I am a very important figure. I am the ruler of this land, and the thousands of ponies that inhabit it. I teach them kindness so that they may live in harmony. I raise the sun so that they may see and be warm. I command a powerful presence so that they may feel safety.
So many depend on me. My presence cannot fade.
I must retain my composure.
Yesterday, I was taught a powerful lesson from one of my subjects. I am still concerned with Starlight's careless use of magic, but in this case it was justified. I was able to walk a mile in my sister's hooves. Raising the moon is nothing new; I already possess magic powerful enough to move celestial bodies. In the years my sister was banished I performed the task every night.
Dreams, however, are a different story. I do not possess the magic required to enter the subconscious. During the thousand years after Nightmare Moon, I could not help my subjects through their nightmares. I would try my best to console them in the waking world, but the realm of dreams was forbidden to me. It hurt me to see my subjects suffer. I suppose it was fitting punishment for casting my sister out.
Yesterday I was temporarily granted Luna's magic. When night fell, I found myself alone. Without anypony to talk to, I entered the realm of sleep. I saw many things in this place. I saw the hopes and dreams of ponies, and their fears. I saw that I was just as susceptible to corruption as my sister.
Luna and I became closer after that evening. I am thankful to Starlight for giving us both a new perspective in which to view the other.
After coming back from the dream world, though, I felt a little odd. I could hear a soft hum in my ears. It was barely audible; I had no trouble hearing anypony speaking to me. It was strange, but I dismissed it as harmless.
I was exhausted after that night, but once my magic was returned to me I needed to resume my duties. I quickly fixed a few mistakes that Luna had (understandably) made while taking over my position. As I made my reparations I could hear the hum in my ear persist. It seemed to amplify my fatigue.
Now, I am an important pony with a great deal of responsibilities. That said, even I cannot perform up to my own standards without ample sleep. I have lost count of the ponies over the years that I have advised to get more sleep. It is important for both body and mind.
For this reason, I pushed back a few items on my schedule in order to partake in a royal nap. It's really just a cat nap, a term my subjects use that I quite adore. I suppose I just call it “royal” because I feel bad for needing one every once in a while.
I informed my immediate staff of this nap. I politely asked my advisor, Miss Silver Scrolls, to wake me in half an hour's time. She agreed and bowed, answering as formal as usual. I smiled and reminded her that I consider her a close friend and that she may address me as such. She returned my smile and told me she preferred the formality, which I already knew.
I entered my quarters and climbed into bed. The silk sheets were as soft as ever, and the down pillows plump as could be. As I closed my eyes, I could hear the nauseating hum grow louder. It seemed to be resonating from within the center of my head.
I slept for those thirty minutes, but I did not dream. There were no beautiful dreamscapes, no fountains of banana pudding. There was black. Pitch black every direction, with that awful hum droning on.
"Your majesty, I am informing you that you have reached the end of the royal nap."
Silver's gentle voice, muffled from my bedroom door, pulled me out of that dark place. I opened my eyes despite my mind's protest.
I immediately noticed a strange feeling about me. As my eyes adjusted, I could see that the sunlight pouring in from my bedroom window was almost magenta in color. My entire bedroom was drenched in this otherworldly pink aura. I looked around, confused, until my eyes came to rest on the bed sheets over my stomach.
A small white bunny, dyed pink by the sunlight, sat perched atop my midsection. It stared at me, one eye slightly lower than the other.
"...hello?" I said quietly.
The animal remained still. It did not acknowledge the greeting.
I reached my hoof out to touch the bunny, slowly so I would not scare it. It did not flinch as my hoof inched closer to its head.
My hoof came in contact with the bunny's head. At once, the small animal melted into a puddle of white goo. My hoof keep moving, taken off guard by the sudden lack of resistance, and ended up splashing in the goo.
I jumped out of my bed in surprise. Bed sheets and covers flew every which way.
"...your Majesty?" came Silver's voice from the hall.
I was breathing heavily, my back curved up like a startled cat. My wings had fully extended, and I had knocked a picture frame off my bedside table.
Silver Scrolls. She was outside. She sounded worried. I took a deep breath and called out to her.
"I am alright, Silver. Simply knocked something over on accident."
No reply came from beyond my door. She was satisfied with the answer. I folded my wings back in and took some more breaths. My mind moved to the next task.
Bunny. Goo splatter. Where did it go?
I focused my magic to pick up the covers and blankets strewn about the room. As soon as my magic activated, I heard the hum return in my ears. It almost hurt a little bit, but I ignored it as I levitated the blankets around me.
Try as I may, I could not find the spot. I looked over each blanket twice, but not so much as the smallest stain was present.
I shook my head, trying to piece together what I had just witnessed. With a frown I levitated all of my blankets back into place and made my bed.
It looked alright once everything was in place, but it was still tinted hot pink from the odd sunlight. The color was starting to make my stomach turn. I glanced over at the window, but then remembered the picture frame I had knocked down. I turned and knelt down to observe the damage.
The frame lay face down on the bedroom floor, and picking it up I could see that the glass had broken. I turned it around gently to see if the photograph had sustained any damage. The picture was an old keepsake, taken when I was young. It displays my sister and I while I was helping her learn to fly. It was a very inspiring shot; I was airborne with my wings spread, meanwhile Luna rode upon my back and was only starting to spread hers.
I looked down at the photograph and frowned. The picture showed Twilight Sparkle in place of me, with an alicorn Starlight Glimmer upon her back.
I didn’t understand.
I turned the frame away, then flipped it back up and looked again.
Same picture.
"Your majesty, may I enter?" came Silver's voice from the hallway. She sounded nervous.
"Of course, Silver," I replied. I quickly levitated the picture frame and the few glass shards onto my bedside stand.
The door squeaked quietly as it opened, and I could hear hoofsteps as Silver approached me.
As I stared at the picture frame, I thought carefully about how to proceed with her.
"What did you knock over, Princess?" she asked me.
"Just a picture," I replied, my eyes still glued to the false photo.
"The one of yourself and fair Luna?"
I flinched. Something was wrong.
"Silver, what do you think of the lighting in this room?" I inquired, ignoring her question.
I heard her hum gently in thought for a moment. She is a pony who thinks before she says anything, which is something I admire.
"It isn't as well-lit as I would imagine the bedroom of one so closely associated with the sun would be. Other than that, I believe it is perfectly normal."
Something was very wrong. I turned around to address my advisor.
I screamed.
When my eyes moved to Silver, I saw that half of her face was disfigured. Her right cheek was missing, as if it had just evaporated. Her teeth were visible from the side. A few muscles were stretched over them. They moved as she talked.
"Celestia! What's wrong!?"
I had fallen back on to my haunches, my wings once again springing out.
"Silver...what happened to your face?" I managed. I could feel my heart pound hard within my chest.
Silver raised a hoof up and touched the disfigured side of her face and frowned.
“What do you mean? Is there something on my face?” she asked, looking concerned.
I froze for a moment. How could she not feel that…?
I remembered that I had a small hoof mirror on top of my dresser. I activated my magic, once again hearing the hum grow louder while I was using it. The mirror floated over to me and I held it up so that Silver could see the horrific side of her face.
“Don’t you see…?” I said quietly, not wanting to startle her.
Silver looked hard into the mirror, but still wore a look of concerned confusion.
“I apologize your highness,” she said in a low voice, “I don’t seem to be able to see anything out of the ordinary…”
Nothing out of the ordinary?
I glanced at the mirror.
She looked perfectly normal. She glowed, even. I snapped my head back to Silver. She still had the unnerving disfigurement. I looked back to the mirror. Pristine.
I dropped the mirror and stepped back.
For a moment, neither Silver nor I said anything. We both stood still. The hum burned at my ears.
Suddenly, Silver developed a small smile.
“Is this some sort of practical joke from your youth, Princess?” she asked, looking at me with hopeful eyes.
I did my best to smile while looking at my disfigured friend.
“Yes, I apologize Silver,” I said, “my old humor doesn’t translate so well sometimes.”
Silver closed her eyes and giggled. I could see her tongue move as she did so.
“It is kind of funny now, Princess,” she said, “don’t be so down on yourself.”
I nodded with a grin, looking at the ground.
“Anyways,” said Silver, “are we still keeping your meeting with Miss Pinkie? You had expressed interest in testing the cakes for the Gala yourself, but if you need more time to recuperate I could take your place.”
I thought for a moment. Perhaps this would be the perfect opportunity to ease my mind. I could ask Silver to address some other task while I met with Pinkie, so I could take a break from looking at her jaw…
“I would prefer to keep my commitment with Miss Pie,” I stated, still looking at the ground by Silver’s hooves. “I do have something that I would like you to do for me, however. If you don’t mind.”
Silver smiled and nodded. I looked up to see her innocent, intrigued eyes. At least I got to see those alongside her sickly maw.
“I seem to be a bit fuzzy after yesterday’s debacle,” I explained, “I would like you to check on my sister and see if she is having any difficulties today.”
Silver nodded once more in acknowledgement.
“Are you sure you are alright, Princess?” she asked. The way she looked at me made me concerned. I thought she might have realized that I was looking away from her face every so often.
“Yes, just a bit fuzzy,” I lied.
I stepped forward to give Silver a hug, hoping to reassure her further. I wrapped a hoof around her and pulled her close.
I felt a chill run down my spine as she laid her cheek against my chest. I could feel the wet surface of her teeth and gums pressed against me. It took every fiber of my being not to become sick in the presence of my subject.
I pulled away before Silver, but I don’t think it clued her in to my disgust.
She bowed once more, and trotted out of the room. I could hear hoofsteps as she made her way toward Luna’s room.
Once her hoofsteps faded into the distance, I ran out the door. I jolted down the hallway to the washroom, flinging the door open with my magic.
I succumbed to my swimming stomach for a few moments. I became quite sick. When I finished with my unpleasantness, I found myself staring in the washroom mirror. I could feel my stomach ache in pain, the tiredness in my eyes, and that cursed hum cutting at both my ears.
In the mirror, my reflection smiled back at me. I looked healthy, content.
It made my head hurt to look at it.
I closed my eyes and lowered my head down into the sink. I felt the urge to cry.
I opened my eyes and looked at my reflection.
"You are the ruler of Equestria," I told my reflection, "and you will not lose your mind." I raised my head and watched the normal Celestia in the glass raise hers. "You will remain composed."
My reflection smiled back at me.
"See, you're fine," I said to the empty room.
After taking in the sight of a happier version of myself for a while longer, I exited the washroom and headed off to see Pinkie Pie.
I entered the room which I had designated for us to meet in. It was a spacious room on the west wing, with a large window looking out over the castle gardens. A pair of guards stood on either side of the door. I nodded to them as I walked in. To my relief they appeared normal.
In the center of the room stood a table with several cakes on top of it. In the middle was one very large, pony sized cake. As I approached the table, I glanced over and noticed my reflection in the window. It was faint, but I could see it looking back at me with that odd smile. The sunlight was normal in this room though, so that eased my mind a bit.
I took my eyes away from the window and looked over the array of delectable baked goods. Pinkie Pie had done an outstanding job as always, I could tell just by looking at the various cakes. I was careful to approach the giant one; I figured that Pinkie may have been stowing away inside of it with the intent to pop out and surprise me. I inched up to the mountain of sugar and tapped it with my hoof. It didn't seem to contain any ponies.
"CELESTIAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"
I smiled as I turned around, wincing as I prepared to be tackled by the pink pony.
I looked and saw what was coming at me.
I felt adrenaline pulse through every inch of my body.
From the direction I had heard Pinkie's sweet voice, a fiendish monstrosity flew toward me. It was charred black. It had the body of a pony, but the face...
The face was nothing but an enormous maw. It had long black teeth, alternating up and down in a row, jutting out every direction. The only part of the being that showed any color was its mouth; behind the impossibly long teeth came a faint glow of red light. I hadn't seen creatures as frightening while banished to Tatarus.
Powerful magic surged through my horn in a fit of instinct. The monster froze midair in an aura of bright yellow, then slammed into the floor with great force. The floor tile under the creature shattered on impact.
As soon as my magic receded, my brain was lit on fire with pain. The hum escalated to a roar in a second. I yelled out and fell forward, closing my eyes and holding my head between my front hooves.
After a few seconds the hum returned to its low volume. I was panting as I looked up.
Pinkie Pie lay on the floor, her mane straight and down over her face. Tears were pouring down her cheeks.
I looked down and saw that she was holding one of her front hooves away from her body.
It was bent the wrong direction.
My heart sank as my eyes darted back up to meet hers.
I saw nothing but fear in her eyes. Those were the eyes I saw in my sister when I banished her to the moon.
I looked over to the guards. Both of them had dropped their weapons, and were looking at me with the same expression.
Panicking, I turned toward the window and ran at full speed. Although the shards of glass from the window did cut into me as I took off through it, I did not feel them. I felt nothing but the all-consuming dread of being a monster. I am a threat to the citizens of Equestria.
I soared high over the garden and turned toward Ponyville. I felt a chill in my wings. I looked back and saw that my wings were melting away as if they were hot wax, revealing the bones underneath.
I tried to tell myself it wasn't real. I tried not to panic. I tried as best I could, but I could not contain my horror.
I plummeted out of the sky, making a rough landing on the castle grounds. The pain in my legs from the crash harmonized with the hum singeing my ears. I looked around and saw that I had left a big dirt crater in the lawn, and that several ponies were staring at me in astonishment.
As the ponies approached me, they began to flicker like candles in the wind. They would disappear and reappear within seconds, sometimes in a different place.
I ran.
I ran away from the castle, into the forest. I ran for hours. Tears blurred my vision.
When I made it to the Everfree, it began to storm. I kept up my pace and headed deep into the forest.
I ran until the canopy caught the rainfall; the trees blocked out the sky entirely. I skidded to a halt before collapsing on the forest floor. I closed my eyes and laid my head down, panting heavily. I listened to my heartbeat. As it slowed down, I could hear the hum reinstate itself in my ears. I opened my eyes and looked around.
It was a dark place. The trees twisted each and every way, creating walls of branches. They rattled and swayed from the wind. There was a large rock embedded in the ground a few feet away from me, a little larger than an average pony.
I walked slowly over to the rock and laid on top of it.
I took a deep breath.
“For now, this is my kingdom,” I thought to myself. “I cannot be trusted with ponies right now. I don’t know what happened, but I just can’t…I can’t…”
My stomach dropped as pictures flew through my mind. Silver, Pinkie, the guards…they were so scared.
I looked out into the forest and saw something.
I saw a pair of glowing green eyes staring back at me.
I looked down and then back up.
They were gone.
My lip quivered for a moment. I winced as I focused my magic. A mess of leaves floated down from the nearest tree and melded together into a makeshift cloth. I levitated it up to my head and tied it around my eyes. The hum pricked my mind harder during this but faded back down afterwards.
Without vision, I closed my eyes and sat up straight. I thought that blindfolding myself would give me sanctuary from the hallucinations, but then I began hearing things much clearer.
The hum’s base volume had doubled. It was interlaced with the voices of ponies. I could hear Silver talking about plans we had scheduled for the next week. I could hear Pinkie sobbing and telling her friends of my cruelty. I could faintly hear the sound of my father’s angry voice.
My tears returned as I put my hooves to my head and laid down close the ground. I heard heavy breathing coming from behind me.
Suddenly, I heard an immense blast of unicorn magic overtake the breathing.
The hum turned into a deafening scream.
In that moment, I lost all control of my senses. The only thing I could feel was pain, surging from my horn down into the bottoms of every hoof. My mouth was wide open but I was unable to scream. I reared my head up and brought it down on the rock with great force. I felt the noise permeating every inch of my mind lower the slightest degree. I picked my head up and repeated the process. I brought my head down again and again, until finally the hum vanished.
I picked my head up. I was shaking all over. I felt a warm liquid run down my face. As it ran over my mouth, I could taste iron.
The last thing I heard before I blacked out was the sound of Twilight Sparkle calling out to me.
Luna’s hooves splashed in a puddle as she touched down outside of the Ponyville hospital. She trotted inside quickly, raising a wing over her head to shield herself from the rain.
The nurse at the desk looked up. As soon as she saw the princess, she pointed her hoof to the rightmost hallway. Luna nodded and followed the nurses’ instruction.
There were a multitude of ponies outside of the last room at the end of the hallway. Twilight Sparkle was motioning for them all to move back a bit.
Twilight turned to Luna as she approached. Her face dropped and she sighed and extended her hoof to the princess. Luna wrapped her hoof around Twilight and patted her on the back. She knew Twilight was hurting inside, but she was helping keep everypony else calm first and foremost. She whispered a “thank you” in Twilight’s ear.
“Of course,” Twilight replied softly as she pulled out of the hug. She turned to the crowd and made a motion with her hoof.
“There’s something…” Twilight began, but trailed off. She looked at Luna then motioned with her head to the pony approaching them.
Pinkie walked up to the princess slowly. She had a cast on her right foreleg, and a crutch underneath her shoulder. She had a bouquet of flowers in her mouth, with a greeting card marked “From Pinkie” attached to the paper they were wrapped in. She looked down at the flowers in her mouth, then up at Luna.
Luna held her hoof up to her mouth momentarily, stifling herself before she teared up. She nodded, using her magic to pull the flowers out of Pinkie’s mouth and into the air beside them. She wanted very badly to hug her, but noted her injury. Luna thought for a moment, then put out her hoof. Pinkie stared at it for a moment, then placed her good hoof on top. Luna closed her eyes and nestled her head against the pink pony’s, and Pinkie returned the favor.
The door creaked open as Luna entered. It was a small patient room. Only a few candles were set by the windowsill to light the place. Two patient beds had been pushed together in the center of the room to accommodate the blanket-clad Celestia who slept upon them. Next to the beds was a large rolling mirror, which struck Luna as odd. She completely forgot about this, however, as she looked upon her sister.
Almost all of Celestia’s horn was missing, and bandages covered what was left. An IV ran from a mesh bag hanging on a stand into the princess’ exposed foreleg. Her head was facing toward the mirror, propped up by several pillows. She was breathing slowly.
It took longer this time for Luna to stifle herself. A single tear did escape her eye, but she wiped it away and approached her sister.
As she came to Celestia’s bedside, Luna gently placed a hoof on her sister’s.
Celestia stirred, shifting her head slightly. She did not turn to face Luna.
Luna waited patiently, until she noticed the mirror. She could see Celestia’s reflection peering at her.
“Luna…”
Celestia turned her hoof and gripped her sister’s gently.
“I am here,” said Luna.
Her horn glowed as she floated the bouquet of flowers in front of the mirror. She watched as Celestia looked upon the flowers for a split second, then darted her eyes back to the mirror. She gave a weak smile as a tear rolled down her cheek. Luna lowered the flowers onto the bed, and Celestia nestled them with her other hoof.
Celestia’s smiled faded, and both ponies became still. For a few minutes, all that could be heard was the rain on the window.
“Sister?” said Celestia, breaking the silence.
“Yes?”
“I only want to know one thing.”
“Anything.”
Celestia looked at the flowers and quivered.
“How do you know when it’s real?”
She looked back to Luna’s reflection.
Luna smiled gently and sighed.
“Sister, I have not known what is real for more than a thousand years.”
Celestia closed her eyes and tightened her grip on Luna’s hoof.
