Conquering the Queen

“Applejack?” called the attendant of the princess. Applejack rose unsteadily from her seat, nervous about approaching the door to the throne room. The prospect of meeting with a princess was nerve-wracking enough, but the presence of a dragon in her castle had come as a complete shock. Out of habit, she reached up and clasped the little red pendant that hung from around her neck. Its familiar shape against her palm was instantly soothing.

With a calmer mind, she took another look at the dragon attendant. His species aside, the dragon wasn’t particularly imposing. His voice and proportions were that of a young stallion, and his scales were smoothly curved. The dragons Applejack had seen in books were all harsh angles and wickedly pointed spines… but this one was almost cute.

The dragon pushed open the throne room’s double doors, ushering Applejack through the doorway. A deep purple carpet spread out before her, crossing the length of the crystalline throne room, all the way to the foot of the princess’ throne.

Applejack approached, maintaining a posture that she hoped was respectful. She’d never spoken to royalty before, never been in a castle - in fact, she’d never been in any room half as big as the throne room she was now crossing. Even the barn back on the old Apple family farm didn’t compare…

Applejack kept her eyes low, but she instinctively made brief eye contact with the guards who flanked the throne. She’d noticed them as soon as the doors had opened; she made a point of noting how many ponies were in each room she entered, and how many of them were armed. If she hadn’t developed that skill, she’d be a pretty poor warrior. Possibly a dead one.

Naturally, Applejack had left her sword at home. She came before princess Twilight Sparkle as a farmpony, not a fighter. The guards could no doubt see that she was unarmed, but their hands still went to their scabbards as she neared the throne. Applejack took this as a sign that she was close enough, and she knelt.

“Applejack?” said the princess, in a gently questioning tone. “You can stand, if you like.”

“All right,” said Applejack, rising to her feet. “Uh, yer highness.”

“My assistant tells me that you are here to ask for a parcel of land,” said the princess, tilting her head inquisitively. “Is that correct?”

Applejack lifted her head, finally getting her first good look at the princess. She was lovely, her modest purple dress accentuating her long legs and generous bosom. She was a bit too slim for Applejack’s taste, though Training alongside fellow warriors had given her an eye for… meatier mares.

Applejack chided herself for letting her thoughts wander - and for being so presumptuous as to evaluate the beauty of the princess. “Yes, your highness,” she said. “Y’see, my family and I came to Ponyville after we lost our farmland to the drought out west… and the blight, as well…”

“Yes,” said Twilight. “Some are saying there is a curse at work in those lands.”

“Well, I ain’t qualified to speak on that matter,” said Applejack, “But the land went bad awful fast. And if my family gets land here in Ponyville, good land, we can start growin’ apples, best you ever tasted - and, and we know how to run a farm, we’ll be turnin’ a profit real quick. Whatever it takes to pay back yer generosity, we’ll have it for ya before you know it.”

“I’ve looked into your records,” said the princess, “and I believe that you and your family would be a boon to our community. If I could, I would grant you a parcel of land without hesitation.” She paused, turning her eyes downward - and she remained silent for quite some time.

It seemed as though the princess were in the middle of a thought, and Applejack didn’t want to interrupt royalty - but it was clear that she’d been denied, and every second that passed without an explanation was agonizing. She stayed silent as long as she could, but she didn’t last long. “If you could?” she said. “Why can’t ya?”

“Territory that once belonged to us is now… in dispute,” said Twilight. “The kingdom of the orcs has been aggressive in their expansion, and laying claim to that land, even for farming, could be seen as… aggressive.”

“Well… I’m a warrior as well as a farmer,” said Applejack. “I’ll fight for Ponyville, and I’d walk right into the Orcs’ castle if it meant my family had a place to live an’ work.”

The princess looked Applejack up and down, seeming to evaluate her fitness. Applejack was a powerfully built mare, with thick meaty thighs and bulging biceps beneath her bright orange fur, and no one who saw her would doubt her prowess on the battlefield or the farm. “I can tell that you are making that offer in earnest,” said Twilight, “But sending a lone warrior, no matter how skilled, would be worse than fruitless. The queen’s magic protects her from harm, and an attempt on her life would plunge us into open war. I’m afraid there is no simple answer to-”

A pop filled the room as air was suddenly displaced, and - completely out of nowhere - there was a stallion seated casually on the armrest of Twilight’s throne. Applejack stumbled backwards in surprise, and the guards flanking Twilight’s throne drew their weapons - but the princess herself, after an almost imperceptible moment of shock, simply rolled her eyes.

Applejack regarded the intruder, wondering if perhaps “stallion” wasn’t the right word to describe him. This newcomer was no pony. Even after looking him over from head to toe, Applejack couldn’t decide what he was - and, in fact, it looked like whoever had put him together couldn’t decide what he was supposed to be either.
“Discord,” said Twilight flatly. “What brings you to my throne room?” She waved a hand at her guards, and they stood down.

“I go where I am needed, your highness,” said Discord, rising from the throne armrest and bowing deeply.

Twilight sighed. “That is… perhaps the exact opposite of how I would describe your comings and goings, Discord. But it so happens that I have a bit of free time in my schedule today. After I dismiss Applejack here, you may harass me for exactly ten minutes. But until then, I will need you to wait outside the throne room, as is customary for visitors.”

“Schedule?” bellowed Discord indignantly. “Customary?” Steam, literal steam, rose from his ears. “If you believe that I am somehow beholden to your-” He paused, finally seeing the thin, mischievous smile on the princess’ face. “Oh, I see,” he said, his mood settling back into perfect calm. “Your famously dry sense of humor. Ah, we do have fun.”

“Applejack,” said the princess, “This is Discord. You may have heard the name of the Lord of Chaos in legends or fairy tales, but these days he’s not a destructive menace. He is an ally of the crown, albeit one with an awful personality.”

"Princess, you are unspeakably cruel," said Discord. Turning to Applejack, he said "My dear, I apologize for the princess' behavior. Royalty have no manners, I'm afraid." Applejack, cowed by the presence of the legendary Lord of Chaos, simply nodded. “Twilight,” said Discord, “I could not bear to see the weight that this impending conflict sets upon your shoulders.”

“You’re here about the orcs?” said Twilight. “Princess Celestia told me that you spoke with her about the matter. You told her that the queen’s magic protects her even from you.”

“Still the case, I’m afraid,” said Discord. “And I was hoping that she would remember on her own that I already solved this problem for her. Nearly four centuries ago, in fact.”

“Four centuries?” murmured Twilight, her eyes narrowing. “Wait… one of your prophecies?”

“Finally, someone remembers!” said Discord. “I can’t tell you how frustrating it is that no one talks about my prophecies anymore. I may have spent most of my existence tricking and deceiving ponies, but my prophecies were always accurate!”

“Your prophecies are misleadingly phrased,” said Twilight. “No one has successfully acted on one, and they only make sense in retrospect.”

“Well, naturally,” said Discord, “And now that I’m reformed I feel just awful about it. Which is why I’m here to give you a little push in the right direction. Do you recall the prophecy I made about the kingdom of orcs?”

“Not offhand, I’m afraid,” said Twilight. She motioned one of the guards to stand before her, then addressed him. “Could you tell Spike to retrieve the Compendium of Lesser Prophecies from the library?”

“No need,” said Discord, throwing an arm out in front of the guard. “I know it by heart. Let’s see… something something mighty warrior, something something farming... and she will take her mighty sword and run it into the orc queen again and again until she submits. See, it couldn't be clearer! Applejack here is the hero of our prophecy, and if you send her to vanquish the orc queen, victory is guaranteed."

"Discord," sighed Twilight, "I am desperate enough to trust you. But I cannot ask Applejack to risk her life on a trickster's errand. You may be accustomed to thinking of ponies as pawns, but -"

"I'll do it," said Applejack, with a volume and firmness that silenced the great throne room. "I don't know if I trust Discord, but if you're givin' me a chance, then I'm takin' it."

"Very well," said Twilight. "I will have Spike escort you to the armory."

"No need for that," said Discord. "Applejack is already wielding a fine weapon."

The guards took an interest in that statement, and Applejack raised her empty hands in a placating gesture. "No, I ain't armed," she said, "But I do got a family sword back home."

Discord smiled innocently. "Hm, of course," he said, "your family sword. That's what I must have meant. What else could I have possibly been referring to?"

As Applejack pushed aside the loose stone and emerged into the empty kitchens of the orc queen's castle, she permitted herself to believe - just a bit - that the prophesy might actually be true. This secret passage - a tunnel dug by diamond dogs who opposed the orc queen's rule - was the castle's only major vulnerability, and it was only useful for a solitary mission. You certainly couldn't sneak a whole army through it.

In fact, you could barely sneak one pony through it. Applejack's muscles made her wider than most, and squeezing her body through the narrow tunnel had been nearly impossible.

But now, as she dropped down from the secret passage, she was finally in the castle. The diamond dogs had told Twilight that the kitchens would be empty in late evening, and they'd described a route that would bypass the guards' patrols. Applejack wasn't sure she trusted the diamond dogs... or Discord, for that matter... but it was far too late to start having doubts. She carefully lifted the carved stones she’d displaced from the wall and put them back, fitting them back into the wall so that the secret passage was once again concealed.

Taking in her surroundings, Applejack briefly wondered if - absurdly - she had somehow ended up in the wrong castle. The orcs had a reputation of brutal savagery, and yet the kitchen was... well, it was normal. It had the same sorts of magical devices Applejack had glimpsed in Twilight's castle - a stove with inlaid fire gems, a tall box that was faintly cold to the touch, a luminous stone providing light to the windowless room - and on top of that, it was clean. Applejack had been picturing rusty cleavers and a corner piled high with bones, but the reality was... surprising.

But a little refinement didn't make them good. They were still the enemy , and her goal hadn't changed. Even if the orc queen wasn't the grunting, grotesque beast Applejack had imagined, she was still here to slay her.

There were two exits from the kitchens, and Applejack knew to take the smaller one. The wooden door opened into a narrow hallway, likely just wide enough that two servants, one coming and one going, could pass by one another. The hall was unadorned, with bare stone under her feet, and seemed to have no source of light; the glow of the kitchen’s luminous stone penetrated only a few feet inward, leaving the rest in darkness.

But compared to the tunnel she’d just crawled through, this narrow hallway felt like a palace. And she could deal with the darkness; the diamond dog informant had laid out where it turned, and described its length in paces. She’d be at the queen’s bedchamber in minutes.

Applejack stepped quietly down the dark passageway. She hoped there was no need for stealth - the hall should be empty, and anyone using it would likely bring a candle - but even with a prophesy on her side, there was no harm in exercising basic caution. Her armor, provided by the princess and specially made for a nighttime assassination, was silent as well; the thick white fabric felt as though it couldn't possibly protect her body, but Twilight had assured her of the strength of its enchantments.

At thirty-five paces, Applejack paused and slowly reached out a hand into the darkness ahead of her. Sure enough, the hallway turned here; there was a wall ahead and open air to her right. She oriented herself toward the next leg of the hall - and then froze.

There was a dim glow coming from up ahead, gently flickering and bobbing - just as the light of a candle might, if it were held by a person who was walking forward. There was someone coming.

And this presented a unique problem, under the circumstances. Being seen was too risky - she had no guarantee that there was only one orc coming, and that that orc could be subdued before raising an alarm. The kitchen might offer places to hide - but getting there in time would mean running down the hall, making too much noise to be ignored.

But an idea occurred to her. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure it was the best idea - but it was the only one that came to mind. Something she’d practiced as a youth, something she knew she could do quickly and quietly. She pressed her arms to the wall beside her, braced herself, and began to walk her legs up the opposite wall.

By the time the candle’s light came near, Applejack was braced against both walls, her back against the ceiling. The ceiling wasn’t high, but it should be just high enough that an orc could pass underneath her - and with any luck, the dim light of their candle wouldn’t reveal Applejack’s presence.

The sight of the approaching orc in the dim light of the candle came as another surprise. Applejack had never seen an orc before; she only knew them by their warlike reputation, and she’d built a picture of a filthy, smelly beast in her head. But this orc - a woman, clearly - was actually… lovely, in a way. Her face was narrow and pale green, with thick eyebrows and stern but beautiful features. She did have the orcish attributes Applejack had known to expect - small protruding tusks, pointed ears on their side of her head, and a somewhat porcine snout - but the more she looked at them, the more she found them to be pleasingly proportioned. More pressingly, though, she was armored. Probably a guard.

As the orc came near, Applejack sucked in her chest, worried that her breasts would brush against the top of the orc’s head as they passed. But as her body shifted, she felt something slip from within the folds of her cloth armor. Her pendant, the little family heirloom that had always been a source of comfort, was now dangling perilously low, hanging down just where an orc’s head could touch it.

And as the orc passed underneath her, the pendant bumped softly against her forehead. She stopped and raised her hand to her head - and with a confused expression, she raised her candle. The flickering glow gradually illuminated Applejack’s features, and the orc’s mouth slowly opened.

Whatever the orc was planning to say - or yell - Applejack didn’t give her the chance to do it. She let herself drop, bringing the muscled mass of her body onto the shocked orc woman. The candle was extinguished, smothered by their bodies, and the hallway was plunged into darkness.

The next few seconds were spent wrestling in pitch blackness. Applejack tried to draw her sword and decisively end the fight, but the orc was a capable grappler and Applejack never had an arm free for more than a moment. On top of that, the fight was turning out to be uncomfortably sensual - thighs were rubbing against thighs, breasts against breasts, and both combatants were panting and grunting. Applejack - even though she knew the life-or-death stakes - couldn’t help but get a little turned on. The orc’s pale green skin hid toned muscles and soft curves - she was the sort of woman Applejack would have liked to know better, under different circumstances.

After a brief struggle, Applejack took control, shoving the orc away from her and drawing her sword. She jabbed her blade forward in the dark - but the orc was already running down the hall, in the direction Applejack had come from. Applejack ran after her, following her through the darkness and into the light of the kitchens.

Applejack feared that the orc would keep on running, raising the alarm throughout the castle - but when she emerged into the kitchen she found the orc grabbing a thick, black cast-iron pan and turning to face her. “A pony?” she said, her voice harsh with anger. “Don’t tell me you’re here for the queen.”

“Well, I ain’t here to talk,” said Applejack. She charged at the orc, swinging her sword - but the orc’s arm came up at lightning speed, knocking the blade aside with the pan she was wielding.

“Don’t the ponies know the queen’s magic makes her invincible?” said the orc. “As the captain of her guard, it will be my privilege to end your life… but even if I stood aside, she could easily end you herself.”

“Yeah?” said Applejack, swinging her sword at the orc’s midsection - only to be blocked again. “Why don’t ya take the night off, then? Let the queen kill me herself, if yer so sure she’s invincible?”

“It would reflect poorly on my work ethic,” said the orc, “and disturb the queen’s beauty sleep. So tell me… on whose behalf do you come for our queen? Celestia? Or the young princess Twilight?”

Applejack swung again and again, never striking a blow - but gaining ground with each attack. The orc guard was no pushover, but Applejack was the one with a real weapon. “I’m here fer myself,” she said, “And my name is Applejack.”

“Not really what I asked you,” said the orc, “But as long as we’re introducing ourselves, my name is Ghorza.” Her back was almost up against the wall now, and Applejack was growing confident - but after one spirited swing, Ghorza’s free hand shot outward and caught Applejack’s sword arm at the wrist. “You caught me off guard in the hallway,” she said, grinning, “But it seems like orcs are stronger than ponies, after all.”

Ghorza’s fingers gripped Applejack’s wrist tighter, twisting her arm back towards her body. Applejack gritted her teeth, cursing herself for losing control of the battle so quickly… but then her eyes caught something above Ghorza’s head. Just behind her, a few feet above, was the secret entrance Applejack had used. And while the stones that hid it were slotted back into place, they were still loose…

Applejack launched herself forward, shoving the Ghorza into the wall. At first, not much seemed to have changed - the orc still had control of Applejack’s wrist, and was twisting her arm further back. But the loose stones above her head shook, and loosened, and tumbled - and one in particular scored a direct hit on the crown of her head.

The orc’s grip went slack, and her body slumped to the floor. Still breathing, Applejack noted - and while she wasn’t sure how long an orc would remain unconscious, the thought of finishing her off was… distasteful. If Applejack had prophecy on her side, then hopefully there was no harm in leaving a downed opponent alive. She shoved the unconscious orc underneath a table; it wasn’t the sort of hiding place that would stand up to any real scrutiny, but no one looking in from the doorway would see her.

Once again, Applejack traversed the dark hallway, her heart thumping in her chest as she silently plodded forward and groped at the walls. The servants’ hallway should take her right to the queen’s chamber, and then… somehow, she would overcome the queen’s magic and run her through. Assuming the prophecy was true, that is, and not a grim joke played on her by the Lord of Chaos.

The dark hallway turned and turned again, and finally ended at a doorway ringed with soft light. The queen would be on the other side, and one way or another, Applejack’s mission would be at an end.