“Once a villain, always a villain…” I murmured, the words ringing through my mind. They could only keep repeating, and I couldn’t help but keep saying it under my breath. “Once a villain, always a villain…” Oh, how the words angered me beyond belief. I know he realised it after but…
We’d parted ways already. Him to Celestia knows where to ‘explore the realm’. And little old moi? Well, I thought a nice evening stroll in the gardens nearby would be refreshing. Especially after having to put up with him and Twilight siding with him. That still made me mad. Why couldn’t Twilight see that Starswirl didn’t know anything about friendship? Just because he was this great wizard, didn’t mean he knew everything. I mean-!
Get it together, Starlight, you’re hyperventilating.
Taking a deep breath, I sighed. I just… I can’t believe his words! How insensitive! “Once a villain, always a-” I mean, seriously. That just disregards any and all cases where people have changed and gotten better. Subjectively, everypony is their own villain, so would that make us all villains? And what about someone like me or Discord? Or even Stygian?
I shook my head, realizing I was just recycling the same thoughts over and over again. Besides, it’s all in the past. Just… breathe. Phew. The gardens sure are nice at this time. A nice, cool breeze, but not too cold! Just right. Just enough to allow for meditation and comfortability.
As far as I knew, I was the only one there. It was quiet, it was peaceful. Everypony else had retired to bed or stayed up to chat with the Pillars and the Princesses. Obviously, I couldn’t sleep, what with all these raging points inside my head. But enough of that. Just focus on the peace.
You know, maybe if I hadn’t just been on a crazy adventure reviving the long lost Pillars of Equestria and eradicating the influence of the Pony of Shadows from an innocent colt, I would be enjoying the gardens more. Alas, my mind was too jumbled as it was from lack of sleep and the overflow of madness.
Closing my eyes, I stood still in the middle of the cobblestone path. I tried to reach out with my other senses, to feel what was around me. I could feel the gentle touch from the wind, it’s tendrils snaking and weaving all around me. I could smell the sweet aromas and scents from the flora planted around me. Finally, I could hear the rustling of the leaves and the wind, my ears flicking and searching for noise. Actually trying to focus on what was around me was very… relaxing…
But then I frowned. At first, I didn’t know why, until my ears flicked again and I scrunched my eyes tighter, turning my head this way and that to hear better. It was… gentle, quiet and… sobbing?
Opening my eyes, I peered through the darkness. The moonlight filtering through the trees and bushes granted me vision, and what I saw surprised me. Just on the path parallel to mine was a pink-maned and yellow-furred pony. Fluttershy. What was she doing out here? And not only that, why was she crying? Should I go talk to her? Would she even like me talking to her? Or should I just...
No. Deciding to be the friend that I was, I would check on her. It was the right thing to do. The only problem was… how to approach her without startling or scaring her and making it all feel natural?
I guess it didn’t really matter in the end. I got around to finally sitting beside Fluttershy with a sore nose. Well, okay, so maybe it does matter. As I was trying to look inconspicuous by studying my surroundings and purposefully making my hooffalls loud, I had failed to see a loose piece of cobblestone that I… well, that I tripped on. And fell forward. Onto my face. In front of Fluttershy.
So at that point, I groaned, and I heard Fluttershy gasp. Knowing she would come over to help me, I held a hoof up and said “Fine! I’m fine! Don’t worry about me, sorry! I’m just a clumsy idiot.”
Rolling over, I rubbed my nose before getting to all fours. Brushing myself off, I looked over to Fluttershy and saw she was quickly wiping away her tears and was on the edge of her seat, worried for me. Smiling weakly, I giggled. “See? All good.”
Fluttershy continued to frown with a slight mark of confusion. “A-are you sure?”
I could hear the shakiness in her voice, and I pursed my lips slightly before waving a hoof. “Oh yeah. Just fine! I’m in a beautiful garden enjoying the night after an adventure with my friends and now I have one of them right here with me.”
Fluttershy smiled a small smile, and that was a little victory all on it’s own. “It is, isn’t it?” she said, sniffling and gazing up at the night sky.
“You bet,” I said, trotting over to her side and sitting down. “Luna sure outdid herself tonight with how radiant the stars are right now. Must be because of Starswirl and the others returning, eh?”
Fluttershy hummed in approval, before looking away and closing her eyes. Frowning, I adjusted my seating to sit just a little closer before gently draping a hoof over Fluttershy. “Hey,” I asked, “What’s wrong?”
She quickly glanced at me and wiped her moist eyes with two hooves, shaking her head. “Oh, no, I’m perfectly fine. Don’t worry about me.”
Obviously, she wasn’t. “No, you really aren’t,” I said. Yeah. I went straight for the elephant in the room. Or would it be statue in the garden? Since we were in a- you know what, it doesn’t matter. The point is, I wouldn’t let her think that her weak excuse was enough to make a mask for her.
She blinked at me for a few seconds before closing her eyes again and hunching over. As her body shook a little, she sighed. “No… I guess I’m not...”
I was getting a little more worried. “Fluttershy? Seriously, what’s bothering you?”
Fluttershy sniffled before leaning back against the bench, eyes still shut but tears escaping. “I was just… just thinking of what Starswirl said, I g-guess. Once a-”
“Once a villain, always a villain,” I almost spat. “It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard come out of a smart pony’s mouth.”
“But what if it’s true?” Fluttershy said, and now I looked at her kind of funny. What? She continued. “I kn-know it’s… it’s stupid for me to think especially with you being you… n-no offense…”
“None taken,” I said off-hoofedly. Fluttershy went on.
“But I… I keep thinking of a time w-when I became this… this monster that drove away her friends and I… I locked myself away. I didn’t want the world to have somepony like me in it then. I was mean, I was assertive, I yelled and made Rarity and Pinkie cry…”
I looked at her in surprise, honestly not expecting to hear any of what Fluttershy was saying. Fluttershy? Mean? Angry? Unkind? In all my time of knowing her, even when I myself was trying to control her in an effort to further my misguided village and it’s goals, she was nothing but kind. And to think… to think it plagued her even now. It must have been something.
“Fluttershy,” I said, not allowing her to say anymore, “You are the nicest, kindest, most loving and gentle pony I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. If somepony else had told me what you’ve just confessed, I would never have believed them.”
Fluttershy turned her tear-filled eyes towards me and I whispered "Starswirl understands that what he said today was wrong, and I know I’ve been thinking them over and over, but you should be the last of anypony to be thinking that you could be a villain.”
Fluttershy smiled, but her lips barely stretched up and her eyes didn’t lessen in her self-misery. “And yet, when Discord came back the first time, he… h-he made me… he made all of my friends the complete opposite of what we… of what our Elements were. I w-was kindness, s-so I became mean. I almost couldn’t believe what I had done when Twilight restored me and… and just thinking of that-”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I would not and could not listen to Fluttershy degrade herself. Gently grabbing her face in my hooves, I turned her head to look me straight in the eyes. Gritting my teeth and with my own steely and fogging gaze I said “Fluttershy. You need to stop. You are not a villain. You could never be a villain. Not like me or like Discord. Not without something or somepony else messing with you. And I would never believe it unless I saw it with my own eyes. You can’t keep blaming yourself for what you did when Discord put his influence on you, or when you were mean to your friends.”
I could see Fluttershy’s eyes moving in thought. “B-but I-”
“No buts!” I shook my head. “No more, Fluttershy. Just look at me. I was a villain once. I know that. I’ve probably doomed countless parallel timelines, and I have to live with the fact that I could’ve destroyed Equestria as we know it all because I didn’t understand what Friendship was, and because of a stupid childhood experience that, thinking about it now, seems like the stupidest thing for me to go off on.
“But you know what? Twilight helped me change. Your friends helped me change. You helped me change. I became somepony you could rely on. Somepony you could call a friend. And, heck, you even got Discord of all beings to change! Well, I mean, he is a god of Chaos and chaos is constantly in a state of flux but that’s not the point! The point is, Fluttershy…”
I motioned to my own chest before grabbing Fluttershy’s hoof and placing it against hers, and we both felt her heart beating quickly and fluidly, and I smiled softly into Fluttershy’s eyes. “You are a good pony. Nothing will change that. Not even being a ‘villain’ once. And with all the good you’ve done yourself, there is no chance that anypony who knows you would not forgive you for making a mistake. For being mean. For being unkind. Screw what Starswirl said. He doesn’t know anything about friendship. At least not a lot, and not yet.”
Finally, I sighed and blinked my own tears away. “Don’t think that being a villain once means you will forever be a villain. Besides, aren’t we all villains to ourselves? We are always our worst critic. We are always doubting ourselves, and we always find a way to think of why we might fail at something. But do not let yourself think that that means you are a villain.” Smiling once more, I looked up at the stars. “After all, time heals all wounds. And no better than some of your best friends to help you get through them, hm?”
I was almost caught off guard by the pair of yellow forelegs that wrapped around me. Fluttershy hugged me tightly, gently, and I could see her glad, relieved smile, which made me so happy to see. I could only smile myself.
“Thank you, Starlight.” Fluttershy hugged me a little tighter. “You’re such a good friend. Even though… e-even though you have so much yourself to worry about, you took some time out to help somepony like me… thank you.”
Patting Fluttershy on the back, I nuzzled her. She returned it, just before smiling softly at me. Of course, I returned it with a bright shiny smile of my own. After all, a smile like that on Fluttershy? It was worth more than a million bits.
“What are friends for?”
Author's Note
I feel this could've been written better.
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Thank you for reading.
