincerely,

Rarity Belle

Fluttershy 1

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

I'm so sorry! I'm just so sorry! I miss you Sunset, I miss you so much! I'm so sorry, I should have been nicer to you. Can I tell you something? I know what you've been going through...I could tell there was something different about the way the others treated you...I could tell that something was wrong...

But I was too shy to talk to them about it, so I kept quiet. And I was too scared to talk to you about it, because I was still scared of you from before when you bullied me. So I just kept quiet and tried to tell myself it was all in my head and that everything was fine.

I can't stop thinking, Sunset...if I had spoken up before, would you be alive now? If I had been brave and offered you a shoulder to cry on, would you have decided not to kill yourself? I had no idea you were so upset, if I'd known you were suicidal I would have talked to them.

I had no idea about how people can be so close to ending their life, and yet their own friends have no idea. I can't help but think, Sunset...if you were so upset you wanted to commit suicide and I didn't know, how do I know none of the others are secretly depressed?

Your friend,

Fluttershy

Applejack 1

Dear Sunset,

I really miss you. We all do. Everything's changed since you killed yourself. I've been trying to just get on with life but the others really aren't coping so well. I've never seen them cry so much before.

Pinkie Pie's trying to deny it. Saying that you must have had other stuff going on and that we had absolutely no part in it. None of us believe it. Maybe you had other stuff going on that was stressing you out, maybe you didn't; but the simple fact is, you were upset about how we were treating you, and we yelled at you right before you did the deed.

Then again, at least she's doing a good job at denying it. Rainbow Dash says she's fine, but I've seen her crying. Around once every few days, she just sits there and cries into her hands, and ignores us whenever we try to talk to her. Then when we ask her about it later she just denies it.

Twilight's been spending a lot of time in the pony world, but on the off chance that she does come she's really cold and distant. She really misses you. Apple Bloom and her friends are really confused. Fluttershy's been crying more in the last month than I've seen her cry in my whole life. Rarity's trying to act normal but she always seems like she's on the verge of a breakdown.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about how the others are doing because Twilight says you really thought we hated you and nobody would miss you if you were gone. I wanted you to know that we all do miss you. We never hated you. We loved you.

-AJ

Pinkie Pie 2

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

Sunset...why...

I miss you! I'm so sorry! I had no idea I was treating you so badly! I'm so sorry, Sunset, I'm so sorry! I wish you would please come back but I'm not sure if you can. We didn't treat you well enough, and now we have to live with the ~~consequenses concequences conse~~ brb. Sorry I had to ask Twilight how to spell consequences.

You know, I know how you felt. When I was a little girl, before my family moved to Canterlot, I had a few friends who lived near my farm.

Well, they said they were my friends.

They didn't care when other people picked on me. They ignored me when I was talking to them. They had sleepovers without me. If I didn't sit with them, they didn't bother to see where I was. They didn't act like I was one of them. And after I moved and got new, better friends, I spent my whole life thinking about how I woul never be like that or let that happen.

But that's how we've been treating you this whole time without even realizing it! Kind of ironic, don't you think? I'm so sorry! I miss you Sunset, I really miss you!

-Pinkie Pie

Fluttershy 2

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

I...I'm so sorry.

They read out your suicide note the other day. I can't believe you really signed it in blood. Was it your blood? I suppose it must have been. I...I can't imagine being so upset that I felt the need to turn my emotional pain physical, let alone use my own blood for something like that...

I can't believe we were so mean to you. I should have spoken up, Sunset, I'm sorry! Every single day I woke up, and told myself that today would be the day, that I would ask you if they were treating you differently or if it was just me. But I kept chickening out at the last moment.

When I was in middle school, I was too shy to make any friends so I was sitting on my own. A boy came and sat next to me to make sure I was okay, and he was my best friend for ages. When I asked him about why he sat with me, he told me that his favourite youtuber once mentioned a story about how someone decided not to commit suicide because the youtuber had pleasant conversations with him before choir practice.

The boy had sat next to me because he knew little things like that could be the only thing stopping people from killing themselves, and he decided that just in case I was suicidal, he didn't want me to be alone. I can't stop thinking...If I had talked to the others, would that have been the one little thing that stopped you from doing it?

Your friend,

Fluttershy

Author's Note

The story about the person not killing themselves because of pleasant conversations before choir practice was based on a story my favourite youtuber once briefly mentioned when he was talking about the butterfly effect. If anyone can guess who the youtuber is I'll be very impressed

Twilight 2

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

They read your suicide note last week. Principal Celestia let me see it up close when I asked her if I could. You signed it in blood. I'm so sorry.

You know, I've been thinking. When you called me at Fluttershy's house and told me you were thinking of ending it, I assumed you were just considering it, that you didn't actually plan to do it. For a while I assumed you had just decided to do it in the spur of the moment after Rainbow and Rarity yelled at you.

But you wrote a note. You'd been planning this for a while before you actually did it. It said you were hanging yourself, though. Was that what you planned to do? I couldn't tell how old the note was but the blood signature was at least a few weeks. How long had you been thinking about hanging yourself like that?

I'm really sorry, Sunset. I should have been there for you. We should have been there for you. We all really miss you.

Your friend,

Twilight Sparkle

Rarity 2

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

Last week the whole school gathered to hear a policeman read out your suicide note. Twilight got to see it up close. She said it was signed in blood. How could you have done that? It must have been so painful to get the blood, not to mention unhygenic...

I'm terribly sorry for all the emotional pain you went through, darling. I assure you that we didn't hate you or anything of the sort, we just...well, darling, to be frank, I guess we just didn't put in the effort. Like how sometimes at school you're in a bad mood and just do the bare minimum to get a passing grade.

We just forgot about you. You see...you know how everyone has their friend groups, and if you're not in a group then everyone in that group dismisses you as being somebody else's problem. I guess we hadn't fully accepted you as part of the group yet.

Your friend,

Rarity Belle

Ending

Moonrise barked loudly, licked her paw, and pounded through the open door. She could smell another dog, that older one called Spike that sometimes came and talked to the humans, but she ignored him. She noticed a book and a pen lying on the floor. She did what all dogs do: chewed the pen for a bit, then left.

Then she came back in. She used her paw to lift the book. Somehow she could read the words almost perfectly.

...I don't say this often, because I don't like to, but.....I'm sorry. It was because I was angry at you, wasn't it? Dammit Sunset, I was just mad at you that one time! I don't hate you! You didn't have to go and kill yourself! ...

...Sunset? Sunset! Are you reading this? I hope you're reading this. I don't understand why you killed yourself. Did you actually kill yourself? Why would you do that, Sunset? I mean, I know you were upset before because you thought we were treating you differently, but that wasn't why, was it? Was it?...

...I just want to say that I'm sorry. I should have offered to take you back to Equestria after the incident during the Fall Formal. I should have known that the school wouldn't forgive you right away after you bullied them for so long and turned into a demon. I didn't realize humans weren't as forgiving as ponies. In Equestria they would be able to see that you really did want to change for the better...

Moonrise felt the tears coming out of her eyes. She didn't know why this was making her sad, but it was. It brought a sense of deja vu to her mind. She nuzzled the book closed and curled up on top of it to sleep.

* * *

The problem with life after death is that anyone who has been dead for long enough to see the afterlife is, well, dead. As such there have been many interpretations on what happens after you die. Some believe that you simply cease to be; some believe you go to Heaven or Hell; and some believe in reincarnation.

Reincarnation, to put it simply, is the idea that after you die, your soul gets to live on in someone else's body, with no memories of your past life. You might be reincarnated as another person, or maybe an animal, such as a dog.

Applejack 2

Dear Sunset,

We really miss you, Sunset. We wish you were here. I've been trying to comfort the others but I'm not much better myself. They haven't been themselves, Sunset. I'm worried about them.

Fluttershy's the worst off. She blames herself. She's started wearing long-sleeved shirts even when it's really hot out. She won't admit that she's been hurting herself, but I've seen the scars. There was this one time when we were having a sleepover at Rarity's house and I caught her staring at the nail polish remover. I asked her about it and she denied anything, but then I saw her google how toxic the stuff is on her phone.

I'm worried one of the others is going to try to do what you did. I don't think I could bear it if someone else I knew killed themself. I miss you, Sunset. We all miss you so much.

-AJ

Twilight 1

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

I miss you. Nothing's been the same here without you. I knew you were upset and you thought we all hated you, but I never thought you would ~~kill yourself commit suicide~~ kill yourself. I mean, I know you said you were thinking about ending it, but.....I just......Well, to be honest, I thought you were just upset then. I didn't realize you were actually depressed, I thought that after you talked to the girls outside the statue, you would be better.

I just want to say that I'm sorry. I should have offered to take you back to Equestria after the incident during the Fall Formal. I should have known that the school wouldn't forgive you right away after you bullied them for so long and turned into a demon. I didn't realize humans weren't as forgiving as ponies. In Equestria they would be able to see that you really did want to change for the better.

I know you're dead and gone, Sunset, and you're never going to be able to read this, but if it turns out that I'm completely wrong and there is an afterlife of some sort, and if this journal somehow manages to get to you, I want you to know that you are missed. I know it seemed like we all hated you, but we don't. The others took you for granted; I took you for granted. But now you're gone and we still have so much to say. That's why I made this journal.

Anyway, Sunset, I loved you, I wish you were still here. I'll write more later. Bye.

Your friend,

Twilight Sparkle

Rainbow Dash 1

Author's Note

Trigger warning for victim blaming

Rainbow Dash 1

Dear Sunset,

Okay, I know I really shouldn't be reading letters meant for you, but you're not gonna be reading them, and Pinkie is really naive. Of course it was about us! Does she actually believe that you just happened to have some other stuff going on and we had nothing to do with you killing yourself?

I don't say this often, because I don't like to, but.....I'm sorry. It was because I was angry at you, wasn't it? Dammit Sunset, I was just mad at you that one time! I don't hate you! You didn't have to go and kill yourself!

You didn't actually do it, did you? No, you just decided you wanted to make us feel guilty so you talked Twilight into helping you with the prank. Right? Yeah, soon you're gonna crash one of our sleepovers, laugh about how silly we were for falling for it and go home thinking about how now we're going to be scared you'll do it for real and treat you better.

No, even I know that's not true. Celestia said you were found dead, not that Twilight had told her, and there's no way she and Luna would agree to a prank that extreme. Dammit Sunset! You didn't have to kill yourself! We weren't treating you badly, you didn't have it that bad! You're just a coward! Everyone feels sorry for people that kill themselves, but you just escaped from the pain without a second thought and didn't care how we felt? Why, Sunset? Why?

-RD

P.S. I'm not crying, okay? All the drops on the page are just....there's something in my eyes! Don't expect me to cry over you....you just escaped because you couldn't cope and didn't give any of us a second thought.....

Intermission 1

One page.

The whole school had been gathered in the gymnasium to hear this page be read out, from the curious and frightened youngsters to the apathetic older kids to the students in Sunset’s age group who were too shocked to feel anything. But six girls in particular were interested.

“I should warn you,” spoke Principal Celestia before handing the paper over to the policeman. “This note contains profanity.”

“Hurry up!” whispered Rainbow Dash, glancing anxiously at her friends.

They had been waiting for this page for a month. Would it have all the answers to every single burning question in their heads? Why had Sunset killed herself? Had she been having a bad home life? Was it their fault?

To be honest with themselves, none of the many students waiting for the policeman to read the note out expected it to be rude. They all expected it to be apologetic, sad, like Sunset had been in the few times she had let her guard down and shown her feelings. What they did not expect was what the man read.

"To whom it may or may not concern,

"The last couple months I've been trying to make amends for all the trouble I caused. It doesn't seem to matter to anyone though. The members of the Rainbooms were supposed to look out for me and teach me how friendships are made. They have treated me like complete shit. I thought when Twilight came back I could tell her what I was feeling, but she's been more interested in her friends that are fighting with each other. I thought that cutting my arms would give the release I needed to get through this but when they decided to show their hypocrisy in the second round of the competition, I couldn't take anymore.

"By hanging myself in front of the school, I'm showing my celebration for how fucked up humans really are. Hopefully everyone will feel better once I'm gone, especially those who were supposed to be my friends.

"Goodbye and fuck off."

The room erupted with whispered chatter from hundreds of students. Young children trying to wrap their head around the idea that someone would kill themself and the school would read out a note that had swearing in it, apathetic teenagers rolling their eyes and assuming that she must still be a jerk if her note was that rude and confused kids who had never considered the idea that it was their fault.

But the students who were the most shocked and upset were the six girls sitting in the front.

Author's Note

The suicide note was entirely made by pabrony83 and copied and pasted from SciTwi Shimmer Book 2

Celestia 1

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

My old pupil. It has been so many years since I last saw you. Since you galloped away through the mirror. I must say, I never expected you to try to steal the Element of Magic. I never expected you would be depressed, let alone suicidal.

I knew I should have found a way to make sure you knew you were welcome back in Equestria. Perhaps if you knew that, you would have been able to return here to seek refuge from how you were being treated in the human world. I should have used the journal we had, but I feared you had thrown it out and didn't want another human to get my messages.

I am greatly shocked by what Twilight has told me of your suicide note. To be honest, I am frankly disgusted that the human versions of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony treated you so horribly. I used to think the human world was very similar to Equestria, but I was sadly mistaken. You should have come back to Equestria, where you would be
welcomed with open forelegs.

Your former mentor and friend,

Princess Celestia

Rainbow Dash 2

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

I'm sorry about my last letter. I was upset and I took it out on you. They read your suicide note a few days ago. They said it was signed in blood. Kinda creepy.

I tried to pretend before that it wasn't my fault before, that you were just a wimp, but it is my fault. I didn't treat you well enough. We didn't make an effort to include you. We didn't care about you enough to make sure you felt included. And now we have to live with the consequences for the rest of our lives.

Have to live with the consequences. That reminds me of something. Some video game I used to play in middle school. It was one of those games that had multiple endings, and you got the best ending if you played through without killing anyone, and then there were loads of different endings depending on which bosses you killed and which ones you spared.

It didn't matter if you didn't like the ending you got, though. It was a game, you could just reset it. I never actually tried it, but there was a rumour going around that if you decided to kill every single character, to the point of killing random encounters until things stopped spawning, you could get the worst ending possible.

Another character, I don't remember who they were, says some creepy stuff about how you shouldn't have killed everything, then asks if you want to destroy the world. If you say no it just jumpscares you and does it anyway, though. Also you can't close the game while this is happening.

This is starting to sound like a creepypasta. Why did I believe this when I was younger? Anyway, the game closes. Then when you open it again you have to stare at a black screen for ten minutes- why did I believe this? Who would wait for ten minutes just to see if something happens? Anyway, it chews you out about killing everything a little more, then agrees to let you reset the game in exchange for your fictional character's fictional soul.

Except apparently- damn, this was obviously a creepypasta, why am I wasting paper telling you- if you try and get the good ending by not killing anyone after you 'give up your soul', then...then...Something bad happens. Look, it's a rumour I heard years ago, I don't remember.

Anyway, it's sort of fitting. Sometimes you do something without really understanding how serious it is, and by the time you realize it's bad it's too late to turn back and you just have to live with the consequences.

-Rainbow