High Horses

by Dellinger

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Anon, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1349

The ponies do weed.

The ponies of Ponyville are introduced to weed by Anonymous.

Oh this is gonna be fun.

Published 2017-11-08 19:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-08 19:50:06 UTC

It's like... a chapter man...

Anon and Spike each sat on opposite sides of the map table, extremely bored looks on their faces.

"So, this is what you do when the girls are away on some friendship adventure? If so, you need hobbies little dude." Anon commented with a tired sigh.

Spike rolled his eyes and groaned. "I told you already, I usually hang out with Big Mac or Discord or stay in my room doing...stuff, while the girls are gone, you just dragged me in here so you could complain to someone about having nothing to do."

"Ha, 'stuff,' as in you taping a picture of Rarity to a pillow and-"

"Say one more word and I'll burn every porn magazine in your room." Spike warned with a smirk.

Anon gasped in horror and clutched his chest in dramatic shock. "You wouldn't dare! They're the only sexual gratification I still have in my life!"

"Exactly, and I know just where you keep them. So zip it or your porn goes bye bye."

Anon slumped back in Applejack's throne and frowned. "When did you get so grouchy and pissy? That's kinda my shtick dude."

"I dunno Anon, I've just been feeling agitated lately, I don't know why though. I think most of the ponies in town are having the same problem." Spike explained as he rubbed his temples.

Anon perked up and got out of his chair with a smile on his face. "Well if unexplained angst and agitation is the problem why didn't you just say so? I got just the thing!" He exclaimed before pulling out some kind of small tin box and setting it in the table. "Ok, just gotta ask first, how old are you?"

"Um, I'm 15-"

"18, great, now let's see what I should give you." Anon opened the box to reveal multiple small plastic bags filled with substances that looked unfamiliar to the small dragon. "Ok, we got Mr Nice, Willy's Wonder, Celtic Passion, CannaSutra, A.D.D., Courgar Milk, AHA! Juicy Fruit!" The human exclaimed as he apparently found something he was looking for, meanwhile Spike was scratching his head at the names of the different substances his human friend was naming.

"Some of those sound...weird...but Juicy Fruit sounds nice, what is this stuff anyway?" The young drake asked as Anon walked over to one of the walls and began to feel around it.

"This is the stuff that has helped me not freak out over being stuck in a land of magical horses with no fuckable bipedal female in sight. Now where is...there!" He explained before pressing a section of the wall to reveal a hatch. "Pinkie's emergency brownie kit, just give me a few minutes and you'll be more mellow than you've ever been in your life little dragon dude."

"What are we gonna do with brownies that will make us mellow?" The Drake asked with curiosity.

"Son, we gonna get baked."

Its like...later dude...I think...

Twilight and friends trudged toward the throne room with angry expressions, their manes a mess and a few eyes twitching.

"Twilight..." Rainbow Dash began with a breath.

"What, is it, Rainbow?" Twilight growled out in annoyance.

"The next time the map says there is a friendship problem in the Yak Kingdom...we're telling it to fuck off right?"

"Not that exactly, but there will be...words..." Twilight answered through her teeth. As the group continued to trudge along, a strange smell hit their noses.

"Um, Twilight, why does it smell like there are multiple Tree Huggers ahead?" Fluttershy asked as she found the scent familiar.

"Ugh people all day today..." Purple pone groaned as she trotted angrily up to the door to the throne room and threw it open, only for her angry expression to be replaced by one of confusion and slight horror. Most of the town's residents were scattered through the room, all with either bongs, blunts, brownies or small plastic baggies in their hooves, most of them with half lidded eyes and relaxed smiles on their faces.

In the centre of the room, they saw Anon and Spike sitting on the thrones laughing weakly as Spike finished off a brownie and Anon lit a new blunt, the two conversing with three figures that Twilight couldn't see very well because of all the kush smoke and ponies.

Twilight shook herself out of her confusion and walked around multiple stoned ponies that littered the floor before reaching the table, shocked at what she was seeing. "Princess Celestia?! Princess Luna?!"

Sunbutt was currently stuffing her face with as many brownies as she could while Luna lay back in the throne she was sitting in, her eyes wide and her body limp.

Celestia locked eyes with Twilight, froze, and slowly swallowed her mouthful before wiping her muzzle with a napkin, trying to look dignified. "Oh, hello Twilight, we weren't expecting you home until tomorrow."

"What in the sweet name of Faust are you doing?" Twilight asked with utter confusion and shock.

Celestia giggled and looked out at the happy crowd of ponies. "Well we were notified by Spike about a possible threat to Ponyville while you were away, but when we got here Anon had already dealt with our new friend her with this wonderful substance, he and Spike invited us back to the castle with most of the townsfolk to chill out and have a good time. I'm still waiting for this stuff to take effect but it seems Luna is a bit of a lightweight, went down after two hits." Celestia explained with a chuckle as her eyes slowly became half lidded, the high starting to kick in.

"New friend?" Twilight asked before freezing as she saw the third figure that she couldn't identify before. It was a dark creature that looked like an anthropomorphised version of her nightmares and fears and everything that was wrong with the universe. And it was currently taking a hit from a bong.

"Yo...I'm like...Zanthorn. I was tryin ta get you ponies to like...turn on each other by makin you all act like you were on your period n'shit, but is all good now man. This...this monkey thing let me sample his stash and I'm like...so chill right now." The creature spoke in a voice resembling a college student who spends his time getting baked rather than studying and making his parents proud.

"Ha ha! Anon saves the day...with the power of...dank kush!" Anon quietly yelled in victory. "Screw you D.A.R.E. program, weed was good for something..."

Twilight struggled to get a word out as she tried to process what was happening. She was brought out of her trance when a blunt was placed in her mouth by a dark blue aura.

"Don't think...just feel...become one with the cosmos with us..." Luna muttered as she slowly blinked before becoming completely still.

Twilight tried to think of many different reasons not to go along with this, but given how tired she was, she only had one thing to say. "Girls! Get your little virgin plots in here and get baked with me!"

"Atta girl Twilight..." Spike muttered before face planting into the map table, the sound of snoring soon following.

"The purple dragon falls to the effects of the other purple dragon...such an ironic fate...but it was written in the stars..." Luna muttered out again. "Wait...it wasn't written in the stars...that's just a constellation I made in the shape of Anonymous' member...hehe..."

Anon laughed weakly before sighing happily. "...wait what?"

"Your dick is in the sky dude!" He heard Vinyl laugh out before falling on her ass.

Anon rolled his eyes and looked back to his tin. "Wait..." looking through what bags were left, he noticed that one was empty. "Wait...this is one of my PCP ecstasy pill baggies...who used this one?" His question was answered when Pinkie began to violently vibrate. "Oh fuck me..."

And then the universe imploded because it couldn't contain the sheer magnitude of Pinkie on happy pills. The end.

Author's Note

I had far too much fun with this, can you tell?