Which causes the world to implode
It was a less than fine day in Ponyville. The sun was exploding, the birds were dead, and it was generally a shitty ass day.
In the Sweet Apple Orchard, or whatever these dumb-fuck ponies called it, there lay a clubhouse. Inside said clubhouse, three little fillies were sitting inside.
"This story plot is stupid." Said Apple Bloom.
"Yes." Said Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo proceeded to pull on a strap-on and rape Apple Bloom mercilessly until she internally combusted.
"Yes." Said Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo then sprouted a unicorn horn and suddenly she could fly! She stabbed herself though. The blood landed on Sweetie Belle.
"Yes." Said Sweetie Belle.
The clubhouse exploded, sending the two corpses and Sweetie Belle launching in different directions.
"Yes." Said Sweetie Belle as she died.
Sweetie Belle's head flew all the way to Carousel Boutique because plot convenience, where it landed in Rarity's breakfast. Rarity screamed, then immediatly booked a flight to Las Pegasus, changed her name to Whority and became a street hoe.
Distressed at Rarity's disappearance, Rainbow Dash didn't come to work for days and eventually shot herself. The weather was raining for two entire days before the other pegasi got off their flanks and did something.
After finding Rainbow's body, Fluttershy screamed and threw herself into a meat grinder, her bear eating her remains. The bear then went on a rampage, eating half the town's population as well as Pinkie Pie.
Applejack screamed and bashed the bear's head in, but then Twilight Sporkle saw her. Thinking Applejack had gone rogue and not noting the half eaten bodies around her, Twilight Sporkle did the only reasonable thing and shot Applejack 53 times in the head before turning the gun on herself and shooting herself.
Luna took this as an assasination attempt and killed Celestia for no good reason. This caused Cadance to go over there and own her ass, pronouncing herself as queen of Equestria and initiating a war with the Zebras over in Zebrica.
The Zebras got decimated, then the Seaponoes got pissed off. They gave Cadance a scroll which read: 'The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal bodeboop. A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start. ding' as well as a little note that said: 'lol we gonna rekt u'.
Cadance then marched over to the grand Queen of Seaponies. 'According to all known laws
of aviation,
there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.' Cadance says solemnly as she stabs the Queen of Seaponies in the asshole.
The Seapony Queen chokes on her blue blood and dies, unclasping from her hand the key to the Seapony Treasury. Cadance grabs it and opens the Treasury, finding dank ass memes. She dies from overload of said dank ass memes.
Back in Equestria the royal guards wait for her return, and after 3 hours they said 'fuck it lol' and they became the new government.
They elected a president, Donald MagicUnicornSupreme Trump, to rule all over. The new Pony President built walls around Equestria because that joke is not overused.
Starlight Glimmer took a giant shit on Donald Trump's face, causing him to build a wall around her until she died of starvation. Except he was too slow and Starlight escaped, going to her old town and building an army to overthrow Pony-Trump.
69 Years Later...
Starlight came back and made the long journey to Canterlot which was renamed Trumpetlot. Starlight looked up at him. "Hi trump fag. Prepar u anus loool". She said.
She ordered her armies to attack, tons of colorful ponies going to cum on Trump. Then he couldnt take it anymore and he relented. "The walls will be taken down and Trumpetlot will be renamed to Canterlot." Trump said.
Starlight killed him so she could become the new Queen Of Equestria. She renamed Equestria 'Starlightestria' and then conquered the other parts of the world, like the Changeling Kingdom, Zebrica, and Breeziestralia.
The gods up above were not pleased with Trump's rule and especially not pleased with Starlight's. With the power that only a god possesed, they turned Starlight Glimmer into a giant purple sentient dildo.
With all her magical dildo-ness, she destroyed the mighty gods and absorbed their power. With that power, she wiped the universe clean. Destroying every rock and planet including Starlightestria, and writing new planets up.
First she recreated the Sun and the Moon, but didn't create those Damned princesses. She created a few giant rocks, and she was lazy so she went like 'lol those r planets now deel with it'. Then she created water again and shiz.
THEN. She created a weird monkey thing. She went down to give it intelligence, but it already had some! Kinda. Because then the Monkey went and raped Starlight-Dildo and had hairless monkey babies. Then it killed Starlight-Dildo bc why not lol.
The monkey thing went on to breed with other monkies until it evolved into a human. Then not so great things came out of that, like Hillary Clinton and Trump reborn. Also, they fought wars a lot. And were really fucked up. Like really messed up. This is why nobody liked Starlight Glimmer.
And that's how earth, humans, whatever was made.
Oh btw Scootaloo came back from the dead and murdered every human.
The fucking end.
Cue the damn credits.
