Oatmeal: A tale of beautiful madness

by naikichangeling

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 1371

Twilight Sparkle likes oatmeal and raisin cookies. They called her mad, MAD, for it, but she'll show them... She'll SHOW THEM ALL!

One fateful day, Twilight Sparkle went inside the confines of Sugarcube Corner, and she learned two things that would change her life forever:

A) The Royal Cookie Baking Competition was underfoot.

B) Pinkie Pie did not like oatmeal and raisin cookies. She was quite unlike her in this way.

Thus, Twilight Sparkle begins a journey, a quest to change the epistemological paradigm of bakery FOREVER! ...But, will her sanity survive such an impossible task?

Not really, no.

Published 2017-11-07 05:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-07 05:20:06 UTC

I

Twilight opened the door, all the delicious smell started to leak out of it. The air smelled of the freshly baked pastries of a sunday morning in Sugarcube Corner, of fudge and glaze and chocolate milk and cupcake frosting, all thanks to the smiling pink mare standing behind the counter. Twilight’s timing was perfect. The bakery had just unlocked her doors to the ponies outside, who were still groggy and unfocused, slowly making their way to buy.

“Good morning, Twilight! How are you?”

“I’m doing pretty good, Pinkie Pie. I’m really hungry, though.”

Twilight’s stomach growled as she walked to the counter. She wore her saddlebag, loaded with a modest quantity of bits to quell her famine. The bits tinkled as she stopped in front of the counter.

“I can tell, Twi. So, what can I get you?”

Twilight noticed a blue poster behind Pinkie Pie. She was sure that it wasn’t there the last time she was here.

“Hey, Pinkie… What does that poster behind say?”

“Oh, that’s an ad for the Royal Cookie Baking Competition of Equestria! It’s a contest where only the very best bakers will make their very best recipe to be crowned as the very best baker of Equestria! And I’m going to compete on it!”

“Oh, wow! That’s sound really exciting, Pinkie. Have you been practicing for it?”

“Yes, Twilight! I asked Mr and Mrs Cake to let me use the kitchen to bake every recipe I know to choose one!”

“Every recipe, you say? Pinkie, can you get me a dozen cookies, please?”

“Sure can! Which kind do you want?”

“Oatmeal and raisin.”

Pinkie was smiling, but suddenly, her smiled strained. She looked at Twilight straight in the eye when she spoke. Twilight’s face contorted in her confusion.

“I’m sorry. I must’ve misheard you, Twilight, because I’m pretty sure I heard you say that you wanted oatmeal and raisin cookies. It’s probably because I didn’t sleep last night. Can you please repeat that?”

“I did said oatmeal and raisins, Pinkie. I haven’t had those since the last time I visited my grandmother!”

Pinkie’s smile died on her lips, her brow contorting into a frown. Twilight heard the sound of a hoof pawing the ground, and then Pinkie crashed into her, having jumped over the counter and towards Twilight.

“Who are you?! What did you do with Twilight?!”

“Pinkie, get off me!” Twilight said, as she futilely tried to open her wings to knock her assailant down.

“Thorax was wrong when he said that all the changelings had changed! But they can’t fool me! Where did you take her?!”

A flash of blinking lavender light blinded Pinkie as she felt her quarry disappear from beneath her legs. Her blindness lasted but for a moment, and when she could see again, Twilight was in the other side of the room, surrounded by a bubble of gleaming purple light.

“What are you doing, Pinkie?!”

“You can’t fool me, changeling! No pony would ever eat oatmeal and raisin cookies willingly! They were made as a torture device for innocent ponies!”

Twilight stared at Pinkie Pie, completely flabbergasted.

“What.”

She continued to stare silently, as if she was waiting for the punchline. Pinkie stared back, looking at Twilight directly in the eye. After a moment, Twilight shook her head.

“Pinkie, what makes you think such a thing?”

“I don’t think it, ‘Twilight’. I know it! This forbidden knowledge came to me in a dream. It all began when I was young. Every year, the day of my birthday, we were allowed to eat one batch of cookies. It was always a batch of fourteen, two cookies for each one of us. The day before my birthday, Granny Pie always asked me what kind of cookie I wanted, and I always answered ‘Chunky Chocolate Chips’. But not that year.

That year, just two days before my birthday, I had a dream, one full of inky, black darkness. I walked, wandering in search for a direction when I heard a voice asking me ‘Pinkie Pie, where are you?’ Asking me! And I kept calling out into the darkness. ‘I’m here! Here I am, disembodied voice!’ And I kept walking, and the voice kept moving and moving and moving and moving around until it suddenly spoke behind me! ‘Pinkie Pie, beware. When the cookie crumbles, all the pain in the world will be unleashed.’ ‘What do you mean?!’ I asked her, but it didn’t answer back, and then I woke up.

The next day, I waited for Granny Pie to ask me about the cookies, but she never left the kitchen. All day, I waited for her as I did my work, and all day I never saw her. When I went to sleep, I had the dream again. When I woke up, it was the morning of my birthday. I was so excited! ‘Surely,’ I told myself ‘Granny already knows that I want Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookies for my birthday. That’s probably why she didn’t ask me about it! I can’t wait!’

That day, after the workload was finished, we all sat in the table. In the very center of it sat a plate of cookies, but it wasn’t like before. The cookies were different. Instead of a smooth, hard cookie only broken up by chunks of chocolate, these cookies had a crumbly look, with bits of oatmeal and small dark lumps on the surface. ‘Sorry, Pinkie, but I couldn’t make Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookies, as I usually do on this day of celebration. But I hope that these ones will be of your liking.’ And I thought to myself ‘Ok, these are probably oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips, but that’s good as well! They are fine too!’

And so, I put the cookie in my mouth and chewed, and when I did, the crumbs fell and I knew what the voice had meant.

These cookies had no chocolate, but RAISINS! They tasted bitter and sour into my mouth, amplified by the sugar on them! I almost choked on them, but I swallowed and I kept eating, but my face must have shown what I felt, because Granny asked me ‘Do you feel well, Pinkie?’. And I lied to her face and said ‘Yes’ and ate the cookies. But they were ashes in my mouth! And so I knew that those cookies, no, those abominations were no good! NO GOOD AT ALL!”

At this point, Pinkie Pie had been talking so long that she started hyperventilating.

“Pinkie Pie, what the heck? You can’t be serious.”

She stared at Twilight, looking deadly serious.

Twilight slowly backed up to the door, not breaking eye contact with Pinkie. She knew that the moment she broke it, Pinkie would chase her like a manticore chases a rabbit. Soon, her leg touched the door, and with a flash of lavender light she teleported outside Sugarcube Corner and ran towards the castle. She jumped with a wingflap and flew away, and as she did she heard a bell ring in the distance.

"You can't evade me forever! I will find you! I WILL FIND YOU!"

Twilight Sparkle landed on the castle's balcony, her hooves softly grinding against the floor. Whew... What just happened? I know that oatmeal and raisin cookies are a bit of an acquired taste, but to hold such a grudge against them?! I can't convince her otherwise! Then, for the tiniest moment, she remembered the taste of a warm fresh cookie straight out of the oven. Or can I...? The Royal Cookie Baking Competition! That's it! I bet that if I win it with Grandma's recipe, I can convince Pinkie that oatmeal and raisin cookies are good!

"Spike!" Twilgiht yelled as she ran excited through the castle "Spike, come here! I need you to pick some stuff up while I write a letter!"

Author's Note

So, I'm not dead. Not yet. Gotta wait for the blood sugar levels test before that's a certainty. Anyways, hopefully I won't take 6-month-long breaks between 1k-ish word chapters like last time. If I do, I apologize pre-emptively.

Also, oatmeal and raisin cookies are awesome. Talking from personal experience here. Hence the blood sugar test.